“We point out when they are lazy” 
Let your kids be lazy sometimes. Before you know it they’ll be adults and cut you out of their lives because you didn’t allow them to have a childhood. Chores are good, yes, but you just described your husband as a dictator and not a father/dad. If your teenager is expressing how unhappy they are, maybe you should believe them instead of saying your husband is perfect and doesn’t get too extreme, when all the comments here obviously agree that he does get extreme by the way you described things.
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Seems like you both need to get some help cuz sheeeshhh
I’m crying for those children. It’s one thing to expect them to complete their chores, but it’s another thing to bark down their throats when it isn’t done to yours or his satisfaction. Imagine if someone were barking down your throat when you didn’t do something up to par. Plus, you both should lead by example, so if you guys aren’t helping, why on earth would you expect them to? Poor babies! 
Sounds overbearing. Check out HR Mom for age appropriate tasks and some guidance because it sounds like you’re going to have kids who don’t come around as adults.
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If you guys want her in your life after she turns 18, you might wanna clean up your act and learn to hear her out. For one, it’s a great practice for her to set boundaries. Second of all, she will be self sufficient by then. She absolutely WILL NOT want anything to do with you. All I can think of after reading this is an old YouTube video from my teen years “after all, children are basically slaves”
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All I have to say is I’m glad my parents weren’t like this when I was growing up…
Kids need to know discipline. I think your doing a great job. I think the name calling is a bit much. If you want respect you have to give it. My kids are 7,5 and 3. They all have there own chores and they will be done the right way. No shoving toys under the bed or clothes where they don’t belong. They have to know how to do things the right. You don’t want them to grow up and think it’s ok to do things half ass. They are old enough to know how to do things the right way. If you feel your husband is outta hand with how he treats the kids then you should definitely say something to him. With her being upset about having to work then come home and do chores. It’s part of life. So your teaching her life skills. I had to do my chores before I got privileges. If I did the dishes and vacuumed that gave me an hour of TV time or play station time. I earned those things.
You and your husband don’t have to do anything in the house! Let that sink in, you and your husband, the parents, don’t do any of the work in your home! Your children are doing the work in your home then being yelled at and called names and disciplined if it isn’t done the way he wants to be. Would you enjoy being yelled at and called names by your boss at your job if you didn’t do something exactly correct? Would you think that was wrong? Btw that is verbal abuse, and you’re allowing it! Expecting the kids to do all the work while y’all don’t have to clean is also wrong! Your children aren’t your maids, they’re kids. You had them they didn’t ask to be born. It’s your job to provide for them regardless bc you made them! They don’t owe you to do everything in your home just simply bc you let them live in it! You and your husband are the issue, not your 15 year old who seems to be expected to do more as a child than y’all are expected to do as adults!
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They are children. Not your workers. Give out some love and have some fun instead of policing them. And counseling. Lots of counseling
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You cook some meals? Does that mean they also make a majority of the meals? When do they have time for school, homework, being a kid?
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calling them names isn’t acceptable. Letting them suffer the consequences of their actions (losing privileges, losing allowance, losing cellular or internet) IS acceptable. If they are 20, losing the home to live in and enjoy is also on the table. If you’re 20 and can’t do the basics, move out and live in squalor. PS: lazy is not a cuss word…. he can call them lazy if they are being lazy.
Im surprised your children are still there and haven’t been taken away yet. They are not in an army camp and you and your husband are not drill sergeant’s. I would not allow my children to be treated in such an abusive manner and put a stop to it as soon as it happened the 1st time. They are your children not your slaves/ maides.
Welcome to teenage life. Btw, stop verbally abusing your kids
The problem isn’t your daughter
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Its wonderful for children to have some responsibility however when you use you’re children as hired help you have failed at you’re responsibly as the adult…
You’re husband sounds controlling and verbally abusive,you say you allow him to discipline the children and you exclude yourself is that because hes also controlling and verbally abusive to you? So you watch you’re children walk this fine line without any type of reaction?
It doesn’t matter what vacations you take what phones you buy them,what name brand clothing is on their back doesn’t make up for the emotional toll you and you’re husband are putting you’re children through…
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Yeah it sounds like you are letting him abuse them. Calling them names and screaming at them at the top of his lungs is verbal emotional and psychological abuse! This is shit they are going to remember and relive through memories for the rest of their life! Verbal emotional and psychological abuse lasts a lifetime. Next time your kid doesn’t do the chore perfectly and your husband starts screaming at your kids being abusive calling them names if I was you id call him out and say that’s innapropriate and verbally abusive and if its that big of a deal I would pick up the slack. Your children are meant to have a childhood too, not have to go to school all day and come home and do homework and chores for hours. All you do is cook sometimes and do laundry? Ok so your kids do everything else? Seems like they are being treated like house slaves. I believe in chores and schedules but within reason. Re evaluate the situation. Your teenager is speaking the truth, take my advice and listen to them because trust me, if you don’t, she isn’t going to come to you when it counts anymore.
Sounds like they are slaves. And to verbally abuse or call names is still abuse. So yes your husband is mentally abusing your child. She has a right to feel the way she does. I have a 14 year old and a 10 year old. To have chores is one thing, but for you or your husband never to have to do any upkeep sounds like they are treated like maids and slaves. Not children. How your children are being treated is not right and DSS could tell you different forms of abuse, even though it may not be physical. But I will say with the way you describe your husband, its hard for me to believe he never uses his hands… you all should be careful. Doesnt take much to get a investigation going nowadays. And your kids will resent whoever is doing the abuse as they get older. Those names they are called and whatever else happens to them they wont forget. I tell you this from personal experience. Your daughter is not acting out. She is being honest and I hope you all see that before it’s too late
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Can you blame them? I’d be unhappy too! They’re children, not maids. They didn’t ask to be born or have so much responsibility. I’m all for everyone playing their part in the chores and learning how to do tasks but it sounds like your husband has control and anger issues and you’re letting him take that out on your kids. You literally just said he yells at them and you let him. When he starts beating them are you just gonna sit back and let that happen, too? Woman up! You’re supposed to protect your kids! Everyone deserves to feel safe in their home and not have to walk on eggshells. This is worrysome and your children will hold so much resentment if it continues. Shame on you.
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That sounds like a home I would never want to grow up in .
Whose the parents? You or your “children.” They sound more like slaves then kids to me.
What a mentally and physically abusive life these kids have to deal with 
just because you two as parents were abused doesn’t mean you put your kids through that too
He is verbally abusing your children & you just… choose to stay out of it? Wow.
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They are not your hired housekeepers. They are your children. He is mentally abusing your children and you are enabling him. Yes having chores is fine, but yelling and berating someone because a counter wasn’t wiped off “properly”? Yes that’s abuse. Not sorry.
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Honestly if y’all are this blunt about chores when they do get their own home they will most likely slack off quite a bit because they just don’t want to keep the upkeep on a home.
Chores should be done by everyone in the household not just the children…and your husband sounds abusive…smh…if you’re smart you’d know this is wrong on many levels. Since you allow him to “discipline” them like you say…I’m going to assume you’re not very smart…your daughter is expressing how she feels in words and you aren’t paying no mind to it…your household sounds miserable…and don’t get me wrong my older children have chores, that they alternate…but I also do chores around the home because I live here too…you need to get a grip and realize you are doing more harm than good…your children are not robots they are human…they aren’t perfect quite like yourself…they deserve to feel appreciated for all they do around that house…and you and hubby should be doing house chores too!!
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This can’t be real:woozy_face: I hope yalls children heal from the way y’all parent, because this is mental & verbal abuse. Add in the fact that you use them as servants, and you got kids that’ll grow up and resent the shit out of y’all 
Sooo basically ur children are your slaves? Im all for chores etc BUT im the parent and pull my own weight. I dont blame any of ur kids if they act out bcuz ur just using them as ur own personal slave!!! Good grief
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What I read here is you use your children to clean your own home because you two are too lazy to while simultaneously allowing him to verbally abuse your children when they don’t live up to his standards. It’s one thing to have your children do chores but this, whatever this is, is not that. It’s definitely not discipline either. I’d act out too if I were her. You people seem terrible.
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Your kids are slaves. Absolutely ridiculous. Chores are one thing but you doing nothing whilst they keep your house clean is scandalous. You don’t have children to do your chores whilst you work. Name calling is abuse. Stand up for your damn children.
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I’m sorry but to me this is completely wrong. Yes children need to learn responsibility, but I would never ever let my husband take out his frustration on my children, I don’t even like yelling at them, and when he does I stand up to him for them. And your daughter is right, that is verbal abuse. Don’t sit by and let him do that. And if my husband called my child any sort of name, well let’s just say mom always wins the fights bc mom doesn’t back down when it comes to the kids. And no your children should not be doing all of the house work. Regardless if you guys have full time jobs you had the children, they did not choose to be born and you both live there too. They are not slaves. I think you guys need some serious counseling before you end up permanently damaging your children.
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This is abuse and completely unacceptable! Why are you letting your husband do this to your children? Us as adults don’t clean things 100% perfectly all the time, so why expect a child to? Yes you should give them chores but not treat them like slaves!!!
I had four kids,they all kept their rooms clean, did the dishes,took trash out and mowed the yard(when they were old enough), their dad and I did the rest ,as long as they made good grades in school, which they all did.
Your children are not your property nor is it their job to tend to YOUR house. That’s slave labor. 80 a month? No. She could go to a legit job and make way more than that and be treated better. Just because you provide the BARE MINIMUM doesn’t mean they owe you anything. And I mean ANYTHING. They’re human, who have emotions and feelings and all.ypur doing is making sure that yall have a horrible relationship and when they can they’ll cut ties. And be HAPPY TO DO SO. Act like a mom and dad and not owners of your children. She’s right. Yall are abusive.
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That is abusive. I’m sorry. They are still kids. There is zero reason to yell and throw a fit at them when they make mistakes. It is straight up emotional abuse to call them names when they make mistakes or even just don’t do something that meets a ridiculous standard. If you think they’ve done a decent job and he doesn’t and turns around and screams and calls them names, it IS ABUSE.
Your 15 year old is absolutely right and you need to stand up for your kids when he goes off like that. It’s absolutely crossing the line between discipline and into abuse.
Your husband calls your children names, yells at them for not cleaning well enough, and you even say he goes overboard. But you think your daughter is acting out? Sounds to me like she’s right. You’re letting her be abused 
There’s a big difference in correcting a child, and all the things you listed.
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You guys are not parents you’re dictators nots not what parents should be. That’s also cruel and I think you guys need to step back and look at how you’re acting and treating you’re kids or you gonna loose them also verbal abuse isn’t fun and will have you’re children hating you. You should be cooking and cleaning up you’re own house yes they should have chores but this sounds like prison and not a home that they enjoy. And no wonder they are acting out. Because they are being abused and used and not loved it seems. Take a step back and look at you’re children and if that’s how you’d like to be talked to.
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From my pov, you don’t have kids you have slaves. And he is verbally abusing them. That is traumatizing to your children! Who cares about whatever luxuries or expensive things you’re providing because once they’re grown up they won’t remember that, they will remember the verbal abuse and strictness. Good luck honestly on trying to reverse the trauma that’s been done.
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This is all wrong why don’t you and your husband clean too ? Me and my husband work full time but still keep the house clean, if anyone was calling my children names they would be gone, social services need to be involved
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Honestly it’s about time one of your children speak out and call you on your bullshit.
Nothing wrong with chores. Speak to your husband about his choice of words when things aren’t to his standards. You seem to already realize that his verbiage is wrong. Now address it with your spouse that there are ways to give positive criticism? Try a “thank you, great job…but next time try this.”
Child labor if you ask me
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I have no words… This is just horrible
Imagine thinking that going to school full time isn’t a job. And if they play sports, have a job on top of that, etc, you still expect their chores to be done BUT you don’t pull your own weight with chores as well? From someone who grew up in this lifestyle, your husband is abusive, and your kids are gonna resent you.
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It sounds to me like you and your husband are the lazy ones. Did you only have kids to have slaves? You and your husband are the problems. They are children. Should they have some form of chores of course, but your just overdoing it. Your abusive and sound unfit to be parents.
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Sounds like horrible abuse to me.Yes they should keep their own space reasonably clean & tidy and help out a little but absolutely not to the extent that you describe.Children should enjoy their childhood and not be treated as slaves.They have their adult years to look forward to and their time raising a family and carry out chores.Give them back their childhood ,and if I were you ,I would ditch the controlling husband and get as far away from him as possible.
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Are you guys doing any cleaning or chores around the house? I didn’t know people bad kids for them to be slaves.
Also maybe it’s the fact that she works also and doesn’t see you and dad doing what she does even though you’re all 3 working.
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I understand a few jobs for pocket money but your expectations are too high. It is abuse
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To be honest, I would be so depressed, sad and mad staying at a house like that! Doing house work is ok and everyone is supposed to help each other at home. But Children are supposed to have their own time doing something they like too. Also, it’s ok to sometimes be lazy and lay on bed doing nothing at all. We all have emotions and bad days that we don’t wanna do anything. and I don’t think taking all the house work from your kids are appropriate. You need to hire a maid! Don’t let your children be your maids please.
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Those kids will end up needing psychiatric care and never want to come around yall when they are older. They are your children not hired help. I was brought up that way. So l know from experience. And l hate to clean house. My house is clean but not by me.
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Wow you cannot be serious!!! Please take a look in the mirror, because there you have the person to blame!
There is nothing wrong with children helping with the upkeep of the home, but they do not deserve to be talked down to nor yelled at. They should be helping daily with house chores.
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Was the sole purpose of having kids for them to maintain the house?
Sounds more like verbal and mental abuse, and you trying to justify it.
Nothing wrong with kids doing chores but sounds a bit extreme to me.
Poor kids, I don’t blame the 15 year old for acting out.
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Sounds like the parents especially the father is mentally/emotionally abusing the children. Possibly the mother may even be suffering from the husband’s abuse.
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Lord hunnie. My personality type would give you both a run for your money. I’d say treating your children’s chores like military boot camp is probably creating the opposite effect you’re looking for. I’d say more but honestly I stopped reading at “if the counters aren’t wiped off well enough.” I’d rub dog poo on them counters🙄
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This is legit child abuse, they’re your kids not your maids. Get off your asses and do some housework yourselves like ADULTS. Honestly they will probably grow up to resent the both of you.
I truly feel awful for your children 
So your husband is essentially treating your kids like he’s a drill instructor at boot camp, and you just stand by and watch? Abuse is abuse, period.
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Its normal for children to do chores correctly but damn you and him treat them like they’re hired help so what if you provide a home and have good things for your children congratulations on being a parent to your children who didnt ask to be here and get treated like shit and you “stay out of it” seek therapy
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Holy mother of Jesus on a pogo stick. Your children are your children, not the hired help. I agree with your daughter. If she has obtained a job outside of your home, by your own metric for you and your husband, she shouldn’t be expected to still do the same chores she was doing before she started working
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They all be gone soon wrong
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You two.do t want to.do.chores because you work really but your daughter works and is expected to kind of a double standard im wondering about the abuse you and your daughter speak of i hope.she finds someone she can talk to and will listen because it sounds like there is more to this story if those kids are being abused and you are allowing it i hope social.services comes better yet they get placement and you can clean up after yous selfs better yet a night or two on jail while its being sorted out
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I expect my kids to clean and if it’s not done correctly they do it again. I work full time and a single parent but I dont expect them to do everything. I deep clean once a week and they are expected to maintain it and their own rooms, laundry (teenagers) take out trash, unload dishwasher etc. However what you’re describing seems like you expect them to act as your personal maids, cooks etc and your husband sounds verbally abusive.
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She’s saying you are letting him abuse them because you literally are it’s not an opinion that’s just a fact
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So you said you and your husband don’t have to contribute because the children do so much?? That doesn’t sound bad to you? Your children having responsibilities is a good thing them taking care of your home entirely is not. Our children didn’t choose to be here, you chose to have them, therefore they shouldn’t have to do everything for you both. And FYI verbal abuse in a sense is much worse than physical it has long term effects and has shown proven damage to the brain. Hopefully you guys can seek counseling as a family.
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So how are your children supposed to do their best in school and find and pursue things they are passionate about and learning who they are while they are belittled abused house maids ?
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Its mental and emotional abuse. that should NEVER be allowed. And if you and your husband is working full time and do NOTHING then the ones working should not have to do it either
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‘Neither of us have much to do in terms of upkeep’ - really trained the help well then. Great example. These kids can’t WAIT to escape you and exist as people not plowhorses.
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You are the parent, you should be doing a majority of the household chores. You shouldn’t depend on them to keep up on the house. They’re children. I understand a chore or two, dishes one day maybe trash the next, alternate maybe. Just because you guys work doesn’t mean you don’t have to do chores yourself. She has a point. She’s working like you are so why would she have to do it….
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What have I just read my god those poor kids are in a prison camp, not their home.
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Do you have children or maids? Sounds like you praise your husband alot!! I understand that children need chores but To say that they fall short on his expectations and get verbally abuse if they don’t do it right is insane!! They’re going to grow up thinking that thats normal and will get abuse by their boss because they were never allowed to speak up. They’re are people too and they need respect!! Your 15 yr old is right, you need to take a look back and see if you’re hurting your children before they grow up hating yall, and moving out!!
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Maybe enjoy life a little bit instead of being so concerned about the cleaning of your house. Kids can’t be kids when you force them to clean all the time. Sure give them responsibility but lighten up a bit. Rooms need to be picked up and ask for help with other tasks but don’t expect so much. My son is 4 and he picks up his room which is expected of him and he knows it, I give him praise which makes him want to help me more around the house. Enjoy your family and stop forcing them to clean all the time ugh
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I feel so sorry for the children😞
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‘My 15 year old has wisened up to our bull and we need advice on how to silence her and increase complacency’ fixed it.
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“We both work a full time job and I only cook sometimes. My kids go to school full time and are expected to do all the chores.” … What? You and husband sound like the lazy ones.
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I get discipline and chores and respect… but damn… I mean like even in a military home there is more love and less dictating… Yall need to chill especially dad… If you dont want them to hate and never come around when they are out of that house, you need to show more love and understanding… You guys have slaves not children. I get her lashing out, your lucky that’s all she’s doing in my eyes.
So basically you had kids so they could be your slaves and do all the work around the house and go to school and try to have a life so you and dad can sit around after work. Haven’t had to clean in years wth. Wow just wow. I would run if I was your kid. You are not raising them to be responsible you are raising them as your slaves. Sorry not sorry
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It’s sad ppl have kids to make them keep the home in order! EVERYONE SHOULD BE CLEANING! Ppl say stuff like oh I pay the bills to keep a roof over your head, I put clothes on your back, I keep food in your stomach 
News FLASH these are the basic necessities to provide for the children YOU decided to have they didn’t asked to be born…… nor did they asked to be mommy and daddies personal house keepers:exploding_head:
Edit: I didn’t read it through…because red flags flew up within the first couple sentences. These kids are going to put y’all in a home when you get old:sob:
& I wouldn’t blame them. Verbal abuse is abuse…doesn’t matter if it’s daily or on occasion. Children shouldn’t experience any type of abuse from the ppl put here to protect them, especially not over cleaning a damn house that y’all can clean your damn selves. If the life y’all provide is “so good” hire some help…. This is nuts! Like seriously & WTH is $80 a month?!
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Yea, I think this is fake, but on the off chance it isn’t, she’s right. It’s abuse.
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The f*** did I just read 
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That is an abusive situation, I experienced a very similar childhood. I feel sorry for your children
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So basically if your slaves (children) don’t clean your house for you they get punished! Children are not here to be your babysitters, maids, money makers or any of that. If that’s the reason you want to have kids then you don’t need any!
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Exactly if that poor girl is at school and working and cleaning and being your slaves in top of the other children… ughh where is there time to not be depressed and exhausted… abuse is in many forms.
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He. Calls. Them. Names??? And you don’t think thats abuse? Listen to your daughter before it’s too late and all your children are gone and incase you didn’t hear it the first time LISTEN TO YOUR DAUGHTER. Stop letting your husband abuse your children!!!
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This is just shocking
Kids are kids not your slaves
Bad parents!!! Poor kids
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If you don’t think for a minute this isn’t a seed that grows into an abusive relationship for your children’s future partners, play it out and watch them watch their spouse and children cleaning grout at 1am with a toothbrush so everyone can sleep. Cleaning is one thing. This is… an issue.
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It’s always good to teach responsibility, but they only stay young for so long let them enjoy it. I can see a couple chores like cleaning their rooms and some other basic things. Not scrubbing the whole house so that you don’t have to.
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I wouldnt call doing chores or expected to help out around the house abuse. I also dont see a problem with correcting them when it is not done correctly. I feel everybody is expected to help out. Especially at 15 years old. As a family its called teamwork. I was expected to have my chores done and done correctly or I couldnt go with my friends on the weekend. I never saw or viewed that as abuse.
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Your kids are going to need a lot of therapy when they are able to get out from under all that abuse.
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U expect all this from yr children yet yr allowed to make "some"meals. So they cook too! For u and yr hard working husband ? Hmm then you say yr daughter now works too and still expected to do all chores same as before too? So …when do you and your husband jump in to this whole “home” up keeping equation besides the obvious, yes I know u work and pay all the bills!!! As all people are expected to do regardless if your a parent or not.
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Wow 
I have 9 kids who all have chores but your taking it to the extreme!! And your justifying yourself by paying them $80 per month and giving them nice things and days out!!! Surely as a loving parent you would give them them things anyway. And as for your husband all he is teaching your children is how to be a bully!! You will be very lonely old people whose kids hate them
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… so you and your husband don’t clean because you guys work?
Then why is your 15 year old cleaning if she works?
Double standard.
Your children do not want to spend all day everyday making sure the house is spotless, they want to be children.
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Sounds to me like she’s got the balls to stand up for herself…unlike her mom…stand up be a mom to these kids
This sounds like a verbally abuse home, where the children are looked at as maids instead of children. Money doesn’t equate to happiness. Responsibility is having them work for their things, and learning how to adult. Not be in a prison boot camp, in their own home. A clean perfect home doesn’t mean anything if your family and kids aren’t happy.
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I was treated like this by my father’s common law wife, and he condoned it. They both worked, and the kids were treated like domestic help. We cleaned the whole house every day, and there were inspections. We made dinner every night and cleaned up after.
The two of them spent each evening watching tv while we bartended for them. We also had to do gardening chores, trimming the edges of the grass by hand, and other chores that were labor intensive. I felt like a slave, a person in bondage. I left after 2.5 years to go live with my mentally ill mother, who also required chores and cooking, but wasn’t quite so much of a dick about it. But the abuse there was still apparent, and I got out of there when I was 15.
As a direct result of all this nazi cleaning bullshit, I regularly let my housekeeping go, because my husband doesn’t really care about it and I am not his slave, either.
Your kids will resent your theft of their childhood forever. Make amends to them now, make changes, or you will lose them forever.
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This kid needs a reality check. 15 is a hard year in their reach for independence. How about volunteering at a homeless shelter to see first-hand the results of bad life-decisions and choices.
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They are children and you are the adult. It’s your responsibility to have a clean home not your children’s. It’s their responsibility to keep their own belongings nice while respecting yours and your husbands. Sounds like you should’ve just spent money on a housekeeper instead of allowance. Kids have homework a social life after school clubs, college prep and test prep. Kids have enough to do without parents making it harder
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I agree with your daughter . You are abusing your children.Do you hear yourself?
Verbal/emotional abuse IS abuse. PERIOD.
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There is a huge difference between teaching your children necessary life skills and using them as indentured servants.
You and your husband are doing the latter, as well as verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusing them on top of it.
You’ve used the excuse of working full time to pass the majority of chores onto your kids…but don’t feel they deserve the same curtesy to account for their working outside the home?
Your daughter has every right to be upset.
You are flat out telling her that she, and her time, are less important than you and yours…though it sounds like the messages coming from your husband are even worse.
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I stopped reading at "don’t have to do much of anything for upkeep
" you and your husband should be also contributing, your kids aren’t there to alleviate any work for you and your husband and you both should be leading by example. Cinderella much?
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Is this real life? Like what the hell???
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