Parenting takes balance.
Should you expect them to help? Absolutely. Should you expect them to do it right? Sure.
But if you and your husband aren’t having to do anything around the house you’re probably putting too much on them.
Excusing it that you both work full time isn’t ok.
Kids are in school for 7 hours a day? Then often have homework. ECT.
They may not have income based “jobs” but they have plenty on their plate.
So your 15 year old…goes to school, does her homework, works, AND chips in enough on household chores that you don’t have to help? Yeah. I’d feel pretty awful too. Not saying to get rid of chores completely but take some of the pressure off.
My dad used to do that crap. I haven’t spoken to him in 10 years. For the record.
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Hire A Maid & Let your Kids Be kids!!
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Not to mention, call a maid service. Ask them what their rates would be on your home doing all the chores you expect your child to do and see how much it costs. You tell them $80 a month and they will laugh in your face!
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Wow! This makes me sad for your children. Sounds like you are running a military type household and your kids are scared and even you fear your husband and that’s why you step aside. This is mental abuse and it sounds like you would rather your children deal with the mental abuse then address the real issue and why you accept it . Your poor kids. Shame on you for allowing them to be broke down mentally so you can have a clean house 
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If you are always telling the kids the jobs they do are not good enough, they will never build self-esteem. Nothing wrong with kids doing some chores but they should be praised for the good not name.called.for the bad. Poor kids, they will grow up always needing approval because they never got it as a kid. If you only had kids to cook and clean for you, you had them for the wrong reasons
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Controlling and toxic top parenting 
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First of y’all sound like miserable parents to be around . Seems like you know your husband does the extreme when he yells and is now is calling them names .how can you be a mom and say nothing ? Guess he can slap them around too when he gets upset cuz discipline right.Then y’all have the audacity to call the kids lazy when they miss a thing or too . And y’all sit on your asses. This don’t sound like a happy home at all . Are your kids allowed to be kids or do they live in a boot camp?Tf did y’all have kids for . Buying them pets and going on vacation is nice but that shit means nothing when mom and dad belittle then and call them names for not wiping the counter . If y’all wants housekeepers then hire them . Your kids don’t even sound happy in their own homes. No wonder your 15 ur old is starting to “act out”. Imagine how they will be when they get in relationships and in life and they crumble from some one raising their voice cuz their parents didn’t know how to communicate effectively, or they don’t complete a task and now they are panicking from the possible repercussions cuz of how y’all treated them growing up . Y’all are insane. (Before anyone says anything , I believe in children being disciplined and doing chores and being taught these things . I also know children should be allowed to be children )
Please read some or all of the comments. This is way too strict in my opinion,
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Imagine letting your husband yell at your kids and call them names. But it’s ok though, you’re getting your house cleaned while you sit on your ass 
who’s gonna clean it when they leave? Because they will. “Oh but we pay them” Hire a cleaning service, along with a therapist, and stop picking on your kids!
My parents were this way accept I didn’t even get an allowance and I left without telling them so I guess it depends on if you ever want to have a relationship with them in the future also if you don’t think you should have to keep house because you and your husband “work full time” then she should’ve been excused from her chores when she got a job per your logic this is the kind of stuff that leads to children burning out and holding resentment towards you
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If its not up to ur husbands standard let him do them himself all for discipline but ya need ti draw the line at some point and stick up for ur kids the world will be tough enough on them In time to come a happy home doesn’t need to be a show house
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The verbal stuff is the abuse your daughter is referring to. Taking away their privileges for tasks not done correctly is one thing but verbally degrading them, as you mentioned he does, is not okay and IS abuse. She’s not wrong. You guys are lucky enough to have enough children to cover all of your housework outside of laundry and some cooking. However, if the 15 year old is working as well as going to school, then she is doing MORE than you & your husband so she should be expected to do less. If she no longer can do as many chores at home then stop giving her the $80 a month as that’s what her job is for. And you openly admitted you sit back when your husbands a dick which makes you just as at fault of the verbal abuse. I have 4 kids as well and they each have chores that make my life easier while instilling responsibility on them however I do the chore regime out of care for their future independence NOT for my current independence. I dont sacrifice their childhoods for a well maintained home.
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Your husband is abusive and if you don’t see anything wrong with that then you are too. My children have chores. I even fuss when some things are half assed but my kids are not maids. Quit using your kids for cheap labor. Yall sound like pretty shitty parents.
They probably already hate y’all. Bc y’all know better. Damn children can’t be children. You know what happens to strict children. Most grow up and be mentally and some commit suicide. Others have a hard adult life and it’s the parents fault. Nothing can be perfect
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I think some family counseling might help. If what your doing is not working, (you being passive & allowing this, dad being over the top, children not complying,) maybe things need to change. Maybe the kids would feel more appreciated if you and dad help with chores as well, and you work together?
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My parents where like this and long story short about her age I went down a very rebellious and dark path. Thank god for my husband who found me and helped me through the trauma my parents put me through! Do better please.
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The middle child has been watching how the older ones have felt for 15 years. You sound like you could have been my parents… why do you allow your husband to call them names and such? You pay your maid only 80 a month?? Not bad…I’m all for family participation with the cleaning and chores. Just cuz they should know how to do these things. But in my opinion you should hire a cleaning company instead of children. I’m sorry but I don’t agree with you and your husbands demands and methods of teaching. Good luck… it has just begun.
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I feel bad for your kids. As a mother, I don’t care who you are, you won’t talk to my son the way you’re ok with your husband talking to your kids. Smh
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Dont be surprised when you’re children leave home and choose never to talk to you again. Verbal abuse and intimidation is still abuse.
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Verbal abuse is abuse. I don’t care who a person is to my child they call them a name. Its a fight on sight, no mercy. I also understand wanting them to learn discipline and responsibility but what seems to be lacking is independence and self esteem.
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Ummmm you are the parents. You decided to have children. It’s your job to provide a safe and clean home. They are old enough to clean up after themselves of course but they sound like your staff or cleaning service and not KIDS. Neither of you should be verbally abusing them and often that also leads to mental abuse. I’d knock it off quick before your children resent you both.
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If you want a clean home you clean it if you want “standards” get and do it your self you lazy good for nothing. 80 a month is pocket change how many hours a day does this 15 year old provide you with free child care for your younger 2 so you both can work. When do your kids study ? Looking after the 2 of you like a pair of toddlers are you serious
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You and your husband should be ashamed poor children. Don’t have kids if your gonna be this type of parent!!
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Your daughter is right, She IS being abused. Verbal abuse and name calling is still abuse and will leave a lifelong negative impact on them. There is so much wrong with your post, that I wouldn’t even begin to tell you how crappy your kids lives sound. When they grow up, don’t be surprised when they move out and don’t come around anymore. Please get counseling …your kids need it for constantly being told that they fall short and aren’t good enough and you and your husband need it to learn how to be decent parents.
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Rules, discipline, and expectations are a normal part of parenting. Verbal, mental & emotional abuse are NOT. You both need to check yourselves & soon
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Wait, so you had kids just so they can do the up keep with your home. WOW!!
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Their spirits are broken. Seems your husband is more concerned with things being his standard rather than working along side his children and praising their work. Sadly if you don’t develop healthy boundaries one day your children won’t call or come back. Yelling and name calling are a sign he lacks self control. Please do better or your children will pay
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Y’all shouldn’t have had kids. Y’all trash parents:joy:
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You pay her to do the chores? Kids aren’t going to school? Believe me I came from very strict Asian family but my parents wouldn’t abuse me like this. You think you’re too good for them because you provide them “a good home, family vacation and blah blah blah”? So what? You sound like a company that your kids are working for. I have 2 tiny children of my own. But 10-20 year old? They’re supposed to be “helping” the parents do the chores not literally taking over. I personally don’t blame your daughter. And I pity both, you and your husband for wasting your precious time with those human beings you call them your kids. I hope you go to some therapy or something. This is horrifying. I heard those kinds of stories from step parents situations but own parents? Never
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They are children. Not maids. They should only be helping, not doing everything.
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You sound like psychopaths 
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Question how do you feel when things are done they are up to your standards but doesn’t meet his? Imagine how your children feel ? Remember you do not want your house to become a place where they don’t want to be in… your house should be their safe heaven! Let them be kids
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wait so the parents don’t like a messy house so it’s the child responsibility to maintain it lmao, yeah i don’t think so. i don’t blame the. hold for being unhappy. this is a bit much, your husband needs to understand they are CHILDREN/KIDS, they are not perfect so nothing will be done perfectly and if he isn’t happy with how they did it at least give them the credit they deserve for even doing the task and he himself can go behind to do it to “his perfection”
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I think you and your husband should take on some of the chores as well. Children aren’t maids. Yes they should have chores but not taking care of the whole home themselves.
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Learning and doing chores is one thing being your maid and verbal punching bag is another. You seem to think because you both work you both don’t need to do anything around the house but you chose to bring kids in to the world. They didn’t ask to be born to be your maid service. I understand preparing them for the world but they also need to be kids/teenagers. I would totally rebel if I was your child to. Keep it up once they are old enough to leave they will and never look back and you’ll loose any relationship you might have a chance to have with them when there adult’s. And shes not to far off from being able to legally move out now.
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It’s one thing to teach a child accountability like cleaning up after themselves, but a home should feel like a sanctuary, not a prison. You and your husband are choosing to be perfectionists. You are choosing to have your home look a certain way. Your children don’t get a choice. The yelling, threats and calling them names like “lazy” are most definitely forms of abuse so your daughter’s feelings are valid. I suggest you and your husband think long and hard about your priorities, because when your children are grown and they have all this built up resentment for you both, you’re going to have lots of time to think about why your children never come visit you in your prefect looking house.
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You and your Husband layed down and had them kids not their choice to be here they are not your slaves nor your maid I understand kids should have chores and learn how to make right decisions but they shouldn’t have to clean your whole house while yall do nuthin who cares if y’all work full-time most Grown ass adults to but we come home and still do our part in the house sounds to me like y’all are lazy when it comes to house chores continue doing what y’all are doing and your kids will not respect y’all and end up leaving to get away from the Verbal abuse its worse than physical abuse…WAKE THE HELL UP
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This doesn’t sound right. I like a clean home too. But, I clean it. Kids do their own laundry and have some chores. But to keep the entire house clean for you? Be the example. Sounds like you and your husband treat your kids like your personal maid service.
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So basically you and your husband turned your children in to your own personal maids, and verbally abuse them when the cleaning isn’t up to your standards? Yikes.
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You make it sound like you had children just to be your slaves and to keep your house clean no wonder they’ve had enough let them be kids
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I don’t agree with making your children slaves nor them being called names,for not being up to your hubby standed. Children should have nice things and be taken on family holidays, they shouldn’t have to be expected to do all the house work ,because you both work ,that choice was yours,not theirs, sure I believe Children should be taught to clean up after themselves and help to keep the house clean ,but not all of it ,you say you do the laundry and cook a few meals a week , but you expect your 15 year old daughter to go to school ,work and clean every day ,and if she doesn’t, she gets called nasty names ,and you say nothing , you just sit and relax because you went to work , sounds like your scared of your hubby too ,most mothers stand up for their children, tell your hubby to pull his head in. Ask yourself , when does she get time to be a 15 year old girl and not your house keeper ? If you are paying your 4 children $80 a month you could pay a cleaner once a week , we live in 2021 where children are children , not mum and dad slaves , you both need to stop living in the 60,or 70 my children would put up stink too
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Even in your own statement you’re admitting you let your husband take out his frustration on your children. Shame on you. Listen to your child. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical to be abuse. I think you know it too. Your teenager is trying to express to you a very important matter and you’re being dismissive. You and your husband’s behavior will have lifelong affects on your children. Get therapy. The both of you and your children. Family therapy.
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kids … need some chores but seems Too much to me… every house has it’s cross. but some need to give their kids more chores and in this case…less. you are ruining your relation with your kids. it doesn’t sound like a home to me. just an workhouse
Verbal abuse is indeed very serious. This is wrong! Your just as guilty as he is.
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I’m going off your words … And I’ll be blunt.
This is abuse. Not that you expect your children to work around the house… That beyond yelled at… To a child… It creates mental illness. I’m a product of that environment. You only want it the way you want it… And I get that… It’s convenient for you. But why couldn’t you say… Okay. You’re working now and you don’t want to do your chores, your rent is due on the 1st. Not only that, it creates attachment disorders, self esteem issues… All kinds of stuff. You’re not raising productive healthy citizens… You’re raising anxiety filled people who’ll question every decision they make… Because they weren’t taught how to make decisions. My way or the highway isn’t a choice because you’re not going to kick a fifteen year old out. Yes… Living in a home with yelling and constant turmoil… That’s abuse. Sounds like your husband is a bully and his mother didn’t hug him enough. Shame on you for not protecting them… You justifying his behavior is bullshit.
Btw I now have an 18 yr old living with me who was treated the exact same way that you and your husband treat your children. She left at 18 and I’m trying desperately to help her heal and fix the past 18 yrs of verbal abuse and being treated like someone’s live in maid. She wants NOTHING to do with her parents. Fix things now before it’s too late.
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This is actually the most disgusting thing I’ve ever read tbh. My kids have chores but wow this is ridiculous!! All I got from your post was you have four slaves that are abused when they don’t do something perfect so you don’t have to do it because you have a job I can’t even begin to comprehend your absolute arrogance and then tr say you let your husband degrade them with verbal abuse and name calling but paying them $80 a month makes it ok. ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT!! When do they do school work or heaven forbid have time to be children, and tbh I don’t blame your daughter if child services see this post I wouldn’t be surprised if they try find out who you are because with out a doubt you are both abusing your children
I’m more concerned on top of your husband calling your daughter names etc the fact that neither of you have had to do anything for several years…besides a few home cooked meals and the laundry…as you both work full time…news flash so does many others and they manage…
Myself and my husband have 5 children, and both work full time,…I did 12 hour shifts (days and night mixed) i still came home tidied up, took the kids to school, cooked a meal, and picked them up in between grabbing a cat nap in the day b4 going back to do another 12 hour night shift.
Give your head and your “'delightful”" husband of yours a wobble… your treating your children like slaves…and your justifying it by saying you give them nice things ie holidays, pets, phones etc… oh and if you think that what your husband is doing is acceptable more fool you, your 15yr old daughter will grow up to either resent you both or think its acceptable to have a relationship like the one you’ve got where a man can verbally abuse her and belittle her…
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Did you and your husband just have children so they can clean everything for you? Including your mess? They’re kids, not maids. It won’t kill you or especially your husband to clean. He doesn’t need to call them names just cause he isn’t happy. That’s terrible.
Whatever happend to trying your best??? It’s good they have chores and discipline. But if they do the best they can, and it still isn’t good enough for your husband then he’s the problem. Calling them lazy even after they did the best they can is rediculous! You are allowing your husband to mentally abuse them and be little them. I wouldn’t be surprised if the 15yr old moves out at 18 and has nothing to do with you guys. How would yourself or husband feel if your boss called u lazy after u did the best you could at your job?
I hope all the comments in here wake you up. Jesus. No one is perfect and you’re gonna lose any relationship you have with your daughter if you and your husband don’t relax…
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Not too late to delete this.
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With as much upkeep they are doing to the point of you and your husband not really to have to do any upkeep… I think they deserve some slack. Structure is good. Too much structure = unsatisfied/rebellious kids.
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You both are crazy! What is wrong with you… it’s a parent’s job to make sure the house is clean. if their rooms are dirty that’s their jobs to make sure they clean up their rooms and make sure they clean up their toys in the living room. You remind me of my adopted mother… she wanted everything perfect but couldn’t clean the house herself… I got punished the same way you’re punishing your children and you know what the funny part is it’s been 4 years since I talked to my adopted mother. I have children of my own I would never do something like that to my kids even though my children are 2 in almost four they know to clean up their toys in the living room and their rooms. You need to work on your relationship with your children!!!
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I teach my child responsibilities and have him do chores, but I also teach him that he doesn’t have to be perfect at everything. No offense to you, but you’re expecting too much. Life’s too short to have to vacuum an entire house over for missing one spot. Let them be kids
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WHOA!!!
You sound like the children are responsible for everything at home and the parents can just relax. I have 6 kids, I HELP my kids with chores because all of us live in this home. I also work full time. Sounds like they are not allowed to be CHILDREN at all.
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Your kids are not your slaves they can have chores but you people are abusive
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huge difference between discipline and abuse
This is flat out verbal abuse!!! Neither one of you deserve to be parents. You are worse than he is because your just letting it happen and not saying or doing anything to help the situation. I feel so bad for those kids. I pray you grow a back bone and help your children and the both of you seek help. Shame on the both of you!!!
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Verbal abuse to kids? Would you like to be verbally abused?
No wonder they are acting out they probably hate you guys and hate living there. They aren’t fucking slaves so you don’t have to lift a finger, hire a fucking maid if you want your house spotless.
Piece of shit parents, reading that makes me sick. Hopefully time goes fast and they all turn 18 and move the fuck out so they don’t have to be verbally abused someday.
Goodluck when your old and need your kids around to help you. I hope they ship you off to the nastiness nursing home possible.
I personally don’t pay my kids to do chores, it’s their house, mostly their own mess in the first place. Too many parents nowadays aren’t preparing kids for the real world as it is. Kudos to you guys for teaching them responsibilities in a world where too many are raising sissies. Just my personal opinion🤷🏻♀️
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Lady you need help don’t drag your kids in your shit
Poor kids…I understand wanting your kids to know but to call them names and degrade them…nope!!
I feel sorry for them…material things is nothing show them kids some love!!
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Chores are all well and good but perfection? They are children! Perfect doesn’t exist with kids. 
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It sounds like you are both running an efficient and miserable home. We do not own our children, we are on borrowed time with them. You will never get these years back and it sounds like you both care more about having a clean home than having happy children. The fact that your 15 year old can see that this is abuse and has come to you about it is heartbreaking. Your husband sounds like a monster. Stand by your children and dont have your home be something that gives them nightmares as adults.
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Yeah they’re gonna hate you later honestly. It sounds like you’re defending him more than the kids. She’s absolutely right she’s being verbally abused and she’s gonna think that’s ok for a man to treat her that way. Yeah girl y’all need to refocus.
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Why are you expecting your children to take care of your home completely? You make messes too. Did you honestly have children just to make them do stuff you don’t want to do?
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This is creating issues for your children in the long run. They didn’t ask to be born and their sole purpose in life should not be to make sure they meet your husbands “standards” and be your housekeepers. I was raised in a similar fashion (not as extreme, but bad) and it’s created a lot of anxiety and feelings of “not being good enough” well into my adulthood. It’s caused problems in my marriage and everyday life. Please remember your kids are kids- they’re not going to be perfect. And as for allowing your husband to talk to your kids in such a way that your daughter feels it’s abuse (which it is,) shame on you. Do you feel motivated to get things done when you’re belittled and getting called names? Do you work your hardest getting screamed at? Your home should be a safe space for your children- not a place where they’re scared of getting yelled at for not being perfect. I would never allow ANYONE to call my child names, let alone my husband- that is abuse and that is being a straight up bully. Do better and be a better parent. Advocate for your children.
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Depending on the age of kids they should only do things they are capable of doing and you can’t expect to have it done how you want because its not you doing it my 3 nearly 4 year old puts her toys back in the box and likes to help me do dishes but I don’t make her do it she wants to. (Obviously I’m stood there and nothing sharp)
Now my 9 year old likes to help hoover but again I don’t make him do it he likes to help
You are going about it all wrong
You can’t expect your children to want to tidy when you don’t tidy yourself children are taught by example 
Id be acting out too 
You two don’t sound like parents you sound like slave owners 
you don’t have children and make them do everything wtf is wrong with yall? I get teaching kids to be responsible and how to make it on their own but this is insane. Give those babies to someone that can love them properly because neither of you deserve them at all smh. This is pathetic af
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Kids aren’t born to make your life easier. They’re not your slaves wtffff
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You’re standing there letting him verbally abuse your children? No effing way. He would be gone or the kids and I would.
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Your kids are going to flee as soon as they turn 18 and they will never turn back…
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You basically said yourself he’s verbally abusive and you don’t say anything. She’s unhappy because he call them names. Would you like someone calling you names because what they do isn’t good enough? Sounds like you all have sl@ves instead of children.
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This is why children and young adults are committing suicide because they arnt able to be heard or have their own voices. The verbal abuse is not helping a damn thing. This is wrong in so many different ways. No matter how you say it or see it in your own eyes it’s child abuse. Honestly you should be reported with how you’re both treating your children. No matter their age.
Wow. I’m all for chores and helping BUT THEY DOING EVERYTHING. LMAO weather yall work full time or not THAT IS NOT THEIR JOB 
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He sounds like an asshole. Your kids are your kids, not your slaves. It’s YOUR house. YOU CLEAN IT. seems like a bad situation to me and your parenting sucks
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That’s called verbal abuse babe. And the fact that you just sit back and allow it to happen is gross. Get your head out of your ass, and don’t be surprised when your kids move out one day and never want to see you guys again.
Home is to be a safe place for children. I understand chores, don’t get me wrong. But those kiddos ain’t gonna want shit to do with y’all, and I couldn’t blame them.
So you have live in maids. Not kids. That y’all verbally abuse. And don’t see an issue. That’s what I’m gathering from this.
Fat ass yikes. I’d be unhappy as hell too. Tf.
You both need a reality check real quick! You are the kind of parents that every child regrets having and is afraid to stand up to them or have any opinions of Their Own. I don’t even know you but the feelings I have for you both are pure hatred and I feel so sorry for your children! Poor babies.
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“I do laundry and cook SOME meals.” Tf. They are your children not servants. Your 15 year old sounds spot on.
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Kids are still kids no matter the age.
Is this person serious?? Yes the 15 yo is absolutely correct. You are letting him abuse them! And if you seriously don’t see the issue, that’s fucking horrible. No matter how much you pay them off.
This sounds like torture. They will rebel like hell if y’all don’t cut them some slack. My dad treated me this way and I’m 26 and have no relationship with him. This is actually pretty sad to read.
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Na. My mum was like this… I ended up living with my dad. I still had to do chores but not to army standard. News flash. I was the cleanest 1 in my father’s house and he then always wanted me to acually clean up. Didn’t yell so I was ok with it.then I became my mum…wanted my house a certain way. 4 kids later, I have them do chores. And I will show them how it’s done. No one wants to grow up thinking the dam paru bench is wiped when it was just wiped with a hand. That ain’t perfection. That’s doing it properly. I’m still finding better ways to show my kids how it should be done properly. Not half ass which is where I see this post. I do hope u guys are getting in there with them to make it abit fun at times.
Work alongside with yor kids,verbal abuse will definitely drive them away from you both,children need attention and love,what you give is what will receive, be nice to your kids
I feel sorry for your kids
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Sooo… the people who are supposed to love and protect them are treating them like this???
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What the hell is wrong with you people. I hope you’re kids grow up and not talk to you ever again. With all that verbal abuse… unreal…
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Way to raise children who feel they are never good enough for their own parents
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“Our children fall short often”
They’re CHILDREN. Give them a damn break. You got a kid crying out for help for Gods sake.
let your kids be kids… holy hell what kind of prison are you running?!
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Okay so your child is telling you she is frustrated. Talk to the child. The children should of course help but they shouldn’t have to be solely responsible for keeping the house up as though they are the maid. I read this and felt sorry for your kids because I know what it’s like having parents who pressure you into keeping a tight ship because they feed you or do what parents are supposed to do. That kind of pressure will make your kid move out. Yall are pressuring these kids. My kids got chores too . Do they do them everyday? No. Do I pay them? No. It’s a chore not a job. Its teaching responsibility not obligation. Don’t make your kids feel bad because you guys take them somewhere or feed them. It’s what good parents do.
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My dad was this way. It’s not healthy. I started to resent him and didn’t really get a long with him until I was well into adult hood. It causes me to have a lot of anxiety
Y’all sound like wardens, not parents.
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First of all, your job is to maintain YOUR home and to TEACH your children how things are done BUT never expect them to do it and especially not perfectly.
You’re supposed to encourage your children and praise them when they contribute whether it’s to your standards or not. And if it’s not, talk to them with respect by showing them how to do it a better way and explaining why that way is better. Never EVER belittle their efforts. And always remember… Your voice becomes their inner critic into adulthood.
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Wow. Clean up your own mess. They aren’t your slaves
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Nothing wrong with chores but they are not slaves or housekeepers
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