I have a 16-month-old, and I’m lost on how to get my child to learn not to hit people and to listen to mama and daddy. He won’t kiss mama or daddy or hug us. He is very violent towards us, especially me, as his mama and other females. He slaps you in the face or anywhere he can go for no reason at all, and I have no clue where my child has learned this behavior from. He isn’t in daycare and usually never around children and mainly around mama, daddy, and g-ma. When my child’s aunts come over he will slap them whenever they try to give him loving or play with him, and We are trying to teach him not to do it but nothing works, and it is so upsetting and embarrassing that he slaps strangers, family, mama, anyone but like I said mainly, females. I have tried punishing him by taking his toys away and putting him in time out for a few minutes, I’ve tried telling him no and popping his hand, I’ve tried fake crying and saying owe, and now I’m to the point I don’t know what to do because nothing work he just laughs at you and hits you more if you get on to him and put him in time out he gets mad and starts throwing his toys or whatever he can throw at you and screaming trying to fight. Any advice on what to do next because I’m lost, and I can’t continue to let him hit on me or anyone else…
Take him to a child psychologist
Dont do that ^ waste of money. Hes 16 months old.
If you dont stop it now it will only get worse.
Honeslty I’ll catch shit for this but he needs to be disciplined. ( dont beat him )
But dont let it continue.
If there’s nothing like that going on between you and the dad, then maybe it’s stuff he’s watching on tv? Or maybe even watching with Grandma?
My son is 2 and likes to play hit and will do it especially when he is watching The Incredibles cause he likes to copy the fighting
Good luck to you It could really just mean a matter of change in environment and maybe it’ll stop
Perhaps a woman has harmed him!
Talk to doctor could be autism or something else causing the hitting
Maybe just try straight up ignoring him. I’m sure it hurts when he does it, but they not to give him a reaction at all. Like just get up and walk away until he has a couple minutes. Then come back and explain to him. I think sometimes kids do things to get a reaction.
Ok so he’s hitting when people try to love on him… he doesn’t want them to do that. He’s showing you a boundary. Kids can say no to affection. They have that right. Timeout isn’t going to work for a one year old. Redirect. Don’t give him a reaction when he hits. Tell him “I’m not playing with you if you’re going to hurt me” and walk away. Teach don’t punish… he’s too young to understand punishments.
Make have time out and get him help
Try ignoring him. Sometimes you just have to turn your back on them and ignore the behavior. Some kids will choose any kind of attention even if it is negative.
Litterally this is a phase. Idk why everyone is blaming tv or autism or someone else harming him. My kid is 21 months old and does this. They dont know around this age. Hes just get super hyper and doesnt control himself. They are toddlers. My oldest son did this and hes a thriving 6 year old now. Dont worry. Just ignore it and itll pass. He’s doing it for attention. My toddler pushes us away all the time because I wanna kiss on him and hug on him. It’s the toddler stage. Itll pass.
Every single time he hits say “NO hitting” and put him in his bed or wherever you do time out. Do not let him out for 90 seconds. Every single time. Do not stop, do not give up, do not let him do 2 or 3 hits before reacting. If you see him winding up to hit, grab his hands and say “NO hitting” consistency is key. He will learn, this is normal for his age.
U need to get help for that it could become a very bad thing in the future as it will only get worse and by not getting help u will live to regret it
Is he autistic. It sounds like you need to have him checked out
Stop popping his hand- that teaches its an answer to a problem.
Timeout in his bed. Dont make a huge fuss over the behavior. Example how to have calm cool and collected habits when frustrated.
Do something he really enjoys doing. When he hits you take the activity or food and leave him where he is. Go to another seat and continue the activity he enjoys doing. At this age punishments don’t work. It’s redirecting you need to focus on. He will learn that when he hits you’ll leave. If he is still struggling, ask your doc to evaluate him. But hitting is a very normal phase for someone just learning they can have an effect on someone else.
Ignore him. Send him away and ignore him. We don’t talk/ play with mean boys.
My son went threw a short stage of hitting around that age. I would get up and put him straight into he’s cot for 1 minute. Eventually he learnt that any bad behaviour means he ended up in he’s room. He’s cot had no toys in it, just the mattress to lay on. I didn’t talk to him or anything. I would walk straight over, pick him up then put him in the cot. When we went our, we brought the portable cot with us and placed it in a room away from everyone. He’s now 2 and he doesn’t hit. He still plays rough but, he knows to give hugs or say sorry when he hurts someone and we do 2 minutes time out in a chair in the kitchen.
It’s a phase. My 16 month old loves to slap, head butt, and pull my hair. No one else. He also gives hugs and kisses though. He has a complete meltdown when I tell him no and won’t let him do it.
My 14 month old did this for a couple of months and thank god it turned out to just be a phase. Believe it or not this is somewhat normal behavior for toddler boys. My son didn’t respond to any kind of discipline regarding this either, his dr said he was too young to understand timeout or explaining to him why it was wrong so he told us to ignore him when he’s hitting and to put him down until he stops. He eventually caught on that when he hits we weren’t going to hold him or play with him. I hated it at the time because I felt like I was ignoring him but it worked and I preferred doing that rather than hitting him back like some other moms told me to do.
Lol the child isn’t even a year and a half old yet… no punishments of any kind are going to work
Also do not force any child to give or receive physical affection
It’s a phase. Just keep saying no. And watch does he do it when he doesn’t want to be touched. You said when people try to play or love him. Maybe he doesn’t want to play or be touched. He is a human to and has no other way to communicate don’t touch me
Repetition. Firmly saying no. It’s a phase. Babies crave stability and a schedule.
Any attention, even negative attention, is attention to a child this age. The more upset you get, the more he’ll do it. You have to use the Respond Not React method. The first time he hits, you say no. The next time he hits, you immediately put him down, stop playing, etc and walk away. Stay out of his sight but where you can keep an eye on him for a few minutes then return to playing or whatever. He’s looking for a reaction so being upset, animated, appalled and even hitting him back is just feeding into his attention seeking behavior.
Consider a play therapist for children, they observe while they play and will tell you why hes behaving this way
You can’t teach a child not to hit by hitting them. This is normal toddler behavior - they have no impulse control. Teach him to use “gentle hands” or “nice hands” and when he tries to hit, immediately stop him and say “you can’t hit mommy. I won’t let you hurt me”. Consistency is key. Redirecting them onto something else also helps.
I have 2 kids and didnt have this issue with either child. I dont know how “normal” this but I myself would definitely take my child to a Dr. Especially, if you really feel like you’ve tried everything called for discipline wise. If nothing is wrong medically, then its something you should consult a child behaviorist about.
I’m seeing a lot of horrible advice like isolating him or physical discipline. I implore you to do your research on developmentally appropriate behavior and work from there. At 16 months he lacks the impulse control to not hit as well as regulate his emotions. The worse thing you can do is hit him back. How can you teach someone not to hit by being hit themselves.
It also is not a behavioral issue nor is is a red flag that he will be “bad.”
Watch Jo Jo the British nanny
Ok so my opinion here is that your projecting some expectations on him that are a little unreasonable at this age. He doesnt HAVE to hug or kiss anyone, hes not obligated to. It feels forceful. Secondly, I think there needs to be a little more communication as he works through his impulse control. They literally are just learning how to deal with big emotions. We use timeout as a “calm down” method to regather and try again. She goes in a chair, not near toys, and I stay in the room with her but with no interaction and set the timer for her age. If she gets up I calmly put her back and restart the timer (this may take many times as theyre learning!). My kid still hits occasionally out of frustration but it’s our job as parents to remain calm, talk to them, and teach as appropriate.
My son does this because he can’t explain how he feels he gets frustrated he’s showing signs of autism
My son does this and he is 11 months old… I just restrain his hands with my hands for about 90 seconds or until he stops fighting against me trying to free his hands… as I restrain him i tell him no… And I do this until he stops hitting me… Daddy does it too for consistency… Doctor says its normal and that he is just trying to communicate and that with proper guidence he should grow out of this phase… As far as showing affection the doctor says usually babies dont try hugging/kissing until they are around 2yrs old… If my son gets too far into a tantrum then we do time out until tantrum stops usually no longer than 2 or 3 minutes then we try positive interactions again
When my kids did this I held their hands (gently but firm) & said no firmly until they got cranky from me holding them…I had to repeat constantly but it was affective & works
I know sometimes it feels like your child is the only child to act a certain way. Let me assure you that they aren’t. Don’t be emberassed. It is a stage. It will pass if handles correctly. Most of us have dealt with some behavior where we felt like the only parent ever to go through it. Chances are- you aren’t and most other people understand that.
My daughters at that age threw toys and hit her friend in the head also would hit and bite me I slapped her hand put her in time out she laughed smacked her butt 1 time not hard at all she cried and made her sit
He’s testing boundaries, slap him back and see if he continues doing it. Yes I did say to slap a baby, he needs to know that it hurts and I’m not saying a full force slap but yes just enough to get his attention. #sorrynotsorry
Have him evaluated by a developmental pediatrician asap.
Hitting a child to teach them not to hit is counterproductive. Mu 18 month old did the same thing a firm NO we do not hit and walking away worked for her.
1 stop forcing him to be loved on,as he doesn’t like it.Hitting you is his only way to get you to stop.2 When he does hit grab his hands and tell him no.You may have to do this over,and over.He may even need to be put in his crib/playpen for a time out.3 he’s a baby,he’s not suppose to listen.Some babies like to be held,others don’t.Would you to be hugged or kissed any time some one felt like it?4 get this child out,and about.He needs to be around other children.Play groups,church,library something.He may be over exposed to you 3 people.Babies need breaks from people too.Don’t expect too much,you may want to read some books on children his age,or ask his doctor
At 16 months he is NOT going to understand taking toys away.
With my son i say ouch and move away from him.
That said…him hitting isn’t that concerning (most kids go through it or something similar) however…i would speak with his doctor.
Not liking to be touched (kissed and hugged) is a sign of autism…
and i know for my son hitting, kicking, and biting are actually sensory seeking behaviors
It’s his age. My 18 mo old daughter does this but only to me. Every time I get to her level and tell her no we don’t hit mommy. She is getting better
Every time he throws his toys at u , take them & put them away. And when he hits also put him in his room. I hope that works
The hitting stage is rough, but it is a pretty normal thing with all of my boys I would gently say “ouch” and grab their hand and have them ‘pet’ whoever they hit while calmly saying “make nice” I learned that the bigger the reaction, the more they do it. And figured my tapping their hand is basically doing the same thing they did, showing them it’s ok because they don’t understand that just cuz mom or dad do something doesn’t mean baby can do it too.
My goodness he is 16 months, he will learn not to hit. Just the age
Bring a carseat in and set him in it near you but dont let him out till he agrees to stop and do nice touches, tell him a nice touch is a high five or a hug or a loving rub . Then when he chooses hurtful touch put him in his seat . If he wont stay in buckle him but stay near , dint get mad or show frustration just be matter of fact .
Keep doing what your doing it’s a phase all 3 of mine went through it
Do you guys watch violent movies or UFC and so on, they usually pick up off that aswell.
Kids hitting sometimes is normal. This doesn’t sound normal to me. It sounds like he has sensory problem and doesn’t like being touched that could also be autism. I would definitely speak to your doctor about this kind of behavior. If he says it’s just a phase then you’ll have to wait it out. if it’s not just a phase you knowing so early on in his life will only help you understand what his needs are for the future
Bust his little ass. A couple of swats on the ol’ ass never hurts. When he’s in time out make sure there’s no toys close to ware he can pick them up and throw them.
If you have tried everything else and nothing is working try telling him no and then when he laughs or does it again simply put him down and do not show ANY attention to him for a bit. Once he realizes that you dont put up with it and he wont get any reactions or attention from ANYONE if he hits, he will stop. Right now he sees you reacting and showing him attention (good or bad) and thinks it’s a way to show he has some control over the situation.
It’s how I had to break my kid
I pretended I couldn’t hear or see him for 5 mins and he broke down crying and it only took 2 times before he realized it would only happen each time he did it.
Now he is 3 and knows better so when he acts out on purpose he has consequences appropriate based his age and what he did to be punished, such as time out, belongings taken away, no sleepovers or play dates, even had to take everything of his expect his bed and his books for a week not long ago for extreme violent behavior towards me because I wouldn’t let him play in the driveway. He learned real fast that I dont allow certain behaviors and there are real punishments if he misbehaves… I’ve only had to spank him maybe 3 times ever in his life and only because it was a life threatening action and we had exhausted all other options before we deemed it necessary for safety of everyone.
Oo my neighbor daughter when she was just abt a year used to just slap anyone in their face and one day her mama hit her on the back of her palms after she had just slapped me and then little kid slapped her mama and the mama repeated and that went on for abt 5 times and the child never hit anyone again as far as I know
I wouldn’t make him hug or kiss other people if he’s not comfortable, but you shouldn’t put up with the hitting either. He might enjoy getting the rise out of you when you get upset, so maybe stay calm and grab his wrist when he tried to hit you, and say “you don’t hit others,” and don’t show him when you lose your cool. But just to make sure, I would also take him to a doctor and get him examined for autism.
My sentiments exactly Amanda Lovejoy.
Check out YouTube videos of Supernanny Jo Frost! She has excellent advice about raising toddlers!
My advice. When he hits, say to him “no no, nice, gentle hands”. Rub his hands. Show him what gentle means.
Since your a SAHM, look into the local group MOPS in your area. Your toddler will be socialized. You get to meet other moms in your area.
You need tobe consistent. Every single time. Tell him no hitting. Practice gentle touch. Praise him when he does soft touches. Totally normal for his age.
I think you should be telling their pediatrician all this.
Everyone can tell you to do this or do that, but every child is different. What works for one person may not work for the other. Talk to their pediatrician, start counseling, anything the doctor recommends. It’s not easy. Have patience. God bless you.
Has he met all his milestones? It may be worth getting an assessment from a developmental pediatrician. They’ll be able to help you figure out what’s going on.
One of mine went through this, he eventually grew out of it, just be consistent
To Mamas Uncut - Just an idea that “might” help? You mentioned that he doesn’t even want you to hug him - well when he strikes out at you or hits you or throws at you - try “striking back” in Love - meaning Swat his little butt a couple of times, not to bruise, but to make it Sting enough until he cries - and then reach out with a smile and see if he doesn’t Want to reach out and give You a Hug as you tell him how much you love him. Might work with a Sting & the Love. (a Pop Pop)
If it were me I would do time outs and be consistent about it. He will cry and scream but he has to know that inflicting pain is not okay. Or if he wont do time outs, maybe just whoever he hits (if he continues hitting after telling and showing to be gentle) have them set him down and walk away. We had to do the putting down and walking away to get my nephew to stop biting at this age. He always wanted to be held but would bite every time. He knew to be nice if he wanted to be held
I would recommend not forcing physical contact, unless he initiates it. (kind and respectful physical contact) It would be a good idea to think about what the people he has been in contact, or the media content he has been in contact display. This type of behavior is learned, especially if it is specifically against women. Try not to reply with the same violence, yelling or whatnot. its hard, hang in there. but don’t give into that, keep limits clear! If he doesn’t like it, oh well. limits are limits. best of everything!!!
He could be on the spectrum…IF he has truly never learned this behavior from you or family. Just a thought. Could be right or wrong.
But as for being affectionate, my 2 year old JUST started being affectionate. He was just not interested. But I never gave up and kept loving on him and giving him kisses and never expecting him to give in return. And one day he did! And it was worth the wait
As far as discipline, every child responds to something differently. My kid hates being put in the corner. And we don’t do it for longer than 30 seconds at the moment. But whatever works for u and ur child, CONSISTENCY is the key. You have to be consistent in everything you do.
First of all this child isnt even a toddler yet he is still considered a baby bcz his 1 year and 4months so the way you handling his behaviour with time outs and shouting and smacking him is all wrong.Smacking him is showing him that hitting him is a form of communication bcz it means no.As the ladies said show him how to be loving by displaying affection towards as much as possible and he could be frustrated bcz his always around 3 adults and needs to socialize with other babies ir toddlers.Play soothing music and nursery rhymes teach him to sing with actions and phrase him.Get short story books to teach him about the bad guy vs good so he develops an understanding of why hurting people isnt good.Saying no and stop at this age wont work with all babies especially boys because they so daring.If all this doesnt work you can seek advice from professionals.Also take note if he does show happy emotions eg.laughs when you play with him,smile while watching tv or kiddies programmes☺He will be ok
Also some babies cant be bothered with too many kisses and hugs and their cheeks being pulled etc so being affectionate doesnt necessarily mean kiss him the whole day.Maybe mama and grandma are kissing him too much and his communicating by saying “no” “stop” by hitting you guys then most naturally visitors come and kiss him who his not totally used of and his saying no again so respect his space also😉
I just ignored my son when he hit or bit me at that age, he doesn’t do it anymore. Also he went through a phase where he didn’t want cuddles or kisses but loves them now. He’s 2.
Sensory Processing Disorder?
I have seen so many comments on here saying hurt your child back. That is abuse think what it could do to that child! It could affect there whole life. A parent could smack a child and get more angry and could smack harder not knowing as you can’t feel it but that poor child can. It has really upset me knowing so many of you have said this more ways then you will know. There are so many kids being abused because parents don’t seek help from the health visitors when they can help in so many ways. So please do not hurt your child it’s not the way! Raising a child can be hard but you chose to have a child, that child did not ask to come into this world and to be hurt of all things.
Sometimes it’s frustration from lack of being able to communicate, sometimes it’s if they do it and you don’t respond with a “no” and/or redirect they think is OK to do. It may possibly be an aversion to being touched… And he responds with aggression. Could be his reaction to a change in environment or stimulation. I would ask your pediatrician. (I am a pediatric nurse x25+yrs) it could be many number of reasons, if pediatrician knows your child well she assess it, and give you direction.
But don’t hit ot hurt your child back… That is always the wrong answer… You can’t hit a child to keep them from hitting… See the confusion??
All that teaches is its OK for big people to hit little ones…
Watch super nanny episodes
I’m sorry but it seems like your baby might have a problem with unsolicited unwanted touching, and while i do not support his way to retaliate, i completely understand him trying to set a boundary.
Many grown ups don’t understand that a child should have body autonomy as well.
You forcing him to kiss or be touched might not be very different to hitting in his eyes. I would address it in therapy but seriously if he doesn’t want to be touched maybe it should start there.
Just my opinion
Maybe try staying out of his face? You know how many germs are passed around? Family members could accidentally make him very sick. Sounds like he’s annoyed by his mamma and all the other people invading his space.
I can’t agree enough with all of the people stating that it appears he does not want to be touched. While there is a possibility he could have some sensory issues, at this age, it’s too early to diagnose. It’s really very common for small boys to not be interested in soft/sweet physical affection. My son is 9 and he loves hugs and kisses and cuddles now, but he also really loves wrestling and bear hugs. He is as likely to show me affection like that as he is to show affection in other ways. Run with him and really engage him in physical play and tire him out - you may see a decrease in aggression. Give him as much time as you can outside. Let him play rough and tumble…sometimes we mommas try to get our little boys to play “gently” all the time and don’t let them get that energy out. That can also lead to aggression because they feel frustrated.
Try hitting him back!
My daughter hits. When she gets excited she likes to hit in the chest when she is sitting on your lap or jumping. So, acter a few times of me hitting her hand she has stopped for the most part.
She hauled off and hit me in the face for not giving her attention. I am not gonna lie, I smacked her back in the forehead. Not hard. Just enough for her to know, hey, that hurts.
You just gotta be consistant, and maybe a few bittle bops is what is needed
Ours do this too. You just have to stop them and tell them no. Over and over and over. It’ll get better. They’re 18 months now, and it’s gotten lots better.
Put him in corner for a few seconds
By the way you have explained it seems he is only violent when you try forcing affection on him?
Maybe he just doesn’t like being forced to give unwanted affection
At that age they can’t communicate so his way of showing he doesn’t like it is violence
Sometimes a smack on the hand not hard just enough to get attention and a firm no! Be consistent and it will get better. Yeah he may not like all people in his face, understandable. But you have teach children at home so they know not to act like that at other places and to other people. I know people are going to say child abuse but it’s not if you don’t actually hit him. Just a small smack and a firm no, and he will start to get it. I did this with mine starting at a year old and they were never harmed or abused. Just taught not to do things they shouldn’t.
With the same had or object they hit you with you rub it where they hit you and on them and say gentle. Demonstrating being gentle.
My son hit at that age. He’s to young to diagnose but my kiddo ended up, a little later in life, being diagnosed ADHD & ODD. Talk to his doc, best wishes!
It may be as simple as he wants attention and even negative attention is better than nothing at all. But he is young and sometimes children don’t realize what they are doing. Perhaps take his hand and try stroking your face or arm, where ever he tried hitting and say “no hit, please, just stroke mommy/love mommy.” Make sure your hubby/his daddy reinforces that. It could be his thinking is just a little bit off is all. But definitely consult with his doctor!
Maybe speak with his pediatrician…a lot of what your saying sounds like ADD ADHD OR AUTISTIM… Yes he is very young and it’s hard to diagnose things at a young age but it’s worth a shot
It’s just a phase that some kids go through. I’ve taught my daughter to use ‘nice’ hands and give her lots of praise. All 3 of my kids had this phase.
Talk to his doctor about his behavior. He might have a chemical imbalance
My daughter started having terrible tantrums at 18 months. She has ODD and is now on Abilify. Its helped tremendously.
Speech delay, autism, adhd…
OMG not everything is add, adhd, etc. ppl! Y’all are so quick to want to diagnose a child with something. I work with children and many 1 year olds do this. They are learning! Like damn people!
He’s only 16 months people!!
What does the doctor say did you bring up this issue? Take him to play therapy.
Get him to a Christian counselor quickly and a medical counselor. It’s not going to get better . Pray that the holy spirit speaks to this child.
Sounds like he’s seeking any attention he can get.
Could be sho showing signs of Autism. My son did the same and by two was diagnosed with Autism.
Pop on the hand or behind…
hit him back, not to hurt him by any means, but so he knows what it feels like. i had a friend who’s daughter bit if she didn’t get her way or for no reason at all.somwtimes. she was almost 3. she bit her brother so hard one time he bled. i told her mom let them bite her back, not hard like to break the skin just enough she knows what it feels like. sure enough they did it and it took about 2 weeks, she never bit again.
Sounds like my daughter. She’s 14 months old. She hits everyone, especially adults. Scratches, slaps, etc… Will also laugh when we tell her no or slap her hand and tell her no no. I honestly just think it’s a phase. She just started doing it on her own. I don’t get embarrassed because shes still little.
Definitely talk to his dr