Need adivce please no judgment I’m completely heartbroken and at a complete loss on what to do with my 16 year old son. He moved out not long after his 16 birthday to his grandparents, he was only meant to stay there 3 nights because it’s closer to his college and then be back home with me and his brother. But he didn’t come back home. He doesn’t want to live with me anymore because he said I forced it out of him that he was Gay. I was concerned because he was up all night till 6am talking to whoever every night and was keeping up all night. So I said I’m turning the internet off at 10pm every night because it’s not healthy and he has to get up so school. He completely broke down in tears because I asked who he’s talking to all night and he wouldn’t tell me, which then got me even more concerned thinking is he being groomed, so I kept asking questions to see why he was so upset and then I asked if he was gay and he said yes. Which I have no problem with and he said he had boyfriend, again I’m fine with, but he has to be respectful of others trying to sleep and so does he at night. So he’s moved out because I turn the internet off and I forced to come out as being gay. I’ve seen him 4 times in the past 8 months. His grandparents won’t let me in there home to see him. He doesn’t get on with his younger brother, that’s another reason why he doesn’t want to come home. But this is where it gets a bit serious, he left he DS here and his younger brother who is 13 was having a look through it and he’s told me that my 16 had taken pictures of his p****. So now my youngest is traumatised with what he’s seen. I questioned my oldest about it and he said ohh I was just messing around you haha funny willy. I asked if he sent them pictures to anyone and he said no but I don’t believe him. So I bought the DS down to the police because I still think he was being groomed, just something doesn’t feel right to me. So I’ve told him that the police are going to investigate what’s on his DS because it’s against the law to take pictures or send them to anyone under the age of 18 and I told him they will probably want to look at his laptop as well. So now he sent me a message saying I am no longer his mother he wants nothing to do with me anymore and I’m nothing to him. Ive lost my son over fall outs with his brother, the internet and for loving him for who he is. His nan knows he’s gay but he won’t tell his grandad. He had nothing to do with his dad either. I just want my son back.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My 16-year-old will wants nothing to do with me
Honestly, you brought this on yourself. Smh
I’d move out too. You definitely do not sound like someone I’d be comfortable being around.
You made your bed. Get cozy.
Wow. At least he has his grandparents
Learn how to respect him then… smh the last step you should have taken was getting police involved you can play that like you were concerned all you want but we Alllll know that was another control move and a really weird one towards your 16 year old child at that 
Can’t say that I blame him.
What’s not healthy is how he didn’t feel comfortable enough with his parent to discuss his sexuality. He should be with his grandparents not you.
You’re using being concerned as a cover up here lol you sound controlling and awful to deal with. Thankfully he has grandparents
You tried to control his every move and didn’t respect him or his privacy and then you took his private stuff to the cops. He would have come out to you when he was ready and you way overstepped, I wouldn’t want anything to do with you either 
This should be good.
Wow, cant say blame him for moving out, that sounds very controlling. You forced him into telling you something he probably still wasn’t sure about himself and obviously wasn’t ready or comfortable to share with you.
Ya you need to back off and let grandma take care of him. You violated a major boundary and you’re just gonna have to live with that. When he’s ready for it to be fixed you’ll be the first to know. You could force him to come home but that’ll just make it all worse. Every move you make will just make to all worse. He needs time, space, and respect.
Also the fact he didn’t feel safe to tell you should scare the living shit out of you. You’re doing something wrong that tells your children they can’t trust you to know their true selves. Maybe reflect on that instead of trying to figure out how to be more forceful. Force is what got you here. Learn to put it down.
You made your bed At least his grandparents are more like parents
It sounds like you knew and are trying to force him into not having the ABILITY to maintain the relationship he has, you know… he is 16. He doesn’t really owe you answers. You are making life miserable for him!!!
There is a difference in being concerned and being nosey and controlling. Personal things take time to share and trust who you share with. You now confirmed that he can’t do either with you.
You sound like a bully. And if you were really concerned you wouldn’t feel the need to validate your reasons with “oh its not respectful to ppl sleeping at night” or whatever. And the POLICE?? Really?? Thats a bully move
You were going about it all the wrong way and then you added fuel to the fire. You made things so much worse. Thank goodness your son has his grandparents. You need some serious self reflection. Wow! I mean wow! I would have reacted the exact same as your son did…
This situation was handled incorrectly, both parties were in the wrong. You should of respected his privacy and trusted him and he should of respected the house rules of not being on the phone after 10pm. There’s nothing you can do that will make him come back to you unfortunately, this is a mistake you made and will have to live with. Give him his space and maybe over time he can learn to forgive you. Definitely stop digging the hole you’re in, the police shouldn’t of been involved at all, you need to go withdrawal your complaint.
Wow this hurts to know there are still parents like you out there in 2022:pensive: you did this to yourself lady 
I get being concerned for your child… but even as a parent you crossed a few lines… let him be and if/when he’s ready to talk he will 
You did this to yourself, all kids need privacy and you went beyond that, thank god he has his grandparents
Legally he is your responsibility and needs to come back home. Get the law involved and get him back. Apologize for what you did and tell him you love him and will do whatever it takes to make things right. He is 16. You are in charge. His grandparents not letting you see him is just wrong. Good luck.
Why were you pushing so much ? I’m not understanding what benefit that provided .Getting the police involved was probably the icing on the cake .
Wow!!! Just Wow!!! Why the police 
???
Also your youngest isn’t traumatized by accidently seeing a picture of their brothers dick. Grow the fuck up and teach your youngest to grow up too.
Omggg you sound completely mental! I think it’s the best interest to leave him be. You went way to far. Bringing his DS to the police, I’m sure they laughed at you when you left
You don’t want any judgmental but did you read what you posted? You have some issues that you need to deal with.
Helicopter parent. Poor kid.
Wow smfh I’m on ur son’s side with this one:woozy_face:
I would have moved out too. You sound ridiculous and horrible
You literally are pushing him away ! I’m sure your other son is not “ traumatized “
By seeing a picture of a P , he has one himself!
You are being ridiculous!
You sound like a Bully !
Prob the only one that will say this but you have legal guardian ship to they’re 18, although in most places at 16 they can choose to move out. Id have a heart to heart with him if your intentions weren’t to hurt him. Maybe send him a letter or package…
I was with you on the concerned parent vibe until you said you called the cops over a d-pic. You know damn well he’s not being groomed at this point. You made a lifetime movie all on your own. Sounds like you have a tendency to overreact and seeing him growing up has made you very controlling. Seek help if you truly want to repair your family. He’s still young and may forgive you but you better spring into action yesterday.
Gosh I feel sorry for this teenager. Teenagers need a safe space to be themselves 
I’m sorry what made you take it to the police???
You obviously don’t know about puberty and the curious side to ALL teenagers. Even if he was taking pictures. It’s his body & his machine in his personal space.
Why wouldn’t you check the machine before giving it to your youngest son knowing you had these “feelings” ?
So many questions 
Hes using the gay thing as a reason to get what he wants. (I am gay)
The real issue is you wont let him stay up all night or send nudes so hes having a tantrum.
Yeah… I get why he doesn’t wanna be around you. While taking dick pics is wrong it’s actually pretty normal especially for his age. You sound unprepared for a teen.
Youre trying to get him in trouble with the police??? I hope he never comes back
you did the right thing by shutting off the internet so you could sleep. You did the right thing to be concerned he was being groomed. you didn’t force him to come out, so you did nothing wrong there. You were right to turn over the DS to the police, if he committed a crime, it’s on him. And if he didn’t, you still did the right thing, finding out if he’s being groomed by another adult. YOU are the parent. Sounds like he’s butthurt that HE came out, and now doesn’t want to pay the price for the other things he did. He will either get over it, or he won’t. I’m kind of perplexed that he’s in college—I would say let him be, leave the light on and the door open, if he wants to stay butthurt, let him. PS: unless he’s emancipated, you can make him come home, if you wish to involve the authorities. NVM some of these comments, most of the people commenting are too close to puberty themselves to have any idea what to do in a situation like this.
You are doing way too much snooping, mind your business! I would not want to live with you either. Sounds dreadful!
I’d have moved out too. You’re awful.
I hear your concern. It isnt healthy or right to stay up all night.
The progression is extreme. But he needs to not have access to the web until it’s figured out who he is speaking to. If he wants to be grown and make grown decisions…he can act like an adult about it too.
I second every comment on here!!! Your just ridiculous, and this is why children kill them selves because of parents like you…
Sounds like it was definitely handled incorrectly…. His sexuality is a big deal and probably not something he felt comfortable talking to you about yet because he wanted your support and probably an honest conversation… EVENTUALLY. I bet that was hard for him. It’s not an easy topic. I understand him needing to be in bed at a certain hour for school and being underage, but none of what you did was the way to go about it unfortunately. You should’ve set healthy boundaries and just had him give his phone up at a certain time every night and have a plan. The whole thing just sounded way more complicated than it should’ve been.
I was with you until the police part… Kids shouldn’t get to switch houses just because they don’t want to follow rules.
Parents shouldn’t be trying to get their children in trouble with police.
Wow. I’d leave too. Turning the Internet off to make sure he’s getting enough sleep and so the rest of the house isn’t disturbed - fine. Harassing him to know who he’s talking to - no. He’s 16. That’s the legal age of consent. He is capable legally to make these decisions. His brother has violated his privacy by playing on/with his DS as well, where were you then??
Find me a 16 year old boy who ISN’T sexting!!
You don’t love him for who he is. You’ve shamed him, embarrassed him and now involving police and making his life a living hell!! If you think he moved out over the Internet, or being asked if he’s gay - you are blind and you are definitely the problem.
I am sorry I get being respectful for others trying to sleep but that is about the only thing I agree with on this post. Teens keep odd hours. I have 3 boys (19, 18 and 16) and I can not tell you how many times I have had to say something because others are sleeping and they stay up. My 16 year old does not get much leeway staying up late though. As a parent I get being concerned but going to the police because he took pictures and assuming he is being groomed is another thing. Why do you feel he was being groomed? I would not do this to my boys.
Give him some space to cool off and hopefully he will come to you when he is ready.
Wow… your mental… i dont blame him, you took that to the police… your sick and he needs a good home away from you
You pushed him AWAY…that Police thing crossed all barriers…
You sound like my mom. I haven’t talked to her in years…. He is 16 and exploring. Leave him alone if he is not hurting himself or anyone else, leave him alone. You two will probably need counseling together to be honest. Unless you are like my mother and you do no wrong…. Then good luck.
What did you expect his response to be when you gave his private pics to the police? Of course he’s going to be angry with you. He’s 16, not 5. Yes, he needs to respect house rules, but you need to show him some respect as well.
You do know that your son will be charged as well if he was sending and receiving photos? It’s not just going to be whomever he sent them to. I can assure you, your 13 year old is not “traumatized” by a penis picture. It also sounds as though you badgered him into coming out instead of letting him come to you in his own time. If he is going to college at 16, he is clearly not struggling in school regardless of how little sleep he might have been getting some nights. Honestly, you sound controlling and manipulative and now that he is removing himself from a toxic situation, you are playing the victim. I strongly suggest you do some soul searching, give him some space, and get yourself counseling.
… he’s 16. He shouldn’t be sending nudes to anyone. Why is a 16yo in college ? I was in grade 11 at 16 lol. He would’ve come out when he was ready. My parents never asked and never demanded to know who I was dating. When I brought my gf home I told my dad but not my mom. Years later I found out they didn’t approve of me dating women anyways, but that’s not the point.
You tried to control every little thing he did. I would’ve turned off the wifi at 11pm and said people are sleeping. That’s about it. Taking his nekkid pics to the cops is just another way for you to know and control more of his personal life. I wouldve left too…
He is probably upset you don’t trust him … plus extremely humiliated… I would be … 16 is usually the age teens get curious . Lol I know I was one . I didnt want my parents in my space and if I had to be sneaky is was over stuff like that .
I’m so sorry your going through this. What erks me about this is… why won’t his grandparents let u see your own son?? That’s insane to me!! He is a 16 year old boy throwing a tantrum about not getting his way which is getting the internet, to stay up all night and talk to who ever he wants. And I would be concerned about him being groomed too. He is probably mad because the police will find something. U are doing the right thing. Just keep loving him and looking out for him. He might hate you right now but later on in life he will understand you were doing your job which is loving him, looking out for him and most of all accepting him for who he is. I have 3 teenagers and they all throw a fit if they don’t get their way especially when it comes to phones and the internet. I know I’d be getting him out of his grandparents house though. They have no right to not let u see ur own son that would never fly with me. He wants to stay there cause he probably can do whatever he wants. Get the police and get your son back home.
unless his school work was suffering you should have left him alone
He doesn’t need to wear a sign that says, he’s GAY. He owes No one a explanation on his sexual preference…
Why do I feel like if this post said 16-year-old girl all y’all would have different reactions to it ain’t nothing wrong with a parent being worried about if her child is talking to a grown person whether it be a girl or a boy a mother can still worry that her children are talking to people their age or not
Oh my lord- really that’s so wrong- he is almost 18 and you treated him like a small child- what do you think would happen when you demand the internet is off you really think I was going open up to you - he’s better off without you and his dad in his life - you got what you wanted - go to sleep
These comments are ridiculous!
You took it to the cops? Smh.
Yeah… you’ve lost your son!
And your youngest is traumatized by you . Not what he found lol .
Why would you take it to the police? Do you really think he is being groomed or your just being bitter. If they where pictures of his own thing and not someone else there was no reason to take to police. You did this to yourself and I would have moved out too. If he is 16 and in college than he is a smart boy. You should not have pushed so much and I don’t think turning the internet off was for his best interest I think it was yours. Why can’t you go to grand parents house?? It seems like you are the problem.
I’d have a talk with the grandparents if possible and listen to what they say. Get therapy to deal and maybe get an outside perspective on what’s happening.
How on earth did older bro take pick of younger bro’s junk without his permission or knowing?
It was wrong of you to turn him in to police. You didn’t trust or believe your own son, so in your anger you brought law enforcement into his and your younger son’s personal lives? I wouldn’t speak to you either for that one. Ask around and see what others say about why older bro had it with you and just listen. Sounds like you and dad may have a toxic environment if he wants nothing to do with either of you. Check yourself and don’t drive out your younger son; add family therapy to your individual therapy. What are you pretending not to see?
He’s humiliated. Stop with the overbearing Karen crap.
I probably wouldn’t want to come back either. I understand the concern and wanting to do what you can to protect him, but there are limits. You went to the police because of pictures he took of himself, just hope he doesn’t end up in trouble over them.
I’m pretty sure involving the police isn’t going to help.
Sounds like you’re doing your job. Not many 16 yr olds dig their mothers.
He took a picture of what? Im confused
Oh wow… what a mess. What is done is done. Sounds a bit damaging… 
kids rebell and do things without parents knowing. We all have. Now pic’s is another issue. You’ll need counseling. Back off and hopefully nothing comes from the police.
My mom found pictures I had taken on myself and I was beyond grounded…I threatened to get emancipated and everything.
In the long run her and I are bestfriends now, I didn’t see it then but as I got older and understood the risks and why she reacted the way she did, I was thankful.
I hope your son comes back to you after he realizes the dangers and repercussions of his actions. I hope nothing bad happens to him in the mean time of his defiance.
My mom took my phone, laptop, camera, ipod…everything away. It was for my own good.
She threatened to take it to the police, I’m not sure if she ever did or not. But good for you momma! That’s not something to take lightly!
You’re in the wrong, but not entirely. We’ve cut off wifi at nights when our 16yr old doesn’t go to bed properly as he does have school and academic requirements to reach. That’s understandable. What isn’t is you hounding him to the point of outing himself before he was ready. You forced him to reveal a very intimate part of himself under duress and he’s well within his rights to be resentful that he didn’t get to do that on his own terms. You took away what should have been a safe space so he found an actual safe space. You then continued to violate his privacy even when he’s not in your care, AND involve the police? That means countless embarrassing moments for him, interviews, all of his personal thoughts being absolutely exposed.
Yeeeaa that whole bringing his stuff to the police is where u crossed to far into it … first of being gay and hiding from his mother already hard . Maybe he just needs his space and will come around . But yu did take it too far … just cus hes gay doesnt mean hes being groomed& police involved makes no sense at all … ALL 16 yr old boyss take pictures of their area… they weird between 12-18
These comments are gross
Sounds like he is working on getting himself together and become a productive young man , 16 and in college … outstanding… Let him grow, if you give him space, he may want to one day speak to you.
He’ll come back. Give it time, just keep reminding him you love him and is welxome home anytime. This too shall pass. Tell him you were worried about him and didn’t mean for it to get out of hand. Us parents are somewhat new to all this technology at our kids hands. We don’t know your whole situation, or what kind life was before this. I don’t judge you like others on here. Some people on here are just ah. Hang in there, best of luck. One day your son will understand your actions and why you did them.
Why would you risk him getting In police trouble over photos your younger son only got from snooping & you have no proof we’re sent to anyone ? Seems like you want to use that to control him rather than to do what’s best for him
I agree with the poor kid. 
You’ve embarrassed him during a critical time of coming into himself.
Even you try getting him stay there with the authorities- do you really think his going stay no he will run just to get away from you and then what happens when he does turn 18 then he is still not going speak or see you
So his grandfather wouldn’t have that going on in his home. Sounds like a good man
Honestly, being underage you could FORCE him back home by having police bring him back (which would only cause more tension) or leave him be. He’ll be 18 in 2 years and is in the home of grandparents so has a place to stay. Honestly, not much you could do. Ask him to go to counseling maybe but other than that… you’re in a tight spot.
I think if you want your son back you need to take a step back and let him be. You’re only pushing him further away with everything you’re doing.
I’d also suggest you take a step back and reflect on the true reasoning behind your actions, as others have said this sounds far from concern, more of a need for control which is getting further and further away from you making you act more out of turn.
Teenagers who are in online relationships send nudes to each other. If you’re worried the person he is in a relationship with isn’t a teenage boy, you should’ve raised that concern with your son and allowed him to open up to you.
I don’t think there’s anything you can do, you’ve already done too much.
Come on mama you did the right thing. This situation is sticky and I love that you took the DS to the police. I’m very saddened to read all these comments… shame on this world! I will be praying for you. After all the boy is still 16, you have the right to have him under your roof.
You’re all being wrong towards this mother! She has every right to have respect in her house! Also she didn’t force him to say he was gay, she asked a simple question and he told her. As for her being worried about her son being groomed? Of course she can worry. Until YOU ALL go through someone grooming and molesting your teenager, you have no damn right to attack her! Good for you Mother! If he wants to throw a tissue fit, then let him throw it. As soon as grand dad finds out he is " Gay" ( which I seriously doubt he is) then grandad will throw his ass out, and he will be back! Typical teenage boy bs that they go through at this stage. Hopefully he isn’t showing his punishment to an underage girl or guy, because he will have another set of problems that this mother will be facing in legal battles.
Stop Posting your business Your Son Wouldn’t like it its going to make him not come back or not openly talk to you it’s private support for that maybe family counseling will be better 
Y’all are nothing but bullies in these comments 
You forced your son to do something he was not comfortable with and now you’ve turned it over to the police because you can’t accept the answer your son gave you but yet you expect your son to accept the answers you give him I would disown you as my mother to.
I understand the not staying up super late thing… but girl, the utter lack of boundaries? (yes you need to know who his friends are but his convos should be private) The POLICE??? You lost me there. I don’t blame him whatsoever for not wanting to live under your roof at this point. I wouldn’t feel like I was safe to be/express myself whatsoever with you around. To me it sounds like you’re throwing a fit and trying to bully him over not coming home. Leave him be and hope he forgives you.
Well damn… some good and some bad mixed together. I do believe it is fair to say that the internet goes off at a certain time. Since he doesn’t want to be responsible and get off of it at a decent time. Seems he is responsible enough to take pictures of his p***s so he should be responsible enough to be respectful. However I am not sure about taking the DS to the police. 1st he is only 16. Did you teach him that he shouldn’t do that? Did he know it was wrong when he did it? Have you talked with him about good touch bad touch ever? Like so many questions. Also kids deserve privacy to. Why would you give your other son his property because he left there? Sounds spiteful to me. As if to say oh you don’t wanna come back then I’ll just give your stuff away. If he was coming back before he most definitely isn’t now. Just saying. God bless and I pray it works out.
The fact that you asked him SPECIFICALLY if he was gay, let’s me know you hounded him and he HAD to say it. Cuz like, did you already KNOW he was gay??? And he’s in college now so I’m certain he’s talking to older guys too but I meannnn… idk
You need to do the one thing you havent done yet and respect him to come around on his own terms
What the hell! Why would you go to the police. I would dis own you aswell. How embarrassing! He is a teenager. Sounds like you watch him like a hawk. I get that to a point but he must be humiliated knowing you saw his p***s and now the cops have those photos.
I was a run away at 16 and talking to everyone and everybody about it my family made me stay away
It sounds to me like he has more freedom at his grandparents house than he does at yours, and that’s why he made the choice he did. By turning the internet off, you’re taking away his freedom to interact with someone he cares about, someone who gives him support, and someone he can confide it. It’s your job as a parent to guide your children, not to control them. As for the dick pic, I’m sorry but this is pretty normal behaviour and your younger son is going to be fine. You broke your older sons trust by going to the police and I do believe he has every right to be angry with you. You betrayed his trust. It’s one thing to be concerned about child predators, but you should be discussing it with your son and stating your concern. I think you handled the situation very poorly.
I understand talking to your son about being respectful and not being noisy when other people are trying to sleep, but I do sympathize with him.
I’m thankful that teenagers are standing up for themselfs
I feel so bad and sorry for your 16 year old… .
You are millions times wrong…
Whatever happened to talking or family therapy??
Wow…then you filed a police report on your 16 year old child.
Let that sit with you.
You have done him wrong with everything that you have done. Let him be if he wants you in his life then he will be there. But you need to stop pushing the issues. Let him be. Why oh why would you get the police involved in this kinds of matter. Feel bad for you but you brought all this onto yourself sorry.