My daughter is five years old and in a 5-year-old full-day kindergarten. Lately, she’s been having accidents in class. In the last few days, she’s come home soaked. She doesn’t have this problem anywhere else (home, dance class, gym daycare, etc.). When I ask what happened, she says that the teacher won’t let her go to the bathroom. Her teacher assured me that they are allowed to go anytime they ask, but it seems she is afraid to ask because she thinks she’ll get in trouble. Has anyone experienced this and/or have advice? I want to have another conversation with her teacher, but I’m not sure how much I can expect her to do with a class of 20+ kids.
17 Likes
Have a talk with the teacher and your kid at the same time . That way the teacher can help the kid understand that going to the bathroom is fine. My son wouldn’t go because he was scarred to get lost if he went by him self.
2 Likes
Can the teacher remind your daughter to go every few hours? I don’t think that would be too much to ask of a kindergarten teacher (coming from a middle school teacher/mom of a pre-k kiddo who in in an all day elementary school program)
2 Likes
My daughter is 5 never has accidents I’ve gotten called once before because she ended up peeing on herself I asked her what happened and she said she asked her teacher if she can go to the bathroom and the teacher said no because it was in the middle of a lesson and my daughter couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was livid. Let the kid pee for gods sake they know 5 year olds can’t hold it in for long.
1 Like
She’s coming home soaked? They don’t change her or is it happening on the bus?
2 Likes
Maybe your daughter would be more comfortable with a special hand gesture between her teacher and herself rather then feeling like she’s interrupting or will get in trouble? My daughters kindergarten teacher had hand gestures she would do with the kids, they loved it and never had any issues or accidents in class
2 Likes
I was like this as a kid!! My logic was I didn’t want the kids to know I was going to the bath room! We used a code words after talking with the teacher and it never happened. Maybe it’s just stage fright?
1 Like
Have her sugars checked my nephew kept doing that at 5 then one morning they couldn’t wake him he was going in a diabetic coma
1 Like
First you have to find out if she’s just afraid of asking. If that’s the case, then have a talk with the teacher about an alternate method to her asking to go.
I know some people have had success with using a potty watch.
Potty Training Watch Toddler Reminder Watch for Boys & Girls - 2020 Version,Water Resistant,Rechargeable,Smart Sensor https://www.amazon.com/dp/B082PQJGX7/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_duLnEbW81TSQ6
I’m an aide at a school and primarily work in a K-2 classroom. We have the kids hold up 1 finger for the bathroom and 3 fingers for water. I second the idea of hand gestures. Also, if my coworkers and I have been noticing an increase in accidents of any student, we ensure to remind the student multiple times per day and especially before or after a bus ride. Just make sure to pack a full spare set of clothes for her in the meantime! 
1 Like
I’ve always told my children if they need to go just go and if their teacher has an issue with it they can deal with me later
3 Likes
Maybe pick times when they get up for other things and she could no then even if she does not have to yet - preemptive peeing. Her body will adjust and she will always go at the same time. First example she could go just before going into class, recess, snack or lunch, when they head to music or art.
The teacher should probably encourage her to use the washroom at points during the day. Regardless of whether or not she has 20 children, your child needs to be given opportunities to go to the washroom instead of having to ask for them
2 Likes
Ask the teacher to pair her up with another female student if it’s bathroom that has more then one toilet. She may be afraid to go alone. If that still doesn’t help then I’d take her to pediatrician because there may be an issue that needs to be looked into.
1 Like
My daughter did same thing in pre k I mean even telling me that her teacher wouldn’t let her go. So I called and talked with her and we came up with a plan that every hour she would send her to the potty to go pee and it worked and eventually my little girl started telling her she didn’t need to go and started going only when she needed to and realized she wasn’t going to get into trouble for asking to go potty and you could send extra clothes and panties as well to keep her from being soaking wet if no she does have an accident that’s what I did socks and shoes as well
1 Like
Is there a bathroom in her classroom or is it a public school bathroom that is shared with every grade in her school?
The reason I am asking is because when I was five (21 years ago) I vividly remember having accidents in my classroom because i was scared to go to the public shared bathroom in fear of running into the “big kids” and getting picked on. My mom spoke with my teacher and I was allowed to bring a friend with me on bathroom breaks and that solved the problem. Just a thought- might be something similar? 
2 Likes
Did someone yell at her making her afraid to ask? Something happen in the bathroom? Maybe the teacher yelled one time on a super crazy day and didnt really mean to and she could tell your daughter that and say sorry if so. Just gotta try and talk to her she could be embarrassed to tell you🤷♀️
3 Likes
Pack extra pants and undies for her to keep in her cubby for days like those
Go have a meeting with the teacher and principal with you and your daughter. So the teacher can reassure her that it’s okay to ask to go to the bathroom. And so that teacher knows you aren’t playing any games with her. My kids had teachers tell them this in middle school .And I had a nice talk with them and let them know that my child will go to the bathroom whenever they need to go or handle theirs women stuff.
Go to the school and sit in if you can. Try to arrange a scheduled bathroom break and see if you can help her build a better relationship with the teacher. The issue is probably socially involved with her not connecting well to the teacher.
1 Like
My daughters teachers weren’t letting her go when she needed and would come home both sets clothes soaked. We went and got a doctors note and i went and raised hell with the school board to force them to take her to potty every so often then she never came home with wet bottoms anymore.
1 Like
I’m a first grade teacher in a k-8 school. It’s part of our culture to teach students sign language for bathroom and water needs. It’s a quiet, subtle way to ask without being embarrassed or scared. I wonder if you can set up a special accommodation with the teacher to where you teach your child the bathroom sign (just your index and middle fingers crossed 
) so she can ask without using words or being center of attention for the rest of the kids.
4 Likes
I was this kid at this age. I was just too shy to ever ever ask to go. Maybe talk to the teacher about her being allowed to just get up and go without asking. That might be too much though if she might want or be stared at getting up. Maybe she can “sneak” off when the class changes to a new activity.
1 Like
First of all! Why are they letting her stay in her clothes that she peed in?! THEY DONT CARE! I would be livid. Second I have always believed my kids when that has happened and the teacher definitely got the message!
2 Likes
The teacher should be regularly taking her to the bathroom then. had a small bladder and they were required let me to go to the bathroom once every 2 hours.
1 Like
I had to get a Dr note because of my son’s gi issues to allow him more time to poop
1 Like
20+ kids there should be more than one adult in the room by law
Is it a daycare or a school? Even in a school its required to have 2 adults for a class size that large under 1st grade
Something dont seem right and Id be investigating it much further
Ask the teacher to regularly ask her if she would like to be taken to the toilet
My daughter did this beginning of school year. I talked to teacher and we decided to send her with 3 changes of clothes, she would remind my daughter every few hours, and lastly I went to class with her before school. Realize it was the noise of the toilet that she was uneasy about. So we made it fun go to bathroom wash your hands and flush and run.
1 Like
It sounds like she’s afraid of missing out if she leaves class. Does the teacher have restroom breaks through the day? She should be taking them every 2-3 hrs. Talk to your daughter about “trying” to go during those breaks even if she doesn’t feel like going. If the teacher gives breaks & she’s using them she’s less likely to need to use the bathroom during class.
1 Like
I’d ask if there’s anything else going on. Then I’d speak to the teacher and ask if she’s noticed anything else…more than age appropriate day dreaming/fidgeting ect.
We had that problem with my son. He has severe ADHD and was ignoring his body because he was so distracted.
But it started again when he started school, part of it was to get out of class away from his teacher (she was terrible)
1 Like
My son was having this problem he’s 6 now it is because they are having so much fun. Well that’s what it was with my son he didn’t want to stop what he was doing and get up to use the bathroom holding it as long as he could and then wet himself that’s all it was maybe it’s the same thing? We bought him a watch with timers and we talked to the teacher about what would be appropriate times to use the restroom at any time is watch went off he had to go use the bathroom and help to retrain him and he’s been good since
There are usually two teachers in class. An assistant as well as the teacher her/himself. Sometimes kids get confused when the teacher says to not raise their hands unless it’s about the lesson they are working on. One of my child’s teachers told me kids would raise their hands just to talk and it takes time when 20+ kids want to do the same. The teacher actually should be doing potty breaks throughout the day. I’d talk to the teacher again. See if y’all can make a plan to get her to the bathroom ASAP. If she gives excuses or won’t help go to the principal and ask her/him.
Ask her if she ask does she loose any thing like my daughter didn’t ask if she did she couldn’t go in the Treasure box at the end of the week so she would wet her pants
I will tell you that teachers do NOT let the students use the bathroom when they need to. They have a limit per day.
2 Likes
Yeah where my child goes they have certain times they can go. Maybe talk to the teacher and see if she can ask her during down time if she needs to go potty. Or maybe talk to your child and see what’s going on because my daughter get really shy sometimes and wont ask
1 Like
Encourage her to go every day at recess and lunch
The teacher or the assistant/aid should discreetly take her or ask her if she would like to use the restroom throughout the day. Once she realizes it’s ok, she may ask herself
3 Likes
I am a kindergarten teacher and do not have a limit. If they have to go they have to go. Possibly ask the teacher to excuse your daughter a couple of times a day so then it isnt your daughter asking and then she will eventually feel comfortable because the teacher has allowed her to go before. Either that or this year I started hand signals for bathroom and drinks and it eliminates any “disruption” for both parties because I can just shake my head yes and they go.
6 Likes
My daughter will be starting kindergarten next year so ive been thinking about this stuff rn she is in preschool and they have a routine (clearly they can ask to go when needed)
Discuss with the teacher and your daughter on working on a routine during free time such as as soon as she gets to school, right before recess/during recess, after done eating lunch, during free time if they have it
1 Like
Poor baby doll, I was a little girl like that.
Have you possibly had her checked? I know infections could happen and maybe she don’t feel she has to go?
1 Like
Speak to the teacher, as an educator I can tell you that we can’t refuse to allow a student to use the bathroom.
1 Like
Maybe they need to work in 1 more break but why is she coming home wet? Is she not allowed to change
1 Like
My son was the same way. Once I talked with the teacher she started letting my son go a few extra times. You can try to get a dr note saying the child needs extra bathroom breaks my kids dr has always been nice about things like that because if it’s a dr note they have to go by it.
When I was in kindergarten (a really long time ago!) we would raise our hand with two fingers, this would let our teacher know silently that we had to go to the bathroom and she would just nod her head. See if this is possible for your daughter.
3 Likes
Maybe they shouldn’t limit bathroom breaks, or assure kids that they won’t get in trouble by asking to use the restroom during class.
Does not hurt to have her checked. If the teachers are ensuring they allow her to go and such and it’s solely just her being scared to ask. Maybe the teacher should be allowing her to get up and be excused at any given time no questions asked. Some schools don’t have scheduled bathrooms breaks and she might be distracted on recesses by playing, eating, friends etc
Stay with her a day and see whats going on
My son had this problem and I had a meeting with his teacher. I felt bombarded because no one informed me the principle and the Councelor was going to be present as well! He didn’t have that problem at home really other sometimes he gets super into something and holds it until he can’t anymore but other than that no accidents. I relaid to them all when he needs to go to the bathroom don’t make him wait let him go. I also said what’s going on here for that to be happening because it doesn’t at home! After that discussion he hasn’t had any more of these accidents!!!
Send extra clothes and notify the teacher of this they usually will make an exception. My guy had one accident in the beginning of the year. It’s a long day and a big adjustment for their age.
Is there a bathroom pass?? And maybe it’s not back whn she asks … I know we use have a pass … I asked one time and was told whn it comes back yes … Umm yea tht took to long … I was in 3rd grade … My teacher felt awful … I NEVER needed a pass again if I asked he said yes quickly … Maybe before taking her to doctor sit down with principal and teacher and see if u all cnt figure it out together
2 Likes
My daughter has done the same this year. We’re send a change of clothes in her bag. What I figured out was happening was she had to go #2, but was afraid to at school so she held it in. By doing so, she wouldn’t pee and ultimately peed her pants.
My son was the same i discussed with his teacher and she had a talk with her class and let them know that they absolutely will NOT get into trouble no matter what for asking or needing to use the restroom. After that no more accidents
If your gut says fear, that’s probably it. Not blaming teacher at all. Maybe she’s shy about it in front of her classmates. Discuss with the teacher and encourage her to set a routine for herself. Even if you make it about frequently washing her hands so she doesn’t catch a cold. Then she won’t be embarrassed and she’ll go while she’s in there. Good luck Mama. This can be nerve racking.
yes I went through this with my daughter. My daughter was scared to go ask to go to the bathroom. So I talked to her teacher and she just started asking my daughter in whisper if she needed to go to the bathroom couple times a day. She than got comfortable and started asking to go when she needed to. Just keep on asking her why she won’t go and help her and the teacher will remind her through the day.
1 Like
Ask the teacher to just send her after ever block to go try. Be proactive
In first grade I had a friend who used to pee herself in class and kids picked on her for it. So I asked my teacher if I could ask for us both to go to the restroom twice a day so my friend wouldn’t have to ask for herself. My teacher smiled and told me that was a great idea. It never dawned on her my friend was just shy and didnt like it when everyone stared at her. So she just held it till her little body couldn’t. So everyday I’d asked, we’d go together and come back. No one noticed really and kids just called us teacher pets cuz they thought we were just getting special privileges which I didn’t care lol. I just knew my friend didn’t leave school crying no more
I had this problem.
I went to doctors and all kinds of crap.
Turns out that much like other kids, I didnt feel like I wanted to stop playing to pee, hence accidents.
My daughter went through the same thing. As far as I’m concerned this is a phase.
Unless of course they’re just not letting her go to the washroom, but I doubt that.
Ask the teacher to ask her if she would like to go to the bathroom during the day
I was super shy. Would she be more comfortable telling a friend and have the friend tell the teacher? Then maybe they could go together as buddies?
When my daughter was in kindergarten she liked to hold it or not say she needed to go (she didnt like to miss out on anything)so her teacher started a potty watch…she would set an alarm to send her even if she didnt ask.
As a teacher and parent it works best if you get your dr ti write a note that she should be allowed to go when necessary. Then talk to the school about nit needing a pass ir permission. She quietly leaves when necessary. Much less pressure kn her and not disruptive
My daughter has this issue once in a while normally after coming in from resess and go straight to lunch and wont make it to bathroom in time by time they go to bathroom at 12 noon but she doesnt do it all time think has do when they come in from out of the cold and she just turned 6 jan but i make sure i have her extra pair clothing every school day in her backpack
I work volunteering in school and her teacher say they can just get up and go when need to since they have bathroom class room
She might be nervous to ask, with that many children in the room. I know a few of my family members who have nervous children, and have a hard time speaking up in front of others
3 Likes
Maybe ask the teacher to remind her every so often if she needs to go and definitely send an extra outfit or two for when she does have accidents. Can’t imagine her having to sit and stay in urine soaked clothes all day at school.
5 Likes
I think you should sit both the teacher and your daughter down, explain to her that it’s ok to ask to go to the toilet and the teacher won’t be mad. In kindy the teachers know most kids have only just learnt how to go to the toilet, and will encourage them by taking them straight away.
6 Likes
My grandson went through this in kindergarten…
His explanation was this…
Teacher said we couldn’t talk so I was afraid to ask…
3 Likes
My son went through this, He was scared to ask to go, I finally had a talk with his teacher and explained to her he was afraid to interrupt class since they would get into trouble for doing so. After our talk, the accidents stopped.
1 Like
Maybe make her a bathroom cards. So if she has to potty and can quietly hand the card to her teacher instead of letting the whole class know she has to go.
7 Likes
I would definitely have a conversation with the teacher . This happen to me as a kid and in fact the teacher would say no often !! My daughters are twins and this happened in there class . Teacher claims she allows the bathroom when in fact she says no questions or interrupts right now … so it’s challenging maybe see if there is another method where she can just walk up to her desk or something to help your daughter .
She may have anxiety and not want to ask in front of everyone for some reason. I was like that as a kid.
1 Like
I would bring it up to the teacher saying that this is becoming a constant problem. Also is there a reason that she doesn’t like the bathroom provided? Also the difference between home,dance, and daycare is they aren’t 6+ hours a day. I would request a meeting with the principal the teacher and maybe a guidance counselor. Also she may not be ready for full day. Not every child is just because their birthday falls within the time frame. So I would start asking her about the school bathroom what she does when she needs to go use it and pry a little to see if it’s something the school isn’t allowing or if it’s her choices, or if something has happened.
1 Like
My son had this same problem and at first he was afraid to ask. I talked to the teacher and she said part of the issue is one has to go, then all the others have to go at the same time and it sometimes is to long of a wait for them. They have a bathroom in the classroom and it’s a single so only one can go at a time
Its the teacher. Kids are scared to ask questions usually because they are given a reason to be scared. Like getting yelled at, a note sent home, time out, a red face ect.
2 Likes
If I were you, I’d make an appt with the teacher after school, for you & your daughter, and have s very non threatening conversation of assurance re asking to go to toilet…Just a wee thought, your little one may be shy, and maybe the teacher is unaware of this…
1 Like
I have seen it with my own eyes. Sometimes teachers aren’t clear about things, like in an above comment, they say no talking so your child feels like if she talks to ask then she may get in trouble and I’ve seen some teachers come off as mean when a child asks to go to the bathroom when they aren’t trying to. My son got in trouble because he didn’t have to go when they took a bathroom break but about an hour later he asked to go and he had to pull a green card and the teacher didn’t tell me the entire truth about it and I found out through the helper what happened
I would go above the teacher…talk to the guidance counselor and or principal…there may be another reason…
1 Like
there could be something at school that she is concerned about and it is making her anxious or afraid.
I was like this as a child. My social anxiety was so high, I was afraid to ask to use the restroom. When I was asked why I had an accident I would always just say “I don’t know” because as a child I really didn’t know and felt foolish for not asking. Please be kind and patient. Tiny humans have tiny battles they are fighting too! I suggest counseling.
4 Likes
Def talk to the teacher. Our school has a only going on breaks because of kids taking advantage.
My son had a bowel issue and once he got the urge he had to go now! I spoke with her and she was great, he just had to give her a hand signal or if she wasn’t in sight or busy with another student he was able to just go without fear of getting in trouble.
1 Like
They shouldn’t let him drive in class!
Ok but your daughter said the teacher says no. Believe her! I’m in the education field. I understand that kids canhave high anxiety. Especially in kindergarten. However, I’ve also been that child at school with wet clothes because my teacher said no. Wouldn’t hear a thing I had to say. Too many other kids asking to go. I back our teachers. They’ve got it rough. I do not take their word over the word of my children. I’ve been on both sides. Not every teacher will fib. They are out there. Send an extra outfit and have another chat with the teacher.
1 Like
I’ve also seen a situation where one problem student got a stern warning after repeated offences. And a much more shy child became afraid of “getting in trouble”.
See if the clinic has a public health nurse and tell her about what’s been happening. My daughters teachers would deny her restroom breaks because she would go frequently (so she wouldn’t have an accident but since they said no she would have them every day) so the public health nurse actually put it in her file that she couldn’t be denied restroom breaks.
2 Likes
I highly doubt your daughter is wetting herself if “they’re allowed to go whenever” it’s way more embarrassing to have an accident than it is to ask to go to the bathroom. I would talk to your daughter and believe her when she says she’s not allowed to go and take it to the principle.
5 Likes
Well-maybe she has to go. Also.screen for type 1 diabetes
1 Like
You should have a teacher conference with your child and discuss it so everyone has the same information. Then reassure your child that she can go at anytime no matter what.
Mine did to do I would go every time, so I packed a bag for school, clothes underwear socks shoes, everything he needs, it never happened again, give to teacher, she misses you, good luck mama
My 11 yr old is special needs, she was having accidents in class as well. I was upset because apparently the teacher wouldnt let her go to the bathroom when she needed to. I even had her in diapers, she also had started her period when she was 9. She would come home with blood on her pants soaked through. I had finally had enough. I went down to her school and demanded to speak to the nurse and the principal and to her teacher. I told them if my daughter raises her hand and has to go to the bathroom then they need to let her go immediately because she cant hold it like most kids her age can, she has an overactive bladder and its weak. I told my daughter if the teacher wont let her go, then she has my permission to walk out and go anyway and I wouldnt be mad. After all that, I have nomore problems! So I believe you need to go there and do the same as I have. Because its an embarrassing moment for a child to go through that and when they do, they get bullied as well. Plus let your daughter know she wont get in trouble for raising her hand if she has to go. But some teachers try to ignore a raised hand. Or say no. So stand up to that school. It will work.
2 Likes
Talk to the teacher about making sure after lunch that she goes to the restroom ALONE! when I say “alone” it’ll give her a small break of being away from everyone and everything that’s going on around her.
I would set up a meeting with the teacher and have my child present and make sure to reiterate in front of the child that she can go to the bathroom when she needs to. This will allow her to see that the teacher agrees with her going to the bathroom when needed without fear of getting in trouble.
2 Likes
The teacher should be open to making it easier to ask.like hand signals.they get this situation a lot.
1 Like
mu daughtwr had this issue. Her teacher takes all the children to wash their hands at start of recess and lunch before they eat. anyone can use the toilet, and my daughter is asked to go every time. they now don’t need to ask, and she is in a great routine
My daughter is 5 never has accidents I’ve gotten called once before because she ended up peeing on herself I asked her what happened and she said she asked her teacher if she can go to the bathroom and the teacher said no because it was in the middle of a lesson and my daughter couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was livid. Let the kid pee for gods sake they know 5 year olds can’t hold it in for long.
1 Like
More to the point why are they letting her stay in urine soaked clothing, how uncomfortable for your poor child ! Perhaps the teacher needs to ask her every few hours if she needs to use the toilet
2 Likes
If your daughter told you the teacher said no, then please believe your child. And why on Earth is no one either calling you for a change of clothes or finding her something dry and clean at school to change into? I would call a meeting with the principal and teacher together and get to the bottom of it. 20 kids or not, your child should not be ignored nor neglected.
3 Likes
I have had horrid problems with hamilton city schools letting my children use the bathroom:confused:
