my 5 year old will constantly tell me she doesnt love me and idk where i went wrong with her…i will remind her i love her daily and she says " i dont love you" i am heartbroken over this and i feel like maybe she is learning this at her dads…what do i do
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Don’t take it personal. I just remind my own daughter that when we’re frustrated we have to explain why, and not say mean things.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My 5-year-old tells me she doesn't love me: Advice?
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She says it cause she knows it’d hurts you!
Reply that’s ok, your not required to love anyone and you don’t have to love me. And I’m ok with that but I love you.
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My 2 yr old says it to me all the time lol you are taking it too personally. She probably is saying it to tease or because she is mad. I don’t think I know a kid that hasn’t said this. It’s a phase. Wait til she screams I hate you 
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You say “Well that doesn’t change the fact that I love you, always.”
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My kid did this for literally months, don’t react and just say “okay well that’s alright I still love you” she’s only saying that because she feels safe enough to say that to you, so you’re doing a good job. Kids sometimes say things for reaction or just to be bold, when my son realized I wasn’t reacting anymore he finally stopped. Now he’s back to saying how much he loves me and giving me hugs and cuddles 
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My 4 year old was mad early this summer and told me he wanted a new mommy. Lol!! I’m 47, he said he wanted a 22 year old mommy. (We were at our place at the lake when he said this)
I said that’s fine but your 22 year old mommy won’t have a place at the lake or a boat. 
He’s never said this again!
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My 3 year old started saying this to me when she doesn’t get what she wants. It hurts my feelings but I know she doesn’t mean it.
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She’s obviously angry at you over something, probably not just one thing. Maybe she blames you for the divorce. I would definitely look into some counseling
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Many kids go through that stage. Unless there is other concerning behavior, I wouldn’t run to counseling. I ignore my kids when they say it as I know they don’t mean it.
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Ask her. Ask her why she says that. Explain to her that it hurts your feelings when she says those things because you love her so much and if she’s upset about something, to use words to clearly express exactly why she’s upset instead. Then, show her how. My daughter has said it to me only a handful of times when I really ticked her off 
and that’s exactly how I responded in a clear, calm way. She hasn’t said it since, but kids need to learn to concisely pinpoint, express and deal with emotions. I was never taught any of that and grew up to have HUGE struggles with feelings and coping so it’s a big thing for me to not pass on to my child. Most recently, my daughter says things like “I HATE Jayda” (our dog) when the dog annoys her and I’m really trying to drive into her to pick her words wisely instead of saying things we don’t mean when we are upset. For example, instead I may recommend her to say “jayda, what you’re doing right now is really bothering me so I’m going to go in a different room”. 
it’s a process, but i wanted to chime in because I don’t think ignoring it is the way to go. The OTHER great thing to all this is to let her know youre a human with emotions and words we don’t mean can hurt. Kids sometimes forget mom = person and not superhero 
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My 9 year old son says it to me. I just say, okay, well I love you. Typically, he says it when he’s held accountable to be responsible.
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“That’s ok, because I love you. Nothing will ever change that”
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My kids do this to this day and they are teenagers. Kids are mean sometimes but trust me, she definitely loves you and is doing this to simply bother you or get a reaction. Try not to let it get to you too much
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Both my 3yr and 5yr Olds say it. It hurts a lot but at the same time I remind myself and them that they are learning and trying to understand feelings. It’s mainly when they don’t get what they want and respond with I don’t like you or love you anymore or you hate me.
Keep reminding her how much you love her. It will get better momma 
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I would ignore it, and definitely not reinforce the behavior by telling her that you love her in the same instance. By all means tell her you love her constantly and throughout the day if you wish, but just ignore this behavior by saying nothing at all, or that’s fine, and leaving it at that.
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I think young kids like that really just say it to say it and don’t understand the emotional effects of the person receiving it.
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This happened when my son was little too and he definitely didn’t learn it from his dad I think they just like to see how you’ll react. I cried and boy was I heartbroken but then I learned at the end of the day they will always love you. They will even sneak up and say it when it’s whole heartedly true. But when they don’t get there way or just want to be rebellious they know the buttons to push. Although I know it’s so hard know that it really doesn’t mean she hates you. She doesn’t understand how hurtful it really is.
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She says it cause she gets a reaction…I doubt it’s because of the dad… it’s kids stuff…so dont be so devastated. She loves you
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I have never in my life ever told my mom I didn’t love her, I would ask her why she doesn’t love you. She may be hearing it at her dads.
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I told mine “you don’t have to love me but, you’re gonna respect me”. He’s now 38 years old, happily married with 5 kids and a Mama’s boy. LOL In fact he ate supper with me tonight. (I need to mention his wife is simply another daughter to me, I love her like my own.)
This too shall pass.
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My son would say this when he was upset by something when he either didn’t get his way or unrelated to me totally. Don’t take it personal has hard as that is to do.
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I can’t imagine. I’m sorry momma. My rebellious 16 year old, even mad, will say she loves me back. And my 14 month old baby is learning the words constantly, as I hug and say this all day to them both. It has to be something heard and followed at that age… I would look into it more. If it is the father, shame on him. You never disrespect the other parent no matter what the circumstances. Babies fallow lead… and at that age… still a baby… hugs… hold and hug and instill the love. It sinks in. They are smart and they will understand real love sweetie
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My 4 year old is very loving and will let us know but sometimes he says things like “I hate you” or to told his dad “you can’t be my dad anymore” the other day. He gets upset and frustrated and I don’t think he knows how to express his emotions yet. Maybe your daughter is the same and she doesn’t quite grasp what she’s actually saying yet or how much it hurts.
You’re allowed to feel hurt but don’t stop reminding her that you love her.
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My 5 year old does the same thing when he gets in trouble. It hurt me the first couple of times but usually after he calms down he comes and tells me he does love me. When he says it I tell him “That’s okay if you don’t love me, I love you very much though.” They say it to try and get a reaction out of you because they are upset
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Kids push your buttons no matter how old they are. Its their job and its about reactions. My daughter often ignores me when i say i love you but will show me in other ways.
Id recommend you ignore that behavior and see if it goes away. Positively reinforce it when she says it back. Also id recommend the love languages for children.
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Oh I get,”you’re the worst mom ever!!!” She doesn’t mean it. She’s just upset about something. I would just keep telling her you love her and let her know it’s not nice to say I don’t love you and that you love her even if she doesn’t want to say it back.
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I would teach her how to acknowledge her feelings. She may be angry or frustrated and doesn’t know how to articulate that so it comes out as “I don’t love you”. Maybe ask her what she’s feeling when she says this to you.
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My son said it to me for a while. It broke my heart. I just kept explaining that it’s not very nice and explain what i do to show him I love him. It was a phase it passed
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My daughter who is 7 now went thru a phase where you would say she didn’t love me back. And she lived with her dad and I. I always said “well that’s fine, momma still loves you”. After a bit I didn’t take it personal because I felt like it was a phase and it was. Now she tells me she loves me all day.
My 3 year old is doing this and just visibly showing that she loves her dad more. It’s the most heart breaking experience I’ve ever been through.
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My son did that when he was 2. I would tell him I love him and he’d respond saying he doesn’t love me. I always just said “That’s fine. But mommy loves you. I still love you when you don’t love me.” I didn’t take it personally even though it still stung a little hearing those words coming from his mouth, but I know he didn’t mean it and there’s a chance he’ll say it again some day. I know this boy loves me! Now he “I love you the most” back and forth at bedtime. 
Your feelings are valid, you can’t help feeling that way. But you shouldn’t take it personally. She could be testing you. She could be going through something. She could just be being a kid… lots of things. But I’m pretty sure she loves you! 
Just keep telling her you love her and try not to make her feel bad about what she’s saying. She doesn’t understand.
I would let her know that it hurts your feelings when she says that to you but you still love her
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Well my daughter gets angry, really angry she yells and screams that noone loves her. That’s a hard one too…her teenage brother said this one time when I forbid him to see a certain girl. Since then my daughter says it every time she doesn’t get her own way. It’s awful and I’ve just learned to not even say anything about it. It ends alot faster when I don’t. Obviously she is very loved. Sometimes kids just repeat things they’ve heard.
Teach her kindness - you are the parent - teach your child
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I use to my kids when they were little and in their teens an would get mad an say this…
“Thats ok. You can be mad at me. You can hate me if you really want to, that just means that im doing my job as a mother. If helping you grow into someone safe, smart and well mannered makes you hate me, then im fine with that. Cause I love you to much to let you do what ever you want just to buy your love.”
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Not every child needs therapy
Alot of kids at that age and older says stuff
If you keep reminding her about what love between a parent and child is - she will have a wonderful upbringing
She will out grow this and move onto something knew
FYI DO not interact when she says words like that go on with your day
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It hurts, I remember the first time my now 5 year old said it to me.
I’m telling you now she does love you, but she’s looking for a reaction out of you. Just calmly reply “I’m sorry you feel that way, as long as you know I love you” that sentence literally disarms my child when she’s being mean.
Its a phase just keep doing what u are doing. As long as u show her love and she still hears it then things will be ok. She is probably mad she don’t get her way with something which is why she says it. My boys were like that as toddlers and my daughter was like that for a little bit and now she never stops saying i love u. I hear it every 1-5 minutes everyday and she writes me notes with it in there always too multiple times in one note. I love my baby to death but some times I have to tell her I love u 2 look take a break ik u love me but u don’t have to say it this much in one day. Like I said its probably a phase but it can change i don’t think it will be like that forever.
I believe they all do this. I mean I’m a first time mom to 4 year old twins and my daughter says it a lot to me when she’s mad, upset etc. says she doesn’t love me and wants me to leave so she can live with just her brother and Dada. I know I did it to my own mother as well. I would just keep telling her how much you love her. I’m sure she will outgrow it until she hits her teens and it starts up again unfortunately
I tell my kid flat out, "I love you but i dont like you right now & this is why I dont like you right now. I dont like you when you throw things at me, scream at me or use unkind words to me. I am a person & I would like you to treat me better but i still love you & I always will love you more than anyone in the entire world. He then responds with well I love you but I dont like you when you dont listen to my words. Then I say okay let’s make an agreement from now going forward can we make an agreement? He says yes & I agree to try to listen better to his words & he agrees to stay calm without screaming so I can understand him, not to throw things at me & to use kind words. Honestly I don’t always like my kid but I do always love him. Like & love are two different things just like want & need. She’s probably just saying she doesnt love you to bug you & be unkind.
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Children don’t understand the meaning, depth, or power that words can hold. To them they’re just words and as they grow, they’ll use them to try and get a reaction. The more they learn certain words can get under the skin, the more they use them.
Now, at that young of an age, it might be because you use discipline, sometimes can’t be the ‘fun guy’ (bed time for example) or can’t give into everything.
Ask one day why the kiddo says that.
Perhaps they’re learning it at their fathers or simply using it without understanding.
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My son says it to me my girls haven’t yet but my 5 year old told me she wants gma or her dad more than me bc they baby her and I discipline her.
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All kids say that to their mother at some time or other. Yes it hurts your feelings, but ignore her when she says she doesn’t love you. Is she a spoiled child?
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Its a phase, they will grow out of it and back in it and out again… especially when they learn it triggers any kind of emotional respone for their parent(s) that can get them what they want. Just reassure them that you love them enough for both of you and ride out the emotional roller-coaster it is.
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This is a normal thing. Usually I get I don’t like you.
I just reply that’s fine. I love you.
Or u could just reply how it makes u feel in a calm way (that makes me sad when you talk to me like that) .
A lot of times kids react to getting told off thinking that u don’t love them because of it.
I usually tell my daughter that I don’t tell her off because I don’t like her, I tell her when she is doing something wrong as that’s my job to teach you wrong and right. But I still love you.
Just remind them that u love them, a random hug and kiss during ur day to tell them. 
My 4 year old can say some hurtful things to her sister sometimes. But she loves her so much and i tell her that not nice to say you’re going to hurt your aisters feelings. Then she apologizes and sometimes even cries. I want her to be able to express herself but not to hurt her sister while trying to express hherself. Maybe telling her that’s not nice & it hurts your feelings will help her? Bc I’m sure she loves you so much & would be heartbroken if she didn’t have you. Parenting is hard mama but you got this.
Tell her it hurts your feelings but it’s ok to say how she feels Five year Olds are fickle.
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I know it hurts but try to not let it cut you too deep. She’s 5 and still learning what her feelings are. If she gets a reaction it could be like a game. Still so young but I’m sure she loves you very much. Just continue to remind her you love her. She will one day appreciate that you did. If it continues in long run then consider other options but I’m sure she’s just not sure what she’s saying or that it hurts you.
I would say ok you don’t need to love me because I love you anyways it’s part of my job just like getting you to behave and teaching you. One day I hope to teach you well enough to understand love and hopefully say it back and mean it .If it really bothers you explain how words hurt and ask not to say it all the time because you find it very hurtful.
My oldest used to say it to me and call me mean mommy forever when i said no. She is now 12 and says she loves me multiple times per day. The first couple times it hurt and bugged me, then you just realize it is a phase. My 3-year-old now also tells me im not her friend any more, she doesnt love me ever more and that she isnt happy with me.
It’s a phase more than likely. Just keep telling her you love her. Dont take it too personal. It’s a kid thing.
If she is learning it at her dad’s, you could ask him. Do you have a good co-parenting relationship? Even though my oldest’s dad and i dont always see eye to eye, i know she would have never learned it from him, either.
When my kiddos went through this. I would just tell them thats okay. You don’t have to love anyone you don’t want to. And I havw enough love for the both of us. Now my kids are 17,15,14 and they love me and tell me every day. And I love it. But I didn’t let it affect me too much when they were little and said they didn’t. You’re doing good. And just make sure you don’t get angry with her. And remind her you love her.
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It’s a normal phase. Next time she says it, just tell her how it breaks your heart and she might stop. Or just tell her ok, love you too amd she will eventually stop saying it.
Usually parents can reframe their words/ thought by saying “ I know that you love me and I think that what you really want to say is…( fill in the blank with whatever makes sense to you)
ask her why? and if she says just because , tell her that’s not nice. how would it make you feel if I told you I didnt love you . but dont get me wrong im two types of person either I try to ask why and they give me a reasonable response or I tell them how it is lol no in between, if my child starts to act like a little a hole I do the same thing. my child likes to tell me he doesnt like em and sometimes I ask why and sometimes I tell him I dont like him either lol, but either one he knows and I know I dont meant it.
My 6 year old son tells me he hates me when he gets mad at me or don’t get what he wants. I just tell him that it’s not nice and that it hurts me with I love you so much.
If you react too it she will continue to say it just keep saying I love you and hug her and reassure her you will always be there
All of my kids did this. It was a phase. They wanted something I said no, then they didn’t love me. And I didn’t really mind it. I hated my parents until I got older and realized everything they did was to protect me and because they loved me. And now with my kids, they can hate me all they want to, but we will be best friends in the future.
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She says it because you’re giving her a reaction. Just say well I’ll always love you and move on.
Kids say the darndest things. Dont immediately blame her dad ir her dads house… You can ask her dad if she says stuff like that at his house, but dont make it seem like youre blaming him. Like I said kids say weird stuff and often, and although it hurts our feelings, they are learning emotions all together. Shes only had 5 years of living and 5 years of learning.
My 4 year old randomly says really mean things like that. Im hoping its a phase but it does break your heart when they do it.
My 5 year old says it all the time especially when she doesn’t get her way just redirect her tell her that’s not nice put her in time out or how ever you see fit
My response would be “ Okay AND?” she’s saying it for a reaction and I wouldn’t give it to her. If she proceeded with unkind things I would either A: explain to her that it’s not kind or B: respond with something equally unkind to use as a teachable moment you gotta know your kid to decide which one
I would ask what do they think the word love means to them and go from there. Assure them they’re not required to love anyone while also assuring you will always love her.
My boys use to say it all the time when they were younger and I tried not taking it personally and my response was always. Well I still love you. Over time they quit when they noticed it didn’t bother me
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I’m a preschool teacher and have a kiddo in my class that does this. We let them know that those words aren’t appropriate and give them alternative phrases to use, help them to put words with their emotions. Your child may just not know how else to express their emotions and be using it as default, especially if she’s feeling upset in any way. Keep in mind if you use this technique it does take a LOT of consistency but it does pay off! Be consistent with it for a few weeks every time there is an instance that this phrase is used, you’ll likely start seeing it work around well 3!
She’s trying to get your goat. The bigger deal you make of it the more she’ll do it. If you start taking her sas seriously now, you’ll never survive her teens.
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Translation - when I 5 year old tells you she doesn’t love you
- She doesn’t like what you said or did but can’t verbalize it.
- She gets a response from you.
Her - I don’t love you
You - But I love you
Reassuring her that you still love her.
Don’t take it personally
Just laugh and pick her up and tickle her and say oh you don’t love me huh?
Make it funny and don’t let her see it upsets you
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Normal. My 4 year old does this too… just remind her you love her. She doesn’t understand what it means fully.
She loves you!!! It’s just a phase . She might not know what it means to love someone . But she loves you
Does she like you? At that age it’s a thing that gets a reaction. Kids are jerks. There I said it. Love them to death but if they feel left out or ignored they will do anything to get attention. Maybe you don’t notice since she started saying it you e been doing more for her or giving her more and she notices. Hugs. Kids are fun
My 5 year old says this all the time to try to get a reaction/what he WANTS from me. I just simply ignore him or just go well that sucks I still love you tho 
Sometimes I’ll say wow that really hurts my feelings And Explain that saying things like that can be really hurtful and explain how words are powerful and once said they can’t be taken back.
Tell her you understand, but you love 
her and you’re happy you are doing your job right. Every kid tells a parent/ parents that. So just smile and tell them you love them.
Mind has I just say I love you that make them mad they come later an say their sorry
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“Well I’m sorry you feel that way, I love you bunches!” My husband is never like that to me and my kids do it. It’s just a crappy phase kids go through. It sucks and it hurts but… kids 
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Children usually say this when they don’t get what they want, I just reassure mine I love them… even if right now they don’t love me!!
My 6 and 4 year old tell me I’m the worst mom when they don’t get their way but I know it’s not true.
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Give it some more time, it will change. Just keep reminding her of how much you love her and maybe let her know that it hurts your feelings.
You say, that’s okay. I love you anyway.
My former foster daughter at age 6 would yell “i hate you!” I would say back, that’s okay i love you anyway." Soon she began to yell “I hate you, but I know you love me anyway”
I would just keep telling her how much you love her. You might want to get a couple of books to read with her about feelings.
My son is 5 and says this to me when he doesn’t get what he wants and when he’s in trouble. Don’t take it personal. They don’t mean it.
She’s just getting a reaction… She loves you
My youngest who is 14 loves me every time he gets his way & won’t even say it back if he didn’t get his way. I’m used to it. Sometimes I’m petty & I’ll have something he wants, I’ll say too bad this is for the kids that love me!! 
Correct her. No you love me you might not like my actions or words right now but you do love me. Explain to her what love is & that she’d miss you if you were gone ect. Kid’s don’t know what it actually means except the reactions they get in response. Make it clear it’s not acceptable to hurt you which includes mean word & that saying that is mean & unkind. I take an hour of tablet time away for everytime my kid is unkind to me or someone else. I’ve even taken his tablet away for 2 days straight for kicking his teacher in the face. Words can be just the same as kicking someone in the face make sure you make it clear it’s not acceptable & you are a person too. The only thing that gets through to my kid is taking away tablet time which he has to earn his tablet time & doesnt get it until 4pm or 6pm depending on the day & then the time he got taken away & if he’s not behaving he doesn’t get it at all.
My kid tells us all the time she doesn’t love us. At this point I’m just like ok kid. It use to bother me but I’m pretty sure it’s a phase at this point.
Your emotional base should not be dependent or swayed because your child said that… not when they’re 1 year old and not when they’re 40…but yeah, I get it with the whole woke thing everybody thinks that how they feel and the way they take things emotionally should be above all others and everyone needs to do with you anything they don’t like or sometimes have rights to feel crappy. Did you feel crappy because the child says they don’t love you, then you need to see therapy right away. If you truly think your child doesn’t love you then it’s time to find out what is going wrong with your parenting style? Does your child not feel that you love her?
Possibly she hasn’t been taught or doesn’t know how to express her frustration over something or anger about something and it’s the only way she knows how to display said emotion especially if you are visibly affected by it or upset by it then it’s a success in her eyes because she knows she got her anger across
Also it could just be that she’s 5 and does t actually understand what that means
Tell her that you do not love her neither 
( I’m joking )
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My 6&4 year old told me that
Yes it does hurt but they don’t mean it
Don’t read too much into it. She’s just responding that way to get a reaction from you.
It’s normal…kind of a game to children. Look at it like you’re raising her with lots of confidence.
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Sorry to say but those kids have no respect for you. I have three children, two teenagers and they have never said that. You haven’t done something right I believe for a child to say some disrespectful stuff like that. Or you are just too soft with them
Well, my mother knocked me down when I said it at any age. So, you have choices. Be the kind of parent you know will not leave any trauma on a kid being kind difficult on you, but not really understanding their words or actions, OR, you may do as you plz and create permanent memories of what you do in reaction.
Shes found what gets a reaction out of you
When she says that you say nothing can change the love you have for her and when shes not deep in her feelings ask her how she felt when she said that to you or after remind her that shes safe with you to work through this
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Does she understand what she’s saying? Has her dad told her to say this?
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Give her lots of hugs do things with her an remind her how much you love her and I bet she will come around
My kids did this. Come to find out after talking to them, they didn’t understand what love was. Now they’re 6, 7, and 10 and won’t stop saying they love me. Lol
Kids are mean… (I blame public school) struggling with this right now with 4 of them. Hoping it gets better for us and you soon.