Kids are extremely intelligent just never given the opportunity of expressing truly how not to deal with struggle. If he says how am I never doing something right is not refusal it’s realising no matter how or what and how hard I try it never will be good enough
Mother of five kids . All adults now. When one of them told me they hated me or didn’t like me or I was mean I said good I am doing my job right,. I am their parent first their friend second. My job is to teach them about the world around them partially based on my experience so don’t play the guilt game with me. Also I don’t care if you don’t want to I am the parent and you will do what I say and you will do it because you need to learn how to do this because I won’t always be around to do it for you. Quit letting him manipulate you becaus that is what he is doing.
Tell him what you want him to do… If he doesn’t have it done by a certain time, just take away his electronics. When he does it, give it back a little later.
I would start off by taking away things. Then if that did not work a couple hard swats against his butt to get his attention.
He is the middle child. The youngest is the baby and probably gets more attention than the other two. The oldest may get more privileges. The middle child is usually told to look and act like the older child and wants the attention of the youngest. This is the age old situation. Try finding time to spend with him alone. Positive, encouragement, and praise but only when true and warranted. Reward all of your children equally. Next teach all of your children about respect. If they want respect they must earn it. If they disrespect you, they will not be respected either. All of this can be taught with family meeting where every person can talk and be heard. If you do not know how to conduct family meetings that are safe and productive educate yourselves. Good luck!
When he must do something each parent should always make him think that he has two choices . The 2 you chose should be correct no-matter what he picks . If he does not pick one of the designated choices then he gets in trouble .
Turn off the electronics, absolutely 0 internet. When he talks back he gets a spanking and then straight to extra chores. Zero tolerance policy. If you don’t handle it now it will get worse and your other children will copy.
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I always called it middle child Syndrome! Lol if you have more than to two the middle always seems to be like this. If you say it follow through. Not in anger but In firmness.
It is
Important for the one on one also.
You can punish him by taking away something likes every time he does that . A favorite toy or a TV program . Send him to bed early too . He won’t like that . Be firm .
Believe me, if I ever treated my mother like that I would have been peeling myself off the wall. So disrespectful! You’re husband does not have any balls and does not respect his wife nor himself. This family deserves what their child is saying to them. Big baby.
He’s 8! You are the parent! Take away privileges, No Ipad, no Phone, no Tv.
If he’s involved in sports, talk to his coach and tell him he’s sitting the bench and why.
YOU need to follow through with what the punishment is! Idle threats mean nothing and will only show him you are week and can be wore down.
You’d better hurry. Inappropriate behavior is best corrected at a VERY early age. Sounds like You looked over it when They were little and cute. NOT good.
Don’t argue with him but hold your ground. If you tell him to do something and he argues take away a privilege or game etc. Don’t give in to him even if he pitches a fit!!! Just walk away and do not, do not give in to him!!!
I had a daughter and she still is like that. She is in her 50s
I think life is finally teaching her a few things
Nothing
Something may be bothering him. So seek advice. It could be problems at school or something else.
Restriction, restriction, restriction. No phone, no tablet, no computer, no TV, no going outside, no sports. If you’re serving a dessert with dinner that night and he wasnt behaved that day, he doesn’t get it and he sits at the table and watches everyone else eat it. Make sure the other kids get to do when they’re good and get similar discipline when they aren’t. He doesn’t control the schedule of the others in the house. If they all play soccer and he acts up, everyone else goes and he sits in the car with you while the others practice and play. Fact is, he doesn’t have to like you. If he says he doesn’t like you, say, “That’s too bad because I love you so much and I feel so lucky to have you as my son.”. If he says that you’re rude, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but this is my house and these are my rules. You may not like them, that’s ok, but you will obey them or you don’t get insert favorite thing or activity here. You can do what you think is right when you’re on your own supporting yourself, raising your own family.”. When he does good things- even if it’s basic stuff- give a lot of praise and attentions. He’s a middle child, looking for attention and if you let him see he hurts you with those words, he wins. Follow through is the most important part and the positive reinforcement is key.
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Bless you.
Yes. They do this.
I swear one of us isn’t making it to puberty.
Hold on!! Drink wine, smoke pot!!
This whole covid thing has taught me , some of us moms weren’t meant to be 24/7 moms!! I am them!!
Hang in there. It too will pass.
Start taking things he likes away from him. Disrespect isn’t a thing he should get away with. Everytime he does it take something else he likes. If he likes electronics I’d start with those. Just tell him he is loosing it because he was disrespectful.
You don’t need your child to “like” you. You need to be his parent. You need to institute consequences for rude behavior and back talk. Take away all of his electronics. This will only have a positive effect on his behavior. Times when my boys didn’t respond to “gentle” coaching, they lost all of their gadgets. You’d be amazed what a huge impact on behavior and manners this can have. After a few days, you really begin to see a big difference!
You need to get a handle on this now. It’s not too late. But if you don’t do it now, his teen years will be a nightmare.
Give him 2 choices. Both of which you approve of. Consequences are part of life. If he is rude or hateful there’s a consequence. If he’s polite and decent he can earn a privilege.
Well first off I’d warn him if he disrespects you that each time you will take away something from him like he takes his respect from you…For instance if he has a tablet or iPad or video game take it away and if shares the gaming with his b rather all the better because they will try to teach him to listen and respect you to get their stuff back
They have no respect for their parents or other elders. We were told once n if we didn’t do it u got a spanking. N we turned out fine. My 2 children have respect for their elders n they’re NIW 27 n 30.
I once told my mother I wasn’t going to do the dishes. I got slapped and it never happened again.
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Who is in control - the child or the adult - the child is being very disrespectful and this is going to hurt the entire family. More than time for the entire family to sit down and talk to him and, hopefully, the whole family will let him know that he is not acting in a respectful manner and he needs to stop it NOW! Perhaps the 4 year is too young to understand the problem, but he is part of the family and may notice what has been going on and he should be included.
Because he is the middle he feels 1st. and 3rd. Get the attention. But, no one here is a health professional so let’s clear that up. We can only try to tell you our experiences as parents.
Make a chart with each childs name on it. Under their name list there chores.
But, make sure homework is done. For each chore completed give them points or stars. At the end of the week, or month reward them. Movie, favorite game, dinner out etc. Do this every week. You will see an improvement especially if he gets no priviledges. He can also see the chart of his brothers progress. It works believe me. Good luck, God Bless.
Ok, time to take away his electronics, cause what we as parents do not do is give our children power over us.
You both have to be on the same page with how you handle it. My daughter ended up with just her clothes and her bed in her room for about two weeks one time due to attitude. Had to take everything away. She earned it back little by little by changing her attitude. When she would act up aging we would just remind her of that time. V
Skip the therapist. This is a behavioral problem. I agree, don’t argue with him. Take away what he likes most and don’t give it back. If he doesn’t give it up, send him to his stripped down room until morning. Repeat as long as necessary. Consequences for bad behavior, mom!
Don’t argue with him you are the parents and he does not have to like what you ask him to do! Tell him to do something and he says no take something away! And do the same each day till he understands to get anything back he must do as he is told! Bet after a few days of not having what he likes or wants he will do what he is told! His toys are not a need it’s a want! They can go ! And let some time go by and wait till he ask you for something he really wants and you say well ya know remember that day I asked you to do something and you told me no well I am gonna have to say no now!
Sounds like he has ODD , oppositional defiance disorder. My daughter had to deal with it in foster care. 2 of the boys she adopted also has ODD. U really need to be counseled on how to deal with it, and the child needs counseled too. All the spanking in the world wont change things. Google it, and see if u can find answers.
He needs a good old-fashioned butt whipping…then he won’t argue and really learn to like you…
Someone must have told him “ he is a middle child” and they are not loved like no.1 and no. 3 child. Which is not true, they are all loved equally.
I’m sorry for the trouble you are having with your child. I guess I was pretty fortunate I have three children all grown now. I know it is a different time now but A good paddling never hurt anybody my word was law. I very seldom ever had to spank my children but they knew that if I did they were going to know it .
Get the book 1-2-3 magic. But the best thing I can give you in way of advice is don’t argue back. If he wants to argue, tell him you will not argue with him and repeat yourself. Kids hate that.
Find out if he has been sexually abused? Something is causing his attitude
Let him set up some rules for himself. BUT!!! He must also set up some consequences if he doesn’t follow through. Rules must be within reason and so should the consequences. Bedtime should be at a certain time. If he doesn’t go to bed at appointed time make him get up earlier.
Which one is the parent? Him or you? Better set boundaries now or you are in a world of an uncontrollable teenager!!
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Back hand to your mouth is what your going to get and your still going to do what i asked you do. Than im removing everything in your room too because you dont respect my rules and run your mouth you can have a bed and your clothes
Listen I know there are parents out there who disagree with spanking nowadays but when you’re at your wits end with your child because they’re acting a fool and not listening to you I can almost guarantee you that your child will straighten up after a good ass whooping. It’s not abuse, it’s discipline, in my opinion. It made me act right, that’s for sure 
do like parents used to do, tell them to go pick a switch off the tree and bring it you, and when he talks back a dab of liquid Ivory dish soap rubbed on his teeth does wonders too! We grew up in the generation that was taught RESPECT! That’s one of the major things this generation has NO CLUE OF. quit coddling the kids, BE THE PARENT THAT THEY NEED !!!
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I deal with this with my 11 year old son. I thought it was cause me and his dad are not together
Instead of just telling him know give him choices you both could live with.
how about a nice tasty bar of soap for disrespect. why do we talk our children into minding? parents need to be loving but also disciplinary. when kids run the house it’s all over. time to put your feet down as parents and suprise the little stinker.
When I was that age I’d get my butt beat for acting like that.
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It is typical of middle child to do this. They are to old to do what the youngest does and young to do what the oldest does. I constantly felt torn and beat up. I am though that person that will be by your side and take up for you when everyone points their finger. I am loyal to the end. I was there for my parents when the other two weren’t. May it is your parenting and not child.
Rules are rules. Talk to him let him know his role if he wants his games his tablet or any electronic. I do agree on the doctor thing to see if they can pinpoint the problem. Cause sometimes a bully might be bulling him and he doesn’t know how to tell you or it could be anything. Get it taken care of before it’s to late
Middle children can sometimes feel left out and then act/lash out or misbehave because of it…when all they really want is more one on one with mom and dad. In my family the oldest and youngest got the most attention, by necessity at times, but sometimes I felt invisible. Maybe you and your husband alternate watching the other children while one of you takes your middle child, just the 2 of you, for ice cream or play a game with him or something. This may not be your son’s exact issue, but as a middle child, I wanted to offer it as a potential cause. Just needs more individualized attention from the parents. That was my case, anyway. Best wishes going forward. Hope you find the problem and solution.
Bust his ass thats what my parents done to me and seen the light and i done it to my childern too
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Try asking him instead of telling. I have known that work, may help.
A swat on the butt never hurt anyone and shows who’s boss. They need to learn to listen and mind!
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You can say, “I don’t want to but, you don’t tell me no.” Take things away until it becomes more uncomfortable to be rude than it is to comply.
Just off the cuff talk to his Dr. ask the dr. about anxiety, or ADHD. If no answers help. Take him to a Therapist for a consultation. I know they are expensive but it could help a lot.
One good back hand and take all those toys and electronics out of his room
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Every time he starts arguing with you…just say GO TO YOUR ROOM. MAYBE he will get tired of it after a while. It will only get worse as he gets older if you don’t correct it now.
Middle child syndrome. Went thru this with my oldest daughter. It was rough but somehow we made it. Arguing with him will prove futile. Be firm without being a tyrant. Say what u want/expect from him and drop it
Have you tried busting his butt when he talks back. Worked when I was a child and it worked on my kids and grandkids. We discuss things but talking back is not allowed. Being disrespectful has consequences.
I have a 9 year old boy and he’s been like that for awhile. When he lies or acts up he ends up having to clean all day and no video games.
Im sorry but im that mom… Respect is a two way street. Im the parent. If my child talked back… His mouth gets popped… Sorry but it only happens once i guarantee. I dont play the disrespect game.
Put a leather belt across his butt every time he does it.
I raised three boys with Gods help. But the next time he has a function that he wants to go to dont take him. Explain to him that actions have consequences. Dont argue with him even if you have to leave the room dont say anythi g else. Time outs helped my boys. Too. But not taking them where they want to go was the biggest and best way to go.
So it’s learning to deal with struggle in life a sitting down and have a mature discussion as a family that will include alot of swearing from both party’s but it will be let out and it will be a struggle between the both of u but I have to keep in mind I are both individuals still struggling together kids will always be kids but parents need to be like master jedi no Pune just a good sense on understanding things and metaphor for educate and telling we have to know failure and how to find our strength in life and need to learn to let go and give them help when they fail and fall and give them the courage and tenacity to push and move forward even in the face of repeated failure.
Stop doing everything for him don’t do his laundry, do not set a plate at the table for him he can go get a plate and get the food but you don’t lay it out for him, let him be as lazy as he wants but stop the money he gets nothing let him see what it’s like if you weren’t around.
Okay although my kids are in their 30 and 40’s and the law says we can’t beat them in these days I think my first step with this child is professional help to see where this is coming from. Shame a good old behind beating not abuse use to take care of these issues
I would never argue with my folks. Dad would get out the belt. Survived that.
We were taught to respect our elders.
Find out if he is being bullying also get him checked for adhd
Look I got my butt tore out of the frame for disrespecting.kids crave discipline and if you don’t give it to them this is what you get.dont beat your children but let them know who’s boss.so many kids are growing up not knowing or being taught because the parents are either scared or want to be there friends.uhm no parenting is first friend is later.
Stop trying to be his friend. Stop pacifying his every moment. Beat that ass and take away everything u bought that he enjoys…he doesn’t contribute to the household. Our generation respects our elders because that is what happened to us.
Be consistent and precise in ur decisions…no is no…
Instead of talking to him , tell him once where you will leave him notes with your expectations. The thing is he can argue with you but not with a piece of paper. If he doesn’t do what you want him too , do onto him the same like the person commented below, don’t do his laundry and so forth. If he’s ready to talk nice , let him .
As far as the negative comments towards you, don’t respond with anything other than "I understand your feelings and I love you but “we” still have to (fill in the blank)
Don’t fight with a child…they have no logic skills.
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My mom would’ve had a tombstone with my name on it ready to slap down in it if I ever behave like that
a good spanking will make it better! YOU are the boss!!! NOT the child!!!
Triple P is a great program positive parenting it works like magic.
are y’all serious…you whoop that ass and you take away any video games allowance. It’s your house
Your the parent. I’m not negotiating with a child. This should of been implemented as toddler’s. If You let things slide while their toddler’s and think it’s cute …then it gets out of hand. You think it’s bad now wait until their teens. Their gonna be running the house while the parents pay the bills etc. Seems as though the Children know theirs no punishment or repercussions to the disrespect. It’s gonna get worse. I be damned if I’m walking on eggshells in my house…
I spank … so that ass would be warm Everytime he spoke back to me or his mother! And then to think about it… would be on his knees on the hardwood floor saying his prayers for about 15 mins
Key is to be consistent. What you say is what it is don’t give up and let him have his way
Well… I spanked my child when he was disrespectful. It seemed to work… just saying
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you need to take control, the teen years will be much worse, deprive him of his games and computer and make him earn his rights to them
Start rewarding for days with no back talk. Give him game time or reward. Don’t give in if he is bad. Make him earn it.
Try the Total Transformation or 1 2 3 Magic. Both are great programs to help parents learn to help their children manage their behaviors. There’s also a biblical based Nurturing God’s way. All of these are good programs. I have used the first two with my boys. The third we used at the visitation center, I volunteered at, for families separated by children services. None of them use corporal punishment, ie nobody is busting anyone’s ass. And it sounds like if he’s being that difficult hitting him would only fuel the fire. There are effect ways to discipline kids without hitting.
I have read several of your suggestions. I do not know you or your backgrounds. However, as a born again Christian I am a firm believer of the KJV Bible and it says to train up a child in the way it should go. Also in Proverbs chapters 19, 22 and 23 it reads about correcting your children. Try using the Bible way and teaching them about God. And again I don’t know you. I pray you are a Christian. If not I pray you will be soon.
I agree with restricting his “fun” things and explain why this is happening.
I have 3 sons that I raised pretty much alone. I was tough but they knew that they were loved…stay tough and follow through . You are doing them a disservice with anything less. It’s hard but gets easier at about 24…lol
I don’t spank never had too I was spanked as a child, first thing I do is block the internet router to all their electronics, next I take away all video games or what ever they love the most. My son it’s his Xbox my daughter it’s her phone , we also changed our kids diets , no sugar , no red dyes , and lots of outdoor exercise and activities help keep them under control
You should also check with teacher or school and see who is hanging around with kids will follow one anothers behavior patterns it might stem from there too.
First everything he likes would be gone. And if he complains or mouths off it will all be gone longer. He no also will be grounded from his friends and of course his phone is gone too. Since he now has more time on his hands he can do more chores and study more. This can last a month and if has a problem with that or is disrespectful to anyone again it will be extended. After you have told him. Then have him bring you his phone and other things. Take them and put them somewhere that he can’t get them. Then send him to his room to think about it.
Stop it now while he is small. If you wait til he gets bigger, the problem will also be bigger. The answer is discipline, now! Nip it in the bud.
I agree with Ann Preece. That’s exactly how I raised my two.
I cut the cord on the TV with scissors while it was on. (Don’t do that!) But my rule was no tv while doing homework. Well I went in the kitchen to make dinner and thought I heard the TV. I went to check on them, it was on again, and I said you know the rules as I turned it off. Well my son stood up, put his hands on his hips and said he wasn’t done watching the show. I walked over to the desk, opened a drawer, took out scissors and reached behind the TV and cut the cord. No words. I returned to the kitchen to cook. I still can hear his voice saying she she cut the cord. He couldn’t believe it. He kept trying to put it together. I could see his arms reflections off a window and his voice. No argument happened. No physical encounter. I meant what I said and he got the point real fast. It was four months before I got it fixed. That was our only TV with VCR and Nintendo. Message received. They never asked, begged, pleaded, or told their grandparents. I called a repairman for Christmas Eve. My parents always came to spend the night and open presents in the morning. My dad would need a TV and I thought the point was made. The repairmen said, Ma’am it looks like someone cut the cord. I told him what i did… He said i was incredibly lucky. I said even God knew not to mess with me that day. They both graduated from college and are wonderful people. Somebody has to be in charge. I would go into a burning building for them. I have no doubt that they would also. We are close and are there for each other. We worked as a team bc together we can do anything. But somebody has to be in charge. The rules didn’t change. We all worked together to do the chores. We shopped together & brought them in & put away. We folded laundry together, cut the lawn together, washed the car together, bc together worked faster, spread the work out, and left more time for everyone to have fun. School, work, and sports takes a lot of time and we didn’t have a genie! They learned to work together which happens to be incredibly important life skills! You are the leader. Nip it in the bud! Stick to a plan. Kids will push you. They talk to each other. They plan and get ideas from others. They brag about it. I was a teacher. I have overheard them. Ask any teacher. You have a few kids. We have 25, 30 or more. Without rules, they will eat you alive. Choose 3, 4 or 5 rules and stick to them. It gets easier once they know the rules aren’t going away. Trust me. It doesn’t take long if you hold fast. My two were 5 & 8 with the TV episode. That was my wake up call and I never backed down when that little kid put his hands on his hips and yelled that he wasn’t done watching TV. No words. Just my actions said it all. And everyday no tv for 4 months sealed the message real tight. They didn’t beg, no they didn’t even mention it… She could have bc it was him, but she didn’t. I think you have to be a little unexpected, so they never know what their crazy mom will do!
It takes two to argue. Give him an instruction, an incentive and a consequence. Then, follow through.
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It’s a lot of kids these days, they just don’t have respect, but it’s not you, it’s his peers and what they watch… just stay on him. Prayers
Go out to McDonald’s with the other kids, leave him behind, when he asks why, say we told you, you weren’t listening.
I get the feeling he does not have a father in the home. This is typical of the home where the mother has run his father off and he is blaming you Mom ! Yes, the father is there but who is the boss, possible ??? The boy needs a man, could you do better dad ? Take him hunting dad, it’s your job. Man and boy stuff dad, do stuff with him alone, he is not a mommies boy, help him grow up. CBH been there
Be one step ahead of him. He may be trying to challenge you.Dont back down.When he says…I dont have to…Say…thats true…But u WILL…He doesnt have a choice!!.or when he says…You do it…U say…Thats why U have HIM!!..When he wants to argue…Tell him save it for a debate team!!Outsmart him n his mouth.Dont let him get over on you.Good Luck.
Back in the day this would get a good Ole spankin and it would straighten any kid right out
Parents stop being ur child friend and discipline ur child sounds like u let u him do as he pleases if I told my mom No my a** would be hurting for the next day or my mouth would have gotten washed out with soap
A tap on butt he may get the message it not abuse show u mean business of tell make his bed he tells u no go get him take to his bed tell he not leave the room until bed made well u having fun with other 2 kids he hear wonder what all the noise n laughter he missing on if he comes out ask did make bed if says no take back tell until bed made u stay in room if need be take away electronic a fav toy even tv what we had when I was young do not allow to run your home he doing it now you both have to be in charge if one parent tell no other one had to not give in he scream cry stomp his feet when does that tell u keep what ever u took from him longer
Everyone wants to jump straight to hitting for whatever reason but I’d talk to his pediatrician about ODD. Oppositional defiance disorder. It’s not something they can help. Therapy and stuff would definitely help.
I know a few middle children who act this way. N idk how to help them either. Came to read other comments, but not looking very helpful…
Being the middle child he felt shoved aside with the birth of your younger child. You might consider getting professional help to resolve this problem. And, it is a very real one that will grow into deep resentment as he ages. Bring the first born, I was expected to take on lots of responsibility , not only for myself but for the other three.The youngest receives more attention. Recognize each child for their abilities and build from there. Always make sure that trip to the store or parks include them all. Form them into teams for chores then switch to the other team and then switch team members. Rotate often so favoritism is not obvious,if it exists. It is difficult but it could produce a family that pulls together in bad and good times. And that is so important as we age.