I am at my wits end here. My son is eight years old. He’s been horribly stubborn and hateful for months, going as far as trying to hit his father and me when we ask him (repeatedly) to clean up his room. He’s hoarded food (which has gone moldy by the time we’ve found it), food wrappers, garbage in general, and destroys his room. He’ll throw his stuff up in the air and let it stay where it lands. He’ll leave his dirty clothes anywhere (yes, I understand that’s pretty typical of a boy). It’s becoming unbearable. Yesterday I found a stolen pack of locks from the dollar store; he said he wanted some of his own. I made him take them back to the store and apologize. This isn’t his first time stealing. Nothing we say or do seems to get through to him. We have taken pretty much everything out of his room, removed his door because he’s constantly slamming his door in our faces, and it hasn’t made a lick of a difference. All manner of punishment hasn’t gotten through to him; we’ve tried nearly everything! We also warned him that Santa wouldn’t bring him anything if he doesn’t behave and listen, and even went as far as having Santa wrote to him to reiterate that fact. Still nothing. He doesn’t want to leave cookies out for Santa now because, quote: “he’s being mean by not bringing me presents.” We have to stick by the no presents, or he isn’t going to take us seriously, and it breaks my heart. My mother says it isn’t fair for him because he’ll see his sister open presents. Someone, please tell me that I’m doing the right thing by sticking to my guns! I really need some support. I feel guilty enough, but I see no other option. I feel like I’m losing my mind here.
Stand your ground.
It’s going to be a tough day, but if that’s what you used as a punishment that’s what you need to do
Stick to it!! He has to know to take you seriously. These ages are where they really test and push to see what they can do and not do. I’d also take him to see a counselor there could be other things he’s acting out about and not wanting to talk to you about.
So you’ve punished him and it hasn’t helped so you thought you’d punish him some more. Maybe it’s time to look at your parenting?
Stick to it! My mom was hard on us growing up but gave into my brother for everything… he became a drop out in like middle school and still hasn’t gotten it together. I got a call from county jail at 7:30am Sunday morning from him and it broke my heart that I couldn’t do anything but it angered me so much that I said some things to my mother and blamed her for enabling him most of his life. It hurts and angers me that I want so much more for him but he has to want it too.
Moral of the story is say what you mean and mean what you say regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. If he chooses the wrong path when he’s of age then at least you can say he wasn’t raised that way and those choices became his own although you didn’t approve and he was disciplined accordingly.
Have u had him tested for adhd and sensory processing disorder?
You are doing the right thing. Do not reward bad behaviour.
My kids were stealing so i took em to the police station and let a police officer talk with them and scare them… We dont have a problem in that area anymore… Stick to your punishments hes old enough to know right from wrong…
You got this, sounds like you are doing everything you can to try and calm the situation, stick to your guns it will start to stick hopefully sooner rather than later
Honestly your going probably make it worse and he will remember not getting anything for years to come. It sound likes he needs to talk to someone and they need to provide you with ways to handle him before he gets out more out of control.
Stand your ground i also have a 8 year old too maybe get him tested for adhd or add praying for your family it gets hard some times
I hope you have things for him when he starts behaving. Positive reinforcement is a must with children. My opinion though is taking Christmas away completely is harsh, he’s 8 years old.
Knock him on his butt first!! LolThen call and have him evaluated. He sounds miserable and unable to handle life
Him not having presents will make it waaaaay worse.
Have you tried resetting to factory settings?
Don’t give him any presents. And after he sees his sister open hers tell him he can earn his presents back. That way he is the one making the choice. Even if he is ADHD etc…he can still know right from wrong. I am very familiar with special needs going on 8+years and a child having a disability does not mean they can’t learn to behave properly. It may take longer and take extra like therapy, meds etc…but they can learn with consistency. Make him responsible now before he has to learn it in jail as an adult.
Take him to therapy there may be something going on at school. He may be being bullied and doesn’t show it any other way. Maybe he’s jealous of a friends life. Therapy could help exponentially and you may be able to find the root of the problem! Keep up with discipline tho. You have to stick to the rules you set for him no matter what. If he steals again, call the police and explain what happened. They may come to the store and have a chat with him about stealing. Sometimes you can get a “tour” of a jail for him so he can see what will happen if he doesn’t stop.
Y’all are nuts. Why use Christmas as a punishment cause you fail to enforce boundaries all year? Have Christmas and start following through on your expectations. He wants to be a slob go in his room each day and make him pick up all his shit. If food is shoved around molding you are not being vigilant enough.
Pull his pants down and get mean
It sounds like he might be really depressed or feeling ignored. Do you all do anything fun together or is it just y’all giving him orders & being frustrated all the time?
I highly recommend looking into Magic 1-2-3 and Love and Logic as parenting techniques. I am a firm believer in following through with all consequences that are set forth. With that being said the above mentioned parenting techniques should help keep you from getting to consequences that you as a parent have guilt about following through on. Hope that makes sense.
Chrstmas time is the time of love and to acknowledge the things in which have been blessed with by God - taking away a childs gifts is not the thing to do here. It would seem to me that there is other issues going on with him that he is not comfortable discussing with you in fear of you not believing him or getting him into more trouble. Has he changed in school, is he withdrawn from things he normally enjoyed - look for these signs he could be dealing with bullying at school - get him in to see a counselor after Christmas and let him have his gifts with the rest of the family at this time and if he chooses to be disgruntled and misbehaves afterwards take them away - he is at an awkard age right now that things are just out of sorts for him and he doesn’t know how to talk about it with either parent. Get an appt. with his dr. and ask for a referral to a counselor. Good luck and Merry Christmas to all.
I would talk to his doctor and maybe get a family therapist. His doctor should be able to point you guys into the direction of a good therapist that could be covered by your insurance. And as for christmas presents, maybe you could have “santa” write a note saying that he will not get any of his toys until he EARNS them back!! Good luck!
No gifts are gifts not a reward why would you give him a rotten memory of Christmas ?
Whip his ass one time
Most jails have a scared straight program sing him up it might make him think twice
Get him a therapist. Now.
Something has happened or is going on and he’s acting out bc he’s upset. You all need to get to the bottom of whatever it is.
Don’t reminding him you love him.
I say this bc when I started acting out, there was a valid reason. I wish we had done therapy then.
My 5yo sometimes behaves this way and she has ADHD… Yes they know right from wrong HOWEVER they dont process things the same way as other children and they act on impulse. Being consistent is a huge thing but i wouldnt take his presents away… Who knows if he’ll even believe in Santa next year. I definitely reccomend therapy as there could be more to the story and im also a firm believer in positive reinforcement! It gets us much further with our daughter then strictly disciplining her does.
Stick to it mama
Hes gotta learn, you cant give into this kind of behavior, especially if hes stealing, you need to hold your ground
I know its tearing you apart, but when I was little I would’ve had my ass handed to me and that’s how it was
Especially if I stole something, my butt would’ve been black and blue, don’t give him presents til he earns them
I dont know if you physically discipline but maybe a good spanking is in order
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I hope it gets better
Merry Christmas though
You don’t need gifs to celebrate Christmas
They aren’t born knowing how to clean. Help him a time or two to hang clothes or put in drawers. He’ll get the hang of it. Reward him and thank him when he does.
Whatever you say you have to stick with. He definitely needs routine and don’t allow him to take anything not allowed in his room in there. You will have to follow him 24/7 and you will feel like you are punishing yourself but stick to it. Also give him love and make him earn his rewards. Set aside time to talk about his day and ask about his feelings. Everyone needs love and sometimes it’s just a feeling of no boundaries/ love that makes kids act out. Also put him in a sport. Keep him busy and out of trouble.
Take him to a counselor
Psychiatrist!!! They help with issues we never knew our kids had!
Well if he gets presents now, hes won and knows he will get his way. Sounds like he has ODD which can be serious and dangerous. May want to see a doctor.
Stick to the punishment. He deserves nothing this Christmas. My older kids have been complete assholes and dont deserve shit. I told them everything under the tree for them is gone. Either going to kids that can behave or being donated
Stick to your word . It’s going to be hard . Be ready for the backlash. Don’t ever make threats you can carry out . Try eating at table as a family and getting a routine may help.
Stick to your decision! Don’t waiver. He needs to know there are consequences to him behavior. Every action has a reaction!!! Hope it gets better!
Vaccine rage? What are you feeding him? What chemicals is he being exposed to?
Santa shouldn’t be used to dole out punishments … Parents punish. Tell him he can’t play with his toys that Santa brings till he act rights…but pushing Santa into punishments is lazy
Yeah being nice and “love techniques” isnt going to work. Be hard on him. Take stuff away. Ground him. Spank him. This new age stuff doesnt work. Go old school
What kind of CRAPPY person would laugh at this? I agree with others have your baby see a therapist or psychiatrist. He is acting out for a reason. Also try some more one on one time. Kids act out when looking for love and attention. I wish you the best!!
Clean up his room and everything you pick up put into a garbage bag. Let him EARN his stuff back with good behavior and doing chores
You’re doing the right thing at least, sticking by your word. In the meantime, maybe consult his pediatrician or a therapist and have him be able to talk to someone.
First; sounds like your son May have some mental health issues possibly ODD, DMDD or something along those lines, please seek diagnoses and counseling for him.
Second: I have a 12 year old with some very similar issues and he’s on the spectrum. You really do need to stand your ground. You are the only example of keeping your word and if you cave in your boundaries and your word/discipline he wins and you’re allowing him to disrespect you
This is so hard much easier said than done. But I promise you aren’t alone there are other mamas who are fighting these same battles. Prayers for you and your family.
Stick to your guns on the no santa thing and see a therapist when his next birthday rolls around and if hes doing better give him the presents then as an extra special thing for good behavior- my opinion always keep your word on what you say you will do
I would give him a chance to earn each gift by doing a good deed , not chore at this point but good deed , helping cook dinner or help sister with something but just tell him at this point it’s all abt what he gives he gets the choice is his . Small not to overwhelming deeds so he has a chance to change the energy , as lo g as they a genuine. You might help prompt him a bit but let it be his choice and then if he doesn’t he has chosen not to receive gifts and it’s not your choice. Tell him he has the power of redemption , and make sure he has the opportunity to have things to offer to do .
You could say wow I could really use some help with dinner or feeding pet or what ever then see where it goes .
Definitely sounds like ODD
Your doing the right thing!!!
Taking away Christmas is an unfair punishment that could make things worse.
my daughter turns 8 next month and isn’t stealing but has got the attitude of an outta control teen sometimes. She doesn’t swear or anything. But breaks all the rules and acts like we are picking on her or singling her out when she gets in trouble. We are working on it. She has always been a really really good kid so she isn’t really used to getting in trouble. YouTube (monitored) and video games make it worse. “Going old school” makes it worse. She is very sensitive and has three sisters. She doesn’t take responsibility for her own actions so it’s always someone else’s fault when she gets in trouble. I have been using “positive parenting solutions” and it has been working really great. Sticking to it and not letting emotions take over is hard but worth it!
Therapy is always something to consider. It can work wonders at a young age. Just getting that outside support is really helpful for some kids.
Just a comment that you are not alone.
And lying to him about there being a Santa Claus isn’t helping. Credulity?
Call his bluff and then make him a therapy appt asap.
If its a change in the last few months you need to see whats happened or a new friend hes around. Usually if they change behavior. Something has happened to influence it.
My 9 year old won’t clean his room and always bad attitude when asked to do chores or just simply help. Nothing I’ve been told or doing has bee working. He is seeing a therapist for this behavior hasn’t helped one bit. ugh Taking away doesn’t help at all either. I took his presents away and told he could earn them back one and time for every chore he did and it worked for a bit
He sounds like he has ADHD and ODD. Imo he needs to see a childs Psychiatrist. Not necessarily meds but def behavior therapy at a minimum. I’m typically against withholding xmas as punishment but in this case, since you’ve exhausted all other options, maybe it’s what he needs. But let me tell you. It will not change the situation. At all. If he does in fact have a mental disorder, it could make matters worse. I’m just telling you from experience. Children with mental disorders aren’t typical kids and dont understand things like typical normal kids. I would def book an app asap w a doctor to get your son help.
You are 10000% doing the right thing. But i would also have him checked by a behavioral specialist.
Have him earn each gift
Stick to your punishment let him know it’s not cool to do that and expect to get things he wants. He needs to earn his gifts. You aren’t taking anything away from him, but if you don’t set boundaries it’s just gonna get worst.
Stick to your guns. He needs to learn and it doesn’t matter if it’s unfair for him to see his sister open presents.
You are doing the right thing. Have you busted his ass? What about taken him to the police station with the stolen items? He has no right to disrespect your husband, you, his sister or your home.
Circumcision trauma? Did you cut him?
I would not take his presents.
Theres something going on
Not all 8 yr old act like that
You shouldnt hold xmas
Therapy-- coping skills
I hope things getter stay postive
You’re doing the right thing!! Continue taking things away, be consistent with consequences. No gifts means no gifts. Leave him a letter from Santa with a candy cane and tell him hopefully he’ll learn to control his behaviors better and be more kind and caring and that will help him get back on the nice list!
I take it this is a public school kid. Not good. The way these kids behave at home and then they get sent to school. Reason being while I’ll never substitute teach ever again.
Yes…take his gifts and when he has a good day give him one. Clear his room of everything but 5 pr of undies and clothes. He needs to sleep in the floor with a sheet and a pillow and every good day he can pick 1 thing to go back into his room. My 14 yr old struggled with his behavior. As a single mom I stripped him of everything.it has worked and he has almost earned it all back.
Get him into something after the holidays that teaches discipline and gives him more structure. My kiddo had her moments of acting out but as soon as we got her into karate it stopped. But stick to your guns no matter what.
Uhhh…find his motivation!!
Do you live local? Wasilla area
This child is 8… Not a teenager…
There is obviously something going on…did this just start within a few months ago… or long time issue…if it just started could be his way of handling the situation…
There’s something seriously wrong in his life or in his brain. Try to get a diagnosis so you can learn how to deal with this. Don’t withhold gifts or affection.
Sounds like my nephew, who has adhd and odd. Counselling would be the way to go. I’m sorry you’re having to stick to the no presents deal though. In your shoes my heart would be breaking too. You do need to stick to it. Hang in there.
Asking people advice about your own child won’t get you anywhere. It’s your child you deal with it just like everyone else. A doctor is a good place to start.
It’s sounds like something more is going on that maybe you both aren’t aware of. Possibly bullying at school or somebody being mean to him or hurting him while you aren’t around. He’s angry about something and he’s lashing out at home where he knows it’s safe to do so. 8 year olds don’t typically do the things he’s doing. You should absolutely get him set up with a therapist and get him involved in karate or something similar where he can get out some of the aggression and learn self control, self defense and respect. I honestly don’t think him not getting any presents is a good idea, he will just get more angry and thats just super harsh to do so to a child. Maybe give him the gifts but if he continues to act out then take them away for a certain amount of time and let him earn them back. Kids don’t just act out for no reason at that age, try to think of it that way and try your best to figure out what’s going on and help him rather than punishing him for his reaction to whatever is going on.
Stop babying his b.u.t.t.
Take everything out of his room and make him stay there. If he wants food he eats in the kitchen. If he doesnt wash his dishes and pick up. He will get every toy given to a new child. Electronics out the window
Have him evaluated by a child psychologist and maybe do BMT
Belt always worked. He’ll straighten up real quick. And for those of you that say its wrong… oh well. I’d rather take care of the issue now before the kid becomes a serious problem. Cops, jail and drugs.
Sounds to me like he needs to see a behavioral health Dr. good luck momma!
I’ve read enough “should I withhold Christmas from my kid as punishment” questions on here that I’m wondering how you discipline without taking the opportunity to ruin a holiday from your child.
Were you ever a kid??? If your mother ruined Christmas because she didn’t find a way to communicate with you before the holidays, would you evvvvvverrrrr change your behavior or would you find new and interesting ways to resent her??
What are you doing???
This attitude isn’t about Christmas and you are the parent!! Suck it up!! Make the holiday as good of a memory as you can as its in your control. Don’t be cheap! And I don’t mean money!!! I mean don’t take this opportunity to “discipline” your kid now just because the holiday presented itself. Be a parent and discipline your child consistently and with every opportunity so your not asking a bunch of randos who do t have to deal with the consequences, if you should ruin the holiday for the kid just cuz you can!
Take everything away from him except his bed,let him earn each thing back. Also see what is going on at school etc.
Christmas gifts are a privilege not a right.
I agree with taking him to therapy. Get his pediatrician involved and they can help direct you to get any of the assessments he needs. The more knowledge you have, the more you can help your child. My son has ADHD, SPD, anxiety and possible autism. With all the right help and going to several therapies a week, he’s an amazing little boy. His school adores him. He is kind, loving and very polite. We still have our struggles. Punishment is not the only thing going on. Your son needs help and underneath his behavior, he is screaming for help.
I would take him to a therapist. If this isn’t his usual behavior, then something is making him behave this way. Fomd out what it is. I personally would let him have Santa presents.
Keep putting up with shit from cancer and then will keep giving you shit put your foot in his ass
Take everything out of his room. When he’s hungry he eats at the table. His clothes go in the laundry baskets. If they don’t get in the laundry basket he wares dirty clothes. I wouldn’t let him have any tv or electronics of any kind. You might want to have a police officer come & talk to him too. Sometimes they can scare them enough. If that doesn’t work take him to visit a juvenile home (one of my friends did that and scared the crap out of him). Also a good ol’ fashion belt across the ol’ ass never hurt any kids. An as far as presents. I wouldn’t give him any. Tough love is the hardest thing to do. But if y’all don’t take care of it now. What’s he going to be like at 10,11,12? Better nip it in the butt while he is still young
It is time for a whooping
You need to take your child to a therapist, and go to one yourself. He is 8 years old, nothing is his fault. You need to get to the bottom of what’s happening with him. I totally agree that an 8 year old shouldnt be behaving this way, my son is 8 and he is the total opposite… there’s clearly something up with him and it should be dealt with, and not by not giving him anything for Christmas. Or taking his bedroom door off…
Some of these responses are crazy, he is 8 years old! A lot of young adults had to spend years recovering from their childhood because of the way they were treated growing up. Many have anxiety and depression and hate their parents and everybody wonders why… KIDS DONT ACT OUT FOR NO REASON. You have to make sure he’s not acting this way in response to something traumatic that he’s dealing with or he may have ADD or ODD and he’s literally unable to control it. Parents should be their safe space, be supportive and love them through the times that they struggle too. Please don’t beat your child or take away Christmas…
What is with parents wanting to take Christmas away from their kids??? So inappropriate! If your kid is acting out so horribly, then you need to take a look at your parenting! Get some help & seek out some parenting classes! Consistency, structure, and nurturing go a long way in raising children!
You arent doing the right thing fyi. Truamtizing your kids with christmas is shit
Is he acting out in school? Is he having a problem with some of his classmates? Talk with his teachers and see if there are problems in school as well as at home. I f there is, maybe he is being influenced by the wrong crowd.If not, then I agree with the others who say to have him evaluated. Maybe this is his cry for help.
I personality don’t believe in the “naughty or nice” labelling.
My son has mod/severe anxiety. So he has many many moments of naughty CHOICES but we don’t label HIM by his choices. Cuz everyone can always make better choices. So we just encourage him to keep trying.
So even tho I’ve threatened to remove Christmas, I never would.
Cuz HE isn’t naughty, his choices are.
We, as the adults, just have to help them choose better choices.
But I’d be having him assessed. To see if the behaviour is a choice or a reaction to an imbalance.
He may not be able to help himself… then getting punished for the behaviour he can’t control. That’s sad.
So ya. I wouldn’t be removing Christmas. But id be explaining that santa understands that tomorrow is another day and he has faith that he can make better choices. That he,himself, isn’t naughty. Only his choices.
I have an idea… It goes along the same lines as what some have suggested… Mind you I simply glanced over the comments so if I am repeating someone else, then I am sincerely sorry…
Start by ~ cleaning his room, I do me you and his father; bag up all of his stuff EXCEPT his clothes, socks, shoes, coats, gloves, underwear and stuff he needs for school. Leave all school relegated Items out, and all basic needs. Set the other bags with his stuff in them in your room. Now the Christmas stuff ~ Take ALL of his gifts and wrap them. Place every single gift from Santa, You/His Father, Any gifts sent from family, friends etc PUT THEM ALL IN THE BAG.
On Christmas morning let your son find ONE ITEM under the tree for him: A Letter from Santa,
Have the letter read something to the effect of ~ (your child’s name here),
I wrote to you before Christmas and asked that you behave, & more importantly change the attitude, stop with the acts of theft, attempts of physical violence against your Mom, Dad and family ~ I asked you to do these things not just to ensure I left gifts for you ~ but also and most importantly because being kind, loving and selfless is what this time of year is about! I made it clear that if I didn’t see a positive change that I would be unable to leave you gifts, I will not reward bad behaviors. I stopped at your house tonight and left gifts for your sister, and I ran into your Mom and Dad, they knew J wasn’t going to leave you gifts because I am very sad that I didn’t see a difference in your behaviors. I started to leave and your Mom started crying softly and said “Santa, I know he hasn’t been the best behaved boy this year, and I wish I could have done more to help, he won’t talk to me and tell me why he is so upset, and angry all the time! He is a good boy overall Santa!!! I know you have seen it! He has a good heart and I know if he wakes up and there’s nothing under the tree for him it will break his heart, and I do not like the way he has been acting, and I know he doesn’t deserve another chance but please Santa is there anything else I can do to convince you leave him something this year?” I asked your Mom “What do you WANT for Christmas (moms name here)?” Do you know what your Mom said? She said with tears flowing down her cheeks “I want my daughter and my son to have a happy Christmas, I want them safe, warm, loved, I want them grateful for all they have and more than that I want my children to show the whole world how kind, and wonderful they are. I want their smiles Santa, I want happy loving smiles, that’s it”
I thought king and hard (your sons name here) and the truth is ~ if your Mom hadn’t asked, if your Mom hadn’t cried, if your Mom hadn’t said the magic Christmas Phrase I wouldn’t offer this to you… Your mother has tried to help you, and so has your father and even though you have been acting mean, and stealing, even though you should not receive anything because it doesn’t seem as though you deserve rewards your Mom still only wants YOU to have a happy day. Here is what I am giving your Mother for Christmas.
Your mother, father, My elves and Myself ~ have placed all of your wrapped gifts in these bags (make sure he sees the bags) every single gift. You may not open them on Christmas Day, nor Christmas Night. If you wish to have these gifts, everyday you will behave, there will be not theft, you may not hit, kick or scratch others. Your room will be cleaned every day, your bed made and this way it must stay! The chores you are given will be done without a fight ~ for every day your goodness, your kindness and your love shoes through? One gift will be given and opened for you!
For everyday you misbehave from tomorrow on? One gift will be taken, wrapped the same, and given to a child who has less than you, who’s Christmas wasn’t lost because they didn’t behave, no their Christmas was lost because they had no home, their bellies are empty more often than not, they can not go to school despite their deepest wants. The choice is yours.
1 gift for every great day, is your to keep. For every bad day? Your gifts will be given to children in need ~ and while you may weep ~ you had your chance…
Maybe word it different but do you get the idea?
I personally this his behavior should be medically evaluated. He’s got some sort of issues that he can’t deal with. He’s only 8 and may not even understand why he’s even acting out.
I wouldn’t have withheld Christmas from him. Again, he’s 8 and may not understamd what’s going on.
Make an appointment. I get talking to him and such, but I wouldn’t punish him so harshly for something he might not be able to control.
Not giving him presents is NOT the answer. Using a scare tactic with the police is also NOT the answer. Get him involved in activities with other kids. Y’all to a counselor. Spank him.