Find a play therapist! It really is amazing what an outside, unbiased person can do to bring perspective and ultimately help them work through their frustrations. You family pediatrician may be able to help you find someone.
1 Like
Christmas isnt about gifts. It is about being there for those you love; tough love or not.
Its a god damned privilege to get gifts in general. So, i support sticking to your guns.
I also recommend seeing a mental health facility on getting therapy and such started
Your doing the right thing what else can you do because your right if you don’t do what you said you’d do he won’t take you seriously and he wins
3 Likes
Stick to your plan mom.
I understand your frustrations. Please reread your post. You make this 8 year old sound like a little terror. A power struggle is going on and your child is suffering. He is only 8. He is not your enemy. He is way too angry there has to be a reason. Refuse to be pulled into this power struggle. You are responsible for a roof over his head, food in his tummy, and clothes on his back. Once these are covered, back off and dont make threats or show anger. He needs to talk to you and you must listen. Presents for christmas and santa as the whipping boy create a very lose, lose situation. I agree you may need outside therapy. But please stop ganging up on your child.
1 Like
Time for a good old fashion hickey wooping
3 Likes
Talk to his doctor asap,and get him in therapy.Something is very wrong,that is not just being a boy,or a child.He may be depressed,have other mental problems,etc
1 Like
Well you can help him clean his room??? My mom always helped me and made me proud of what my room looked like. Let him pick the theme. Maybe have him talk to a child psychologist. Maybe somewhere down the line he needs one on one time with his parents… I’m sorry your going through this… keep ur head up
2 Likes
Let him open the gifts, and instantly take them all away and let him earn them back through good behaviour. The Santa story won’t work forever.
2 Likes
Oh my god what is with parents thinking taking away presents will help! Jesus Christ what’s wrong with you.
3 Likes
Okay. So to me it sounds like your son needs to be evaluated. His emotions and behaviors seem beyond his years. There has got to be an underlying cause to his issues.
Hanging Christmas over a child’s head is a BS way of trying to fix a child. It is a short term deal and you’re failing to teach your child about the reason for the season.
Get your child to a therapist.
2 Likes
Dont do that to him. It will kill the sibling and you and your husband. My husband wasn’t given a stocking because he accidentally set his bedroom on fire when he was 7 and his six siblings did get one but He got gifts. I d let Santa leave them a note saying that Jesus says we have to forgive so you forgive him and let Santa say he knows there is a good boy in there somewhere and he believes that we will see that in the new year. God loves you mommy and daddy love you and Santa believes that that beautiful boy that everyone loves so much is going to make an appearance. Give mommy and daddy a hug and tell them you love them and we will wipe the slate clean. Then don’t give the bad behaviour any attention. My daughter does this and then he will slowly come around and not say anything and then she says I’m sorry you’re having a bad day do you need a hug? works every time. Could something have happened to him at school or elsewhere That He can’t put into woRds? Please don’t go Through with withholding his gifts that will be absolute torture on all of you. Maybe helped a talk with him before bed and tell him to say a prayer and that you’re sure God and santa will hear
3 Likes
Never WITHHOLD PRESENTS FROM YOUR KID ON CHRISTMAS. How fucked. Hes being a KID. Kids do that
Yes def know it’s hard but being lax at holidays no excuse if stealing does it when older law not gonna say ok it’s Xmas time parent 24/7
2 Likes
You’re doing everything you can, and you’re doing your best at it maybe watching his sister open her presents when he doesn’t get any will get something through his head about his behavior don’t listen to others about your parenting style there is nothing wrong with taking away a privilege when a child won’t listen. Keep you’re head up because you’re doing your best!
Counselling and therapy, do not take Christmas away ever…
1 Like
Put at least one from mom and dad but not what ased Santa for
1 Like
I think killing tbe Christmas spirit for a child isnt proper punishment!!! Seek counseling with him and for him!! There’s clearly something going on!!
3 Likes
Maybe he has ADHD or a defiant disorder he needs to see a doctor
3 Likes
Wow…hes 8…does he have mental health issues? Adhd anxiety depression? Holding christmas is kinda harsh esp if other children around…
2 Likes
Is he getting bullied
Or abused
He is 8 come on be a parent how did he steel if you we’re watching the problem is you!! People want kids then want them to be responsible come on do your job be a parent road model love them let them be kids!!
You need to bring him to a psychiatrist and soon. Not allowing him Christmas will probably make things worse on all of you and he will probably completely ruin Christmas for everyone, he needs the kind of help you can’t give him. There is something going on with him that goes far beyond just being a brat if he’s stealing and becoming violent. You should never withhold birthday, Christmas, or any other holiday gift he’s got to learn how to behave with or without those things. Whole family counseling will help too. But definitely get him to Good Psychiatrist ( not psychologist) and soon, before it’s too late. I really wish you the best♥️
5 Likes
Sounds like he’s reaching out the way children do sometimes,maybe try spending more time with him with more hugs and laughs.Children are very resilient and with a little patience patience maybe he’ll open up to you…
2 Likes
I’m feeling a bit sad for this kid. Something is a mis.,Please don’t take his Christmas away, but do explain right from wrong, and definitely seek help from a good Therapist. You will be rewarded in the future… only my opinion!
5 Likes
I’m assuming he wants his presents in the morning. He needs to clean his room before he gets them. If he refuses, make him take the biggest box and ‘throw it away’. Keep going down until he gets the message.
Take him in. My twins were like this and the Dr said they should have been diagnosed with ADHd and properly medicated. I went years trying to figure out the reasoning for their behavior
3 Likes
It’s sad not to do presents but it could be an eye opener that the great awesome Santa didn’t think he was worthy of gifts
2 Likes
Stick to your words. No gifts.
Ass is attached to that brain bust his ass
You are doing the right thing. If this doesn’t work. Carry him to the police station and see if they will lock him up for a little bit show him what can happen if he keeps stealing. I had a family member to do that to their kid once and I tell you it scared them straight.
1 Like
- I think an evaluation is needed. My son has severe ADHD and mild ODD…and the behaviors you’re describing fit him to a T…especially before his diagnosis/treatment.
- I personally would let him open the presents BUT make EARN them to be allowed to play with them.
- I’d also maybe try a stringent rewards system going forward. Make him earn his privileges (not just rewards).
- Don’t make a threat unless you’re 100% willing and able to follow through.
5 Likes
Stick to your word. Your trying your best that’s all you can do. My dad was very strict when I had a messy room and didn’t want to clean it it started with groundings and as that didn’t work, he removed everything from my room anything on the floor went into a garbage bag and out the door (I didn’t know but he hid it all in the garage) other then my bed and dresser harsh but it worked… for the food thing… make a rule in place so that no food in room only at table. If he doesn’t want to listen to that you could always remove all “snack items” from pantry and store somewhere else so he doesn’t have the choice to get what he wants when he wants he needs to ask
Tear his ass clean off of him. Wimpy parents are the reason prisons are full!
He needs a good Caribbean cutass. Doh hate me lmao
4 Likes
Have you tried slapping the shit out of him? How does an eight year old destroy his room? What did he do? Have you had him evaluated ? Yes, no presents this year sadly but that’s on him.
Bust his ass. Stop letting him have everything. Run your house like a boot camp.
Have you tried spending time with him, each parent take a few hours a week with him to just take a walk or drive or play something with him. Real quality time with your focus on him no phones etc… Try calmly sitting I. His room and helping him clean with no judgement about what you find just modeling the behavior you want to see in him. Help him out it all together and organize no negative talk be positive. Get councilng as well to help the whole family learn how to work together more effectively.
I would say take him to a therapist and have him evaluated as far as the gift giving I would say stick to your words. Do not reward bad behavior. He will be fine! But definitely take him to a therapist.
3 Likes
I also agree you have to stick to your word. See if you can get him to earn some gifts from Santa. Like a letter in his stocking that says if he finishes a few simple chores and apologizes for his behavior etc he can have his gifts.
1 Like
Have you tried monitoring his behavior after certain food intake?
Diet can effect children tremendously.
My 3 year old will exhibit extreme ADHD behavior after consuming foods with artificial food coloring… for days after.
3 Likes
Have him evaluated for oppositional defiant disorder . ODD . My son has this and started around age 8 .
1 Like
Also watch your kid in the store and he w0uldnt be able to steal. When shopping children should stay with the parents !!
1 Like
Let him have Xmas and don’t let him 0lay with the stuff
1 Like
Why not get a police officer to visit and have a serious talk to him maybe a visit to a centre for bad boys might wake him up… something like this may scare him enough to wise up …but there again it could be something deeper than that. What is happening in school is he being bullied by someone …just a thought …
3 Likes
As a child of a parent who took away birthdays, holidays, and privacy(i.e. forcing me to sleep in the living room when I had a room or removing my bedroom door) it never did anything. I never changed that behavior until I was older and I wanted to, because I resented my parent for that. I didn’t respect them. I didn’t want to behave for them. I felt hated and unwelcome in my own home much of the time. Making your kid afraid of you, or treating your child as less than a person, you are not disciplining them. You are attempting to strip them of the fact that they are a person too, and in the end it has the opposite affect than the one you want it to.
4 Likes
I would definitely stick to your word. Definitely make an appointment with a therapist also. My middle daughter had ADD, ODD, CBD(combative behavior disorder), bipolar and a few other diagnosis. I had to put her on a FINS (families in need of services) with the court. He would have to answer to the court for his behavior. The majority of her behaviors started around eight, she was 14 when I got the Fins. Had been seeing a therapist since she was 6. She ended up having to go long term (8months) in a behavior hospital. You need to try to nip his behavior in the bud or it’s only gonna get worse. I wouldn’t wish anyone to go through the things I’ve been through with my daughter. It gets worse before it gets better. She’s now a 21 yr old mother of two. She’s came a long way but honestly, it took her having kids to to open her eyes to all the things she did to me n her sisters( one older, one younger). She was verbally and physically abusive to all of us. I’ll be praying for yall. Stand by your word. Make a chore list with EVERYONE’S ( including …you n dad) names on it. Make small, tangible rewards, make the punishment fit the crime. My daughter back talked n she had to do push ups or situps 10 to start with and an additional 10 if she kept mouthing off. Toys in floor get put in time out and he can earn them back(rewards chart) no food in bedroom, period. Rules have to go for entire family. Hope this helps.
4 Likes
It’s almost as if … you can’t punish kids into not doing normal kid things and should teach them and explain their feelings and appropriate reactions and reassure them instead 
1 Like
That’s right let’s all parent bash! No matter what we’re here to support, encourage and help each other! Stop being so judgemental.
2 Likes
I think he needs to visit a doctor and be evulated. I think these behaviours could possibly be something else rather then just a child being naughty
1 Like
Wow, I can’t believe this is even an option of punishment for an EIGHT YEAR OLD! You should be ashamed of yourself. You can punish him 364 other days of the year. Sorry but you will find no support from me.
3 Likes
Hope u and ur hubby are okay! Maybe talk to the doctor’s after the holidays are finished or maybe have a chat to him after he has calm down and it suxz that his doing this has no respect for u guys hope use get it sorted so use got a happy home again 
Give him a good backhand
5 Likes
Get him in to see a doctor. It sounds like he has explosive disorder. I went through this with my youngest to the point that he was kicking me and calling me a fucking bitch in front of a physicist. He ended up having to be medicated.
Let him have Christmas. Santa isn’t real and he’s going to find out sooner rather than later with the way this world is. Then he’ll put two and two together that YOU took away his Christmas not some made up character and it’ll break him of any trust he had left of you. He needs love. Love him hard even on the worst days.
Me i would get a belt n give him an ass whipping .
This is Christmas ,and he is 8 . Lighten up ,get the holidays over with and get him in to your Doctor . Dont make him hate Christmas !
1 Like
I would take him to a specialist. For that big of a change their is something very wrong.
1 Like
At his age he understands cause and effect. He knows that when you do something bad you get punished. Get him to a therapist but I think you’re doing the right thing. If he were a few years younger I would say still give him Christmas but bad boys who know they are being bad shouldn’t get gifts. I’m sure it’s going to be heartbreaking watching him on Christmas morning get sad because he has no gifts but it’s a lesson he needs. You’re doing the right thing. Santa gives good kids gifts not bad kids.
3 Likes
You need to have him assessed. Immediately.
2 Likes
I’d give him one gift from us not santa. He needs professional help since it’s way over your head. Do I rly sooner than later
1 Like
I hear you about the behavior, but help me out with some information…
Such as:
Has there been a recent move, a new sibling, a death in the family…?
Is anything going on at school…?
Have you talked with his teachers, asked a guidance counselor to take some time alone with him…?
Always check on whatever outside forces could be invading his sense of peace and security BEFORE you look within.
Children don’t have the communication skills needed to properly explain what is going on inside, so do all you can to be sure there’s nothing there.
Even check his diet and be sure he is getting all his nutritional needs met, along with a thorough checkup from the doctor.
Going forward, so long as there’s nothing else, is when I’d get him in to see a good counselor AND get a psych evaluation.
Meds should always be your LAST resort, not the first.
A good parenting class could also give you great strategies which may be helpful to know about consistency and appropriate punishments.
These classes can help you “think outside the box” when it comes to making the punishment “fit” the crime.
Last, but NOT least…
Do not ever forget to use positive reinforcement when you “catch” him doing something right.
It is easy to get in a rut and realise later on that you were focusing too much on the battle, and not the hurting child within.
3 Likes
There is something more going on. Have your family doc recommend you to someone. It could be a misplace that needs meds. Or just counseling. Fix it before he is a teen. Remember he is just a child.
Maybe counceling in order for family
Get a referral from a GP to see a paediatrician. So sorry to hear you’re going through a hard time with him
I can’t believe some of the responses… He’s being a shit. 8 is old enough to know what good behavior looks like. Stop making excuses for bad behavior. And parent your children every day not only when it suits. You do what you think you need to do for your family. There will be Christmas next year if he behaves…
No, not the right thing. That’s pretty horrendous.
Have you looked into WHY he’s behaving this way? Is there o going conversation about right and wrong?
Is he getting time for him? Special time where he’s not being yelled at?
2 Likes
I’m guessing he’s acting out BECAUSE of “all manner of punishments”
at 8 they need guidance more than consequence.
ahaparenting.com <-great articles here
2 Likes
Considering santa aint real … But if you go that route…tell him krumpus gonna snatch his ass. Thats what happens to bratty kids. And the one who said kids arent bad…you never watched kid killers and it shows
Good luck baby girl. I know how hard it is when you have literally tried everything & nothing works. It’s horrible. My son was diagnosed with odd, ADHD, & bipolar. The medicine helped a little bit, but there’s nothing they can do for odd. Sending prayers & hugs your way. Good luck sweetie
1 Like
Permanent damage, think twice.
I think therapy, STAT! This poor little boy feels his life is out of control (food hoarding, locks, general nasty behavior). And the more you punish him, the more control he loses in a vicious cycle.
Talk to the pediatrician and a counselor/therapist about the most effective treatments. Be sure he knows you dislike the behavior but still love him.
Some of this may be impulse control that he just can’t manage, and all the negative attention has him believing he’s doomed to always be the “bad boy,” so why even try when you are going to fail?
Let him know he is capable by praising him when he does behave, and let him know life gets better. Have a chore chart with many things he can easily accomplish (woke up without too much of a fuss, went to bed on time, brushed teeth, got dressed, ate dinner without complaining) so he can earn gold stars as a visual reminder he IS capable of behaving well.
Do you help him to do tasks, teaching him efficient ways to accomplish things? Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes for stuff he doesn’t want to do. Provide a small reward and a short fun break, then set the timer again to do 5-10 more minutes of a task. Or set up a round robin of chores, where you do 5-10 minutes of one thing (pick up toys), then switch to another task (helping clean the kitchen), then another (put clothes away), for a few minutes each. Play different music for each chore, when the song is over, go to the next thing. Keep rotating until the work is done. If you help each other with chores (he can help you with yours, which gives him adulting skills) & add dance moves as you go from room to room it makes for great bonding time. Let him pick at least some of the music.
Talk to the school about how he behaves there & if they have any recommended strategies.
These are all signs of a hurting little boy who can’t cope. I know he drives y’all crazy (I had an ADHD/ODD child), but believe me, he is hurting worse than you are.
Be sure he has lots of opportunity for robust physical activity. It does help, and keep the days and weeks structured so he can anticipate what’s next and do things eventually by muscle memory so he doesn’t stress over uncertainty.
Good luck parents! It is exhausting but it will get better! If your son does have ADHD, he could be smarter & more creative than normal too.
2 Likes
Do it teach him a lesson. People saying it’s too harsh don’t know what it’s like to live the real world. Babied their whole life and prolly still babied thru adulthood. If my son was slamming doors in my face 8 or 15 I wouldn’t be giving him any presents:woman_shrugging:t2:
gotta teach kids to have respect not be entitled just cuz it’s Christmas sorry bud the day isn’t about you anyways:woman_shrugging:t2:
2 Likes
Sounds like ADH, bring him in for a child study. They will recommend a therapist!
1 Like
Turn him over your knee and let loose on him.why are you asking what to do when you know what to do.
3 Likes
Take him to a shrink !
There seems to be deeper issues get so.e counseling. Ck out vitamins might be a deficiency dont give up
1 Like
Sounds like he’s seeking attention and he’s getting it by misbehaving. Show him love (more love) and seek counseling.
My son is 8, guess what? There’s wrappers in his room, garbage in general and dirty plates. My son leaves his dirty clothes everywhere. Sounds like a typical 8 yr old boy to me. Have you tried sitting down with him and talking to him and ASKING what’s wrong? Asking if school is going ok? Asking if he’s being bullied? We are so quick to “shut kids down” and chalk their feelings up to being “bad” or naughty when in reality he may be dealing with some stuff HE can’t even explain? How is he supposed to explain or voice things to you when there’s no one to listen? Cut this kid some slack and take it back to GENTLE parenting 101 AND SIMPLY ASK HIM WHATS GOING ON because you give a shit and are his parent.
He probably has something bad happened he’s hiding
If this isn’t usual I’d be very suspicious of something horrible happening
I can’t say I am the best. but my children do respect me and the family. I grew up in a very abusive atmosphere. So I don’t believe in yelling or hitting. My way of punishment is for to make them listen and understand why Iam telling you no. Because I love you and I don’t want you to hurt your self. Have you explain to him that if food is left in the room and it gets old It can make him sick. I put them in a chair In the middle of the room and I talk In A normal tone until they can talk back the same. I never send The room. I kick them out of the room they are not allowed to go to the room not even to get close they can. Get dressed in bathroom. When you send to room. You are telling them you don’t want nothing to do with them. And they don’t care. But this present thing is not OK you never put them down in front of people. You are supposed to be there teacher.
I have a daughter that is now 15 and has been acting the same way since about the same age. Was on ADHD meds,
3 diff therapists, training for me to be a better parent… nothing has worked to cure the issues but it has gotten better. I see nothing wrong with withholding gifts. If he hasn’t earned them then he doesn’t get them. He can still be part of what the day is really supposed to be about!
I wish you the best and hope things come around.
2 Likes
So what’s going on at home? He didn’t just magically become this way. What’s going on in his life that he is unruly? Is he stressed? Does he have consequences? Boundaries? Does he get rewards?
1 Like
I just dont think the magic of santa ought to be part of a disciplinary effort. He obviously has issues he needs help with. And I’d ssf suggest counseling for you, and family sessions.
You are doing the right thing. Stick to your guns. Get him into the dr and a counselor. I would take everything out of his room except bed and bedding. Each week he behaves (no hitting, no kicking, no throwing etc) he earns back 1 item. Every night before bed (I suggest an hour before because it’s not going to go well at 1st!) Go in and make sure clothes are picked up
2 Likes
Therapy? He sounds like he is out of control. If you’ve been consistent with him a therapist may be able to help determine why he is acting out in so many ways.
I think you’re doing the right thing by sticking to your guns. You can’t reward bad behavior otherwise it’ll never stop and in the long run, that’ll be horrible for him. Just continue doing what you feel is best for him and ask for for guidance and strength. It’s probably hurting you more than your son, but just remember, there’s a reason for everything and God will never put more on you than what you can handle. It’ll pass. Just have faith.
I’ll say a prayer for you & your family and I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!
Good luck to you…🙋
4 Likes
Stick to your guns mOm. When he hits spank him. Do it at home before someone outside your home that doesn’t love him does it. Keep your word make him understand the consequences are to teach him to be better
8 Likes
What you are suggesting is just going to increase his anger toward you. If you MUST withhold gifts, only withhold Santa presents, not Mom or Dad presents. Your child needs to know that your gifts are from love and you will ALWAYS love him. He may be acting out because of bullying or other problems or it could be because of dietary issues. Blood sugar irregularities can cause behavior problems, allergies can also cause issues. Medical issues need to be addressed immediately and counseling can work wonders. While you are working for a solution, let him know that your love knows no bounds but you are still expecting a certain level of behavior from him. Most of all, pray for guidance. hugs and best wishes!
12 Likes
I had to gonso far with 1 of my 3 kids as to call the police on him. I understand being at your wits end. If he keeps stealing take him to the police dept and have the sherriff do an intervention with him. Maybe thia will help. And on my opinion id at least go to a stocking and have “Santa” say that he thinks he has redeeming qualities and in the new year and even the following weeks that he can show that he is no tr a bad kid just making fooliah choices.
I think you’re doing the right thing. Stay consistent and let him know that his behavior is unacceptable. If the stealing continues, take him back to the place he stole from and tell them to call the police and press charges. He has to learn that actions have consequences. I had problems with my oldest son when he was about 11(he’s 20 now). One time he absolutely destroyed my living room. Broke a lamp, threw my printer and busted it, house plants were thrown around the house… you name it, he probably did it. I finally had enough and called the cops. They assessed the damages and said it’s enough to arrest him. I didn’t press charges but he finally realized that he CAN be arrested even as a child. He’s much older now and an amazing young man. Be consistent but make sure to let him know that you and your husband love him but his actions and words hurt your heart. Like others have said too, maybe look into counseling. There may be some underlying issues he doesn’t want to talk about. Good luck and God bless
2 Likes
Stick to your guns, you can’t go back now. He will learn the hard way, let him watch his sister open gifts it won’t kill him
Get him into counseling too you need some outside help
5 Likes
This sounds like a disorder. I would definately seek professional advice. I have taken a lot of psychology classes. This behavior is the icing on the cake. Need to do some discovery to see what the issue is here. Can be a chemical imbalance. Can be food. Can be bowels. A bunch of different things. Be kind. Be patient. And limit anything that is a stimulant.
6 Likes
Is he violent toward your daughter? If so, him seeing her open presents might make that worse. I’m a tough love parent too, and would agree with what has been said about Parent presents vs Santa presents, and definitely also recommend counseling. So many factors can be attributed to this behavior.
1 Like
i think it is time to talk to your childs dr. and maybe get him to an other type of dr… there maybe some medical issues… Get him sbd your family some help, and your going to make him feel even worse about himself about Christmas…and he will get worse…instead of enphisizig on the Negitive, enphisize on the positve… no matter how small it is…
1 Like
Clean his room out with everything Even the sheets on his bed Leave just his bed. And tell him he has to earn everything back. And if you have to get rid of toys and show him you are
1 Like
Honestly I went through this with my kids and I didn’t stick to my guns when push came to shove and I’ve paid dearly I have 1 who is doing great now but he ended up on probation from his own bad decisions and mine he is also no polar odd and adhd for not dealing with it sooner and the other who is younger who had a lot of behavioral struggles exactly like your son stealing hitting throwing things around Ed 11 and adhd odd middle now that they are older and I deal with them by sticking to my decisions and talking to my kids about everything sticking to your guns is the best decision you can make along with structure therapy and if necessary medication and support groups help as well your doing the right thing be open honest with him and he will come around I can send you a link to one of the support groups I’m apart of if you’d like
Take the toys away and if his clothes are dirty on the floor, well then he’ll have nothing to wear. Sure he’ll probably wear his dirty clothes(let him) and kids might point little things out. Tough love never killed anyone, do it and it will get better. Stay persistent and don’t show any weakness.
8 Likes
Too much sugar and red food dye can cause severe behavior issues. Also, try wrapping empty boxes and when he acts up throw them away. You could also take him to a therapist and try to find out what may be causing his behavior.
3 Likes