My almost ex and I are disagreeing on how to lay our son to rest, help!?

Never divorced and we have kids together. Our divorce was going to be this year as our youngest turned 18. Unfortunately he passed away.

My dilemma is, his current girlfriend has 3 under age kids and wants his body cremated and be split in 6 different ways. He wasn’t in my kids life due to this girlfriend taking him to another state and completely cut all ties with his moms, sister and everyone. But I on the other hand don’t think it’s right to be split. I want to bury him let him rest.

Please need advise if by burying him is the correct way to go or should he be split?

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Her ex didn’t pass away, their 18 year old son they have together passed away. She wants to bury him and her ex wants to cremate him and give people his ashes

Thanks for clearly it up aprilmcabot, sorry I got confused. If it was my son, I would probably fight my ex and lay my son to rest as I wanted. He wasn’t active in the Childs life so I wouldn’t worry about what he wanted. I think you should lay your son to rest the way you see fit.

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If it were me I would do it how I wanted too. If he wasn’t active in the childs lives then I feel like he doesn’t get a say.

Why does the gf have any say? She’s the reason he wasn’t in his sons life!! Tell her to take her opinion and shove it where the sun don’t shine.

As far as the ex hubby goes his opinion shouldn’t matter either cause if he cared for his son he would have stayed active in his life prior to his death even if y’all weren’t together. And since he wasn’t he can shove his opinion as well. He wants to see his son resting fine he can go wherever you decide to lay him to rest. Gif gf kids don’t need none of his remains if he was again not in their lives.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My almost ex and I are disagreeing on how to lay our son to rest, help!?

I wouldn’t split and burry him. Splitting it up just sounds disrespectful and wrong. And if he wasn’t even in his life he has no right to ask such a thing. He chose a women over his son. And she had NO right to even ask you do that. Like WTF

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I’m sorry, why are you even Discussing or acknowledging what the girlfriend wants to do with your son’s body.

I would put her directly back in her place where she and her unwanted opinion on this matter belong.

If your ex was barely even involved up until your son passed away, I would tell him him and his opinion can stay with his little girlfriend where he chose to run off to.

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You need to do what is right for you and only you no matter what anyone says about it

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His current girlfriend has no legal opinion 🤷

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Lay him to rest and everyone can visit. No need to split him. So sorry for your loss :blue_heart:

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I wouldn’t split. I’d bury like you said. Lay him to rest and have a place you can all visit him.

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What were his wishes? Do what he wanted.

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I know he was young but sometimes it comes up, did he ever mention a preference while he was here?

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F the girlfriend . Who the hell is she to even have an opinion. I am so sorry for your loss. :sob:

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possession is 9/10 of the law. And what she thinks or what she wants isn’t a factor. his parents are. If you and the father don’t agree, and you are the one with the ashes and paying for it? Neither one of them count. Just saying

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I’d bury him… she is just a gf an the mother of his kids… technically she has no say in it… its the parents decision

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Well if he wasn’t very active in his life then he shouldn’t really have a say. I would say do what you feel your son would have wanted.

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What state are you in? Depending on he state you are in depends on how his remains might be legally handled. Also did dad have any rights to y’all’s son? I personally would push for what YOU want and fuck what dad wants

Do what is right for you
:heart:
Lay him to rest

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None of us can tell you what is right to do. Some families split it so everyone can have some ashes. Some prefer to keep it all in one place, whether cremated or buried …mostly based on religious beliefs. Your son’s soul has already left the body, if that makes a difference. But in the end, I would assume it is the parents’ decision. But I understand you have differing opinions on that. I am sorry… I really have no advice, but I am very sorry for your loss.

Hold on: This is your hubby’s gf you are talking about, not your son’s gf??? F her!! And if he wasn’t in youe son’s life anymore bc of her, it is YOUR decision.

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Lay him to rest
Do what YOU want for your son!

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Bury YOUR son. She is without a doubt irrelevant and has zero say as to what happens with your sons body.

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Is there no possibility for a medium ground? Like have his ashes split but you get 2 so that you can bury one and keep another for say a necklace?

I would say who’s paying for all this?
If it is you, you should have the choice. But if his dad is paying for everything, then he will have the right. But whatever is decided, i am so sorry for your loss

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It doesn’t matter what the girlfriend wants!

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Girlfriend isn’t legal bury him near family

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So sorry for your loss and lay him to rest

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who is the one preparing for the burial, the funeral, the visitation and paying for it? That is the one who COUNTS. SORRY NOT SORRY. He wasn’t involved in his life? He shouldn’t be involved in his death. And the GF can blow smoke up a skirt

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I know if y’all can’t agree the funeral home will make u get a court order of what to do. Happened to parents of a kid I know. They couldn’t agree and they had to get a court order to be decided what to do

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You’re mom, you were there, not your ex… you decide how you want to do things, this girlfriend shouldn’t even be considered. Most importantly, I’m very sorry for your loss :pray:t2:

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Split him 6 ways? So her kids can have a piece of your son??

It is sick for me to even type those words, just NO

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If your paying for the funeral, it’s your choice…his girlfriend should …BUTT OUT!!!

Your his mama, deep down you know what is best. I’m so sorry for you loss. R.I.P Bud. :green_heart:

His current girlfriend should have no say in it…

It was your son and his son… the decision is between the TWO of you only

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Lay him to rest the way you wanna lay him to rest your the mama the girlfriend has no say so its not her son I’m so sorry for your loss

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You brought him into this world you decide how he goes out

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I’m sorry he passed away. Hugs

Why does this girlfriend matter at all???
Lay your boy to rest. Fuck everyone but how you feel. I hope you heal healthy no more drama :sparkles:

Id bury him not cremate him as far as dad goes tell him to stay in the damn state he in since he picked that state over his son sorry for your loss not sorry for my opinion

That’s your child. Tell that ho bye.

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Bury him if that’s what you want. But it’s not the girlfriends fault he wasn’t there. It’s his. He chose to do that.

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Bury him he needs to be layed to rest and im sorry for ur loss

So sorry for your loss! Bury him as you see fit. The girlfriends opinion doesn’t matter and to split him sounds terrible and so disrespectful! Put her in her place and tell her to keep her opinion and 2 cents to herself!

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He is YOUR son. Not hers. Her wishes aren’t even valid. This is between you YOUR family his father and HIS DIRECT family. It needs to be discussed between you and his father not minding her or any other outside contributing factor.

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The girlfriend has NO say……you do!

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You are the mother. Screw the girlfriends opinion of anything. Who does she think she is?! :woozy_face: Sorry for your loss.

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So sorry for your loss. He was your son do what you want to do.

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You’re the mother. Do what you want. Not her!

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Lay him to rest. He doesn’t need to be split :weary:

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I am so sorry for your loss.:sob: praying for you and your childs dad to find peace.

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Never divorced? Girlfriend has no rights.

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WHAT?. How is this even a question? What the fudge does she have to do with it… You was the vessel that brought him into this world. You will be the one who chooses the vessel he moves on in, especially if his father was absent. All my love Mama, sorry for your loss x.

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We went through this exactly when my FIL died and his boys were very very young and once they grew up more they were very upset that they didn’t stand their ground. Those babies won’t ever have a dad pretty much, you had a son for a long time. Let those babies keep a piece of their dad with them!

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:pray:t3::pray:t3::pray:t3::pray:t3: So sorry for your loss :heart:

My personal belief is that a person’s ashes should never be split. I think it prevents the spirit from moving on.

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U do what you want for YOUR son. Tell the chick to mind her business it’s not her child who passed away. She has no say on how u bury ur son.

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By law you and the father have to agree on what to do

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You are his mother. Do what you feel is right for your son and you. I don’t believe in splitting ashes either. I’m terribly sorry for your pain😢

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He’s YOUR son. That’s YOUR choice to make. Not hers. She doesn’t get a say, I would take dads thoughts into consideration but ultimately it’s up to you really and his closest family.

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My very sincerest condolences for your loss, my dear. Ignore this irrelevant woman. She has no position in this. Shows what a terrible person she is to behave like this at such a tragic time. Don’t give her any power. God be with you.

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I’m truly sorry for your loss, my heart aches for you. I hope whatever you decide to do it is YOUR decision with his father and that you feel comfortable with the result xx

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I am sorry for your loss. I would do what you think your son would want.

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You are the parent do what you feel like you should.

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Sorry but his ur son an ur ex should respect ur decision of ur child also. An not his gf in these circumstances.

Gf shouldn’t have any say!

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I could NEVER split my son when he was cremated three years ago. All of him is laid to rest under a tree at my parents. Do what will bring you some peace, mama :heart: I am praying for you!

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His girlfriend can go to hell, DISRESPECTFULLY. Do what YOU want to do and bury your son. It’s RIDICULOUS to even suggest that and his father is a :clown_face: for not checking her a**.

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Do you know what your son’s wishes were ? If you did ashes ad still have them in a mosaleum or somewhere whole and complete with a marker so you and whoever could visit… don’t split them up . But burying is always a good idea but it does cost more

Do what you want it your child. Rest in peace to him. Losing a child sucks. I’ve been there. You do want you think your his mother. Hugs and prayers

so sad reading your dilemma. im a nurse and if i had a nickel for every death ive seen, id have a hundreds of nickels. personally i think of the body as your earthly skin or vessel, once he died his soul left and went elsewhere - thats the important part and the part that comforts me. after death, burial cremation doesnt matter. if he is his father, i cant see rocking the boat right now when everyone is upset and he is likely feeling guilty. if he thinks a few ashes will comfort him, so be it. he was more ‘your’ son to love all those years, you have memories to cherish and now forever more. you hold your memories in your brain and certainly in your heart. ashes to ashes, dust to dust. take care of yourself now.

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I am so sorry for your loss! There is no greater sorrow… Do what you believe in your heart is right. If you do not feel that he will be at rest cremated, bury him. You have to live with this choice the rest of your life. If the dad wasn’t involved does he really have a say now? He will have his own regrets but don’t make this one yours.

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You have final say as he was not married. You do what you feel is right. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

When my brother died, his ashes were split between his girlfriend at the time, our dad and then my daughter and I got necklaces with his ashes in it. Im curious, who is involved 6 ways? Unless you have 4 other kids with him, then if cremating is an option, you, dad(even though it may not sit well with you) and something meaningful for your sons BIO siblings(should they want something to keep close of their brother). Her kids definitely should not be getting anything.

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I’m so sorry for your loss! Personally I think its all about what you believe but if it were me I wouldn’t want to split him up. I’d want to bury him and just lay him to rest peacefully. Also, I don’t really think its your Ex’s girlfriend’s place to say anything about it. He’s your son. Not hers. Again I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you can reach a conclusion that will help your baby rest easy. Sending you love and light

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Umm current girlfriend can kick rocks! You do what YOU want to with your child!!! Sorry for your loss. Should be a time for grieving and a girlfriend wants to act like she has some sort of rights…. That’s horrible….

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I am so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine what you’re going thru!! And personally I don’t agree with the splitting of ashes I myself feel like it’s not right. And shame on them for putting you thru any extra stress when you’re going thru what you are!!

No plz don’t do that, you’re his MOTHER YOU BROUGHT HIM IN THIS WORLD SO YOU CHOOSE. It’s not good to divide the ashes or his soul will never be at peace . My condolences :pray:t3:

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What would your son have wanted, that should be the main consideration

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HUGS I hope you’re able to come to a swift decision as this is hars enough already fighting is the last thing you want to be doing. May you find comfort and healing in this difficult time🖤

God Bless you for your loss and so sorry that you have to deal with both of these issues. Since there was not divorce, there probably wasn’t any custody agreement. From a legal aspect, if he left, and was NOT assisting with any financial support or regular visitation schedule, you may have a good case, especially if it is in alignment with religious beliefs. If he has been involved or assisting financially, then you may need an attorney. Most do free consultations. :pray::pray::pray:

Put yourself in the kids shoes. What would they want?

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If u cremate u could split in half give dad half. He can do what he wishes with his. We cremated my son he was almost 6m old and we did 2 small urns one for me and my husband and one for his twin brother who carries a monkey around w him w it in it.

This is an awful, awful thing to go through and I am so sorry. Do what you feel is best. Gf has ZERO say so.

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So very sad & sorry to hear you’re going through this. I feel if you were his most on hands parent, then they lose say. You are his Mother. The only compromise, I would say is they neither have rights. I’m praying your baby is at peace & you will find peace with this. Do what you know your son would want. :heart:

Admin
This needs a trigger warning at the beginning!!!

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I would never split ashes! My very distant half sister crawled out of the wood works when my dad passed so I agreed to give her a very small amount. I feel like the dead and dead, damn respect them and let them be. I’m sorry for your loss also. But they can go kick rocks.

I don’t have any advice but I am truly sorry for your loss.

I couldnt and wouldn’t split my child you bury him or sprinkle his ashes in one place he can travel to visit his resting place , his girl friend has no say so in this it your child and his not hers.

Do what you feel is best. Concentrate on u now please :white_heart:

She has no say but your husband does . You and he have to agree. No judge is gonna split his remains 6 ways cause he moved away from his kid. Get your ex aside away from her so you can talk. If he can’t agree you’ll have to involve a lawyer. Divorce and son’s burial done by your lawyer. But realize you can’t just do what you want , your divorce isn’t final and neither one of you had full custody. I’m sorry for your loss .

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Is the girlfriend the son’s??? Im confused. Are the kids his?? You NEVER split ashes. That’s soooo disrespectful! I say bury him since you are his mom

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There is no right answer to this. Personally, I would split if the kids are his, but again, that’s just me.

I wouldn’t split him at most give them tiny ashes if your cremating for necklaces or something keepsake like that. Also very sorry for your loss!

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None of current girlfriend’s business. You lay your boy to rest as you see fit. Sounds like dad stepped out of the picture a Long time ago. You should be the one to choose.

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If it were me, I wouldn’t split, you’re his mom. I understand his dad is his dad, however he chose to leave and not be around, but if it were me I wouldn’t let them do it. The dad’s girlfriend is just that, his girlfriend, not wife,not your son’s mom, she should have no say in the situation. I would just bury him. I am so sorry for your loss I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers. :pray:t4:

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As a mom myself, all I can say is he was your baby… No other human alive could’ve ever loved him the way you did and noone else can possibly feel what you are feeling… I think you should do what you want to do. Praying for you!

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They should all get a lock of his hair but you do what you want with your son I’m sorry may he rest in piece I’m sorry for your loss

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I’ve always wanted to be cremated even before having children and now that I have 3 I’ve already told them I want my ashes separated among them to honor me any way that gives them peace and with a happy memory! My youngest said she wants to turn me into a Glass starfish and keep me forever and we both love the beach, my other daughter is debating between tossing me off our favorite roller coaster (even after I told her that was illegal she said she would find a way lol :sweat_smile: or wait to make a new special memory in the future she’d decide then) they’re only 10 & 11 yrs old but we talk about all that stuff casually in conversation bc even tho I’m still young anything could happen and I want everyone to know what I want lol I say separate the ashes. His body is the ashes but his soul has already found peace long before. It will be their last forever special thing they’ll ever have of their dad. Regardless of how close they were, they’ll grow and be grateful for that opportunity.

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Don’t split your son, may he RIP. Don’t give in to ur ex

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If I was you I would keep a piece of his hair to remember him by .