Never divorced and we have kids together. Our divorce was going to be this year as our youngest turned 18. Unfortunately he passed away.
My dilemma is, his current girlfriend has 3 under age kids and wants his body cremated and be split in 6 different ways. He wasn’t in my kids life due to this girlfriend taking him to another state and completely cut all ties with his moms, sister and everyone. But I on the other hand don’t think it’s right to be split. I want to bury him let him rest.
Please need advise if by burying him is the correct way to go or should he be split?
Her ex didn’t pass away, their 18 year old son they have together passed away. She wants to bury him and her ex wants to cremate him and give people his ashes
Thanks for clearly it up aprilmcabot, sorry I got confused. If it was my son, I would probably fight my ex and lay my son to rest as I wanted. He wasn’t active in the Childs life so I wouldn’t worry about what he wanted. I think you should lay your son to rest the way you see fit.
Why does the gf have any say? She’s the reason he wasn’t in his sons life!! Tell her to take her opinion and shove it where the sun don’t shine.
As far as the ex hubby goes his opinion shouldn’t matter either cause if he cared for his son he would have stayed active in his life prior to his death even if y’all weren’t together. And since he wasn’t he can shove his opinion as well. He wants to see his son resting fine he can go wherever you decide to lay him to rest. Gif gf kids don’t need none of his remains if he was again not in their lives.
I wouldn’t split and burry him. Splitting it up just sounds disrespectful and wrong. And if he wasn’t even in his life he has no right to ask such a thing. He chose a women over his son. And she had NO right to even ask you do that. Like WTF
I’m sorry, why are you even Discussing or acknowledging what the girlfriend wants to do with your son’s body.
I would put her directly back in her place where she and her unwanted opinion on this matter belong.
If your ex was barely even involved up until your son passed away, I would tell him him and his opinion can stay with his little girlfriend where he chose to run off to.
possession is 9/10 of the law. And what she thinks or what she wants isn’t a factor. his parents are. If you and the father don’t agree, and you are the one with the ashes and paying for it? Neither one of them count. Just saying
What state are you in? Depending on he state you are in depends on how his remains might be legally handled. Also did dad have any rights to y’all’s son? I personally would push for what YOU want and fuck what dad wants
None of us can tell you what is right to do. Some families split it so everyone can have some ashes. Some prefer to keep it all in one place, whether cremated or buried …mostly based on religious beliefs. Your son’s soul has already left the body, if that makes a difference. But in the end, I would assume it is the parents’ decision. But I understand you have differing opinions on that. I am sorry… I really have no advice, but I am very sorry for your loss.
Hold on: This is your hubby’s gf you are talking about, not your son’s gf??? F her!! And if he wasn’t in youe son’s life anymore bc of her, it is YOUR decision.
I would say who’s paying for all this?
If it is you, you should have the choice. But if his dad is paying for everything, then he will have the right. But whatever is decided, i am so sorry for your loss
who is the one preparing for the burial, the funeral, the visitation and paying for it? That is the one who COUNTS. SORRY NOT SORRY. He wasn’t involved in his life? He shouldn’t be involved in his death. And the GF can blow smoke up a skirt
I know if y’all can’t agree the funeral home will make u get a court order of what to do. Happened to parents of a kid I know. They couldn’t agree and they had to get a court order to be decided what to do
You’re mom, you were there, not your ex… you decide how you want to do things, this girlfriend shouldn’t even be considered. Most importantly, I’m very sorry for your loss
Id bury him not cremate him as far as dad goes tell him to stay in the damn state he in since he picked that state over his son sorry for your loss not sorry for my opinion
So sorry for your loss! Bury him as you see fit. The girlfriends opinion doesn’t matter and to split him sounds terrible and so disrespectful! Put her in her place and tell her to keep her opinion and 2 cents to herself!
He is YOUR son. Not hers. Her wishes aren’t even valid. This is between you YOUR family his father and HIS DIRECT family. It needs to be discussed between you and his father not minding her or any other outside contributing factor.
WHAT?. How is this even a question? What the fudge does she have to do with it… You was the vessel that brought him into this world. You will be the one who chooses the vessel he moves on in, especially if his father was absent. All my love Mama, sorry for your loss x.
We went through this exactly when my FIL died and his boys were very very young and once they grew up more they were very upset that they didn’t stand their ground. Those babies won’t ever have a dad pretty much, you had a son for a long time. Let those babies keep a piece of their dad with them!
He’s YOUR son. That’s YOUR choice to make. Not hers. She doesn’t get a say, I would take dads thoughts into consideration but ultimately it’s up to you really and his closest family.
My very sincerest condolences for your loss, my dear. Ignore this irrelevant woman. She has no position in this. Shows what a terrible person she is to behave like this at such a tragic time. Don’t give her any power. God be with you.
I’m truly sorry for your loss, my heart aches for you. I hope whatever you decide to do it is YOUR decision with his father and that you feel comfortable with the result xx
I could NEVER split my son when he was cremated three years ago. All of him is laid to rest under a tree at my parents. Do what will bring you some peace, mama I am praying for you!
His girlfriend can go to hell, DISRESPECTFULLY. Do what YOU want to do and bury your son. It’s RIDICULOUS to even suggest that and his father is a for not checking her a**.
Do you know what your son’s wishes were ? If you did ashes ad still have them in a mosaleum or somewhere whole and complete with a marker so you and whoever could visit… don’t split them up . But burying is always a good idea but it does cost more
so sad reading your dilemma. im a nurse and if i had a nickel for every death ive seen, id have a hundreds of nickels. personally i think of the body as your earthly skin or vessel, once he died his soul left and went elsewhere - thats the important part and the part that comforts me. after death, burial cremation doesnt matter. if he is his father, i cant see rocking the boat right now when everyone is upset and he is likely feeling guilty. if he thinks a few ashes will comfort him, so be it. he was more ‘your’ son to love all those years, you have memories to cherish and now forever more. you hold your memories in your brain and certainly in your heart. ashes to ashes, dust to dust. take care of yourself now.
I am so sorry for your loss! There is no greater sorrow… Do what you believe in your heart is right. If you do not feel that he will be at rest cremated, bury him. You have to live with this choice the rest of your life. If the dad wasn’t involved does he really have a say now? He will have his own regrets but don’t make this one yours.
When my brother died, his ashes were split between his girlfriend at the time, our dad and then my daughter and I got necklaces with his ashes in it. Im curious, who is involved 6 ways? Unless you have 4 other kids with him, then if cremating is an option, you, dad(even though it may not sit well with you) and something meaningful for your sons BIO siblings(should they want something to keep close of their brother). Her kids definitely should not be getting anything.
I’m so sorry for your loss! Personally I think its all about what you believe but if it were me I wouldn’t want to split him up. I’d want to bury him and just lay him to rest peacefully. Also, I don’t really think its your Ex’s girlfriend’s place to say anything about it. He’s your son. Not hers. Again I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you can reach a conclusion that will help your baby rest easy. Sending you love and light
Umm current girlfriend can kick rocks! You do what YOU want to with your child!!! Sorry for your loss. Should be a time for grieving and a girlfriend wants to act like she has some sort of rights…. That’s horrible….
I am so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine what you’re going thru!! And personally I don’t agree with the splitting of ashes I myself feel like it’s not right. And shame on them for putting you thru any extra stress when you’re going thru what you are!!
No plz don’t do that, you’re his MOTHER YOU BROUGHT HIM IN THIS WORLD SO YOU CHOOSE. It’s not good to divide the ashes or his soul will never be at peace . My condolences
HUGS I hope you’re able to come to a swift decision as this is hars enough already fighting is the last thing you want to be doing. May you find comfort and healing in this difficult time🖤
God Bless you for your loss and so sorry that you have to deal with both of these issues. Since there was not divorce, there probably wasn’t any custody agreement. From a legal aspect, if he left, and was NOT assisting with any financial support or regular visitation schedule, you may have a good case, especially if it is in alignment with religious beliefs. If he has been involved or assisting financially, then you may need an attorney. Most do free consultations.
If u cremate u could split in half give dad half. He can do what he wishes with his. We cremated my son he was almost 6m old and we did 2 small urns one for me and my husband and one for his twin brother who carries a monkey around w him w it in it.
So very sad & sorry to hear you’re going through this. I feel if you were his most on hands parent, then they lose say. You are his Mother. The only compromise, I would say is they neither have rights. I’m praying your baby is at peace & you will find peace with this. Do what you know your son would want.
I would never split ashes! My very distant half sister crawled out of the wood works when my dad passed so I agreed to give her a very small amount. I feel like the dead and dead, damn respect them and let them be. I’m sorry for your loss also. But they can go kick rocks.
I couldnt and wouldn’t split my child you bury him or sprinkle his ashes in one place he can travel to visit his resting place , his girl friend has no say so in this it your child and his not hers.
She has no say but your husband does . You and he have to agree. No judge is gonna split his remains 6 ways cause he moved away from his kid. Get your ex aside away from her so you can talk. If he can’t agree you’ll have to involve a lawyer. Divorce and son’s burial done by your lawyer. But realize you can’t just do what you want , your divorce isn’t final and neither one of you had full custody. I’m sorry for your loss .
None of current girlfriend’s business. You lay your boy to rest as you see fit. Sounds like dad stepped out of the picture a Long time ago. You should be the one to choose.
If it were me, I wouldn’t split, you’re his mom. I understand his dad is his dad, however he chose to leave and not be around, but if it were me I wouldn’t let them do it. The dad’s girlfriend is just that, his girlfriend, not wife,not your son’s mom, she should have no say in the situation. I would just bury him. I am so sorry for your loss I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers.
As a mom myself, all I can say is he was your baby… No other human alive could’ve ever loved him the way you did and noone else can possibly feel what you are feeling… I think you should do what you want to do. Praying for you!
I’ve always wanted to be cremated even before having children and now that I have 3 I’ve already told them I want my ashes separated among them to honor me any way that gives them peace and with a happy memory! My youngest said she wants to turn me into a Glass starfish and keep me forever and we both love the beach, my other daughter is debating between tossing me off our favorite roller coaster (even after I told her that was illegal she said she would find a way lol or wait to make a new special memory in the future she’d decide then) they’re only 10 & 11 yrs old but we talk about all that stuff casually in conversation bc even tho I’m still young anything could happen and I want everyone to know what I want lol I say separate the ashes. His body is the ashes but his soul has already found peace long before. It will be their last forever special thing they’ll ever have of their dad. Regardless of how close they were, they’ll grow and be grateful for that opportunity.