My almost ex and I are disagreeing on how to lay our son to rest, help!?

Whatever is right for you is what is right. Make sure you are at peace with it.

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Oh I’m so sorry to read this…you have the finally say though as he wasn’t married. Unless he was with this girlfriend a long time? Like yrs? It’s a tough choice. This is why everyone in my immediate family knows my wishes.

First I am so very sorry for your loss, I can empathize knowing the life long pain you are left with. With that said you do what you need to do for you girlfriend should just keep her opinions to herself and her mouth shut. If dad didn’t get to see him much well then I would say that was on him. Bury your son if that’s what you want splitting him up is an outrageous demand from someone who has no business in this affair. Dad want to be able to sit and reflect he knows where can go to do so.

I lost my husband in January and I signed so his mom had the rights to do what she wanted to as his mother. I told her what he had always told me he’d want and then gave her the ability to make the decision. I’m his WIFE, he is the father of OUR SON, but she is his MOM! Was it hard, absolutely, but I felt like it was the right thing to do. YOU are his mom, you can’t redo this. You need to do what you feel in your heart will bring you comfort. You don’t owe him anything and you damn sure don’t owe her anything! If you feel like cremation is best that’s your choice. If you want to split the ashes with his dad that’s also your choice. If he wants to split his own person that’s on him. If you want to go the other route and have a plot then, mama, that is YOUR CHOICE! Don’t let anyone else effect your decision because it’s emotional! It’s easier to give in especially when you’re grieving but don’t! Praying for you! I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine your pain!

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It’s the next of kin’s decision. She’s just the girlfriend (not to be harsh) but she legally doesn’t have a say

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First I’m so sorry for your loss. Did you still have full custody? In my opinion the girlfriend has NO SAY SO in this matter! You are the mother. Lay your son to rest however you choose

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Sorry for your loss.

I’m confused… everyone is commenting like this was your son, but I read it as you are talking about your ex husband.

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This is your child his girlfriend has no say she can come visit him when you bury him or whatever you decide to do.

I am truly sorry for your loss but if the child was living with you when he passed and you had custody it is your choice as his mother and you’re his next of kin not her she has to be legally married to him in order to have a say and as for your ex-husband I would honestly tell him you weren’t in his life you don’t have a say you can be there at his funeral and help me lay him to rest. Again I am so sorry for your loss and if the children are his I would at least give them something of their daddy to remember him by.

It’s not for her to say.your his mom do what you think you should do. I would not want to do what she wants to my child

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I am so so sorry you have to go through this. I lost my 3rd son when he was 23 weeks and it killed me, I can’t imagine the hell you’re going through losing your 18 year old baby )’: honestly, I’d tell the Gf to screw off, she has 0 say in anything. Get your ex alone and find out his real opinion, sounds like his gf wants things HER way when she has no say in anything. You’re going through enough, you don’t need her making things worse. You’re his mom you make the decision. Once again I am so sorry for your loss, no parent should ever have to go through this. If you need someone to listen to you, my door is always open.

Lay him to rest at home with you. If you do cremation maybe do something for his kids only then put the rest of his ashes in a play he loved.

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This girlfriend who does she think she is u are his mother she has no say so what ever no don’t do that

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Do what you feel is right. Personally I would bury him and not split him up

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The dads girlfriend can kick rocks. Why 6 ways? Mom and dad only if they are split at all. Are her kids the siblings of your son that passed? That’s the only way that even makes sense. It sounds like they weren’t even involved in your sons life. Why would they even want his ashes?

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It’s really only up to you & his dad.
I lost a baby, stillborn, and we opted to cremate him. Not so much to split him, but because I don’t see us living where we live forever, and I don’t want him to be alone, here, if we do choose to move elsewhere.

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Do you think you get all of someones ashes? Dont stress about it.let the girlfriend split up his ashes.having contact with your grandchildren is more important than the fights its going to create.

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I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with splitting the ashes. Many people love him, and it makes sense everyone would want their own way to put him to rest and honor him. Especially with the family being so spread apart like that. At least if you split ashes you can visit and talk with him any time anywhere, and you don’t have to worry about what will happen to his grave.

I know that’s your baby, and your feelings are valid. They just aren’t the only ones that should be considered.

The girlfriend can fuck right the fuck off though. She gets no say at all.

Did you give birth to this child? If you did, it is definitely not up to his girlfriend to decide - it’s his parent’s decision…. I would go batshit crazy if some girl wanted to split my child’s remains….

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For me personally I would split in half. He is just as much his son as yours. You do what you want with your half and he does what he wants with his half.

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Absolutely not!!! You burry your boy where ever you see fit! May he RIP… Sending hugs, strength, peace and light. :latin_cross::pray:t2:

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Your son! bury him in one place. She has no rights. You shouldn’t split his ashes period.

You put him to rest momma :heart: prayers for you I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now.

I’m reading this as the husband passed… Your choice my friend. Do what makes your soul rest easy, do Not fall into a guilt trap.

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My kids father and I have had a brutal relationship and weren’t able to coparent up until recently(his ex was horrid and he finally realized that) However when it came down to our son dying he was cremated and I keep his ashes. That was one thing that wasn’t going to be a fight. We were going to bury him but neither of us are from the state in which our child passed and we couldn’t agree on where to bury. If you want your son buried or cremated is up to you. Do not fight over your deceased son please don’t.

You put him to rest prayers for you

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If it’s the husband that is dead though I think that’s up to his parents, and ya’lls kids. Girlfriend can still fuck off no matter who died.

Current girlfriend can kick rocks. U decide what U want done.

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Keep him by your side. Especially if he wasn’t in his life. If his father can accept that stay away from him especially at a hard time like this ! Also if he wasn’t there for him as much as you were, keep your baby next
To you. Keep your head up :kissing_heart::two_hearts:

Bury your child. Who gives a flying f, not the mother of your son, thinks.

I’m so very sorry for your loss - I can’t even imagine.
What does your ex say, if anything?
Truly, it’s none of the gf’s concern. You do what you need to do to lay your child to rest.

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This is YOUR son, why does your existing girlfriend have an opinion at all? This is a very personal matter and it is hard for me to tell you what’s right. I’ve never liked the idea of ashes being split either. It seems weird for someone to have like a half a body? I think in the end, whoever is paying will have the final say. So if that is you, then you will be the one to make the arrangements. Have his ashes buried right away because if you bring them home, your ex may show up and demand someone of them.

Myself? I would feel … he chose his life with this girlfriend before even being divorced…. no contact with his children with you…( hopefully the 18 yr olds death didn’t have to do with his father not being around)….so no … no separating the Cremains . Bury your son as You see fit and where You want him to be. No Law against that either.

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I’m sorry for your loss. But no way in hell does that homewrecker have any say in how you bury your son. Bury your son how you see fit. If your ex doesn’t like it, too bad. Cremating and separating his ashes is totally disrespectful to his memory

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I don’t usually comment on these threads. But, YOU do what YOU chose to be at peace. Don’t worry about anyone else’s wishes. And, I’m so sorry so for your loss.

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I would do how you feel your son would want things. I don’t think he would want to be split up like that, bury him and anyone who wants to, can visit him anytime they want XOXO I’m terribly sorry that your ex and his girlfriend are being difficult in a time when they should be nothing but supportive to you. May your son Rest In Peace. Follow your heart XOXO :pray::two_hearts:

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Bury your child if that’s what will give you peace. When times are tough it’s nice to be able to visit the gravesite… especially when your heart gets heavy with grief. :two_hearts:

Dad gets half, mom gets half. You do what you want, he does what he wants.

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I have a daughtrers ashes that I refuse to split I just cant . I dont feel its right

He’s your Son…period.

Why would current girlfriend have ANY say so at all?! That’s not even her place to request. Lay YOUR BABY that YOU BIRTHED AND RAISED to rest how you see fit. Give them a lock of hair or something.

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Cremated and split 2 ways. He can split his with whom he pleases and you as well.

This girlfriend seem to have a lot of power. It’s you and the ex son and you need to stick your chest out and tell her what she thinks is non of her business

The almost ex died not the son

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I’m so sorry for your loss . You carried that child in your body and you raised that child therefore you have every right to decide how you want to lay your baby to rest . They could always visit his grave site and if they really want a part of him that bad maybe give them a small bit of hair

Wtf does his gf have to donwith a bar of soap!!! Tell her to piss off.he was your son and if you dont want to split him dont…

Honestly this shouldn’t even be a question. She has NOTHING to do with your son! Man the nerve on some people… this is friggin tragic and she wants to assume control. I’m sorry hell no.

I’m so sorry about your son. Noones going to have the right answer for you. It’s a personal preference. I cant imagine having to make that decision about my child, but if I had to, I would think I would want him/her cremated. Mom gets half, dad gets half. And they share child’s ashes as they see fit.
They have really nice necklaces and other sorts of things. That way you can have your loved one with you always.

Bodies and spirits should not be split up. They should be whole.

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Tell her to back right off. Split his body? Seriously? That’s your baby, you lay him to rest in accordance with your cultural and familial needs. I am so sorry for your loss.

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I’m so sorry for your loss and sorry you are having to go through this situation. In my opinion, you should do what you feel your son would want. Put your feelings, your ex’s feelings, and the new girlfriend’s feelings aside and do what you feel your son would have wanted. Good luck to you and I hope you are able to find peace.

Honestly, this is a very personal decision and no one can decide but you two. Not us. Not his girlfriend. You need to decide if this is something you can compromise on and live with.

My Mom had my brother cremated. He told us long ago he frankly didnt care about what we did with his body, his spirit was no longer in that body.
We were raised religious and all believe ashes to ashes dust to dust.
Then my mom let us split up his ashes so his two kids could have him, my sister and I could have him and she could have him. She kept the big urn. The 4 of us got sealed small memory urns. This way we could all do as we wished to remember him. My mom wants him buried with her. I will have him buried with me unless my kids want his urn.
It honestly helps the grieving process. We all have him.
I hope you can come to a choice together and find peace. :heart:

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In a lot of cultures it’s basically a omen to split the body or ashes.

When my brother passed away from suicide we split his ashes. 1/2 went on my parents grave and 1/2 went to a lake where he loved to fish n duck hunt. It was the right call for him. But if you want to bury him or even cremate and bury his ashes by all means you do what your heart tells you to do. His GF doesn’t have a say. The only one who does are you n his dad. No one else. I would want him home if it were me. I still go to the cemetery to visit my mom n dad.

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“He wasn’t in my kids life”.
“I want to bury him let him rest”.

Burying him IS the correct way to go.

This is your baby. You will regret any other decision.

Bless you in the coming days and God shed his grace. I couldn’t imagine. You’ll be in my prayers.

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My sister’s and I split our Mom’s ashes with Dad. When Dad passed the Funeral Home took each of our small urns :funeral_urn:and added a bit of Dad’s. The rest of both were scattered on their retirement property on their hill. When my Grandson passed my Daughter shared his ashes with her ex. The rest were scattered on the Ocean he loved. The Shell :shell:is gone and the Soul is at Peace.

If he moved and didnt have shit to do with ur son cuz 9f another woman don’t give him shit. He doesn’t desrve that right…he lost it wen he went that far cuz of another woman…any one who chooses sumone over their children like that should never be called a parent…that’s abandoning them…if ur the one who cared for him and all u have that say abd right…I’m deeply sorry for ur loss ma’am…no parebt should outlive their kids…and as far as the new bitch is concerned…she’s the reason for it so she dam sure needs to sit tf dwn and keep her mouth shut wen it comes to YOUR SON…she didn’t help raise him or ANYTHING and convince his father or donor to leave…maaannnn not me cuz I’ve throat punch that bitch for even thinking she had a say…donor needs to have his balls kicked out his mouth as well for being that much of a low life douche abd even asking knowing he left like he did…the balls he had ti do so…he needs to spit em out cuz he’s gone stupid

I’m sorry for your loss. My opinion is it’s none of her damn business. Yours and the dad’s. Since he ghosted it’s yours alone. if you feel like considering others opinions you can but you need to do what what’s right by your son and what he would want. That’s the ultimate goal as a mom. To do what’s right for them.

Me and my boyfriend got urn necklaces. I would hate to bury my child. I would want them home with me. We made a shadow box and we surround our baby with prayer cards of loved ones and soon to be a little of ashes from my uncle who died. My grandmother is having a hard time parting with the ashes but she said to me I want my son to be with who loved him and I want your baby and my son together soon. So it’s really hard. It’s your choice.

Why would it be split 6 ways? He only has 2 parents.

Cremate him and give part of his ashes to his father to do with as he pleases

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In reference to my previous comment; I bought these off of Amazon for my daughter to put her papa’s cologne in after he passed away.

How dare the girlfriend have any decisions in this matter let alone a father who was absent in his life!!! Do not let them have any say so in the son you birthed and raised!!! Fck them period. Sorry to be so aggressive but you put your son to rest how you see fit!!! Period!!! I am so sorry for your loss and I pray for peace and healing for you.

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I would do what you think your son would want and what is going to make you feel okay. <3

It should be your decision… I’m so sorry

Unless she made ur son with u or pushed him out she has no damn right to say anything on what to do with his remains … with all due respect

Um hell no! She has no say on it. As he shouldn’t either. Split his ashes 6 different ways for what reason? She needs put in her place and your son needs to be resting at peace how you choose…

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I am Catholic. Cremated or not the dead are buried in a Blessed Grave. We do not believe in splitting up the body.

Definitely your decision OP. Bury him and let him be at peace.

As his Mother it’s your decision. I would suggest that you do what YOU think is best.

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That is just wrong , how would like to be spread
Every where, my Lord if you raised was main parent please keep in
Him all in one place, his soul needs to be at one,
To me girlfriend should not have no say at all,
Not right to do that. But
That my opinion do t mean a thing but listen to your heart, not what everyone else wants

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They have tiny necklaces you can put a little bit of ashes in maybe have him buy a couple of those it takes the tiniest bit of ashes and then bury him. But if you don’t want to don’t do it. We got these ones for mothers ashes… I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

Oh I don’t think so! That’s your baby, you gave birth to him & you absolutely lay him to rest the way you want to! Just my mama opinion! I’m so sorry for your loss!

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The sons gf or exes if exes she can suck a dick. Your mom do what you feel he would of wanted

DON’T SPLIT! bury him

Your his mother and been there with him . Its your decision . Bury him let him rest in peace

Do what you think your son would want

I had to read this a few times but I think the almost ex husband is the one who passed away, not their son.
But either way I would bury him in one place and everyone can visit, don’t split him up.

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Your talking about your ex husbands girlfriend correct? If so his girlfriend should have no say in this. It should be your decision. Do what you feel is best.

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Bury your Son and let him rest.

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Honestly in this situation i wouldnt listen to what either of them has to say. She gets no say and if you must split him. Just give him his half and he can do what he wants with it. You are worth more than 1/6 of your sons ashes.

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Your baby you raised him not his new girlfriend, she has no say! Do what you feel is right by your son and your other children

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I would say just bury him and send his father one of his most valued possessions to remember him by. That way you do what you feel is best but still in a way respect his wishes……my condolences :bouquet:

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He was your baby. I reckon you were closer to him than anyone on this planet. I think you should do what you feel is best for you and if laying him to rest whole is what you feel is best then that’s how it should be. May love and light guide you through this most difficult time, please accept my sincerest condolences.

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Whoever is paying for it, should be the one making the decision.

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girlfriends are not entitled to that decision unless family gives it to her

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What a terrible dilemma to have after losing a child. I’m so sorry for your loss. IMHO, I think his remains are precious and not something to be regarded as property that can be parceled off. Treat his remains with the same love and respect you would have treated him when he was alive. Bury his ashes intact; don’t split them.

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You could buy one thing for all the ashes then get necklaces an put some ashes in them that’s what we did with my gmas each grandkid and her kids got necklaces with her ashes and then we have an angel that holds the rest

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Do not spilt his up if that is not what you are comfortable with! Lay him to rest.

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I’m confused… did the 18 year old die or the almost ex husband??

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Hmm I’m lost is it the son or the ex partner

I have no advice. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. So sorry your son died. :broken_heart:

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If it was up to me and he wasn’t there then I would have the say so on how my son was laid to rest and the girlfriend can butt out bc it’s not her place or child that she is talking about. Prayers for you and guidance through this awful time

Your sons gf or the dads … Because eff dads gf its your kid

I’m confused, is it the son or the husband? If it’s the son you have full rights. If it’s the husband you still have full rights at least legally.

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Did your son want to be buried or cremated? Do what he would have wanted. The father of my oldest was killed 12 days before we where to get married, since we where not married his parents where the ones that made the decisions on what to do with his remains. He wanted to be cremated and his parents went against his wishes and had him buried even though he made it known to them that he wanted to be cremated. 20 years later and I still haven’t forgiven them for going against his wishes.

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Why the hell would the girlfriend even have any say in it?!

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First and foremost I am so unbelievably sorry that you’re having to do this at all no mother should ever have to bury their child so my heart is with you. I’m so so sorry. As for your question I don’t think there is anyone in the universe that can give you advice other than your inner self. This is your child and you as his mother are the only person that knows the correct way to put him to rest. As I type this I am in tears for you having to even think about this but you do what you know in your soul your son needs to be at rest. If you ever need to vent my in box will always be available. Hang in there and I really hope you can get some peace :cry::pray: religious or not just know you are in my prayers in every way possible mama :pray:

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She’s just a girlfriend… She has no say in this shit. She shouldn’t have a big say in it.