As a divorced mom myself I can tell you, you can’t always control the situation. My fiancee ex has a new boyfriend every few months and that has been going on for the almost 11 years I have known her. All we can do is hope who ever is in the house at the time is going to be good to his daughter they share.
Throw the whole man away. 4 months is pretty early-especially if he truly has a tendency to go through short flings. They should BOTH be understanding of that. The fact that he is willing to miss it, over her ultimatum, says a lot about him as a father. It’s not like this is a long term relationship and/or somebody he has married. I also would be even more hesitant to have a woman around my child, who would 1. ask my child’s father to not see their child for any reason, and 2. Is still immature and so jealous that they can’t understand co-parenting and boundaries. You shouldn’t even have to ask him to exercise caution, because he should be doing that on his own. It can be hard for kids to get attached to somebody and then just not see them anymore.
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I would want to meet her. Our biomom used to have a flavor of the week too with men but my husband would try to meet most of them to see who they were. If this woman isn’t full of drama, doesn’t have any type of unsafe criminal history, etc. then I’d let her tag along. She’s probably already met your child if your kid goes over to dad’s house. There’s no harm in meeting her and being the bigger person
I don’t see it being that big of a deal, allow the girlfriend to come, 4 months is an okay amount of time to introduce them.
You honestly sound bitter.
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Let her come. What better way to monitor the kids interaction with her than for you to be there and witness it yourself.
Do not tick or treat together. You aren’t a couple just take your child out by yourself. He’s the one missing out
Now me I introduced my daughter to his gf before he wanted to bc we ran into them in public. I’d rather know who my kids going to be around. U can’t control that. He can go for visitation and u would have no say. I wouldn’t expect my ex to go trick or treating w me. He can take her alone which he wouldn’t. He only does stuff when he has a gf so I’m like enjoy it bc I don’t get me time🤣
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Anyone who tells you that your immature is ridiculous. If she can’t trust him then that’s on her but she’s coming between him and his kid. You have every right not to want her around your daughter. I have an ex who has a new gf/ fiancée every 6 months, it’s not healthy.
Protect that baby and make sure he knows that his gf should never come first. I’ve never put my bf above my kids even the one I have with him, they deserve to be protected from all that drama
all the people saying she’s being petty BUT missed the part where the new gf said the bd isn’t allowed to be alone with the bm! So obviously that’s the only reason she wants to go. In this case she gives 2 fucks about the kid. The gf is being childish and immature and the bd is allowing it. When you get with someone that has kids you need to know that the other parent is going to be involved in their live whether you stay together or not. Its actually more important for people who have children together to maintain a strong and healthy relationship regardless of who they’re with. Boundaries need to be set for the “new flavor of the week”. If you all don’t understand the emotional damage that bringing new bf/gf around your kids constantly can cause then maybe you shouldn’t date. Trick or treating is a child’s time and one for PARENTS to experience with their child unmolested by the watchful immature and unnecessarily jealous eyes of a new partner.
Once your feelings are gone for him you’ll stop seeking “control”…
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Well she’s very insecure and needs to get over herself. You will be in his life bc of the child. You and dad need to be friends for the child’s sake
Honestly i don’t see a problem with her going. It’s trick or treating it’s not like they will be all over each other. Me and my ex broke up 8 years ago and i will tell you it makes things a lot better if you don’t make a big deal about the small stuff…
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This literally doesn’t matter. He doesn’t need to be there. If your kid already knows the girlfriend, it also doesn’t matter if she tags along. My kids’ father didn’t go when we were together. Kids don’t tend to give af.
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His loss - take your kid out by yourself
Just uninvite him, say never mind
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All 3 of you need to grow up and put your own bs aside when it comes to the child
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Y’all should all go and get acquainted. Pick the battles this one isn’t that serious.
Well, that’s unfortunate for him. Tell him you will save him a piece of candy and send him a picture.
If it’s going to cause conflict and drama, it’s probably not worth trying to go together.
You can not try to be in control of his life and his situations. This is about the kids and not your feelings about it unless there’s a true concern for danger- negligence, drug use, etc. then he should be able to parent the way he sees fit and introduce his children as he sees necessary. You are afforded the same decisions when it pertains to your personal life and children. Also, with it being Halloween and everyone will be there could be a good ice breaker and not have the kids focus so much on the gf but a soft introduction. Do the right thing.
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What a mess! God have mercy upon this family.
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Sounds like your baby daddy needs to grow up and put his child first.
I’m so sorry
If it’s such a big deal just go with your child.
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4 months is not a long time to bring someone around your child…id have an issue myself. Maybe discuss this with him in detail to do what’s best for the child
Let him miss out then! There’s nothing you can do unless you want to budge on your decision. You can not change anyone’s mind and you can not force anyone to do anything
So the advice here is this. Either cave or do without him being there! It’s really that simple
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While I see your concerns, it’s not up to you to dictate who he has around your children and within what timeframe. Ideally you would discuss and agree upon certain boundaries but that rarely works out. He is equally an adult and a parent as you and can make that call himself. He should be able to come and trick or treat with his kids without her, and do things for/with the kids with you present, and if he won’t that is annoying but again–his business. If this were my situation I would rather see her in action and gauge what vibes I get from her than make this a big point of contention.
You trusted him enough to have unprotected sex trust that he is picking good women too be around his kid. If he decided to go to court you wouldn’t have a say
sooo when my husband and i were dating, his bm always wanted just him to go places with them since they were ‘their own little family’. my husband chose to not go some places if i wasn’t ‘allowed’ because whether she liked it or not, i was a part of his life. would letting her go hurt anyone?
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Suck it up. It’s only a few hours. Your child comes first. I’m sure you can tolerate the new girl for a couple hours. Put your hurt feelings aside and think about doing the right thing for the child.
Let the girlfriend come and just have boundaries with your ex about what’s to be done or expected when you guys go trick or treating. There’s really no need to make this difficult
I’d just be happy my baby daddy is spending time with his kids 
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Well has the child been around the new gf while the child has visitation with him? Then just let the gf be there. Let her see how he acts differently. But in my opinion, this isn’t about the child
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You take the child & let him take him separately, you ain’t together anymore, so what’s your issue.
Tell me you’re jealous and immature without telling me you’re jealous and immature 
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I agree with above. You’re acting like a child. It could be a great positive experience for your child. To rip away memories away from your child is selfish.
It sounds like you’re the one making him choose between his girlfriend and your child. He clearly wants to be there, as difficult and frustrating as it might be, I’d just let her come. See how she is with your child and make nice with her. Not to mention if you keep blowing her off and refusing to allow her to come to things involving the kids, he will eventually just go behind your back and introduce them. Then that leaves you on the outside and makes it so there’s a wall between you and her. Maybe she will be around for a long time, and maybe she’ll be a great addition to your child’s life. Also ask your child how they feel about “daddy’s girlfriend” (or even introduce her as just a friend at first) coming trick or treating, if they seem uncomfortable with it, then explain that to the father and stand your ground, if they seem happy about it or interested in meeting her then this would be the perfect opportunity to see what kind of person she is.
If nothing else, your child will have an extra person loving them and looking out for them, and I think that’s the most important part 
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Someone’s just mad that they got dumped lol
I don’t see the issue with dad & gf coming lol who cares that baby don’t know her and DGAF about her. . . YOU DO. That baby wants to see mommy and daddy getting along and get some damn candy. Why parents always making it about THEIR FEELINGS. F your feelings , does the baby want the dad there ? Yes then I guess you bout to meet flava flav of the week to boo.
So she …the gf…won’t let the man be around his own child without her…but moms seen as controlling? Ok
Then the best thing to do is split the time between you two parents if you both want to trick or treat and can’t get along because of partners.
Believe it or not who he has around your kids is really none of your business just as you would want him to treat who you’re around with the kids as none of his business.
The sooner you accept that the better.
Let her come, it’s his “friend”
Y’all are separated and you can not tell him he can’t be around his kids or be a family with the kids with another women, those are his kids too… he knows how to keep them safe, he wouldn’t let this women harm them. Stop being bitter…
If you were dating a man you’d have him around the kids but the father can’t have his gf around? Come on.
Grow up, the kids aren’t something to use as a threat to get your way, that’s abuse. “You can’t see your father because I don’t want his gf around” your going to make your kids grow without a father because your petty, they will hate you when they grow up and you’ll likely lose them. Stop being a babymama, be the mother of his kids.
I swear women act like this then cry when their kids don’t have a father meanwhile the mother is the one who pushed them away over being petty & controlling.
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He doesn’t need to be there either. Why would you invite him lol. He can take him the weekend before to all the trunk or treats and next year switch. That simple. Don’t make an issue when there shouldn’t be any. Parents get confused on needed to do stuff together for the kids…… no they don’t.
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It’s a shame it has to come to this. Let her come. If he changes them up. So be it it’s him that is going to be seen as irresponsible when they grow up. As long as they are not hurting the children wheres the harm. It’s one night.
Go without him then. You’re the one putting the stipulations. 
I think you should stick true to your guns. I wouldn’t want someone being introduced into my child’s life without my approval of them first, and I would definitely want to make sure they stuck around if my husband and I ever did get a divorce. Kids will always come first. You go momma!
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I think it sounds like a great opportunity to see if she’s the kinda gal you want around your child. It’s gonna happened either way regardless so you might as well be there
You’re making him choose. He has a right to see him and it doesn’t really matter about the females… You are his mom and you can’t be replaced I get not wanting women in and out but you really can’t stop him from that. Unless you still have some type of feelings for him let her join its not like she has to be in the pictures you take etc. She may stick around maybe he will settle down.
At least agree she’s “flavor of 4 months” I think you and her are the ones who shouldn’t be there. Let daddy go with his princess alone.
I’m the opposite I plead my ex to find a lover and to find someone who can love our son too 
a village is better then alone …I been on both ends from both sides the new girlfriends and the ex , let him bring her it better to know her now then later …
I can understand your point , but it’s trick or tricking, I will let her to come , that way you can get to know this girl , they are not going to be making out in fro t of your child . Just walking around with a lot of people around
Then I guess daddy don’t get to go trick or treating🤷🏻♀️ I always find it so weird when coparents try to force their new partner on their kids
Keep on like this and you should just do one year his year next yours… on all holidays! That’s his kid to. And you won’t have to be around them.
Invite the lady and move on with the childish games.
Make it about the child not about you or him
This entire situation is petty and the only thing that really matters is your young child having both parents there during trick or treating. Let it go. If she is just a fling you didn’t lose anything or gain anything except the happiness of your child.
Unfortunately, you don’t have a say in who he dates. Split the night. He has the child for a few hours and so do you.
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Does he have visits, ,if so, then he will meet her anyway. Just go together or let him take him for a hour and then you take him for an hour
Then go trick or treating by yourself. Eventually he will find a girl with kids and he’ll do family things with them. You’re a single mom now you don’t always get the family activities
If it’s not feelings involved I don’t see the problem you can’t control who he wants to date vice versa just let her come long as she’s respectful what’s the problem?? Now if she’s not I understand this I feel you’re over reacting
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I honestly, I was like this at first I didn’t want her there in the beginning! I mean he cheated on me with her while I was in labor. Anyways, after awhile I realized it wasn’t about my feelings or his. It was about our child. An I just wanted him happy at the end. So now if she comes with I just ask for no drama or smart ass comments.
I wouldn’t stay around either if he had a baby mama that wouldn’t let me come to events.
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I would go by myself. If he chooses not to go that’s on him
U take them ,then him and his girlfriend can take them,u guys aren’t together, it’s time to separate, let the kids know that they get two of everything , 2 birthday parties, 2 Christmases, 2 trick or treating
Why do you both have to go trick or treating? Honestly I loathe it. I get him ready but trick or treating is his dads thing. Make this your holiday with him and let him make his choices.
It may be a good chance for the child to have both parents together BUT if it doesn’t go well it could also be hurtful to them. If y’all don’t know how all of these people get along then you don’t really know if it’s a good idea or not. There is a chance the gf may be awful to her sooooo.
Until everyone gets to know each other THIS is not a way to find out. Meet with them before then and see. If it doesn’t go well then the child won’t be in the middle and you can set it up where mom takes him then meet up where dad can take over. Or dad can choose to not go. Either way I’d keep the child out of it.
Then just leave it and dont bother… in the end it’s his loss… he will be missing out 
no point in trying to co parent if it causes things like that… when you’re ready to co parent then try again but right now you both ain’t ready
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If he is wanting to be with his child … let him. I can tell you from experience it is very sad to watch your kids go through life without a father present. Let him be there for holidays even if the girlfriend is there, in the end it won’t matter to the child which flavor of the week is there … what will matter is that daddy is there.
I think you will be ok if she comes! It is truly about your child and they would want their dad there too.
Sounds like a bitter baby mom to me
Man pick your battles. Let the kids enjoy both their parents and whomever. Nobody said you had to like it or like her. It’s about the kids.
I won’t let any of his girlfriends around until after they have been together a year. Not that he can’t last that long.
Why are you still doing things as a couple?
My daughter isn’t meeting anyone I date until it’s been 6 months and even then it’ll be another 6 months until she knows he’s my boyfriend. Especially if he had kids…everyone needs to get along before I invest everything into a relationship.
Well how else are you gonna get to know her. Let her come
Then the other option is alternate years or split up the night
“Flavor of the week” got me 
Grow up and move on. It’s about your child not you and him.
They’ve been together for 4 months ,she isn’t just a flavor of the week by this point ,it’s time to grow up and meet her and see how she is around yalls kid and give it a chance otherwise don’t be pissed he doesn’t wanna go ,if y’all aren’t together then he doesn’t have to and could always just wait til his weekend or if he don’t have one take you to court get his weekends and then do holidays with the kid then .
I dunno. I’d let her come along. Maybe you two hit off? Maybe if they do break up you find it’s because she’s a nice girl you like. Look at her as just another queen hanging out with you and your daughter for the evening. Her place with the father might be awkward at first but perhaps remind your self he’s not your problem or your ex. Treat her with respect and as nothing more then you would a school helper lol. Go girl and hang in there.
I would just introduce the girlfriend. Hey this is Dad’s girlfriend or just friend until it is more serious. Meet her and get to know who will be around her kids and that way kids and dad get to be together too.
Trick or treat without him and his girlfriend…no Brainer…why he need go
Why can’t you take him trick or treating and then dad take him? Win for everyone including the kids because hey, double candy!
Let the gf tag along at least you’ll get to see how she is towards your kid and get to know her a bit.
I am trying to see the issue
You have offered me o include him, if he can’t do it because he’s to scared to trick or treat alone then he can stay home. Bye!
The real question is y r u making it a situation of choosing?
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She sounds insecure and you sound like you have feelings for said BD
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Seriously. Have her tag along. Then you can get a feel for who exactly is around your child when you are not! Who knows, maybe she’s awesome and you guys can be friends and work together to raise your child. My daughters stepmother was the biggest blessing they or I could’ve ever asked for. Even when I didn’t know if I could trust their dad or his judgement, I always k ew I could trust hers. I know that doesn’t happen often, but it always possible! Plus you’ll be showing your child what being a grown up really is. Besides, your child is probably going to be paying more attention getting candy than who is around.
You can’t tell him who he is going to date . We could all wish he wouldn’t bring women in and out of your child like fe . But it’s up to him . Good luck
If she’s involved in your child’s life, then it may be a good opportunity to show your child that everyone is there for her and loves her?
And you’ll be there too so you can see how she interacts with your child….
Then go by yourself. 
with time you’ll see and notice that it doesn’t matter if he’s there or not as long as that kiddo is happy. We forget and try to bring baby’s, kids into our adult world… but in reality we need to go into theirs. It’s a blessing to have a kiddo soo I can’t say it enough spend good time with them.
Well i was gonna suggest maybe offer to split the evening
Make it make sense? You’re a huge part of the immaturity it seems. Start there.
I don’t understand this. If this woman is going to be in the child’s life, wouldn’t you want to know what she’s like? Wouldn’t you want to be able to communicate with her? Be civil? My boys step mom and I talk more than I talk to their dad lol
4 months isn’t really “flavor of the week” is it? Take this opportunity to get to know her.
Why does he need to go trick or treating with you?
Why can’t the gf be around? Is she a threat to the kid or does it just hurt your feelings to see him with someone else?
Different county’s usually do different days/times, Why can’t he take the kid trick or treating himself on a different day?
Just an FYI, when you place those rules on the other parent, they get placed on you & I’ve seen it backfire where a judge will add 6months to a year on BOTH parents. 4 months is a decent amount of time so I’d say use this opportunity to meet her in a public setting & actually witness yourself how she interacts with your child & go from there. This rarely works out in court which is why the phrase “Your time is your time & his time is his time.” You don’t get to control his life choices once your no longer together-kid or not.
And my daughters father had a new GF move in after breaking up with his previous GF 2months before. That GF has now been there for over 5yrs & she’s amazing with my daughter. Give the GF a chance.
Let him ruin it , the kid will see when theyre older
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What’s the magic number though? It’s only been 4 months, 6 months, a year?! It’s up to dad to decide when he brings people around and up to dad to address it if the girl suddenly isn’t around .
While four months may not be very long, I think that it’s a good opportunity to see who your ex is dating and to meet her. I say look your best, take a shot and conquer that night like the bad ass mama you are.
I personally think the OP is in the wrong, as a mother and step mom. She’s being immature. And sounds like she just really really wants alone time with her ex.,… Feelings still there clearly.
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Why would you want to go with him, why don’t you go with your child and then he can go with his child later on