It almost sounds like you did it in purpose. He said he didn’t want kids, but would step up if he got a woman pregnant now your pissed he isn’t stepping up. He had a choice just like you did on weather to give birth. Move on. Leave him alone.
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Straight up if it’s an FWB it’s absolutely ridiculous to expect anything from them.
Anybody with an FWB relationship needs to write up a contract and get all that shit out in the open first and foremost.
When I did that sort of thing it was straight up agreed on in the beginning if something happened I would terminate the pregnancy and if for some reason I didn’t want to they would have absolutely nothing to do with it no responsibility towards it at all because that was my choice not theirs.
You were friends with benefits. He probably didn’t sign up for this. Kinda naive to expect something from someone when the situation was clear in the first place. I mean that’s not an excuse for him to have an out but you both were consenting adults and knew what would happen. Prepare to be a single mom.
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Let him go . Yes , go for child support . You can have it taken out of his check if the judge approves . Clearly , he did not want this child . You can be both parents … even if it’s very hard ( and it will be ) . The rewards are great ! Remember , God is the father of the fatherless !
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Get a family lawyer and inquire about the options you have in your State
Run you dont need a looser like him
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I personally wouldn’t. Once you file child support you’ll have to put his surname on the BC if he denies it. You’ll need a paternity test to prove it and once it’s proven that will also mean you’ll need his signature in the future for certain schools for example catholic not saying you would but for example boarding schools, passports, government documents ect. It’s hard to get from someone who didn’t want to be apart of it in the beginning!
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you can do it great without him. maybe even better. 100% of your time and emotion focused on the baby only. decisions are all yours. you never have to worry about catering for him. you cant force him to man up. enjoy your precious gift all to yourself and he misses out on the best experience ever
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I have 5 kids ( 2 father’s, 4 kids to 1 guy,1 to the other ) I don’t claim child support for any of them,neither father is around for their kids,neither of them want to be in their kids lives,so I work my ass off to support them myself,I don’t need their help I can do this all myself
Just have him sign the rights over and take your child and move on. Why would you want a man who doesn’t want a baby to have access to your child? He told you he didn’t want one and that was his choice to not want to be a father. You went thru with it and chose to be a mother. Now it’s time to put your big girl panties on and get on with your life.
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How old are you 
this question was a waste of time to even read. And I’m aware I didnt have to comment but i did just to let you know that, again, waste of time
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I was gonna wrote just screw him 
honestly just don’t even bother at most tell him when the child is born
Yes l would 18 teen years are long time.
Nope. Never involve a bitter or reluctant or uninterested person in raising a baby. It just brings pain for you and the child. In the long run, you are better off without the drama. Have him sign off rights discretely and quietly. He was a sperm donor-- no more, no less.
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I would just take him for child support if he wants visitation judge will give it to him unfortunately though you guys were just friends with benefits you should have used protection
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im not seeing in this post that he told her he never wanted a baby from the beginning. he stated “if he got someone pregnant he would set up”. to me that sounds like “if it happens it happens, and ill support the baby somehow” but now that its happened he says no thanks. unless im misinterpreting that
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Drop him, move on with your life, if you force him he’s only going to resent you.
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Yes take him he should’ve been more careful then. He doesn’t get a free pass.
Truly sorry this happened, his loss, but friends with benefits pretty much means sexual partners with no commitment, sending prayers for you and baby💕
Same thing happened to me. file for child support ASAP when baby is born. get the Lawyer to draw up papers that he pays insurance and child support. Then file for FULL custody. Good luck. Oh and don’t fall for him saying that we can do this without paperwork. YOU CAN NOT believe us when we say it
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Yes put him on child support ASAP. He needs to be financially responsible for the baby whether or not he wants to be in its’ life. If he made the grown up decision to have sex with you then he needs to be a grown man and take care of his responsibilities. Right now I’m sure it’s hard thinking you are alone but all that matters is you and baby. Don’t worry about him or what he wants to be or not be. He can figure that out on his own. Just do you and baby.
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You were a friend with benefits. If you wanted to lock you down, he would have.
Please, just leave it. For the childs sake. You dont want his permission for every choice you make for the child.
He has made his feelings clear. Move on. Be the best mother you can be.
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Of COURSE you file for child support.
Who cares if he wants anything to do with you or the baby? IRRELEVANT.
You’ve got this. He was just a FWB .
You DON’T need him. Your probably going to want to hold him to his financial OBLIGATIONS tho.
Tell him fine, better yet, don’t tell him shit, serve him with paternity and CS papers after baby is born.
Throw the whole man away and raise that baby solo 
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Friends with benefits? To me that means a noncommittal relationship. No promises of a happy ever after just friends who have sex. So knowing this up front you still had unprotected sex. You screwed up big time.
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Legally get child support and make an agreement he doesn’t have any parental requirements outside of child support. Then get it together and support that baby because both parents can’t opt out. Baby deserves more than that
You don’t have to ask him for child support…he will say no. Go to the child support office and file anyway. He will have to be placed on the birth certificate and probably will have to do a DNA test if y’all ain’t married. OR you can leave him off and just give it a go on your own. If you do the 2nd options you would not get child support but he would not be able to claim any rights until the child is legitimized. Meaning he can’t say “I want to see my child” and you having to meet up.
Yes it’s his responsibility also…you play you pay,you didn’t make that baby alone
Let him be, don’t acknowledge his existence, you and the baby will be better off with out him or his money
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He needs to pay child support! My sons dad did the same thing to us shortly after he was born! He has to pay child support with a judge having a court order. He can’t just think he can walk away like nothing happend!
Get child support and move on.
Its better for the child not to have a father at all than ones thats forced to be there.
If he doesn’t want 2 b involved let him go but every child deserves child support.
You should definitely get child support even if you don’t need it. Put it in a account for your child when he or she grow’s up. Also I would take him telling me he’s not going to be there as a heads up and mentally and physically prepare myself to raise my child alone. I look at the bright side at least you know what to expect and don’t put yourself through all of the motions of trying to force him to be a dad. All the best !
I would ask him to sing over his rights to the child
Id you apply for state aid like snap, medicaid, etc. They will automatically attempt to reach the father for support
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Yes. Just file, if he pays then he pays but don’t count on it.
If you CAN do it alone, do it alone. Child support is a headache for a lot of single parents even when the co-parent WANTS to be a part of the child’s life.
Besides, when you’re raising that kid all by yourself and 9 years down the line he all of a sudden demands visitation, you might be thankful he has no paternal rights because he’s not even on the birth certificate. If you find and marry a man who wants to adopt your child, you don’t have to go through red tape to strip parental rights in order to make that happen.
If you absolutely need the financial assistance, you don’t ASK for child support. You let the court TELL him he’s paying child support. If you play you pay
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There are ways of getting out of paying child support my child’s father works under the table so he doesn’t have to. Just don’t rely on his help
100% apply for child support, thats what happens when Men dont want to use condoms!
Depends. Has he been straight forward about not wanting it throughout the whole pregnancy?
If yes then no. You made your choice to have the baby. You could have aborted. If women have a choice men should too. Have him sign his rights away and be done with him.
Now if he made it sound like he was going to help raise the baby and changed his mind after you couldn’t abort? He should pay child support. He didn’t give you a choice at that point and if he won’t step up and be a dad he should at least have to help pay for it.
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Dna test to 100% make sure then go from there
I personally would offer to have him sign his rights away and be done with it
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He probably won’t help you. If you go after him for child support, he’ll fight it and you’ll have to jump through hoops in court. Then by the time he is required to pay it, he’ll just give you more headaches as you try to go after the money every month. …if it were me though I’d be extra bitter, I’d probably tag him in a Facebook post saying how happy I am to be pregnant with his child so that his friends and family know, because he deserves to be judged for being an ass.
You can do this alone. If you have family and friends, rely on them. Build a support system. Even if you don’t, it’ll be hard, but worth it in the end. And no kid needs a dad in their life who doesn’t want them anyway.
Or, if you are strong enough you can do adoption. Personally that would be too hard for me, but if you think you have the emotional strength, that’s another option.
He said when you found out your pregnant he don’t want the baby but you chose to keep the baby anyway knowing this so you can’t go after him for child support ect as he made his feelings pretty clear from the beginning
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Sorry but you were only a peice on the side no commitment. And he has told you he doesnt want the baby. Why didnt you use birth control. You also decided to keep the baby but with luck he might come around when bubs is born but dont count on it
My baby daddy left 3 days after I told him I was pregnant. We were only together a month and he has other kids. I don’t get child support because I don’t want him involved in my child’s life and don’t want to risk him having any rights. I am a single mom with only my income to support us and I’m making it work. It is up to you. If you want your baby’s father involved then yes definitely get him for child support if you would rather him stay away then its up to you if you want to go through getting child support set up and hope he doesn’t get rights or anything. Personally I am happy I don’t have the extra drama I know it would cause with him. He should pay child support but it is ultimately up to you and what would make you most comfortable.
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Should’ve had an abortion. He didn’t want a kid to begin with, you knew that. Get over it.
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Sounds like you tried to trap him because feelings grew and now upset because he doesn’t want to be part of it with you. Being FRIENDS with benefits you should have already known he wouldn’t want anything more that.
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Cut him loose and never look back 
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If he didn’t want the baby and told you straight then you can’t be upset that his not being “dad” … I’m a single mother with 2 kids. 6 month old and 2 year old, us woman are capable of anything and I’m sure you’ll raise baby just fine on your own!
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I wouldn’t ask for child support. I’d manage on my own. Child support opens the door for him to change his mind years later when the kid is easier to care for and suddenly fight for shared custody. If he doesn’t wanna be there now he shouldn’t be able to layer when the kid is older and easier and you struggled. Let him walk.
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Although its sad he doesn’t want to have anything to do with both of you, can I ask, what did you expect ? Friends with benefits doesnt mean get pregnant and expect him to conform to what happened. Regardless, you don’t need him to raise a child. If he doesnt want anything to do with the both of you, do it on your own. So many women go through even worse and still raise beautiful children. Dont live for others or to feel accepted by a man.
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I say ask for child support. At the end of the day, it takes two to tango. He laid with you unprotected and you weren’t on BC. Now there’s a child involved and both have to be responsible: whether there’s a relationship or not. If he doesn’t want to pay and be responsible he needs to sign over his rights to you. You got it either way!
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No do the child support. He helped make the baby and he may not have anything to do with the little bubba in person but he can damn well help support them.
Its not a headache at all, I left my ex partner because he was awful and my application for child support was easy and he HAS to pay. Do it swetheart it helps make life easier xx
Are people in this group serious with their responses? I feel like I’m in the twilight zone when I read people’s comments on this page!!! People are rude insensitive judge mental. Wtf is wrong with you people? You both made a baby together, it is both your responsibility wether he likes it or not!!! Maybe he won’t be in the child’s life, that’s his loss. But he definitely will have to help support the child financially if that is what you chose to do. And you have ever right to. F these people who say different!!! Good luck and God bless 
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I wouldn’t worry about him. I would ask for child support but dont depend on it.
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He doesn’t want u or ur baby. If u ask for child support he can at anytime request visitation and custody keep that in mind. Or u can have him give up his rights and b done with him.
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If he didnt want children should of done something to prevent it. He made this child and now he needs to support it till he or she is 18 years of age.
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Don’t force someone if they don’t want to be apart of it. It will just cause more troubles , dramas and heartache for you. Im too a single mum , not by choice. My then husband and I planned it, but it turns out he never wanted it but let the pregnancy prevail. He never took part in the daily care, and eventually we separated for this reason. Not once did I force it on him. If he wanted to be apart of it, he would have.
I may be a little biased. I have been a single mother for most of my daughter’s life. Her father is an addict. I’ve never intentionally kept her away from him, he did that all by himself. She’s 6 now and doesn’t know who he is. I haven’t asked for a dime. I don’t want it. He should be obligated to help, sure. He wanted to have kids, sure. But I guess my pride said no, if he doesn’t want to step up then I’ll do it on my own. And so I have. 
Her step father has stepped up to the plate luckily, and as far as she is concerned that is her dad.
I think that you are absolutely entitled to child support. This is just how I’ve handled it.
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Go apply for assistance they will help you with child support leave the rest to god and time meanwhile have fun with your child time is precious
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I have 2 children. When I found out I was pregnant, I told the father. Told him I was keeping the child and I gave him the option to stay or leave. One said he was staying, and he’s still here, taking care of both actually, because father number 2 decided he didn’t want to stay. 13 years and I’ve never gone after him. I respected his decision. But if he ever changes his mind, he can’t come back. He gave up his rights.
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Yes. He needs held responsible for his actions! Its his kid too. But if u decide not to. U CAN do it as a single mom and u will.find someone to love u and that blessing u were given, all in good time!
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If he doesn’t want to be present in the child’s life that’s his choice and yes you can do it on your own. BUT get a lawyer and file for child support, he is legally obligated to help financially.
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I left my sons father when he was 6 months old. Had child support put in within a month. I could smell the deadbeat on him. 19 years spent constantly getting a lil here and a lil there. Come be in my sons life for a little bit then gone for years on end. Everytime he got a tax return or pulled over and they took him to jail and he’d get bailed out…that money came straight to me for back owed. You get it on him like the second you leave the hospital. If he doesn’t want to handle his responsibilities then the state will make him.
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Ladies just don’t enter into a friends with benefits , I mean why would YOU? Because a lot of women will get emotionally attached with this arrangement where as a lot of men would quite happily keep having benefits with that so called friend and have no emotional attachment at all but life lessons to learn . A man won’t always instantly love a child just because it’s biologically his either . As for this man just leave him be and IF once the baby arrives he feels differently and wants involvement fair enough . I am certain your friends with benefits arrangement is OVER
Yes, you should set up child support. It takes TWO to make a baby. Even if he doesn’t want anything to do with the child, he should still be half responsible. If he didn’t want a child he shouldn’t have done the action to make a child.
You can’t force him to be there physically or emotionally, so don’t try. Both of you should be financially responsible, so once the baby is here move forward with a child support case… Hopefully he will change his mind, but be prepared to do this without a co-parent. Best of luck…
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I was a single mom for the first 14 months and I fought tooth and nail for support from him. He never showed up, never cared for his daughter and never provided for her. I went after child support and won, but honestly, when it comes down to it, it’s on you mama. You don’t need any “man” to help raise your child, you will find the strength to push through and will reap the benefits of being a parent. Focus your attention on that blessing of a baby and all will come together! I promise, but you have to want to be a good mom.
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Hell yes you should ask for child support!! He helped make this child!! You didn’t make a baby by yourself so u shouldnt have to raise the child on your own. Good luck hun
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If you were only friends w benefits why didn’t you BOTH take precautions. NOW, You are a single parent and tge guy who didnt want kids is gonna be stuck paying Child Support for a child he didn’t want!! Just get child support and that’s it. You can’t force someone to love you or your child. Im sorry, but both responsible people!!!
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Absolutely ask for support/maintenance!! This baby is partly his responsibility too, I don’t understand how people figure that they’re along for the good time, but anything after is exactly an afterthought!!
Paying support is a reminder that its time to grow up and take some responsibility for their actions.
You will do fine! There are alot of supports to help you through this!! Stay Strong Mommy to Be…You will Do Just Fine without him! Besides, you don’t need 2 children to care for…and obviously, he is still a child…
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If you can afford it have him sign rights away now! Will save so much drama and heartache for you and your baby for years! You can focus on loving your baby and yourself!
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Of course you should ask for support! That baby didn’t make itself. If he bows out of being a parent we’ll so be it, it sounds like you would be better off. However he will have to support the CHILD financially
Lots of good advice in here. Also from strong single parents doing their best not needing a penny from the fathers.
If a man tells you he doesn’t want anything to do with you or your baby. He’s not even saying his baby, but your baby! That should be a sign for to cut all ties. He mentioned in the past that if he gets a woman pregnant he will step up. But he wasn’t talking about you being that woman!!! That alsoooo should be a sign. Spare yourself and that baby a lot of hurt and all the drama that comes along with that andbe the best mom that baby as you can. You can do it. You were playing a dangerous game and you in some way knew it. The wright man willing to step up will come along and you’ll be much smarter next time! Wishing you all the best.
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Hes the one missing out in the best thing in life. Walk away, don’t include him in anything, don’t give the baby his last name or anything. File for child support if you want and/or need the help. I done it, my now husband didn’t even meet our son until he was 9months old, then didn’t see him again for 7months, then not again for 4 months. I didnt have help from him at all, he wasn’t on the birth certificate and baby didn’t have his last name.
I was in the same exact situation. Shoulda known better as he was asucky parent to his young daughter from his ex. I let it go was fortunate enough to find my husband who has been a father to my son he is the one on his birth certificate and my son doesn’t know any different who needs some deadbeat around it wont benefit you or your child. IM not saying go find another man in my case I was lucky the way things happened. Its just not worth it to fight foe someone who doesn’t care just enjoy and love your child the rest will fall into place. If you need child support do what you need to and move on.
You said right off you were friends with benefits so you knew he was not committed. You either consciously or unconsciously got pregnant trying to change the dynamics of your relationship. Now a baby is involved. Birth control is the responsibility of both of you, not just the women. You cannot force him to have a relationship with the child but yes do go for child support, even unplanned or unwanted babies must eat, be clothed, go to the dr. ETC. DO BETTER IN THE FUTURE BUT MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. NEVER TRY TO TRAP A MAN. When you trap an animal it only has to purposes, to get out the trap and to get as far away from the hunter as possible to escape.
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Get child support regardless !! It is for the child to live a better life . Dont believe the you shouldn’t crowd get it friend or not !! Thays a separate matter all together . As far as the 2 of you go he already showed his true intentions let that dog sleep
This is honestly a tough call. If you can afford to raise the child on your own I wouldn’t really push the child support or even the relationship. However if you need the help supporting the child by all means file for child support. I personally would never try to force anyone to be in my kids life that doesn’t want to be there because it only hurts the kid in the end. But it is his financial responsibility to atleast help in that manner if needed.
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To bad if he didn’t want to be a dad he should have took precaution if he doesn’t want to be in your baby’s life fine but it’s his responsibility to pay support if you don’t need it fine but you didn’t get pregnant by yourself he needs to pay if he doesn’t he will think twice before he has unprotected sex this is just my opinion
Personally, and yes this will be an unpopular decision but I wouldn’t. I would keep him completely off everything and give him no rights so he can’t come later and decide he has a say! I had a similar situation and I am soooo glad I did things the way I did it helped me in the long run!
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I think that if a man is adamant from the beginning about not wanting to be apart of the babies life then he doesn’t need to be or pay.
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Was in a similar situation with my son, my advice don’t force him to be in the child’s life. It’s his loss. I looked into child support but my BD didn’t make much and it was figured I’d get $85 a month and he’d get 50% custody if he wanted it. I decided my child’s stability and well being were more important then $85/month. My son is now 17 and is doing great and could care less about his dad.
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Yes ask for child support and you will get money to help you and the baby. But he needs to own up to hes actions because if he going around having sex with more woman he needs to be stopped
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Oh hell yes on child support. Could care less if he is in child’s life. Make a life for you and child
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Yes, get child support. Is his family aware of the baby? Grandparents are a wonderful source of help with raising grandkids in this situation.
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I don’t know where you live but I’m in the UK and if a parent pays child support they can apply for access for the child (if they can be bothered). Some fathers obviously want to be involved which is great but it sounds like this man isn’t. I personally think you should cut all ties and raise the baby alone because it sounds like even if he did try and get involved, it wouldn’t be genuine. I think it’s worse to have someone dip in and out of your child’s life and leave them in a state of being on edge. That little baby does not deserve that. You have got to protect your child and if eventually this guy grows up and wants to step up then that’s an issue for the future. Don’t ever feel pressured into putting your baby in a situation you aren’t happy with.
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He is just as responsible as you are. Their are so many “bio dads” out there that don’t help take care of what they helped create…I think going for child support is a great option bc its not fair for the mother to just be the responsible one…
You don’t have to ask For child support if he’s not willing to put you down with that office in the file and there are plenty of other men who would love to be a dad they don’t have to be the birth dad to be a dad
In time he may come around but you can’t live your life like that. Move on because you deserve a man that loves you. File and get child support. You will need it.
I honestly would just cut him out completely and ask him to sign off on parental rights 
my mom never asked for a penny from my dad, she was totally content with just having him completely out of our lives… when u deal with court and child support and then him later coming back and possibly wanting a relationship with his kid (which the courts could give him some sort of visitation even if he hasn’t been around or paid child support, stupid but it happens) it’ll be such a huge pain in ur ass and difficult for ur baby… just walk away hun and surround u and baby with people who do want to be there
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Yes you are right but unfortunately not all men feel that way. Even if he cuts loose all his rights legally family services can come after him If you get a check from them. Good luck.
Leave him alone if he doesn’t want to be involved. You can’t force him to be there.
Just focus on your baby, when you hold them for the first time you’ll realize that you don’t need anyone else. I was a single mom at age 16. Dad was a 22yr old deadbeat and he was involved because he had no where to live when our son was 2. Now that we broke up over 2yrs ago, he wants nothing to so with our kid (he was age 7, now is 10).
I’d look into your state laws. Here if they pay child support, they get visitation rights. But if you opt out then they have nothing. There are so many programs for a single mom, you will do off better alone than dragging someone along.
Get a lawyer find out what your rights are. He will probabkly have to pay child support and he might even come around when the babies born. Will probably ask for a DNA test. Just do what you need to do for you and your baby. Let him go for now
Get child support and raise your child. Hopefully you will meet someone who will be a positive impact on your child.
You can’t force anyone to be in your child’s life. Plain and simple. I speak from experience. Just love your child with all you have… everything else will work itself out
I’d wait and see if he changes his mind once the baby gets here. If he doesn’t step up then go ahead and get child support. I waited until my ex didn’t see the kids for 2 years then I filed abandonment. He has to pay child support but has no rights to the kids. It’s been 6 years since he’s seen the kids. The last time he saw them was when he left. He didn’t even say good bye to them. Hasn’t sent so much as a birthday card since. I would consult a lawyer where you live to find out what the laws are.
Most certainly get child support! Regardless if he wants to be in the child’s life physically or not… still has a financial responsibility! If he won’t help with support, go to court, get maintenance enforcement involved if need be! Laid in bed… made the baby… he knew what could possibly happen! It take 2 to make a baby!
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Well the first step is when you give birth you need to then legally prove he is the father of he denies it as his own
Then once proven he will have no choice and the child support will be deducted by his employer
So unfortunately it’s not going to be a quick process to get help but you just have to forget him and focus on yourself and the baby
Lots of people will disappoint you in life so you need to try and say to yourself he’s out of the picture