My Baby's Father Wants Nothing to Do With Me or Baby: Should I Fight for Child Support?

Motherhood
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QUESTION:

"The father of my unborn child didn’t want the baby when we found out I was pregnant. We were only friends with benefits, and now he basically acts like me and the baby don’t exist.

I’m upset because I thought he’d be there for me as he said in the beginning that he’d always step up if he got someone pregnant, but now that I’m six months along, I’m worried. But if he’s not gonna help me raise it, should I ask for child support?"

RELATED QUESTION: Should I Drop the Child Support Case Against My Ex?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“This also happened to me and let me tell you it is SO much easier to just move on with your life and be the absolute best parent you can be. Don’t put him on the birth certificate and don’t take him to court for child support. Best choice of my life not having done that because I don’t have to worry about him trying to pull anything and take my son from me.”

“You were friends with benefits. He probably didn’t sign up for this. Kinda naive to expect something from someone when the situation was clear in the first place. I mean that’s not an excuse for him to have an out but you both were consenting adults and knew what would happen. Prepare to be a single mom.”

“You were a friend with benefits. If you wanted to lock you down, he would have. Please, just leave it. For the child’s sake. You don’t want his permission for every choice you make for the child. He has made his feelings clear. Move on. Be the best mother you can be.”

“Honestly, I’m going through this right now too. The baby is a depo baby and I knew going into it he didn’t want kids so I wasn’t shocked when he chose not to be involved. Cut your losses and just raise baby the best you can. Just because you file doesn’t mean he will pay it. I have no intention of filing or putting him on the birth cerificate. That was his choice so I’m honoring it. And trust me, it’s a lot easier that way down the line.”

“The father of my son told me he ruined his life. I was 21, my son is now 10 and we have had an amazing man who has been his daddy since he was 2. We don’t deal with child support or anything because if he didn’t want to be a part of it I didn’t want him providing us money so he could decide one day he had rights. It worked for us. My son doesn’t have daddy issues, but I’ve also always been honest with him about it. Things don’t always work.out the way you plan hun but its not always a bad thing.”

“If he doesn’t want to man up to be a dad, tell him to sign the papers and give all rights to you. No responsibility to you or your blessing and move on. Keep your head up and keep moving. You will be blessed with or without him.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

1 Like
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Def get child support. Its so unfair that the men get to decide that they don’t want to be a parent when they’re just as responsible for creating another life. The least he could have done is wear a condom if he didn’t want a child so the next least thing he can do is pay child support.

6 Likes
3

I would take this as a blessing in disguise and drop him from your life.

12 Likes
4

Everyone has a right to decide if they want to be a parent or not. You can’t make him be a dad any more than you can make a woman be a mom if they don’t want to. If you want to keep the baby, take him to court and have him release all his parental rights to you. Then keep living your life with your baby. This will prevent him taking you to court further down the road when he decides he does want to be a parent. Either he is in from the beginning or he is out!

15 Likes
5

Yes of course. He has to be responsible even if it is just economically. What is my personal belief is that I will not force anyone who does not want to be part of my child’s life to be in it. But he is still responsible for child support because if he didn’t want a child her should have worn a condom or had a vasectomy. Birth control is a two street.

6

Take
Him to court for support and enjoy your new love :heart:

2 Likes
7

Your child has the right to have financial support from the father. But let go of the dream that he will help you raise the child and get on with life without him around. Enjoy your baby.

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8

If you need the financial support, then you’re only option is to go to court for child support. But also know that means he’s entitled to his rights as well still with visitation. If you don’t need the support, then I’d say drop his a** like a hot potato. I would still legally go to court and see if you can terminate his rights. However, from what I know, terminating parental rights isn’t as easy as people think. The judge decides to do what is in the best interest of the child. And a parent saying “I don’t want any kids” isn’t gonna fly in court. The judge will tell him that he should have wrapped it up x10 if that was the issue. Good luck!

3 Likes
9

Forget him, but get the child support.

10

Put him in child support asap it takes two to make a child but your going to raise the child by urself it’s not easy but it can be done

489

I agree.however she should’ve made him wear a condom!

11

File for the child support. You will need it in the long run and kick him to the curb! He’s not much of a friend if he bailed on you. Stay strong, you can do this without him.

12

Yup see if you can mine never paid

13

In order to get child support, he will have parental rights. I would just disappear from him rather than a legal nightmare, and you dont want him deciding anything for a child he doesn’t love

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14

Draw up parental termination papers (which I dont think you can do until after the baby is born because I think they require a DNA test) and be rid of him… You can choose to live a happy peaceful life with your child or you can live a life of stress, battling for child support, and money in the courts, and a kid being forced on weekend visits with a man who doesn’t want it around unless he has a new girlfriend and needs the kid as an “I’m a great father” prop.

15

I say dont get involved in child support because what if he never pays and still has rights of his child andbone day just out of nowhere decides to take your child? It is better to cut off all ties from right now

5 Likes
16

He clearly said he didn’t want the child, you can’t hook him on the line for something he stated he wants no part of, if he’s smart he will walk into court and sign his rights off, then he can’t be touched for a child he didn’t want. Really want to tell your child daddy supports you but doesn’t want you? Just walk away and take care of the child you wanted, many women have done it, my mom did! And so have I!

17

If he don’t want to be there then you don’t want him around period… That is how bad things happen…

4 Likes
18

Don’t put him on the birth certificate then if he wanted something to do with the kid he’ll have to take you for a paternity test and court . And in that case yes take him for child support but if he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby and you don’t need financial help , let him go …anyone who doesn’t want to be a parent will never do what’s best for the kid if they are forced .

11 Likes
19

The least SHE could have done was use birth control because obviously if he thought and knew they were friends with benefits why would you put yourself in the position to get Knocked Up

11 Likes
20

Of course(child support) n never let the “smuck” see the bb(n if u do, have “secure” visits!) can’t trust guys like that!

1 Like
21

He should have wrapped it if he didn’t want kids!

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22

The advice here is really bad. First off she can’t just ignore him and he will go away and she goes on with her life. He can change his mind down the road and sue for parental rights. If she does not want him in her or her child’s life she has to take him to court to terminate his parental rights. If he does not want to give up his parental rights then he has to pay child support. Contact a lawyer so that you and your child are protected.

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490

Definitely go for child support. You need money to raise a child. I ended up working two jobs my whole life in order to raise my kids.

23

Wow this is definitely my life with my son. Same scenario, same BS. The donor has never seen his son ever. Take him to court to get child support. I had to get a paternity test too because he was confident it wasn’t his and I loved seeing his face at court when the judge said he was the father. He will never be there for you and trust me it’s for the best! If he’s not consistent everything has to be through the court

24

Court for child support! Or get his to give up all rights. Or just drop him all together if you don’t need the support.

25

No. 1) He told you from the beginning he didn’t want to be involved. 2) If you go after him for support then he gets custody rights and you don’t want someone making choices for a child they don’t want.

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26

Everyone says child supporr. What is it going to do? Nothing! Can’t force him be a dad when he doesn’t want to be. I wish my would sign his rights over. Just do you! You got this. Be a strong a mama and take care of your baby. Fuck him and you two deserve so much more. Don’t push yourself back

27

Yes file for child support file for anything that he should be paying half for! Formula get on WICid file for food stamps n put him as abandon father !! The state will get half that he refuses to help out with oh yes they’ll garnish his wages ,n hold income tax returns I’ve been told,

28

Should have used protection to avoid this situation BUT do YOU want the baby even if he’s not in the picture? That child will forever come first in your life and it’s about to drastically change! Follow your heart, definitely take his dumb to court for child support he doesn’t need to be in their life but he helped make the child so he can help support it as well!

29

Honestly just have him give up parental rights. If he doesn’t want to be a father then so be it. But if you decide to get child support he will need parental rights and if 1 day he decides to be a father and try and get custody then guess what he CAN. Are you ready for that? How do you feel about being a single parent? I’m a single parent and it’s not for the faint of heart but its true what they say through blood, sweat and tears the reward is so much better and bigger then you could’ve imagined. Both of you guys made this baby but whatever you do its all about the baby now. What is best for the baby in the future?

1 Like
30

Child support is not guaranteed. He could continuously change jobs or never file taxes. I’d say forget about him and for you to go to therapy. Especially if you had strong feelings for him. Can’t force someone to be a parent.

31

Don’t put him on the birth certificate and don’t give the baby his last name. These are two things I seriously regret doing.

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32

Both of you should have kept your pants on

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33

This woman did not come here for judgement, she came here seeking a little compassion, support, and thoughtful advice. My thoughts, prayers, and a big hug to you and your baby.

34

Fwb… and you’re upset??? Really??? You want help… not gonna happen from THAT scenario. Once baby is born get paternity test and child support. Expect nothing else. There are no feelings and no reason for him to coparent sounds like. You should have thought this through before engaging in unprotected sex just for sake of having sex. This is your bed. Now live in it.

2 Likes
35

You’ll get child-support it sounds like you won’t get anything else he didn’t wanna be a father and no matter what he said saying you’re going to make an eighteen year commitment and actually making one aretwo different things

36

Yes… why wouldn’t you? That’s money is for your child. Doesn’t matter if you have a good job and “can do it all by yourself”… put it in a college fund then🤷🏻‍♀️

37

U betcha. Take him to court. Everything is fun n games till he makes a baby! Don’t put him on the birth certificate but make him pay child support.

3 Likes
38

You both should’ve took responsibility for using protection…you can do something about an unwanted pregnancy BUT what about diseases and HIV ?? Do you really want anything to do with a “man” who told you straight out he wants nothing to do with you or the child he helped make ? If you keep the baby enjoy him/her I hope you have a good support network around you …but next time you indulge fwb make sure you both use protection then you won’t have another unwanted baby

1 Like
39

File child’s support immediately after baby is born… he’s not with you or the baby now and probably won’t be… ever.
I know a few girls that have gone through this and these boys don’t come around. A baby won’t make a “man” stay. I hope you have a good supportive people around you when the baby comes. I wish you luck!

40

Speak to a lawyer who is experienced in family law to get the best advice .

41

If this was my situation I’d just go it alone, he told you he doesn’t want anything to do with you or the baby and as much as it hurts you have to do what is right for you and your baby.
I’d maybe ask if he’s willing to contribute money wise, if not then do it alone. Cut all ties with him, he sounds like a boy rather than a man!
He may come round once the baby is born🤞🏼
If he’s named on the birth certificate or you go for CS he has legal rights to the baby and could come back at any point and see the child.
You have to do what is right and not what you feel you want. You can’t make someone be there if they don’t want to… good luck and congratulations :blue_heart::sparkling_heart: xxx

42

Get it writing then get full custody of your child as some men decide to change their minds and go straight to court years later

43

He helped make it he has to help support it.

2 Likes
44

How early did he let you know he doesn’t want a child?

45

I mean it kind of sounds like he told you from the beginning he didn’t want the baby so I’m confused as to why you’re upset that he still doesn’t act like you and the baby exist?

I would definitely be taking him for child support if that’s the only role he wants to play.

23 Likes
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Yes file after birth they will want a DNA test

1 Like
47

Yeah sorry seems like a lost cause for him to help you raise the baby but I’d definitely get him for child support. You’ll most likely need a DNA test though

2 Likes
48

Don’t ask expect and demand force if necessary. It takes too. But don’t expect much support unless he grows up some.

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49

The only men who shouldn’t be put on child support are the ones who willingly help provide. Now’s not the time to feel bad. Babies cost money. We all know the possible repercussions of unprotected sex and he made that gamble. But remember, child support should pay half. It is not a means to live or to pay for all of baby’s needs.

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50

If he doesn’t want to man up to be a dad tell him sign the papers and give all rights to you … No responsibility to you or your blessing and move on… Keep your head up and keep moving … You will be blessed with or without him

6 Likes
51

Cant make a man be a father sounds like u knew from the start u would be doing this alone I wouldn’t go for child support as for then he will be entitled to time with the baby. I say cut ur loss and do it on ur own.

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52

He didnt want a kid in the beginning…you knew this…you both should have been more careful or kept your clothes on.

Women up. I had to do it with my first. It was hard as hell but hes my best little guy

13 Likes
53

Why would you not he needs to take some kind of responsibility

4 Likes
54

You can try to get him for child support but unless it’s automatically garnished and given to you, they can’t force him to pay it. He can go to jail for not paying but that does y’all no good since he can’t pay it from there either :woman_shrugging:t2: if I were you, I’d cut my loses and raise my baby on my own, with nothing from him. It’ll be hard, especially at first, but I’ll be damned if I keep anyone in my life AT ALL that doesn’t want my kid(s).

55

Don’t put him on the birth certificate and just move on with your life. If he wants nothing to do with you now, he probably won’t later and child support won’t change his mind. Yes it might help you financially but think long term if you want to deal with the drama and headache of an irresponsible person in your life.

2 Likes
56

No
if he doesn’t want to don’t. Let him walk away if you do all anything and later on he and his future girl will have your kid on the weekends and you will not have any say so who and what is around your child Red flag :triangular_flag_on_post: take it and run

3 Likes
57

Can’t force fatherhood on somebody… but you can take their money

2 Likes
58

Let him go and move on. Trust me it’s not worth the battle

2 Likes
59

Yup child support ! He helped make the baby he can help provide ! Common sense sex leads to children , he knew that too. It’s not all fun and games anymore he’s about to learn !

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60

Of course he told you what you wanted to hear in order to get your pants on the floor.
Leave him be til the baby is born. Get a DNA test to prove him wrong, and take him to court for child support.

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61

Yeah go ahead n file for child support but doesn’t mean he’ll pay :woman_shrugging:t3: also he told u in the beginning he doesn’t want you or that baby so you should’ve accepted that n moved on in the end honestly. But also remember if you file child support he can take you to court for some type of visitation especially if he starts paying for the child. But pls accept the fact that he doesn’t want you anymore

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He sounds like he’d be a shitty dad anyways. Take it as a blessing in disguise. Leave him alone and move on. Take care of that baby and one day everything will fall into place for you. Best wishes❤

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Unless you want him in you and babord life, no don’t ask for support

1 Like
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Ummm why is this a question he helped make kid child support

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65

You should have known better…collect your child support and move on.

4 Likes
66

Go put him on child support and raise your baby. You’re better off letting him be the absent father he wants to be.

1 Like
67

This also happened to me and let me tell you it is SO much easier to just move on with your life and be the absolute best parent you can be. Don’t put him on the birth certificate and don’t take him to court for child support. Best choice of my life not having done that because I don’t have to worry about him trying to pull anything and take my son from me

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68

I think it’s the right thing to do. Also understand that he will always be her father so IF he decides late down the road and comes around do right and allow this child the opportunity to know her dad. Don’t make this about him but about your child.

69

Yes I would get child support if he doesn’t want any thing to do with both of you now he won’t later you shouldn’t have to suffer because he also didn’t prevent pregnancy. As far as him being a father I wouldn’t push it. Unfortunately he is allowed to walk. And if he does do you want him around your son/daughter any way. Get the help with money and I wouldn’t ask for anything else.

1 Like
70

He made it clear he did not want this child from the beginning. I personally think fathers should have the right to sign rights away. He doesn’t have to do anything for you, he would be a better person if he accept his fault in a pregnancy occurring but he isn’t going to. I’d ask him to sign to terminate rights and if he doesn’t want to then say the you’ll be going after CS.

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71

I always said you can force any male to be a father because I’ve been there done that. I never asked for a single dime because I’ve got where I am today without him anyways :heart: The situation you are going through isn’t forever, it will make you stronger!

72

It’s not uncommon for a person to say they would step up until the time comes when they actually need to step up and they decide not to. It sounds like he’s not wanted to be a part of raising the baby since you found out you were pregnant. That leaves you with a decision to make. Either put him on the birth certificate, go to court for child support, and deal with a parent who will most likely be inconsistent in your child’s life. Or cut ties with him and let him walk away, don’t put him on the birth certificate, and raise your child without him.

2 Likes
73

I’d do it and then soon as you’re legally able if he’s really not going to step, terminate his rights and go on with your life

74

Why didn’t you use birth control if he was just a f**k buddy?

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75

From experience though, I’ve always felt CS wasn’t worth the heartache to my daughter having an in and out dad. He has proven he can’t be trusted to stick around and imo he has to be 100% or 100% out. She doesn’t deserve to have him coming and going. I’ve never went after CS and I’ve never regretted that decision. Its hard but we manage and I personally think its whats best for my daughter.

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76

Ask him to terminate. Why ask for money or force it if he stated from the beginning he wanted no part in it?

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77

My ex left me for another woman when I was just 2 months pregnant. He got her pregnant. Got served child support. At 18ms old he finally met my kid. 2 years later my husband adopted him. You can’t force him if he don’t wanna. He does owe you child support. For me it was required I file support if I wanted any state assistance. Do what is best for your child don’t worry about him

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78

Absolutely! Make him pay.

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79

Women have a choice and so should men. He shouldn’t have to be a part of your lives when he was clear on his feelings from the beginning. True equality. If you would have chosen an abortion. He would have had no choice. He can’t have an abortion. But he can say he doesn’t want anything to do with it

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80

I have e kids and i have learned its better to do it by yourself than with someone who doesn’t want to be there or just half asses it.

81

Honestly just move on. My sons dad was the same way and it’s been 3 years and it’s so much better without him.

1 Like
82

Leave him be. If a woman gets pregnant and decides she doesn’t want the baby she gets an abortion so she’s never responsible. If he made it clear that he didn’t want a child then leave him alone and raise your baby yourself.

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83

This really depends on how you feel about it. If you put him on child support he will be on the birth certificate and have the same rights as you. If you don’t care that he will be around if he is on child support, then you should.

1 Like
84

Honestly, I’m going through this right now too. The baby is a depo baby and I knew going into it he didn’t want kids so I wasn’t shocked when he chose not to be involved. Cut your losses and just raise baby the best you can. Just because you file doesn’t mean he will pay it.

I have no intentions on filing or putting him on the birth cerificate. That was his choice so I’m honoring it. And trust me, it’s a lot easier that way down the line.

8 Likes
85

You can take him for child support.
But if someone claims it first you won’t get as much
But honestly, youre doging a bullet if you make him be a dad and he doesn’t want to
My sons dad didn’t want to but his mom got him guilted him
And he’s a shit father.

86

You called your baby an “it” :woman_facepalming:t3: you’re not ready to be a mother just as he’s not ready to be a father. Do the right thing and give this baby to someone who will raise him/her right.

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87

Yes get him for child support he helped make the baby regardless on the fact he didn’t want one he still made it.

88

You can get child support or ask him to terminate his rights OR he could fall in love as soon as he sees that baby. Definitely think through things but there’s nothing wrong with asking for child support, may even get him in baby’s life. Good luck!! :black_heart:

2 Likes
89

Whether you go after him for child support is upto you. Whether he wants to be involved or not he still made that baby too. The least he can do is help you financially. But keep in mind they coddle men. Unless he’s rich he won’t be ordered to pay much. You probably won’t get it or get much. Honestly I’d keep his name out of it. It makes life easier for you. You won’t need his permission to make certain decisions like moving. He can’t come in & out of your child’s life as he pleases. You will be totally in charge of your & your child’s life. If you put him on child support you’re giving up your freedom possibly with nothing in return.

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90

I see it as if y’all were just a fling and no intentions of being together then let him do whatever. Y’all are both adults and knew what would happen having sex unprotected. If he wants nothing to do with the baby then that’s that you cant force someone to do something they don’t wanna do. Don’t bother him and you take care of your responsibility.

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91

You have 2 choices as I see it: except the fact and raise your child as you see fit and one day you’ll find someone who will love not only you but you child as well. (If you choose) you can go after him for child support. The only problem I have with that is. If he’s paying support and doesn’t see the child he still has parental rights that can make for a tangled web.
Or
You can have relinquish all rights, pay you nothing and there is no ties to each
It’s your decision, obviously, but ask yourself this question:
Would YOU want to know that you have a father but doesn’t want to see or know anything about you? What ever the answer is you’ll will have to eventually answer questions that child will ask later on

92

Unfortunately you were both friends with benefits. You should have used contraception to prevent this from happening. (I know sometimes contraception doesn’t work etc so if that’s the case I apologise). BUT he made it clear from the beginning he didn’t want a child. As much as the woman has the ultimate decision as to whether they want the child the man should also have a choice. Especially when he was clear from the beginning. There isn’t a lot for him to do whilst you are pregnant so things might change once baby is here.

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93

Smh he clearly isn’t a real man! Any man that can make a child but not wanna be part of the child’s life is no man at all! Just keep taking care of yourself and that baby. Hopefully he will come around for the child. If not do what u gotta do! It’s be hard but I will be fine. Pray about it. Good luck

1 Like
94

If a woman has the right to choose to be a mother. A man should have the right to choose to be a father. He has expressed he wants nothing to do with the baby. Have him sign over all rights and leave it as that. He shouldn’t have to pay support for a child he doesn’t want because you CHOSE to continue a pregnancy knowing how he felt. :woman_shrugging:

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95

If U can’t support the baby alone def put his ass on child support. Were u on birth control and was he strapping up?

96

Im on child support and I’m a good dad …so hell yeah if hes a shit head dead beat …but it the good dads who get a bad rap.

97

The father of my son told me he ruined his life. I was 21… my son is now 10 and we have had an amazing man who has been his daddy since he was 2. We don’t deal with child support or anything because if he didn’t want to be a part of it I didn’t want him providing us money so he could decide one day he had rights. It worked for us. My son doesn’t have daddy issues, but I’ve also always been honest with him about it. Things don’t always work.out the way you plan hun but its not always a bad thing♡

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98

Friends with benefits does not mean let’s have a baby together.

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