I had twins with someone I wouldn’t have chosen to procreate with on purpose. He is not the kind of person who chooses to take care of himself, let alone my precious girls. When they were 1.5 years old I started dating an acquaintance from high school (a former crush) who was a single father to a 6 year old girl & 7 year old boy. I was guarded with anyone getting involved with them as I knew they may become attached & already had worries about them feeling abandonment when they were old enough to realize they didn’t have a dad. I also worried for his kids that attachment on both sides could effect the older children as well. For 8 months we were “just friends” as far as the kids were concerned. One day we were all together and his daughter said “Daddy can I have something to drink?” Then one of my 2 year old daughters said “Daddy, can I have a drink too?” My heart fell into my stomach waiting for the worst. Would he correct her and I would finally know that this wasn’t permanent? Nope he said “Sure baby. What would you like to drink?” Later that evening he said "You looked pretty freaked out by what happened earlier. Does that mean you are feeling apprehensive about the future, because as far as I am concerned I don’t want to go anywhere. I love you. All 3 of you and I want you all. They were meant to be mine and I want them. He talked to the older two kids the next day and told them that we had actually been a couple and that he wanted us to all be together. They were happy and said they loved the twins so much and they deserved a good father and they could share him. Their older sister said she already felt like they were her sisters anyway and she has always wanted a little sister so 2 is even better. We moved in together shortly after, got married 1 year later and he legally adopted them not long after that. They are going to be 8 in January. They know he adopted them, but have no memories that don’t include him and the kids. DNA doesn’t matter so much as they are his kids through and through. So much like him that sometimes even he forgets. They still have a relationship with their biological father’s family, as they are good people who didn’t deserve to miss out on them, simply because he wanted to be selfish and live with no real responsibility. His parents retired to Arizona a few years ago. They treat our older two children as their own grandchildren and when they come to visit their hometown, they stay with us. They treat me as if I was their daughter and treat my husband as a son in law. His siblings, in laws, nieces and nephews all have a great relationship with my family. His youngest niece and our oldest daughter are “favorite cousins” and great friends. If he doesn’t want to be a part of this, he is missing out, but there is someone out there who will see you both as a gift. A complete package and as his family. You don’t want to force someone who doesn’t want to do it. It will lead to disappointment & frustration for you & possibly your child. I know from experience as I tried for a short time before deciding it was in our best interest to leave it alone. You will be a better mother with no added stress by walking away. The stress of being a single parent was so much easier for me than trying to make someone be consistent when they just don’t want to. Me realizing that early on made the transition to my husband much more natural as they didn’t have the confusion of an old dad and a new dad, as terrible as that statement sounds. It was so natural for them to just see their dad as their dad and they were no doubt his daughters. He is the best father to all our kids & an amazing & supportive husband. We are so lucky to have all 3 of them and they feel the same about the 3 of us. It’s definitely scary being pregnant & the thought of doing it alone. Especially when you didn’t get to this point alone, but walking away leaves you and your child open to something that is better for you both. We tell the girls that “He didn’t help mommy put you in my belly, but God knew before we did that he was supposed to be your Dad. He knew you deserved a great one” they say “And we got the best dad!”
Because they know the truth we just tell them the dad who helped put them in my belly has some problems that he can’t help that make it so he can’t be a good dad and that doesn’t mean he is bad. Just that you deserved the very best. We don’t want them thinking half of them is bad or wrong & seeing his family & how great they are will solidify that. They also 100% agree with my decisions even told me to walk away before I did. He had burned all his bridges there as well & they knew 100% he wasn’t ever going to get his life together to be enough for them & they were the most important little people in earth in their eyes. Best of luck to you & your child. You can do this & will be enough.
It’s not about you. It’s not about him. It’s about the child. The child is the only one of you who did not have a choice in the matter. Every child deserves paternity. Every child deserves support. If the father of the child does not choose to step up and act like a father, that’s his loss. It is your responsiblity To see to it that the child has both a mother and positive male role models. This is necessary for the child’s later mental health.
Do NOT sue for child support! I did, after baby’s father made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with EITHER of us. He then spent the next 18 yrs being spiteful, & making my life a living hell. Seriously. I couldn’t take one step without his say-so, which he delighted in withholding. Wanna move? Change school, baby-sitter, Dr.? Have a new relationship? Giving up wknd plans even when kiddo’s with him? (he has to be able to call & say, “meet at xxxxx for exchange, I’m done now”, or “I need to know where you are just in case”) And of course, will someday he just disappear with the child?! Not bc he cares, just to cause you & child anguish 
Oh, did I mention the poison he’ll pour in kiddo’s ears & brain about how terrible you are? And everything kid does wrong is OBVSLY your fault?
PLEASE believe me. It wasn’t worth it for $200/mo! He even got amount reduced, & then paid $75 every 2 wks. That may even now sound like a lot of $$ (this hppnd 1990s). It’s not. Just be the most supportive, loving mom you can, & leave the misery-making “dad” alone!
because he choose to play adult games and now he needs to face the adult consequences. It takes more than 1 to make a baby