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QUESTION:
"Let me start this off with some backstory…it’s a pretty screwed up story so bear with me. My best friend of 15 years moved in with my husband and I about 3 years ago. Things were great for a while and then all of a sudden I started getting weird vibes with her and my husband…I would walk in on them whispering things to each other…both of them holding their phones and texting at the same time, both of them would be out of the house at the same time (supposdely not together). One day, we were all supposed to head out to a water park (my husband and I share 2 daughters, 2 & 5) and all of a sudden my husband and my best friend got in a car and LEFT. two minutes later I got a text from my best friend that her and my husband were in love and they were leaving together…at first I thought they were joking but then it all just came crashing down on me and i realized it was NOT a joke…everything made sense. They didnt come back for an entire week and i heard nothing from them…when they came back my husband obviously asked me for a divorce and i was more than happy to give it to him…but he also kicked me out of our house (only his name was on the lease so I had to leave) and they basically told me i have to get used to it because they were in love and she wasn’t going anywhere…it has been a year and i still am not okay with this…they expect me to come over with my kids and act like everything is okay and all of this is normal…am i supposed to get over this and pretend like everyhting is okay since it has been so long? I am happy without him but i still feel some type of way when i have to go over there to get our girls…like is it normal for me to just accept this? Do i have to accept this to be happy? HELP MEEE"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Coparent with your ex, you dont need to do anything with his gf, weither she was a part of your life before or not"
"What you need to do is take care of you. They both hurt you and now expect for you to cater to THEIR needs. Sounds very manipulative. Kinda like have my cake and eat it too. Take whatever time you need to heal and where you want to go with it is up to you. However you will have to be civil with your ex as a co parent. Being civil does NOT mean being their bestie. Just means communication about the kids and their needs."
"Nope you don’t have to accept it. Coparent with your ex and that’s it. Your “best friend” did you dirty."
"Girl set up a meeting location with just him. File for support and tell the courts he cheated and u wan support As well"
"Co-parent…don’t socialize. NO you do not have to accept this! What they did to you and your children is evil."
"I’d still be upset! It would be hard to get over. You lost your best friend and husband, even if you no longer have feelings for him. I’m not saying to find someone else to heal your pain, but I think once you do, you’ll feel better. You DO NOT have to speak to her at all. She is disgusting and a waste of space. I think you should go to therapy as I truly believe if you ever do get into another relationship what was done to you will effect you. You will have trust issues and whatnot"
"Just deal with your ex about your kids and leave it at that. Your bestie obviously was not your bestie as she wouldn’t have done that to you. He cheated on you so one day she may come back crying as he cheated on her. Take care of you and kids."
"My ex-husband wanted me to be friends or civil to the chick he cheated on me with. Nope. What’s wrong with people?? I mean I kinda co-parent with him but I refuse to have to do anything with her. I don’t involve the kids tho"
"Wow…you’re so much better off without them. Of course you have to coparent, but you do not need to do more than that. They both did you extremely wrong…and to kick YOU out of your home, when you were kind enough to allow this so called friend to move in. Yea…no you do not have to accept it. Set up a meeting place and keep communication only about the kids."
"I am so incredibly sorry for I r what you’ve put through. How confusing this has to be for your 5 year old. You have to coparent with your ex, you do not have to interact with your former friend. I’d consider having the visitation agreement modified to meet somewhere for pickups so you do not have to go to the home."
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