I would get a second opinion from another doctor and see what they recommend. She may need speech therapy, maybe there’s another issue going on so id get another opinion and go from there. As far as the mother in law… she has a little kid mentality. Your daughter is 4, she is not so for her to say “I’ll treat you how you treat me” or tell her she can’t eat because she didn’t say hi is ridiculous. She should be the bigger person and say hi first, she should be the one to ask her if she’s okay, or what’s wrong. I would tell her your taking her to a doctor for it to see what you can do to help and in the meantime… she needs to layoff.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My bfs step mom has kinda got me upset and confused
She’s a 4 year old child your her voice mumma just by reading this I can feel your not happy about it and I wouldn’t be either speech therapy does kids great it’s not just about speech they use activities to open up communication with the child once you know the steps to take to get her to communicate it can become a lot easier quickly but also can take time people around her are going to need to understand and take their time with her by forcing her to speak to them will only make it harder in the long run mumma knows what’s best she’s not trying to be rude she’s shy and needs a little bit of help good luck 
How petty. Tell her to grow up. The child has anxiety and being a bully is not going to help the situation. smh
It sounds like she has anxiety. I wouldn’t take her over there anymore. Your boyfriends step mom needs to grow up. I personally wouldn’t stop all visits with her. Family can be toxic. Look into getting a family dog, if you don’t already have one, or a kitten for your daughter. Maybe that’ll help?? I’d think she would be to young for anxiety meds. I would say speech therapy, see how it goes. If you don’t see any improvement, or your daughter doesn’t want to go. Pull her from it.
Best of luck. But if anyone treated my kids like crap for not talking. They would be cut off. Or get a talking to.
Ehhhh…This is kind of a hard one. Does she actually have a speech delay? If so why wasn’t she in speech therapy before now (usually recommended at 2)? Does she have any other diagnosis?
What is the context of her not talking to others (is it simply saying hi or bye…is it because they’ve asked her to do or not do something)? Does she just not talk to them? Or does she actively ignore them? Does she have this behavior at home?
I’ve got a 4 year old. He has a speech delay, sensory processing disorder, and ADHD…But sometimes he does just simply have an attitude because he’s 4.
The best thing I could suggest is figure out why your child stops talking…And then address it accordingly…and give stepmom tips to make the situation better along the way.
Obviously what she’s doing isn’t making the situation better, but she may just not actually know better.
If she’s not a total witch of a person she’ll hear you out and use the suggestions you give her to help improve the situation.
Everyone is forcing her to speak and acknowledge which is likely causing her alot of anxiety and stress. How about sitting next to her and start colouring with her and just having nice comments instead of nastiness.
Boyfriend’s stepmom. She is NO ONE to that child and doesn’t get a hello or a hug if your child isn’t comfortable with it. And being threatened to say hi or have something taken away? Yeah that’s not gonna work. I would distance myself from boyfriends stepmom.
Much like adults, children have the right to choose who they do and do not talk to, just like who they do and do not show affection to. You should never force your child to talk to anyone or have physical contact with anyone that they don’t want to. If family has a problem with that, stop taking her around those family members. On a side note, you, as mom, should try talking to your daughter to see if there is an underlying reason. And the whole “you can’t have this or do that because you didn’t say hello to me or hug me” is toxic af to a child. You’re mom. Put your foot down and stand up for your child. If they have a problem with it, then they don’t need to be in either of your lives. Your child is your number one priority.
I wouldn’t allow bf stepmom near her
My little sister had this same problem she started speech therapy at age 5 its helped so much. Distance yourself and your daughter from bf stepmom she’s going to cause her extra anxiety and stress. No good will come from her.
Find a different boyfriend. If he doesn’t stand up for your daughter now he never will
Tell the step mom to grow up and be the adult kids will not talk to ppl they dnt feel safe around or don’t know she might not feel safe around her
Why are you still subjecting your daughter to this woman? She’s a grown woman and should know better than to treat a child who clearly has anxiety like that
Stop taking her around that woman but if you do correct her on the spot and tell her she’s not denying the baby anything,
Id would not condone that at all she is 4 not a adult! I would definitely put my foot down and tell that wench she CANNOT treat my daughter like that i will literally fight and block them out of my life forever. My child is not the one to come at over anything and if anyone has a problem with that they can bring that problem to me.
Thats ridiculous. She either has anxiety or just isnt the talkitive type.
My daughter is 6 and has speech the step mom needs to grow up
My middle child is 5 and speech delayed. He doesn’t say hi or by to anyone including myself. I would flip my shit on any family member that acted that way to my son.
I’d straight be like when she’s ready to talk to you she will, but don’t make it a big deal that’s she’s not comfortable, the things your doing aren’t helping her wanna talk to you.
I have a 3 year old step daughter who still does this to me and I’ve been with her dad 2.5 years! She just is a shy kid and once she warms up it’s all fine! Definitely don’t force the child or make the child feel bad! Always remember children are a good judge of character and she’s just analyzing the situation
I wouldnt let her around my kid acting like that …sounds like shes the one who needs to grow up …lo0rd how mercy thats got me mad and its not even my kid poor baby I wouldnt want to talk to her either
I’m not sure if the situations are the same, because of the lack of information about her speech? But my friends daughter was extremely shy, hardly ever spoke and she would point to everything and attempt to whisper what she wanted. During speech therapy she became very confident in her words and able to vocalize her needs!! Don’t wait to long or she’ll be behind in school.
I went through the not speaking stuff with my daughter. She was diagnosed with Autism, very mild but there none the less. Speach therapy help because they encouraged her talk, they started teaching her sign language which helped her build confidence to speak to people out loud. She is now 14 and still struggles with social settings and speaking in public. She does have some anxiety issues when it comes to communicating but is a very good student and getting all A’s and B’s, she also has a small group af friends at school. With that being said if the step mom is not going to be helpful and encourage with positive reinforment rather punishment she needs to be removed from the equation. Once you have had a chance to have her evaluated then maybe explian her diagnoses and educate the step mom on how to help your child. If she can’t do that then I would stop any further visits.
Look into Selective Mutism
I’d tell her to go kick rocks! That’s rediculous. She is 4! My youngest is the same. Eventually she may warm up and talk but until then just leave her alone!
Speech therapy will help the selective mutism so much - adults pressuring the child to speak will not help, it’ll make it much worse. 
You are subjecting your child to abuse. Tell them kick rocks.
She could also have anxiety however try the speech therapy but that lady has to grow tf up. I wouldn’t even waste my time around her. You child deserve better.
We taught my daughter sign when she was a baby. She would talk around us but would only sign around others. We had a family member yell at my ex and me because my daughter was not talking. We both looked at her and told if she didn’t like how we were raising our daughter she can leave and not come back. This was my ex’s aunt, who has two deaf chilren.
The step mom needs to be corrected. Just because a child does not talk to you does not mean you deny things. My son is 3 and he’s very shy around people, even family members he hasn’t seen in a while. Once he’s been around people for a while, he warms up and relaxes.
My daughter is 3 and plays shy with everyone pretty much at first. She takes her time and then when she’s comfortable she opens wide up to them. Tell the woman to take a hike and grow up herself and stop the petty attitude she has
My daughter is 4. Talks great for her age. But won’t talk at family gatherings unless she’s comfortable.
I wouldn’t allow the denying food. That’s just ridiculous
- Stop taking your child over there.
- Follow the Pediatricians recommendation for speech therapy or take her to some type of interventionist. She’s 4 and she will be starting school soon. You should try to figure out what’s going on ASAP.
Stand up for that baby and let her know her actions are NOT okay!!
Tell the woman to stop behaving like a 4yo and lead by example
I would also look into the suggestion(s) your pediatrician has made.
No matter if you feel it’s helpful or not…that’s not the attitude to have, you’re seeking the help. And they deal with thousands upon thousands of kids JUST LIKE YOURS! Give them a chance, seriously.
Sounds like the step mom is the one with an ATTITUDE!!! What she’s doing is trying to intimidate a 4 year old into talking by being a dam bully. Maybe the kid is afraid of her because of the way she treats her. I wouldn’t want to talk to someone who’s constantly harassing me. That old saying if you don’t have nothing nice to say don’t say anything should be applied to this woman. Personally I wouldn’t allow her around your child until she herself can learn some dam manners.
selective mutism is a symptom of autism. she may not be able to control it. Girls are most frequently overlooked by the pediatricians. Bring it up with her doctor.
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are doing something wrong. My mom used to do that crap with my kids and i would say something to her and she stopped. Told my son she was going to take all his Halloween candy, i don’t remember the reason and he told her he was going to take her insulin pen so she couldn’t eat dinner, in my heart i was really proud of him for standing up for himself but torn at the same time because i don’t want my kids to think that that’s ok to talk to and treat people like that. Be your babies voice mama.
Sounds to me like she’s trying to control the only thing she knows she can control. She sounds like she’s been yelled at or told what to do too many times when she does talk so she chooses not to speak to those people.
My son would not tell anyone bye for the longest time. He was naturally shy. And would barely talk for the longest time. He wouldn’t hug you or anything. He would literally only hug myself and his sister for the longest. As he’s gotten older he’s growing out of it. But I never force it on my child. If your boyfriend’s step mom is going to be that way to her-definitely don’t take her around her. Because that’s very toxic to a child. A child should not be forced to do something they’re not comfortable with.
Withholding food because she doesn’t say hi is actually child abuse. You never under any circumstances withhold food. Take action against that step mom. Put her in her place. That’s sad to treat a child that way.
Stand up for your daughter and tell her to fuck off and quit acting like a “child!” My daughter went through this phase and I’ve had to flip shit many times that it’s not okay to shame her or try and force her! You wouldn’t want that shit done to you, you’re damn sure not about to do it to my kid! Put your foot down! Either she respects it or she can stay away! And it’s that simple!
Keep her away from that. Set a boundary that they mustn’t use manipulation tactics. They are not validating her feelings or respecting her. You can not justify the “ill treat her like she treats me” in this situation. She’s not being a brat, shes uncomfortable and I can see why…
Tell the mom to fo and speech therapy helps a lot! Speaking from experience
My six year old is the same way. She knows all of her dad’s side of the family and has been around them so much but she does not like talking to them. I don’t make her. Just like if she does not want to give anybody a hug or a kiss I don’t make her either.
Withholding food just because she won’t talk is not right.
This is a good time to teach your daughter about consent. If she doesn’t want to say hi or by or give somebody a hug even family she shouldn’t have to. Being forced to do those things does cause damage in the long run.
Step mom needs to reevaluate herself. My oldest son could speak but pretty much just refused to until he started preschool he’s 10 now and very intelligent
I would
Keep the step mom from my daughter until she gets her shit together. Period. Nothing wrong with a child being quiet
Get your little one evaluated. It won’t hurt. And tell the step mom to check herself and to STOP bullying a child, I mean honestly… shameful.
If she’s that offended by a child then she needs help. Lol. Kids will be kids. Her attitude probably makes your baby uncomfortable. I know I was a shy kid and some family members made me wanna not talk because they were aggressive natured or overwhelming.
She’s 4, if she doesn’t want to say hi or bye to crazy /demanding people she doesn’t have to. She might not feel comfortable speaking to them or in front of them.
Speech therapy is good and if it’s been requested then make sure you support your daughter and do it. Don’t set her up to fail
My 10 year old has been in speech since he was about a year old. He wouldn’t even make sounds. He started talking and he hasn’t stopped since. He loves the one on one attention he gets from practicing with us or his speech therapist. He didn’t and still doesn’t like to talk in large groups.
Can’t imagine why she doesn’t want to say hi to those people 
smartest person in the room it seems like!
Cut that biatch out of the picture. Kids are amazing judges of character and she sees in that woman’s soul.
If my GrandChildren do not want to Kiss/Hugs hello, bye or good night/morning I do not force them to. I just speak and send them air Kisses and Hugs. It’s no fun if it’s not a Wanted on both sides Hug/Kiss. But, there are times that all they want to do is Snuggle. Or come to me, give me Hugs & Kisses, then run away, then come back and repeat.
I would ask the step mom to come over for tea, just her. Invite your daughter to join you or set up a play table and a tea set nearby and let her play in the same room. I would also invite the step mom to read a special book your daughter may be interested in or color in a new book. Explain to the step mom that your daughter takes time to warm up.
I have 2 kids with speech delays. At 4 my daughter didn’t talk understandably by anyone but immediate family. I did things you kinda describe such as trying to get her to something, anything when she wants something. If she wanted chips I’d tell her to say chips please. Any attempt would get her chips. It sounds like this woman might be intimidating to your daughter causing her not to say much. Your daughter has the right to talk to who she wants. This woman’s feelings aren’t her responsibility. Personally I’d keep her away from her.
Sounds like step mom is taking it personal, when it’s not. I would get her in speech therapy, the therapist could probably give you ways to handle adults who don’t understand what your child is going through. And once you have that information, have a talk with step mom and let her know what is going on and let her know its not personal and she doesn’t need to make it that way. If she continues the behavior I would simply keep the child away from her because that’s toxic behavior, adults should act like adults. And chances are your daughter will grow up to resent her for treating her like that.
This is called selective mutism. I still have it as an adult.
I can see why she doesn’t wanna talk to her 
Its completely normal tell her to F off!
Ignore that lady, your child can speak and acknowledge someone when they want too. Cant force communication. My 2 yr old baby still gets stroppy and ignores his daddy usually when waking up from naps. He doesnt do mean things back to him to try teach him. He waits till he is ready, he also doesnt like most people that come around but he will eventually warm up to them. Keep doing what you do mumma, aint nothing wrong with you or your baby.
I would put your daughter in speech therapy my grandson did and it worked wonders. The step grandmother needs to grow up cause bullying a child is just wrong.
It’s a disorder called selective mutism… it’s not your daughters fault! Look this up and talk to your doctor about it.
Um. Buy your daughter some chips and dip? Why share with someone saltier than the chips? The child doesn’t have to talk if she don’t want to and nobody should force her to, also. I wouldn’t let my kids around someone like that.
Omf telling a 4 year old she cant have snacks because she won’t talk. My daughter were the same at that age. She could talk very good but acted shy and didn’t talk if she doesn’t like somebody, i would say clever girl! Buy her own chips a dip mama❤
Tell her go walk a short pier
Your child is a pre-schooler who is learning how to socialize and establish boundaries of her own; let’s also keep in mind that today’s four-year old children have spent half their lives in a socially distant world surrounded by grownups wearing face coverings. Your little person doesn’t owe your BF’s stepmother the time of day. Please advocate for your child.
That is so cruel of her. Theres a name for a child that doesn’t speak. Its called selective mutation. It’s not your child fault. Talk to your pediatrician. Figure out a plan and explain it to the bf’s stepmother. If she still treats your child like that, don’t have her around your child.i know a child 6 year old who as it, I can make her smile and that’s all that counts
Bf’s daughter did the same thing. Speech therapy helps please do it! As for the step mom she must obviously need a reality check. that said, be sure to keep an open line of communication with bio dad. Makes a WORLD of difference
She sounds like a piece of work. I would never withhold food from a child whether it’s a snack or not. I would try speech therapy and see if it helps. Maybe even try some sign language. My daughter is a little delayed in her speech as well and therapy and sign language has helped alot! Good luck and I wish your beautiful girl the best <3
Whether or not there’s an underlined (physical or emotional) reason, allowing this behavior to be used towards your daughter will end up teaching her that she should do things that she doesn’t want to, or is uncomfortable with just to get things she may want. 
It’s permitting others to bribe her into things she’s clearly uncomfortable with.
That’s a scary thought and has the potential for danger. 
PS- I was raised in an era that has the mindset like the bfs step mom… that it’s rude not to speak when spoken to. That you walk into a home and greet everyone. We were taught to hug, or even give a kiss to family as we say hello and good bye.
These things are fine if by choice. But shouldn’t be forced.
I agree we should teach our children to be polite, and have manners, but again not force them to do things they are clearly uncomfortable with.
It may help to look at resources for situational mutism. Taking away food choices is not an effective strategy.