I think the issue isn’t that the bonus mom keeps the clothes it’s that they are never seen again. I’d be frustrated too to keep buying clothes and never have them.
It’s like buying an outfit once, wearing it then tossing it out.
So every time they see her they have no choice but to buy her new clothing. I’d keep receipts and bring it up with her.
Me and my kiddos dad share stuff to but it usually gets back to me or him between visits.
With my step kids I always send them home in clothes from their mums house. For instance they will come to our house, that night I’ll put their clothes in the wash and then send them home in that outfit the following weekend. I’ve got a good little rotation system going on at the moment haha. I basically have a mums house clothes and dads house clothes pile for my step kids and that’s the only way I manage to keep all the clothes that we buy at our place.
How come you don’t have clothes at your house - she comes back with clothes on, right? 
I have not read all the replies but has anybody actually discussed this with bio mom?
Poor child to deal with this crap. From now on when you buy something keep the receipts and also take pictures so next time you can show her proof in her face to shut her trap.
It sounds to me like she is jealous and being petty and taking it out on not only you and your husband but your step daughter as well. And if your husband is paying child support then she should be buying your step daughter clothes with that child support. Thats what it’s there for. If I were you, I would just buy her clothes for your house and when shes there then she can wear them there. Keep receipts of everything you do buy for her. You should also have a talk with your husbands ex and explain to her how this makes you feel. Take pics of the clothes she wears. I dont understand why women need to be so petty when it comes to their exes being with someone else and having a bonus mom being involved. And if she is in fact having her daughter look homeless in worn down clothes and stuff, then something isnt right and you should do some investegating. Talk to a lawyer or something. Or even dss. Its sad.
I understand what you are saying because I can see how that is frustrating, but why does she have to dress less fortunate when it’s her moms time to have her? That’s sad…
I bet the mom is selling the items. I would totally bring it up. Keep receipts and pictures of the items you buy. I would also try for full custody but that’s just me. Good luck!
What the fuck is a bonus daughter?
Y’all better leave this baby out of y’all childish adults games ! Continue to send her over there like you would you own or better yet talk to her mother like 2 adults would do ! Y’all gotta stop bringing y’all problems to social media asking advice from people who don’t know the whole situation! Tag her mother so we can get her side of the story 
people lie a lot and love playing victims on social media 
From the sounds of it. The bio-mom is unreasonable and if she is checking her daughter out of school to change her clothes that is disgusting. I’d start sending her home and to school in the clothes she came in. Document Everything! If she is showing up to your house without shoes on in winter discreetly take a photo. But send her home in some cheap shoes. Kids need shoes. If bio-mom continues to act this way or gets hostile, have the child’s dad talk to the bio-mom.
Lmao so many BM’s are like this what ever she shows up in she leaves in period !!! They always do this
Make her keep what you bought at your house. Send her back with what she came with? She says he doesn’t do anything for her, then invite her over to see all the nice things you have and do for her child. You can even post pics on her posts to shut her up. Lol
Send them back w the clothes and shoes they came over in don’t send anything new back keep it at your house and BTW they’re not bonus kids they’re your kids
Also keep all receipts and take pics what you buy that way you have proof
Shes not the bonus mom she is the mom the child isn’t a bonus child its her child!!! Geeze
Take pictures so that you can both remember what to send the child back in. This helped us. I also bought double summer clothes & school clothes to help out.
Omg my child’s dad does the EXACT same thing and I can’t stand it. When we got the first stimulus we split the money and I took my child’s 600 and bought like 15 outfits and 2 pairs of shoes, new socks and underwear and literally have none of that anymore bc he keeps it all and always says he can’t find them. He doesn’t help with anything, no child support, nothing but I don’t bother with saying anything bc it does no good
My x sil would sell the clothes we bought our grandchildren. He got upset if we bought them at Walmart.
For the first few years after my divorce this bothered me and I would try hard to send my kids to their dads in what he sent them in. I matured enough to realize that it is THEIR stuff. I buy all name brand stuff for my 13 year old and her dads financial situation doesn’t allow for this so hundreds of dollars of stuff goes to his house. If you are more fortunate financially to provide nicer stuff get her stuff for her mother’s house too and move on. It is just stuff
I get how this would be irritating, but all I can think is that the child is stuck in the middle, and probably wants to wear nice clothes and shoes so she fits in with her classmates. Ultimately it doesn’t matter what the mom posts on social media, it matters that your daughter has seasonally appropriate clothes that fit and are clean. Even if that means you buy clothes she brings to her mom’s house. Especially if she lives full time with her mom and visits you on weekends, what good is a brand new pair of sneakers going to do to be worn a couple times a month? Kids outgrow clothes so fast anyways.
It sucks that you have to go through this. I used to send my kids in one set of clothes for the entire weekend and it want stuff that they didn’t like. Sucks the kids have to suffer but I work too hard to provide for my kids.
Nope. Clothes for your house and clothes for her momma’s house. Launder the clothes she wears to your house and those are the clothes she goes home in. Get her a couple of outfits for bdays, holidays, etc. but cut the tags off and mark over the tags with a sharpie (write her name or initials on them so it looks like you’re being nice) on all her shoes or backpacks so mom can’t take them back to the store for cash…because that’s probably what she’s doing with them.
Keep all new clothes at your house. Different circumstance, but my older sister did the same when I kept her daughter. I would just wash everything and send it back home, or I would buy knock off versions and let them go home, while I kept the good stuff. Make sure you document everything, calls, receipts and texts. My ex’s ex wife did the same, she wanted the divorce, put him on child support but always had her hand out like he didn’t have other responsibilities. She also used to dog him to their kids, so make sure to love on her and talk to her so the mother doesn’t cloud how she sees you or her dad
Most of this 6ou can take her to court for
My childs father and i are both bad for this!! 
We just wash and pack then all up and send them back to eachother every few months. Hahaha.
This used to be an issue for me with my daughters father. I would never see things again! Now I started sending her in clothes I don’t care about when it’s his weekend. If she insists on wearing something I really want her to bring back, I’ll just gently ask him to make sure she comes home with it since it’s important to me. Then he says of course and just to send him a text reminder. I realized he wasn’t doing it on a purpose, he just was not really thinking about it.
I send my daughter to her fathers every other weekend in clothes I don’t care if I get back or not. Because I was so used to never getting clothes I bought back. I save the nice stuff for home.
We used to take pictures and text what clothes they were wearing that needed to come back. Especially school uniforms, because we have a limited amount of those. She never has bought uniforms for them and she has them for 2 school days a week. It’s so frustrating.
You can get pretty cheap but cute clothes from Walmart or Target or even watch sales at say Old Navy or Childrens place. (Not sure how old the child is) but thats what we would do with my (step) son. His other mom would rarely try to see him anyways but we had nice things we would send him in as well. They weren’t the most expensive but they still looked cute and didn’t break our bank. Now she never comes around that he is a little older so we don’t have to worry about it.
I have this problem ever since dad came into the picture after she was already 2.5 years old and she told me a while back he’s been throwing them away… (brand new, she wears them down there and I never see them again) 
…
Our kids put their “mommy clothes” on to go home in.
It’s clothes and shoes. Maybe the mom is struggling and cannot afford other stuff. At the end of the day the focus should be on the child, not the material items. Let it go and the issue will probably go away. Pick your battles-this one isn’t worth the energy. Hopefully you’re not stressing the 8yo about it too.
Well you can be pretty back to the “bonus mom” send the bonus daughter back in what she comes in. And when she goes to school send the clothes she comes in with the girl in case her mother checks her out and instruct her to change out of the clothes before she leaves school and leave the good clothes at school to get the next day and bring back to you. Also everytime you by her something take pictures of receipt and said item together if need be. Just to have a paper trail. If things go bad. A paper trail is a very good thing. Start taking pics of daughter when you get her for proof of what she sends her to y’all in. Sounds bad I know but if she were to ever take things to court( some people do) you would have proof and paper trail. And by the sounds of it she may not even be buying her anything maybe just thrift store or clothing banks and sends daughter to y’all in these clothes knowing y’all will buy her clothes and shoes and still pay child support.
I had this same problem with my ex who is a horrible narcissist. Of course he was doing it to push my buttons but my son was the one who ended up with nothing nice to wear at my house. What I did was take a photo of everything I bought with tags on AND the receipt. When he would say he bought it, I just sent the pics and asked him if he wanted me to contact the family court over it. It ended the practice quickly!
You say the mom dresses her in crap cloths to send her to you…are you seriously ok sending her back in those cloths…yes clothing is expensive…but 8 yrs old? This child sees what you are doing…wth are you teaching HER…bonus mom has better or nicer clothing…I’m sorry if you buy something for the child…its for the child…teach her how to take care of the things u buy and be done w it…its hers…not her moms or yours…smh.
Buy her new clothes and then let the bonus mom have them and some to keep their , then let her wear the stuff you buy when she’s with you then send her their with specific pairs to have there. If it doesn’t work show pics if the ripped clothing she wears to a case worker maybe something could be done if that doesn’t work then dont worry about it and just keep buying her clothes
The mom has it right ,She knows if she send her in rags you will send her home in new clothes,
We always send mine back wearing the same clothes she came in. After being washed of course 