Don’t let her come back until she is ready to do the time!
My Boyfriend and I Disagree with His Ex About How to Punish Their Daughter for Sneaking Out: Advice?
He is overbearing. I see why she went back to her mom’s.
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She needs to work.She needs to learn to be responsible
If you dont do something your gonna be grandparents in the blink of an eye. Stick with your morals. And put on your big girl panties. 15 yr olds can be VERY challenging. Just remember she will act this way to either parent, dont take what she says personally. Hope you find some peace
My parents did this to me. It was devastating to me because I lived in a rural area and having friends, phone and anything but school taken away sent me into depression. The school counselors had to call my parents in for a meeting about the grounding I received. It works better when you let them earn freedom vs strip it away. I wasn’t a bad kid, I got good greats, I just did some dumb stuff because my parents never let me explore and learn and some kids need those lessons. Give her birth control, talk about STDs and remind her men are pigs at that age. Give her tools to be successful because either she will be open about it or sneak around. It’s up to you.
Well in my opinion…and I’m not trying to be rude or bash anyone…I’m just trying to give advice and point out a few things…first of all…are you in the mother’s home standing over her watching her discipline her child? If I were you to save yourself some grace and I’d let the mother and father handle it…and why on earth would you take her job away? Hr job is keeping her safe and occupied…and also teaching her to be independent. If this is her first time sneaking out…she may learn from this experience and try to do better…and if your being to strict and clingy on her and not giving her a bit of freedom she may not trust anybody enough to ask and tell anybody her plans…don’t keep her tied to the house…if you show her you have confidence in her and the choices she makes she wont have to sneak out or do things behind your back…my kids tell me everything…I have two teenagers…I always give them 1 chance after they make a mistake to redeem themselves and do better and if they do it again that is when consequences get harsher…and kids at that age need their phones…especially kids that work…and hang out with friends.
She’s just a kid. She should be at school but if she has a job I wouldn’t make her quit it. If she wants to be an adult…treat her like one. Make her pay rent/board, do her own laundry, pay for power, water etc… let her have tea time with you to see how shes coaping lol…it’ll teach her a lesson she’ll soon wake up to. Take everything accept her bed and bedding, clothes and lady products and make her wake up. The real worlds not as easy as she thinks it’ll be. Test drive the option for 3 weeks and I bet she’ll want things to go back to normal. It worked on me at 15. Not only do I value my family but I’ll most likely do the same to my kids when time comes. Good luck.
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The child absolutely knows where she can get away with stuff. I agree she shouldn’t have to quit her job but everything else is fair game. If you can’t follow rules, then you don’t need a phone, computer(unless for school.) I would only allow her to have her phone during work if needed. And monitor that phone like a detective until she can learn how to be honest. Trust has to be earned. The discipline is a little long but if she can’t obey the rules then extend the punishment. You have to be a parent 1st and the friend next. Good luck, teenage years are the hardest!
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I can’t see any reason why making her quit her job would be beneficial punishment. No wonder she went back to her moms.
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As a step mom. I stay out of it. I would tell dad that maybe some of it is too much but if she’s meeting boys at her work I can see that being a punishment but 6 months is a lot
Mom will be a grandma soon. She should not have to quit her job. The parents suck at co parenting and the child being a child will obviously choose the side that is easier on her. Its not her fault her parents don’t see eye to eye. If I were dad I’d take it to court and establish a parenting plan that must be followed and get her into counseling. I promise you a 15 yr old sneaking out with boys is up to no good.
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Well I definitely wouldn’t make her quit her job. Those are hard to come by and that should be teaching her discipline.
She should still be able to go to work. But I think the way he is reacting is way over the top
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No to the quitting job and she can only have her phone when she’s not at home. School, work, home. That’s it.
That’s what I’d do.
She should work and if she wants a phone, she will pay her own bill. Mommy or daddy or you should chauffeur her to and from work
I wouldn’t have any kids with that man, he sounds very ignorant about raising children. Also a bit pervy of him to be that angry over other boys being around her. He really shouldn’t be a father of a girl at all.
I would have her resign. Maybe the fact that she is young and making her own money she feels more independent and making choices that are not ideal for her.
Unfortunately I don’t think you have a say in the matter. Free yourself from the stress now because at the end of the day it’s never going to be your business and you will make it worse trying to get involved
I wouldn’t make her quit the job, she needs to work and learn responsibility. But I do agree with taking the phone and not other out of the house privellages. But I think six months is too long of a punishment. The punishment has to fit the crime. If she went out and stole a bunch of stuff, sure six months is fine but if she just snuck out and didn’t do anything illegal then no.
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Chance locked on house set up a camera
Firstly I encourage you to stay well out of this situation, this is between the parents and their daughter.Most yound ladies, (& guys) go through this type of rebellion. The years, while they children go through this, are tough on all concerned, and you are not helping by your comments…
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Let her work sure save her paychecks for her do not let her have the $
Why would u take away a job?! Thats rediculous
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It will always amaze me, but never surprised, that we give our children hella advice, and info bout how the world works, and still they will push the limits.
My 35 yr old daughter has only begun - in the last 3 yrs - to understand that I’m nearly always right in protecting her. I don’t relish in that fact, I’ve just lived life as hard as you can live it, so I know what just about any situation will bring.
Now: a 12 yr old gkid😔 he’s a great kid, an I love TF outta him, but same thing applies. He, like my daughter did is goin to learn the hard way - through experience - until something bad enough happens for him to “get it” or happens enough times to know I gave good advice, that they will think of possible out comes before they jump😂 it’s the way of the generational world.
This girl in this scenario gets “sat tf down” on this crime 
oof
We don’t tolerate lies, stealing, or bullying in this house. The punishment must fit the crime, and by co parenting, or she’s going to get hurt, and mom(in this case) is goin to regret it, unfortunately 
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Drive her to & from work. No phone and no fun. Make her do housework and pay a portion of her check to rent or phone bill. They will grow to appreciate what they have warned more than what has been given freely. Talk with her about these choices and what they will mean for her future. I like the idea of a women’s group to share experiences. But if baby momma won’t share in these ideas, it is hard to make it work. Co-parenting is imperative even in a two household situation.
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That deserves an ass whoopin’.
The mum is so wrong, she is encouraging the daughter that its ok to break rules and not have any consequences. So sad parents should have a united front even if they are separated
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I don’t think she should quit her job. She needs to make money to pay for her things and/or save money. Just have her let you guys + her mom know her work schedule
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Wait hold on does she pay for her own phone with that own jib of hers because if so I dont feel it is right for a parent to take the phone away she worked to pay for she shouldnt quit her job however the being grounded to home unless it is school or work related would be a good idea
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Quit the job maybe a little too much but agree with no electronics,
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Umm no quitting of job its called school…going to work and home no going out with friends or spending of said pay checks tho on extras just school and work for a month is a good enough punishment. 6 months is crazy and quitting a job is just down right ridiculous! Teenagers are gonna sneak out and make mistakes but seriously the punishment shouldn’t be worse then what she did so what she went and hung out with some friends get over it. Wouldnt blame her if she would of ran away if thats how your boyfriend parents smh. Let the mom take care of it and mind your own!
Quit her job? Why would her dad make her quit her way of making money? That sounds absolutely stupid to make her quit her job. I think both parents need to sit down and discuss the issue and meet in the middle.
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Quitting her job? That’s rediculous. Good luck with that. Also don’t Have anymore kids. I have had six girls and that’s the opposite of what you need to do to gain control Every teen gets grounded. And legally you can’t take away a 15 year olds phone it’s their private property and also has their school stuff in it. Believe me when I say it’s against the law
To take her phone. Hugs. The only thing you could do to change it is to make the boys scared. Been here ended in lying screaming match and they moved out and after 12 you have no say which is obvious by her staying at her moms instead. You better be careful as well because in certain groups of professionals that punishment your boyfriend wants to implement is actually textbook abuse of Normal freedoms for a teen. Life has changed. Your power was gone at 11 because they are split
Up. Hugs.
There is no adequate punishment because things work differently on different kids. And some things won’t ever work. She needs the phone to call home. She needs a job to learn real responsibilities and have money so your paying for that expensive pair of jeans.
You can make her quit the job if your willing to replace her wages.
You can take her bus pass if your willing to drive her Everywhere.
You can take her phone if you don’t care where she is.
Unfortunatley social services takes every one of these things as abuse.
Even foster kids have the right to there things and a foster parent can get charged for stepping over boundaries.
Also don’t say you can’t. It means they will. She’s already working and in highschool. Be glad she’s got a job to keep her responsible because the school Thing Is iffy. Good luck. Hope you have better luck than most
Parents. Your not alone either almost every educated working parent I know with teens is going through this right now. Teachers. Doctors nurses.
The mom just knows better than to start a hurricane. If she won’t know where the daughter is. Hugs.
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I don’t think she should quit her job, I don’t understand the logic there, everything else yes but quitting the job, no.
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Quit her job? How ridiculous 
that’s not teaching her life skills at all.
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Quit job? I’d make her work MORE hours. Only time she should leave the house
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I wouldn’t make her quit her job. The phone, yeah sure. But quitting her job as punishment is stupid. It’s a job, at 15, thats going to teach her GOOD things.
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Quitting her job? Why?
At 15, going to work at a supermarket was punishment enough for me instead of being able to hang out with friends lol.
But that being said, how does quitting her job teach her responsibility?if that were me, I would of been made go to school and work and home and thats all. No leaving the house etc.
I never snuck out. But know plenty who did and do now. 6 months sounds extreme.
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I got grounded for sneaking out when I was 15 too, made me sneak out more.
Making her quit her job is ridiculous- on the edge of stupidity. She’s mature enough to have a job so let her learn from that.
Unfortunately you don’t get to choose who she lives with unless there’s a court order. It’s actually nothing to do with you- it’s her mum and dad that need to do this.
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Well dad overreacted by slapping a 6 month sentence, like there should of been consequences, but quitting her job and being grounded for 6 months too much. I agree with consequences, but let keep it logical. There is nothing you can do bcus she’s 15 and dad was over the top. He needs to tell her he went overboard and come up with a better solution. Yes consequences, but not like this absurdity he’s suggesting.
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If she has a job let her keep it (can keep an eye on her better there) but 6 months punishment is a little too long, let her keep her phone and use it to track her
I wouldn’t make her quit her job either but not my kid so 
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Dad is being too hard. She should not have to quit her job and she should.be allowed to have her phone until a certain time each evening. She should.be grounded for a few months but not 6…
I definitely wouldn’t make her quit her job but I would be taking away her other privileges.
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What’s the reasoning behind quitting her job?
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DO NOT LET HER QUIT HER JOB! That’s teaching the wrong direction. Phone yes take it away until she acts right for a length of time. I take my kids stuff until they can be good for about a week.
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I wouldn’t make her quit her job but no fun activity’s or anything besides work and home for a month. Mom should do the same. The father should just hold onto the phone if mother won’t
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Making her quit her job doesn’t make sense lol. However let mom and dad figure it out. I don’t see why the girlfriend is even involved in it 
Y’all all confused and no middle ground
Your boyfriend seems way to strict. She shouldn’t be grounded for six months and definitely shouldn’t have to quit her job or stop extracurricular activities for six whole months. That’s just too much. Take her phone and electronics for a week and have a talk about safe sex.
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You need to butt out. You’re just the girlfriend. You have no rights to her in the eyes of the court. The punishment needs to be determined by her parents via co-parenting without romantic attachments butting in.
And I speak from experience. My husband stays out of matters that involve my oldest’s bio donor and I having to co-parent, but bio donor’s attachment does what you’re doing.
I agree with the dad, but 6 months is way too long.
I side with Dad on this one.
I would actually have her work as many hours as they have available for a minor, because during school they have very restricting hours. Take the phone, all outside activities, etc. But not for 6 months. Start with 3, with the option of 2 for good behavior (helping more around the house,etc…). But you and your boyfriend need to have a conversation about how ivolved he want you to be concerning disciplining and rewarding behaviors. Then you 2 and mom(and/stepdad if there is one) need to sit and talk. If the adults cannot get on the same page nothing will work anyways. Good luck, and feel free to inbox if you need anything, even just to vent. ( I have a 17yr old daughter:woman_facepalming:
) I feel your pain.
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I don’t think it’s any of your business, let her mom and dad worry about that, nothing to do with you.
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Quit her job? Cause dad is micromanaging…he should have done that before she left the house…
Quitting her job isnt teaching her nothing besides she doesnt need to work
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Tbh I don’t agree with making her quit her job he’s take her phone and punish her but making her quit is just too far
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Girl like i said before you need to re evaluate your relationship this guy sounds like an abusive control freak be glad the kid is with her mom
No quitting her job, let her keep the phone for emergencies BUT she cannot have a PIN/password AND she has to produce it for examination at will as in her father says hand it over, she hands it over, extracurriculars… Be careful. Some of them look good on college applications for certain programs and scholarships. If she has a specific path and an extracurricular is said to be helpful with possibly securing a scholarship within that path, let it be. If it is literally for funsies, she csn lose it. Grounding, some extra chores, essay on what she did, what the possible negative outcomes could have been (lost, kidnapped, trafficked, etc) for her choices and how she plans to make better choices in the future, revocation of her permit if she has one or a delay in obtaining one would all be appropriate.
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I wouldn’t make her quit her job, but i would take her to work and pick her up. She can use the store phone to call for a ride. I would take the phone for a month (just my opinion) other than that she can stay home for the duration of that month. School, work, home, no friends, no phone, no games, TV only, help with housework.
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Geez, I’m glad I didn’t have parents like that. My mom trusted me, she allowed me to make my own decisions. Only rules where I had to keep good grades, and go to school everyday. She was the type of mom that said come to me when you want to get on birth control, or wanted to try a drink. She told me don’t drink and drive, and she did ask that if I wanted to have a few drinks do it at home. I respected those rules. So I did have my boyfriend over at night several occasions, but never had a interest in high school parties or drugs and such. It provided me a way to be a teen, but be in a safe and sound environment. My friends who had over controlling parents ended up being wild as heck and rebelling. I remember the girls that had super strict parents where the one giving bj’s and doing it in the locker room. Teenagers need a chance to make mistakes and learn from them. I plan on doing the same parenting style with my kids. My oldest is 11 and we talk opening about anything. He knows I will answer honestly and be there for him
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I swear, she would be living with her mom from here on out. She can come over for visits. Thats it. I can’t with the foolishness. My kids wouldn’t have a phone, a job, or anything else. Smh!
Maybe talk like adults about the situation before yall become grandparents!
Her mom need to sit down strip all privileges I agree with your boyfriend after a pu ishment like this she will think twice and where tf could she have possibly been all night. If she started this already it will only get worse take as many harsh neccessary precautions now and nip it in the bud permanently
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My parents grounded me 6 months at a time. Let’s just say I spent from ages 11-when I moved out at 16 always grounded.
Could I tell you what I was grounded for and what I learned absolutely not. Lol. Take a different approach for sure.
Or she’ll feel your house is a prison. And she won’t feel comfortable opening up with you. Since you come packed with overbearing punishments.
And second. I dont even understand the logic about having her quit a job.
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You know all the people thinking the dad overreacted would be singing a different tune had she gone missing or raped or something worse jump to action now set the stage for the level of punishment so that she will know my parents parents kidding. So many young girls are going missing just hanging out with people I’m sure they think are their friends or just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
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Your dude is being counterproductive. He’s doing more harm than good, keeping her employed and involved in extracurricular is what keeps her distracted from doing stupid shit. Take everything away and leave her with idle time and nothing to look forward to, I promise she will spend that time thinking up ways to get out there and be up to no good, and she won’t have a phone to track or call, or be able to call parents.
She’s a teen and quitting her job? Wth. Dad is taking it to far and mom needs to step up a little. Y’all need to meet in the middle.
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I think making her quit her job is a mistake but when I was 15 I got rip roaring drunk at a party! My parents grounded me for a month. School, work, and home was all I was allowed. I wasn’t allowed to have a cell phone until I was 16 and could pay for it myself and had a driver’s license. I’d take that from her unless she’s at school or work in case of emergency. You can put a parental control app on it too so she can only dial certain numbers while she’s grounded.
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If yall are married then I would worry about it when she is under your roof. If ya ain’t married then its none of your business. Let her parents worry about her. Mom obviously is worthless when it comes to discipline and dad is way too harsh. I would make her do nothing but go to school, home, work and home. No phone either. And her ass would be helping out around the house in between
Your not going to “fix this” step back slowly before it explodes 
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Its up to her parents to figure that out unfortunately
Your forcing a child to quit there job? Sorry but what kind of parent does that. I would be staying with my mother too. She is being responsible and making her own money. I would hate to live with someone trying to make me quit being responsible.
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Job is fair if mom or dad do pick up and drop off for work ! That’s where I would be I would also let her keep her phone when at work for emergency’s but I would definitely put a spy app on that bad boy when she not home you know what’s going on and where she is at ! When she’s home no phone ! 15 it the time to put your foot down if you don’t do it know things are going to get a lot worse scare her make her volunteer at the homeless shelter do work for women advocate center ! Ect her her in some kind of sports or after school activity start watching her every move !
Quitting her job is going to far taking her phone away Sure…her mom will no it when she comes home with a bellyfull
She should definitely keep the job as it helps teach responsibility. Who pays the phone bill? If she pays it herself, then you can’t touch it. If he pays it, then have him stop paying the bill for her. My daughter messed up big time at 15 and lost her cell phone for 6 months. Ask me how many times she’s messed up since…the answer is zero. Sometimes you have to hit them where it hurts the most, and with teens, it’s definitely they’re cell phones and social media.
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Making her quit her job is showing her a lack of responsibility. An the issue is she was irresponsible an snuck out and lied. So teaching her to be more irresponsible doesn’t sound like the solution. Taking phone, electronics, and being grounded to work an home sounds about right.
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Id make her volunteer at places. And no sneaking out isnt ok and whoever says it is clearly doesnt know what can happen or they never had it happen to them
You should have her watch “Megan is missing”. Maybe that will give her an idea why her parents were so worried.
Making her quit her job is insane. I’d stay with my mom too. And I agree with mom here. Six months for sneaking out isn’t an okay punishment. She’s gonna learn nothing from being holed up for 6 months. After a month or two she will retaliate. She learns nothing at that point.
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This is definitely none of your business.
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Well I would let her go to work, which teaches her discipline and responsibility. But if she isn’t paying for her phone I can see taking that away. But she needs to respect hwr parents who are providing her a place to live and food to and providing a safe place for her to live. And then she does what she did is disrespectful. So sure I agree that there should be some kind of punishment. And both parents even though they r apart they should be on the same page. The girl worried both parents to death. She obvious doesn’t care about either of her parents. But now the mom is going to be the main care giver and she needs to stop being linaent because a kid will never learn what she did and she will play the parents until she is old enough to leave home. And still play both parents fir the rest of her life, until one parent says enough…
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Six months is too much, quitting her job is too much. And this is between them, stay out of it.
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Why make her quit her job
Quitting her job is pretty extreme in my opinion.
Quitting her job? Sorry she needs that for her future. Staying home and taking things will only make her count the days she is out of your house. Instead, do The Who, what, when, where board. Give her a curfew. Actually go and see what, who, where, and when she is at. I remember my parents randomly showing up. Just to make sure I wasn’t lying. I didn’t lie. I was always where I suppose to be.
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Making her quite her job is absolutely horrible and teaches her nothing at all.
6 months is way too long, no wounder why she would rather be with her mother.
Honestly there is nothing you can do as it’s all up to your partner and his daughters mother. The most you can do is tell him how you feel and talk about and agree on a punishment together with both of you and her mother
Your boyfriend is way too extreme. Why quitting the job? Also 6 months + punishment is ridiculous
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Why the hell would u make her quit her job. Your basically teaching her when things get tuff or she makes a wrong choice she should give up her livelihood. Got to be kidding me. Shes doing what most teenagers do unfortunately and punishing her for a long period of time will make her resent him even more.
So to teach responsibility your boyfriend wants to force her to irresponsibly quit her job? The aftermath of that being that when she applies somewhere else and they talk to her former boss they will hear “yeah she was with us until her parent forced her to quit. I don’t reccomend hiring as her parent may force her to be an unreliable employee.”
That seems unbelievably fucked up to me. And I would honestly tell my boyfriend that fucking with how employers will view her is just selfish and overbearing. And that she did the right thing going to her moms.
You are just a GIRLFRIEND. Her actual parents will handle it. Your opinion means absolutely nothing when it comes to someone else’s child. The fact you’re posting your boyfriend’s business would be a huge issue also. Extremely overbearing.
Let the step daughter be with her mother. The mother will soon realize her daughter hit et is out for Control.
I’d make her keep working, she needs to learn to be responsible.
Why would you make a teenager quit their job as punishment? Take away the one thing teaching them discipline?
Also, six months is far too long to be punished.
If the mom is as lenient as you suggest, both parents might be extreme. However, based on your statement of her disagreements, I’d say HE is the extremist.
If you take everything away she will only get worse. Tell her next time she’s free to invite the boys over, under your supervision, and she doesn’t have to sneak out. Loosen up folks.
Work should never be a punishment. The rest of the punishment depends on the parents house and beleaves
I’m sorry for people to say it’s none of her business because she is the girlfriend is inappropriate. One she may be wife on day & stepmom. I know one I was girlfriend it was may business because it is our house hold & I have other children so everyone is treated the same & Ex is well aware. This is something that needs to be addressed early on in the relationship or there is no relationship. It’s not about being their mom it’s about respect. Quitting the job is a no for me because that show lack of responsibility. Definitely no phone no friends no fun for at least a month & a conversation with those boys.
I think 6 months is a really long time. Someone suggested do it in increments…No point in taking her job away if you can. If you can I’d pick her up and take her to work but after a while…let her have some freedom maybe she will respect it .It is worrisome to me that she was with 2 boys …how old were they that their parents are angry too.
I think 6 months is a really long time. Someone suggested do it in increments…No point in taking her job away if you can. If you can I’d pick her up and take her to work but after a while…let her have some freedom maybe she will respect it .It is worrisome to me that she was with 2 boys …how old were they that their parents are angry too.