So me and bf have been together for about 4 months and hes had a job that needs him on call every other week which I only mention bc it feels that is the biggest cause of our fights. He dont sleep when he needs to and at times i admit its hard to with so many kids here. I have 3 here and he has 3 here for the summer. Since they have came it seems our fights are way more frequent and we are both ready to call it quits. He has a guy friend at work that has got so close to and seems to care about his life more than our family. Another guy from work suggests to him that he should cheat bc its so easy due to the job they do. Bf told me he would never listen to tht suggestion. Of course the first few months was puppy love and so perfect but now we are getting comfortable with each other and when things are good they are near perfect. But when theres a fight he pulls the card about how we fight everyday(we dont) and it makes the argument worse bc its a lie and i know im pushing buttons too but when its literally every argument that gets brought up how could i even start to solve it? The other one thats brought up everytime is how i forget things easily and that i supposably make it out to be his fault for the arguments but i know for fact i dont do that so its again to me a lie and i hate it. I feel like hes only using those cards bc they are the only things he can come up with. I am really really hoping someone has had a similar situation and can give me advice. I have tried doing nice things like a hug or kiss in mid argument to lessen the moment and even stepping away then comin back but those options arent happening anymore. Skipping to today we just finished an argument and he left for work with only a hug bc i couldnt kiss him when he couldnt even deny that he wants this to end. I told him if it makes him happy ill pack his stuff while hes at work since “theres always fighting and bitchin” im just over it and find the only option of fixing is doing so by packin his things. Take in mind the only thing he had to say for that is whatever and “imagine that”(smartass tone") He moved in with me from three hours away with only a car and his kids usually stay in that same town.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend and I non stop argue: Advice?
You…just met this guy and he is already living in your house with your children? Maybe back up and slow down until you get to know him a little better.
4 months in and he’s already living with you and your kids?! Do you even know this person, truly? Not worth your peace or your kids’ peace. Get out now.
4 moths stopped reading from there joke
Woah. Y’all are moving a bit too quick and clashing.
Personally I could never move in with someone I don’t know and move my children in with them, but each to their own. If you’re fighting this much and it’s only been “about” 4 months, I’d probably move on and cut my loses, life’s too short to bicker about petty stuff every day, especially since you already feels it happens more when his children are around.
He.soumds like a narcissist to be honest send him packing. It’s to early to be fighting like that and only together 4 months? Why would u let him live with u?
Put your kids first…it’s been 4 months, why do you want them around nonstop arguing? Move on.
It’s been 4 months and you’ve already moved him in? With your kids? Get rid of him. You two obviously weren’t meant to be.
4 months?! No wonder you’re fighting. 4 months isn’t even long enough to know if you’re compatible to live together with just the two of you, let alone with 6 kids involved.
Only 4mos in and already arguing nonstop? Definitely time to say goodbye to one another.
I’ll never understand how someone who barely knows a guy moves them in with kids in the house. 4 months and it’s already very toxic and you’re putting your kids through unnecessary bs
I think you need to move WAY slower than him moving in within 4 months. With all those kids. Thats crazy.
Throw the whole man away.
It’s only been 4 months and you guys are already fighting… not to mention I’ve never had to introduce a man that wasn’t their dad to my children… but if I ever had to it would take a lot longer then 4 months… and I would absolutely not have him living with us. Or us be living with him… of course you guys are fighting. You guys don’t even know eachother and you have 6 kids in the mix. All of which don’t belong to eachother. you guys need to try finishing the dating process before jumping into a life that meant for marriage
Not good for anyone for all the arguing especially the kids.
4 months always fighting. Leave.
Too me it feels like he wants out
Ive been here i think when an argument arises you guys should seperate feel it and then come together and talk because you arent fighting eachother its you two against the problems and the world and make sure when stuff gets talked about its dropped and doesnt come up again because thats not fair
Y’all moved way too quick especially if y’all only been together for 4 months and you let a man you barely know move in with u and your children and now his children. Also He doesn’t need a woman telling him when he needs to sleep you’re not his mother.
Honestly you shouldn’t be living together especially if children are evolved it took me a year for my kids to meet my now fiance and another year until we moved in together. We needed time to get to know each other before we started a life together
Arguing this much this early is not good. Leave
It’s 4 months and yall are already having major issues? That’s a red flag. Good luck
wow… 4 months he moves in and you fight nonstop with your kids there. from a single mom perspective wtf were you thinking
1st problem is the quickness that you moved in together. You did not know each other so what you’re experiencing now is seeing his authentic personality. You can’t expect to know someone in 4 months and it be totally smooth sailing. That’s extremely rare and not conducive with real life. If you’re serious about him, work it out. Often relationships that happen this quickly will bring up our own unhealthy relationship coping mechanisms and insecurities rear their ugly heads when we don’t know exactly what we’re dealing with. I highly suggest talking to him about this and not Facebook.
So stop talking sh** and pack his stuff all of it and change the locks and when he gets home there it is the end
Let him go. This should be the honey moon stage. Find someone that has time for u. He’s using u to babysit his kids for the summer. Don’t do it. Let him go.
Sounds like too much going on, and you both moved in together too fast. That’s why you’re both always stressed and Arguing. Arguing every day is a good way to end up enemies in the end. Some ppl just aren’t a good match regardless of the good moments shared. When you have kids you gotta take your time and get to know the person. Your kids are going through unnecessary drama now, which could’ve been avoided. The only ppl I feel bad for, are your kids. Get your priorities straight…
So pack his stuff have it waiting for him when he gets home and he can leave
You all moved in together too quick. Didn’t even know each other.I d tell him move out get his own place since he’s so unhappy,if he wont,chances are he’s just using you for a place to live. Be a better example for you kids. They are listening and learning.
Let him go, and let him pack his own things
Hes gaslighting you. Boy bye
Moving way too fast, especially with children involved.
Communication skills and respect are lacking from both of you if you’re already bickering with each other every day, and after only 4 months.
Is he using you because his work commute is closer now?
I’d rethink this whole arrangement fast.
you moved in together and youve only known him 4 months? Thats the issue!
Well while I think 4 months was soon to move in only you know whether that was a good decision or not.
His friends in his ear is not helpful. My husband also had a friend/coworker influencing behavior that was unacceptable in a relationship. We put a stop to that immediately. Uh-huh there will be a zero disrespect to our relationship tolerance. However, fighting constantly is not normal. While communicating is great, simply throwing thing up in eachother’s faces is unhealthy. It sounds like a dead-end relationship to be honest and you should end it while things are still amicable and before more children are involved.
FOUR months since you met?
FOUR months since you started dating?
FOUR months since you started living together?
How long did you know him before you let him move in with you and your children?
Should have though through awhile longer……dating 4 months move in together and 6 kids?!?He needs to go
You’ve only been together 4 months and you’re living together AND trying to blend 6 kids?
That’s a recipe for disaster.
Live separately. Get to know each other slowly, knowing that putting a family of 8 together is a daunting task under the best of circumstances.
4 months enough said…
Lmfao 4 months you’re still in the puppy love stage, if you’re fighting then walk away… lmao 4 months
Wayyyy too early to kove in together. Especially with children
Pack his bags sounds of it that is really what he wants 4months is a little to soon to move in together but I wish u luck with whatever you do
4 months, only 4 months. You live together and have only been together 4 months. You are putting your kids in DANGER! You don’t even know this man! Red flags! Leave now!! My hubby and I have been together over 4 years and still have puppy love ! Argument maybe, maybe every couple months! Can’t believe you moved a dude in with your kids and only been with him 4 months !
For crying out loud, both of u need to grow up & put the KIDS first. Moving in together so quickly us nearly always a bad idea & definitely with kids involved
When you come to a disagreement, keep it on topic!! Don’t resort to things that have happened. Unless it’s a pattern. Blending families is hard. Learning another’s love language is also important.
4 months and he’s living with you and your children? And he brought his children? And you fight all the time?
You do what you need to do for you and your kids. Most people say 4 months is too soon to move in with someone, but i can only tell you only you know if that is true or not. My boyfriend and I were living together within two months. I can say there is the whole puppy love and the issues, I’ve been there, things have gotten better on my end though. I know this was posted anonymously but if you can pm me if you’d like. Sometimes you need someone to talk to that won’t judge you so fast.
Escape while you can. Also, please learn how to enter a relationship to guarantee the safety of your children. You literally don’t know this guy.
4 months?!!! You barely know each other. Sweet Jesus I often wonder if these questions are even real
It’s only been 4 months and your kids are meeting him…?
Ma’am. This is called a lesson learned. Don’t let anybody move in with you and your kids. 4 freaking months!??? No way dude
Pack his bags. Let his friend have him.
I can’t judge to much cause we moved into together at 5 months, but I was also pregnant with his kid and my 2 older kids wanted to live with him before we even made any efforts to do it, I didn’t just say hey we are moving like it or not. They love him and he was around for abit before we got together. I’ve been with him for 2 years and we haven’t had 1 fight yet. I’m sure we both do thing that irritates the other. But everything doesn’t need to be a fight. It’s only been 4 months and you had him move in with you and your 3 kids and he has 3 of his own. How long did you know him before getting together? And how soon after that did you move him in? 6 kids and neither of you thought it was moving to fast? If y’all are fighting this often so soon you might as well end it.
4 months and you’re already having these issues? Sounds like you need to rethink the relationship
People need to start thinking about their kids. Instead of themselves
The truth…4 months and your living with him…ya both desperate and need to grow up…my opinion only since YOU put it out there…
Why are people with kids moving in together after such a short time? I mean damn, you’ve only been together 4 months and you’re living together, and calling yourselves a family??
This post screams, we rushed into a relationship, moved into together without really knowing each other and 100% should not have.
4 months is nothing, you barely know a person, and the you added 6 children into the mix… it s a recipe for disaster.
Personally, I think you should separate, live in your own homes and date. But jmo.
This toxic at 4 months… + Y’all have 6 kids in the home. How could you possibly know a person fully within that time and trust them? Lady…
You need to rethink your priorities. Been together “about 4 months”. How long where you together before the man moved in with you and your children?
He’s using you for a home. It’s as simple as that.
Let him go back. That’s wayyy too much drama. And also for those kids. They don’t need to be apart of all that. I feel like it would be so difficult to combine that many people together. It would be hard as hell to give everyone the attention they need and deserve. Just let it go. Move on. Find a man without kids.
I have been there have the shirt to prove it.
This is what I did and maybe it will work for you too. It’s going to sound dumb but it’s worth a try.
There is a movie called fireproof you should watch it it has a book called the love dare to go with it.
What the movie showed is the lead male was focusing more on his job and wanting a boat and x-rated stuff and the wife was chasing a male at work.
The husband got rid of his computer so he didn’t watch x rated stuff or search the web. Then he started working on keeping the house clean and so on for the both of them.
He basically went back to the basics of how he won her love.
With everything you both have to face as parents and a couple and individuals life gets hard.
Keep a daily journal to let out your feelings but try not to argue or fight with him when the kids are around, focus on being the best mom and girlfriend. When you are getting ready for the day and making breakfast for the kids make his and prep his lunch even get the kids to help you with things around the house and for him but most importantly try to never fight in front of the kids. When you see things are going that way calmly tell him let’s talk later instead of in front of the kids. Go do something with the kids and so on.
I’m not saying this is or will be easy but it’s an option. If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to message me
Sounds like your already living together, I’d take a step back and build SLOWLY
He is gaslighting at 4 months in? Yea that doesn’t sound like he is ready for a long term commitment with 6 kids and all… he needs to keep a journal to keep his days straight and his lies straight… I know the dating scene is rough so if yall do work it out he will need to realize that you know you are being gaslighted and it isn’t going to work for you any longer… set boundaries and don’t let this jade you. Some people have had no healthy relationships so he may not even know how messed up he is… he needs support and a lot of work to be a decent person.
It’s been 4 months and since you guys are out the puppy love stage you’re finding out just how compatible y’all actually are. Before you moved him in did you guys even discuss how it would work with different work schedules and methods on blending two separate family units, etc.? You need to break up and legally evict him from yalls home. You could try kicking him out but legally he’s a tenant and has his rights. And look into therapy. Don’t blame your relationship issues on his kids. Blame it on the fact y’all moved way to fast and just weren’t ready.
What happened to getting married and not just “living” together??
Sweetie he’s a narcissist. RUN!
Biggest thing… moved in at 4 months? You both have kids? Smh.
He’s using you and being a dickhead. The audacity of someone complaining you forget stuff when you’re dealing with 3-6 children at any time. That’s to much petty drama when kids are involved imo
You rushed into this. Now you have all your kids involved. You need to separate. This isn’t healthy for those kids.
Girl no he’s using you for a place for his kids. Pack his shit and tell him to come get it. Don’t let any man treat you like that. Y’all only been together 4 months and he’s already moved all the way in and now wants to start petty arguments? No ma’am. That would not fly in my house.
I always tell my friends/family, if you are with someone and bad things or arguments keep happening, leave.
Did you say that you moved a man into your house that you have only been dating for 4 months???
Huge red flags!!! Narcissist all the way!!! Get out now. It will never get better. It will only get worse and bow there are 6 kids in the middle of it all.
ANYONE who blames every fight on you and says it’s all your fault because you do this and you do that, is a straight up narcissist and you need to run as fast as you from this relationship! That is GASLIGHTING to the millionth degree and it does not and will not get better! RUN!!!
Sounds like your rushed things by living together before really getting to know each other. I think it’s time to step back from this relationship.
4 months and you moved a man into your home with your kids?? 4 months and the fighting is this bad??
Too much of a headache for 4 months… bye.
I moved in with my boyfriend after 2 months of dating! Pregnant by the 3rd month!
NOT with having 6 kids in the mix though! My boyfriend and I were only 19 though! If I had 3 kids I’d be living on my own taking that shit slow!! But here I am with my now husband, 6 kids and 9yrs later haha! So who am I to give advice
I stopped at dating 4 months & living together… girl bye. Seek help.
In the vast majority of cases, the one at fault will always try to play it down, deny what they’ve done and/or claim it’s the other one at fault and that is regardless of the relationship.
You are both toxic you moved to fast in my opinion you got the kids involved and now they pay the price for your fighting I moved in wity my father daughter after 2 years we ended it cause we stopped bone fight cause my daughter meant more to me then a man get it straight your kids are more important than a man
Wow. Sounds like you guys are over it. Might be a good idea to put a stop to it and bond with your kids for the summer.
This looks exactly like a narcissist pattern from the moving WAYYYY too fast to him actually gaslighting you about how often you fight and how it’s all your fault when you do. Esp when you says “when it’s good it’s perfect” that’s probably live bombing. Just leave it only gets worse from here and in the future be wary of people who want to go so fast in relationships- it’s always a bad sign.
Y’all rushed into this relationship without even getting to know each other. The only issue I see is that you’ve barely been dating 4 months and already live together. That’s a huge mistake. He’s a grown man and can set his own sleep schedule, it’s not your job your not his mom. You knew he was on call every other week so you knew what you were getting with that. ￼if he’s telling you that you forget a lot, start setting reminders on your phone, he obviously felling like your making it out to be his fault. That’s how your making him feel so it can’t be a lie. You both have issues and need to separate
Whoa. You wanna talk about him gaslighting you, when you gaslit him throughout your entire post as well. Sound alike YOU need to learn to take responsibility as well. If his employer requires him to be on-call every other weekend- then that is his job. Yeah, people form friendships within the workplace. Sometimes those conversations come with advice we’d take with a grain of salt. At least he communicated it to you, & didn’t hide it. If you don’t want to be responsible for his three children while he’s at work, tell him he needs to seek a sitter for his children. Sounds like you’re expecting him to be a mind reader, which he is not & neither are you. If you forget things easily (which is definitely easy to do being responsible for so many littles)- get you a notebook or a planner & write shit down. Sounds like you want him to change many aspects and behaviors of his own, without compromising yourself in the process to change any of yours.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes y’all been together for 4 months trying to blend 2 households while y’all don’t or barely know each other at all yeah your smart bright one only been together for 4 months and already living together within first month of dating you should stop this is a disaster seek Jesus because you need it
That is exactly what happened when you let a man move in with you when you have been together less than for months .
What is wrong with you ?
Yikes. Yall are only together 4 months and he already moved in with his kids
Where is your mama???
4 months?? ￼ 6 kids???
What is wrong with you? Why are you putting your children through this??? Not to even mention his three kids… BUT YOU as thier Mom …. You’re causing damage to your children that is not repairable￼￼￼￼￼￼. Please look up a narcissist because that’s exactly what your man sounds like with all his stupid games and blaming you and trying to make you feel like everything is your fault. You need a full one put the brakes on… smh
Even if you want this relationship to work out he needs to move out no matter what that is the first step to making this relationship work. You guys absolutely should not be living together after four months…￼￼￼￼￼
All your poor children…
I’ve gathered that he is only there because he doesn’t work much, and can’t support himself. He can’t come out and tell you he wants out because he NEEDS you. Best believe if he had his sh:t together, he would have been gone. Don’t let him use you sis. You were thriving before you met him, you will be just fine without him. Don’t let him guilt you. Have his things in the yard when he gets off work, and send his kids outside when you see his car pull up. Obviously, he is not going to take it well so ask a police to stake your home around that time. Don’t give him the opportunity to guilt you. Set yourself and your children free from this unnecessary toxicity now, or you will be back at square one. Hopefully, this is a lesson learned for you. You can do it.
You moved someone in with your children after only 4 months? That was your first mistake.
If you guys are arguing nonstop this early into the relationship, it isn’t going to get better. Cut it off now and be responsible and live alone with your children. They do not deserve to be exposed to every new boyfriend you pick up. Stop that.
Y’all rushed everything. 3 kids each and none of you thought to do alot of things differently
Don’t you think 6 kids would put a strain on any relationship. You haven’t said how old they are or if they get on. You say your arguing and bickering all the time , I’m not surprised he trying to hold down a job with irregular hours and I presume your looking after the kids. Is the argument or bickering has gone on for a long time by blaming you he’s trying to get a reaction from you to end the argument . Men are like that most don’t like arguments so they say it’s your fault end of.why after only a very short space of time did you move in together? You have had no time to get to know each other. You know the old saying "marry in haste repent at leisure "
Toxic. And only 4 months together? Girl! You need to take it slow with a man, especially when you have kids involved.
First of all 4 months is still suppose to be the honey moon phase and why would you move in with someone after 4 months when you have children in your home like some kinda teenager? I swear the ppl who post on here are on something
Okay so I know everyone here is either judging or saying walk away…. I moved 3 hours away with my kids to live with my fiancé we met august 3rd and we moved middle of September… everyone I knew was telling me how I rushed it … we also got engaged December 18th and getting married the 18th of this month … yes I got a lot of hate from my side but all support from his side … we were the same way the food is amaizng and perfect like you know it’s meant to be and everything you want … we had started getting into fights and it started off small and then picked up to a lot … for us it was about drinking cause he can’t handle his liquor … and we are both very headstrong people extremely head strong … also backstory he was in prison for 7 years and hadn’t even been out for a full year … so I try to understand he’s still having to learn things that most of us already learned but he couldn’t at the time … and he has a hard time opening up so when he’s mad he says mean things with snarkieness because in prison they use everything against you … but usually he doesn’t talk to me when we fight he ignores me and and refuses to speak because he knows he’d say things he didn’t mean that would hurt me but I have to speak I want to talk things out he doesn’t he wants it to just end with out speaking so in my mind no resolving the issue… there have been times I thought maybe we wouldn’t make it and we should just end … but we finally talked about it and we both don’t want to walk away we both want to be together we are both madly in love with each other … I’ve tried the kissing the hugging the showing my Tatas lol but I’ve learned I have to try his ways too what works for him and once he’s happy (usually after bj) I’ll bring up my feelings and talk about it and that helps … he’s slowly learning lol he has apologized once he realizes he’s been an ass… so my advice isn’t to leave and end shit cause all relationships have struggles and fights… they’re not all easy … there will always be fights … question is is it worth the fight? Is he worth it? Do you stay mad at him all the time ? Even during the good? I’d try and talk to him after y’all calmed down completely don’t rush into ending it so fast … honestly it’s up to you and what you want … I know some are saying it’s narcissistic pattern … I’ve been through the abusive relationships and learned how to find red flags and to tell how someone is bad news for myself … took a lot of time … in my case with my fiancé it isn’t that it’s we are both broken and both have to learn to give and to be understanding and to realize we are both damaged … we know for us we aren’t giving up on each other no matter what … so my advice is do what’s best for you and what your heart desires … if it is an abuse toxic situation it will show later on in the relationship… and I suggest if it becomes that leave immediately… but all boils down to you … good luck and if you need a friend you can message me and add me