My boyfriend becomes abusive when he drinks: What should I do?

Have other mamas dealt with a person who has an alcohol problem? My boyfriend has an issue with tolerating his alcohol and becomes verbally, mentally & physically abusive every time! He makes me seem like I have pushed him to a limit that he has to become defensive. But he does it every time he has drunk, and I can’t handle it. He says I overreact, and I’m ignorant because I don’t want alcohol in my home anymore because of this. Advice?


Leave, it will only get worse.
You don’t deserve that

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You need to get yourself out of that toxic relationship I was in one of those he beat me so bad I’m surprised I’m still here


Leave him. It’s that simple.

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Dump him -you don’t want to live a life with an alcoholic

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You already know what you need to do

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I only read the opening line and I can tell you, LEAVE NOW

Leave…if he is abusive while drunk ots only a matter of time before he is sober.

Tell him to get help give him a time limit for this to happen then if he still not got help end the relationship… Saying that you nerd to keep yourself safe too…xx

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Leave. He’s gaslighting you. Just leave.

He is abusive when he drinks and he thinks you’re wrong for not wanting to be abused… This screams to me it is time for him to go.

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Leave!!! My husband put me through this for SEVEN years and three kids together. He passed away now but he did get arrested and things got VERY bad before he passed away (drinking and pills killed him). I’m so sorry honey but seriously you NEED to leave before it gets even worse! I promise you it does not get better. Only worse.

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Don’t allow it. End of story.

He is toxic. He won’t change. Send him on his way and be done. Why would you settle for abuse, ever? Do yourself a favor and cut him loose.

Leave now because it only get worse. I made that mistake and made the excuse for years ita only the alcohol it is the person… that’s bullshit. Leave before anything bad happens to you please

you tell him its you or the alcohol. the next time he drinks. you leave. my ex husband was the same way. which is why he is now my ex.

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Leave him he going to keep doing it,next it’s going to be putting his hands on you,get out while you can and quick.

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT! Please don’t make my mistake! Get out! I almost lost my life!

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Please leave your not ignorant at all… he is an alcoholic and will bring you down with him… also you should NEVER stay with a man who abuses you on any level alcohol is not an excuse !!!

Until he gets help with his addiction and issues, this is going to continue. Please leave and find a safe place. And maybe set up some cameras so he can see how he acts when he is this way. Maybe seeing it will trigger him to stop and get help. :woman_shrugging:t3:
Good luck girl.


I would say “either quit drinking or I’m gone” and stick to whatever you say. It ain’t gonna be long before he gets abusive while sober.


He either quits drinking or you leave. Mine quit.


Beat his ass…then leave :joy:

My recent breakup with an alcoholic… he destroyed me. I left out detials…but you get the point… :sob::broken_heart:

I think I need to start the New Year by being brutally honest, holding myself accountable and turning off the light I’ve been leaving on for you…

I wish it was as easy for me as it was for you…
I wish I could just switch the memory of you off…like a light switch… the way you shut your emotions off… ohhhhh …your sent that haunts me… the way the earth trembled every time we touched… that intense passion we had for one another…wild and untamed … the cosmic thunder that shook me to my core when we made love… how I melted under your finger tips… every single time you touched my skin… even the most gentle innocent of touches… how you were my first kiss in the morning and my last every night… how I gave all my heart and soul into every love note I wrote you in the lunches I made you every day…
How I craved your eyes on me and your body wrapped around me… I fell madly and deeply and passionately for you… I let myself go… all in… blindly and foolishly… deeper into your abyss … I poured myself into you… wanting to fill your empty cup… heal your pain and help you out of the darkness. You were broken… lost and hurting… so was I. I only wish you could have been a better man…
Our memories are tainted by your anger, hateful words, awful actions, unfaithfulness, abuse… selfishness…I can still smell it… the alcohol…that whiskey that oozed from your mouth and dripped from your lips…every… damn… day…
you had your addiction… but oh darling… you were mine… I was high off your touch, intoxicated by your kiss and drowning in the depths of your dark soul… I yearned for you… that man I held so many nights crying on the floor… full of self hatred… anger… resentment… past mistakes and all your regrets…
I was your rock, your home, your safe place … I was your best friend…your other half… your soulmate… you told me this…and I would have laid my life on the line for you… I did… and you set me on fire…put me high on that pedestal… then tore me apart…pulled the rug out beneath me…broke me…hurt me in ways indescribable…cheated…lied…physically…emotionally and mentally hurt me…left me alone, bleeding… sobbing in the ER while I lost our unborn child… and you laughed as I burned for you… cried for you… then you walked away leaving me to die a slow painful death… you destroyed my heart and broke my soul… and now all I’m left with are the scars and the pain… and you’re no where to be found… so why can’t I unfeel you, un smell you, un taste, un love you… shut off the good memories of you or turn the light off…

:broken_heart: Robyn M.


Sounds like my life story growing up… they don’t change.

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If he can’t respect your feelings then he doesn’t respect you. You deserve more!

Dump him he will never change was in the exact same situation 2 yrs ago and life couldn’t be better since I left

Leave him now!! This type of situation doesn’t get any better. It will just get worse and worse.

I didn’t even need to read the rest of the post. The first sentence was enough. Leave. Alcohol doesn’t make him do anything. It just lowers your inhibitions and makes you more likely to act or do something you wouldn’t normally do without alcohol because you don’t have a filter. He’s not just mentally, physically, and verbally abusive. He’s also emotionally abusive which is the hardest one to leave because he’s trying to make you feel like it’s your fault. It’s not.


Easy. Leave your abusive relationship.

I sold everything I owned and moved my children to a new town to be with the person I thought was my forever. Once we were living together he was the same way. And began to drink more and more. I was in an abusive marriage for 15 years prior and wasn’t going to do it again. I had nothing! Not even a spoon or fork but I left and started all over. Get out, no matter what you have to do. It’s worth it


Leave! Hes abusive while drinking, pretty soon he will be when hes sober too. Not worth your time anymore. Hes toxic and he wont change


Leave. He isnt going to stop until you put your foot down. It may seem impossible to leave, but it will only get worse. And one day it may not be you he is abusive to, but your child(ren).

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Alcoholics will always be alcoholics, it is up to him to change his ways and realise it isn’t good for him, you have to decide are you going to stick by his ways

Record him. Show him when he’s sober. Then tell him stay sober or leave

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Aye tell em quit or sayonara…

go find a new boy friend that doesn’t drink

Sounds like a door is closing

Which is more important…alcohol or you?


Give him a choice…alcohol or you??
After that you know you’re answer

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It’s easy to say leave… but really he could kill u. Get Into alanon and out of that situation.

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Walk away been there done that and have scars for staying, he will not give up until he wants to do not stay to be his punch bag I walked for mine and my daughter’s safety as the last time he hit me was getting my head smashed in a phone box door trust me it may be scary but it will be better for you be safe and cry build yourself back up and raise your bar you are worth so much more xx


Watch the movie Enough


My long ago ex told me the same thing I stayed with his toxic drunk ass for four years . Yeah I know my stupid mistake . I lost a child and almost lost my life multiple times I was stabbed in the stomach and locked in closets and beat for hours on end . It only gets worse and when you dig yourself I. That hole it only gets harder GET OUT GET AWAY EVEN IF YOU LOSE THINGS ,it’s better than losing your self !

I understand it’s so much easier said than done but girl you have got to leave. Drunk actions are sober thoughts- my mom told me that the whole time I was growing up.


Wave bye bye with you middle finger in air… like you just dont care… then listen dua lipa - rules and… then find someone else. As next time it maybe a body bag you end up in… oh im not sugar coating it btw.

Run away and don’t look back!

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Leave hes not ready for help!

Leave him alone…I just went through this same thing😔

people die from staying in these situations…it will only escalate. For your safety leave…it’s him not you.

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Leave now. It only gets worse

Bye bye boyfriend. Dont know what he has to do for u to see you need to leave.
I suggest leaving before he hurts u so bad u end up in the hospital or worse.
He will not change…you have no power at all in changing him.
Only thing u can do it take ownership of YOURSELF and get out. If u have a child, do u really want that child around that kind of stuff? He will turn on the kid…then what?

It won’t stop. Leave. My ex husband was like this and I endured it for years. I hid the bruises and dealt with the abuse, and then he tried doing it to my daughter. He was gone after that.

At this point, throw the entire idiot in the trash.



I was in this relationship in 2016. Everytime he got drunk there would be physical violence from him directed towards me, started with yelling, pushing and shoving. Then moved to choking pulling hair etc. He blamed me, then promised to stop drinking then made excuses and blamed me some more. Kept drinking and kept getting violent. In Jan of 2017 he put me in the hospital after beating me so severely in front of my then 8 year old daughter… PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE.


It ain’t gonna get better if he’s not willing to get treatment.
You may as well leave the him now before you or your children get hurt bad.

No matter the situation, no matter the substance they’re taking, you are not responsible for someone else’s actions. It is unacceptable for someone to abuse you!!
Get out and get out now, it’s not worth it!
It is a long hard road to get sober, especially when you don’t think you have a problem and they have to want to get help. You cannot change anyone. The only thing you can do is distance yourself from it.


Run, get out before it’s too late. /Sorry but think of what could happen if you stay . Get help

Leave him! He will not change, believe me!

Get out. Respect yourself and tell him no more drinking and tell him why. I don’t know what you’re thinking is going to happen but I think you know it’s going to be bad. You don’t want this so say so if he can’t respect that or listen to your concerns why are you with him?

You can’t make anyone choose you if they don’t want to and seeing he has a problem that ends with him hitting you it’s obvious he isn’t choosing you. You should leave and find a man that loves and protect you, not drinks and abuses you and makes you believe it’s somehow your fault.

Girl if you have kids and you love them… get out now!!! He is replaceable but your kids are not!! Love yourself enough to safely exit the relationship. Hopefully you aren’t living together yet? If so, time to pack up and get your friends and family involved in a moving party!!

From personal experience…RUN!!!

He’s an alcoholic and it won’t get better unless he gets sober, it will only get worse. You don’t need to deal with that nor do your kids.

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Yes. I went rounds and rounds with this person and I ultimately ended up leaving this person because he did not see this as a problem. Some people just shouldn’t drink alcohol. Particularly wounded egos.
If they don’t see the very obvious problem with their actions, then they gotta go.


It only gets worse!!! If he can’t stop drinking for you you need to ESCAPE before you become another statistic…

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Leave that’s pretty much our only option cuz he won’t get any better

doesn’t get better… record his behavior when he is drunk and when sober him sees it… u will see he is using alcohol as an EXCUSE… leave now and never look back


I just got out of a 5 year relationship where the same thing would happen when he would drink… Please get yourself out dont wait it just gets worse… Keep yourself safe please

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From experience they won’t change, they may do for a few days/weeks but it will always be the same, or worse, please think about if you really want to put up with this, you may love him but it won’t make a difference in the long run, if they want to drink they will and won’t care what happens during their drink binge, they may be remorseful and make you feel sorry for them but it will mentally break you, I’ve been there twice and I thought I could help them, turns out you can’t help people who don’t want to be helped unfortunately. If you want to chat my inbox is open. Hope your ok love x


You really need advice for this. Will you take the advice because most abused women don’t. Everyone is gonna tell you to leave because that’s the only way out. He won’t change. He’ll beg you and say he’ll change but it never doe. You can say your different but your not. Millions of women die. You wanna take that chance? :cry:


Stick to your rules ! Some people turn to monsters when they drink . Hide a recorder and let him see for himself what an asshole he is when drunk.

I’m sorry, but I didn’t read past the “abusive” part. Leave. Abuse is never okay from either party. If it’s that bad, go to the police. Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe

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Is anyone really going to give any other advice besides to get rid of him? This is a question with an obvious solution. Hopefully seeing a chorus of the same answer will convince you.


Leave him until he can get himself help. People with addiction problems and people who get angry when they drink like this need time to see how they truly are and to think. If he cant see how he is and does not change then it’s on him. You deserve better and if he cant see that and cant give you what you deserve then hes not worth staying with. Never settle for less.

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do your self a favor and get out if u can. i have been there.he would ask me to count money being drunk treated me like i was stupid and didnt count right and it was a 1.00 in daughter doesnt see her dad because what he has put her through. alcohol was more important to him and the taxes after his daughter was born…no not ignorant because u dont want alcohol in your home.

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Leave. Itll only get worse. Dont let urself stay in a bad situation. It isnt healthy mentally or physically for u

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Leave fast, and if you have kids he cannot be in your lives


I agree leave there is better out there for you
Also try doing u for 1
Love your self get back your confidence girl
I hate seeing this happen with these girls
Grow some balls

Leave, it’s better to go home alive then in a body bag

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Leave. My ex was like this. The first time he ever hurt me was when he was drunk. He pushed me into the road (into oncoming traffic). The next time he hurt me he was drunk as well. He apologized both times. But then he started doing when he was sober. Flash three years into the future. He tried to kill me. Put a knife to my throat. Hid the phone before hand. Told me he was gonna cut my baby out of my stomach (we had been thinking I was pregnant at the time but thank God I wasn’t.) … Alcoholism is just the beginning to a toxic relationship… Be wiser than I was and leave now.

leave… that’s the only thing you can do

OMG! been on that situation 5 years ago😢 theres no other way, he wont change… i am talking by experience… run hun run!

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It’s a never ending battle!! It’s time you move on, you deserve better!! I was In this relationship, I gave him support, went to meeting with him, he left me sitting by myself while he went off to liquor store across the street & sat in the bushes drinking!! After Meeting was over, we were walking home. I was so mad I walked ahead if him. I looked back to check on him, he was so drunk he fell off into the road!! I had to drag him away just in time to save his sorry ass!! Point is this was a toxic relationship & I suffered the mental & some physical abuse. It always that I this or that, never was he the problem. Get on with your life!! It’s never going to get better I til he realized he needs help & does something about it.

If you don’t feel comfortable with his drinking habits, then you should leave before it gets worse :disappointed:

He has got to go. There’s no if ands or butts it needs to be over.

When someone starts blamong you for their shitty behavior it’s time to go… It starts with alcohol and can end up with harder things over time let him spiral alone cause he’s gonna bring you straight down with him I know ive been there first a few beers then pills then meth and crack cocaine I lost everything and almost committed suicide because I felt so worthless and helpless and you said this is happening every time now too… how much more does he have to show you before you listen?

Leave. Kick him out. You deserve better and no MAN will treat you that way. Bo matter the amount hes had to drink.

Show him the door when he is sober.

What should you do ab an alcoholic & abusive boyfriend? Hmmmmm… That’s a difficult one. Idk, maybe stay until he kills you? :roll_eyes:

Leave, he is blaming you, not the real problem. He has to want to stop, you cannot make him. If you are that important to him. He will make that decision. Leave now, dont not let him back unless he is totally 100 percent sober.

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I divorced over drinking-he thinks more of drinking than he does you-tell him alcohol or me you choose-it gets worse and worse-spending whole payday on drinking and no rent paid or groceries

He’s just looking for an excuse to be abusive without being held accountable for it. If it wasn’t alcohol it would be some other excuse. Don’t let him. If he gets violent with you while he is drunk, call the cops. File a police report. Create a legal trail of accountability for his actions. If you have a kid with him, that will be very important in making your case for custody. I recommend leaving him.

Leave. Have enough respect for yourself & children if you have any. He isn’t worthy of you!There is always gonna be a reason to drink. Imagine the nice things you could have with that money.

Ewww I will never be with a Drunk for sure my dad was one and my kids dad was to do so I would tell him to fuck of or else … you gotta stand your ground tell him to stop or to kick rocks

Run as far away as you can! If he does this while pregnant, imagine how bad it’ll progress later on. Plus he will not only get worse with you but also abuse your child. Get out, and don’t let him know where you are! Advice from someone who made the mistake of staying and allowing my son’s dad access to my son.

Easier said then done but you need to leave due to the abuse alone and his denial and failure to take responsibility only shows he will continue. Do you have a support system?

Get the hell out! He won’t change, and he is dangerous.

He is abusive, get out. It’s not just the drinking. Drinking does not cause abuse. You do not cause abuse. HE CHOOSES TO BE ABUSIVE. The only thing that causes abuse is abusers.


Leave…it will never change in fact it could get worse. I lived like that for 21 years…left home
Got married. My husband was the first to stand up to my Dad. Move on enjoy life.