My boyfriend and I have been together for ten years. He cheated on me all the time at the beginning of our relationship, even with a couple of my supposed best friends. He was always very apologetic and promised to change. I know I should’ve left at that point, but I was very insecure about myself and felt that was the love I deserved. Most of our relationship has been about doing whatever I can to please him. Fast forward to about eight years into our relationship; we have two kids together, a seven-year-old and five-year-old. We communicate well now, and he told me he was young and dumb, and he didn’t realize what he had, and now he does. It’s just this past year; I have been going through something emotionally where I just feel so broken. I feel so guilty, but I felt like his changing came too late. I don’t feel in love with him as much I did in the beginning. We have made a good life together. And our kids are comfortable where they are at right now. I really don’t want to disrupt their lives because of whatever I’m going through. And I feel like he’s changed finally, should I stay and give him another chance? Could I fall back in love with him? Or am I hurting him now? I just feel at a loss.
My boyfriend cheated a lot in the beginning of our relationship, now I think I am losing feelings: Thoughts?
I would take some time to figure out if it’s just a phase or if you really did fall out of love.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. You should have ditched him 10 years ago. Sorry for being so blunt.
I would maybe try a vacation without kids and try to see if you can in fact rekindle and give it a real chance. But agreed you should have ditched him long ago. But this is the bed you made so you gotta lay in it.
So you stayed when he was being awful, but now that he’s doing good you want to leave? I think you kinda have stuff backwards.
I feel like I could of wrote this but we have 6 kids , I love him but not the same way he treats me more like a live in maid and whatever I do everything for him and he does nothing in return but kids are happy and I don’t wanna upset them torn , it’s so hard I feel what you are going through ! He cheated a lot at the begging too I always think back to it too it plays on my mind but I’m too soft to say what I think
It’s normal for the love you feel for someone to change over time. Whether you want to be there though is something only you can answer. Talk to him. He may be feeling the difference in you and want to help rekindle the old feelings.
Love changes over time, as do people. It’s inevitable. My advice is to go see a counselor to help sort through everything. It sounds like you’re stuck emotionally without knowing where you want to go and having another’s perspective can help. It sounds like you still want things to work, so don’t give up just yet unless you truly need to for your own emotional wellbeing.
Mid life crisis, I feel you.
Get rid of him. There are better men out there.
"My boyfriend and I have been together for ten years. He cheated on me all the time at the beginning of our relationship, even with a couple of my supposed best friends. "
God you’re an idiot
Love changes through all relationships with time. It’s time to evaluate yourself and feelings.
Go to couples counseling, you have alot vested in this relationship now. You both need to establish what’s he’s done in the past,how you feel about it now and what’s going to happen going forward. If he won’t go and help you move past it. Go to a lawyer by yourself and a therapist by yourself. You need to figure out why it’s been ok for his behavior for 10 years but not now. If you don’t think it can saved a lawyer can help you craft a safe and financially safe escape plan. Good luck!
Do what makes you happy, and what will make you happy in the long run. Bc what matters is that you’re a happy and healthy mother to your children. Your happiness matters too. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
If he stopped cheating on you and these feelings came after that, then it could be that you are the kind of lady that likes a relationship when it’s a roller coaster and when a guy is cheating it keeps you very interested. I know a couple of people who only move out with the cheating treat you bad kind of guy and when with a good guy they immediately feel bored and out of love. It sometimes comes from feelings of inadequacy and feeling that you deserve a man who isn’t good. Or it could come from coming from a very dysfunctional family and you grow up equating such disfunction to love or see it as normal. So examine yourself and see that it’s not just a matter of getting bored once you off the roller coaster.
Go to counseling for yourself. It sounds like you haven’t worked through it all by yourself, so get help for yourself. But you can’t stay if you can’t move on.
Some women like being treated badly. You stayed when he was sticking his dick in your good friends…now that he has “straightened” up, and realized he was being an idiot, and is actually treating you decently, you want to leave. Seems to me like you need to reevaluate your life life decisions!! Just sayin.
People will treat you the way you allow them to
I’ve been with my man thirteen years i cheated in the beginning but i changed and we fell back in love he’s my best friend talk to him go on drives remember the good times
If he is a good spouse and father now and isn’t going behind your back, maybe look into marriage/couples counseling? Think about the pros and cons you guys have together. Think about what he doesn’t do anymore/why you feel like you’re not in love with him anymore. Ultimately, it comes down to your happiness. Don’t waste your time or his if this isn’t what you want anymore. Either way, there’s no right or wrong answer. You do what will make you happy and satisfied. Best of luck mama💜
Im sorry they never change. Just put my kids father in jail for child abuse done behind my back because he couldn’t take his frustration out on me.
My kids are very happy now. Also have to go through counseling for all this.
Try to find a good honest man
To. Be in your life don’t grab the
First loser that comes your way
I stopped reading after he cheated with my best friend and I stayed.
Sorry not worth it…your better your worthy you mean something to someone. Your family your kids. Im sorry no man will ever be more important then my kids.
I feel like u just took too much shit. It happens!! Now that he’s willing to give u what u deserve u dnt want it!! It’s normal. Fuck his feelings. He didn’t care about urs. Do what makes u happy. Don’t stay for the kids because u will be miserable.
Everytime he hurt you, it hurt a little less each time. I know, I’ve been there. Stay where you’re at. You’ll never have peace with him. Your time with him is over. Let it be!
Nope. You gave enough chances and he doesn’t deserve one More.
Go to counselling for your self. Also try and rekindle your relationship; go on dates, walk along a beach, go for a long drive, go on a holiday with the kids. Find what made you fall in love with him.
You’re 2 kids too far in. WTF is wrong with you?
After the first time THE END.
You stayed too long, got too angry and resented him. Unless you can fully forgive him, he will never do anything right by you. You are already intolerant. Chances of kicking him out for a minor reason are very high. Time will tell. Keep listening to yourself…eveything will become clear in time
I agree with Jamie Smalls. Go to counseling for yourself by yourself so you find out where u are at. Then take it from there. If he has truly changed dont necessarily throw it away. The grass isnt greener on the other side of the fence, if he has changed.
Ignore the negative comments, ppl can be judgemental assholes. No one is perfect, I too have tolerated shit I shouldn’t have due to low self worth. It took years to recognize that being happy comes from within and that life is short, time is your most precious commodity. I agree about counseling for you and see where you’re at with it in a couple months. It’s possible the relationship may never recover, but its worth effort to try and save it. He will need to go to counseling as well and begin treating you better. Some ppl do change, I know that bc I did.
You should have left his ass 8 years ago!
you now realize you should have left a long time ago…id left after the first time…
About damn time you loose feelings.
You. Can always renew love, but it takes time and effort. Plus young love and older mature love are different. Work at it, get counseling together if you need it. You have kids to consider too.Do
I recommend counselling , for you . Sounds like he probably did grow up . If you still feel the same after counselling , then decide . Love after you have been in it quite a while is different than new love . It grows from respect rather than sexual attraction good luck . It would be a shame to split up the family .
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Only cheaters will tell you otherwise
I was in your shoes a couple of times, and had numbed my feelings toward my husband. I felt like I didn’t love him like I did before and thought about leaving. I sat down and listed his pros and cons.The pro list was way longer than the cons. I started letting him back into my heart,and it’s like he sensed where I was emotionally with him.He started putting extra time in our relationship,I fell right back in love! I also had looked at the relationships in my family and our friends.It was an Eye-opener for sure! We actually enjoyed each others company and had fun! I didn’t see that in everyone else’s relationship! He also was a top notch father and provider.We were together 43yrs and married 40 til he passed and I miss him everyday,though he’s been gone almost 6yrs.
Perhaps you should be more concerned with how this will affect the kids you chose to have with a cheating boyfriend.
Some others mentioned you might thrive on the drama surrounding a complicated life.
If he is treating you and the children good, supporting you and you believe he is no longer cheating, perhaps a little counseling for yourself and as a couple.
It’s never to late to leave. Kids will survive. Do what your heart tells you to do. And remember to find someone better than that
If you want to stay together, couples therapy is a good idea so you can talk through the past and move forward.
This happened to me recently. My boyfriend cheated a lot. I think I really tried not to get attached to someone after it didn’t work out with my children’s father. Although we’ve now been together 4 years…I’ve recently been telling him I don’t feel the same. I hate questioning what he’s doing, and the things I know just aren’t normal. I find myself just wanting my life back. I can’t help but be annoyed by everything he does now. And I have no interest in intimacy like at all. So you’re not alone anyway.
That was crazy.
I feel like I literally wrote this…
I just recently went through this with my husband. We’ve been together for 10 years. Got together when I fresh out of high school and just turned 18. Same thing, he was young and dumb, didn’t realize it blah blah. I stayed against everyone else’s judgement. We’re now married with 2 beautiful kids. But I did have a year where I went through the same thing, I felt like it was too late (even though I had been previously happy with him for years) it was strange, it just all of a sudden hit me. Like the anger I SHOULD have felt back then was finally making its way out.
I had a decision to make, and so do you.
I looked at my husband and saw a changed person, he wasn’t the same person he was 10 years ago. He works his ass off, is a great dad, spoils me. And would NEVER make the same mistakes again. I’m his whole entire world. To this day he’s still scared I’m going to “get back at him”. But I could never punish him for something I put myself through. I didn’t have to stick around during bad times. I chose to. And with that came two people who changed for the better.
I just kind of went on this emotional journey that turned out to be just me needing to grow, it wasn’t even necessarily him that I was angry at, I think I was more mad at myself for accepting something I would never put up with now. I had to sort through all those feelings and TRULY let go of his past mistakes, and I mean really let go, not just say you moved on from the hurt you know?
I could go on and on lol
Feel free to message me!
Stay and give him another chance? Did he cheat recently, to bring up this hurt? I would have bounced after the first time
I’m sorry for your pain. I just personally believe when you build a relationship, like a house, it must have a solid foundation from the very start. If you build on sand and not stone, you will find it will collapse and all come tumbling down. It can weather a few storms that come along the way, but you can never quite trust it will be there to provide shelter and protection for your family in the years to come. In other words, I would be learning to build my own home first (relationship) and let true love build it from the start. Let your man go, grab your kids and build your own home.
Another chance? Lol sounds like he’s had more than a “second chance”
I went through almost the same thing, but honestly it made our relationship stronger. We’re both no longer insecure, jealous, we’re able to go out with friends when we want to/ feel like it. We also have 3 kids together (18.9.2)
The thing is I have feelings for my now husband. Maybe you guys need a break? That’s what we did when our kids were younger and I realized that I had more appreciation for him when he wasn’t around and he thought the same. Again, this is your life and I’m only giving some little been there done that advice.
Not sure if I am reading this right… so just for 2 years he has been a faithful guy? If so- I’d leave. You don’t owe him anything.
Go thru counseling, try going on dates, see if you can get that feeling back
See a therapist and start over with him if you want it to work. Go on dates again. Think of what made you fall for him originally and try that again.
I think you would benefit from therapy and couples counseling.
People don’t really change. Stop fooling yourself and get out of the relationship. There’s a reason you are feeling the way you are. Listen to your gut.
You choose to stay and have children. He’s changed and you are gonna leave? Uproot your kids because your feelings changed? That’s life, feelings change. You grow, he grows and you fall in love with his for all new reasons. For growing up, for being a man, for giving you children, building a family. Your kids come first. remember the reasons you fell in love with him. The reasons you stayed.
I don’t know if this is a generational thing or what but the fact that ppl think things are just perfect all the time and when they aren’t you just leave is like mind blowing for me. And I see so many ppl talk about once a cheater always a cheater but I don’t believe that crap. If a person truly wants to change, it’s 100% possible, it’s just about not being naive and letting the ppl that don’t really want to change lie to you and deceive you into believing they do! We have been together since we were kids and we’ve both done shit and we weren’t healthy for a long time:woman_shrugging: But we woke up, got help, drug of course but also mental health help which is really the most important, we did all kinds of groups and therapies, not only for drugs but to learn to be emotionally and mentally healthy, he took domestic violence courses, we both did thinking for a change, there’s all kinds of different ways really but no one’s gonna tell me it’s not possible because we’ve lived it! We have 16 years together this year but we started truly working on ourselves and our relationship and family about 8 years ago. Here we are, 5 years sober, living a beautiful, HEALTHY life with our 2 girls, 1 who has never even seen or known any of that crazy, unhealthy bullshit we grew up in! But it took a whole lot of HARD WORK to get here:100: If you and your boyfriend want to make this work and you actually put in the work, it’s definitely possible! We are more in love and committed than any body we know! But 1 thing I can guarantee you is that if you walk away you’ll never know for sure:woman_shrugging:
I think you need therepy not meaning this rudely i just know how it is to not feel worthy it sounds like you only know how to feel unwanted and I think he’s actually in love now and already fixed but you need another guy to fix and your bored now i would do invidual to therepy and couples therapy good luck
You could always cheat on him… see if there’s anything better out there. I mean, what’s he gonna do, leave you for it? lol
Maybe you’re depressed? Depression can and will cloud your feelings for someone. I went through the same thing. I thought I was falling out of love with my husband. I got through my depression and realized how much I really do love him. We have a beautiful 1 year old little girl and just moved into our own home together. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. It’s a very likely cause. Yes, the cheating is in the back of your mind whether you notice or not. I know from experience. But maybe talk to a therapist
First things first, and it should always be remembered, cheating can NEVER be justified. Explained, sure, but nothing anyone says can ever excuse the behavior (and this is coming from a man who’s had disloyal moments in his past). That being said, I’m glad you’re trying to see the full picture in this, cause that’s more than most women would do, if you can’t tell by the constant “just leave him” comments you see on this post. Most people refuse to fix or build up what is broken. His actions are his to own up to. He should never dismiss it as anything less than the selfish period in your relationship. If you’ve forgiven him for it and you believe he has pushed past it, then you’ve built a stronger foundation than most of today’s relationships have.
As I stated before, I have been unfaithful in the past, for the reasons you’re explaining that you feel now. I had lost myself in stress in anger and confusion. I felt no joy in my relationship with my now wife, and I let a female friend get too close to me. I wanted to love my wife (then girlfriend) and I wanted to care but I just didn’t. I wasn’t the same man I was when we first started dating. But after the slip up, a wave of agony and regret hit me, and I told her. It wasn’t the primary reason we broke up, but it was definitely the catalyst. We were separated for a few months, I rediscovered myself, and we started up anew. We’re now married with a beautiful baby girl. I still feel the temptations, as they were always there and the world is full of pretty women, but I am stronger now and actively prevent situations that may prove dangerous. I do believe a person can change. But that doesn’t erase our scars.
I tell you this because your emotional change isn’t permanent, or at least it doesn’t have to be. I had to learn to re-love my wife. She had to learn to love me again. Love can be learned, and you’ve got a good house to do so, if that’s what you want. Look at your husband and realize that he isn’t the man you met 10 years ago. He’s a new man, and chances are you don’t know him as well as you think you do. If you want to love him again and try to find that affection that you don’t feel presently, actively pursue him, even if you have to force it initially.
Maintain those small physical touches that are overlooked. Lean on him when you’re on the couch. Take an extra 10 seconds in your hugs. Eye him up when he’s looking good. And keep up those good communication you mentioned. Let him know what you’re struggling with. While you get to know him, let him get to know you better. Nothing’s more intimate than having a talk with someone that makes you feel like they’re directly on your head. My wife make it feasible for me to fall back in love with her when we were dating. She actively showed me who she was and reminded me of who I wanted to be.
You can do this. The question is, do you want to do it?
I ain’t reading all that. Once a cheater always a cheater and I wouldn’t stay with him.
See a relationship counsellor
It is my experience that a person can’t take more than 10 years of that shit. It is about time your feelings are finally changing. Just go with it and leave if you want to. If someone treats you that way the feelings do just fizzle out.
Run, don;t walk as fast as you can out of there!
No. He cheated so hard while you wete vulnerable, youre falling out of love. The relationship has ran it’s course. I dont wanna sound rude! i just kind of understand this feeling (everyone handles it diff so im sure i dont completely understand) as people grow and change, its easy to see the truth but also ignore it. Youre worth more. I promise
I think u realized that u feel different towards him when u went through something extremely difficult and emotional
And it might have been he wasnt there for u
Which cause u to realize how and is keeping u attached to him…if u managed to do self care and help through the crisis without him:thinking:
Which made u think that u cant even trust him to be there for u emotionally…love has died and u dont trust him much anymore
U can stay for the kids
Honestly tho that feeling is going to peck at u and u wont live in peace
Need to chose to trust him
And need to be able to lean on him for dupport…he needs to provide that comfort and company…if he doesnt then its roommate status co parenting situation a d not a real relationship anyway…hes going to feel the distance and cheat again or u cheat becuz ever needs emotional support
You do you he dune did him you be happy
There’s this thing called the 30 day love challenge, my situation was is/was similar to yours. Believe when someone suggested it to me I thought it was STUPID and it took me about 4 months before I went through with it…fast forward 5 years and March will be our 16th anniversary and we are so in love and everyone envies our relationship. Google it, its worth a try.
Everytime U forgive U love alittle less… so if U have very little feelings left… it because u forgave to much… time to move on Hun! It will be ok… just painful for a small time. Then it will be all good and nothing but good so keep on keeping on!! U got this GIRL!! I’m here for ya!! Way over here!!
You shouldn’t have stayed to begin with. Know your worth and find someone who I’ll cherish you as a person and value your time.
Just drop him and put yourself in counseling to build up what he as chiseled down over the years.
Definitely give counseling a try for your children’s sake. Maybe if you communicate your feelings in a safe way to each other you will be able to heal.
If he has seriously changed I wouldn’t suggest just leaving and breaking up your family. To many people just give up now a days and it’s sad. He shouldn’t have ever treated you that way but if it’s in the past, leave it their. Try a mini vaca with just him, counseling. Try your best before you leave and regret it.
Are you happy as a person? Individually happy? I found myself in a horrible toxic marriage and some of our issues stemmed from my personal deep rooted unhappiness. I ended up leaving (due to some serious issues after 2 years of counseling) and finding myself and my own happiness. Now I am in the happiest and healthiest relationship I have ever been. I truly believe finding my own happiness, security, and self worth contributed to that.
Just remember since the two of you brought these two children into this that you owe it to them to provide the best childhood for them that you can. If you leave their father it will change who they become. It will determine how they trust, the sense of self they will have, how they view a “normal” relationship and even how successful they will be. Their childhood molds them and it’s your job to guard and protect that with all you have. Been there. Done that.
Counseling-I’m sort of feeling like without the drama you aren’t as interested? Individual counseling for you to find out why you want someone you have to fight to keep interested
Why are you settling? You and your bf are an example to your kids what a marriage should be. Do you want your daughter and son to be in a relationship like yours? You deserve a man worthy of you! If you aren’t in love with him, you should leave. You’ll always be parents to your kids, but you have to do what’s best for you. I’d seek some counseling to sort things out.
I’d suggest couples counseling- otherwise life is short- if you aren’t happy walk away other wise someone is bound to be unfaithful and things won’t be amicable
You need to put your happiness before his. The kids will handle what ever you decision you make. Be happy with your life
Relationships go through phases, and it takes a lot of working together, if you are still good friends it may be worth it to weather this storm, and move forward good luck to you
You only live once…if you aren’t happy and dont think that will change then leave…You can still be awesome co parents if everyone puts in the effort.
Couples counseling and individual as well as least for yourself. People nowadays are so quick to just give up without trying to fix the problems that they have. If you don’t fix yourself the problems will follow you into your next relationship. Prayers for you and your marriage.
Work on you! Another man isnt going to fix what you are experiencing. Marriage takes lots of work and forgiveness. This year he may be madly in love with you and you not so much with him and that could totally flip next year. Theres beauty in it all
It’s hard when you’ve lost respect for someone.
I feel like you need to work on your own personal happiness and development. Once you’ve done that, you’ll be able to answer your own question without asking a panel of people you truly don’t know. once you truly worked on yourself and developed the exact kind of self-love that you need, you’ll make the decision that’s in the best interest of you and your family. You mentioned he cheated several times, I’ll withhold my personal opinion because it doesn’t help you or anybody else in this situation. But if you are using what he’s done years ago to justify you falling out of love with him now, something seems off there… rather, it’s not that reason at all, could it be that perhaps you have changed just like he has and the new you doesn’t love a man like him anymore?
You can fall back in love. Just start dating. Minus the cheating, start all over. Do things that you use to do. Send love texts/notes. Make love. Have romantic dinners. Tell him how you’re feeling. A lot of relationships go thru this at some point bc once they’ve been together after years we settle. It gets boring. Spice it up. If you haven’t had any change of feelings after 6 mths walk away.
The decision you make will affect your children’s future. Think about their happiness.
Do what you have to do… whatever is best for you.
Don’t give up. People, especially women, go through stuff like this. It’s hard but if you want to, you can get through it just fine. You say you communicate well now…have you communicated these feelings to him? Maybe you should and then also explain that you are confused about your feelings and would like to work on things. I would suggest marriage counseling and also individual counseling for yourself. Separation will definitely cause a huge disturbance in the lives of your children no matter how well you co-parent. So, don’t jump the gun. Give it lots of thought, and be patient with yourself and your spouse.
Time for some professionally help.
Love is a choice, not just a feeling.
I went through the same exact thing. I just left my boyfriend and kids dad after 10 years of being together. By the time he really loved me, I had fallen out of love with him. It took me 10 years to leave and get to the point of feeling nothing for him anymore. The only thing I truly regret now is that I didn’t do it sooner. It’s not healthy to set that kind of relationship as an example for your kids and the longer you wait, the older they get and the more it will effect them. You know what’s right in your heart, it’s an extremely hard thing to do but I promise it will be the best thing you can do for yourself and your children. You can’t be the best mom you can be when you are not whole and happy yourself
So you have been with this guy for 10 years, have 2 children but never married him? Something is holding you back. Get some counseling and start working through the issues. You will discover the answers as to whether he is worth your time.
If you have to ask us my response is your relationship is over in your mind
This happens sometimes, and in two months you may no longer feel this way. It’s therefore your choice: Wait and see if your feelings return, or let go.
It depends . the mind is a powerful thing . it seems that you have love for this man or you would not have stayed and had 2 children with him . think carefully about how your choices will affect your children . read the 5 languages of love . perhaps your love tank is running low . if you give love it will come back to you . too many people live in a throw away mindset . if he treats you like a queen rule the castle . build each other up . a few rhetorical questions …does he show you he loves you ? Does he provide for you and the kids ?does he put your needs above his own ? Are you willing to do the same ? Good luck in whatever you choose to do .
How are you going to move forward those long and then after he’s done nothing wrong be like this. You sound childish, selfish, petty and ridiculous!
Therapy for you and as a couple. You have children so don’t do something and regret it in 6 months. You owe it to your family to make sure to make a sound decision
Some times people fight over a certain someone and it confuses that certain someone. Then they work out their feelings and choose. Then you have to think did they fight over him or her because they loved them or were they just trying to win a game. Now that they have won the prize, they are bored and it really wasn’t about love at all!
Life is too short to “just exist” with a person… You are not legally married. Maybe it is time to push the reset button on life and see what happens . He may turn over a new leaf and recapture your heart, or maybe your real true love is still out there…
take a bit to think…does he realize your worth?
IDK about this one. Could be she fell out of love or maybe she can’t play the victim of a cheater anymore.