So I’m almost 24 weeks pregnant with my second child. When my boyfriend and I got together, I told him I wanted a big family, and he was okay with it. He had 2 of his own, we got into a bad argument the other day, and now he’s saying he wants to get snipped and is telling me to either pick either him or having another baby but not with him because he doesn’t want anymore, so basically he’s telling me to pick him over having more kids because if I want them, he’s not gonna give them to me, I’m 23 years old, and I really think it’s unfair I have my whole life ahead of me, and I don’t think it’s fair to me to have to be forced into that type of a decision, he’s 28 btw, I love him a lot, but I shouldn’t have to throw away what I want to be with him considering he knew what I wanted before we even got together.
I would b like bye boy
So only what you want matters? Girl bye
He could change his mind and you could change boyfriends someday you never know what life has in store for you. I was on birth control for the last 15 yrs and I got pregnant on it last year at 43 yrs old. I’m 44 with an 8 month old and his dad took off to texas when I was 6 ms pregnant. My baby was a blessing though either way.
It sounds to me like this argument was good, because he told you how he really feels about having more kids. I wouldn’t push him. I think he’s right to give you that ultimatum if he doesn’t want more kids. It may sound mean, but it is actually the right thing. Thinking of having kids and then actually having them are 2 entirely different things. If he was being honest then he did y’all a favor. Decide which you want.
I’d drop the whole topic and let the anger die down. Y’all had an argument so typically not the best the time base decisions
If he’s giving you an ultimatum like this, he’s going to continue to do it throughout the relationship, which is manipulation. I’m not going to be the person to tell you to run like a lot of these people will, but I will tell you to consider if he is the right one for you and if you are willing to compromise on something that means a lot to you.
Never choose the person who gives you the ultimatum.
If he has 2 of his own and you have 2, that’s 4 kids and I’d consider that a big family. Depending on the ages of children, he might just be saying that now. He might change his mind in the future, or you might even change your mind after baby is here.
Don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions 
I don’t know if he was just mad and that’s why he said it. But if he really doesn’t want more kids you need to listen to him. If the roles were reversed and you really didn’t want more kids and he left you because of it how would you feel. But if that’s how he truly feels and you can’t accept that then find someone else.
My first husband and I wanted a family, until we had a miscarriage and then he said he didn’t want any at all. I left, and now am on my 4th and last baby. I literally will never regret that decision. My kids are the best things ever
Everything you are saying you don’t think is fair, well he is probably thinking the same thing. 4 kids total is A LOT. I don’t think I blame him for wanting to be done. Especially in today’s world. I understand you only having 2 biologically of your own with him but again that still totals 4 and he probably wants to have some type of life at some point instead of only having children. I cant blame him for that. People make commitments about things all the time and end up feeling different later. It’s just life. If you are gonna be done with him over wanting more children well thats on you. If you genuinely had true love for the man and he has already given you TWO I would consider that pretty fair and respect his decision to be done. If that’s too hard on you then get going girl. Do what you gotta. Good luck either way.
My fiance and I have been together for 6 years. We knew we wanted a baby but after I had our son he said he was done. But we didn’t really try too hard to prevent another one. I got pregnant with our little girl last year and he was totally OK with it. We have both agreed that we don’t want anymore because I’m 36 and he’s 42. But for 4 years I kept saying I wanted another one and he said no …thankfully things worked out the way they were supposed to. If you love him and want to have a family with him talk to him. If not having more biological kids would be be open to adoption?
His body his choice, your desire, your choice. Leave.
Why are you so dead set on talking about ANOTHER baby after an argument while you’re still pregnant… check those hormones cuz you’re not the only one who matters
Let that man cool off
uhmmm he had 2 with someone and 2 with you… alot of mouths already… you a millionaire? just saying cause might be that he actually thinks ahead. schooling… clothing… alone! you have a big family… your stepkids and your 2 have together. you are 23! wait till they are older. your tune will lower.
Whatever you do, do not get sterilized. If he wants no more kids, than let him be the one to take the steps to prevent it. I got my tubes tied, because my ex husband didn’t want anymore kids. He had 1 from his first marriage, and I had one. We had one together and my tubes were tied the day after she was born. She was not even 2 months old, when I learned he had been having an affair throughout my pregnancy. Long story short, I remarried 7 years later to a man with no kids. It cost me $6000 to repair my ovaries. And, thousands more on unsuccessful infertility treatments. That one decision to make my ex happy, cost me thousands of dollars and a lot more tears.
Yea, I think you should wait to see how much money and effort 2 children take plus 2 step children, I’m assuming you have a relationship with them! Slow down
Kids mean more eto me I find another man plentybof them
He is giving you an ultimatum but you’re pregnant now too. So what happens? He wants this child?
I am starting to wonder how much of these dilemmas are fiction. There was a similar post a few days ago and it basically was a hot topic. Maybe the creators of content here are resurrecting that debate for more engagement. Also why is everyone with a dilemma here pregnant! I could be wrong. Just my thoughts
So you can pop out these kids but, where’s the concern to get married? Your since of concern seems to be misguided. The guy has 4 kids, y’all aren’t married and your his second baby momma. Obviously you have not thought this through. Either way, if he wants to go get snipped, I don’t blame him. Children are expensive.
Well I’m sorry if that is his decision then you have to respect his decision. He is an adult and he really doesn’t need your permission to go get snipped either. Like you said you are 23 years old, your are still young enough to go out and find you a man that will want to have a big family also. You shouldn’t make him stay and try to guilt him into having more kids because in the long run it could end up causing you and your kids a lot hurt. You deserve to be happy and have that big family but go find someone that wants it just as much as you do.
My ex husband was the same. Got snipped against my wishes. I wish I’d had the strength to leave him then, it took me another 14 yrs.
Never give up your dreams for another person. If they are forcing you to, then they aren’t your person, no matter how much you love them.
You’re so very young. I’m sorry you’re in this mess. You cannot change him and it’ll just get worse over time. If you concede to something this big, he gains power over you. Never let anyone do that.
Sounds crazy to me why would you even want to make more children with someone who dont want more kids should be made in love not just for the sake of having them
People change their minds. We are all human. The way he said it is hurtful but it’s his body his choice. If he wants a vasectomy nothing is wrong with that.
I know you want more children & maybe he did too in the beginning, but sadly these decisions can all change with time. You can feel hurt, it’s understandable completely. I just feel that he is not obligated to have more children with you if he changed his mind, just like women are not obligated to have sex just because they are married/ or riled someone up.
Plenty of men want more kids, when women do not & want their tubes tied…
He shouldn’t be manipulated into having children he dosnt want
Your currently pregnant possibly just the hormones talking , just wait till you unborn child is a few years old then you and your partner talk about it things could be different in a few years time
You can’t make his mind up for him, just like he can’t make your mind up for you. We were 3 and done but unexpectedly were surprised with #4 and it was a blessing, even though we needed to upgrade the house and car 
life has many twists and turns and I dont believe making lasting decisions when angry with each other is a good option.
You have to decide if that is a deal breaker. Then you’ll have your answers it really is as simple as that.
Do you really want someone who has voiced he is done having kids to feel forced to have more? Think about those kids. They’re going to have a father that resents them. Don’t do that to them.
I don’t think it’s fair to force him to do something he doesn’t want either. I hear your frustrstions for sure, but he already has children from a previous relationship and then the two you have together. To him maybe that is a lot and he’s happy with them. Relationships are about compromise, he’s expressing his desire to not want any more and that’s ok. You should love him enough to want to stay with him regardless of how many more children you have
I would say something like “Let’s make it through this one and then come back to this topic in a year”
You have 4 kids already, if you dont include his kids as your own then maybe you should seperate. Totally up to you, but they may not be your biological children but they are part of your family and your kids siblings. 6 is a big family, just wait till their all in activites, school, playdates - your hands will be full
Honestly i relate to him on this. My hubby and I wanted 3 so bad but after we had two i couldnt do it again acter 2 hemorrhages and ppd both times. He understood and still hopes in the future we can have another but respects that its my body my decision
Idk. Four kids is already a pretty big family compared to most. 28 is also pretty young to be responsible for that many. I’m 33 and my husband is 36 and we only have 2, we’re still pulling out our hair sometimes. I think it’s okay to change your mind after faced with the reality of caring for children.
The most important thing is to be able to provide for and raise your children well. If the number is a dealbreaker for you, that’s something you need to decide. You can’t force him to want more kids and you shouldn’t bring new children into a life where they are unwanted by one of their parents. But also consider how it might impact your kids to leave him.
At least he’s being adult about
Go on with that
I’d ask to revisit the conversation in 3 years.
You shouldn’t be given ultimatums. But at the same time, Relationships are about compromise. He has made two Babies wit you… There maybe something deeper underlying the issue to why he doesn’t want anymore kids? Men don’t talk a lot of the time… He could be holding the weight of responsibility? Finances? A larger family makes everything more… If you love him maybe try see where he is coming from? But at the same time stay true to you. But like all relationships it’s compromise.
I hate this for you. But he’s telling you what he wants. I’d believe him. It sounds like he has made his decision. It could change but I would not base my future happiness on being able to get another person to change their mind. No one should have children they don’t want to make another person happy. Thats a recipe for pain. At this point, you’ve chosen him to father 2 children and its not their fault you two can’t agree but you both have a responsibility to them. And a broken family isn’t what the kids you all already have signed up for. So be a mom to the ones you have and provide them the best family you can. They are what matters. Thats being a mom. Its not the quantity. Its the quality. I hope this works out for all of you.
Sounds like you just wanna pump them out 
your 23 isn’t 2 enough 
28 and 4 kids. I TOTALLY get being Done. From the Financial aspect of someone whom has raised 3 to adulthood, Kids are EXPENSIVE ! Think down the road, aside from Basic essentials of Home, utilities, Food, medical,dental, Diapers, car seats, strollers, formula, Then there’s going to be extra curricular activities, Driver’s Ed, first cars, insurance, Prom, graduation, college, wedding, At some point in time he has to THINK about saving for retirement too, If he is TRULY done having kids RESPECT His CHOICE especially if He is the sole provider. I’m not trying to be Mean , but how FAIR is it to HIM to be put in the position to have MORE kids that HE will be responsible for supporting bc its what you want. Also THINK about all the things and experiences you want for the 4 you already have, How much are you going to be able to AFFORD to do for them if you keep having babies?
Tell him his threats are going to backfire on him
I haven’t heard anything about marriage!
Whenever I am given and ultimatum I walk away. It’s your life do what you need to do to be happy
Sounds like you have your answer then…
He’s a father of 4, that’s a lot. If you can’t live with this walk away. Please don’t get pregnant by deception down the road, he will be resentful. Try adjusting to this new baby first too.
You sound very immature. Your husband has two kids which I hope you also consider them your kids. You already have one from him and another one on the way. How do you suppose your husband is going to come up with money to feed and cloth them and Doctor bills and so on ?
My ex was the oppisite. Knew i didnt want more. Figured he could talk me out of it. I left him when he snapped because i got my tubes tied. He is engaged to someone else on and has a baby with her. I married someone else who respects my wishes and treats me and my girls like goddesses. I say cut your losses. Someone out there wants what you want. Never rush a situation, gods showing you why it wont work.
4 kids is a big family today, think clothes, food, education, sports and extracurricular activities and unless you’re rich you will be plenty busy providing for and raising 4.
Ugh same situation, we ended up breaking up right before our son was born… he had two from his marriage and we got pregnant with his third , my first… he don’t want anymore, it’s not worth it for me to settle.
My partner said the same after our youngest daughter who is now 8. But I’m sat here now feeding my 10 week old baby. maybe just kindly ask him to not be so haste with the vesectomy. People’s circumstances and thoughts change especially with age. X
I think you’re totally entitled to being upset.
You said you told him from the beginning that you wanted a big family, and he was ok with that.
Now he’s changed his mind, and you have every right to be upset.
He has two other children, but they aren’t yours; no matter how much love them, they aren’t yours.
And you are entitled to have as many children as you want.
However, he’s telling you he is done.
If you are not, then you have a decision to make.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
You can’t force him to have more kids if he doesn’t want anymore. I understand you think its not fair to you but its also not fair to him to bash him for not wanting more kids. 4 kids may be big to him because yes its only your 2nd biologically but its his 4th biologically and kids do require a lot of time, patience and money.
My personal opinion, as a mother of four, two of which are graduating seniors this year, four kids is plenty. However, none of us know you personal situation. If you have the means to take care of a bunch of kids, then act like adults, sit down and have an adult discussion about it. If he flat out won’t listen and compromise then you need to walk away because you have bigger issues. If he had 2 kids when you got with him and you told him you wanted a big family and he agreed, then had 2 more kids with you, maybe to him 4 kids is a big family.
I’m 22 and my husband is 25. We have 3 kids between us and we’re content with ours. Children are very expensive and tasking, especially young children. I can completely understand why he wouldn’t want anymore. Sounds like he wants to be able to live some of his life without taking care of a toddler or newborn every year till he’s 50.
I mean I really hate that for you but in all seriousness, it’s not fair for you to get what you want and he doesn’t. He’s making it known that he doesn’t want more and you should respect that. Granted he should also respect your decision as well. Relationships are all about compromise, 50/50 not 70/30, can you sit and talk it out? You also need to remember that while your have the rest of your life ahead of you, he’s older than you (not by much) and might be ready to start slowing down
Maybe you should just wait until that one in your tummy is born then you both talk again if you would both want to consider having more. Take note, you will already have 4. His kids are your kids now, like it or not. You are selfish if you say you wanted more because you only have 2.
He has 4 kids. You have to be respectful of that… and maybe become a bigger part of their lives?.
He may have faced a reality of now having to provide for 4 children. I’d try to understand that too. If it’s really a big deal to you then you need to do what he said lol. But 4 kids is a lot in a way of financial situation.
I don’t understand people’s need to have so many children. Save the attention, time and money for the ones you have right in front of you. Enjoy the idea of the kids leaving while you are still young. It is a choice you have to make together and if you can’t be happy with the two you got then you can’t be happy with your life and need to find someone who can give you whatever you want
Thats 4 kids. He is being responsible.
Well considering he has 4 kids, I don’t blame him. That is a lot of mouths to feed, give attention to, put through extra curricular activities, clothe, help pay for college and university. You have to look at the bigger picture Hun. He has a right to say no more just like you have a right to want more.
Yeah that’s definitely a mentality of someone who doesn’t know bout life yet… js. Unless you have ways of taking care these kids you need to change your whole thought pattern.
He is about to have his fourth kid. To him that’s probably what he meant by a big family.
Kids are soul suckers. He’s allowed to change is mind and you’re allowed to decide if you don’t want what he wants.
Leave his ass you told him up front
Are you a fucking millionaire or something
Wait till you have The baby and you guys can try to talk about it again. But my personal opinion is your 23 years old and you have your whole life ahead of you, there’s a chance you could meet someone else who wants a large family just like you. So you have to ask yourself is it worth it to stay?
He’s got 2 and you have 2 that’s 4 for him. He’s taking care of 2 families.
Between the two of you…
You’ll have…four? Kids.
That is a big family in today’s day and age.
You need to understand…
Many things sound better in dream form than reality.
So yeah.
Maybe he was on board with having 5+ kids…but living with 3 and one on the way probably put things into a more…realistic perspective for him.
Just because you’re 23 doesn’t mean much as an argument for having more kids. You being “younger” doesn’t automatically mean you should have a 3rd 4th 5th kid…just because you can.
Kids cost money…they take time, energy, and patience.
It’s true of any child but even more so if something unexpected happens.
That’s reality.
One that he probably is thinking about…and it doesn’t really sound like you are.
He’s allowed to change his mind and not want more kids.
And he has. It sounds as though he’s thought about it enough to be set in his decison.
He’s the one getting fixed. Not you.
If you want more kids…you can have tjem…just not with him.
He has 4 kids and he’s done.
Respect his decision or move on.
U have 4 kids, in today’s day and age cost of living that is a big family in my opinion give your family time to blend, maybe become more involved in his children’s lives or maybe give him the to cool down
You need to decide how much this relationship means to you and where your priorities lie. You shouldn’t have to settle for something you don’t want, but you can’t expect him to give in and give you something he doesn’t.
It’s not fair that he isn’t letting you have control over him? You can’t make someone want kids. He’s right if you want more go have more with someone else. But maybe hold off until after the baby is born and your pregnancy hormones settle down
I can’t believe so many people are still judging others for the number of children they have. It’s not for you to Dictate to others how many they want. This situation is really unfortunate, he’s at a road where he is done and you still want more after this one is born. Giving you an ultimatum is unacceptable, what else will he give you ultimatums for? You now need to decide if this relationship will be suitable for both of you and if you can see past this issue. If you become completely miserable in it, do not stay just for the kids. It never works out well.
Between my husband and I, we have 6.
And if could have more, I would!
I always wanted a big family, and i have one.
I had my last baby at 30, and I’m about to be 39.
There is nothing wrong with wanting, and having a big family.
He’s allowed to decide what he wants just like you are. If having more kids is more important to you than being with him then that’s your decision. If not having more kids is more important to him than being with you, that’s his decision. It’s not unfair.
There’s nothing unfair about him making a decision that affects his life.
My suggestion can you afford to support them I would have liked to have more than 1,but I financially could not afford it .If you both have good jobs and insurance then find you someone who will be able to help you out best of wishes
You’ll just have to compromise or move on. You say it wouldn’t be fair for you to be forced into that decision, but you making him have more children would be forcing him into a decision. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a big family, but he is about to have his fourth child. That’s a big family to many people.
Girl… move on. That is all.
If he’s going to tell you “choose me or our baby”, CHOOSE THE BABY. He’s obviously not ready for this and it’s better that you know now. Cut him loose and have that sweet baby and love him/her so very much!! As for your SO, I’d say he’ll be just fine. Don’t waste a second of your time worrying about him.
It’s his right . I think hes smart .
If you want more children and he doesn’t, then move on. You are to young to be allowing someone to tell you what you can or can’t do with the rest of your life. Find someone who considers you equal, this should be discussed not told!
It’s his life too. Just as women have the right to regulate their reproduction, so do men.
Wait, so he’s trying to coerce you into an abortion? Is that what I’m reading? Hell no.
Since he already has 2, and now you are preg with your 2nd. Then he will have four which is alot. He has to provide for these kids, but I see where you are coming from you are young. But you can’t make him have more if he doesn’t want more. Maybe he like dang, I already have four, and you want more, than what, he’s going to have 6 or 7 kids in total to take care of.
Damn rights he has the right to choose what he does with his body and future. If the question was posed by a man over his wife, he would get eaten alive! If you would rather loose him to have more kids then the relationship meant less to you than you thought. Good luck.
I always wanted 3… my husband said no more after our second as he already had a son.
I just count his as my third.
Could you do the same?
You have to realise he has 4 kids already…
You need to respect his decision.
And yes he knew what you wanted but people are allowed to change their minds.
You either need to talk to him about maybe putting the thought of snipping away and wait a few years and see what he says then.
Or you two need to break up. Both sides are valid, but if you DEFINITELY want more kids and he’s against even waiting a few more years to think about it, your relationship has run its course.
If you don’t see you have 4 children and only one and one on the way then yes, please leave. Between you two it is 4 kids, that’s a lot of kids already. The fact that you are pregnant leads me to believe that you are also hormonal. Put this to rest until after you have your baby. Have a discussion with him about what’s really going on. Is he the only one financially supporting you and all four kids? Is he okay with the roles you two have chosen in your household? Having kids is expensive and he might be feeling the financial burden. In my opinion it’s either there is a deeper rooted issue going on here other than he doesn’t want any more kids or are you willing to raise your kids in a broken home solely because you want more children? If he is a good dad and a good husband, I can tell you now you are making a mistake. But it is your life and at 23, you sound like you have a lot of maturing to do. You need to understand that you are all going through a transitional stage. The dynamics of your home are about to change once again. Let him grasp the concept of bringing a new addition to your family before you go through another big transition. think about your children. You guys are still young. Maybe when your little ones are older he’d like another. Those are comprises that need to be made. I can only imagine him seeing you pregnant arguing about being futurely pregnant.
During a pregnancy or the first couple of months home with a newborn are horrible times to make a decision like that. Often pregnancy or having a newborn can bring stress in the moment and often make people think they would never do it again. See if he will just hold off getting fixed until your child is a little older. Keep in mind this is your first together, maybe he doesn’t realize how great it will be yet. Depending his children’s mother and that situation, maybe he will see that it’s enjoyable with you and decide to change his mind. Praying you both can agree to something. Marriage and a stable and promising relationship built on God could also maybe reassure him wanting to have more. Take baby steps and maybe try to not make that decision yet and just focus on the precious baby on the way. good luck, try not to stress about the next one yet and focus on this one. In the end follow your heart.
Hes allowed to change his mind on kids. They are expensive and maybe he has decided that what he has is what he can take care of. If he wants to get fixed he can though. I wouldn’t leave him just because I wanted more kids though.
Relationship is compromise together as a couple,there should not be a ultimatum .
There sometimes agree to disagree in some situations.
The man has 2 children from his own with previous relationship and now he now has 1 with you and your having another baby soon.
I can understand you want more children with your boyfriend however I can see his pockets empty with paying child support for the other 2 children from previous relationship.
Now your boyfriend has 3 children all together and expecting another child will be 4 to support.
Realistically he is probably banging his head saying how am I to provide for 4 children and my girlfriend.
I understand where your boyfriend is coming from that he is done having children. However it is his choice to have a vasectomy to not produce and have no more children with you.
I must say did he think 2 from his previous relationship included in a big family with you?
I am thinking that is what he thought.
I would have your baby and just wait and settle a bit before making any decisions. See how everything goes with your new baby with other child plus the 2 step children as a whole . Your child that you have right now has your full attention. You are going to take that away and share your time. Your older child will act out and is not fun at all. Sometimes there not so bad some can be terrors. Your child will need lots of support to make sure they do not feel left out or pushed away to other family or daycare etc.
I feel for you , there should not be ultimatum. There is no judging of how many children you want with your boyfriend . Boyfriend sounds like he standing strong for reasons. You might after you have your second child might think it over . You might decide as couple break your ties.
There are so many curve balls in having children and relationship with a boyfriend and your parents and supports.
I truly believe if you meant to be as a couple there is always compromises no right and wrong need to work together.
Couple relationships is one thing with no children. Once children come in the mix now a second relationship bond between having children together. Living together is a partnership.
Don’t confuse your role as a partner and being a parent with him. It becomes messy now. It is all about compromise about everything relationship between you too and then being a parent. As my mom said treat it like a business plan. Don’t leave until your eggs are hatched. I know your feelings are hurt you need to soul search and do what’s best for yourself and your children. Make sure you talk things out with your boyfriend so you both now how you feel. Tell him he hurt you with ultimatum and should explain more about the subject around not having more children. Listen then give him feedback. Also review the situation after having your second baby with him. Then talk it out both your feelings again and be open and honest. Then both of you will know where your heading down your path together.
I wish you all the best in your relationship and a healthy baby on its way
Hugs 
Leave his toxic ass and child support him.
Hun, as bad as the situation is, he already has 4 kids by the sounds of your comment!
That’s a lot more responsibility for him and kids are not cheap to raise no matter where in the world you live and for you it’s only 2 kids to support with him.
Unfortunately we all grow up with different dreams and when you hit a certain age you will realise that sometimes those dreams change or it’s actually not what you want.
Instead of being angry at him, sit down and talk with him and understand why he doesn’t want more kids.
A relationship is based on respect, honest and trust and if you can’t respect his wishes after you speak with him, then leave him and find someone else who will bow down to your every needs and want.
Think about it, it definitely is not like it was 40 years ago. School fees by the time he or she starts will be about R2700 a month. Food 4000 a month clothes 7000 a year shall I Continue??
He can choose to not want to have anymore kids that is his right just like you can choose you want more kids. I hate to say it but I think you do have to decide if your love for him is bigger been wanting another baby because if it’s not then you could move on he can get snipped and you guys co parent. You both need to sit down and have a conversation when everything is calm and you’re not hormonal to decide is it really that he doesn’t want anymore kids and why or is it that he doesn’t want anymore kids for a few years and unfortunately or fortunately if he doesn’t want more kids and wants to get snipped you’re going to have to make the
4 kids IS a big family?
You’re emotions are valid. But so are his. You can’t force more kids on someone who doesn’t want them. That is a terrible idea.