Please post anonymously. I’m just looking for advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years, and we have a son who is 2. (Got pregnant very quickly after our relationship started, I was told by my Dr. I was not able to have any more children). I also have three children from a previous relationship who 15,14 and 12 with my ex-husband which we co-parent. We divorced in 2010. The advice I need is about my boyfriend. He does not want my ex-husband to have any contact whatsoever with our son. I’m talking not even a simple hi if he is with me if I have to pick up my other children from his house. My boyfriend expects me to ask him to watch our son, so he doesn’t go with me to do any pick-ups, mind you, my ex isn’t always home when I pick them up, and he still doesn’t want him to go. There are also times that my ex and I do have to co-exist for my older children, and I will not leave my youngest behind because his father is on a high horse. I will also not tell our son that he cannot communicate with my ex if the occasion arises that we are around each other such as saying hi or just babbling in general. He knows who his dad is, and in my eyes, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. I do not teach any of my children to hate. They make up their own minds on who they like and dislike. My boyfriend and I get into arguments over this, and I’m tired of it. I don’t know what to do. I feel like my ex is always going to be an issue with this. I’m not going to shun my ex for not ignoring my son. My boyfriend expects my ex to just ignore our son if he says hi or waves, and my ex won’t do it; I’ve never told or asked him to; I just know that he wouldn’t. I get the feeling I’m also supposed to tell my son not to wave or say hi to him. What do I do? Any insight? I have a really long life of co-parenting going on here, and this is driving me crazy.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend does not want our son having any contact with my ex: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
He sound very immature.
He signed up for a package deal when he got with you so dealing with the ex is also part of that. Is there a specific reason he doesn’t want your son around the ex or is he just being petty?
Tell you boyfriend to grow up and set a better example for your son on how grown up behave.
Maybe suggest couples therapy with your boyfriend? Seems to be some underlying issues going on there that need to be addressed. If he obviously isn’t listening to you, then maybe a neutral third party might be a good idea.
What you allow will continue. I’d nip that in the bud ASAP
Boyfriend needs to grow up or become the newest ex 
He needs to get over it. He is being childish and immature. How would he like it if your ex told your boyfriend to not talk to the other kids. Smh.
He seriously needs to grow up and act like an adult, sounds like you and your ex have a healthy co parent life going on and he can destroy that quickly acting like a child himself
He would be my ex bf.
He has issues, run as fast as you can…
Sounds like he has some growing up to do. Sorry but your ex is the father of your sons three siblings so it is not right that he doesn’t want your son to not have anything to do with him.
Why doesn’t BF want communication?
Childish af! Honestly I’d say you should put your foot down about this. Like “look, this is the father of our child’s siblings, he exists, get over it”
Sounds childish on his part. Should definitely try to get him to change his mindset or cut the relationship off cause that is not healthy.
He sounds very immature .
You answered your question yourself. Your bf is on a high horse and needs to drop the unnecessary drama. Whether he likes it or not that is the father of his step brothers or sisters therefore he will always be in his life. I would just be blunt to your bf, if he can’t accept that or live with it he doesn’t have to!
Your boyfriend needs to GROW UP! There’s a mutual respect that has to go on amongst the adults and I think by your ex talking or waving to your 2yr old, he’s simply being respectful and being a decent human being. Most adults acknowledge small children.
Your new man is dumb. Do what you want. What’s he gonna do? Leave? Good riddance.
Sounds like your boyfriend needs to stop acting like a little Bch and grow up. He knew you had kids before he put his D* in you and made a baby so now he needs to suck it up,be a man,and get over it 
Sounds more controlling than immature.
extremely childish & he would also become an ex as well.
He is insecure and has issues. He needs to deal with them, they are not your problem. You have enough to worry about with 4 kids. I would tell him to cut the shit or be gone, kids and their well being come first.
Dumbest thing to be causing arguments about IMO he needs to grow up
sounds like he has some hatred towards your ex, or even jealousy. maybe try talking as a group to try and resolve this, if talking 1 on 1 with your husband isn’t helping. the dad is just teaching the son bad behavior, and to be disrespectful. hope this gets resolved quickly 
One day your children will get married… They won’t have two weddings one for mom and one for their dad. So he should just get over himself
Sounds like your BF is very controlling! Be careful. If he wants control over this he could end up controlling you over other things.
Bruh… he needs to relax
Your “boyfriend” needs to get over himself. He’s being ridiculous.
Childish as hell I don’t even have children with my ex he just lives at my mums house and when I go over with my kids he plays with them and they’re currently watching him laughing at him cleaning his car for god sake how silly can he be get over it
I’m going to agree with everyone else on this… he needs to GROW UP and get off that high horse! Quit being such a drama king about stuff. If your son wants to say hi his older siblings father then let him. That’s his way of being polite
Your bf needs to grow up. Your ex will ALWAYS be apart of your life. Your kids have a huge age gap for 1. Graduations, weddings, sports are all something your oldest could be having. Does he expect the sibling to sit out just because he doesn’t want your ex husband around? He signed up for the package. He is going to have to be an adult now and be civil. NOT FRIENDS just civil. He needs to realize this now or it will NEVER work out between yall.
Yikes, I’m wondering if there are other red flags. This alone could just be him feeling insecure, however if there are other things you might want to just pack up and leave.
I couldn’t even imagine my husband asking or expecting this of me. My ex and I both have children w our new partners and we both love and interact with said children at every drop off/pick up. I love his other kiddos to death & treat them like my own & vice versa. Not only is that unrealistic, but it’s also immature and controlling.
It’s a huge red flag, in my personal opinion. & if I were you, I’d be reevaluating the entire relationship.
He needs to GROW UP!! U will need to have contact with this ex forever. You have kids with him and he cannot be isolated just because ur bf isn’t mature enough to get over it. He’s being petty for whatever reason and it needs to stop. Ur telling me if one of ur kids has a birthday party, you cannot take your youngest. That’s selfish. They are all siblings and honestly if at some point ur ex took all the kids somewhere fun and the smallest wanted to go why can’t he if he’s also loved by the ex. Kudos to u that you can co-parent with the ex because apparently the one ur with now seems like he is going to be giving u a headache co-parenting if u ever separate.
He needs to get off his high horse sounds very childish
Ya my ex tried this. I sent him a picture of my ex husband holding our son…
Homie dont play that game. That’s the father of his siblings if you have THAT much of a problem with it guess ya should have reconsidered havin kids with me
I’m in kind of a similar situation…I have 4 older children 21,18,15,9 with my ex husband and my bf and I have a 2 yo together. My BF and I both have ample reason to not like or respect my ex but he treats our kids very well and my youngest loves talking to him and his new wife, especially her two daughters! We go to out of town baseball tournaments and spend more time together than is generally comfortable but my ex is always talking to him and buying him treats with the other kids and hi fives all the time….he’s a kid!! He wouldn’t understand me trying to tell him not to be nice to someone who is being nice to him and frankly it is causing zero harm!! I couldn’t imagine my bf wanting our child to behave that way to anyone, regardless who it is. Sorry you are stuck in the middle here but I agree that putting your foot down about this is the right thing for your little one, don’t put him in that position ya know!
Tell him to act like an actual grown man. I get not wanting confrontation… left an abusive narcissistic ass hat years ago… Why do you allow him to dictate what you do? My husband hated my ex, but he was cool with his 1/2 brother to come play at our house. It’s not about him. Sorry hon
I think you need to see this as a red flag.
That’s dumb. When my 9 year old is picked up by his dad or if we’re around each other for ball games, etc., My 3 year old that is not his child, always talks to him and he talks back. The little one’s feelings will be hurt if they speak and get ignored. And think about how that would make the older children about it. Just all around crazy imo.
This is an unreasonable request, especially down the line at major life events for your children, such as graduations or other special occasions, your son with the new guy shouldn’t be left out of those events and your other kids dad shouldn’t either.
Your boyfriend needs to grow the fuck up those are his sons siblings father and to do that is harming your other children. Girl you need to put your foot down now. What’s it matter a simple hi or wave pretty soon your son will wonder why the other kids dad doesn’t speak to him.
He is desperate for control and there is none to be had in regards to you dealing with your ex, so the only fragment of power he has is to use his son that you share as his wedge, he is a psychological infant and as long as your ex is good to the kids your boyfriends demands are pathetic and laughable
He should be very happy that your ex is friendly toward you new child. Since I spend many years with a narcissist, this seems like a huge red flag., be on the look out. It looks like he is trying to control you. Good for you that you are not going for it
They are that babies siblings. Like holy frick. I have two with my ex and soon to be two with my current. My ex has even watched my toddler for me while my bf and I had to work on the same day(I picked up a day shift. I’m usually a 3rd shifter) boyfriend sounds a little narcissist. And that would be just so rude to ignore a child in the back seat saying hi hi hi hi or whatever.
Your boyfriend needs to grow the f up! 
At first my husband said the same thing. However he quickly learned that I will not allow that to happen as I’m trying to teach my kids how to be decent people. Some men are scared or threatened by an ex. He knew you had an ex and had kids with him regardless of how quickly you got pregnant. (I got pregnant quick with my husband’s kids as well) he needs to learn to deal with it.
He’s being absolutely ridiculous and childish, and most importantly doesn’t have him own child’s best interests in mind.
He needs to get over himself that’s just stupid of him. That’s his siblings father you need to co parent there will be school stuff, kids activities , prom, graduations , that you all will have to attend. What will he do when the kids grow up and have weddings and baby showers.
He just sounds really jealous. I’m wondering if your older children don’t like him so much and he’s worried his own child will eventually prefer your ex also.
It’s great you and your ex are able to be around each other for the children’s sake with no drama 
Just be cautious of highly controlling behaviour
You tell your boyfriend he is being an idiot. In no way shape or form is it ok for him to be this ridiculous.
My ex has four kids which I never treated differently!! It’s not their fault!!
It sounds like your boyfriend is very insecure. Try to sit down and talk with him not argue just talk
He is being really childish I’d definitely leave because that’s him taken control of you. Not cool . I’d definitely end that relationship
That’s petty AF my ex and I have 3 kids also 17, 15, and 13. My ex and I co-parent very well. I got remarried 7 years ago and my ex has seen spoken to and even held my youngest son. My ex and husband get along and know the kids come first. That’s childish and I wouldn’t tolerate it at all. Exes are that for a reason.
Sounds like a similar situation of mine and it seems as if your boyfriend is insecure and all I can tell you is to run. Put your kids first ALWAYS! It doesn’t matter if you have a child together, if he doesn’t respect your older children’s feelings and your child’s feelings on this then he has to go. I promise you its the biggest regret I’ve had over the last 13 years and 2 kids later. Narrsassic are who they are, they’re controlling, insecure and verbally, psychologically and even physically abusive. If anyone is trying to keep you from doing right by your kids as a “family” then they are the one with the problem. You’re doing whats best for your whole family
Do what you think is right for all of your children you have done great with your other 3 so just be the best mother you can and your boyfriend needs to grow up.xx
Just the start of control.
So really after 11 solid years of co parenting with your ex, your new man child wants you to lay down ridiculous rules because he’s worried your ex is a better man?
Welllll sorry mate, suck it up coz the mans not going anywhere.
Leave and very fast for your kids
Did es he say why he would want your ex to be rude to your child? Sounds like he has some mental health problems he really needs to address before having anymore children with him.
I think i would dump the boyfriend and try to work things out with the ex. he sounds like more of a decent person then the boyfriend. I think the boyfriend is very selfish.
Tell your husband to grow up and not be so insecure! That is ridiculous!
Maybe put the shoe on the other foot and tell ya boyfriend ya ex doesnt want him to have anything to do with his kids,surely after a week (if that)ya BOYfriend will relise its just ridiculous
Simple answer - boyfriend needs to grow up.
He sounds super immature
You ditch the boyfriend…
This is red flag behavior & serious control issues showing up on the surface.
If it’s to the point he cannot accept normal life activities, like an adult, you need to do what’s best for ALL of your children, & lose the 1 problem maker.
It’s pretty telling of his character when the ex of 10 years is more tolerable of the man LIVING WITH his children…
I would dumb him right away… what kind of person would say that… instead of teaching kids to be polite and respectful he doesn’t even what him to say hi back to that poor man hasn’t even done anything bad to him.
So is this expected forever? I mean when the older kids get married, have kids, christenings, birthday parties, graduations. Things that the dad and the little brother should be able to attend without upsetting your boyfriend. I mean where do you draw the line. Will the older kids have to choose between their dad and brother for weddings/graduations/their children’s christenings/bdays etc.
Your partner sounds controlling and you really don’t want this to affect your children’s relationships. It will cause more and more trouble over time. I’d nip it in the bud now hunni.
I look after my daughter’s sisters and love them to bits. Because it’s in all of their best interests. He needs to grow up
You sound like you are doing a great job mama! Your boyfriend needs to grow up and look at the bigger picture. If he can’t, we’ll than maybe he isnt “the one”. You are so in for the kids, he seems to be a few chapters behind.
He would be my next ex!
Leave his ass. He sounds like a narcissistic asshole. Trust and believe they don’t change! Get out while you can!
How old is your boyfriend? Sounds like he needs to grow up. Talk about being insecure and jealous. How does he think his child would feel if he is ignored and how is this making your other children feel ? I guess only his feelings count. Beware this is only gonna get worse for you , your children and eventually your ex. That great co-parenting is gonna go out the window.
Sounds like you’re boyfriend is insecure and petty. If it were me I wouldn’t put the civil relationship with your ex jeopardy, which may affect your other kids. I wish I could have a civil co parenting relationship with my ex husband!
Is this bloke for real?
What would ure boyfriend want to do when the older kids are having bday party’s and the dad gets invited? Surly he’s not going to make the little one stay at home for his siblings party’s etc
He needs to grow up and stop been so pathetic,
Now if your ex ignored the child when with u he would have a point but come on he’s only saying hi to him not asking him to call him dad
It sounds like there is a certain reason for your boyfriend to not what your son around your ex at all. Either your ex is insecure when it comes to your ex or if your ex has ever done something that your boyfriend absolutely does not agree with therefore doesn’t want your two year old around it point blank. I wouldn’t immediately jump the gun and leave your boyfriend like everyone else is saying. It sounds like there is definitely a deeper reason why your boyfriend feels the way he does. I mean regardless the children that you have with your ex are not that close to 18 so you and your boyfriend are going to need to figure it out because there are going to be things where that cannot be avoided (graduation ceremonies, etc). However for some reason, I can’t really shake the feeling that there’s a bigger reason why your boyfriend feels the way he does - and I don’t think it’s “to control”.
Tell him to grow the fuck up and get over his jealousy issues. It’s toxic.
Tell your bf to grow up he sounds so childish he would make my brain bleed
What would he say or do if your ex said he couldn’t be around his three children?? He’d throw a fit, I’m sure.
I can’t imagine anyone ignoring a toddler that is trying to say hi. That is just mean. Then as they all get older what does he want, that they all exclude your youngest. How sad.
Control issues much? Boyfriend needs to go.
Is there a reason why he doesn’t want his child around your ex. Is he a danger to the child?
This is a No brainer Question… Your Child comes first. A Boyfriend is just a Boy, friend your gonna have to hold out for a Man😩
Seeing that your ex has unsupervised contact with his children, I assume there’s no danger involved. This sounds like jealousy and insecurity on your bfs part. If not addressed and dealt with, it will only get worse and cause damage in all relationships involved. My daughter is very close to her sister’s mother and in turn we’ve become close. The kids deserve and more importantly need all adults to behave like adults
Fire your boyfriend…just throw the whole dude out.
Your boyfriend, needs to work on himself and figure out exactly why he feels so threatened by your ex. His behavior comes across as very juvenile, or a trauma response. Eitherway, these are issues he needs to work on, and he should not expect you or his son, to play a part in. It is unhealthy at the very least, and quite toxic, in my opinion. His demands are irrational, controlling, and (again) toxic.
It is his kid and he has a say who can and can not be around that kid
Boyfriend needs to grow up or get gone weird behaviour that
Joh. Sad to say but your boyfriend is dangerous. Signs of a narcissistic psycho. Normal people dont react this way
girl ur bf is mental. he needs serious help. i can just imagine how he feels about ur babies… i wd run like the wind bulls eye!!
Boyfriend is jealous and needs to grow up. How would he like it if the ex said he can’t have any contact with his kids. I’d tell him get over it or get out. That’s just unnecessary drama that will ultimately affect the baby as he gets older.
I think you should ask him why he has a problem. Just tell him y’all have to come to a solution on this and that this isn’t a choice.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Sounds like your boyfriend needs to grow up. I don’t have much advice on how to fix it, but hope it gets better with time for you. My husband and I have been together for a long time, I helped raise the older two and we now have 2 younger ones together. The relationship with his ex hasn’t always been pleasant, but over time has improved immensely. I can’t even imagine not saying hi to her other children nor keeping mine away from her for any reason. I really do hope your boyfriend comes around and realizes that it’ll be better for everyone to just get along. You don’t need to have dinner with them, but for your other children’s sake he needs to figure out coexisting with your ex. Your son should not miss his siblings big moments (sporting events, graduation, etc) just because your boyfriend doesn’t want your ex to say hi…and your boyfriend should want to support your other kids as well. Definitely needs to grow up. Again I’m sorry and I hope things get better.
Why be with someone like that lol
When in doubt, throw the whole dude out.
Seriously though, you need a MAN, not some narcissistic fuckboy.
Throw out the man. Sounds like he has jealousy issues.
Toxic…that’s what I thought the whole time I was reading this. Your boyfriend sends up red flags for me🤷♀️
Wow. I assume there is no valid reason to make such a big deal about them having no contact, right? So i would say he needs to grow up. You have to co-parent your 3 other children, & he is the father of your sons siblings…it sounds like your youngest childs father is controlling, and feels threatened by your ex for whatever reason. Its unreasonable to me the way he is trying to control even who waves at your son. Me, nyself, think he is really immature . And the way he thinks, i think he could actually become worse as time goes on. Be careful! Men that demand such unreasonable things usually don’t change and could become more and more controlling and even abusive when you don’t do what he tells you to do. Keep your eyes open and see if this is really a relationship you want to continue in the future
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