My boyfriend got a DNA test behind my back...advice?

I would be leaving that relationship. My oldest daughters bio-whatever told me he was going to DNA test the baby because “he knows it’s not his”, even though we literally tried for a baby. He left before she was born, thankfully but I told him if he touched my baby with a DNA swab it was beyond over. The fact that he was asking and accusing alone should have been enough for me, but I was pregnant with my first baby and really hopefully for my new family. Girl, run.

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Don’t marry him, unless you gave him a reason to doubt the child was his

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Must have given him a reason to do that .

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The way things are these days every man married or not should have a DNA test done before they leave the hospital.

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tbh I would be more annoyed he Felt he had to hide the Fact he done that. I wouldn’t mind if he did it but the Fact he didn’t tell you.

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So what. If its his own insecurity then he did what he needed to. Why he has that insecurity is what you should be focused on. Communication is everything.

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My daughter’s father did the same thing, obviously she was his and all he did was waste 300 dollars :joy::joy: play stupid game’s you win stupid prizes.

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Men doing a DNA test isn’t a bad thing. They all should. Get over it.

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I mean he has a right to know, though he could’ve brought this up to you. Ither than that I have no advice.

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Women lie too! How many times do women swear up and down he’s the baby daddy only to find out he’s not! :woman_shrugging:
Men do have the right but going behind your back is sketchy. Did he ever ask you to take the test?

Well, if it happened 3 years ago then obviously his insecurities were proven very wrong lol I’d look at him like “okay, and what did we learn? That the mother of your child(ren) is indeed NOT a hoe? Congratulations, now don’t ever doubt me again or there will be problems.” :rofl:

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If you didn’t have any doubt about it being him why ya mad? I’m a feminist and strongly believe that Everyman should get a dna test.

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Well he wanted to make sure. Obviously u did something for him not to trust you

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So what …

Let it go girl…

HE wasted HIS money!

You can sit back and relax lol :laughing:

HE is the one that is insecure…
Now he knows that is his baby :100:
He will never deny it and you guys can move forward from here.
Maybe in his last relationship she lied…
So it will take time for him to trust ??

Either your shady or he has trust issues

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It’s the secrecy and trust issues that would upset me. If you want a DNA test be upfront and honest about it at that time. If he is hiding that what else is/has been hidden.

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I agree that he shouldn’t have hidden it. And yes a man should get a DNA test if he has his doubts. But none of us should just be automatically assuming that she did something to make him question it. Sometimes they do stuff like that because they’re doing or have done something they shouldn’t have. Lets not assume and/or judge… None of us know the whole situation…

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I would personally feel insulted. If you’ve never given him reason to doubt you, that’s a slap in the face. My ex husband acted like he was going to form his lips to question me and I shot daggers at him with my eyes, I dare you.

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How did he get your DNA? And who really cares. Some men need that peace of mind and that’s their right

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I don’t think OP or anyone else is saying he doesn’t have the right to know with out a doubt this is his child or that he didn’t have the right to have the test done. It’s the way he went about it.

If he was man and adult enough to sleep with you/OP, he should of been man/adult enough to communicate and have a conversation regarding wanting DNA testing.

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Should he have been worried ??

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I straight asked my baby daddy if he wanted DNA tests while we were in the hospital in case he had doubts but he didn’t

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I don’t really see the issue. It sucks that he felt like he needed to but it was obviously fine so🤷🏽‍♀️

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That shows a lack of trust. I’d have a big issue with that. If he had concerns, he should have talked to you about it like a man, not doing it behind your back like a coward.

Yeah, it’s been my experience that accusers are usually doing, or have done, the things they accuse YOU of.
In this case, cheating.
And keeping it a secret is lying by omission.
For me, this would be worth at least a few visits to a marriage counselor. And I’d go from there…

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Hell yeah I would be pissed not at the fact that he wanted a DNA test but at the fact that he did it behind my back that he didn’t trust me and to be honest that would be the breaking point of the relationship because for me trust is a major thing in a relationship and if he can trust me to just tell him the truth and to be willing for all of us to go down and do it then he doesn’t trust me on anything so yes I would be mad but not mad about a DNA test mad about how it was done

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I think ALL MEN should request a DNA test from every woman they were with who has a child they say is theirs. I think it should be standard. Too many folks fooling around.

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If I was a man I’d get a dna test no matter what, so I’d let it slide

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If there wasn’t anything for you to worry about why are you so upset. If he needed reassurance fine. Let it go!

He must of been cheating at the time and projecting. Are you still together? Clearly he doesn’t think to highly of you if he had questioned the DNA

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As long as the money isn’t coming out of my wallet I won’t care.

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I have no idea why men aren’t out here getting DNA tests on a regular anyway.

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He obviously had doubts the baby was his
Whether from his own insecurities or maybe you were unfaithful prior to him or while with him and he just wants to be sure.
If not from you being unfaithful then talk to him about it and ask why.
Maybe it’s from something in his childhood

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I suggest all men do this as many have found out thay the baby is not theirs. Especially after the child is grown and dad finds out hes "not the father…The girls these days play too much. Stop it.

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How old were you at time of pregnancy let it go now you both know is or is not. He could have been thrown into a brain over load. Happens to men to. Don’t be upset bout it if it’s his he knows it let him know it’s ok don’t keep the child away from him

Maybe he had doubts or someone put doubts into his head , anyway he has a right to do it .

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I mean if for example you guys hadn’t been together long or were not serious and you got pregnant… he probably just needed to make sure. There is times when a Dad gets attached to a child like they should and then the parents separate. The Dad finds out later the child isn’t even his and this is heartbreaking to learn a child you believed was yours isn’t. Maybe this is not the case .

Sometimes they just need to make sure sometimes family members think the worse all the time.

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I would be upset that he did it behind my back. And if he had doubts about you cheating and you weren’t then chances are he was… usually the accuser is the one cheating.

If my spouse did this, I wouldn’t care… as long as it wasn’t my money it’s none of my business but I told him the baby was his… Shame he didn’t believe me and wasted money. :rofl:

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Are you upset that he hid the rest from you? Or that he felt the need to take the test?
How long were you together prior to conception? What were the circumstances? Have you always been faithful? Are others saying otherwise? Hard to offer advise without all the facts. If you cannot let it go, I suggest couples counseling to work through it before it blows up. Your feelings are yours to have, i hope you are able to process and work through it. :two_hearts:

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It’s a matter of trust!

With nothing to hide it wouldn’t bother me one bit.

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Don’t be upset he found out what he needed spent his own money on it and he probably a lot happier knowing for certain and if you have nothing to hid don’t stress about it my in-laws wanted to get one on my younger two kids saying they ain’t my husband kids I straight told them if you’re paying for it then go ahead I’m like my husband doesn’t want to pay for it he knows you’re the only one having these doubts it didn’t hurt me none I wasn’t upset by it as long as they pay for it I don’t care

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Depends on if he’s just crazy all the time or just had some lingering doubts. It may feel like he didn’t trust you but I’d just let it go. Unless he’s always crazy. Then I’d let him go.

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We don’t know your history together or why he had doubts but it’s been 3 years… Is it worth making a big issue of it now?

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Let It go
It happened yrs ago
Obviously he is the dad one way or another
Look at it this way
He is still with you

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I think all babies should have dna done at birth regardless if parents are married or not. Unless you had something to hide why be mad 3 yrs later?

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I would never care about a DNA test everyone deserves “Peace of mind”! I even asked my husband if he wanted them :woman_shrugging: I know I was only with him but he’s not with me 24/7 7 days a week. He never got any but I wouldn’t have cared. My boys will be getting them as long as I have a say. I think every man should get one. I’ve seen too many shows and video clips of men taking care of kids that weren’t theirs because they’ve trusted the woman.

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I’d probably be like since you obviously didn’t trust me there is no reason to be in this relationship

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If he’s the dad at least now he knows

I’m not mad! He had doubt’s? Maybe? He needed confirmation? He got his answer! I’m not mad at all! Hurt because he didn’t trust me! But understandable! I feel like everyone should have DNA test nowadays!

I guess it would depend on if you gave him reasons to doubt the baby is his. Did you cheat before, or anything he would find suspicious? I think there’s way more to this story. Nobody just gets a paternity test without good reason. There’s always two sides to a story but the truth is usually something else.

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Gurl run. Huge red flag.

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I wouldn’t care if he wanted one. I’d be hurt that he didn’t ask me himself and hid it - only because this shows distrusting attributes. I hope he got the answer he was looking for - I’d say so if he’s still around 3 yrs on.

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I’d be upset at the fact it was hidden and for some time to.

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It was 3 years ago. Get over it. Who cares if ppl doubt u if u know its his daughter. Now he just looks stupid

Couple’s counseling. This is a huge trust issue.

I’m pretty sure it’s illegal without mothers permission

It’s not the test itself it would be the way he went about it that would be a deal breaker for me

Thats crap. He doesn’t trust you to be upfront.

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As long as you know who daddy is what does it matter

This would make me want to question the trust in my relationship. Why would he believe or doubt the baby is not his? Obviously there is a trust issue you are aware of or need to find out about. Oh well as long as it’s his who cares.

I would be upset if he asked for one but I would get it because I would want him to feel secure. I know what it’s like to be insecure but if he snuck behind my back and did it that may end the relationship it would depend on how string and good of a relationship we have.

Well did you do something for him to feel like he needed a DNA test ? If so can you blame him? … if not I would just speak w him that he could have been open about it , and idk I wouldnt want to be w that person anymore if I felt like he didnt trust me … but all depends on how yalls relationship is aswell . If yall have a good bond talk it out

It has been 3 years, let it go!

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Obviously he didn’t trust you… And yes I’d be livid 3 years later!!!

Lmfao I’d laugh in his damn face like haha dumbasss really thought I cheated on you. You guys still together and seem fine now besides that

If u got nothing to hide u got nothing to worry about . Don’t worry about it. He did what was right for hem and your child u need to put aside your petty feelings. About 4% of men are raising children that are not there’s and don’t know. And 32% of men who requested a DNA test are not the father. But at least now he has no questions about it and it can’t affect how he raises that child

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I wouldn’t be mad. Think of it from a guys perspective. So many guys get lied to. He should have talked to you first but i understand why he did it. I have a friend who raised his daughter for 6 years before his girlfriend broke up with him and she told him his daughter wasn’t really his. He was devastated and completely heartbroken.

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My fiance is more than welcome to get a DNA test on any and all of our children. He has a right to silence any doubts in his head life is messy I’m guessing he didn’t bring it up because he got the answer he needed and there was nothing more to discuss. I’d talk about it and say I wish I would’ve been included I hope that helped your trust in me and us. Men have so many people telling them this that and the other I think every man should have a right to know.

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Honestly I think it’s ridiculous he did it behind your back instead of being honest. My husband KNEW our kids were his and I still told him there would be no hard feelings if that’s what he chose to do because it IS very hard to be trusting in this day and age. My offering of it just proved to him they were his so we never dealt with that.

You absolutely can not blame a man for wanting to make sure. We are the carriers so we obviously have no doubt it’s our baby and we don’t know how it feels to maybe have that feeling of wanting to make sure, he may have went about it wrong by not saying anything but maybe that’s because of the way you would react, who knows really but he has every right to make sure. Tons of men “trust” the mom and then find out years later it’s not their kid the whole time so honestly its understandable!

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Well that was 3 years ago I bet he felt bad I’d let it be because y’all are still together so it doesn’t matter :joy::joy::joy: he’s wilding for that tho I would be laughing tho because you have nothing to hide

First you don’t know how many times he’s been cheated on. Second if you had nothing to hide it shouldn’t matter. What if 3 years later he found out the baby wasn’t his. Then what.

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i would of said now dont u feel stupid lol

all men should get DNA test. trust or no trust

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I have 5 boys and yep I a million percent support this, he should have said something yea but at the end of the day he doesn’t have to say anything. Looking at your post I would def say that you likely would have flipped your shit at even the idea of it.

Was three years ago he checked. You would have been pissed and never forgave him if he asked you to get one. Has he been a good dad No red flags as a shitty husband?

It was over 3 years ago…forgetaboutit…

To answer everyone …NO I didn’t give him a reason to geta DNA test done …