Try to get him to parent the kids he has. See how that goes and take it from there 
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Wait? Why doesn’t he have custody? Why are them kids living in filth ? You shouldn’t have kids either if you can’t try to care for the ones he has and have any compassion to get them help!! He doesn’t care
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How is his reason any less valid then urs…is he wrong for his feeling? I dont think either of u are but u need to understand his feeling count and are as valid as urs
So you’re saying he doesn’t take care of 3 out of the 4 kids he has now and you want another one with this man?! the house and the kids is 50/50. Maybe if he wasn’t running around chasing your tail and who knows how many others then he would’ve had time to tend to his responsibilities at home!
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He’s smart. He’s thinking about the fact that he has to pay for each child and is stretched to the limit.
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I’m confused… how were you at their house if they were still together? Let alone… whether he’s there or not, they are BOTH raising those children not just her. I think your judgment is displaced, whether the other situations are true or not. He is also a parent, and if he isn’t raising them and doesn’t want more… let him be. He has every right to have an opinion to this as you.
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Doesn’t he have arms? He was ok with living like that too
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Maybe he doesn’t want anymore kids out of wedlock.
I dont get how the mom gets blamed if both were living together he could have made the kids clean or he could have spent his weekend cleaning up dog poop for his kids welfare not the exs
Wow, you bash his bbm and probably throw it in his face a lot. I can see why he doesn’t want anymore kids but can you understand that. Never force a man or anyone to do what you want. It will NOT work out in the end and than your kids suffer. Leave his kids out of it, you have no clue on his exes history or why she let’s them do whatever. Keep your thoughts and words on your current self and situation. Humble yourself as well. Be grateful for the one child you have, most ppl don’t get that opportunity to even have a child or have two parents. Stop dictating that man’s life and past and start working on you.
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If you don’t want to be a part of his other kids life you don’t need to be with him. Just because their not biological doesn’t mean you shouldn’t treat them as if they were if you plan on being with him. On another note, it’s as much his problem as it is hers if their living in filth. He can clean too, he should be taking care of those kids too. She may have a mental illness that’s untreated (postpartum is a bitch). She may not be able to help this Behavior without help from him. He needs to stand up and be a dad and again if you plan on being with him you need to be a better bonus mom.
Why didn’t you or him or SOMEONE call CPS or cops to help the kids??? Unbelievable
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I feel like, please forgive me, that you were a side chick? Im sorry my dear but all yall sorry in this situation. Its not just her job to keep the damn house clean, he is a grown ass father with 3 kids he couldve cleaned up as well or take them out of the situation like others have said…i just cant…smh 
fix it please. I think you need counseling and yall all need parenting classes. Do better love.
No you are not wrong and he may change his mind but he may not. You have to decide if this hill is one you can die on
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Hold on i had to come back cuz i didnt read the entire thing…
You have the AUDACITY THE UNMITIGATED GULL to say SHE IS THE TERRIBLE PARENT??!!!
Girl…you are delusional and i am pissed off…SHE DIDN’T MAKE THOSE GAWDDAMN KIDS BY HERSELF…they bad? They have behavioral issues!!! Where tf was he during all this!!! Sounds like he checked out which is wrong! Help him with his 3 children…how can you think about bringing another kid into this right now?!! They need guidance, love, support from him, his mom (whenever she decides to get her shit together)…and if ya’ll get married you WILL BE STEP MOTHER! at the end of the day…she is their mother even if shes trash…girl idk lol i shouldnt have read the whole thing cuz that just is on another level…
Uhm… were you seeing him while he was married and with her? You said you went there while they were still together… and girl please. He can clean as well, he has two feet and two hands and oh right, a heart beat. He can take care of his kids too. It’s not HER full responsibility to keep the house in tip top shape and raise the kids. The fuck out of here with this dumbass side chick shit. And if it was that dirty, why was it not called in.
Hold up! Wait a minute! You were in their house BEFORE you and him got together? 
What was your relationship with them/her? Please don’t tell me this woman used to be your friend. Any-who, if his kids are living in such a terrible situation wouldn’t it be better to get them out of that situation instead of trying to make more? I can’t pinpoint it but there is something about you that just doesn’t sit right with my soul.
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Why would you want to purposefully have kids with someone who let’s his kids live like that?!?
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So you wanna start another mess with a child with someone who Clearly doesn’t tend to the ones he has with other women? Maybe take a step back and re evaluate. I mean all you did was trash talk to the baby mothers and blame them. But never mention if your significant other is even a part of their lives. Is he working on a solution to the issues he has with his kids and his exes. It seems you’re trying to start a fairy tail with a trash pile of a mess.
Sorry can’t get on board with this one
If those kids are really living in those conditions with maggots and lice 911 should be called as well as child protective services because these kids deserve a loving and safe environment and for my perspective sounds about right that he doesn’t want to have any more kids he can’t even take care of it’s own kids he gonna have more with you you need to grow up and find another man
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OP, they finna drag you
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OP you fuckin marshmallow, you’re about to get roasted 
The condition of HIS house is his fault to.
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You’re (Only) been together for 3 years and you have a 1 year old. Why rush into any more than you’ve got… lot of baggage to get cleared up… get the other 3 kids into your house and make them ready for the messed up world… maybe one of them can make some real changes… some day
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OP get back here and answer for your crimes
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why would you be with a man that was still with his wife? And be inside their house? Smh wtf
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Um so… What did y’all do about the kids living situation? So, the kids are living in filth and you want to bring another kid into the world. So let me get this right…u want this man to bring another child into the world when there’s a crisis with his other 3 children??? How dare you talk to him like that? You are wrong and I wanna cuss u out.
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Does he have 2 broken arms & legs? He obviously wasn’t deployed when you were over there hanging out with someone else’s husband & you saw with your own eyes the filth HE ALSO let his kids live in…
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First of all, why didn’t you call CPS on them, yes them the wife and your now boyfriend. How dare you put her down in every possible way. It’s also not her fault, her babies daddy don’t want more kids with you. Nobody’s perfect!
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There’s so much wrong with this post…imma let y’all handle this one. Just commenting so I can follow the shitshow
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Wrong no but you can’t force him into it if he doesn’t want kids that’s his decision and you can’t shame him or force him into, move on with someone who wants the same things you do instead of building a situation of eternal resentment. Respect his wishes and walk away if you both are wanting different things 
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You story was too long uthi kwwnzenjani ?
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Girl get a sperm donor
Im sorry his ex gave him that outlook on kids. Maybe give it a year or two and he will see that it isn’t supposed to be like that. If only having one biological child and not anymore is a deal breaker , you need to decide if you can live with just one or if you want to find someone else to fulfill your dream. If you truly can’t live with only one, then you may end up resenting him and even hating him for it down the road and waisting time when you might find someone out there that wants everything you do. Just make sure to communicate your needs and dealbreakers to your man and if you decide to find someone else , then make sure they know what your dealbreakers are before getting serious. They may want more kids than you do, you may not find someone that only wants one. Good luck in whatever you decide,? You have to be true to yourself or you will never be happy 
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Ma’am, I just need to know where you’re purchasing the AUDACITY to trash your boyfriend’s WIFE and KIDS. He clearly was home from deployment at least 3 times, and he could do nothing with the state of his house and children then? But he had big enough balls to bring his side piece on a stroll through his marital home and his WIFE is the only problem?
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The last thing you need is more kids. How about getting married for a start! He doesn’t need any more kids. He needs to get his kids back and give them a good home. Why do people think they need to have so many kids? It’s time to get your act together and give the kids already born, a decent life. Ask God to help you! He will, you know!! Amen Magna!!
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You do know he could have cleaned up his pig mess of a house too. Quit trying to publicly humiliate the mother of his children when he could have gotten up off his butt and cleaned it too. He. Does. Not. Want. To. Have. Another. Child. With. You. Get over it. Why were you even at his house being the side chick?
Behavior is on both of them not just mom. And why not try to be a part of his 3 kids lives in a bigger way? Sounds like that’s what us needed . When you love someone you consider their needs and THEIR kids if they have them there is a lot to work out here b4 you add more fruit of your womb.
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Lmao you are a WRECK. And so is your man. Hes a parent too so he had every chance to parent his kids AND clean that house as well as she did.
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I wouldn’t want to have ONE kid with someone who let his other children live like that, let alone TWO!
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ok guys he was deployed gone for months yes he’s a dad too but mom has them 24/7 if you read the whole thing she’s more to blame then the dad we don’t know if he tries to clean up when he was back so stop pointing fingers to the op no your not wrong for wanting more of your own but you have to remember have ing kids is something you both have to want he doesn’t so you’ll either have to deal with his choice of leave him if it matters to you that much
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Maybe put more time and effort into the already living children**
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The problem with side chicks, they think they’re better than wives.
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Honestly it sucks she was crappy & it sucks if you want another one & he doesnt but you can’t expect him to want more kids if he doesn’t want more kids. Some people are done after 2,3,4 kids. They don’t feel like they can handle more.
How about… getting custody of his kids first since they seem to not be in the best situation with the mom… plus 4 kids? That’s already a lot, I understand his reservations girl. But instead of trying to get pregnant again right away, y’all need to do what’s right and bring those babies home, build that family up, and if you want to add anymore babies that’s something that can happen after y’all have some stability with the kids he already has. It’s not your fault you’re right, but you chose to be with a man who already had kids with someone else. That was your choice.
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So you got with him knowing he was ok for dogshit to be sitting around for months? Let alone his kids living in it? And you thought this was daddy material? Sweetie it’s not just the moms fault it’s his fault too. Ya she was hella wrong for sleeping around but damn maybe he just don’t want anymore kids
Oh good grief 🤦 why are you still referring to her as ‘his wife’? That’s the real question.
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Before I could answer your question…
I’d like/need to know what’s being done to address these unimaginable and unlivable conditions for the children he already has?
YOU should be asking YOURSELF this as well. I mean if he’s okay with his children living like that then why would you want to bring him more children?
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All those things are not only the moms fault, but her husbands fault as well. How dare you only blame her. Worry about your boyfriend allowing his children to live that way. You really want that person as the father of your children?
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Why is it always the women’s fault when the house is messy, or shit on the floor, why is it not his fault? All i hear is a the second/trophy wife getting her digs in
If you want another kid leave him and go have one, don’t coerce your husband into a kid he doesn’t want.
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Hang in there give it sometime, four years is a good gap between babies and if you give it sometime he may begin to understand why you want two of your own. Sorry for your trouble, it will work its way out if you love him.
You were the side piece and still are. He doesn’t want more kids because he doesn’t want to be permanently tied to another woman. Cut your losses and move on
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No - of course it’s not wrong for you to want your own kids! But if he doesn’t, that’s a problem! Also, why does he only have one of his kids? Where are the others? Someone needs to step up for those other kids! If you guys aren’t going to, CPS/DCFS needs to be notified of the conditions those children are living in, because that is not okay!
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You dated someone who already had kids. That’s on you. You should never force anyone to have a kid.
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So just give up on the 3 kids that are his that clearly need some love. As a bonus mom this post is trash and it sounds like you 3 adults are as well. You should be focusing on the children already here rather than adding another to this sad situation.
Why isn’t he helping his kids? Teaching them the correct way to be? Why is he leaving them to live their lives like that? Social services should be involved it’s not right. Why isn’t he round there helping his ex (or his wife) to clean and get everything all nice? Why is it all down to her? Maybe she is depressed and needs help?
Sorry to say this but he doesn’t sound that great either and I would be off running. Why would you want any children with him when he has left his other children to live like that??? 
It’s just wrong.
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So you wanna bring another kid into this world while he’s doing absolutely nothing to protect his original 3 from living in those conditions? Nah. 
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Have u ever thought maybe its not because of his ex. Maybe it’s because another child equals more food,clothes,diapers,medical bills, money in general, stress and worry and maybe he just don’t feel like he can handle anymore and I don’t blame him it sounds like the man has been threw enough and probably has enough on him already he has u ur kid his other kids an his ex wife he has to juggle he might already feel overwhelmed. This isn’t an excuse but 1 if this women is as bad as u claim are u sure she doesn’t have mental issues going on because that sounds like women who needs help who is so beat down an depressed she is giving up but I’m sure u haven’t offered true caring help for those kids. Why hasnt someone called to help the children if its that bad.
And who are u to tell him its not ur fault he had kids with a bad mother!?!? I am sure this man didn’t marry a women thinking this is how she would be at all! You married him knowing his situation obviously since u was in their house while they was still together knew what u signed up for and u had to know that scars a person period so no u should be WAY MORE UNDERSTANDING AS A WIFE. I dont blame the guy he has delt with one women having issues an here u are telling him it’s not ur fault he married that I wouldn’t want anymore kids either.
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“First time I went to his house, they were still together, there was dog poop stuck on the floor for months…”
So, he couldn’t pick it up either?
If a man (or woman) does not want to have more children, you cannot force them to. Yes, you can feel however greatly about this as you would like, but it takes two to be ready for a child. If the living situation is as bad as you say it is, I would strongly suggest getting the kids he has from his previous relationship out first before bringing more children into the picture.
Girl get yourself together.
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1st not cool “dating” a married man with kids.
2nd it’s mom AND dads fault.
3rd If living conditions are that bad (dangerous) you should have called cps. The fact that you didn’t, you shouldn’t be a mom either.
4th help his existing children before anything else since you insisted on home wreaking. (Which is his fault too)
I really can’t believe this is real.
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How can some people be so stupid…
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This sounds like a discussion you should have had with him at the start of your relationship, before ending up in a situation where you’re at odds. You always knew you wanted more, it’s not on him to predict that.
Of course you aren’t wrong for that. Yall need to discuss this. You can’t make him, so talking about it can tell you what it is you may have to do moving forward. Blessings yall come to an understanding yall can live with. But…I’d be trying get his other goods in line a little before I’d add an infant to the mix. Bad behaviors wear off on good.
It’s his fault too! Period! U need to run cause it isn’t all of the ex’s fault that house was nasty. He can do just as much as her and clearly NEITHER give a shit so run and run fast. Stop blaming the other women when your man is just as nasty as the ex.
As soon as i saw that he also lived like that and thought it acceptable that his children lived like that i would have walked away.Let alone you were in his and his wifes home together tells you everything you need to know about his morals…so why you are even contemplating having a child with this man is beyond me.My advice is to move on and find someone with the same goals as yourself.someone with the same sense of family as yourself.this man sounds like a whole mistake🤦
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Not have one 
He’s trying to politely tell you what he wants and what he’s thinking…don’t put this on him OR you.
You’ll just be mad, as he won’t be much help and resentment of said choice. Don’t do it:bangbang:
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Ummmm…from an outside perspective, if he was also living in the deplorable conditions you’re describing, then he was responsible as well. It sounds like there may be more to the situation than we’re getting, but I’d cut my losses and run.
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If you want another child that’s fine if he doesn’t want another child that’s fine the problem is is you both can’t want what you want and stay together so if you really want another baby you may need to rethink the relationship if you stay in the relationship wanting another baby you will resent him for the rest of your life or if you force him to have a baby with you and he doesn’t want one he will resent you for the rest of your life so it’s better to just split up if you both want different things
Sounds like you had your eye on this man for a while now…the man doesn’t sound like he is interested either, this sounds like a big drama mess.
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Sorry but if I saw this I would call for a wellness visit unsanitary
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He has told you. Find someone else.
So…do you understand being with him you legit have 4 kids already now?..can I handle a 5th on top of the work yall have already??? I have 6 of my own and its not simple
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Maybe you guys should be focusing on filing an emergency custody order for the current children that are living in squalor at their mother’s instead of just having some re-do baby. This post makes me angry
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So he lived there too with his wife while he was messing around with you and he had done nothing about the children’s living condition but you still saw this man as prince charming and brought another baby into the world with him?
You’re allowed to want another child but he is allowed to not want another child too.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend has reservations about having another kid, what should we do? - Mamas Uncut
Why would you even consider having kids with a “boyfriend” who let his own kids live in filth? Was that not a red flag? Kids have two parents…so why in the world is he omitted from any of the responsibility for his kids living conditions? Sounds like you need to wise up to what the real situation at hand is. Run, Girl…and find you a better man…or better yet work on yourself cause you should of known better than to get involved with that whole mess.
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I get you wanting more but taking care of a lot of people is expensive and hard. The kids are not bad, they need guidance. Be their guidance. I have always wanted more and my boyfriend did at first but now, we would be crazy to have another one. They almost out this house!! Lol but seriously. I have one and gifted 2 to be a part of my life. No kid will ever act the way we demand them to act. Be kind and show them the right way to behave. Don’t be angry at his new choice but respect the reasons why. One day it might happen and if not, just enjoy what you have.
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If she was so useless why did he keep having kids with her? Why didn’t he take them when they split? Why doesn’t he take them now? Have you guys offered respite?
You knew when you got with him he had a whole bunch of baggage so you signed up to the challenge also. Maybe offer to help him sort out the existing children before expecting him to deal with more. He might be feeling like he failed his first 3 so can’t handle anymore.
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So three grown ass adults are just letting kids live with lice and a whole bunch of unhealthy shit… y’all 3 should NOT have more kids…at all…so sad you blame the mom when neither you or your man help those kids.
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Who the F lets their kids live like that?! This man has turned a blind eye to his responsibilities and you want to bring more children into the world with him??? Noooooooooooo…1st of all, call cps for those poor babies. They should not be living like that. PERIOD.
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You can’t blame just the mother for how the kids act. They do have a father also. He should have been disciplining them also.
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I stopped reading at “first time I went to his house they were still together” 
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So it’s all the mom’s fault ? 
Where the kids dad in all this ? Sounds like he isn’t trying very hard himself to help them live better then they are or act better then they do… While your busy bashing another mom maybe u should stop and think about what the dad does to help those kids and their horrible situation cause guess what honey ITS HIS FAULT TOO!
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He didn’t just get some girl pregnant, he had three children with her. They raise them together it’s not all her fault how they are, it takes two to parent and sometimes a man to help clean here and there a stay at home mom with 3 kids isn’t easy. Your not wrong for wanting more kids but if he already has 4 I can understand his situation and not wanting anymore.
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I understand the mother of your boyfriends kids was not the best mom and evidently had a nasty house. What I don’t understand is why the better part of your post is spent pointing out HER flaws and making sure we all see that she was nasty. I think you might need to realize he just doesn’t want more kids…you want to blame his experience with her on his decision to not have any more. He has 3 with her and 1 with you! That’s alot of responsibility in many ways. Even though he’s in the military you cant blame everything on the mom. Did he try to get his kids out of that mess? You knew he had 3 kids already…you have decided to live with him,have a child with him and for the past 3 years not be married. Why would you want to have another baby with a man that’s telling you he does not want one.
If you are going to stay with him it’d be a good idea to stop trashing the mother of his children (regardless)
We all have flaws even you as we can tell from the rant about his “wife” as you called her, you didn’t refer to her as his ex wife.
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Your not wrong for wanting more kids, but you should respect his choice. You knew he had bad ass kids and a baby mama when you got with him so his choice shouldn’t surprise you. Also, what’s this about it all being the mom’s fault…he obviously ain’t deployed anymore so you might encourage him to put foot to ass and correct those children who’ll be adults one day!
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I wouldn’t even be thinking about having another baby. Those kids need help.
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1st regarding your boyfriends ex. He married her & those behaviors from their kids or from her didn’t magically appear when he deployed. She was like that before he left. Most likely before he married her. He probably just didn’t care enough. Their kids were raised that way by BOTH OF THEM. Please stop making excuses for him. He picked her for whatever reason.
2nd As for you wanting more children. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s simple & you probably don’t want to hear it but he ain’t the one. It’s that simple. You want different things than he does. This is a major “issue” not just something trivial like he doesn’t like to eat in the same restaurants as you. Having kids is a major issue.
It sounds like he is firm & so are you. Agree to disagree & move on. The relationship has run its course. Not everyone we love is who we are meant to be with. Don’t try to force something that is incompatible & this is clearly an incompatible issue. If you get pregnant again it could push him completely away, meaning he doesn’t want to be involved with the kids or paying child support. You should be saying NEXT!
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There are two parents. He had a hand in raising his kids. What was their father doing to better their home life? Because it sure doesn’t sound like much. If I knew my child was living like that I would blow the roof off the building upon finding out because that’s just unacceptable. It’s not just one parents fault, it’s both of theirs. He should be raising his kids too so I can’t understand why you keep blaming the mother only… you aren’t wrong for wanting more kids. You and your bf should have talked about this stuff before making babies. If you know he has 4 children already… do you blame him seriously for not wanting more? That’s a lot of responsibility.
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Although I think its horrible the condition the kids had to live in…
I know what its like being the only person taking care of children while a spouse is on deployment. I’ve dealt with depression and no time to myself because I’m the only one who could take care of the kids. Sometimes the world needs a little more compassion. The mom obviously has something going on and needs help. I’d say the last thing you should be thinking about is more kiddos:/
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You’re not wrong for wanting another, but he’s also not wrong for not wanting any more due to previous bad experience. Just because you see yourself as being a mother of two, doesn’t mean you can force him to have another one.
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I’m a mum of three kids and I can tell u with no help from the father it’s very hard work mentally physically and financially draning he maybe is thinking logically have 4 kids is extremely expensive and instead of mum bashing her if u can’t offer help get your man to step up alittle …sick of seeing single mothers being spoken badly about this shit is hard support each other
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Did none of you see where she said he was deployed? Obviously he’s not home as much as he would/should be. So yes technically it is the mother’s fault.
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Was he not living there too? He sounds just as gross
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you’re not wrong for wanting more kids, but he’s not wrong for not wanting more kids.
personally i would have left after walking into that nasty house. how would anyone be comfortable with someone knowing they’re ok with their kids living with lice and dog shit stuck to the floor for months. completely disturbing.
just pack up leave girl. find a man who’s not afraid to clean and who wants more kids.
I didn’t even finish the story after I read he allowed his children to live in squalor.
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So from what I understand, you want more children, your husband does not and it’s his ex wife’s fault ?? And you want to give more children to a man that allowed his what, 3 other children,to live in such squaller??! Do I have that right ?
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