My boyfriend has reservations about having another kid, what should we do?

I’ve been with my boyfriend going on 3 years now, we have a 1 year old and from his previous marriage he had 3 kids, and his wife was and still is a terrible person, from having sex with his brother while he was on deployment, being a stay at home mom and never ever keeping the house clean ( first time I went to his house they were still together there was dog poop stuck on the floor for months), gnats everywhere, couldn’t even walk into the kids room, food so old there were maggots growing out of food left in the kids room, piss stains all over carpets, the kids have lice 24/7 and don’t care about anything anyone tells them because their mom lets them do whatever they want, you could litterally be talking to them and they’ll throw their trash on the ground right in front of you like it’s a normal thing, and soooo much more, but because of his bad out look on kids and how bad his are (it’s not their fault it’s their moms fault I know) he doesn’t want to have anymore kids with me and I’ve always seen myself being a (biological) mom of 2, I’ve told him many times it’s not my fault you got somone pregnant who never cared to actually raise her children to be decent human beings and he got with me, a single women who wants more than one kid, I love my son endlessly but I really just want one more of my own, am I wrong for that ?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend has reservations about having another kid, what should we do?

His WIFE! And you act like he had absolutely no say in how bratty his kids are, how dirty his house is/was. Girl, go have babies with someone else.

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You’re not wrong but you can’t force more onto his plate than what he also wants. This is what I call an impasse. It’s impossible to determine a reasonable, fair, solution for the both of you. You need to sit down and really talk it out. Express to him that this may be a deal breaker if you feel that way about it. He might feel that way too. Best not to waste each others time if one of you or both of you look at this as a deal breaker.

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You’re wrong for telling him it’s not your fault he got someone else pregnant. He clearly has his hands full and doesn’t want another child. He has dirty children who constantly have live and behavior issues. Add in a 1yr old and you want an infant too? Plus a terrible ex?

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So did he never watch his kids or live in that house? It’s unacceptable to blame all of this on his ex. If he’s a great dad then he should be helping raise his children too and helping clean/maintain his house?

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So he lived in those conditions, and you think he held zero responsibility in the house and the children? If he is a good man/dad he would be helping with the house and children

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This is a conversation you should of had before any babies . He doesn’t want more you do you can’t force him to have more and if you still want more end it and go do that .

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So he lived in that house and never cleaned either? And he never did anything to get his kids out of that environment after leaving her? Also, why were you in his house while he was still married and living with his wife? This whole situation is a mess.

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The conditions in which their home was kept were also his fault. He is to blame for the filth and the issues with his children also. Secondly you cannot force him to have any more children. He already knows he has enough. If you don’t look at the children he already has as your children too, you have no place being with him. #makingsofanevilstepmom

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I agree with not putting all the blame on the mum for kids behaviour and dirty house. Why didn’t her husband help discipline kids and clean up? And why were you in their house while they were still together?:thinking:

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Just as much his responsibility to step up and get his kids in line! Unbelievable! :flushed:

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Excuse me, He is a GROWN ASS man that has just as much responsibility to the children HE made and the Home in which he LIVED in. So if THIER Home was a pigsty and his children behave as little gremlins HE Is just as RESPONSIBILE for the lack of PARENTAL PRESENCE in that house period!

That’s fine but if he doesn’t, you can’t force him and why would you want another kid anyways with a man that doesn’t want one?? Move on.

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Look, I know how Dependa’s work. It’s really bad at times. (Not all wives are like that but there’s enough of them we have a nickname for them)
That said, unless he had moved into the barracks, he knew what was going on.
Granted, being gone makes it hard to retrain your children but he should’ve used all that, gotten a psych report and taken the children. The fact he didn’t makes me wonder wtf was really going on.
Now, he’s your bf. Not your husband. I can’t even be mad he doesn’t want more. He has Al ot on his plate and if y’all break up, how can he afford 6 children on child support?
You’re thinking about you, he’s thinking about “What if I get screwed later?”
Have some empathy.

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If you see yourself with 2 children and he doesn’t want anymore…. Time to move on!

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You lost me at “first time I went to his house they were still together.” Secondly, this cannot all be the fault of his ex. That was his home too and those are definitely his kids to be raising and cleaning up after as well… soooooo ? Help me make it make sense here?

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This post… so much to unpack.

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Why haven’t those kids been taken away already?? :woman_facepalming::pensive:

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It sounds like he needs individual therapy (because that sounds like a traumatic marriage) and you guys need couples’ therapy.
Personally, I don’t understand the drive to have more than one kid, though. You’re lucky enough to have one kid - tons of people would kill just to be able to birth the one child you already have.

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Hold up. If he was living there, he IS responsible for the way his kids act and the way that house looked. Why are you giving him a free pass? Are you serious right now? This is the guy you want to bring ANOTHER child into the world with? And it’s all ok because YOU want this one, while literally throwing his first 3 aside, and acting like they don’t exist and it’s all their mother’s fault. Honey, don’t have another child with him until he can take responsibility for his part in the situation with his bio kids… and for fuck sakes, quit making excuses for a father who has kids but refuses to step up and teach them how to live, and instead blames their mother. That’s not a man. That’s a child. This is so fucked up on so many levels.

So go after custody of his kids.

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…how is it just her fault…sounds like he took no responsibility for the children either…

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Why were you at his house while he was still her? I can’t get past that.

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wow sometimes I read these and think this can’t be real…
Sorry but going to be blunt here…
He actually lived in that filth and did nothing about it???
yes she didn’t clean but neither did he…
So I’m gonna say he was quite happy to live with maggots and is quite happy to leave his children in that state…

now as a parent yourself you know well and truly that is not an environment for children and you allow your step children to live in that mess with their mother who according to this story does not look after her children?
Have you done something to help them? or does only your biological child matter?

if your story is correct and she still lives like this that is child abuse and you just sit back and allow it to happen…

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This is a LOT. 1st. He definitely is right about not bringing more into this mess than the 4 he has now :woozy_face: and those other 3 should be taken to a better home :pleading_face:. Those kids didn’t ask for that life…

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First, those are HIS kids too, can’t lay it all on the ex.

Second, it takes two to tango, if he doesn’t want to get you pregnant, he doesn’t want to get you pregnant, period.

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“It’s not their fault it’s their moms fault I know.” Wrong, ma’am. If that was his house and if those are his children, it’s his fault too. Sounds like he’s smart to not have anymore kids. This whole situation is wild lol.

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welp, you aren’t married, you most certainly have time to exit.

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First of all it’s not just the moms fault. He lived in that disgustingness too. Or at least knew she was with his kids. Second of all he has 4 kids! I think that is more than enough. If he doesn’t want to have a 5th kid it’s his choice.

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Ahhh, resentment, the foundation of every healthy relationship …

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Absolutely not!! I have 3 from a previous relationship and have 1 with my now hubby, he wants more so I’ve really considered that for him. 5 kids is a lot to think about, maybe he’s nervous about having 5 kid’s. Biological his.

Maybe fight to look after the other kids if she is as bad as you say. Or help her out more. Its your boyfriends kids ffs.

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His “wife”, so he isn’t divorced yet??

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I didn’t read it past you are with a married man. Sorry.

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Okay the bigger question is why are you not pushing the dad to do something about the environment the kids he already has are being raised in? I completely understand wanting more children of your own but you really need to step up to being a step mom and care for his children as much as you care for your own. You may not be “mom” but you’re a care giver for them. You’re in their lives learning about them and learning to love them like your own. You both should be filing through the court and calling CPS if they’re growing up in those conditions. As another step mom I’m just sort of baffled that you’d just stand by and complain about not having another child of your own when kids that are supposed to looked at as your “children” to you are in that situation.

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I wouldn’t keep having children with man who wasn’t married to me.

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There’s always two sides to every story… Those are his children as well, therefore, it was just as much his responsibility to keep the house clean. Just because she didn’t have a job, doesn’t mean that it was her sole responsibility to take care of the house and such. Have you ever been a stay at home mom? I’ve done both, and I will flat out say that sahm do not get the credit they deserve. Now, with that being said, that living situation obviously needed addressed because no child should have to live in that. Soooooo I agree with him. It truly doesn’t sound like another child needs to be brought into the mess.

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HE now has FOUR kids. If you want more, find another :man:!!! :roll_eyes:🤦

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Wait you went there while they were still together?? :eyes:

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Um. He’s still married. I’d be leaving that relationship. If he cheats with you he’ll cheat on you.

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Just my opinion but please have just the one for now. If you end up going your separate ways he doesn’t sound very dependable . Just my opinion.

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He’s got 4 kids, if he don’t want anymore that’s good on his part!

And his other 3 are his fault as well for behavior. If she was that nasty he had grounds for full custody. And can turn things around for those kids.

And you first saw the house that gross and he was living in it to. He could have cleaned it and kicked her out.

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Why is the state of the house entirely her fault? He knew there was shit on the floor and left it there? For months? Knowing how sick it could make HIS children? Sounds like those kids have 3 crappy parents.

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So you met him when he was with his wife? You need to do some work on yourself lovely, maybe not falling for the old it’s all her fault line might be a start.

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It’s also his responsibility to care for the kids if she is unfit and doesn’t care for them he should be taking the kids out of that house. Maybe help him try and get his kids taken care of before trying to coerce him I to having another or find someone else who is in a situation where they are ready to have kids and let him focus on getting himself and his kids set. Why would you feel comfortable having a kid with someone who isn’t taking care of the kids he already has

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You worried about having more children but not be a wife??? He already have children and you knew this, what more do you want? PLUS do me a favor, NEVER speak I’ll about the ex. Everything have a story a story that you don’t know about and why things happens the way it happens. Stay in your lane and take care of your child. Your boyfriend already have a lot on his plate to take care of.

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You are not wrong for wanting more kids but he also isn’t wrong for not wanting more. Also if when you went there they were still together even if the mother wasn’t doing things to clean up he should have been doing it. It also his responsibility and maybe he realizes he can’t handle it. If you really want more then find someone else to have them with if he doesn’t want more. If that’s a deal breaker for you.

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Wife??? And you both have a 1 yr old together? You have been to his home ? He did nothing to get his kids to a save living :thinking: and u want more with him?? Honey I’d pack n run :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Why would you want more children with a man that finds all that acceptable for his other 3 children? Or isn’t fighting to give them a better life?

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This post makes me sick on so many levels. All the way around-

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I wouldn’t be having any more kids with out being married.

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He lived there too. He let his children live that way just as much as her​:woman_shrugging::woman_facepalming:and you met him while he was with her and went to their house​:roll_eyes:girl please! You should of ran

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The house you visited that HE lived in with his WIFE while they were still together was disgusting and you have the audacity to put all that blame on the wife?? :joy::sweat_smile: get real. He doesn’t want more kids obviously stop blaming the wife/ ex wife :laughing:

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.I stopped reading after the first couple sentences… why the hell were you in their home while they were married living together!!!

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Wait their house was that nasty and HE didn’t clean it? He just let it pile up too. He just as guilty. Don’t blame it all on her. :woman_shrugging:

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Okay one. You said his WIFE. Is he still married?
And you mentioned being in his home while they were still together. Why ?

It takes two to tango :woman_shrugging:t2: she can’t be held FULLY responsible

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You picked him.sounds like he is comfortable with his kids being filthy. Yuck

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Some thing very wrong with this picture.If you seen all of this in his house why den;t you report it to CPA children have no voice adults have to be there voice i am sorry but you did not do justice to those kids by closing your eyes to the fact ,ya get real ’

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I hate when the new girlfriend acts like she knows so much about her mans ex. Gimme a break and quit drinking the koolaid. Its not all her fault if what you say is even true. And why would you want to have a kid with someone you have to beg? Clearly he doesnt want to father your child so dont bring a kid into the world knowing his dad doesnt want him. Geeze selfish much???

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Your wrong for kicking that woman’s back in and calling her a terrible person. Sounds like he is still married to her so what does that make you? You should reevaluate this idea of family because sounds like you are trying to assassinate this woman’s character. The entire thread was about her. Audacity must be half off again this month. Also I’m confused about placing all the blame on the mother. If the dad saw all of that going on outside of being deployed why didn’t he make provisions for his children?

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Wow. You act like as as a father none of that is his responsibility too. He could have cleaned and cared for the children as well. It takes 2. Besides, why were in their home while he was still with her? Is he still married? What is wrong with you?

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I’d be working my ass off to get those kids out of her house. He has to take some responsibility in that trashy living space as that’s how the kids are being raised and he’s not doing anything to change it, that’s being compliant in her actions.

He isn’t wrong either. He has 4 kids. He’s allowed to not want more

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If he allowed that and LIVED in that he’s as nasty as the ex wife is! DISGUSTING! and you want to have more kids with him? Yuck!

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The behavior falls on both parents. If he cared he would fight for sole custody and take care of them. It’s not all the ex wife’s fault. You might want to think 2 twice about your relationship.

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You guys already have 4 kids. Either accept that he doesn’t want more or go find someone else. In the mean time try to occupy yourself with other stuff….

OP, come back and tell us whether or not this is a married man and whether or not you were going to a married man’s house to see him while he and his wife were still living together!

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This sounds like a little girl wrote this

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The whole post is :nauseated_face::nauseated_face::nauseated_face:

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I don’t see what your boyfriend’s ex-partner has to do with this situation, he doesn’t want any more children, period, not because of what he lived with the ex, with whom he didn’t stop with a son if not with three children, even with its form, I also do not see the relevant in this situation to mention that you went to their house even when they lived together, how disrespectful, both for the other person and for yourself, also criticism that there was dog feces for three months but your current partner He also lived in that house and did not clean it, if you want more children, it will have to be with someone else because you cannot force it.

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Fuck what you want, what he wants, what she wants and what has happened on why you two are even together, SOMEONE needs to think about those KIDS!! Why bring more into this world when those 3 are already suffering :flushed: I get wanting more kids but there is a time and a place.

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Ok, why were you at his house when they were still together?

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This post messy as hell :weary: and honestly if this man married you deserve everything you have coming :woman_facepalming:t2: like are they still married because you said previous marriage then said his wife :thinking: sounds like you’re the side piece that house is his quiet clean place that’s why he’s their :woman_shrugging:t2: and this post also make you look obsessed with the wife :zipper_mouth_face:

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Idk what the ex has to do with anything. If he doesn’t want more he doesn’t want them. He has 4 kids what’s wrong with him not wanting more. It’s not his fault you want biological kids and can’t just accept the 3 he has and say okay 4 kids is enough. The fact you have to state bio kids is kind of immature and shows you don’t need to be with someone who has previous kids. And stating it’s not your fault he had kids with someone else tbh that’s not your business he was married so why not
Have kids. Best advice go to therapy and grow up. If you can’t see his kids as yours then there is no point. The kids would always know your bio kid is more important than the rest of them. In my house we are a blended family with me having a previous son from my marriage and if my boyfriend ever said the crap you did I’d take both kids and leave his ass.

What were you doing at his house when they were still together???

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Yeah I think he played a role in the neglect of his children. Don’t be that person who blames everything on the ex wife. Not smart.

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So it comes down to this. Do you love him enough to give that up?? Or is it too important to you?? If it is then the best thing to do would be go your seperate ways and find someone that has the same mindset as you in that aspect. You cant force someone to want more children.

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He lived in that house. No matter who y’all believe was responsible to clean it he lived in those situations and allowed his kids to live like that without cleaning.

Also…. Wife… boyfriend. Sounds fishy.

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This guy sounds like a real winner. He lived in that filth and he let his kids live that way. And then he got “someone” pregnant without marrying her. Wake up and run.

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First time you went to his house as the side piece, you seen dog shit dried to the floor?
And you didn’t run?lol
Nor called cps for dangerous environment?? Was your man worth more then the kids safety??
Cuz he WAS home then…so why didn’t HE clean the house? He’s ok with shit on the floor?
Why doesn’t he teach his kids that you do NOT put garbage on the ground? Kids are bad for that period,mine tried it, til you teach em. They dumb. Never assume they know how to do things til you’ve taught them and remember with kids they need constant reminders lol
But ya…he’s got 4 kids…that he doesnt really do much about. Seems whatever the female is willing to do, he’s cool with. otherwise he’d have picked up the dog shit🤷
I’m not sure HOW ANYONE can live in a house, with dog shit dried on the floor, and blame the other person for it. You live there to? Why didnt you clean it up?
Maybe the ex was depressed…cuz her man was a douche…not helping much with the kids,house, emotional state…etc so it became to much for her🤷…and instead of helping her, her man didn’t care and let the house go gross…THEN brought a side piece into the pig pen and blamed not himself, even tho he lived there…lol
I mean we can blame the lady for things …but end of the day…your “man” lived in that house to…he couldn’t have cleaned?? He to good for that?lol
But ya…
If he’s done having kids. He’s done. Honor that.
He’s already got 4 he doesn’t already seen to care much about…kids are only as good as mom makes em apparently.

Baby it says a lot about you that that’s your man

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I’m curious why you’re saying he has three kids to his previous marriage and at their marital home you’re saying it’s all completely her fault that things were taken care of…so you’re telling me he couldn’t clean up the food or treat the children that are his own for lice etc. or am I missing something?

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No your not wrong for that and it’s his fault too those are just as much his kids as they are hers.

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So,you know he doesnt want any more kids.Sounds like you aren’t encouraging him to get custody of his children.Why would you want any more children with a man who seems to not want to take care of his children now?I would pack up and leave and tell little boy,I’m done.

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I would say he’s the smart one for not wanting more kids.

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His past marriage and those conditions are a reflection of him as well, not just the mom. In fact, I feel bad for her and you. I’d move along while you can, aka no marriage no commitment. In my opinion, he sounds like the issue honestly. Wanting more kids is a make or break you will see in the long run. This time, try not to find a married man though ….

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This is just stupid
First of all why were you up at his house WHILE he was married?
Why you having kids with a deadbeat WHILE he’s STILL MARRIED?
Yes I called him a deadbeat and so are you
You BOTH see his children living in squalor being neglected but CHOOSE not to do shit about it
You, him, and HIS WIFE shouldn’t have custody of any fucking kids
HE fucked his own kids up just as much as their mother for not stepping in and helping them

The fact that he lets his other children live in filth like that - shows his true character. Why would you want his baby? I’d be running as fast as I could …. Or be calling child services

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He is actually looking out for himself . If he says yes to second kid with you and tomorrow you break up he would have to pay child support for 5 kids, where it is 4 now :slightly_smiling_face:
Maybe have him sign an agreement that you wouldn’t ask for child support if things don’t work out later , maybe then he would agree :woman_shrugging:

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Slamming insults at him about hes past/current situation will NOT make him change he’s mind about more kids…ur just proven hes point towards hes feelings…BTW FYI…HES BODY HES CHOICE
…no means No

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You might only have the one child but he has FOUR, 3 he doesnt look after, why arent the two of you sorting the lives of his first 3 children out, why are they allowed to live in such squalor, that would upset me so much and WHY are you wanting more children with a MARRIED man??

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You’re not wrong for wanting another child but you’re wrong for soully judging his ex wife. Like they’re his kids too, equally his responsibility. If he was living there when you were around, he also didn’t pick the dogshit up or clean the maggots, or teach them to put their trash in the bin or delousing the kids. Also you can’t force him into having another child with you, and if you were to purposely get pregnant without his consent that’s a dog move. If you feel that strongly about it have more conversations with your partner or find someone who’s ideals align more with yours.

Why are you dating a man that wouldn’t clean the dog poop off the floor for months ?! He’s as dirty as she is and just as much to blame for them being dirty and the house being dirty . Theyre his kids ! And you went to his house when he was in a relationship ? Whatever happens is what you deserve. If you are with him his kids are now yours too . Why would you have a second with a deadbeat :rofl:

Read your post & ask yourself why you want anything with this loser…

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You can’t just blame her. He is their father. If those kids aren’t being taken care of at their mothers house why has he not stepped in and done something about it. It’s just as much his fault as it is hers. The house was disgusting and they were still together means he lived in those conditions as well and didn’t seem to have a problem with it. So you can not blame it all on her.
You’ve been together 3 years, aren’t married and you’re trying to force him into having another child with you? He’s already got 4 children. Did it occur to you he doesn’t want a 5th child? He’s obviously not taking care of his first 3 so why you’d be trying to force him to have another with you is beyond me.

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If those kids are in that situation why are you not encouraging him to gain custodial rights for those children? Should probably think about that before another kid.

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You could have avoided talking shit about his kids mom :woman_facepalming:t2:

You need to read over your own post and think about it.
He lived in the filthy conditions you mention and was okay doing so. Or he would have cleaned it up himself. Its a great thing he has realized its best not to bring another child in this world. As clearly he is unable to raise the 4 he already has.
The father doesn’t seem to be playing a positive role in his kids upbringing. So stop bashing the mother!!! Be a decent human being and help your significant other parent the children he already has.

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If I went into his house looking like that…I would of said, ok bye. Called CPS And that would be the end. How sad for those poor kids.

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