If it’s that bad someone needs to report it to children’s services right away. I can’t believe he lets his kids live there. He is just as unfit as she is if he lets that happen to his kids. You really want to have another baby with him when he doesn’t care about the three he already had before you were with him?
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How about see if he wants you first the way he wanted her so MARRY and there’s all your answers and also baby dads make up crap about baby mamas soooo yeah
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Oh my gosh, poor children! They are that way probably because they are being neglected by what sounds like both of their parents! It’s not wrong to want another child but it sounds like the wrong time to think about another one right now when there are 3 children who need love, attention, and help. step up and be the mother these kids need. You have a child of your own and that’s great… just look on the positive side and please, help the other children… if your child was in a bad situation, you would want someone to love and help him. do that for these 3. And I know your BF was on deployment and I know personally the military takes away loved ones for a very long time but it sounds like he was around to know what was going on and to help his own children but it sounds like he didn’t… thats not good at all. Be careful with that. and I have no idea what you mean when you say you were in their house when they were still together… ???
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I’m all for the woman taking care of the kids while the husband is working, especially deployed. But like the others have said, they’ve had 3 kids… He obviously had time make 3 kids, so therefore the responsibility doesn’t just lie with her on how the house and kids were kept. 
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The first mistake is blaming everything on the mom. It sounds like he’s army of some sort so he probably wasn’t around much. BUT he obviously did nothing to help. Any kid will run wild if given the chance. If he doesn’t want anymore kids don’t push him. He might end up resenting you and the kid.
“Her” children? They’re his children too. And wtf would you want to raise a child with someone who allows his children to live like this? Unless it was just during deployment. He may see his children need him. If they have disciplinary issues he could be aware that they need him and it wouldn’t be the right time to have more children. Not saying "fix the one’s he has first " but something along those lines
My question is “How old are you? I ask because this post is very immature.
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Nope in my opinion. Your guy has plenty of responsibility taking care of his 4 children. Add more will not be good.
Wanting to have a kid isn’t wrong but you chose a man who already has kids. It’s also not wrong of him to not want more kids. That’s a decision to make together. If he doesn’t want one, sounds like you have to wait and see if he will ever be ready. There’s a chance that he won’t. You have to come to terms with that. You have always wanted 2 kids, but that didn’t take into consideration your future partner. Plans change.
It’s sounds like you’re mad at his ex wife because he doesn’t want anymore kids so you’re putting all the blame on her when clearly he didn’t do anything to help with the kids and let them live like that. Even if he was on deployment he clearly new what they house looked like and lived in the house looking like that if they had more kids together and didn’t do anything about it. You can’t just Blame her for how his kids act he had a part in it to and did nothing about it. You can’t blame her because he doesn’t want anymore kids. Also you went over the house why they were still together and didn’t say anything about it then so why bring it up now? It wasn’t a problem when you where over there with her husband so why is it a problem now? Because he doesn’t want more kids? But you looked past how those kids where living with you with hooking up with their dad? Stop being bitter towards the ex wife because he has nothing to do with her. He’s probably just making up excuses but he just doesn’t want more kids with you.
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Sounds like ex wife was overwhelmed and could’ve suffered and maybe not gotten over postpartum depression! Instead of bashing her maybe you should help her and communicate with her especially If your gonna stay with this man you could probably learn a lot about your bf from her also! I had step kids and would’ve never talked about them the way you have his kids! My step kids knew the rules and what was expected of them at our house and that it might’ve been different at their moms house. But I always communicated with their mom and it makes life so much better all around. As for your dream of having another child I would put that on hold awhile until you figure out the situation you are in first! I sincerely thank your bf for his services for our freedom! On the other hand though he don’t seem to be much of a stand up man for his own kids
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And why is this man not looking after his kids also? I wouldn’t want another kid with him if he can’t look after the ones he’s already got 
From the first line with yall being everywhere with everyone?
How many babies is he ALREADY neglecting
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Your not wrong for wanting anything. He just doesn’t share your vision.
As im on my 5th kid, I literally have 0 help from the 3rd baby daddy. I SAH now so my ex can work to help support me and he has helped me raise my baby daddies child when he refused to follow court orders. All I can say is, it deadass takes a village to raise kids. I understand you want more for yourself but come on, you have 3 kids from your dude that NEED HELP.
Do not get pregnant against his will…you will be giving him the perfect excuse to leave u…he doesnt want a child, respect hus wishes and move along 
Respect his decision of not wanting more.
There is no way in hell I would have had one child let alone two with him. And second how did you come in the picture? You were there before you two were together, who did you meet first? His ex or him? Can his ex comment on here? I need her side of the story too. You’re a mom and you let kids continue to live that way! WOW!!
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A 3 year old and a new baby would be perfect. Just wait a year
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No one is obligated to have another child that they don’t want to have just because you want another child. This sounds like a deal breaker.
Also, there’s a lot of other stuff to unpack here as well.
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You know it takes 2. If he as a father was happy with his kids living in basically a sh!thole then you need to question his parenting skills too! He has equal responsibility for those kids health safety and wellbeing. Why didn’t anyone help the mother? Why did nobody report this unhygienic household for those kids sake? They are purely being neglected by the mother the father and HATE to say this but you saw the state of the house and didn’t do anything? You want a kid with this man and you need to show you care about his other kids too! Personally I wouldn’t want a child with a man who neglects his kids 
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The fact that you’re even asking this question on FB is ridiculous.
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He lived there too. That was his filth, those are his lice he’s letting live on their heads too. This is one of those out it all on mom things and have no accountability to him. Do yourself a favor, don’t have anymore with him either. Doesn’t seem likes much help to the first batch.
You’re not wrong for wanting what you want. Has he told you why he doesn’t want kids? I mean, I always saw myself as a wife with children and a family life. Here I am rocking the single mom with no family life. Everyone has dreams and paint an entire picture of how they see their life and how they want it to be. Your have to make sure you find a partner who has also painted that same picture for his/her wants and dreams in life. Since that’s pretty much rare to impossible, you have to compromise and find your best match through that. In the world we live today, I, personally, think it’s stupid and selfish for anyone to have children.
My boyfriend had 2 when we got together and I had 1, he was 30 & I was 19 and he told me from the beginning he didn’t want more, now we have a 7 month old. If it’s meant to happen it’ll happen
Three adults stepping over dog poop and none of them wanna clean ot up?
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Right. Thank god other people pointed out that he didnt do shit to make their environment better…tbh, I say throw him out…I don’t give a shit how terrible she is…he let his kids live that way
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Wow . You seem to be putting all the blame on the lady , what was your “man” doing while the dog shit and maggots were there ? You went to their home and now y’all are together?? You seem to be throwing a lot of shade and not giving us the whole backstory
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Ew you lost me at “first time I went to their house they were still together” 
all of y’all sound shady.
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Doesn’t sound like he wanted the first 3. My husband would never allow my children to live like that.
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First, the kids did it right in front of him. He as their dad, should have said something. It’s not just her job. And if the house was that messy while he was still with her, some fault also lies with him. You cannot blame just the mom. They are both to blame. Period. He already has 4 kids. You want to make him have 5. Secondly, he has 3 kids with her and they were married. It is not just some girl. If that is your way of thinking, them the same can be said about you. Except it’s facts that you are just some girl he did get pregnant if you are not married to him. You’re just some girl he got pregnant. First time you went to his house, they were still together. You are just some girl he got pregnant. The mom was his wife. And your child is only 1. Give it time. Sounds like those kids need help before you or him even think about bringing another child into this world. He allowed his kids to live.in that mess. Fault lies with him and not just the mom.
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You’re entitled to wanting more just as he’s entitled to not wanting more. You should never try to convince someone to have a kid with you. Either they want it or don’t. In situations like this you have to make one or two decisions, leave and get what you want or give up wanting another kid.
Also remember getting pregnant again isn’t always guaranteed.
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He’s allowed to not want kids. He’s allowed to say no. If you aren’t OK with that then…sorry
The past doesn’t have to matter here. Focus on the now.
How is it all her fault when he was living there too when the house was disgusting? Seems like he’s not the best father either
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Maybe you should put that on hold and you and him both step up to raise those kids when you are with someone with kids it’s a package deal not just his or hers … your not wrong for wanting your own but from the sound of it his kids need step up parents and not just a single mom raising them
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…to be fair he could’ve done something about the awful conditions his kids were living in when he was there…
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You’re not wrong for that.
Why you wanna have TWO kids with a dude that let his last set of kids live like that and be ok with it, moving in to set up house with you? Dummy.
You think his kids are bad.
75% of this post was you dragging his ex.
It sounds like you want to have a family with him but don’t consider his biological children as being a part of your life. It also sounds like you are wanting a barrier to act as a wedge between the life he has now with you and the life he has with his own children.
Nah sis, don’t have his kids. He doesn’t deserve what you’re going to want to put him through. Let the man love his kids and love yours if you let him, but you seem to think that by having his kid you’re going to force him to remove himself from his other family.
That’s very sociopath of you. You asked.
Red Flags all over this post!!! 
Yall on drugs? Must be for this nonsense
Mom and dad are both shit bags.
She sounds depressed or mentally ill. Offer help first. Be kind.
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Get him out of your life before he does the same thing to you.
This guy has had 3 kids with another woman and seems to be happy to let those children live in unliveable conditions. Most men who consider themselves a good Dad would intervene and ensure his children were cared for and if that meant him going for custody then by all means.
Now you want to have another child with said man? Really when he doesn’t seem able to care for the children he has already fathered.
I think the both of you should be having a long discussion about the most important factor here, his children that he already has.
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So instead of teaching his kids, he just chops it up and blames the mom. Those kids have 2 parents. Also, why were you even at his house when he was still married?
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There’s a lot to breakdown here. First of all, yes his ex as a stay at home mom should have been doing the house work but he lived there too and just let his kids and himself live in that filth which is a red flag. But also he has stated that he does not want more kids and you need to respect that. If it’s a deal breaker then it’s a dealbreaker and you need to move on
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He needs to step up and look after the kids he does have if their mother isn’t providing for them. He is also to blame for not intervening earlier and it surmounting this badly. Why isn’t he making his children he already has a priority?
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When he lived there it won’t hurt for him to also help clean up. Apparently he don’t care. If he did he would do something about it. He is there father!! Why would u be going there while he was still married and with her and if you did and u seen that mess already you should have left him alone a while ago before bringing a baby into this relationship! Maybe the mom has something emotional going on and maybe if he was with you while he was married to her then he cheated on her. Maybe she hurts from it all still and at this moment don’t care and feels resentful towards him. Maybe he needs to help her out cause it’s obvious she needs help. This dude needs to step up and be a daddy to the other children also. And see if the ex wife needs help with anything specifically with HIS children. Don’t think this is all her fault just cause she’s a stay at home mom.
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When you married this man, you agreed to be the mom of his existing children. Before trying to have more children, be a mom to the children you have. When a woman agrees to be a step-mom, she is there for the whole family, not to be the mean lady dad married. If you can’t find the unconditional love in your heart to mother your other three children, then DO NOT remain their stepmother. The children deserve better than that.
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So the way the children behave falls solely on the mom? Even though dad was still there 
.
By the sounds of it you a home wrecker yourself. Sooooo
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Lady let me be the one to call you out here…Was this a ex wife bashing post because that’s what I got. You want a kid he doesn’t want one. Either accept his decision or move on and find someone who wants the same thing as you and stop bashing ex’s. It doesn’t earn you extra credit. I know a situation like this and the woman bashes the ex but the man doesn’t want to have a kid with the current gf because he doesn’t want to wife the current gf. He’s said it but she doesn’t quite get it
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You’re not wrong for wantin more children. But the living conditions of these kids sounds like action needs to be taken.
There are three responsible adults involved in this now. The mom who clearly doesn’t care, the father who is just blaming the Mom and should step up, and then you… who is aware of these living conditions and does nothing about it.
Call children protection services. Have them placed in your custody immediately. Then… you’ll have 3 more kids.
If you are aware of this problem and don’t fix it… you become the problem as well.
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First you messed with a married man what ever karma gives you its deserved.
Second 2 adults lived in that nasty home. His children lived in that because he allowed it to happen.
Read the red flags you dont need another one
And dont be shocked when he brings yet another woman home as he did to his wife.
#HomeWrecker
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So the house responsibility is just hers? And I’m sorry but if my kid was ever in the situation at home I would not return them to the other parent and report them to social services, does he think its okay to leave his kids in that situation? No way would I be having a child with him, man needs some sense knocked into him
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So you went to his house where he lived, there was dog shit stuck to the carpet and the house was disgusting, but you solely blame the ex-wife? You realize he lived there and did NOTHING to change his childrens living situation right? You were coming to his house while he was still married so was he messing around with you while he was still married, it’s seems so. If so you shouldn’t be judging her for cheating when he/you were doing the same. You all sound like a hot mess, the last thing y’all need to be concerned about is another child, worry about the ones y’all already have between the two of you.
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When not on deployment did he clean house / help with kids or just blame her?
Run.
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No but he doesn’t want anymore so stop pressuring him and find someone else. Also him and his ex were scumbags not just HER. He lived like that too. He could’ve picked up after HIS kids and cleaned the dog shit and the fridge. You sound absolutely ridiculous blaming that on her and her alone.
Well he shouldn’t have anymore children until he can step up with these children. He let them live in filth, and we know that Bc you went the first time to his home and there was poop stuck for months,and maggots, Bc he didn’t get his children medical care after having lice for an extended period of time, Bc he hasn’t taught them any better at all. He isn’t any better of a parent than the mom. Also it doesn’t sound like your onboard with being a blended family with his older children which is a problem. His children aren’t bad the just had bad raising, they don’t know better Bc no one taught them and now they have to unlearn everything they know.
So instead of him cleaning up the habitat for his kids he was already brining a new girl in the house 
obviously he didn’t care that company saw how he and his kids lived. Yall are pathetic try concentrating on the dam kids yall have right now before even thinking about brining in more.
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If he lived with her and the house looked like that what makes you think having kids with him at all is a good idea? Keeping up a household and taking care of kids regardless of having a parent full time at home is still a 2 person job.
You should also probably try to get the older kids and not just the 1 yr old.
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I’m just trying to figure out how you think this is all moms fault? He lived there. He helped parent those children their whole lives. How is this all put on mom?
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You seem to be ripping that Mom apart pretty hard. And neglecting to mention that this deadbeat father, as it sounds like it doesn’t care what happens to his children. I dump his ass and move on with my life. You think he’s going to treat you in the kids any better? When he treats his other kids like they’re nothing. Move on lady
Sounds to me like you’re being selfish.
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The way you got him is the way you lose him. As a karma witch I can’t wait to see how your relationship goes 
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Its not your fault he got his wife pregnant and neither of them cared to actually raise THEIR CHILDREN. But it is his fault that he’s an obviously bad father to those 3 kids. Its his fault his children are living in these conditions then and now if they still are thats on him and you as the step mother. What kind of woman thinks like this? Im just confused as to why you’re describing what a shitty father and cheating husband/boyfriend you have but then acting like he’s some great amazing guy and his ex wife is to blame for everything to do with their kids. A good would have helped his wife when she was having trouble keeping up with the house work and kids. Stop saying these nasty things like your man was so great lol. Be sounds less than amazing and your a fool to even think he himself should be having a 5th child. With you or anyone else. He doesn’t take care of his older 3 kids as it is. Reading this post I just couldn’t even believe how fu@king ridiculous you sound. Like he shouldn’t clean his house or kids or discipline him thats all on their mother while he lived there too. And why were you at their house when they were still together. Thats pretty ballsy don’t you think? He clearly didn’t care that ppl saw whatnthe house looked like. Hes not wrong for not wanting another kid. He doesn’t need to father anymore kids until he takes care of them. What on earth makes you think its all only a woman’s job? No, if both parents are there its both of their job. He lived there too. They were married he should’ve picked up the slack when she going through a hard time. Your man ain’t that great. Hes telling you over and over he doesn’t want to financially, emotionally, or physically support anymore children. He knows he can’t. He doesn’t have to have another child with you. You’re a girlfriend he cheated on his wife with, tbh he probably wasn’t happy about you getting pregnant the first time because he isn’t a good dad to the kids he has, I’m sure he didnt want a 4th just the same as he doesn’t want a 5th. Stop acting like he owes you another child. You’re not married. Idk why you would even get with a man like that to begin with.
Regardless if he was deployed, at home or wherever the house responsibilities lays on the both of them. The fault is the both of theirs not just solely said persons. He lived there too. To think it’s okay to have a “ guest” over in those living conditions says a lot about his character. Parenting is NORMALLY a two person responsibility meaning the mother and father not just the mother, they’re both to blame. Maybe he realizes all this and that’s why he doesn’t want another child. If your wants and needs are different than his then maybe it’s time to move on or compromise. Either way the history of the ex is irrelevant if not taking further action to help the children’s living conditions!
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Sounds like he was lazy and excited his ex to do absolutely everything. He lived in that filth with her and didn’t get up and do anything about it. Those ate his kids and he didn’t raise them right. It’s not all the moms fault. Sounds like you don’t like his ex very much if your placing all the blame on her. I hope you like doing everything when it comes to the house and kid because he didn’t do anything before so he’s probably not going to do anything now.
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You should see the red flag. He was still with his wife when you come into the picture He’ll also do the same to you What goes around comes around. Good luck with the red flag and you messed with a married man Not just a boyfriend.and it seemed that he didn’t do anything around the house either.
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If he’s had a bad experience he may be traumatized lol. Maybe counseling and compromise? If not then you need to decide whether to be okay with no more kids or leave
Ummmm… he is to blame for this just as much as she is.
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Does no one read full posts? Only the parts they want to lol she’s being jumped on for the married man but the WIFE was sleeping with his brother so she’s no victim here the one year old child is this woman’s child WITH him that’s why she has that child and not the other 3. You are all just adding your own bits of information here lol. Regardless of all that my advice would be to be grateful for the child he has given you considering there are women out there with none!
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Damn you a home wrecker and a mom basher and a control freak ,
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So you messed with a married man, your literally talking horrible about his children and upset that you don’t have a second child. You are a disaster. 
this is not step mother material to begin with:woman_shrugging:
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So…
It’s her fault?? Where is he? Why isn’t he doing better by them? Is he unable to clean or wash their hair with lice shampoo?
I think you’re gunna find he’s just as bad. Irresponsible
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Sounds like y’all need to get custody of those kids. And cps should be involved if the house is like that. How have you not reported this? Worry about the children that are around now before making more.
Were you friends with him or the wife before they split up? Why were you at/in their home before the split? Were you sleeping with him while they were still married?
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I see where you are coming from as far as wanting more kids bc that is how you pictured your life. However you have to take in account his feelings of it too and if later on down the road he will resent you for it and such. You’ve gotta decide if you can live and be with him knowing he doesn’t want more kids and accepting and being happy with what y’all have and make it work or is this something that is a deal breaker for you? If it is, spare the man and break it off instead of hoping he’d change his mind and if you “accidentally” became pregnant again, worrying if he “regrets” it etc. hope you can figure it out momma!! Have a great day!!!
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The fact that you think you have any right or deserve to have another child with this poor excuse for a father concerns me. The world is overpopulated and there are hundreds of thousands of children in need of adoption. If you were as concerned about his other 3 children, as you obviously are about the one you already have, you would bring HIS kids into your lives and be a mother of four INSTANTLY!
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She said she went into his house not that they were together. She could have been friends with him, coworker, or several other things. He is just to blame for how his kids were raised and how disgusting the house is, I’m not sure why you’re saying it’s only her?? No he sounds unfit to be a father of 4 kids let alone 5! And yes CPS should be called.
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Where was he when the house was filthy…? His existing children are deserving of better.
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Its pretty gross that u bashing this clearly very depressed woman and bashing his KIDS like they just a lost cause. How about you prove your worth if ur such a fucken angel by being a better mom to the already existing kids and maybe he will want more with you. I wouldnt have kids with a control freak who bashes my other kids either yuu sound terrible
And i see a pattern here of total lack of personal accountability. “Its all the ex wifes fault” and in ur comment abt ur first marriage it was “all his fault and his fault alone” u sound like a basket case
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He is just as much a slob as the mother is. It’s not just the woman’s role and responsibility to keep the house clean. If his kids are “bad” he is just as responsibile, and you are in for a rude awakening.
You were in his and his wife’s house, why?? Is he the cheater, and you’re the homewrecker? I’m a single mom of 3, and I take care of everything in the household and my children. But, you can’t put all the blame on her! He may have been deployed, but he was home sometimes. I know because my brother was deployed. And when he wasn’t home, he was in contact every day, by video chat. He knew what was going on! You just sound like the bitter girlfriend. I hope when you’re a single mom, that you can handle your household alone. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you I know, I know. She didn’t say he cheated on the wife:rofl: But why else would you be in his wife’s house? Tell the whole, real story! Not just the one that makes you look good.
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Be greatly for the kid you have now, sounds like the other girl has major depression right now. If you love this man and want a future with him your going to have to first open your eyes. She isn’t the only person to blame! She cheated yes and that’s not ok. But he seen the fact the house and kids were a mess and you also seen this. My advice would be to you to be the bigger person and help her out, maybe offer to help clean the house or give her a day off without kids. Try and talk with her about the living situation and it not being healthy for the kids. Try and help her girl I’m telling you depression it written all over her face if you look close enough. It’s hard being married to someone in the service girl it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Help her for the kids. Sounds like she needs help asap. Now with said boyfriend you need to get him in check as well it’s not ok for him to be allowing his kids to live like that and him not trying to help his kids. I don’t excuse what she sid to him. You need to put having more kids on hold until he gets his life together to. If you love him and want a future help him help hisself. And stop allowing him to be lazy. I’m honored he serving our country but doesn’t allow him to be a crappy dad when he home.
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Don’t try to have a child with someone who doesn’t want a child…
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So he has no responsibility in the raising of his other children?
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Have another kid:tipping_hand_woman:Your not even Married to him.
He have enough kids.
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I’m confused, why hasn’t CPS been called and why does mom have custody??
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Why doesn’t he have custody of his kids? That’s the real big question here. Seems he just doesn’t want the responsibility of being a dad
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He doesn’t want kids because of how his X raises their kids, he doesn’t want kids because HE DOESN’T WANT MORE KIDS!
And if you go and get pregnant anyway because you think he’ll “come around” just…… don’t fucking do that. There’s too many unwanted children in this world being raised without fathers. Not that they NEED fathers, but this society isn’t set up to fully support single moms and treats them terribly. Adopt if you must and if you can afford.
Ignore 90% of the posts that are here. People only read what you want. While I can understand wanted more children of your own, it sounds like his other children are in dire need of a good, loving, clean home. Why not get them living with yall and go from there? Those kids don’t deserve to live like that either. Open your heart to them and they might just fill the void you are feeling. But of luck to you and those babies
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It don’t sit well when the new girl talks about how shity of a wife and mother she was you weren’t married to her. Let your man talk about her
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Do you not have custody of those three kids? If it was that bad we’d have custody. Then having four kids in a house ain’t no way you’d want to add a fifth.
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Shirley Hamilton i read the entire post, i am not for ANYONE in this ENTIRE SITUATION cuz they all trash in my opinion…
NO ONE SEEMS TO BE TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY!
Wife is trash for the shit she did. She is on a whole other level for her shit and doesnt deserve to have those kids in her damn custody.
Dad is trash for still letting those kids be in that environment and not trying to change shit. Sounds like hes given up she said and i quote “he doesnt want anymore because of how bad his kids are” uhh what?? They need love, support and a better home environment. Its been 3 years if it was so gawddamn bad dad should’ve taken them so hes trash.
Girlfriend is trash for just bashing mom and thinking another baby is gonna help said situation and not thinking of the 3 already living. Also trash for how she spoke to him, guilt tripping him. Also not trying to steer her boyfriend to get his kids…
Theyre all trash and those kids deserve better smh. There needs to be accountability and responsibility in this entire situation.
Yet he got her pregnant 3x 
girl grab your baby and go LOL
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Listen I’m with someone that blame everything one the mother of his children as we speak its not just the mother’s fault that his children are so bad for one the mother isn’t the only parent they have and for… two he should have stepped up and been afather and husband and said something to his wife about how the house looked and cleaned his house… and for three you said when you guys got together he was still with her so pretty much you was the side chick the would do what his wife wouldn’t do for him just think he cheated to be with you so what makes you think he wouldn’t cheat on you and you are wrong in every way
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I have 4 and it’s not the easy in no way and you just said he doesn’t want anymore kids so don’t have anymore or leave him for someone that wants kids and doesn’t have anyone
Wow. Seems like responsibility left this one behind. Why not help rear those kids instead of putting them down. Why have another kid when he wont help rear the other three he has. This post is selfish.
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Is it his word…get the facts,he is not without blame
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