My boyfriend hasn't told his mom about me: Advice?

My boyfriend is 6 yrs younger than me and hasn’t told his mom about us. I have two boys. He has none. We’ve been dating for eight months already. It saddens me to think that he really doesn’t want to be with me, or am I overreacting? He gets along with my boys as well, and that’s something I like, but I do get sad sometimes thinking about the fact he doesn’t want to tell his mom yet he has already told me his mom won’t have a problem with the age gap. But will feel some type of way about me having kids.

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Sounds like a kid who wants a woman to take care of him like his mother had only with the added benefits of erhem… need I say more?

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If he’s not mature enough to handle mommy he’s not mature enough to be a step daddy. Find a man dear.

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Can I ask the ages please? Because she is definitely just a number but then again I think it’s the age you you meet at the time may be a good point to get across. Like is he 20 and you 26 or is he 16 and are you 22? Because that as a parent would be my only concern about my child being with someone 6 years older

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He prolly doesn’t want to tell his mom because he has at least 1 other girlfriend.

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I’d personally never expose my kids to someone before i knew them enough to the point were i knew they had the best intentions for my kids and myself…
it sounds like he isn’t the one she should bring around her kids just yet… if he cant tell his family about you… then that’s when i close the book on that chapter… cause he is hiding you for a reason…

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Like some one else said what’s the ages? If you’re talking about a younger guy like in his teens/early 20’s he might not be mature enough for you. Remember lots of people say guys mature slower than girls. Could be your third child

He’s not ready to see a future with you, doesn’t mean he won’t eventually but 8 months isn’t that long to decide if someone’s staying in your future.

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Shouldnt be with him if he is afraid to introduce you and your children. His mom will always be his no 1 and an influence on him. Imagine if ye stay together and ye hav children together…she will favour his children bur not yours…can you imagine how yoyr children will feel…ignored, left out, presents for the others and not for them and on it goes. Your children will suffer more than you, and it will hurt you and cause relationship problems and prob you become a single mom again to 3,4, or more children. Is that what you really want for your future. Exit stage left…

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He’s not mature enough hon.

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He’s not serious about you

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8 months seems like enough time to tell his mom. How old is he?

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He might have a history of getting with women and it doesn’t work. There’s a reason he’s keeping this away from his mom. Maybe he doesn’t want to disappoint her. So he’s waiting. There’s no time limit

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He sounds very immature. My best advice is cut him loose. You need a man not another child.

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I had this same problem with my hubby I was a single mom with a four year old when we met. He was fresh out of military,no kids, and lived at home. It was a good year before he introduced me to his family. It caused problems for us because he refused to introduce me as his gf. But didn’t really see a future with me at the time he was only 25 at the time so age could possibly contribute as I was 27 going on 28 ready to settle down. Just sit down and ask him where he sees your future going and if he sees if there is any room there for you and your boys. If not then he needs to let you all go before your boys get too emotionally invested and makes it harder on everyone if that’s not what he really wants.

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Maybe he has another girlfriend that his mom already knows about…

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How old is he? Under 18? He is either too young for you, or not mature enough for you. Either way you should walk away…

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He’s not serious about you. 8 months is long enough to know what you want in terms of it being long term I don’t mean marriage and more kids but he should know by now if he’s hoping and planning to spend years with you. If he planned on a future with you at all he would want to introduce you to his family.

I’m going through the same exact thing right now. I’m a single mom of two kids and have been dating my boyfriend for almost 9 months and he still hasn’t either. I’m going off the fact that he got divorced shortly before we got together and so this is a big step. I wish I had advice for you, but just know you’re not alone and I know what you’re going through.

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That’s suspicious…

If it was me… I refuse to be a secret… I’d walk up in his mom’s place and introduce myself as her future daughter in law…

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Men are… from my personal experience always a few years behind women maturity wise… and he’s also actually younger! … he may have some growing up to do? But also… how old is he? Because if my son was like 18 and brought 24-25yr old woman home with 2 children… I would not be happy. Just saying

As a mother I wouldn’t be happy with my young child having a partner with kids. But if he’s not like say 25 or younger I don’t understand what the issue is!

Nope fucking almost a year in dude. No fucking way

It does kind of depend on the age here. If you’re both in your 30s, who gives a F. But if you’re something like 25 and he’s 19, his mom may not want a girl with kids getting him too sidetracked from his life at so early an age. It’s very hard nowadays to have a family/job/college and have time for all of those and as a mother she would be trying to look out for the best interests of her son.

I was in his position. My now husband gave me an ultimatum to tell my mother about him, our age gap and his kids. I told her. Everything has been smooth sailing. We are married with a child of our own. I wouldn’t change the way we started. :grin:

Maybe ask him? Maybe he is just scared of his family hurting you because of your kids. Understand that you have to communicate this to him s.ap. but yes 8 months for me is way too much. But just ask him. Good luck.

Don’t stress because I was 6 years older than my husband of 40 years now. My Mother told me I was robbing the cradle. Lol I had a daughter. So don’t let your emotions get the better of you. If you both care about each other it will be fine. Good Luck don’t stress. :blush:

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He’s probably scared of his mom and doesn’t want to deal with her reaction some Mother’s are really controlling even if their kids are grown. If he’s good to you and your kids enjoy each other’s company and have fun together with your kids.You don’t need her to approve of you right now. Let your relationship grow he knows his mom he well tell her when the time is right.

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If she raised him right you having kids already shouldn’t be a concern of hers. My sons bio dad is a deadbeat… and when I started dating my boyfriend he told his parents about me and told them I had a child. They were excited to possibly be grandparents and just told him to raise my son as if he were his own. My son now has a wonderful meemaw and papa, and a real man he can look up to and call dad. :heart: they all know I also don’t want any more kids and nobody cares, everyone is just so happy to have my son in their lives. As far as they’re concerned my boyfriend has a son and they have a grand baby :woman_shrugging:t2: children from previous relationships shouldn’t be an issue for anyone except a guy that isn’t ready to be a dad… if it is, she’s got some personal work to do and that’s not a you problem.

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MY opinion…love me…love my kids and vice versa…We had a blended family and we were happy with all 6 of them, he had 3,they were 6,-----5 and 3 mine were 5 and 2 and together we had one, both sets of our parents were fine with that arrangement and dearly loved all 6 of them…I wouldnt trade those years for anything in the world, If you love each other, never mind what others may think, you will never regret it

Perhaps he fears she will be judgemental about the age gap and you have children. She could put pressure on him to dump you. Or she might be a super anything goes type of person. Ask him?

6 years differents but doesn’t say how old he is? I have a man over 30 leave me because his mom said he shouldn’t be with me because I had a 3 year old. It really does depend on his age I mean if he’s a teenager I don’t think it’s gonna work.If he’s a man sit down and ask him and I a just until someone better comes along girl or am I really somebody you could be with in the long run.

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As a parent, I think you should wait. He may want to make sure it will work out before he lets his Mom get attached to her kids.snd her kids D’s get attached to his Mom.That is not unreasonable and the decision should be made together.

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I didn’t make it all the way through because once I got to the 8 month part I was like, well theres your answer hes smart and taking things slowly

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I didn’t tell my parents about my now husband having kids right away. I wouldn’t worry about it til about the year mark. Then it’s more serious and decisions need to be made about where the relationship is heading. It’s a lot to take in for a person. Instant grandkids is likely not how his mom imagined it unfolding. Time is of the essence. Be patient.

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Have you two sat down and really talked… communication is important…if he says he will get to it when he’s ready- ( he’s had plenty of time) - you call her and invite her for dinner…

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Mama’s boys are hard to deal with bcz they haven’t cut the umbilical cord! Contact her yourself! I certainly would and ask her straight up.

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Sometimes they rush to meet the family then it falls apart…he probably just being cautious…with his feelings…wait a year then start asking

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If he isnt ready to tell his mom yet, then let it be. It isnt up to you whether he tells his mom or not. If it hurts your feelings when he doesnt tell her, then you can express your feelings, but dont express your feelings in a way that implies you’re trying to force him into it. Women need to stop trying to change the man into something he isnt. He will tell her when hes ready. That is HIS mom, not yours, so dont rush into something that could ruin your relationship like calling her yourself and telling her.

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His family becomes your family so yes it is time to meet his mom! :hugs::four_leaf_clover:

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Lol. Be patient. He still had things to figure out. But addressing things in a understanding manner helps

I didnt tell my dad about my bf (currently pregnant with his kid) until almost 3 years. He wanted me to but I did it when I was ready too

A real man wouldn’t meet your kids but be too scared to tell his parents…
Leave.

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Age gap isnt a big deal… probably doesn’t want to hear it about your kids but honestly it’s not her concern. Ask him why he hasn’t said anything to her and that you’d like to meet her and see what he says

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So, he’s already met your kids, but won’t tell his mom about you? I’d figure that out or get out. That wouldn’t set right with me…

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He might wait untill he thinks you are the one I didnt met my boyfriends mom untill almost a year but shes been very welcoming

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My mom and family didn’t meet my boyfriend (now husband) until we had been together 8 month+. I didn’t want to bring anyone around until I was positive they were going to be around a long time. And we didn’t have kids involved.

If she can’t accept your children and he doesn’t tell her she’s wrong, it’s time for you to take your children and run!

More concern now your children are attached to him…walk away…sorry…but sounds strange to me

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Yeah… if a boy (I won’t call them a man) doesn’t scream from the rooftops that you’re his, kids included, he’s not really sure he wants to. Judgemental parents or not. What’s there to hide? Find someone who wants the world to know about you!

Have you said to him it hurts my feelings you haven’t mentioned me to your mom? … are you willing to get vulnerable with him?

Is he close with his mom ? How often do the see each other

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Maybe he wants to make sure it’s going to last before you meet her.

dump him dont need a mother in law like her, he needs to cut the apron strings

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I admit took me while tell my mum my boyfriend 13 year older than me

Meet them .if they don’t like the idea of it.its up to you two really.it don’t matter what they think of you.do you love each other.thats all that should matter.

He’s hiding something. There’s a reason.

Sounds like because you have kids , I know some moms will be a huge deal out of it

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If he feels u are the one, he will introduce u to his mom.

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I would say tell your mom or bye!!!

Invite her over for dinner

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Run. He’s ashamed to introduce you

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Run!!! He’s still scare of mommy. You need a man not a momma’s boy.

It’s about you, your kids and your man. Trust your gut :heart:

Eight months is too long.

i think this all depends on his age which you didnt note

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It has only been 8 months…:slightly_smiling_face:🤷

He’s ashamed. Let him move on

I wouldn’t be to upset. Its been only 8 months. For a man to tell his mom & willing to go to bat with her over the fact you have kids, is when you will know he is TRULY in love with you. Until then, don’t fall to hard For him. The harder you fall, the harder it hurts. He knows her & knows how to deal with her, leave it to him unless you want to be single for pushing him into something he isn’t ready to do. 8 months? He isn’t ready to be a dad to your kids. He can only play the roll for now. If it’s meant to be, he will tell her & already be prepared for the fall out should their be one. There is no need to rush.

get her number just give lady call tell her yourself

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Red Flag…You may consider honestly reevaluating…face the red flags and all of the other things that are there.
You have children to protect. They are watching and will learn from the example you live out.
Be true to yourself and your intuition. What is your WORTH?

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Is it just his mum hes not telling? Cause seriously if your relationship feels like you have to tip toe so certain people don’t find out on his side then hes hiding something. Ive experienced it.

Something doesn’t sound right about this. If a man can’t tell his friends or family about you, then that’s a HUGE issue. Sorry if that sounds negative. I would have said bye a long time ago. And you’re kids are part of the package when you’re a single mom.

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Tell him how important it is to you, and if he still acts weird, im sorry but ditch him. Kids come first and if he can’t fully accept them as part of his life then let him go.

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I’ve dated a man for three years we have a 8 month daughter that he neglects to tell his family about. We haven’t spoken over a year and with the pandemic child support are dragging there feet.

My ex-bf didn’t want to introduce me to his mom & it was a blessing…maybe his mom is bat $h!t crazy like my ex’s?!

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Red. Flag. Talk to him and tell him how you feel about it. If he makes it into a big deal and still doesn’t want to tell anyone about you, it’s time to walk away and find someone who isn’t ashamed to be with you.

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Hun it took my hubby a freaking year to tell his dad about me and my daighter. I didn’t know until I accidentally met his grandma lol. I kept playing all American rejects dirty little secret when ever my hubby got in the car. Didn’t meet his dad until right before our wedding🤷 so maybe it just hasn’t come up yet. Hubby’s dad just kinda comes and goes as he pleases so I just kinda laugh it off. Tell him it bothers you. And you want to meet her because your kids might be calling her grandma one day.

Have you tried talking to him about how you feel? Have y’all discussed long term relationship plans together? It’s only been 8 months. That’s not a lot of time. I think a couple things. 1) talk to him and just be honest with each other. 2) he might not want marriage or he might just not want to introduce yet, so might not see a point in telling her anything yet.

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You need a man not another little boy to raise , if he hasn’t said anything to his mom about you and your kids by now its not going to go well when it happens .

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This is what I know… when men love something they tell their moms :woman_shrugging:

maybe he has his reasons. i wouldnt worry its only been 8 months. start doing things not evolved around him. an let fate take its toll.

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I have enough male friends to confirm that he thinks you’re not the right woman to show his parents. Lol.

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Mostly guys just want to time pass with single mother please if he isnot serious dun waste ur timr on him spend more time with ur kid

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How does this age gap look…how old is he…just give it time and don’t force the issue…you’re dating him, not his mother.

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Age doesn’t matter, but if he doesn’t want to be with you ,you should understand and he should be honest with you about why …

Leave. He’s hiding something. The longest that is acceptable is like 2 months.

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You’re dating a boy then. Not a man. Stop the relationship and keep looking

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Well if he wants to date his mom, let him!:joy::joy::joy:

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Yeah,after six months, he’s not planning to introduce you. Move on.

Yeah that’s a waste of time, he should have told his mother before he met your kids.

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He might be seeing someone else.

My boyfriend is 5 years younger than me and I have two daughters. I met his mother before we even started dating.

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Calm down there lady it’s been 8 months not 8 yrs. And I don’t see anything about this being a serious thing yet so what’s the rush for him to tell his mom who’s he’s dating at this point? 8 months is not long to be dating anyway. :woman_shrugging:

Your boyfriend is telling your something without saying the words. FYI if he does not introduce you to his mom before 6 month he dose NOT see you as long term but just right now, until something he feels is better comes along. Choose you and your boys and move on, For now on do not introduce your boys to people you date, until you know that BOTH of you see long term future. Its not far to your boys.

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He thinks you’re a thot. :joy:

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I would ask him where you fit into his future. My husband is 13-1/2 yrs younger than me, I had a 7 yr old when we met and I didn’t meet his parents as his gf until about 6 months into it. I didn’t let him meet my son until almost a year either as I wanted to make sure he was the right one. Well, we’ve been together almost 4 years now and are happily married with an almost 1 yr old. I’m 44 and he’s 30. It’ll happen if it’s right.

Maybe he knows his mom is a nosey busy body and doesnt want her in your business. Do you guys go out in public and do things. Are you happy with one another? Why are you focus on something to take away from your happiness.

If you get alibg great and can be seen in public… why make his mom an issue. Maybe he kniws his mom is a problem.

If its really that bothersome to you… just ask him.

Id be more concern if he wouldnt be seen in public with me…