How have you been talking about these feelings with him. Do you only bring them up in the moment they are happening or have you sat down with him and really talked about how you feel? Have you told him in the words you used here your lonely. I’ve found with my husband when I am feeling a little less then loved that I need to be blunt and to the point. On the other hand it sounds like he works his butt off to provide for his family and yes you have needs but so does he that time outside might just be his alone time. You can’t ask him for all of it, but you could ask him to share a day or two to start. Maybe talk about making Sunday for family only, go to church as a family then spend the rest of the day doing family activities ending in a family dinner. It’s a start and a could be a good compromise to get things going back in the right direction for everyone.
Sounds like you both need a counselor. Thats alot to put on one person and I’m sure he has something to say about your relationship. I’d talk to him and ask him to seek a marriage counselor with you. If he refuses then I’d personally walk away from the relationship. No one deserves to feel like you feel. But at the same time if he doesnt want to put in the work to fix it, is there really anything to fix?
Girl you can give yourself and then babies everything he does. It won’t be easy at all but intimacy is a big party of a relationship and it sounds like you guys have lost that. It’s not an easy thing to get back either. Maybe try some counciling together? I hope you guys can work it out. But you deserve to feel loved and sexy. Youre more than just a housewife … you are human, a woman with needs… And it’s ok to put those needs at the forefront of your priorities. Your happiness is just as important as anybody else’s
Ten years? IMO you’ve reached a lull. Trust me if you work hard to get over this hump you’ll be amazed at how wonderful things can and probably will be! Been there, done that. A little counseling could go a long way. And if you’re into it, prayer. Best of luck!
Rest. You cannot serve from an empty pot. If he loves you truly he will understand.
Wow! This hits so close to home right now! I am 19 years younger than my husband and I love him to death but I understand exactly how you feel. I find myself wondering if I can do this for the rest of my life. The comments before mine are great and insightful. Sometimes you have to find happiness in yourself before you can make a decision. I can’t see myself leaving my husband but counseling sounds like a good idea. Trust your feelings love, you will find what you are looking for there.
Bout had a stroke trying to read this giant misspelled run on sentence good Lord.
Talk to him… why does no one talk to their spouses anymore?
Change the way you look at things…and the world around you changes…best advice my mother ever gave me…look at it from his perspective also…not just yours
Maybe he wants out but stays from obligation. Sounds like you’re asking the wrong person. Life’s too short to be miserable. YOU need to make the life you want instead of accepting the easy sad one. The more you accomplished yourself the better you’ll feel. Show your kids that we make our own happiness. When you were a child did you just wait for someone to give you something or did you find a way to ask for or get it yourself. We can learn a lot from our childhood selves. Half the joy in life is reaching your goals. The other is finding someone like minded who sees and appreciates the real you.
#BeTheHeroYourKidsWantToBe
He may be a good man and person but to me it doesn’t sound like he’s the right man for you. You sound unhappy and if he cant see that and make some compromises then that is not fair.
Also sounds like he could be depressed. He should be doing something fun for himself and enjoying his family. I also suggest talking to him about a different division of responsibility. Maybe he needs to work less and you need to make some money to lighten his load and he can spend time with the kids. Maybe that would allow you all to spend some more time together.
A. Go to a marriage counselor.
B. Get a job and leave.
He is not perfect. You are not happy. You deserve to be happy; not just have your basic needs met.
After 10 years together if he’s very old school why hasn’t he married you? I think it will not change better decide before you buy a home together.
I understand what you mean and how you feel I’m in the same position myself I’m 46 years old and my girlfriend is 25 Bean old school can be a good thing but it’s going to be a bad thing as well try talkin to him about compromising about giving up one day at the house to catch up on things to go out but you have to ask yourself do you want a party buddy or do you want a father or a husband and someone who’s going to be there and show them good things because it’s showing the kids work ethics, home ethics, and that’s something that’s not being talked about today in schools.
Do not just do nothing, or just look at it different.
Make changes, and ask for changes.
What was it like in the beginning of your relationship? Did it get more lonely with each child? If he can spend time with his other mates he can spend it with you. Tell him you miss the intimacy, does he? Does he spend any time with the kids. You need some girlfriend time since you can’t get significant other time. He also has the potential for a heart attack. Oh yeah and the blow job is a ‘hooker move’. I wouldn’t do it. Tell him you miss the hugs. Is there a reason he doesn’t want to touch you with the exception of the “2 minute poke” which satisfies him but makes you feel like a “hooker” getting screwed by a ‘john’ customer. Let him know if you feel like a concubine. His live in whore. I told my husband this when we barely spoke 10 words within 2 weeks.
It is amazing to find someone willing to work so hard to provide. But why bother if there’s no relationship or family life together?
See a counselor. If that doesn’t help get through to him, then I suggest a trial separation.
From the soumds of it, it won’t be much different for him except he’ll have to wash his clothes and feed himself
Pray for him. Praise him. All men love to be adored. It will make him want to come home to you.
Communicate your feelings and needs, if you can’t communicate in a effective manner then a therapist could help. Sometimes space helps too. Missing someone makes you forget about the bad and focus on the good. It’s worth trying since you have so much invested.
That sounds horrible. You should send him to me
It sounds like you are both working really really hard and need a date night. Do you have someone who can baby sit and give you both a night.or even an afternoon off?
This is a really unhealthy relationship. There’s nothing wrong with cooking and cleaning for your man if you WANT to and are genuinely happy doing it. You can totally be “old school” and have it be a healthy relationship, so I’m not bagging on that. Its that you are clearly NOT happy about it, even if you say you are. Someone about said it perfect, he might be a great man, but it doesn’t sound like he’s for you. Try counseling or leave. It’s not fair to him either.
I understand you and definitely see you. Tell him you need someone that needs you. If he loves you he will work for you. If not, be strong and leave. There’s someone out there that wants you in all the ways you are craving. I hope you get through this 
No one should live this I’m in the same boat only with no kids so far this advice blows raspberries
Go out and do these things with the kids have fun with them do all the things you want to do enjoy life he will miss out and think wow i want to join or he wo t be i interested but you have to be happy you have one life so live it to the fullest
10 years; 5 children; no intimacy; no family outings with his own children; no communication; no spontaneity; no marriage and yet…he wants to buy a house to put you all in? Start squirreling away your grocery money. Hire an attorney TODAY.
GO buy the house (cash)YOU want for you and your children.
Get the Deed to the house in your name also.
Ask him to buy you a New car (cash); titled in your name only (since you’re the one to maintain it)
Get yourself into school & earn a degree or trade.
You & your children aren’t receiving the benefits of a husband’s or father’s unconditional Love.
He sounds great on paper and lawn maintenance! But that won’t last forever. Be an example for your children and gather up your wits to move on.
You’re basically just living off of him as it is. Might as well do it under another roof without him.
Good Luck.
I agree, couples counselling
L.p.first of all it sounds like you don’t have the Lord in y’alls lives and are not married so my advise is to repent and believe on the Son of GOD and live for him and stop living in a relationship that is not of a marriage and GOD will take care of you and your children the best thing you can do is live for Yeshua and raise your children in the way they should go in their Lord it will be well worth it in the end
Goes to show how unappreciated she is. If he was a cheeter or abuser she would just love him to pieces.
Thank your lucky stars lady.
That’s not living !
That’s just existing !
Don’t use this as an example of what married life is to your kids.
I thought marriage was a team effort…get out now before you waste any more time with Mr Grumpy
Tell him how you feel, tell him flat out how you feel and how youre lonely and that of things dont change between you that you want to move on… And if he loves you he will make the effort to make you feel loved and wanted.
To me it just sounds like he wants a maid to cook and clean and do his laundry for him.
I lived like that for years don’t do it you will never be happy move on or see he is willing work on it.
You have it made
Why don’t you go make other mum Friends to go to the beach etc so you aren’t lonely
Get a hobby. Find things that interest you. Make arrangements with the kids ,make memories. Invite him. If he doesn’t go then have fun anyway. If you don’t live with him it will be the same. Except you will be struggling for money etc.plan a family game night etc. My dad would join in he just could never plan anything. Talk with him. Explain why you are planning things and want him to join etc.counseling is good. I had 5 kids too and life gets really busy. Get a baby sitter and plan a date night for you two. A relationship is hard. It is constant work. It will never be perfect and 100%.but keep trying. Maybe he didn’t have a good example either . My dad and GPa always worked, kept the car , was the provider. He does a lot of good things. You could have it worse. Just keep trying. You put 10years in and made 5kids. Keep on
I’m just going to say it: based on what you described, it sounds like he’s not in love with you.
Above all you need to talk to him first…give him the chance to change for you…he may not realize you are that unhappy
If he doesn’t understand you’re unhappy then byeeeee
Talk to about about everything you just wrote above. Give him the chance to respond but listen to what he has to say too. Tell him if you don’t see changes soon, you’ll leave because you’re too unhappy to stick around.
Honesty, communication and try a counselor.
Sit down and talk about it, give him the chance to change but make sure your voice and feelings are HEARD. And then see what if says and feels himself, if he doesn’t change or doesn’t even listen to the point of you know it’s going back to square one then walk away. Your happiness is important too! Xx
Sounds like to me he good man
Try talking to him about it, tell him how you feel, make a new schedule, try to make it a goal to have date nights regularly… time is important, time with the kids, time for yourself, time as a family and time with your partner. I was in your exact position some time ago and we tried counseling, talking to other couples, etc. In the end, the question was, “do we love eachother enough to make it work?”, and yes, we both agreed. I watch his boring ass movies while he sits down and sews with me, we might not like eachother’s hobbies, but it’s spending time that matters the most. I’m happy when he’s happy and vice versa, we work around our differences and find ways to have fun together, I learned to love some of his hobbies and same with him. It may be something else too, maybe he’s uncomfortable being in public, maybe he has unresolved issues or anxiety… it helps to start with fully understanding eachother.
Communicate… listen to the some 2 pina coladas cause that’s what came to mind when reading this extremely long pitty party… or actually just leave him so a good woman can enjoy a cushy life.
Write what u just said in a letter. Give it to him. And go from their. Then you will know. Your not going to want to give him the letter but just do it. Only way to find out. A letter is better because you will be able to say exactly what u want and not searching for ur words.
Men like that old school. Don’t change . I tried for 20 years. Lol good luck
Your happiness is important. Talk to him. If he’s not willing to change then you need to put your happiness first and leave him.
Let him read everything you just wrote in your post. Sometimes guys just don’t “get it” unless it’s all spelled out for them in black and white. From the way you described him it would be sad to throw away all of those years and a guy like him. Like the saying goes “The grass isn’t always greener on the other side”.
Tell him he needs to spend more time with y’all, talk about it, but besides that you ought to be happy to have a man that does all he does for y’all. And if he works long hours and provides then why not make sure he has dinner and clean clothes!? It’s a give and take. He don’t sound old school to me, he sounds like my husband, works his ass off and just wants something good to eat at the end of the day.
If he wont listen write everything down. Some blokes don’t like the “confrontation” of face to face… X
Wow some of these ladies are outta control. It doesnt mean you are wrong. In my case my ex wasnt a “good man” but I say now I’m free…as lonely as I am am never as lonely as I was while married. I have no advise except maybe go to couselling and learn how to be at peace with being a single.parent in a relationship and how to learn to enjoy being alone. Ask friends along? It isnt fun and I feel ya on this one.
Communicate with your partner, he may also have similar feelings. If you can’t come to an understanding, it may be time to walk away.
U deserve to be happy. Tell him everything u just wrote. Maybe he will listen maybe some things can get changed a little.
Pointing the blame all on him isn’t right. What are you doing as far as initiative to change things?
Don’t waste your time. It’s gonna be hell because you have kids together but will be worth it in the end. I wasted a year and I seen what was coming, I left that dude real quick. Life is too short, you’ll be fine. BE HAPPY
Talk to him about it my so and I have different methods as well and most of the time im up with our daughter so he tries to help by doing things "my way’’
Have u discussed this with him? He sounds like a perfect husband and father.
I would would let him read this post.
pretty much covers it.
my husband was the same way, tencyears ago I insisted that we had date night. we would go to dinner and talk about what ever…
at first he didnt like it moaned about spending money…Now if I’m not feeling well he will say ,were not going to have date night tonight…
it takes work but it pays off…try it!
There’s no talking to gim, he doesn’t care. Flat out. You know it, too. Leave him.
Communicate! Secondly, no relationship is perfect and you have it very good! I know the feeling of alone, since I’m a SAHM too and usually only talk to kids all day. So maybe he should compromise a day out of the month for you both to enjoy each other kid free and do something, fun and romantic. But just remember, sometimes we have to take the good with the bad. And thankfully your bad, is not actually too bad! Also might help to have a life outside of just home with the kids, friends, mom groups, volunteer work or a small job!
Y’all need to communicate!!!
I’m like you I need cuddling and kissing. We have never argued. We have been married 4 1/2 years. He was my high School sweetheart! I don’t know what to tell you. You need to pull him aside and have a discussion with him regardless of what he has to do! I wish you luck. Both of you go to Church together have lunch out together.
Chiming in here because I feel like lots of this I’ve been thru. First off… if hes a provider a father a faithful man that’s pretty important. Second… you have to get in touch with him about the need for intimacy. That’s a real legit complaint
Some of your complaints are not as legit. A guy who is boring because hes taking care of responsibilities is not boring…hes responsible. A guy that’s boring in bed can be converted.
You have every right to have an equal relationship. But you need to communicate to him exactly what you want and need and hear what he wants and needs.
Communication is key. People are so quick to throw in the towel. Maybe try counseling if he’s willing to go.
That’s way over my head lol
Your feelings are not unwarranted. He’s not acting like a husband or father in my opinion. If you are not working then it makes sense that you would do the at home stuff, but you need an actual relationship where you do things together and you are intimate otherwise it’s like you are a maid/cook/escort rather than a wife. I would try telling him exactly how you feel and what you would like to do as a family. If he doesn’t listen then try it in a letter. If that doesn’t work it may come down to an ultimatum. Relationships are about more than being taken care of financially. Think about the role of a parent and child, it’s is not the parents role to simply ensure the kids have food, clothes and a roof, they also need love and affection and time. Oh but of course he does need his own time too. We have an unofficial agreement in or home that hobby gets one day in weekend to do his own thing for his downtime, but the other day is about family and being together to do something.
I’d say couples counseling for sure. Be thankful that you can stay home and that he can afford everything. He works his ass off.
Really the least you could do is his clothes and food. That’s nothing compared to what he is doing.
If he was so old fashioned, he would Marry you.
So he is a good provider…financially…but he is pushing you into the arms of another man for passion…he is living his father’s life…if he chooses not to listen then do what you gotta do…living a life of lonilessness with a man right there who don’t get it an don’t want to get it ain’t worth it …you sit down with him lay it all out if he chooses to not listen then go on an get happy fill that void.
Too bad you can’t just show him this post
Your never stuck…only in your mind
use this post to write him a letter, the written word is very powerful
Ok, so first of all: if he doesn’t take care of his kids, doesnt help around the house and you dont feel loved, hes not a great man. Our expectations for men are so low that just because he’s not abusive we think he’s a good guy
Break the cycle, let him know you will be focusing on yourself for a while, get a part time job become self sufficient, and more independent. Either he accepts, adapts and tries to make you happy. If not, you let life run its course. One step at a time
Wasted time. Good bye!
Sounds like youre selfish…this post is about you complaining… better keep that man… cause this day in age a old school man is hard to find… you would regret it if you left and dated the first guy after… you gotta take the good with the bad when it comes to a relationship… im sure youre not perfect and there is things that he doesnt like about you. But he has stayed with you for the good reasons… he loves you enough to take care of you. And provide for you and your family… you knew how he was when you married him.
I don’t know why but its really annoying me that people keep saying “Communicate.” Did you read the same thing I did? Cause she said she’s talked to him about it and all he does is say she whines too much and should be happy to have a man like him.
the only advice i have is to try spice up the bedroom on your own… if he shoots it down continuously ,then there could be an issue… however - rejection hurts too ,so just go in it trying to make it fun and no high expectations… 
Regardless of roles in place and how well it works…thats only one aspect of real support.
Each of us also has individual needs…and unfortunately, if you cant live up to your spouses needs…then its not gonna work.
Someone will always be unhappy.
You need to talk to him and explain it that way…and if he cant give you what u need…then unfortunately…its going to get worse for you.
Finance and material things does not a marriage make.
You seem to need time, love, affection…quality of love and laughter.
If he cant provide that…then you gotta go out and find what works for you and is gonna make u truly happy.
Sounds like a good man to me… buy yourself a toy and be thankful you got what you have because that kind of man is far and few in between
Why on earth do so many people on here think it’s ok for a man to not want to spend time with his kids? They need a father not a bank.
Maybe you both need to sit down and have a conversation about your relationship. Maybe he feels unhappy as well. You’ve been together a long time and sometimes people grow apart. You may just find that you both feel like you want to separate. I feel like everybody want attention and affection at least a small amount and the fact that you all dont seem to share that leads me to think that you guys aren’t compatible anymore. That doesnt mean you guys dont or cant love each other but maybe a separation would be best for you both. Try to have a conversation with him about it maybe over some wine or something. Not all relationships end in a messy way and they dont have to. Just be honest with each other and see where it goes. I’m sure the kids would rather see you all apart and happy than together and unloving.
I’ve lived this life for 12 years 
I heard the exact same thing day in and day out. I should be lucky to get to stay at home with our 5 kids and have everything handed to me while he works his butt off to make sure I’m take care of when all I really wanted was a husband and father. I would take the kids to the park, swimming, pumpkin patch, out to eat ALONE because he was always busy. Providing. I appreciated that but we had way more than what we needed he just chose money over his family. After 12 years I couldn’t take it anymore and I left. In my opinion when they are set in their ways like that they dont change. And if he was so “old fashioned” he would have married you by now. I’m sorry and I hope things get better for you
Sounds like u should be telling him all this
I’d tell him to get on his knees. Not to pray either. Lol
People can’t change who they are. He believes this is what his role is and if you complain I wouldn’t be surprised if he just decided you were ungrateful for what he does do instead of seeing any of your valid points. Good luck but this man is not your soul mate.
Just because he is financially supporting her doesn’t mean anything. People are financially supported with child support. To be in a good relationship you need to emotionally support each other as well.
Nothing feels worse then being with someone and they be great and all and yet still feel alone. After all the communication and all that you have tried to spark something in him and fuel the relationship… Start to focus on yourself. Do things alone with the kids. Not saying to walk away completely. But invest time in girl friends. Maybe he Will notice u doing your thing and maybe something may turn around. If not… Then do what u must to provide u and ur children a loving happy home. Good luck and Godspeed.
Ive been married for 11 years. Together for almost 13. We have 3 children. I met my husband when I was a senior in highschool. I stayed home for 7 years with our children, before I returned to work. With that being said.
I can understand 100% where you’re coming from. The monotonous routine it, its like our own personal groundhog day in a way. Your S.O. sounds like an amazing man, obviously with shortcomings. We all have them. I have to ask. Are you sure the problems you’re voicing are the actual problems you have or are they masking something deeper within yourself? Any man that will sacrifice 6 days a week and put all his money into his family unit obviously loves you and his kids. Maybe hes overwhelmed? Just like you are. My hubby and I implemented the “day off” policy a few years ago. Every week we each get a day to walk away. From our responsibilities as husband and wife, and as mother and father. On my day off he steps into my shoes and plays my role. On his day off I step into his shoes and play his role. I think its helped a lot with understanding each other and providing the much needed break of the every day routine that every human being needs. Have you tried writing down how you feel? Sending it to him in a letter or an email? Sometimes a man cares but he doesnt know how to fix it so he resorts to anger and frustration. Maybe if he had time to read and digest what you say he could gain some understanding. And in his own time and his own way he might change. Ultimately your happiness is the top priority. You’re the mama. You fight the good fight day in and day out for your kids. And you cannot pour from an empty cup. I hope you might find at least 1 piece of my advice helpful. You are beautiful and you do an amazing job mama!
This question is so confusing that I dont even know how to respond. Lol
I think u should appreciate him n talk to him having 5 kids is not a joke to leave and fine another “love”
guess i should be grateful my man looks at me as his equal not his servant. thats actually sad as fuck.
You need to communicate before the resentment becomes intolerable, your needs aren’t being fully met, it’s good he provides but sharing is what bonds in the relationship.
How about you go work and worry about everything he does… Youll quickly want back the life style you got. Some women are really just ungrateful. Hes providing and making sure yall good.
Wow…you deserve a bum
Maybe you have stay at home mom depression. If he’s working 6 days a week to support literally everything, then you WILL be alone. I would try to work it out first before leaving.
Talk to him!
Communication is key, express your discomfort within the relationship and express how it makes you feel.
You owing words like " I think, I feel, etc"
If he is a real y good man he will see that you aren’t very happy with your current situation and see if he’s motivated to help change it.
Also talk to your pastor or priest about marriage counseling, help never hurt a soul.
I hope you both get what you want from each other and best of luck. 
I don’t think you are ungrateful…you feel lonely and these females have no clue how that is! A female needs love and affection, not just financially being taken care of. I would say talk to him, let him know how you feel, see if he acknowledges it, if he doesn’t, then 10 years is a long time to deal with this and you may need to ask yourself if you are willing to live this way for the rest of your life? Im dealing with the same actually but I have voiced my loneliness over and over because I feel exactly like you do…I have one foot out the door
I don’t know how old the kids are but they need both of you as a family. Be careful your not tempted with another. It sounds as if you feel like you need more romance. Some people just don’t have it in them. My husband is not a romantic person but I am. But I was in the hospital for 5 weeks he was there everyday. Three weeks of that time, I didn’t know I was in this world and he still came and stayed all day! I think I’d rather have that than romance!
The grass is always greener on the other side. Go get a book. Its called The 5 languages of love. Play dress up. Get toys:wink:
. Spice things up. Initiate it. Help him with whatever his fixing:tipping_hand_woman:.
Sounds like there needs to be some communication with compromise. Have you heard of the 5 love languages? Sounds like these are things that make him feel happy & loved & obviously it’s not what does it for you. Talk to him explain what works for you & come to an agreement about how you both can work on things. You simply can not have a relationship without intimacy, otherwise you’re just roommates raising kids together.
Communicate. Tell him what you need. I don’t think you sound ungrateful. And I think it’s ridiculous for anyone to say that you are. Sure he takes care of everything financially. But that’s not how a successful and happy marriage and family works. He should be involved with you and the kids. There should be intimacy. I think you should explain you want more than a roommate that you’re raising kids with. If he doesn’t listen or want to work on things then leave. Your kids can still have you both. You do not have to be together to raise kids together.