My boyfriend is best friends with his ex, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I do trust him. I just do not like the situation. I have expressed myself on several occasions about this, and he says that it will not end because nothing is wrong with the situation. I kinda feel like the third wheel. They talk all the time and see each other almost every day. The family things that we should be doing together take place with her and her fam. I’m usually invited, but it is just too uncomfortable for me. Any advice??
His ex is my friend now… she gives me baby clothes. She wasn’t going away so I insert myself. Im not worried you can’t make someone love you. If he stays he loves you. Dont second guess yourself he’s with you not her
Make him choose or leave
Been there done that. The chances of them still hooking up are really high
Wow. You’ve expressed your uncomfortable with it and feel like a third wheel? And hes doing nothing to ease his GIRLFRIENDS feelings???!!! What a mess. Id give him an ultimatum. And if he didn’t choose or still wanted his cake and to eat it too id leave
You have a decision to make. You either learn to live with it or move on. There is no in between
Yes. Leave. You are never going to feel good there… it’s shady.
Leave. Just go.
No way in hell…
Did you know they were best friends and exs when you got with him? If so, I feel there is really nothing you can do except leave cause their friendship came first.
Are there children involved or not?
You said it yourself you don’t trust him if you don’t have trust you really have nothing
Find a new boyfriend!
I actually don’t find this strange because your invited if you weren’t I would be concerned. If my husband left me and moved on I would still be his friend he is my best friend regardless if we’re together or not because he’s been there for me durn the worst parts of my life . Maybe include yourself if your feeling left out let Him know . Maybe she isn’t as bad as you think . I know how you feel though and it is hard but maybe you’ll be surprised and make a friend in her x
He’s trying to have his “cake” and eat it too. Literally
Id find a new boyfriend.the one you have is pretty selfish and inconsiderate.
If u trust him don’t force urself into his friendships. It doesn’t matter the gender of the friendship. If u don’t trust him to hang out with people your relationship is weak. Therapy or leave. ( although I have bpd so I have a hard time with shades of grey)
How long have they been friends? Did you know they were friends when you got together? If so, then you have no right to be upset about it. She was there first.
Blunt answer: he’s probably still hooking up with her. Leave, sis.
Did you know about her and their friendship before you got with him
Im best friends with my ex. We co parent, have 4 children together. Im with another man and we can all hang out together and get along.
Are kids involved because if so that’s how it should be with co parenting…if not then you need to have a serious conversation if your that uncomfortable and if things don’t change then move on
Do they have children together?
Yeah, no that is weird. Being friends and occasionally saying hi or whatever is one thing, but everything you said, I would never be okay with. He obviously cares more about her than your feelings.
Try being more confident for yourself and for your relationship
I’ve been the best friend in a situation like this & was completely cut off bc my male friends girlfriend didnt like the fact that we were friends & I was a female. It hurt my feelings so bad. Me & him still dont talk now & we were friends since we were 9…
.coming from the best friend side … YOU BEING INSECURE ! You cant make him cut his best friend off tf. Either let him go or be friends with the both of them if he is not going to willingly cut ties from her on his own for the sake of keeping you happy . Females & their insecurities smh. Now if you know for a fact they have crossed a line or were intimate in some way then yea I’d say leave but you cant be jealous or insecure or a friendship that was there before you. SMH & that’s on Mary had a little lamb
First of there ain’t nothing we can do about it because you know about it it’s up to you what you wan to do with this weird situation
Honestly, we really don’t know enough to be able to judge on this. Do they have kids? Were they friends before they dated? Do they have mutual friends? If any of those things are true, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
There is literally a man out there that will eat your ass with a napkin tucked in his shirt like its the last supper. Dont settle.
Are you sure you’re not a thruple?
Unless they have children together, this is weird to me. It’s one thing to be on good terms/friends with an ex but hanging out everyday and doing things with her family?! And on top of that you’ve expressed multiple times that it makes you uncomfortable and he’s basically told you to get over it because he’s not going to end it. To me, that sounds like she’s more important to him than you are and me personally, I’m not going to be someone’s second choice. Your feelings are valid and they should come first to him. He may still have feelings for her. I hope it works out for you honey
That’s weird and a no
Nah, I’m a strong believer in your significant other should be your best friend, I have no issues with them staying friends but what you’re describing is too much. But that’s just me. I don’t have confidence or jealousy issues either. That’s just what I believe to be the foundation of a successful relationship.
Really depends on the vibe you’re getting from it all. I have seen strictly friendships with exes work, but for me personally it hasn’t. But what I find weird is the family thing hanging out with her and maybe occasionally her family, but if he’s going to all her family dinners etc. instead of your family’s dinners that is just plain weird unless they have a child together or something like that where he’s bringing the child there. I personally wouldn’t be ok with it.
It has nun to do w being more confident or being insecure
Hes wrong for that
If hes w u he should be w u
Not spending time w his x
I feel like he should do whatever needs to be done to make you comfortable
If you don’t like it and have told him it makes you uncomfortable, break up with him and find someone who’s into you.
Sounds like you need a man who wants to be with you, not another woman
If they don’t have kids together
Obviously they still have feelings for eachother
If my man didn’t have kids with his ex
He wouldn’t talk to her or bother to be around her but because they do have kids I put my feelings to the side about them talking
But if your man doesn’t have kids with this ex I would pack my shit and leave
End it before you are too invested, this never ends well and you will never be happy with him.
What’s your gut telling you? follow it, ex’s can be friends and are sometimes better as friends. Talk to them both about your concerns. But in the end you should be coming first.
Um…wow. How would this “relationship” even be entertained let alone tolerated?
I am sorry but you do not see a girl friend every day and continue to talk to them every day even if you are co-parenting. As the significant other you should be put first. You can have friendships with ex’s especially if there are kids involved but if you don’t put your next serious relationship as the priority it is doomed to fail. And the fact that they are going and hanging out with her family… yeah it isn’t going to change and I would not be okay with it. If he wanted to be with this chick every day he should have stayed with her. All kinds of red flags there. I would get out. It’s going to end badly.
Been in that situation before…it did not end in my favor. They got back together.
You’re saying family things, which makes me think there are children involved. Do they have kids together?
I wouldn’t like it , your suppose to be first , you and him should be doing things together just you and him I’d feel uncomfortable too
My ex husband is my best friend. We do a lot of things together, but we share children.
His ex couldn’t handle the relationship even though I tried not to overstep in any way. She was insecure to an impossible point and it destroyed her mentally.
I think there is important information missing.
How old are you?
Do they have kids?
Are you willing to lose him because it doesn’t seem he is willing to lose her friendship.
Also if he was this way in the beginning… why would it change?
There’s a difference between being cordial and friendly with your ex for the sake of your children & being best friends. I think your partner should be your best friend. Being best friends to the point that your current significant other feels like a third wheel is wrong. If they don’t have kids together then it’s even weirder. You should have every right to have family time/alone time with your significant other without their ex being involved.
Does he have kids with her?
If there is no kids involved its weird and I would not trust it
If you are just starting and have no kids my advice is leave, he obviously values the ex and their relationship more than what you two have
Honestly my perspective may be different than most. I was with “Jeff” for 4 years. He worked alot, was part of fire dept and part time on a farm. Plus he lived and hour from me. I barely ever saw him. Anyway, we both mutually decided to just be close friends. It is the best friendship I’ve ever had. I have dated and so has he but nothing to serious. We’ve literally only been just friends the past 4 years and it just works for us. No different then having a girlfriend.
If he has no kids with her… Then I feel he is disrespecting u in ur wishes and how it makes u feel. He should make sure u are comfortable with it or it should not go on. I would be be totally not okay with it at all but I have been on the cheating end of a relationship with I thought I trusted my husband and best friend. Never again I don’t care what the situation is.
Nothing wrong with being friends with opposite gender or an ex. They are trying to include you in things and you are not wanting to go. You cant stop them being friends so either suck it up and be her friend too or leave
I would leave he obviously dont care about u if he is disregarding yr feelings
He has no regard for your feelings. Dump him.
Find a new boyfriend.
Are there children involved?
Giiiirl, by the time I read “I’m usually invited”, I knew to dump hiss ass. Your gut feeling is telling you the truth.
I wouldn’t be with him. I’m way too jealous for any of that shit
I would definitely leave. Sorry.
I would not be comfortable with that. I would be telling him that he is not considering your feelings and you can no longer be in a relationship like this. You will have to be the one to make the change, he won’t.
You can’t change others, you can only change yourself. You have to decide if it’s something you can live with and handle. Most women I know could not. It possible he’s just not the right match for you. I’m not saying give him an ultimatum, that never works. Just decide in your own heart if you can be okay with this and if not, id seriously consider moving along to find a better match for you.
If you love this man and wanna be with him, overcome it. Learn to accept it. If he wanted to be with her I think he would leave u and be with her. Maybe also they realize they are better friends. I dated someone that I’ve been best friends with for 16 years. We both agreed we arent meant to be more than just friends. And I’m still friends with him. I’m also friends with all of my exs tho.
Sorry but 9 times outta 10 they are still hooking up.
Girllllllllll idc what my boyfriend would have to say its her or me or better yet you choose cyz if he sees no problem with this he is full of it plus they can fuck anytime they want and to be best friends with an ex means all the feelings aren’t. Obviously because he would consider his S.O. feelings over anyone save yourself the heartache cuz it seems like u are competing for own man against the past.
Gagg meee I just would not put up with it
I’m friends with most of my exes. I was friends before I dated them and stayed friends. The people I date are allowed friends of whatever gender they want. As long as she isn’t disrespectful of your relationship, I’d say get over it or move on. And by disrespectful I mean talking shit on you or trying to come between you in any way.
If they don’t have kids togetehr, he should respect you enough to cut ties
Then leave? She was there first he’s made it clear he values their relationship more then your feelings
Ummm hell na! Bounce
Go when you are invited
If he tells you that he’s still talking to her or when they hang out and is keeping things out in the open, then it’s up to you on whether you trust them. They can’t help your discomfort with their friendship, but make sure you’re not jumping to conclusions if you’re not willing to spend time as a group when invited. Now if he’s blowing off your plans for her plans, then you have a real problem and you need to gtfo.
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS
Theyr fcking each other…
wake the fck up and stop being the third wheel in your relationship
What you mean your usually invited so there’s times your not involved
Just move on cuz this guy isn’t over his ex
Leave get OUT NOW!!!
Wait so you’re being treated like the side piece? Yeah I’d leave!
I think it wld matter alot more if he was ur husband. He’s your bf, go find you a guy best friend and see how he feels.
Something is not right. We are friends with my husband’s ex. It has been 20yrs since they divorced and everyone is past it. However, we see each other at the kids’ functions, once in a while we may message each other about a mutual friend or one of the kids but we never talk to her daily. He never talks to her when I am not present. They are both extremely considerate of my feelings and if she wants to talk to us about something she contacts me, never him,and asks me to pass the info along or have him contact her. I feel like this is the only way such a situation can work.
I honestly don’t think he should be talking to her daily… That’s a little off… I have trust issues so no that would not be ok with me!
He hasn’t moved on and isn’t ready to let go, you should be his priority and doing family things with you. Yes they should be friends but he’s taking it to another level.
When me and my ex broke up he became really good friends with my mom. 2 years later and I’m over him, with a baby… and he’s still over nearly every day to hang out with the family.
I’d leave he loves her
No lady deserves to be treated that way get out and you demand nothing but the best and always make sure you are respected
Sis… Leave this situation. Anyone that used to hook up… Will hook up again if the moment is right. Your discomfort is your body telling you to get away from the bad vibration.
I love my boyfriend’s ex. I was in her wedding and we go to her familys house for christmas and Thanksgiving. You need to decide if its a deal breaker for you. I would ask him to maybe make more an effort for time with you. But also realize shes gonna be a part of of his life. You get invited on the outings. Why not take a dive and go? Maybe you’ll make an amazing friend.
Did you know he had a best friend before you got together ? Cop it on the chin or move along, she isn’t going anywhere…
Being on good terms or friendly is one thing, this sounds overboard. Hes not over her, wont let her go. You’re going to have to remove yourself from this situation, it’s not going to change.
Well two solutions leave or get yourself a male best friend and do the same thing.
He says it will not end w her… you deserve better. Get out of the 3 sided relationship!!!
Sounds like you need to grow up and just go with him. Who knows, maybe you and her could actually like each other.
I’m friends with all my ex’s as long as it was civil. I have more male friends than female.
My fiance at first was skeptic and afraid it was more than friendship when my best guy friend would get off work and come over late. (Friend of 15 years) Eventuslly he realized we really were just sitting on opposite couches talking about gaming and life.
Maybe she really is his friend. Good friends come to family events and it sounds like hes been trying to include you but you cant get over the initial awkwardness
Um hell no!!! I would deffiantly not put up with that shit I would say either her or me and if he chooses her peace dude
I used to date my best friend years ago when we were kids (14-15 yes old and were now 30). We talk everyday, have inside jokes, and know each other better than anyone but that’s simply it. It’s possible to date and realize you’re better as friends and no longer have romantic feelings towards each other. She is now my sons godmother, is friends with my fiancée, and the the fact that we used to date never comes up.
Maybe try making friends with her too ? I’m friends with by BFFs current girlfriend and it doesn’t feel awkward at all. The only other option is to leave him. It’s totally unreasonable to ask him to not be her friend or to change their friendship to spare your feelings.
Oh hell no. Leave his ass. No ex’s should be in his life period unless they have children together!
Walk away. He is clear in that that relationship is more important. You need to set boundaries and walk away if he won’t even entertain them. This won’t stop and will only get worse. There is a difference in being amicable with the other parent. This is not just “for the kids”. Walk away
My closest friend is my ex sooo I have no good advice
Ask him how he would feel if you hung out with your ex.
Absolutely no way men and women can’t be friends especially that close without something happening or going to happen
My ex and I were together 13 years. We are best friends and she is nanny to my son. Some people can JUST be friends after a split.
So many insecure women.
I don’t think the conversation needs to be “loose her or I leave” I think it needs to go more like this.
“Hey, this makes me uncomfortable but I’m willing to work on that because it’s my own feelings. What I need from you is for you to help me feel more secure. Please show me that you want me in the ways that I’ll understand and believe you. Can you please do less group things and more us things? Can you please make more of an effort to show me that you are in a relationship with me and not her?”
Conversations like that are hard. Feeling like a victim and not ever addressing the issue is harder. Use your voice in a way that makes it known what you NEED. Not just what your emotions are towards the situation
Probably isn’t a good match for either of you. You’re both entitled to your opinions on the issue- sounds like you two have different ideas on what is and is not acceptable.