My boyfriend is making our daughter get baptized against my wishes....advice?

Ultimately it’s just water… if you don’t believe that’s ok but he does. It won’t hurt your baby to do it. Let his have this one. There will be much bigger battles in the future so it’s best to learn to compromise now.

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So he’s super religious, but doesn’t attend church regularly? Or he does, but you don’t go with? Do yall live together?

Sorry, just trying to add everything up :blush:

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Usually both parents have to consent or it cannot go ahead. But learning about it and being comfortable with it is so important.
I get that his religion is a massive part of his life, but he should also be aware that demanding can send you to sway the complete other way. He should focus on showing you how he practices his faith, take you to church and meet the other folk in his parish and of course the priest. I’m pretty certain you both have to be consenting before any baptism can go ahead.

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It’s important to him. If you dont believe or whatever, just think of it as splashing some water on her. Realistically, she may or may not choose to follow that route but I feel like you should compromise and at least try to learn a bit about it and do it WITH HIM if that’s what you decided.
Not trying to sound judgemental but you really should have tried to get to know the religion your partner/boyfriend was in, and very passionate about before having a child but what is done is done. If this is your only hurdle, then yall are good.

It can only help. Especially in the world we live In today.

He couldn’t be that strict about his religion or he wouldn’t be having sex out of marriage!

The baby will be just fine either way. One day they will decide for themselves what they truly want. You can take a look at that religion and decide also what you want in your future. Relationships based in patriarchal control are extremely difficult so counseling may help you…both or just you.

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Since the two of you are not married that limits his legal rights to a degree but you need to talk to an attorney to protect you and your child you need to know what your rights are what his rights are and especially what your baby’s rights are

That is there request. She can always change later. Me !!! I agree with you
It’s a religion that doesn’t agree with you living together either has he thought of that. He’s already against God

I’m pagan and my son was baptized at around 9 months old. I was glad to know if something happened to me he would have someone to care for him. His godparents is my cousin and her hubby

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You have every right to have an opinion on the matter. The very least he can do us have a sit down conversation and explain to you why this so important to him.

You’d have to catch up on church for years in order to reach that decision. His religion is important baptism is important Sunday school never killed anyone it shows them structure and rules simulator to school and law in my opinion it’s not a dreadful decision

I honestly shocked this wasn’t talked about before getting pregnant if he’s that religious? If it’s important to him it’s a splash of water on the head I wouldn’t over think this and just let him do it

You should learn about his religion and decide if you want to participate. The baptism or christening is just a way of asking God for blessings over the child and they sprinkle the water over them as they pray. That’s the basics they just make it a ceremony. Seems he only wants what is best for her.

Boyfriend? If he was really religious he wouldn’t have knocked ya up before marriage

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Wow :unamused: I personally have no problem with baptism but it sounds like he’s already bullying you in to doing whatever he wants with your child and the baby’s not even born yet Major red flag mama

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It’s not going to hurt her or save her, baptism is an outward expression about an inward decision :hugs:

Your daughter is safe in the hands of God until she is mature enough to understand the gospel & makes a decision for herself :heart:

The baptism is most likely more for his feeling of security & obedience of his faith, I’m surprised you’re not married if it’s that important to him?

However, as a married couple he would be the head of the household & you would be advised in biblical understanding to support your hubby’s decision…

But you’re not, so I’m not sure why there’s a fight about it in the first place…

Again, she won’t be hurt or influenced by it personally :heart_hands:

But it’s never wrong to ask Gods blessings for protection for our little ones, maybe propose a blessing now & baptism when she can decide for herself :mending_heart:

All the best to you both & congratulations to your miracle :hugs:

Thats not good. If he’s forcing jt without you agree on it. Thats shows he had Some serious controlled issues. If you let him get away with it he will do over and over again. If it’s not this it’ll be something else. Baptism shouldn’t be forced. I think you should talk to therapy about it.

My husband is LDS and before I married him I made it clear that I would not convert for him (I’m pagan), and that our kids would only be baptized if they made that decision themselves. This really should have been something you talked about before having a baby together.

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Ummm…# your feelings are definitely valid and it is impossible to turn back the hands of time. These are things you talk about BEFORE getting pregnant. You had time to learn all about his religion. You knew enough to say he is VERY serious about his religion. So, what made you think he wouldn’t want his daughter to experience his religion?

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You knew getting into a relationship where he stood on his religion. If you weren’t on board you should have left before having a baby.

Now there is a baby… It’s kind of too late now.

I think you should let your daughter since it’s important to him . It’s his daughter too at the end of the day you gotta respect each other’s religions. It’s not gonna hurt her.

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Roman catholic who’s " very strict " about the religion but he had a baby out of wedlock ?
Honestly, yeah. It’s " just water " but then again what would he say if you told him you were of a different faith and wanted your baby to partake in that ?
Whatever God you believe in should be talked about before having kids to avoid this kinda thing. But a little late for that. So honestly, if you’re open to converting/joining his religion and their practices, go to church and talk to the priest/pastor whatever about things. Ask questions.

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Babys are born pure…no need for baptism.
Baptism is for the remission of sin…babies and children do not know sin.

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It’s not a baptism that young. It’s a dedication.

I had the same situation with my husband when our son was born. I grew up Lutheran (we also baptize infants like in the catholic church) and my husband had grown up Baptist and did not know anything about this practice.

He wasn’t super religious in the first place, and yet somehow he was still super against it. And what I told him was, “if it doesn’t matter to you, and it matters GREATLY to me, that we baptize him… why can’t we just baptize him”?

We ended up baptizing him. If this isn’t something you feel that strongly about, why can’t you let your partner do this? It’s very important to him :100:

Go with the flow. The child will decide what he/she wants to follow when they are old enough.

Take some deep breaths. You can look it up and learn. They take some water and pour it over your baby’s head. It’s like a blessing. I get that you don’t believe but if you trust your boyfriend and respect his beliefs then that goes with even this. It’s alittle water… if you don’t believe then nothing is going to happen other than water on the baby. Remember the baby is as much his child as she is yours. If you want a relationship to last… yall need to get it together on getting through these things that you don’t see eye to eye.

I got my son baptized just to appease my husband and his family and mine. It’s honestly some water splashed on the kids head and then you just tell the church that you will “teach your kid the way of god”, etc….

I just lied my way through it. I don’t believe in any of that stuff and honestly don’t feel that it’s necessary, but for some people it’s a huge deal. I would just let it happen. Do it to make people happy, and hey! Afterwards usually you have gifts and cake!

Just because they are baptized doesn’t mean they can’t decide their own fate and faith. Don’t pressure them about religion and let them go their own way as they get older. My son hasn’t been in a church since he’s been baptized and honestly, no biggie.

Not too strict with his “religion” if he’s your BF and not your husband :joy::joy::joy:

It absolutely is something that should be decided together. It seems that you have more respect for his beliefs than he has for your own. I don’t go to church very often but, I do have my faith. I express my love for God to other people but, in no way do I force it on anyone. If he is your “boyfriend” and not your “husband” and you guys are having a baby out of wedlock how serious is he about his religion? (or is that different for Roman Catholic? I know nothing about Roman Catholics) I believe he should compromise and help you learn about his religion and go with you to attend his church, if that is something you are truly interested in and raise the child in the church together (if that’s for you). But, ultimately if he doesn’t respect what you say and how you feel, is he really right for you? I also believe that the child should be old enough to decide on their own what it is they want to do in this situation.v

No, it won’t hurt the baby . They just sprinkle some water on her head . Most other Christian religions do full immersion under water, but Catholics do a little sprinkle . The baby doesn’t know and she can do the other kind later if she wants when she understands about it .
But this is not going to hurt her in any way .

My first thought was he’s a boyfriend, not a husband, so he’s not THAT Catholic. Because if he was, they don’t believe in sex out of wedlock. Soooo…I don’t like that he’s pushing his beliefs on you like that. The “it’s happening no matter what” is concerning. My advice is to go to the church and learn for yourself; it might be something you decide you want too. But this needs to be a mutual conversation and decision.

It won’t hurt or help the child but might hurt your relationship if you don’t

If your against it don’t do it. Let them make that decision when they are older. Do not let anyone bully you into just letting it get done because it doesn’t matter. If it matters to you, it matters period. That’s the fun part about life. Getting to experience things on your own and not becoming a carbon copy of someone else! :slightly_smiling_face:

If you don’t believe in god what are you worried about :thinking:although god is very very real in each and everyone of use this does nothing but bring good to your child !! Being born of the spirit in water is a blessing !!! No harm will come to her from being baptized but it could if you Don’t although I believe all children are protected by god

At least you know about it, my sister took my son not knowing he had already been Baptist and had him reborn. He was about 5 years old, she even had him sign documents .

If you are not married and living together, the Church may not allow it. (This happened in my family.)
If it is possible, and you aren’t religious, let it happen. It isn’t like it will leave a big purple mark! You also might consider taking a class on Catholicism from his church. There is no obligation to join.

Did you say boyfriend? I’d work my mind if he was a husband, but boyfriend!

What about him no sex before marriage? He’s not that strict then.

To me it’s not really a big deal but no offense how is he “very strict with his religion” but he got you pregnant out of wedlock…… so I mean he must not be very strict. Again no offense to you but he can’t sit there and demand y’all’s child be baptized just because his religion says so if he’s not willing to follow all the aspects of that religion like no sex out of marriage.

He can’t be to strict about it he’s having a baby out of marriage.

Being baptized as a child is purposely for the sake of saving the soul God forbid anything happens before the age of like 10 when they know right from wrong for themselves. Your child can still choose a different religion or no religion. Just being baptized does not mean she’s forced to stay in that sector of religion or any religion

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Babies are already innocent souls…
Baptism before she has a fully developed brain and can make her own decisions for herself is kind of pointless… If you understand what being baptized means, you should understand why I’m saying that. No disrespect.
No judgment.
But when it comes to religion, people definitely need to research before they make these kind of decisions. I was baptized as a little girl in to a Baptist church and then removed my membership a few years later after I started to study too become a Jehovah’s witness.
I did not understand what baptism meant until I was much older.

If it’s so important why is he making babies and not married. Oh I know …like most they pick and choose what works for them then make excuses for the other things. Just sayin

You 100% have a say in your child’s religious beliefs. I’m more concerned about his lack of empathy for your beliefs. There are many comments here saying, Oh it’s HIS beliefs. It’s important to HIM It’s just a baptism it’s not going to hurt any body.
What about YOUR beliefs? Do YOU want YOUR child baptized in a religion you know nothing about? Would you be allowed to participate if your not a member?
Again I’m not Christian, I don’t understand the belief that an innocent child can’t get into heaven unless water is sprinkled and chants spoken. Many religions wait until the child is older, as way to welcome them into their church. Some need to be adults to make that decision themselves.
This is your baby, YOU have a say.

Strict catholic
That’s
A christening

Whether or not you agree on your faith probably should be discussed long before a pregnancy but that said, he is putting God first so that is a great sign. Cindy Evans is 100% spot on

…something like this should definitely be discussed before bringing a life into the world. How would you feel if the situation was reversed and he was telling you no?

Don’t you think you should have had this discussion much sooner? In my opinion… If you are with someone who is a religious person and you have a child you accept that religion will be in that child’s life. You’re seriously going to argue about it a month before the baby was born? Knowing in your words “how much it means to him and his religion”… So you’ve known and are aware of some of his beliefs. You didn’t bother getting to know anything about his religion before this. You’ve been pregnant 8 months but now you want to do something against what you know he would want the whole time? Gtfo

This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I feel a child should not be baptized until they understand why they’re being baptized. Sprinkling water and saying words doesn’t guarantee you a first class ticket to heaven. You still have to live a good life you still have to do the things that are required. That water doesn’t absolve you from every single sin you are about to commit in your life.

This is why you have these conversations before you get knocked up…

In the Catholic faith, Baptism is the first rite, later will come First Communion, and then Confirmation. To believers it is everything, to non-believers it means nothing. Let him have this special blessing for the baby. You might learn to love the faith too and convert at some point.

I’m an atheist 100% but my lack of faith shouldn’t trump his faith

when you first went out with him & when you guys started itno this relationship, all of this & these things should have been discussed, so you both were on the same page,

Just do it and be happy. Your child can make up their mind when they are older… but Catholics need this to feel secure their child is headed to heaven. Not a huge political statement just a little water in the head. Be kind and just do it.

Before a child gets baptized im pretty sure you have to go to church a few times b4 it happens at the end of the day dad has the same rights as you do also be positive about it its a great thing to celebrate your childs birth with family and friends there is no written contract that your child is to be that certain religion just go with the flow enjoy the birth of your child dont fret over things like this xx i wish you well and stay strong xx

If he really cared about his religion, yall would be married.

You really should have thought all this through and gotten to know your boyfriend’s lifestyle before getting pregnant

Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t sex before marriage a sin in y’all’s sky daddy’s eyes? If his faith is so strong and he’s very strict in his religion and he demands the baby get baptized bc of it then why are y’all having sex before y’all are married? Ooohhh I forget y’all get to pick and choose which parts you want to follow and push on ppl!!! :joy::joy::joy:

You married a religious man and made a baby with him. I’m not sure what else you expected. He’s not wrong and neither are you. But this should’ve been worked out before having a child.

He’s super religious but had a baby out of wedlock??

So basically—you gave birth and feel entitled to any and all decisions regarding SHARED child? Do you want your husband to be a father? And considering wisely how many children are without a father? Do you want your husband to be provide for his family? Do you want your husband to even be happy and crest a happy home for you and your kids? You’re not a ruler. Or dictator. Let the husband have ONE thing. If you respect his religion, than respect it actually. And there is no reason why you can’t do both. Kid won’t remember or probably care anyway. And she’ll also probably grow up atheist and hate religion with two parents with conflicting views.

Whereas you aren’t religious—you should not care. I’m not religious and I don’t care. I used to. I got mad once when I was younger and my 15 year old was 5 when her step mother brought her to church and have her a bible without permission. Turns out—my daughter never went again and could care less. Silly ceremonies aren’t going to hurt anything. Learn to choose your styles and let things go. Marriage is hard enough in todays world. Don’t make in first and be apart of the embarrassing statistic

If he’s so religious, and a Catholic no less, why is he having premarital sex & wanting to baptize a baby out of wedlock? You certainly deserve a say in this. I would flat out refuse!! How unfair not to respect your wishes! Or want to compromise in this matter.

Go along with it. If you’re not into religion, then it shouldn’t matter to you. It does matter to him.

You didn’t know he was Catholic & wants his children baptized when you got pregnant?

These are all things y’all should have discussed before marriage and children

He can’t be that strict I. His religion if he had sex before marriage

He’s not that religious if he’s having a baby before marriage. Honestly let him have it, it doesn’t lock her into the religion she can learn and decide on her own

These are things you should have discussed before having a baby together

No child should ever be baptized until they’re old enough to make the decision IMO but I also believe it’s nothing more than being splashed with some water so…

It’s just some water on a child’s head or the child is dipped in the water depending on how they do it. If it’s not your faith then it literally means nothing. Let him do it if it makes him feel better. But ur kid will choose their religious beliefs when they are older. So to save a headache let the church bathe the child. I had both my kids baptized just so my mom and grandma weren’t worried about their souls. Lol meant nothing to me because I’m not a Christian but it did to them.

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What is stopping you from going to Roman Catholic church? Lol

You should have discussed this BEFORE you decided to have a baby with him.

Your boyfriend?!? so his standards are to not marry you but baptize your child out of wedlock?!? Just want to be clear… :smiling_face_with_tear::flushed:

Do you have a religion if not then i don’t see the harm in, I’m Catholic but my partner isint and it was important to me to get our girls baptised as I was and because I wanted them to go to a Catholic school, my partner wasn’t keen at first but cause he dosnt follow an religion he let me have my wish cause he knew how important it was for me, if you don’t follow a religion then what’s the harm in letting your partner have his wish it’s obv important to him

My question is why haven’t you went and found out about it if it’s a huge concern to you? You should of discussed these matters before you got pregnant.

I definitely think you should try learning more about it. Talk to him and be honest that you do not know much about the religion. That you really want to understand why it is so important for your child to be baptized and that you will look into it. I know catholic churches offer basic christianity classes that will explain why. If you are genuine about being his partner then you need to know why his religion is so important to him.

I would say don’t unless u learn more but i would say no because he is saying you have no say in the matter. Ur supposed to respect him when he doesn’t respect you? Does he go to church every Sunday? Does he pray every night? Does he pray before he eats? He obviously sins we all do and he did have sex before marriage. There r so many unanswered questions. With baptizing ur saying u will raise ur child catholic so is he going to be taking ur child to church all the time and ccd classes ? There is a lot to learn about and consider. Baptism was always important to me until I got in to the Bible and realized God wants you baptized when you get saved now dedication is important to me which is basically the same thing only the baby gets prayed over and it’s the parents saying I give my child to my lord

it is more “symbolic” for the baby. IT won’t harm her and she sure won’t remember. For the family it represents a promise to raise the child as a Christian. Are YOU able to do that is the main question here???Does he attend church regularly? I see this as a very positive thing from Dad.

It’s not a big deal. To him it’s going to save his baby’s soul. He really believes that the baby will go to he’ll if it doesn’t get baptized. It’s a comfort to him because he believes so deeply. If he wants that I would let him have it. It’s not anything bad and it doesn’t mean your kid needs to be super religious. All it is a prayer and some water on their head and that will make him feel better about the souk of your child making it to heaven. Just let him have that. You should have talked about all of this before having a child. But now it’s come up and it’s really not that serious.

Sounds like you knew how important it is to him long before you got pregnant with his child maybe you should watch who you have children with if you don’t share the same values

Can’t hurt to baptise your baby but really ,how religious is your boyfriend ?

Proves what bull shit religion is you can have a child out of marriage but he wants the child baptised ffs

He can’t just force your baby to get baptized. The baby is not his and the baby is not urs. Both of yours… Definitely should hv been discussed beforehand but things happenm I would talk to him, let him know your feelings and he can tell you his feelings. I would also tell him that he doesn’t get to decide but both of you do. You need to make sure he understands that the baby is not just his and you hv just as much right to make decisions as he does. I would then research the church, his faith etc. But in the end, it’s just water :droplet: for those who don’t believe it, so I would let him know that you will think about it, go to hos church, etc and let him know that he is not going to tell you what he is going to do. I would then tell him a week before baby is due that he can go ahead and get her/him baptized but he is never going to threaten you again by telling you what he will and will not do. But if you absolutely are against it then simply don’t do it. Don’t let him watch baby alone if you think he would do it behind your back. Just remember though communication, trust, compromise and respect is what relationships should be based on and tell him that too. What he is saying isn’t ok. He is threatening you that he will do it no matter what, that’s the issue. Tell him he should hv just said he wanted to talk about it, explain why etc. He sounds like he is controlling, hopefully not. His intentions mean well but the way he is going about it is not ok.

I get exactly where u r coming from. I was raised in a catholic church and truly it’s almost like a brainwashing imo ur taught from a young age that u will not make it to heaven if u do or don’t do certain things…. Getting baptized assures that in a tragic event the child will make it to heaven. In my reality a child is innocent and will make it to heaven but in the Catholic Churches eyes u must be baptized so when I had my first son I lied to a priest went to church for as many weeks as he required me to so that my son could be baptized and then I got him baptized and never went back all that just to make sure he would go to heaven if something happened…. I will always allow my child to choose what they feel is right as they get older…. I say let him have his peace with a baptism it truly won’t hurt anything at all. Just my opinion. Hope u find the answer that is best for your family. Loved

You guys should have discussed this before you got pregnant… just sayin

If he was a good Catholic he would not have engaged in premarital sex. The Catholic priests get away with atrocities that they should not, they don’t encourage reading and understanding the Bible, church to them is a ritual. Although I left the Catholic church when I was 11 after being told there was no way I could get into heaven because my parents divorced, that no praying or good acts would save my eternally damned soul I don’t expect they have changed much. Let him baptize the baby, it will not harm her and is not worth the fight and resentment. Go to church with him, learn about the religion that is important to him, it will help the relationship.

If you don’t want your child baptized, then no. Where was his religion when you had a baby but weren’t married? Sorry, but my answer would be no. Good luck!

You won’t go to church for one day and know

Some religions. Catholic I believe is the one. They believe that you won’t get into Heaven unless you are Baptized.

I know a lot of people have bad things to say about God. But it’s still what some believe in. And as long as it isn’t being forced on you.
Which this is (by proxy) he should at least hear you and help you understand why it’s important to him.
I understand why it’s important to him. And what he’s failing to tell you is it’s SYMBOLIC
It all symbolizes something.

Depending on how they do it. In Christianity the Pastors do several all at once
They have a bucket of Holy Water. Tab some on their heads. Say a prayer and then usually the families go their own ways and celebrate.

It will do nothing but good for her.
There’s no representation. So no one will know unless you tell them

Do your research. I’m not Catholic but my religion is close. If you have questions. I’ll do my best to help. And I’ll Pray. Good luck!

Very strict with his religion but has s€x outside of marriage and has a baby out of wedlock but wants a baptism :joy: he’s a bloody joke. Don’t do something that he wants when he’s a hypocrite. And if you have no say, run. Any real man would respect their baby’s mother’s wishes as well.

I’m wondering if he takes his religion so seriously why you are pregnant in the first place. Isn’t sex outside of marriage a sin. Seems like another hypocrite to me

You baptize after belief and a baby is not aware to believe 

I was Born raised and baptized Roman Catholic With catholic school till gr10 I no longer am a practising Catholic it’s a hypocritical religion designed to make yo7 feel guilt, sin all week and ask for forgiveness on Sunday. That being said it won’t make any difference to you or your child if your boyfriend has the baptism. It will be a cute ceremony. I promise you it won’t hurt anyone. I still believe God, but that religion part plays no roll.

Get the kid baptized. It’s all a bunch of made up stuff anyways.

I had a Catholic straight up tell me I was condemning my baby to hell if they weren’t baptized. Like what

I’m not religious but my kids great grandparents pushed the issue for like two years so I finally said fuck it and got them baptized lol