My boyfriend is poly and I need advice

So I’m in a relationship with a man who is poly. Here lately I’ve been feeling lonely and like I haven’t been getting the time and attention I deserve…. Last night he came to me and said he wanted to ask this girl out. Okay cool ya know at least he came to talk to me first about it right? Well any ways I told him that at this point in time I just lost my dad in February. Dropped all contact with my toxic mother. Plus some. I’m not mentally stable for this and I don’t think he understands especially because I brought a child into the relationship that he claims as his . How can I get him to understand l? I just almost feel betrayed. Then this chick starts pretty much telling me that she’s already dating him and he is telling me know. And he has never lied to me

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend is poly and I need advice - Mamas Uncut

Did you know he was poly before you started a relationship with him ?

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If your boyfriend is poly and you are not, this relationship may not be a good fit for you and that’s ok.

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You deserve what you tolerate

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Sounds like an open honest relationship to me.

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If you entered into the relationship knowing he is poly… You saw this coming. If this isn’t something you can handle, and I know I couldn’t, exit the relationship.

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Obv if youre not 100% on board… time to find someone new.

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he is poly and you aren’t, you can’t force him into anything & he has been completely honest with you, you need to leave the relationship for both your sakes

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Sounds like the relationship isn’t the right fit for you…

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We’re you informed that he was poly before starting the relationship?!

Girl, just run! You know deep down inside that this just doesn’t feel right. :pray:

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Personally you shouldn’t be in that relationship, period.
You’re trying to change him when you should have known you weren’t going to fully be enough from the get go.

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Nope. Or get yourself another boyfriend… Two can play this game.

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When are women gonna learn to stop bringing me. Around their children? Especially if they are unsure of the relationship?

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You feel neglected and need support and his solution is to go get another girl? Time for him to go.

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And you put up with this why?!?! :woozy_face::woman_facepalming:

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I mean what did you expect going into this relationship?

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Unfortunately, this is the world he lives in. While some people find this lifestyle good for them, some wont. I believe a relationship between two people tend to be much stronger and more sincere, but, that’s me. This will always be an issue for you. He doesn’t care. So, if you don’t like this arrangement, you should leave now. As it grows, he could possible get another woman pregnant and they decide to raise the baby with you along with you having a baby and raising it too. It gets complicated. But, those that chose poly are ok with it. So, maybe take some time and reflect upon the values that you want for you, your future and your kids (if you chose to have them). If this type of relationship isn’t it, you should move on before your heart is too vested in it.

Break up with him, or accept him. He should be able to do what he wants. Clearly you’re unhappy. Didn’t you know he ewas poly when you started dating him?

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If you already feel you’re not stable enough to handle it, then you’re not. Don’t force yourself to be ok with what he’s doing. You deserve to be happy. My advice, would be to tell him you no longer are comfortable with the situation. See if he’s willing to only dedicate himself to you. If not, then he isn’t the one.

If you knew he was Poly entering the relationship, this was to be expected. And if it’s not something you can deal with, I couldn’t, then it’s time to leave. As bad as this sounds, is it really your dad passing that is making you say no or your using it as am excuse to say no because your not ok with it?

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This is stupid! Honestly if you all aren’t so concerned with being “woke” y’all would be raking this mofo over the coals for being a cheater. Great he’s an honest cheater but still a CHEATER!!! This type of “relationship” never works out and usually ends up making HUGE medical and emotional problems. Furthermore is that the example you want to show your child as to how a woman should be treated??

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Sounds like he was honest with you. If you don’t consent, and he doesn’t want to compromise what was agreed upon in the start, then leave.

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That’s not poly that’s cheating. Poly is all about openness and consent consent consent from all parties.

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If you aren’t comfortable with him being with other people and giving them attention then you need to get out of the relationship and find a monogamous person instead.

Did you know he was poly before you started the relationship, or did he go behind your back and then use poly as an excuse for his cheating? Because in an actual healthy poly relationship, communication and honesty is vital. “Polybombing” someone with a new relationship dynamic after getting caught cheating is so gross.

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You knew he is poly so why enter the relationship but just leave

You should move on especially if you’re not into poly relationships.

In this kind of a relationship, you have to have mutual respect for each other’s feelings… If it’s not the right time for BOTH of you then he needs to respect that.

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I don’t know if this relationship is for you … Sounds like , you may want a monogamous relationship… one thing I have learned with time… Don’t waste your limited time on earth being in a relationship that you are not happy in… good luck

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Don’t walk …… RUN!! Now

Dump him
This lifestyle not for you
Looks like

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I don’t have any advice really, but if you’re not feeling it and feel disrespected that’s a sign that it’s not the relationship for you…at least at this time.
Honestly tho, it seems like you’re not ok at all with the poly aspect of your partner and it’s a hard limit. He shouldn’t have to do without what he wants, and same goes for you, especially if you went into this knowing about it… it’s perfectly ok to think you’re up for something and later realize its just not for you. Just be honest about it…live and learn

We are poly. But when our relationship isn’t getting what it needs (between work, kids, and responsibilities, it happens), we don’t pursue new partners. We focus on the relationships that already exist.
Regardless of him meeting your child, he isn’t giving you what you need. This new female sounds toxic. You need to walk away.

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That doesn’t sound poly, everyone poly I know enters their relationships honestly

Their is a reason this doesn’t feel right and that’s because it’s not :thinking::warning::woman_facepalming:t3::pray:t2: people need to listen to your body and mind and your conscience more we were not made for multiple partners we were made for one that’s why we have these feelings :persevere: he’s playing you and your letting him find a real man and move on before you get aids or some kind of STD and don’t teach your child that this is healthy you are setting an example for your child’s future do you want them to go threw this pain as well :disappointed: get out he’s not good and he is going to drag you down in his sinking shit ps highly suggest athey creek on YouTube it will help your heart I promise and give you the peace you are needing girl theirs so much more to life

You knew from the jump , maybe it’s time for you to leave

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If you knew he was poly from the beginning then I dont know what to tell ya girly. He was honest from the get go.

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Feeling the way that you do. If they wanna for you on top of, what about your child? How is he feeling? Is he getting enough attention from the both of you?

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If you feel betrayed it’s because you betrayed yourself. The poly relationship isn’t for you at this time. Be honest with yourself and you would know exactly what to do.

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I’ve never know a relationship like this to work out /:

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Why are you in a relationship with a poly when you aren’t one? Honey that’s a recipe for total heart obliteration

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It doesn’t sound like you are a happy in a one sided poly relationship? If you aren’t then I would end it. Take it as a lesson as who you introduce your child to as well.

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Don’t mean to be rude but seriously love?! You got into a relationship with a man you knew dated more than one woman and brought a child into that relationship and you feel betrayed……you need to walk away

Here is the thing (I have never been in a poly but have multiple friends who have been) at the end of the day your relationship should come first. Mentally, emotionally, so maybe you should explain in a way that he gets it. Something like “I really need you right now. Can we put the poly aside for a moment and just be us?” Then sit down and talk so he gets it.

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I wouldn’t have brought a child into the relationship knowing he was poly…. It’s end it. It’s not healthy for a child to see this type of behavior.

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Ewww. Run, don’t walk!

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So… my husband and I are poly… so my best advice to you is talk to him. Be open, however you knew he was poly when you got into the relationship. So can you really feel cheated, betrayed or any of those things because you knew his relationship status and beliefs. Its kinda like trying to say your not comfortable in the relationship because he gets coffee from Starbucks and you get yours from Dunkin donuts.

However, maybe explain to him that you support his choices but now isn’t a good time. If he continues and pushes forward then maybe you should think about exiting the lifestyle. Maybe it’s just not for you. Trust me it’s not for everyone, however even in poly relationships, there are boundaries and understanding.

But maybe you should also embrace her and look at her like someone else you can love, and lean on.

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Nahhh… he’s not the one for you! The right man will never make you feel that type of way. If he’s not meant for you then the longer you wait the more hurt you will be.

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Red flag big red flags leave him now he’ll only break your heart

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What in the heck is poly???

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Doesn’t poly only work if both of you are poly :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

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Have respect for yourself forget him

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Obviously, he HAS lied to you. Run girl!

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Y’all on different paths baby.

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So are you also poly or is it just him? Was this the lifestyle when you first met and he became the father to your kid?
If you can’t get on board with an open relationship it probably isn’t for you.
Did you think you was going to change him?

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Well you knew what you was getting into before you started dated him and if you dont want to share your man then by all means leave and do what makes you happy.

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You can not get him to understand. He understand or he doesn’t, his choice. My advice, find someone else

He told you he was poly. You knew what you were getting into. You can’t expect him to change now

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Just tell him no, polygamy only works if all parties are involved. he just sounds like he full of shit and would most likely cheat on you.

I’d leave , u deserve more

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So he wasn’t being upfront about the situation. Everyone’s relationship has different uncrossable line so those need to be defined before hand, ESPECIALLY if it’s an open relationship whether that be on one side or both. If he’s lying now I would take that as a good indication to start the transition of separating.

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Poly is not for everyone. If you aren’t Poly yourself you should not try and squeeze yourself into a poly mold, all that will do is hurt your own feelings and confuse you and your partner.

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You will never work out. Stop trying. You want two totally different things. Quit bending where you don’t want to. Move along

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Just because he hasn’t lied doesn’t mean it is what feels right for you. Some can do poly -most can’t. Maybe you need time for you and your child to heal before heading into another relationship

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Time for you dump that relationship

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Run!!! And never turn back!!!

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If you don’t like poly get out now don’t try to change him

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To the curb! To the left! Ditch his ass.

Thit’s a bunch of nope

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When you say his Poly I feel the sense that this is something he discussed with you already it’s your choice to go with it or not as you will have many moments such as this

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You knew he was poly. If you cant do it then you gotta move on.

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I have no advice apart from being completely baffled by poly itself :see_no_evil: why be in any relationship if you want to go off with others in between, blows my mind! To me it’s an excuse to do as you please with no commitment and you deserve better than that :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Kids first… Focus on your kid and YOU. Not this circus relationship.

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If you aren’t happy with sloppy seconds ditch this guy, grieve your dad, and get your life straight and then to find a decent man.

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What :joy:
You knew what you were getting into.
You can’t expect him to change now.
If you don’t like it. Leave.

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Maybe it’s the evil Gemini in me, but I say go grab yourself a man to show off to your poly boyfriend and see how the cards flip. Then you have your answer. The answer will always be in you, you just gotta find clever ways to reveal it

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The problem with most people defending the Poly relationship is not being open to her about it. Both parties should be okay with it. If he was already dating without discussing it first then it’s still cheating. :person_shrugging:

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Sounds like he is using polyamory to cheat. I could be wrong, but regardless he is crossing boundaries by not being forthright with you. I would leave. That is harmful to you, and to the poly community

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Walk away - find peace in your life, this will never work out

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He’s poly? No. He’s a cheater. You’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache. Run. Fast and Far.

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You knew he was poly when you got with him. Honestly he doesn’t sound like the one for you if you don’t want the poly lifestyle. You’ll be unhappy with it, he’ll be unhappy without it and just not tell you anymore when there’s someone else he wants to date. It sounds like it’s time for both of you to move on.

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If you can handle that kind of relationship, get out.
He won’t change. It’s not easy. I’m in one myself but I’m the only one ok with sharing, while the other woman is very much against it.
but when I don’t get that time, it’s irritating.

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If that sorta relationship isn’t for you. You should leave and find someone else. It’s hard especially when you’ve got a child involved. Not everyone can wants or can deal with a poly relationship

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Omg, I could never. I hate sharing

What exactly do you need him to understand? If he doesn’t fit into your lifestyle, find someone who does.

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Seems like yall will not work out, nor the other girls will because looks like she’s trying to push you out (meaning she’s not ok with another woman being there either )

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Poly is not supposed to hurt like this. He isn’t good for you. You aren’t ever supposed to add to your relationship if the existing ones you have are on shaky footing and you aren’t supposed to conceal the presence of new people either.

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You’re in a relationship with a horndog that uses bring poly as an excuse to cheat on you. Poly is nothing new, this was called free love in the 60’s.

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Wtf?! One person in the relationship cannot be poly. That’s just openly cheating at that point. You need to get your kid and your :poop: and get out.

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This doesn’t sound like a healthy poly relationship. Communication and understanding is key in poly relationships. If he isn’t willing to work on that, maybe you both have to go find something better suited for both yall.

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In poly relationships, it’s all about trust and communication. He isn’t respecting either of these two vital rules of having a healthy relationship. Speak your peace, but if he just doesn’t get it and wants to continue on, you should then consider being on your own with your daughter. You need comfort and understanding while coping from these two events with your parents. If you can’t get what you need…why stay and prolong the pain and teach your daughter these faulty qualities when entering her own relationships later in life.

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You knew he was poly. You accepted the fact. He can’t change that even if it’s you

If you’re not poly yourself, leave… You know that he is and if that’s not for you there’s no point staying.

That’s not how poly works. They should both be supportive of you and your needs. She should either offer to help you or wait to be in the relationship.
Your bf should help you.
If he isn’t fulfilling your current needs then you need to discuss ending the relationship and why.

From the way it sounds your bf is non monogamous
Not poly
Those are different. Poly every one is there to help each other. Non monogamous is having multiple separate relationships

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Ok first if you are not poly then it was a doomed relationship from the get go.
Yes he has lied to you multiple times.
If baby is not his? It’ll be easier to walk away.
Leave and fix yourself before getting into another relationship.
Think of your kid and yourself.
A poly is not a good example for your kid nor you. My opinion a poly is a greedy person who wants his cake and eat it too.
A person who can not commit or make a decision.
Get out and start over e you and your kid.
Best of luck in what ever you decide

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Please I don’t understand

No point in staying if you aren’t compatible. Clearly what he wants/likes bothers you. It’s not going to change. Find someone who is only into dating one person at a time or be alone for a bit.

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He should at least understand and give you time to process even if it’s poly it’s all about communication and understanding I would sit down and talk to him again and be blunt and honest about what you feel. Establish a schedule if that will help