I have three children from previous relationships and am dating this guy. My kids call him dad, and he has stepped up tremendously. However, I have an issue, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or what- I feel that he doesn’t respect my kids. My middle child refuses to eat meat (he’s 4 yrs) he says it makes him sad that it’s an animal I say it’s his body and I’m not going to force him to eat something like that if he chooses not to, but he doesn’t get anything else, my boyfriend says I need to force him to eat it. He says he’s a child and doesn’t get to make choices like that. He says he’s just a child he needs to do as I (we) say. I’m so lost on this topic. We fight about it constantly, and I just don’t know what to do anymore- any advice?
Your the mom if he don’t want to eat it don’t make him period my son doesn’t eat meat either so what they don’t want it
Ugh yeah you can’t force people to eat something they don’t want to. That’s torture.
Yeah, no.
That’s toxic as fuck.
Children can make their own choices. Especially ones like that.
Please DO NOT force them to eat meat if they don’t want to.
Honestly I would dump him.
Dump him. He’s crazy. Those are your kids. And he’s 4. Dont traumatize him. Jeez.
Food is something you should never punish over. If he wants to not eat meat then let him there are other ways to get what he needs.
I do think you guys need to come together as a unit other wise he will get walked all over.
Well you messed up when you let him think he was a father meaning he can parent YOUR children. Your boyfriend shouldnt be playing daddy until he knows how to handle children.
Either he respects you and your children or he would be gone . My husband made it very clear when we started dating his kids were #1 and either I understand that or it’s not going to work . He does 99% of decisions and discipline when it comes to them . We now have 2 other children and I treat them all the same but after 8 1/2 years I would never over step him or decide something when I know how he feels about the situation
Not his kids not his place.
No!! You can’t force them to eat… there are textural issues with kids too where theu will gag
And he is setting the stage for eating disorders in the future
He needs to stop acting like they are things to be controlled
Obedience at this age is especially important. If you allow them to call him dad and allow him to take the father role, then that is part of it.
4 year olds have feelings too that can effect their whole lives…
no. you do not need to force your kid to eat meat. as long as your child is eating and healthy then it is NO ONE’S concern but yours. does your bf also try to control you in other ways? or your kids? if yes, please dont deal with it anymore or it will get worse. you can try and coax your child to eat new and different foods, but to force is another thing. you just need to do what you feel is right for you and the kids.
If you don’t want a significant other making parenting decisions then you probably aren’t as ready as you thought you were for a relationship. Including your significant other in parenting decisions is important for all of you if you really want him in your life.
I would have him try it once if he doesn’t like it then no
It is your child. And tbh until he actually has a child of his own will he truly understand what you mean. Throw the whole dude away 
Your kids not his… this shouldn’t even be a question.
Allow your kids to call him dad but don’t let him act like a dad? Ya, you have the problem, not him.
That’s cruel. Don’t make your kid put anything in his body he doesn’t want to. Show him that you respect his body and listen to his concern so he will do the same to you and others. Your bf should respect you and your son enough to understand that. This is how resentment can start.
It’s YOUR children, he has a line he cannot cross and that is one of them. If that child doesn’t want meat, so what. Give him extra veggies. Support him. Don’t allow anyone to break him down because he disagrees with his choices. Don’t back down mama. Simply tell him how you feel and why you’d rather allow the choice. You’re not making him a whole new meal and allowing him to omit meat, nothing wrong with it.
You’re the mom, when he sticks around and plans to make a family then he can have an input. However TF you have your kids calling him dad if he can’t be a/the dad he is trying to be. Sounds like you need to talk that out big time. Sounds like you give him the title but wanna do it by yourself…
Take your son shopping for food he will eat and then that’s what he has to eat. You can’t be “hes not their father so blah blah.” Everyone has to be all in the blended family mindset or it wont work. I know this is about food, but if it’s one thing it could also be another.
Never let kids call your BF Dad until you’re sure he’s going to stick around long enough to PARENT the tough shit. Food is going to be the least of your problems. They are your kids. Period.
Look up Division of Responsibility with your boyfriend
Don’t make them eat stuff they don’t want. Try to get them to try it if they won’t don’t make them.
If you allow your children to call him Dad, then he has equal say when it comes to parenting. You can’t have it both ways… you have to compromise somehow just like those of us who argue with the actual children’s father. He’s stepped up and you allowed him to, so accept your choices and move forward or reverse your choices and move on.
Father , stepfather . Friend . Grand father . Uncle . Doesn’t matter . If the child doesn’t want tk eat the meat then by all means don’t force him at all . That is a form of child abuse . Don’t even force a child to eat what they don’t like . You can ask him to try it 2-3 times before making a final decision. You force a child to eat something they don’t like they will regret and carry hate for life
…
I mean if he stepped up and your kids call him dad, maybe he should be treated like one! Not saying either one of you are right, but this requires a serious discussion… And for you to stop the mentality of “MY KIDS” if he acts like and is referred to as DAD! 💁
Do you need to force your kids to bathe, do homework yes! Eat meat? Nope! It’s okay for kids to make decisions about what goes into their body. If he was a pain and was a picky eater then sure I understand making a child eat. But if he eats well and just doesn’t want meat, respect that. Your boyfriend sounds inexperienced with children, and maybe needs to read up on the subject. Cause I know if my kids step parent was trying to force something on them, I’d be pissed.
Talk to his Dr. , don’t make him eat meat , but make sure he gets protein etc. In its place .
I have a 3 yr old that doesn’t want to eat her veggies but she eats veggie tots and veggie noodles
IMO always put your kids needs above your boyfriends. Your son can still be a healthy growing boy without consuming meat. If you all got on board with a vegetarian meal one night a week, you could all stand to gain the health benefits. Don’t let your boyfriend force you into being the kind of parent you don’t want to be. Stay strong momma.
I wouldn’t make him eat meat, I would make sure he is getting protien from other sources like protein rich vegetables, beans, nuts, etc. Also make sure he is on vitamins. You don’t need meat to be healthy and in my own past experience, being forced to eat something will make a huge aversion to it in the future.
A 4 year old is old enough to say no to something like that and it’s extremely normal for kids that age to reject meat
I was the same way when I was younger and my mom tried to make me eat stuff I didn’t like. And it didn’t work. I am still extremely picky to this day. And there are a lot of things I will still not eat. Feed that baby some vegetables. Don’t make him eat meat.
I think all kids go through a I don’t want to eat meat phase (could be a phase or it could not). I would definitely not force him to eat meat if he doesn’t one to. I was forced fed tuna as a child and now the smell makes me nauseated. As long as your child is getting all the nutrients needed via a non-meat diet, he will be fine.
I have two thoughts: you can’t have it both ways, you can’t want your kids to call him daddy then act surprised when he gives his opinion as a daddy
But, if it were my SO, I’d also say that we shouldn’t force him to eat something he doesn’t want to, especially if it’s a moral stance the child is taking about animals. And he absolutely gets a choice over what he puts in his body, there are other sources of protein he can eat
Tell bf that when it comes to something like that…its a solid reason, and there are many alternatives for your son to have it may be a phase or he may just never want to eat meat. It’s his choice. I would not force it. How long have you been with this guy???
You said they call him dad and hes amazing…and that’s great, but this issue shouldn’t be an issue at all. Kid doesnt want meat because it upsets him that it’s an animal, then that’s it. He needs to step off this one. Its literally not a big deal…let the child choose on this. Does the child eat all his meals no problem (not including meat of course)??? If yes…then who cares.
Those are YOUR kids, not his. HE DOESN’T NEED TO BE MAKING ANY DECISIONS WHEN IT COMES TO THEM. No discipline, No decisions, No nothing. THOSE ARE YOUR CHILDREN.
Your son’s doctor will completely disagree with what your boyfriend is trying to do by force feeding him meat.
If you let them call him dad then they are his kids now you too try new recipes and let the little one help
Besides if you for e him to eat you will be mad when you have to clean it up when he throws it up
Leave the kid alone some kids don’t like meat I don’t like meat the boy friend must have raised a shit load of kids to be a no it all
My one 4 year old rarely eats meat, but he didn’t like it when he was little either. Occasionally he will, but I don’t force it. If your son is eating everything else, there shouldn’t be a big issue. I understand you say he stepped up to be a dad, but at the same time they are your kids. I have 3 stepkids and I know ultimately my husband over rules me. 99.9% of the time we’re on the same page, back each other up, & talk things out, but on the extremely rare occasion he puts his foot down, that’s his choice. Sounds like your bf needs reminding that he can voice an opinion but you get the final say.
Fuck no every child has a choice he needs parenting classes period!!
Don’t go two different ways, either he is dad as you said, and he has those rights, or set the rules. They shouldn’t be calling him dad. And he shouldn’t have any parental rights. Does he support the children,?? To many questions to be answered in lieu of an answer
Well I don’t see how you can force a four-year-old to eat meat if they don’t like it give them extra veggies and peanut butter and it doesn’t matter if it’s actual Dad saying it or a boyfriend if he doesn’t like it he doesn’t like it and if you force him to eat it you’ll probably probably be cleaning barf up later
If they call him dad they are now YOUR GUYS kids, not just yours. Don’t play that card, it’s not fair and it’s a slap in the face to him.
What you could try doing, is finding a compromise …speak to your son about what he is willing to at least try… ask your boyfriend what his ideal compromise would be. There is some middle ground here, he’s not wrong neither are you. But you’re son also has a voice, If that boy truly doesnt want to eat meat (most likely a phase that will soon pass) then don’t force him to.
I think maybe it’s about his health, like meat is a good source of protein, and if your son tells you that which of course is obviously what’s going on in his little mind but then again he might do that with other things when he doesn’t feel like eating them. And i dont get all the dramatic comments. If you have allowed your kids to call him dad. Allow him to have his input doesn’t mean you have to go with what he says. But it sounds like he’s trying to be a parent. And your going to have to make a diet plan for your son to get protein else where. Not his kid not his place is so stupid if you Allowed him in your child’s life and he stepped up you can’t pick and choose what he can and can’t have a say in, it’s unfair. Just talk to him. Loads of parents don’t agree on things but it’s unfair to use the fact he’s not biologically his father when you’s disagree especially if he’s trying to be a good father figure. Just have conversation with him and try to see where he’s coming from and that might make you less angry and then explain why your doing what ever it is you choose. Just sounds like a lack of communication.
Come on 
…choose your kids over a man ANYDAY. It shouldn’t be difficult to decide.
Do you offer him something without meat in it? Forcing kids to eat with turn into bad eating habits resulting in an eating disorder. Their bodies will tell them they’re hungry even though they’re not. Or the complete opposite.
Men will come and go but your kids will always be there. He’s not his parent or even step parent, he doesnt get a say 
Don’t force your child. I have a picky eater myself and I dont force him to eat things he doesn’t want, but make sure that your child gets the benefits from a alternate source such as a vitamin or protein rich foods.
If you know your child doesn’t like to eat meat then don’t feed him meat but don’t tell him he doesn’t get anything else. Make him something different, or make him the same thing you guys eat but make a smaller portion without meat. Children are people too, they do get to make choices. You as the parent however guides the choices.
So hes allowed to be called dad but not act like a dad? If you’re having your children call him dad then he has equal rights to parenting. The moment you started having them call him dad was the day you decided he could have a say in parenting. Maybe start finding foods your child will eat that you can all eat together.
Do not force your kid to eat meat… as long as you are ensuring your kid is getting the protein he needs then eff your boyfriend.
When my step daughter was 4 I had this problem with her. I tried correcting here and there but ultimately it was easier giving her something she wanted rather than state at her plate and fall asleep hungry. As long as the child is still getting nutritional value in their diet it doesn’t matter what they eat to make it count
Also, don’t be forcing your kid to eat meat. That’s HIS choice. If he doesn’t want to, he doesnt have to
Sometimes when a child doesn’t want to eat something, it’s possible they could be allergic to it. I would take him to the doctor and have them either back you up or figure out what to do. Maybe a protein alternative. Youre the mother and I wouldn’t force anything until you get medical advice.
I agree with bf. At 4 your child shouldn’t be making those decisions. It’s up to you as parent to decide. Now if you’re fine with it then whatever… I personally wouldn’t allow my child to make that kind of decision till they are older.
Tell him to back off.
I think children have do have rights.
whether they are kids or not.
They certainly have a right over their own body.
And no one should be forced to eat meat.
it is sad.
the murdering and torturement and slaughtering of animals is awful.
and grinding them up and putting their dead bodies in our mouth is terrible.
and if that child is enlightened enough to know that.
he should not have to eat it.
And I absolutely would not put up with a man bossing my kids
I don’t care how good he was in other ways.
I’m not saying that to be judgy of you.
I totally get why you want a man
but this is exactly why I don’t even bother trying to have one.
It’s so much easier just raising kids without a man.
Because they always have to pull rank and boss the kids around
and tell you how to parent your own kids.
and I just can’t even stand that.
Even good guys do it.
But don’t listen to me. I never can get along with men cuz I cannot handle the conflict. I like a peaceful household and I don’t like to force kids to do things. Especially when it comes to things that you could let go. But men always want to get in some kind of power struggle with kids.
It’s like they become an older sibling who’s a bully to step kids.
for some reason .
And this weird immaturity seems to come out in men even if they’re not really bad guys
And I absolutely can not stand that dynamic.
It creates unnecessary stress in the household and it causes a riff between the parents and the children.
And there’s just no reason.
And it puts the mom in the middle because she doesn’t want to emasculate the man
but at the same time it feels really wrong to enforce a bunch of petty rules and be super authoritative with kids.
I really don’t like being alone.
But I cannot be constantly looking out for some man his big gigantic baby ego.
Been there done that.
Never again.
those are just my thoughts
I’m sure there’s some way to work it out
I just never could find anything that worked.
It’s super exhausting
He is 4!!! Your man needs to read up on how stubborn 4 year olds are. You are the PARENT not him! Tell him to step back.
As long as he’s willing to eat extra of everything else he’s served and you can find ways to replace the lost protein, I don’t see an issue… but he’s not my kid. You wanna keep blending families, you better figure out how to work through these issues. These kids don’t need anymore men leaving them behind.
boyfriends and/or stepdads may come and go but your children will only remember that you did not stand up for them
Firstly. Give the child pasta or something else if meat grosses him out. To bad what bf thinks.
I agree he has a right to helpyou parent… But you can’t force feed a kid or starve them if they don’t want to eat something. There are 3 things kids have control over. Eating, sleeping and potty. You can’t force any of these things. Compromise and make meals that are well balanced and can be eaten without the meat… He’s still a person and should have some respect.,
Ur going to run that good man off period thats not child abuse or anything to argue about. I like most others was raised to eat what you were thinking we weren’t given choices and if you’re giving you an option to act worst later
How can a parent make a child eat? Force feed them? Sounds like a good way to get an airway obstruction. The child will eat when hes hungry, I think my 5yo ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a year straight bc that’s all I could get him to eat. They grow out of it. Pick your battles and feed them what they will eat, get a multi vitamin and be done with it.
Make sure he’s still getting the protein he needs! Don’t force him to eat meat either that’s wrong. I’m all for the kids sorry
I’m a step parent and from the other side its hard to take on all that responsibility and give it your all but feel like your opinion doesnt matter. It makes me feel like I’m useful when he needs me to watch them, financially, emotionally and physically support and love them but doesnt care about my ideas on parenting and family. We now try to find common ground and find solution. For all we know this kid wont eat the meat and just eats mashed potatoes or fries for every meal. Just because he doesnt want meat doesn’t mean hes eating veggies and healthy vegetarian options. Maybe step dad is worried about his health.
So you’re going to tell your child it’s okay to not want to eat the meat, then tell him he doesn’t get anything else? That’s kinda messed up.
My son was a natural born vegetarian, and I never forced him to eat it. As he got older he did start eating some meat. As long as your child is getting proper nutrition, there should be no problem. There are plenty if plant sources available to get proper protein. Chia seeds are a good cheap source. Add to yogurt, oatmeal, salad dressings, smoothies.
Your boyfriend is wrong for that and you need to step up and defend your kids.
A child should not be forced to eat something they don’t want to.
My 5 year old doesn’t eat meat so he eats vegan patties for protein .
Do not make him eat it I went through that ask your bf how we he like it someone made him eat someone made him eat something he did not want ?
I would add vitamins to his diet and make a doctors appointment to make sure he is getting all the nutrition he needs and let him make that choice. As for the boyfriend you don’t force food down a child’s throat, its not like he is starving himself, he is just making a choice that I would support.
Do not force your child to eat meat. There are other options for protein. I think it’s great that your boyfriend has stepped up, but children need the freedom to make their own decisions where it can be afforded to foster independence and develop their personalities.
you need to stick up for your kid-dealbreaker for me-believe me I made many mistakes in my past relationships and you cannot take it back
My daughter didn’t eat meat for the first three years of her life. I never forced her. Did I influence her trying a bite yes. But if she said no then it’s no. I would give her peanut butter to help with the protein she was lacking from meat and also they make little drinks for kids who lack certain vitamins from foods they don’t drink and my daughter loves them. As far as him telling you how to raise your child…ABSOLUTELY NOT! My boyfriend who is not my daughters bio father would never tell me how to raise her. He gives me his opinion and leave it at that. If your boyfriend feels the need to tell you how to raise your child then he has no faith in you as a parent and that’s just not okay.
He is your kid at 4 if he doesn’t want meat don’t force him but make sure he is getting protein in his diet.
My son is almost 12 and rarely eats meat. I mean, he eats more now then before. But I also dont force the issue. I do ask that he try it. Most of the time I ask to eat a few bites and then he can be done. Meat is not the only source of protein. Nuts and eggs are also great sources.
There are plenty of ways to get protein without eating meat. Dont force your son. It’ll turn into an eating disorder. Tell your boyfriend to shut it. If he had any respect for you and your kids, he wouldn’t try to force food down your son’s throat.
Just saying you have to consider both sides. Blended families is SO hard
Don’t force feed a child. It will only lead to tears and anxiety for your child. There are plenty of meatless options out there. Be kind to your child, tell the boyfriend to grow up or move on!
I wouldn’t force my child to eat something they didn’t want to. There are plenty other ways to get protein and still be healthy. But it’s not right to let your kids call your Bf dad and not let him parent. You can’t pick and choose how he wants to parent that way. You all need to come to a compromise. Maybe keep trying to offer your child meat, but don’t force him to eat it.
Think of it this way. What if y’all get married or have a kid of your own. Y’all gotta parent together. But I wouldn’t make my kid eat meat if they didn’t want to.
So… He can be the dad… But not…“the dad” … Good luck with that
Wait a second here!! You’re not going to force him to eat it but he doesn’t get anything else? Did I read that wrong?! So you don’t force him but if he doesn’t he goes hungry? I’m a vegetarian and I have been since a young child also. There is absolutely no reason to force it on him when there are so many other things he can eat. It’s not like he is asking to get candy and cake. He just doesn’t want to eat meat? My daughters love their meat. I don’t force my vegetarian view on anyone and you shouldn’t force someone that doesn’t want to eat meat to eat meat. Poor baby!
Honestly, you can’t force your child to do anything they don’t like. So I wouldn’t. It’s just food. But I wouldn’t go all out of my way to fix him something different then the rest of the family. And the whole boyfriend part, it depends on how long you two have been together… 3+ years, I personally think he can verbally discipline, (like time outs, no video games, saying “NO” and so on) but when it comes to your childs BODY, i believe you have all the rights in the world to spank and feed them whatever you please.
He can help. But obviously has no children of his own. Your son can get protien other ways. Nobody should be forced to eat what they dont like.
Your boyfriend sounds like a dick. They’re YOUR kids. My daughter is 9 and she doesn’t eat meat (very rare occasions) we don’t force the subject and she actually went to feeding therapy when she was younger. She just doesn’t like the texture.
Don’t force him he may not like the feel of the texture in his mouth. children’s mouths change and what they accept or I don’t accept and taste changes with it
Force feeding is so wrong. Take a stand for your baby. And sit down and have a calm discussion with the boyfriend and let him know you stand firm in your parenting.
It’s normal to have a picky eater at that age and as long as you aren’t coming to order and he is healthy then let it go, maybe give him pb&j sandwiches for lunch to insure he’s getting protein but not eating meat isn’t the end of the world at that age and bf needs to ease up on this one. If bf doesn’t have kids if his own then he may not understand how it really is and that you pick your battles and he really does need to understand that they are your kids and he is there to help you not control them.
Mine was a vegetarian from 8 to 13. Her choice and she was perfectly fine. Dont force him to eat it
Imo you’re both wrong.
If your child won’t eat meat and can tell you his reasons for not wanting it then you both should respect his reasoning and offer him something that he can and will eat.
It sounds like you and your boyfriend really need to sit down and discuss some boundaries.
My 13 yo doesn’t eat much meat. On occasion he’ll have a burger (maybe 3/4 a year) or small pieces of bacon in one particular soup I make that he likes. He refused to eat meat as a baby as well. Would spit out, what seemed like, every single tiny piece of meat in the stage 2 baby food. His issue is not about the animals, rather he just doesn’t like it. However, he loves peanut butter, yogurt, milk, baked beans (which he thought were jelly beans until around 4), etc. He is very healthy and you can supplement with a vitamin, if you think you need, but I wouldn’t force him to eat it, especially if it’s because it’s emotional for him. That’s more than him just not liking something.
Me and my now husband. See differently with eating.
He says, they should eat what i make. And nothing else.
But with 2 kids, that have been low weight gain. I give them, choices.
If I know they don’t like something. They don’t have to eat it.
My son stopped eating meat at 2-4 then he started meat some meat by about 4½… we didn’t force him too we knew he would eat it when he was ready again and sure enough he did, he is still picky about what meats or even poultry he eats but he loves chicken and deer (yes we are a hunter family)… but don’t push him and tell your boyfriend that I’m not going to force him he will eat it when he is ready if I push him he will resent it…
I would never force him to eat anything he doesn’t want