My bf of 5 years just moved out due to using drugs and has chosen it over me or feels like it because when we’re together, he doesn’t even wanna try to work things out with me. He and I have two daughters together, both now go back and forth from my home to his moms (he lives with his mom now) every two days. He has lied so much to me about not using and no money. When we’re together, he’s always quiet and always looks out the window and doesn’t even try to look at me anymore. Me, I have been clean for 11 months now; I don’t wanna go back to that lifestyle either… what should I do??? Mind you; he’s a great father to our daughters. I don’t wanna move on, but it feels like imma have to??? Need some advice please this is killing me inside and losing hope
if he chooses to use and you are clean and dont wanna relaspe only way to is move forward and do whats best for your daughters.
See if he’ll get help
If it were me, i would move on. If you don’t want to be in that lifestyle, you have to take yourself out of that position. He won’t get clean until he’s ready. I wish you the best 
You need to move on. Your kids don’t need that in there lives!!! You don’t either. Keep positive.
Move on…
If you let your kids around drugs (whether he lives with his mom or not) you could also be charged (yes it can happen, and has happened)
Is he worth the potential of losing your kids???
Oh sweetie… you have to leave him. At least for now. If he gets clean and stays clean, you can try again. As much as you think he’s a good dad, a drug user is not. I’m speaking from the child’s point of view. Do not lose your sobriety over this. Your daughters need you.
Move on for yourself and your girls!
Stay strong and stay clean. Being around that kind of behavior when you’re so new to sobriety isn’t good for you or your children. They need a stable healthy parent. Let him go, advise him to get help and take care of yourself and your children. Congratulations on getting clean. I wish you the best!
Stay away from a relationship. Stay strong.
You don’t want to relapse sometimes you have to move on for yourself and for those sweet girls
Just worry about your own sobriety & your girls !!! You can’t change him he needs to want to be clean !
You answered your own question. He moved out and made his choice. It’s harsh but it’s the reality. Don’t subject your kids to that lifestyle because you’re gonna be a little lonely.
Move on. If you dont, he’ll suck you back into that lifestyle. Temptation is a bitch.
As for the girls, I personally wouldnt let them continue to go over there. Theres no doubt that hes a great dad, but if hes using around your daughter’s? I’d get them out of there before they catch him using.
Keep them away until he decides to get clean or set up supervised visitations.
If you are knowingly letting the kids go see him while he’s using drugs you can get in a lot of trouble so you need to cut him off completely from you and the children till he gets himself together if not y’all are going to lose the kids and you could possibly relapse and this is coming from a recovered addict
Go separate ways until can get clean
My husband n I have a lot of clean time n if he choose to use again n mess up I’d have leave until he got clean again cuz no way am I going to go back to that life n I’m sure my hubby feel same way
That Life not worth it
You answered your own question.
Move on.
For your sake move on
Let him go. Just do you and the kids. I have been there myself and kept taken my ex back when he was on drugs nothing good comes out of a toxic relationship.
Need to move on. You don’t want your children around that.
It’s not worth your sobriety. I will say him being on drugs does not make him a good father by any means. If he is using around your children at your job to protect them and not enable him as his mom seems to be doing. In the long run all it’s going to do is hurt your children
It doesnt matter how “good” of a father he is…what if your kids get stuck with one of his dirty needles? If you love your kids you dont subject them to that. A mother does whats right for her kids. You shouldnt have to ask a bunch of strangers if you should leave him, when its very clear…
You have no choice but leave because its just a matyrr of timr before he brings you down with him . Eventually yoi will relapse with him. I been in this situation and im in recovery myself. You have to leave for your kids and to keep your sobriety strong .
You’re clean, congratulations! You need to move on from him if he’s not being honest to you. You have two daughters to worry about, and if he’s still using then you have to let him go. Continue the supervised visits with the kids at his moms. But you need to live your life for you and your girls!!
Good for you. You have chose the right path stay on it. You an your children should be first an foremost. Be strong.
If you dont move on. And you aren’t both sober your girls are more likely to grow up thinking thats ok…then they could also struggle with addiction in their lifes.
It will not work… you will fall back into that lifestyle if your consistantly around someone who is using 11 months clean is not long an accomplishment but not long keep it up but stay away from him as long as hes using
Dont even look back.
Im second to nobody or anything. Move on and don’t look back
Definitely move on, you and your bf are no longer #1, your children are, and if he cant quit for them, then you need to leave the situation before they accidentaly get into his stash and then you are losing your kids. He might be a good dad but tell him until he can prove to be clean you do not need this around your children, if he is high and has them who isnt to say they get hurt somehow because he not as responsible as he would be sober. Get out of there, red flag all the way, your kids are who you need to think about, and even if he tries to get police involved tell them to do a drug test on your bf, and they will see he is not suited to be around them until he stops using. Kids are #1 right now, no one elses feelings matter, their safety is first.
You’re doing the best thing by focusing on you and keeping yourself clean. That is a major accomplishment, proud of you for that! It is going to be hard and be lonely for a bit but it’s best for you and your girls in the long run. If you truly feel like he is using and know it then I would also not allow him to have the girls until he is clean or at least willing to admit he is using again and trying to work on himself at least. I would have a serious talk with his mom about how you want him in their lives but that you don’t want that around your children.
You both need help and need to keep your children safe and AWAY from drugs.
He’s clearly not interested in a relationship right now and your focus should be on the kids, honestly. The relationship mending will need to wait and it wouldn’t and shouldn’t happen until he’s willing to get help.
He’s at his moms, have her deal with him and hope he gets clean. You need to focus on staying clean yourself and being a parent.
Leave it be and move on. The only thing to do is to move on. My mom has chose drugs and men over me when I was younger I can’t hardly be civil with her every time she got out of jail. I got into the habit of waiting her to fuck up so I was hurt again after giving her another chance.
With my son, I vowed if she ever went back. I was done giving her chance after chance not for me, but for my son. He don’t deserve to haher e to feel what I did as a kid.
I had to raise myself because my dad wouldn’t do anything to help me through, but wouldn’t hesitate to talk mad shit on her doings. Then at 17 he pulled a dna test and wouldn’t have anything to do with me after that.
You don’t want that around your children. My ex died with a needle in his arm while my son was at his house. Don’t do it girl. Sometimes you have to do what’s best for your kids even though it hurts yourself.
Move on for sure. You or your children will never be first priority
You already have your answer. You just need to find the strength to do it. Look at your kids future and go.
LET HIM GO MOMMA. 
If he doesn’t WANT to get clean, he’s not going to. You can’t force someone to do it because they will 100% go behind your back to do it. But you need to leave him.
If he’s using drugs even with his mom there when he has the kids that’s not a good father and not safe at all.
Don’t be with someone who you know is on drugs if you’re trying to stay clean (good for you! That’s amazing) he’s just going to hold you and your kids back until he gets clean.
Your primary focus should be staying clean for both you and your kids, not on him and his choices. I know it hurts, but you need to leave him to his own destruction. Nothing will make him stop using until he decides that is what he wants.
I dont even have to comment. The comments I have read are spot on. Your sobriety & daughters are #1!
The children need to come first
If he’s on drugs I wouldn’t send your kids. They can absorb some drugs through touch.
He’s actively using drugs and you’re still leaving the kids in his care??
No judgement at all whatsoever but… This is what a judge would hear… (Been there. I wasnt the one with the addiction it was my husband. But that didn’t stop the judge from taking my babies) . I LOVE HIM I DONT WANT TO USE BUT HES A GOOD DAD AND I DONT KNOW IF I SHOULD LOVE MY KIDS MORE THAN I LOVE THE ADDICT WHO HELPED ME MAKE THEM OR NOT.
again. I’m not judging. I’m telling you from personal experience what could happen. I was forced to sign my children to my mother because i didnt think the judge should force me to get a divorce. I was wrong. My husband never got clean. We seperated anyway 3 months before he was shot to death by the cops. I was allowed to live at my moms with my kids. But until my divorce finalized or naturl causes caused me to be unmarried to him, i wasnt allowed to be unsupervised. Like i couldnt take them anywhere without one of my parents. You want that? After my husband was killed everything was lifted. That quick. That easy. CHOOSE YOUR BABIES. ALWAYS CHOOSE YOUR BABIES.
Cut your losses hunny. Can’t make someone quit who don’t wanna quit themselves and you are only going to hurt yourself and your girls trying to be with him. You enable his behaviour when you stay with him. You can’t be an addict and a Great Father, it just don’t work out. This ain’t about you two, this is about your children. Your children deserve better, they deserve sober parents, not just one. Congrats on sobriety, I have been clean soon to be 7 years. Stick with it. One day at a time. I’m not going to lie to you and say I don’t crave it, I do, but I crave my children having a clean parent even more. <3 Stay Strong.
If he loves you he would kick the habit don’t you go back
He will always choose drugs over you guys until he seriously done. Keep yourself clean and keep moving forward. He’s not making good choices for any of you. Stay clear and stay clean…Praying for you
Stay away. You cant help if they dont want help. You have to do whats best for you.
You have to think about your own sobriety. That is what’s best for you and your children. You really only need to worry about that for now.
Kick the bastard out get away from him take care of your children and yourself
It’s no longer about you it’s about protecting your child. If hes using and the child gets ahold of anything you can be in trouble for knowingly putting your child in that situation.
I would urge him to get help and I would go to court for supervised parenting time. He should not be left alone with children while he’s high. Hopefully they will be enough to motivate him getting clean and staying clean. You don’t want them seeing him high, seeing him shoot up, overdosing, neglecting them due to being high or anything.
LEAVE he will just bring you down too! And you need to stop sending your kids with someone who is actively using. Go get a protective custody order for your kids. Move on. I was an addict, I’ve been clean from heroin for 3 years. You have to remove everyone and everything that triggered you. You and your children come first! Stay strong mama
Go. Period. If he loves you and your children he’ll do everything to keep you. You stay, he thinks it’s ok and has no reason to stop.
What does your sponsor recommend?
I’m sorry but if he was a great father he wouldn’t still be using. Only speaking from experience. My husband and I have been clean for 3 years today.
Great parents stay clean. Your kids never asked for any of this. Stay clean and move on
Put them babies first.
Omg. You haven’t even been sober a full year! Wtf are you doing? Sobriety is not just avoiding use, IT’S MAKING GOOD CHOICES. You’re not sober if you can’t chose your sobriety and your children’s safety over your relationship. FUCK! Those babies deserve better than all this bullshit.
You know what Is going on as a former addict yourself and as great as he is until he is choosing sobriety he is going to choose drugs over you all. You can’t beg him to do anything because it’s addiction in control. So don’t waste energy and time crying about it. Tell him to get his shit together- get clean and however he needs to do it meetings, treatment whatever. Don’t get sucked into it and suffer yourself. Don’t have your kids around it. It may take losing you guys for him to get his shit together but better that than losing your sobriety or custody. I know it’s hard but you have to make the right choices for the kids.
What would you tell your daughter if she was in your shoes? How are you being a great dad if you’re using? You’re putting drugs above your kids. Good for you for getting clean and staying sober! 11 months is a long time and you reaching out and trying to prevent yourself from going back is not only responsible and proactive for yourself but for your daughters health and safety too!
Good for you for staying clean!
I would say focus on yourself and your girls. And if he’s using again I would make sure with his mom that his visits are supervised …
You know the answer.
I also wouldn’t recommend him being with the kids until he does something to get clean. You cant chance that. Hes gotta make a choice what’s important and, do better.
Do what’s right for you to stay on track. He has to admit he has a problem before anything well work. I wish you continued strength and growth.
And remind him you children shouldn’t be seeing him like this.
You have to put your children first, and then yourself. Ask yourself is he the kind of person you want in your life? You can’t put your sobriety on the line you have kids to think of which it’s clear he isn’t. He’s sick and he needs help you shouldn’t be around anyone actively using while in recovery.
As a recovering addict myself your sobriety needs to come before relationships always yours and your kid’s lives depend on it…no one can make someone stay sober they have to want it and it sounds like right now he doesn’t so all you can do is walk away…also he may be a great father but it’s so unhealthy for your kids to see him going through this
Run. Get away from him. The kids are your #1 priority
In my opinion, he’s not a great father if he’s using. You stay as far away from him as possible, so you don’t slip up. And as for him. You tell him it’s either his daughters or the drugs. And let him decide for himself.
Move on.
He is a drug addict that is-
Activity using.
Alienating you.
Lying to you.
Using money that should be spent on your kids for drugs!
Look at this list… would you want your child to date anyone with any issues like on this list?
Then you can’t either. He’s not actively trying to quit, hes doing illegal shit, and (cause I dealt with a hard core addict B4, my ex of 11 years) is more then likely gaslighting you, abusing you emotionally, and seriously just acts like he don’t want you.
All while being disrespectful as hell to the mother of his kids.
Screw that.
Fuck that. Go slay 2020 without his shit 
Run! Recovery is the most selfish thing you will ever have to do but it’s necessary! For you and your daughters. Go to NA meet new friends. People who can helo give advice. Get a sponsor. Really work on you! Stay away from him! My husband and i used together fir ten years well before we had kids. We are 100% clean together. If he ever used i would have 2 leave. Its one thing i can’t have in my life. I will forever choose me and my children over drugs. Run! Fast
Move on! He doesnt need to be around your daughters either. That isnt the definition of a good father
Taking his kids away from him will kill him. Don’t do that. Don’t listen to these women who have no experience with addiction. What drove you to sobriety? What things trigger you still? He needs help. Don’t abandon someone who needs help. Step up and help him, don’t just sit back and watch him fail in his addiction.
You’re gonna have to move on from him baby girl. He’s only going to hold you back from living your life in a better healthier way. Pray for him. Stay close with his mom but forget the idea of being with him…
Run don’t walk your children and you are more important You much stay away for your sobriety and your family
I’m so sorry that you’re having to deal with this. Congratulations on your sobriety. Well wishes to you and the babies. You got this! XO
You have to put your sobriety first. I’ve got 7 years clean and sober, this is coming from a place of love. Your sobriety and your children’s saftey come first. You know how it escalates, and how a good father will become to busy with his other life. It’s never easy walking away, but sometimes we have to change our playground, and playmate’s if we wanna keep our sobriety and our sanity
First off, congratulations on your sobriety! It’s hard to stay on the straight and narrow and you’re actively fighting to remain heathy for yourself, your children, and your loved ones. YOU DESERVE TO BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY!!
Second, anything that threatens your safety and/or that of your children should be avoided, including exposing the three of you to his addictions. Fight for full custody for you with court-monitored visitation for him. Document when he uses, especially if it’s when he has the kids or if it keeps him from actively taking care of them.
You’ve already proven how strong you are by getting sober. Do what needs to be done to protect the second chance you’ve created for yourself.
Please move on. your kids do not need to be around that. Good for you not wanting to go back to that lifestyle I’m sure it’s hard but think of your little ones.
Stay away from him… It will lead you back down a road you cant go back to!! Your kids deserve better as well.
You have to do what’s right for you and your babies. You can’t make someone want to quit using no matter how much you wish you could. All you can do is pray for him and move on with your babies and yourself.
You say that you don’t want to live the lifestyle of a addict. Then you let him go and move on. This is the only thing you can do to stay clean. You have not only yourself to be concerned with but have children to worry about as well. This man is putting his drugs above you and your children he has already made the choice for you. I also would not let my children be around this. Children learned enough without putting them in a situation like that. Prayers for you and your family.
Get out, and stay clean for you and your kids. I see nothing wrong with you trying to help him especially getting clean. HOWEVER you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be help. Prayers for you and the kids.
I think you know what you need to do it’s time to protect your self and your children I’ve been clean off opioids and cocaine for almost 3 years and I cut off all ties I was lucky that the father of my girls chose to do the same but we had to split for a bit to get on the same level again it took alot of work but GIRL YOUR THERE and your doing awesome ! This is all on you and you know that you dont need people like that in your life let him run down hill and once he hits rock bottom maybe hell pick himself up and do better but u till he does he has no place in your life I lost my oldest daughter for a year and a half I spent every moment trying to become worthy of having her i dont want to see the same happen to anyone and even if you arnt using being around someone who is and letting your children around that person is on you and if cps ever got word they would think you wernt capable of making the decision you need to as a mom it’s a messy situation but like I said it sounds like you know what you have to do
Leave and focus on you’re kids. Take care of you stay clean. You won’t regret it
Great fathers, don’t use drugs. They live a clean lifestyle if they value their children. If he uses, he shouldn’t have access to children.
Speaking from a personal experience. I would leave. you and your babies have a second chance to have a better life and he isn’t ready to be clean for himself or his kids. Keep moving forward and keep showing yoursef that this is the life you deserve. Good luck and I’m sending lots of strength to you
Congrats on your sobriety mama!
However, you saying he’s a great father to your kids and still using and choosing drugs over keeping your family together doesn’t make sense. If he was going to be a good parent, he would get clean like you did. For the kids sake.
Move on If he’s doing drugs I would not allow my children over there
Run like hell & don’t look back.
Do you really need someone to tell you what you should do?
Sounds like he clearly made his decision. You need to move on…don’t risk your own happiness and sobriety for some loser…stay strong for your kids and yourself and don’t look back.
Uh you said he doesn’t want to work things out with you so why is this even a question?
Time to move on:woman_shrugging:t4:
Unfortunately he’s not being a great father if he has an addiction. Those two things do not go together. Set some clear boundaries with him, and make sure that your children are protected. It sounds like they have already experienced addiction within your family, and they need to heal from this, rather than to go through it all over again.
He’s made his decision time and time again. It’s time for you to make yours. Choose life for you and your babies.
Move on. Dont get pulled into that lifestyle with your babies. And please stop sending them to him while hes using
That’s no way for kids to be raised.
Separate until he can get clean and tell him he can’t see your kids until he’s clean
Run the other way! Don’t choose him over the wealth fare of your children!!! It’s extremely selfish of you to even think that there are 2 options…
Unless he wants help, you can NOT save him. 
It’s really not that he is choosing anything over you or his kids. He’s in an addiction.
The best thing you can do now, protect your kids. He doesn’t need access unless it’s supervised by the court.
Until he hits bottom, he won’t save himself.
Set clear boundaries for yourself and your kids and KEEP THEM. Do not give in and don’t let him emotionally blackmail you. Protect your sobriety and protect your kids.
I’d advise therapy for you 3 and if he wants to see his kids, he has to pass drug tests, complete rehab and be clean.
Dont go back think of your children
before my man got sober he failed ua with his probation officer she told him with him using even tho I’m not i can lose custody to my son due to him living with us even if the drugs arent in home he got sober real quick so u are setting your self up to lose your kids be smart if he dont wanna give it up move on