I went through this. It never works out unless they want to give it up. Best advice I can give you is leave the situation. Help if he wants the help and if you feel like you should, but don’t enable. Let him do what he wants with the drug use and stay out of it. If he gets clean and decides he wants to be with you, cool! If not, you’re only cutting your losses and making a better path for yourself.
If he is currently using, he should not have the children unsupervised. If something were to happen to them in his care and they knew that you knew he was using you could possibly get in trouble to. Focus on you and your kids. Stay sober it’s the best thing for you and your kids. You don’t have to move on and be with someone else right away but I would suggest learning to live without him. Being a good dad would mean he would do anything for his children, which includes staying sober. I would tell him he can not have the kids until he can prove that he is living sober. They also don’t deserve to see their dad high. Keep them home with you.
Do what you need to do to stay clean but keep positive energy over him as you would want for yourself in that situation. Dont want him more then you want your sobriety.
Your daughter deserve the life you will provide if you move on. It will hurt your heart but the reward will be getting to see your daughters blossom.
Thats a no brainer…not to be cruel but RUN RUN RUN. go to court get restraining order for him getting kids. He should have regular drug testing…fails no kids…get court order…
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As much as you feel for him, he has made his decision. Now you have to make one thats best for you and your little ones. Good luck, stay strong. And congrats on your time being clean.
U need to step away from him but also if he gets caught having drugs around the kids u will be in trouble too bcuz ur willingly sending them to him knowing he is using again. They could get you for environmental neglect amd possibly endangerment of a minor. U really need to wake up and smell the coffee in this situation. If he was a great dad he wouldnt be using.
A boyfriend of 5 years, I think it could be called common law marriage. I think it’s about moving on without him, think of the kids, one of the two is going to fall into that trap if you continue to associate with him.
Leave he won’t change I promise you. He will drag you down and you know how they get when they can’t get don’t put yourself in that situation or your kids! You can do it yourself I promise. It might spur him to change. Don’t o it your life in hold for someone like that!
You specifically said “he chose drugs over you.” I think you know what you have to do, choose yourself and your kids… unfortunately you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help… speaking from experience.
I’m also in love with an addict. It is extremely hard. I can feel your desperation in this post. Ive never been an addict, but ik what it is like to love one. My advice for u, since ive lived this for almost 8 years now, is leave. You have to. For your children’s sake, and ur own sobriety. You can not get clean visiting places that made you dirty. Although he is a loving father, my childs father is too, he is an addict. And he will not stop until he WANTS to stop. There is nothing u can do or say to change it. He has to want it. You will continue to give life to a dead situation unless you grab hold of your own heart and realize men are a dime a dozen. U should never have to ask, or ‘talk about’ how u want to be treated. It is very very hard. So hard u dont know how youll ever be able to walk away. But you have to find that strength for yourself and children. And never leave the children with him without extra supervision. 100% of the time. Hope he gets the help he needs.
You already know the answer in your heart. Move on. Keep clean. Your kids are your number 1 priority. Not clinging onto a man that’s not invested in trying to make it work with you.
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If he is using again then u need to keep your kids away from him as well until he gets himself sorted out or he needs to have supervised visits he should t have the kids on his own if he is back on drugs , tbh I think u should move in with your life some people just have more willpower than others to get themselves through these sorts of things and u seem to be doing amazing and u need to keep it up for your wee kiddies just keep thinking about them x
Daughters? Or Drug life style?
If you love your girls then the choice is to only co-parent and put your relationship on pause.
Bc if you don’t and CPS gets involved then you will battle the system for your girls.
Good Luck!
Don’t get caught up. Keep him at a distance. Focus on you and your kids so nothing happens to them.
So his mom allows him to live with her knowing he’s using drugs with your kids there?
Shes a class one enabler and shes not qualified to supervise your kids visits. Shes always going to excuse his behavior.
Does he work?
He cant be a good parent as long as he’s an addict.
Dont you want better for you and your kids?
Take the first step and accept how he is, and you cant help anybody but you. That includes protecting your kids.
Good luck.
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Honey please leave. Love yourself and your daughters to protect your environment.
Sometimes people get stuck & don’t grow up , as like your bf. You have grown & it’s just time for you to move on, thinking of your kids they come first! If in the future he gets clean then mayb yall can wotk it out. I have learned this from personal experience, My husband chose drugs & homies over our marriage. It was hard but I did it, raised 2 boys on my own & were better for it!!!
Leave and congratulations on being drug free… he is just going to bring you down. Do what you need to do to keep you and ur children safe
Leave. Step back focus on your kids and you. Your doing great recovery is hard and not easy when your still around it
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Stay away from him or you’ll jeopardize your sobriety all it takes is one weak moment. You don’t have to be with him to co-parent and as long as your kids are safe with him that’s all you should do is co-parent, I mean if you’re serious about staying clean. Good job on 11 months girl!!
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He will bring you down . Leave until he’s clean . And can prove it in a drug test
Sorry, I have to be very blunt. 100% up front with you…
If you don’t get away from this guy right now IT WILL BE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE and WILL RUIN YOUR KIDS LIVES in the process.
You KNOW this. Don’t be stupid. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN ENSURE THEY & YOURSELF HAVE A CHANCE AT A HAPPY, HEALTHY LIFE!
You’ve done so well getting off drugs! That’s amazing!! Now use that strength you have to MOVE ON!
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If he is willing to put drugs before you and his kids… you know where his priorities are. It’s hard, I COMPLETELY understand loving an addict BUT think of it like this… your kids go with dad when he is using and end up dead due to a mistake he makes high. If his mom is allowing him to live under her roof abusing substances, she’s enabling it. Also, do you want your kids to see it? There’s a million questions to ask yourself in this situation but at the end of the day, your risking your kids and your sobriety which again risks your children mama. Please leave. He isn’t being a good father if he is using drugs and not providing the needs for his children. Period. Once he gets clean and sober, then seek counseling if you need him that bad but honey I’m telling you right now, you don’t and you are risking almost a year of sobriety for no legit reason and your risking your children getting taken from your care. Go get him on supervised visits if he’s such a great dad so he can focus on his sobriety and not jeopardize his family.
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Girl what matters is your kids and your sobriety. Work on that and if he works on himself and gets clean and STAYS clean then maybe think about you as a couple…but for now there are much more important things to put your energy and soul into. Your girls and your sobriety is #1 no question.
An active addict is dangerous for the recovery of another addict. You need to distance yourself or risk falling back into it. And while he may be a wonderful father in every other way, and while I’m sure he loves his children to death… the idea of leaving children in the care of an addict who is still using is very concerning. Not saying to keep him away. But he definitely shouldn’t have unsupervised overnight visitation without showing progress on his sobriety. There’s just so many things that could potentially occur, even if completely unintentional on his part. From potential injuries to inviting child protective services and the legal system into every aspect of your life to the potential of learned addiction and toxic behaviors for your kids, etc…
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Consider that relationship over. There’s a reason why he doesn’t look at you. It’s for the best. Just take care of the kids and keep them safe.
You have to walk away from toxic relationships and people. Stay strong, you’ve got this lil mama!
Please leave him and make a good home for your children . You do not need to carry his load. The children come first the sooner you put him entirely out of yours and their lives the better chance you all have for happiness. Make a better choice next time. Please dont start this merry go round with those kids lives they dont deserve that. Be their protector, you should NEVER allow your children to be around someone useing drugs. ANYTHING could happen. If this keeps up then you dont deserve them either please give up to adoption if you cannot make yourself seperate from this way of life for them. They deserve a normal home. Please.
A good father puts his kids first. Leave, dont make the mistake i did and hang on to9 long. For you and your kids…leave now
He doesn’t want to try to work it out with you. Every two days is allot for kids going back and forth. Maybe weekends or every other week especially if he is using. You trust the Mom with your kids? I ask cause kids can get ahold of drugs, whatever he is using. They might die and you let them go there willingly. I met a mother once that she and her husband used and their child had to go to ER (speed called beanies then). Surprised they weren’t investigated. But it was years ago. Judges these days will have no mercy. I congratulate you on being clean! Have a sponsor or whoever helped you and talk with them. I would think that sending your children may not be advised. Supervised ‘visits’ might be. Bottom line your children are #1 and you need not try to work anything out!! There is a legal advice you can get if you choose that route.
Yes get away but PLEASE get your kids away! Don’t let your judgement be clouded when it comes to your kids. If this were me-he wouldn’t have them alone EVER! You know the answer here and if you need help being strong enough to do what needs doing get help. Your kids should be the reason you stay sober and he gets sober. If he doesn’t get that——why would you trust him to take care of your kids? Keep those kids home!
Well if you want to stay clean then stay away from him. He will pull you down before you can pull him out. And stop sending your kids over to someone you know is actively using drugs. Do you want to lose your kids??? And you letting him see the kids while using is in no way going to help him get clean. In order for him to want to get help you know as well as I that he needs to hit rock bottom. And if he is still getting to see the kids and everyone acting like there is no problem he is never gonna get help. He has to have consequences. If he doesn’t there is no reason for him to change. But you definitely need to reevaluate the whole sending your kids over there. What if something happens to them or god forbid he overdosed in front of those INNOCENT babies??? And then they come take your kids and they end up lord knows where because as their mother your number 1 job is to protect them and you chose not to.
I was an addict for years after my son died… There comes a time when you have to choose a better life for you and your kiddos and honey i promise you if he doesn’t wanna get clean he never will and it will always drag you and those babies down. Pray and make the right choice .
If God set you free from that hellish life to go back it will be 7 time time worst you stand storng you can win him back but you cant let him tear you down pray ask Jesus to help you know what to do drugs are hard to let go of you know that but it cant be done what made you quiet if there child involved make dinner ivited him if he clean have a movie night if he clean if not clean dont let him in stand storng honey
You already know what you need to do. kids are your priority. They’re more important than him and your love life. Give your kids 100% of your love, time, and attention.
Move on don’t even look nack
Don’t look at it as him choosing drugs over you. I’ve been clean from Heroin for four years now and I put my family, my son, EVERYTHING last. Drugs don’t give u any other choice. With that said, it doesn’t mean you need to stick around. I didn’t get clean until literally my entire family cut me out. Once I realized no one was going to put up with my bullshit, I went to rehab and never looked back.
I’ve lost 3 brothers to heroin years ago, please think of your self n your kids, also lost my daughter’s dad to heroin, today he would of been 65, died at 30 years old, you’ve made it this far, I’ve watched heroin take so many lives, pray that you stay strong for yourself and kids, not to many people can kick heroin, proud of you,
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Get rid. Until he sorts himself out. End of
Your children, and your health, come first…you need to get out of the relationship.
You’ve come so far. If he chose drugs over you once he will do it again.
Keep the babies safe! Let me put it this way. If your daughters were in this situation with their boyfriends what would you tell them?
Congrats on overcoming your first obstacle now time to tackle another!
Shitty situation. Maybe its drugs that make him distant. Perhaps only time of soberness would tell. I put in the risk waiting for mine to go sober.
The things it took though … 
2 years later hes stronger than ever, 100% sober and shows more love now than back then. The whole process has been like 4 years of my life. Hes the one but not while under the influence.
Not everyone is the same however.
Move on. You don’t need that around children.
I don’t have experience in a situation with kids and drugs but I have alot of experience with kids and domestic violence. Please put your children first, they need a safe, happy, consistent home. On or near drugs he cannot give them that. Congratulations on the 11 months clean, that’s amazing. As much as he might be a great dad, if he chooses drugs over his children… unfortunately that over rides all. Give your babies what they need and deserve and leave him. Hope everything works out for you.
Prayers to him that he has delivered from the spirit of drug addiction amen
Good Lord, she’s been sober 11 months n he’s the problem?
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Move on. Why would it surprise you that he lies about money? Think about it. Drug addicts steal lie etc etc. I would make sure he doesn’t have the kids around him when he is doing and behaving like that
Leave get out, take ur children and leave
U cannot help him, he has help himself
Been there also…Left him 3yrs ago and I’ve never been happier and financially it’s going good. They will keep taking money and bread out of your children’s mouths. Move away… get away from him as far as you can.
He can’t be using and be a good parent. That alone makes him just the opposite.
Get custody of your kids and keep them and yourself out of that environment.
He’ll get sober or he won’t. That isn’t your responsibility. You need to keep yourself straight and keep your kids as your top priority.
Congratulations on your sobriety! Keep making good choices.
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Leave.
I have been there.
Not a great place to be.
Leave him alone just come parent
Move on! Stay clean and protect your children.
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I know what u mean i had a bf for 11 years but last month he choose meth over me so i havent seen him in a month and wont again i dont do drugs and i not starting for a druged up butthole its drugs or me i lost but i came out ahead i fell
Leave him. Always make sure your kids are safe before anything else. My step dad was using and hiding it from all of us. He got mad one night and it did a lot of damage to the entire family
Move on. You and your kids deserve better than a life of addiction.
Leave. Never let your child stay over knowing he’s using. Come on.
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I’ve been there , minus the kids, but I moved on. I waited forever for him to listen and want to work it out. He never did, he kept using and now I hear he has moved on to some of the hardest drugs and took his new girlfriend down with him. Now I have a wonderful new boyfriend and a perfect gorgeous new baby. Moving on from that life was the best thing I did. Especially since you’re sober now I would definately move on. Tough because of the kids but you dont want to set the wrong example for them. Best of luck woman
One of the best decisions in our lives is the most difficult to leave behind someone we love.
His using isn’t healthy or stable. He’s toxic to you & your family until he’s fought his own demons. Love and let go. 
Omg what’s wrong with u people ok don’t go then stay away from him
Use your brain( common sense) and leave!!!
Leave him and leave him now. Only he can help himself. I’m just getting out of a divorce with somebody that used and I’m so happy
Leave him. He might be a “good father” now but he won’t be if he continues using. You need to look out for yourself and your daughters . If you’ve been clean do what you gotta do to stay clean, even if that means leaving him. You can’t help him, only he can help himself.
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if he wants to choose drugs over you, then leave. If you’re recovering and refuse to fall back into it all then leave him and do better for yourself and your kids. You don’t have to keep him from the kids but he’s not gonna help your recovery if you stay there. You know he’s back to using. You don’t want to be around it. Simply, DONT! If he doesn’t want to get better that’s on him. Do right by you and those kids.
I’m in recovery as well. The he’ll that we have lived is not worth losing anything anymore. But you absolutely know the answer to this question. The fact that your asking for advice on what to do is a red flag already because your kind of minimizing the situation and also its riskingg your sobriety that is main priority especially since you have babies that need you. Please listen to a fellow addict and remember you HAVE to change people, places and things if you are so serious about your recovery. Our addict minds can slip us back in a matter of seconds. You need to get on your knees and surrender this and put the boundaries in play. Im praying for you!
I dont know where everybody wants you to leave to. Sounds like he has moved out already. You do need to stop spending time with him and make the separation legally binding so he can’t just come back. How are your children doing and what kind of environment is at his mothers house? Are the children safe there?
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Leave or he will bring you back down with him
Focus on yourself, your recovery, and your children. Let him go.
You have grown up stuff you must focus on and keep it together. Dknt try to make him stay and do NOT make excuses for him. Hes a grown up who has made a choice. Let him.fo whatever. You just stay away.
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Seems like you already know what you need to do, but won’t accept it. You have two kids to think about, so you need to leave him if he does not want to change, it is quite that simple but a hard decision.
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Stay away from him. Keep the kids away from him, no one is good parent when they’re on drugs.
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U need advice from ppl who understands addition , if they don’t understand it , they will just give u shity comments , I. A recovering addict as well 3years (2020 makes my 3y clean) so I understand me and my husband used together for years then desided enoff was enoff and got our lives together as one ,befor out daughter was born !! All bc he’s a addict don’t make him a bad father nor person he just needs to sit and think am i ready to get help get clean for good ! He will not get better if he’s not willing to fight it ! Just remember ur sobriety is everything , if he don’t won’t to stop u say ok u made ur mind up so goodbye bc j am clean and I will never go back to that life , and y’all just stay co parenting , if he decides to get clean he needs to really really won’t it and fight , go ti a detox center they have clinics Suboxone and methadone treatment if he needs the extra help to quit tbh I was on Suboxone for 2 years to get myself completely clean so it did help me stay on the right path and here i am clean sober happy a mother of a 2 year old and due with baby #2 Feb 
u just got to ask urself is it worth the fight with him if he don’t really won’t ti be clean ? If he does won’t to be clean fight with him go to meeting get him detox treatment ya know , u got this momma keep strong and congratulations on ur 11m continue to do best for u qnd ur baby’s , I am now working on being a drug counselor , anything is possible
I can’t with this page anymore. Leave his dumb ass. Byeeeeee!
Don’t walk run away as fast as you can. You and your daughter deserve better. Don’t let them go to grandma’s house, that’s HER son and she will pick him over anyone always.
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how can he be a good father if he’s using drugs ? leave him. your sobriety is more important (for yourself first, then children) than his !!!
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You can’t stop him,fix him,but you can move on,leave him! They will not stop or change til they ready! You want what’s best for you and your children sober and clean life let him go!!!
Leave. I did. I didn’t for a long time. But then I did and I moved on and I learned I was ok. He decided he didn’t want that life and he got clean before even asking me to consider taking him back. He didn’t even contact me until he was clean. But it took him losing me to realize he didn’t want what he chose.
But don’t expect that. That’s not always what happens. You just do you. He’s gotta do him.
You know the answer!! Dont question it move on… Dont reck your childrens life or ruin yourself on a possible relapse.
Addiction is a disease and he absolutely needs help but until he gets the help and is sober I think it would be much safer for you (and your own sobriety) and your daughter to get some space from him.
He has done you a favor. RUN. Take care of those babies.
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N I dumbed a guy for cigarettes guess I’m too harsh but I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking such things are normal
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He’s actively using. Leave him. You already know the answer. Don’t let the kids be with him alone until he’s clean and sober, again.
Don’t risk your sobriety or sanity to fix the relationship between you two, but I would tell him to get help or take his daughters away until he does. You guys may not work out, but kids are a lifetime relationship and it’s not fair to have to tell them the news that daddy won’t be around anymore. If he’s a great dad, I’m sure his daughters love him and it would break their heart.
As someone that has grown up around adults that were users. Family never makes em get clean. You can’t MAKE them. They have to WANT to.
But you have the right to distance yourself from the situation should it threaten your sobiety or safety.
Cuz lets be honest here. Good dad or not. Drugs bring NASTY people into your life. What if a debt comes calling, while the children are with him?
Drugs bring in situations that no one can control. Had a friend held at gun point, being robbed, cuz her man at the time was a dealer. Her 1yr old sat in her lap at the time. Tweaker was tweaking HARD to. So anything could have happened.
Now if his mom is there fully, then ok. At least there is a reliable adult that can be responsible for their care. But if not. Id be denying visits. Cuz good dad or not. Drugs make you do STUPID shit.
Now you can let him know that if he chooses to get clean. You’ll be his biggest supporter. But that if he chooses not to…then you are gonna choose moving on.
You can’t sit and wait. 2 of my family members had kids and left them waiting 20+yrs. They’re still waiting…for their dads to get clean.🤷
So love yourself more. Demand your worth and if he can’t meet it, then find someone that can💖.
Wtf Brenda Hallock? Why is this hater/feminist shit showing up on my page? Talk to your friends privately please…
A great father is not some one who continues to use & leaves his family to do so. A great father will seek the help he needs, get clean & get real with life.
Let him go, if he decideshe wants to step up, then he will. For now focus on your wellness & your girls. Don’t give him your attention if he can’t accept it.
Get rid of him
Make a better life for you and lkids
He won’t change unless he wants to
I’m sorry. These situations are so heartbreaking but you have to keep doing you for your girls. Be proud of your progress and move forward. I hope he finds the strength like you did
Run & run fast & far
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Leave and get him some help. Honestly I don’t think you’re the problem ( going off experience from my drug addicted ex) I think he rather be doing drugs then be with you. Stop sending your children to his moms especially if he’s on drugs your children don’t need to be around that. Maybe it will help him get clean! Congratulations on bring sober for 11 months
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If I were in your situation I would already be at the court house getting full custody of my kids.
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Tell him to get some help, rehab ect. Or he won’t see his kids or you… tough love… Wish you guys both good luck.
You should be so proud of your sobriety, I am happy you chose life. It has has do much to offer and it’s a wonderful gift, don’t give that up for any one !! I hope you make the tough decisions you know you’ll have to in order to keep yourself and your children away from that lifestyle.
Sending you strength !
Doesn’t seem like a great father if he’s using.
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Tell him to go to rehab or he wont see the kids until he does…if u are in recovery and he’s using its only a matter of time until ur sucked back in…
I cant really grasp how any addict can be a great parent. Ive really never met an addict who was really a great parent. Ever. Its just not possible, the priorities just arent there. It seems you are very much minimizing the situation. You not only have your sobriety to worry about but your kids. Are they really safe when they visit their dad? Are they getting everything they need? When my ex became an addict I told him he needed to be sober to be involved with the kids and have to go to court to have court ordered visitations with clean urines, I know addicts lie so I knew I couldnt take his word for anything, that was a long time ago and he hasnt spoken to his kids since, hes made no effort to. They are thriving, he however is homeless and has lost everyone in his life…except his mom. You need to put your kids and sobriety ahead of him. He needs to be sober to be around them, the fact you are so willing to send them over to him knowing he is using is alarming.
Who’s the fool you ! Letting you kids go to him is asinine on your part grow up and use what brain you have left
I am not judging you because I could never understand where you are in your life and how you got there. With that said, it feels like child abuse letting your kids go there at all UNTIL HE IS CLEAN. Any visits should be supervised by you. Maybe if he’s as good as father as you’re claiming he will get clean for his girls because you have stopped allowing him to use and see your girls. He has no reason to stop, so you need to give him one. Get a lawyer, go to court and get a firm action plan going that involves rehab, conditions and child care.
DEAW THE LINE