Stay strong and do the right thing
Cut him loose
File for custody asap and demand drug testing for visitation
You can not be a “great father” and abuse drugs…
Hey, I have good news for you… Count your blessings. I didn’t. Cost me my babies. Thought he was all that, but let him take me down and tear my World up. Don’t go there,…
You should probably stop sending your kids to him, knowing he’s on drugs… ?
Also, move on. You’re in a different place in your life, you want more, you want better… go get it girl!
My mother got a restraining order put against my daughters father until she is 18 years old he is never aloud to be with her alone unsupervised without her. He is never aloud to have her in a car Ever! He is an alcoholic! She slapped that on his ass the very second they split due to his addiction. He has been to rehab 9 times! 7 DUI’s he hardly ever sees my sister. He has seen her 4 times in 4 years. Cut him loose and worry about your health and your children. Stop worrying about some man that will drag you down a dark hole. If he was a great father he would want to be clean. AND STAY THAT WAY!
You need to move on before he brings you down too
You have to put your sobriety and your children first. You can’t make someone get clean. You know you have to do it for yourself before anything else. I’m a recovering addict as well. I know what it takes to finally really want to get clean and the work it takes to stay clean. If he’s not there yet, you have to cut him out of your life with the exception of letting him see his children (if he’s not high around them or putting them in danger). You know he has to hit his own bottom. Maybe losing you will help him get there sooner. YOUR SOBRIETY IS FIRST. Without it, you lose all the rest.
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Be careful with his interactions with the children. I know you don’t want to keep the kids from him but if anything happens child protective services will hold you accountable if anything happens in his care and you knew he was using.
You’re out. Its a blessing. Now stay out! But you already know thats the right answer. Addicts cannot maintain previous relationships as they all lead down that road again eventually. Sorry. And you may be enabling/delusional to think he’s a ‘great father’…a great father would put kids needs before his addiction and you’ve no idea if he uses before, during, or after the kids around. He’s sick. He gets help, he gets time with the kids. You are the only buffer and need to do so. Now stay TF out! Get help professionally if you cant get there alone.
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Focus on you and your kids. If he wants to really be a great father he will get clean, for himself a d you all. Tough love. Walk away. Keep yourself clean.
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I know this may sound harsh but get out & move on. If he isn’t willing to get clean & sober for you & your daughters that tells you where you stand in his life . It’s not fair to your children to see him like that especially if he’s using & it isn’t fair to you to struggle because you’ve gotten clean . I’m proud of you for that but at some point you gotta learn to due what’s best for those babies you have & for yourself.
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Your sobriety comes first (and your children obviously) and you can’t stick around people that use and remain clean. Zero tolerance, move on. And don’t let him be alone with the kids if he’s using.
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You know what you need to do , because you don’t want to go back. Praise God you made to where you are today keep moving in the direction you are in now. Your daughters and you can have a good life with out addiction in your life. Don’t go backwards keep moving forward. God bless you!
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He is an addict and as you know he will not get clean with ultimatums. Just let him know that you love and do care for him, but you cannot have him in your life ( especially while you are trying to stay clean). People have to hit bottom to decide to get sober and everyone’s bottom is different. Concentrate on you and your daughter and maybe hit an al-anon meeting. They will give you the tools to deal with an addict in your life. Good luck and i will be praying for you
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Focus on you and your children for now. Leave him @ his mom’s but pray for him and your family without ceasing. God works miracles everyday! Addiction is a nasty thing but anyone can overcome it!
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You need prayers and backbone. Save yourself a lot of Grief. Good Luck! He’s already made his choice. Sweetheart I been where you are… Your kids deserve better:heartpulse:
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As a recovering addict myself i know how hard this is but seperate for now let him make the changes he needs to make tell him how u feel and follow your heart lady!Do what’s best for those babys!Best of luck and keep your head up
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Need to stay away from the old routine. The best thing for you and your kids is to start over. 
I wish you both luck
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Move on… and don’t look back. You have done an amazing job so far… don’t let anyone bring you down… You have two daughters that look up to you. You got this!
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As someone who has personally gone through this type of situation I suggest telling him he needs to leave and figure out what it is he wants. You can’t have that kind of negative influence in your life right now, especially because your so newly sober. And your daughters don’t deserve a father that doesn’t put them first.
It is a hard decision to make but one that must be made. You can’t keep putting you and your daughters through the uncertainty of if he’s sober or not; if he’s going to stay and change or leave and stay the same. It’s much more difficult if you allow the back and forth rather than standing your ground for you and your daughters.
First of all until he got sober NO WAY would I let my girls be exposed to that! They don’t need to see their dad like that. Second, until his mom kicks him out and he hits rock bottom, he’s not going to get help. He has to be the one to decide he’s had enough. Move on with your life and let him go.
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Addiction takes a strange and terrible hold of the brain. But I don’t need to tell you that, do I? The best thing you can do is separate you and your children away from it. Tell him you love him, he needs to get help, but he has to do this on his own. Tell him it’s your duty to protect their kids and keep that lifestyle as far away from the family as possible. If he’s in the midst of the addicted brain, he’ll be angry, he’ll blame you. Be prepared for this and do what’s right for you and your family anyway.
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Congratulations on 11 months clean. You need to let that man go and do what is best for your children. If he really wants his family he will get clean. You all will be in my prayers.
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Move on. That’s definitely not what you want the kids around. If he wants be a great dad then he needs to get himself clean for all yall.
A drug addict is not a good father when he is not clean. You can only change yourself, be proud of the good choices you are making every day. Drugs are his love and life, not you and not your children. File for child support with the courts. Do not let him back into your home. Do not send your daughters to spend time with a drug addict. Protect yourself and your children. It does not matter what was in your past, what matters is today. Move on.
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I am raising 4 of my nephews due to drugs and let me tell you no one is going to quit till they are ready now I have watched the effects this has had on the children from night terrors to separation anxiety to years of therapy trust issues from all the promises made and not kept the waiting for supervised visits that they never show up for to the stories of no birthday cakes or presents no Christmas and so much more please concentrate on you and your babies
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You know the answer. You have taken steps for 11 months to do the right thing, one minute at a time. And I am so happy for you. Don’t look back. Don’t follow him back into the pit. Your children deserve all the best that they can get, and a clean mama is better than a using mama AND daddy.
There is always hope that he will decide to clean up as long as he breathes, but you know, it HAS to be HIS decision. HIS work. No one else can do that for him.
You are in control of you, and only you. Continue to choose you and your children.
My son will be a year clean coming up on January 4th. I understand loving an addict. You are almost to your 1st year. You can do this!!! Keep praying with confidence and keep choosing to do the next right thing. 
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I don’t do drugs and never have other than what dr say I have to take. But have known people who do. Even if you love him he needs to be history until Clean completely. Congratulations on you not using, but with children I would not be letting him have them unsupervised. Don’t know his mom but she may lie for him to see them. Let her see them when he isn’t there. Your kids will think it’s ok for Daddy to do them. Good luck
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I would NOT ALLOW my kids to go to his moms house if he is living there too!
PERIOD!
Enforce a rule of yours as this:
The grandma can be allowed to visit your girls either at your house or in a public setting.
Cuz if he is still using and living at her house,the girls could possibly come across some drugs/paraphernalia of his and expose a life threatening ordeal for those innocent girls.
Glad to hear of your own strength of sobriety.
Awesome
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He is NOT a good father if he’s using again. He has picked drugs over you and his daughters. It IS that simple.
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Time to move on. Your sobriety and children should come first
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Take it from someone married to an addict and alcoholic… for 6 years of his using and drinking I hemmed and hawed about the same thing… in the end the only thing that made it better and forced him to get help was me leaving. Permanently. Only after he got clean and stayed clean were we able to mend our relationship and marriage. If an addicts lips are moving they are lying. Until he is willing to get some help for himself you should stay away from him entirely. Love him from Afar until you can love him close again and know that he will be a better father when he is clean and sober just as you are probably a much better mother now that you have been clean and sober. Congratulations on your clean time…now do the right thing, and keep it.
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Even if you’re sober if you have your kids around him on drugs you are risking losing your children. You need to put steps in place to keep him away from you and your children.
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You shouldn’t ever let any person including the father be around your children when using drugs.
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Hi, I am not a expert at anything, so this is just my opinion based on the things in life that I have experienced, and damn love will just be so confusing. I know here’s something else I know about addiction, up close and personal. So you don’t want to go back to that lifestyle. Well that’s awesome that being said. You to stay sober I don’t care if you got 1hour 20years. Stop worrying about anything else but saving yourself. Because the only thing you can do to save / change him is by example. And while I do so understand that you love him he’s the father of you babies. But only he can fix himself and he has to want to for himself not for you not for the kids not for his mom you just have hope that he can decide he wants to be sober. And you remember how amazing and strong of a person you are for winning your fight against addiction. Now just don’t let your guard down. Don’t know how long you have been sober but the longer you are the easier it gets to maintain it but never is it gone. Good luck and remember he has to save himself
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You already know what you need to do. Think of your self and especially your children. Faith in God will get you through. Whatever you do Don’t go backwards.
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Move on don’t look back you have two daughters and yourself you have to think about Pray to God and he will keep you strong please take this advice it is so easy to get caught up without knowing it happen Good Luck
I’ve been there. It’s better to move on. You can’t make someone change if they don’t want to.
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You need to move on if not for yourself then think about your children. I’m not saying that he can’t be a part of his children’s lives. But that’s what I think would be the best thing. That’s just my opinion. And Congratulations on your 11 months sobriety.
Girl you have 11 months … congratulations. But you know to stay sober you can’t be around that… be sure his mom is taking care of the kids… every 2 days is ridiculous… set up weekend visitation again if his mom is there to supervise… great father ok but he is using and that is what’s most important to him… you do you and your kids now and if and when he is ready to get sober you can address it then… remember and I’m sorry he decided to leave … picked his habits over you… oh please call your counselor/sponsor and pray to god to get the strength and support you need… stay strong and sober.
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U know what u have to do, not only for yourself, but for your children. Do ur really need advise?
You can either move on or make it clear to him if he dint get his shit together n get clean you will be moving on .maybe talk him into a 30 or 60 day rehab or something like that but I most definitely would not be handing my kids over to no drug addict no matter how much I love him ,kids have got to come first!! Congratulations on your sobriety just know you cant fix everyone
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Why is this even a question? If he’s using and lying about it he’s no good, period. Do what’s RIGHT and keep you and your kids away from that.
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Leaving and giving him space will make him realize what he had when he was clean. Be firm and stick to your beliefs. He will come around if he really cares for you and the kids.
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You already know the answer. Move on without causing drama. Protect your children and don’t look back.
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He isn’t a great father. Great fathers dont use at all ever. You should go to court and get a supervised visit and drug testing order with the stipulation it be 50 50 if he gets clean.
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You and your children come first… I had to move on from a man after 35 years together. you cant change him that’s on him.
Unfortunately you can’t make his choices. You have to protect your children and yourself. Work on yourself. Oxygen mask mentality. Take care of yourself first.
If you are a former addict then you know it’s got it’s grip on him. If it were me, I would do my best to talk to him about rehab. If need be, make an ultimatum. I would advise him that if he chooses to continue this way he may very well end up leaving his children to miss out on all the great things they could share together as they grow. Me personally would also advise him that any and all visits with the children will need to be supervised, even if you need to have a court order for it filed. You know very well an addict will only get better if they want to. I have loved ones who have been able to get clean and stay clean, and then the ones that can’t. It’s sad what drugs will do once we are foolish enough to try them, but it happens to even the most straight and narrow people, no one is safe from it. But, whatever you do, KEEP YOUR FOCUS ON YOUR CHILDREN. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked back in, because you may not be able to escape again. Best of luck to you.
Focus on you. Attend some Al anon for you to help you. Consider everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. Ones some times have to hit bottom before realizing. Let him help himself. I imagine his mom is, with others may be enabling him and do not realize. This can cause serious mental issues in your children. Let alone can be dangerous. Its the drugs not him. He has to find his way. At the moment he may mean what it says, but just at that one moment. Money wise you will go down in a hole. Great you are clean that is awesome, kids need you.
Shayna,
Eric never gave in although I knew that he was filling my pain medication (morpheme) although I did not want to believe it. The pharmacy confirmed it and I was devastated! I still am. I just can’t believe that he did this. I thought we had a future of love and trust. I am hurt and I forgive Eric for his wrongdoing…it just hurts to this day!
You have to think of your daughters and what they see. Its them you put first and if you and him are meant to be he will change when the time is right and then maybe not only you can make that choice. Ask yourself do your kids deserve a clean mom with a healthy life or both parents with one who’s priorities are not the same.
Take you, and your daughters, and MOVE! Put some distance between you and him. Once you are no longer there - he may or may not change…however, you can NOT wait for him to change - YOU MUST CHANGE and do it now!
He is not the problem. It’s his mother. She needs to be given boundries. He needs to adhere to them. Or, he can stay with her.
You don’t have to let him come back. Talk to his mom & find out if she still wants to see the kids but you can’t do that if he’s using. Don’t punish Grandma because of her son. She might not even know he’s using so make sure she knows. Nothing wrong with the kid going over there every 2 days. I commend you for that because a lot of women are vengeful & use the kids against their dad. Stay clean, you know what he’s going through & you know it’s not him. But protect yourself also. He needs rehab.
If he is using he does not need to be around your kids. You can actually get charged with child neglect for that because you are allowing them to be around someone who is on drugs
Your first sentence says it all. A man who chooses drugs over his family is not someone to be trusted
Your health and well being first.
You can’t change someone…they need to want that themselves.
Do you. See what happens.
Take care of you and your girls. He has to want help for himself . It will destroy anything in its past been there. Easier said than done i know ive been through it
Leave him for the kids no man is worth bring you down. Keep your head high and remember the kids are your first priiority
Ditch the drug addict!!! Unless you want to loose your kids and have your kids see their dad fucking up. You already know what you gotta do and thats bounce.
Leave, using while he has the kids is not acceptable
Like I’ve always said u can’t fix or help someone that doesn’t see it or want it, you can bring a horse to water but u can’t force it to drink. You need to look after you and your girls and pray for him and for u on strength
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My child’s father was a user and still was till he got locked up 2 years ago and hope he doesn’t when he gets out but to the point I left him and let him be himself and not bother with him/associate with him u less it was something dealing with our child which I dnt even regret it at all
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He is not an adult or father let go he will not change his mother needs to throw him out
I’m proud of you for staying clean . Stay true to yourself .
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Trust your feelings and I would not allow him to be around your children
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Hi Shayna. I am formally Cathy Von Dar. A very toxic relationship. I loved him, but he never loved me despite his love of his daughter and his love early on for me. Eric let me pay for all of his bad business choices and I was very naive! I have learned and I have moved on in a positive way! I hope that you and Mickey have found your way…if not then please let me know so that I can pray for you!
Best, loving, care,
Cathy!
Move on to focusing on you and your kids.
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Dam, he’s not a good father if hes using. Move on!
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you know what to do !
for your strength to move on , only he can help himself
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Do what is best for the kids.
What are you teaching your children by hanging onto this man who is so bad for you? Is this the life you want for them, because you are teaching them that this is okay??
Love yourself and love your children enough to let go of him.
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You have to take care of you and your girls.
An active drug addict is NOT a good father. PERIOD.
Move on and don’t look back!!!
Let him go, cut all ties and focus on you
Move on or he’ll pull you down.
Do what is best for u and those girls move on
Move on and seek a protection order for yourself and your kids.
You need to move on.
Proud of you for staying clean, move on will be keeping you in my prayers 
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Dump himits YOUR life that is at stake!!
He can’t be a great father if he’s addicted to drugs. 
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You know what to do. Now do it. You have a responsibility and duty to your children to protect them from harm and this is harm in the worse way. I’d dad can’t get his act together then he has chosen to NOT be in your children’s life. His mom is an enabler and if you hang on to this dream of a good family with him you are too. He has to hit rock bottom before he can look up and see light. So long as you allow him the good things in life without any effort hell continue to use both drugs and yours and your children’s love. Time to move your ship forward in your life and improve it for your children and yourself, it will be his choice if he wants to get in the dingy and row to get to you.
Dump him and move on! He will always bring you down to his level if you let him.
Stay far far away from him!!!
No - first off he is not a good father or he wouldn’t be using or choosing drugs over his kids. Why the hell would you allow your kids to be around a junkie who is active in his addiction?! This is NO LONGER about you and your need for a man. You are setting the example of what your daughters should tolerate in their life when they grow up! Is this what you’d want for them? You were strong enough to dig yourself out of drug addiction, mama - now dig yourself out of your addiction to this man. You can do this and make a better life for you and your kids.
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To move on or not is up to you . Only you will know if your heart is ready. It’s so hard . I watched my best friend struggling for 8 years her boyfriend was an amazing man he only had one flaw he was a drug addict. He passed away Dec 6th. All you can do is let him know he is loved pray for him tell him you will be there as his children’s mother but wont enable him or allow it around your self or your children. Tell him you will be there when hes ready to get clean if your with someone or not. As far as a relationship that he needs to concentrate on his sobriety and you dont know what the future holds. Please tell him this can kill him. My friend died 12/6 he was only 42 he died a week after his 42nd birthday day. He struggled for years we never thought it would kill him but it did its nothing to play with. Not trying to scare you but you have to try to make him understand if he wants to see yalls babies grow he needs to stop. The stuff out there now is no joke. I’ve lost several friends over the past few years and I dont really run with that crowd it’s just every where now. Lot of people you wouldn’t even think have this issue it’s so sad. Praying for you and your kids.
So, now that you’re clean, he has no choice but to be? Since you gave it all up, he’s the bad guy for not also giving it all up? Lmao wild
Congratulations on your sobriety but you have to do what’s best for you and your girls they don’t need to see their father like that and an addict isn’t gonna truley stop until they are ready they have to want it more than anythin.
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Think of your children and yourself first! Congratulations on your soberity! Don’t let him pull you back into that lifestyle. You’ve come a long way! Let him go if he chooses substance abuse over his family. You are a strong woman, you have been sober 11 mo, move on, let go!
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Congratulations on your sobriety. Maybe you can work through this with your sponsor and perhaps try alanon.
It appears he has made his choice for both of you. He needs treatment and you should attend counseling or a support group. 
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You need a support group.
He is making his choice. You have to respect it. When he’s ready to get clean and stay clean, that’s when you can talk about making it work again. Right now you need to stay strong for your children. They will follow in your footsteps. Make wise choices for you and for them.
Get into a support group, a church, somewhere where you can get some encouragement to stay strong and FOCUSED.
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You cannot fix him. Love him without him for yourself and your kids. The drug isn’t more important than you guys, but it is more powerful in influence. You already know the drill. Wishing you the best.
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As a substance abuse counselor in training I can tell you that until he hits rock bottom you will have to decide to back away and distance yourself, not only for your own sobriety but for your children. He will need to come to the point if wanting sobriety on his own. It can be hard when you love someone to not want to stay and help them through it but by showing him that you will only allow him in your life if he is sober (and you mean it) will he be able to see he has a choice in his own life.
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Way to go for getting clean yourself! He makes his decision to use and you want what’s best for the kids.Get your kids away from him and seek supervised visits.
He’s an addict; he’s a great father…which is it? Cant be both!
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I’d move on! You cleaned up to better yourself dont go back because of some man even if it’s the man who helped create your kids
Congrats on staying strong and soberIm not one to jump and say leave him (I’m a recovering addict almost 6 years sober. People can change) but you need to sit down and tell him HE has to think of the future of your family. He may be a good father now but that won’t last. I would not let him be alone with the children being a drug user anything bad can happen but there is nothing wrong with meeting up from time to time for him to see them. If he feels like he has lost them it will most likely cause him to spiral harder. A situation like this is hard and one thing ive learned in the 6 years sober, going to aa and na meeting and having sober friends is one persons solution might now fit another. Talk about rehab, counseling and him getting better for his family. The resources are out there.