Time to leave your wasting your time and your life. Don’t raise your kids around this. You wouldn’t want them in the same situation. Lead by example.
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Get a prenup and a will.
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Honestly I wouldn’t marry him. Yes maybe stay with him if you’re happy but don’t get married. If the relationship doesn’t last it’s a lot easier to part ways if you’re not married and don’t have assets or debt together.
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If it’s important to you why not have a commitment ceremony to solidify how you feel, wear rings, take his last name on fb and leave the government out of it.
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Sounds like he dosnt have much faith in your relationship, if he wanted to be with you forever he would want to marry you no matter what 
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If he is more concerned about debt, money, homes than how you feel and how you want to live your life. Then he’s not the one for you. It doesn’t matter if you have a kid together. He puts you second and the question is, do you accept putting you second to everything. If you accept being number 2, then stay. But of you know your worth more then the side piece (door mat girl) then move on. Mention to him, the childsupport bill you’ll be sending and Payment you incurred while living together. Get a lawyer. He will have to pay up then you can show him how much he is really loosing out by not marrying you.
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I would leave but that’s me.
Obviously he has trust issues.
Marriage is important especially with kids involved.
Do you want your kids to be in a relationship without marriage.
I would be upfront with him that you want marriage and if he doesn’t think your worth that that than that’s a huge flag. Also give him a date you want a ring and an approximate wedding date and if he doesn’t do it well another flag.
If he loves you like you say than he will marry you with no hesitation!
You deserve what your asking for and your also teaching the kids how to be
He can get protections in place to protect his assets from divorce.
What advice would you give your daughter?
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If marriage is important get a reverend to do it. The state doesn’t have to be involved
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It’s called a prenup for a reason
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Idk bout this. I’ve seen men that don’t want to commit because they already legally tied some place else
I was just going through the same thing, message me if you’d like. We came to an agreement, compromised.
Girl leave. He doesn’t want to marry you because you’ll get half his stuff? Y’all been together 4 years? These are intense trust issues on his end and he doesn’t seem too confident y’all will last. Y’all got a kid together and you’re a SAHM which means you don’t personally have any income coming in (more than likely). If he were to leave right now you’d be SOL.
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That’s what prenuptial agreements are for … but make sure you put in that guy if he cheats on you and you can provide proof he pays you alimony… 
protect yourself too
I couldn’t love my life with someone who was more worried about what I might take when I leave. Especially if I was a SAHM and had the most to lose since I’d be depending on him and having a huge gap in my job history to support our family.
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Marriage is SO MUCH MORE than just a piece of paper. If being a Wife is important to you, he is wasting your time.
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Personally I would let it be and I only say this because my mom and step dad were the same way they just celebrated their 10 year anniversary this summer and got married the day after they both had been through rough divorces and had agreed they didn’t want to get married again but here we are 10 years later and now they are married. If you’re truly happy with him and he treats you right I would just leave the subject alone for now some people just need more time before they feel its the right time for it.
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I’d leave him. Why is he worried about *when yall break up?
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Get married but not on paper
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When my Ex and I were together…I had 3 children from a previous marriage. I got laughable child support. He wanted me to stay at home with the kids when I had our daughter. I tried it for 6 weeks and even my older kids treated me like a maid. So I went back to work. I worked hard and earned well because of it. He saw that it wasn’t just HIS money supporting us…it was mine too…and he’s going to have to pay Child support regardless of whether the two of you work out or not. And if he bailed on us…I had the ability to support everyone I’m responsible for. Many states honor common law marriages…so his arguments against are kind of silly
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“His House”……… WOW……
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Common law is like you are married already
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I don’t understand why everyone feels like they have to get married. If you have a good solid relationship then why do you need to be married?
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It’s going to lead you into resentment and bitterness if you settle for that. It’s a huge deal to you, so I don’t think you need to just accept it like some are saying. You’re not going to be happy in the long run. And the fact that he told you it’s because of his money and possessions is an ugly superficial mindset…why wouldn’t he bring up a prenup if that’s the case?
You both get more money back on your income taxes for the kid if you don’t marry…
If I was you… buy the rings and do the vow ceremony but don’t file the paperwork
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How is it not binding your debts together if you’re a SAHM? Doesn’t he already pay them? If it were me, I’d look into working and he could pay for childcare and I’d get ready to leave. Jmo.
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Yah theres a thing called a prenup sounds more like a deeper issue with him. Start to look into how to how to move on because its not sounded like hes going to change his mind anytime soon.
Wait! You and he live together and have a child together and you are a stay at home parent, correct? So you’re essentially allowed to live the life of a married couple without having the benefits of being married? And yet you want to tell us your relationship is “healthy”? Sweetheart, it’s far from “healthy”. He’s a narcissists and you need to leave for your sake and your older children’s sake or they’ll be begging to go live with their father. That guy wants to leave you with nothing while you take care of his child. Talk with him about you getting a part time job and see what happens. Woman to Woman, mother to mother… What are you going to do if he sends you and your older children packing, or if something happens to him (remember anything happens to him his family has more rights than a live-in gf, a wife has more rights than the family)? Who are you trying to get to believe about your relationship being healthy, us or yourself? I’ve been there and done it, it’s not! He has you in that “If not for me you and your children wouldn’t have!!!” stage. Pay attention to his words and actions, actions speak louder than words. Hope things get better for you and your children. They of all people deserve someone who is proud to be their step-up parent and isn’t ashamed to provide for them.
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Not everyone wants to be married. Its really not that big of a deal 
don’t force it on him. It’ll just push him away. If you really love him, it shouldnt matter if you get married or not. 
Im 11yrs deep in my relationship. Not married but everything is like we are anyways.
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Maybe if you can get a job and start contributing to the household income. He doesn’t want your debt and he doesn’t want you to have his. So while working you can not only contribute to the household but you can pay of your debt. Hopefully he is in thenpricess of paying off his debt as well. Just a thought.
“He spoils me with necessities”…
necessities?? Like, things you actually ~need~?
that’s not spoiling you. That’s just keeping you alive. And you sound like him buying jewelry for you is a huuuuge deal. Not that it isn’t nice (because it is), but I just think you don’t know what your own worth is. Clearly he doesn’t think you’re worth marrying, but worth some jewelry once a year for a special occasion.
Idk. Doesn’t really sound healthy to me.
If he doesn’t want your debts- that’s understandable. And I think a prenup can take care of that. But it just sounds like he don’t wanna marry you bc if he did— he would already have looked into that.
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There is always a prenup
You should tell him half his paycheck is yours regardless of marriage. Child support is a b@%#! if y’all ever break up
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Just as he knew what you wanted…marriage you knew what he did not want. The love that you share, how he treats you ad supports you amd the film is important. If God forbid something happens to him, you are not entitled to any of his benefits. The kids will get something but not you. I do not say get married for money at all. I am just saying think things through prior to making rash decisions.
Marriage isn’t everything but I feel you 
More and more people are electing not to marry! It’s not a romantic choice so much as it is a business contract! He’s probably not willing to lose it all if you and he does not make it! Don’t blame him as your already ready to walk!
Iv been engaged for 9 yrs, together for 11. I understand exactly what you are saying as I too want to. For us I think it’s the fear of the spotlight. For me it’s security to be married. Someone actually wants me. You could talk to him again and find out why he’s against it… An idea is better than sitting and wondering.
How long will your family home be “his” house?
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Well, he told you he didn’t want to get married. After 4 years, he isn’t going to change his mind.
May be hes not ready…and feel pushed about marrage…I know loads of people that are just happy as they are not everyone has to get married.
You already got married and how did that go? Lol
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“His house” when you have his child? That is y’all’s house and paycheck. Smh. Thats a huge red flag there!
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Read your post again…actually READ what you said. It is not as healthy as you claim.
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How about couples counseling to help you explore possibilities? Do you have significant debt from school expenses or poor money management? Also could help you discern if he has your best interests at heart or is being controlling.
I mean, he doesn’t want marriage 
can’t make the man marry you.
Wtf??? He doesn’t want the commitment, period. Any man that truly loves you and wants to share life with you would take on anything for you, even your debts. And in the end would give the house to the parent who is raising his child, you or himself. Period.
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Your relationship doesn’t sound perfect. He doesn’t want to combine y’alls bills? In Alabama after 6 years together you are considered a common law wife. Pretty much means your married except having marriage certificate
You have to look at marriage like a religion. People have very personal high views on the subject. Sometimes you can convert. Other times you’ll just have someone who will disagree. And you know what? That’s okay.
Can YOU live without projecting your belief onto him? Or is it so strong you can’t ignore it?
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I know that feeling for sure. Been with guy 32 yrs now he helped raise my 3 children and a grandson now for 16 yrs. I mention marriage. And I get is don’t start. This again. Upsets me. And all but. I know we love each other and all but some day I would like to remarry. I’m not getting any younger that s. For sure
If it’s a priority for you, offer to have a legal prenuptial agreement drawn up and signed. If that doesn’t satisfy his concerns, then that’s not what is stopping him. At that point you’ll have to accept that he’s not going to marry you and forget it or move on.
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A man that is truly committed to spending his life with you should consider “his” house to belong to the whole family, including the mother of his child. The thing you are describing sounds like my ex husband! EVERYTHING was HIS and I should have felt lucky to be apart of it! Before I get pregnant we agreed I would quit my job and stay home with our child. That’s when the abuse began…I was a mooch, a fat bitch, ungrateful, he could do anything he wanted and I wasn’t to question it. If I wanted to do anything without our son, I HAD TO PAY A SITTER with money I earned, WTF?! I wasn’t allowed to have friends over, wasn’t allowed to leave the house for anything other than shopping. He left only enough gas in the 2nd vehicle for me to go to the closest store, the low gas light was always on. He checked the joint checking account constantly, I couldn’t buy anything without clearance. You need to reevaluate your relationship.
I dated my husband for 6 months then he asked me to marry him. Well, we was engaged for 4 years, he claimed it was just a piece of paper and he didn’t want to, I talked to him and finally got him to agree, so we finally just married this year. Your time will come with him!
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He wants to shower you with gifts but not a ring . There is a Man out there that will Marry you. Don’t waste your time honey. Pray about it! He should want to Marry you also. You have to make your own self happy dear.
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If he doesn’t want to get married then don’t pressure him. You dont have to be married to love and live with someone Marriage is literally a piece of paper.
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Do you know how stressful it is to be the only one working in the house when there’s so many bills and finances to take care of . Maybe if you got your children in day care and helped contribute he may change his mind and say wow she’s a mother and can work and take care of the home. Maybe I should marry her before someone else takes her from me. Think about it.
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Ummmmm you knew this but choose to have a child with him and stay for 4 years?
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I mean if he doesn’t want to get married then he doesn’t want to get married , no matter the reason. Guilt tripping or making him feel obligated to marry you isnt fair to either of you. He knows it’s important to you , and still chooses not to… then it’s up to you whether you are willing to settle with that and love him anyways , or move on and find someone who will.
Pre-nup is always an option ? Seems like he uses it as an excuse.
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This sounds very toxic. Get out now while you still can.
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Check out common law marriage in your state, especially with a child involved. The reasoning for this is…incase anything happens, you won’t be left high & dry with nothing. Know of a few couples that have been together for years but not married. In a case or two, children were part of the family, so check and see what your entitled to. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell-never married.
Ummm prenup. He can keep his house and pay check haha. You don’t want him for his money or house right? And then go find yourself a job! Happily married after 
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You guys are most likely common law married anyway.
He wouldn’t think like that if he wants to be with you. He’s keeping a way out open. You could mention a prenuptial next time but if he do didn’t go for it you might want to thing about moving on.
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Maybe you should get a job and show him you dont need to live off him . I would move on but thats me . I wish you all the best god bless
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I can understand not wanting to get married due to the combination of debt, taxes, insurances, and other factors. If your relationship is truly healthy…marriage shouldn’t be necessary. My man and I have agreed to wait until we are much older to marry… like our 60’s to make sure we are both protected when one of us goes. The idea of marriage is a sacred thing but now a days it isn’t treated as such…Men specifically run such a high risk if the marriage does in fact not work out. No one should have to pay hundreds of dollars or give up half of what they own just to leave someone when things aren’t working out.
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I believe it would be beneficial to you to sit down and write a list of pros and cons for marriage in general.
Then a list of pros and cons for specifically getting married to your partner.
You have to be completely open and honest with yourself.
Are your intentions pure?
Do you want to marry him because this is the love of your life or because this is a partner you have a child with/together for years?
If after all this self reflection you do indeed want to marry him for the proper healthy reasons…You need to stop thinking about yourself and consider his feelings.
Because not once did I see you question what could be the root of his fear and how you properly try to help him through these feelings.
Have you stopped to think that he possibly is so worried about not being secure material wise, because he doesn’t feel secure emotionally?
I see a lot of comments just saying leave him or if he wanted to marry you he would. I’ve seen comments just saying you should get a job.
These are black and white answers, and leave no room for actual communication and mutual resolution.
Where is the reach out of proper communication to understand why he feels the way he feels? Where are you validating how he feels?
How are you ensuring your emotional support through his insecurities?
Are you giving him a safe space to work through any trauma he may have surrounding the idea of marriage?
You can not tell a man what you want/need to feel loved and secure while forgetting he too is human and has his own needs/wants to be fulfilled.
A conversation about love languages can help with this.
You both need to mentally and emotionally feel safe and secure with each other or marriage is nothing more than extra expensive steps to being single.
It is much more complicated than he’s an asshole and will never marry you.
Leave him and marry someone else
Everyone isn’t the same but have hope I already had 1 kid and one with my boyfriend of 3 yrs we did eventually get married tho he knows he doesn’t want anyone else it just takes guys longer. But he was the same way marriage was a frustrating conversation until it wasn’t.
Prenuptial agreement would help out alot here
Correction : Your relationship is not healthy
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My now fiance thoight marriage was just a peice of pa0er 6 years of being tofether n 2 lids he finally asked me we did not talk about it because i didnt want to pressure him either leave or give it time
Start referring to him as your husband/fiance around people. That’ll shake things up for him.
My ex was the same way. Didn’t see himself marrying me and it made me emotionally pull away. Fortunately I did not have any children with him. Was with him for almost five years and every time I brought it up he shrugged it off. For a good month or two at the end I thought he was going to propose and it never happened. So we broke it off and it was mutual.
6 months later I met the love of my life and we are now happily married with a two year old. I just told him what I wanted from the get go and I wasn’t settling for anything less than that.
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Doesn’t he know that If you’ve been living together for that long in a de facto relationship and because you have a child you’re entitled to half of everything. I understand completely that he’s good to you and treats you well etc. but he’s not very savvy about the whole relationship thing
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