Have a wedding and don’t sign any papers
I would walk away with a swiftness
The guy has been burnt or has a friend or family that has been burnt from a toxic woman.
I had to tell mine it was time to “shit or get off the pot.” We went and picked out rings. That being said we’ve been engaged since May of 2020 and now I need to set a date. I hope it isn’t as hard to set a date as it was to get engaged!
somebody is a little dumb
Run as fast as you can.
Honey you got options
Need to get them kids tested
Marriage is a piece of paper unless you live in Colorado and say you’re married then they just honor that
Prenuptial agreement 
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He is a selfish scoundrel
The only thing you seem to be missing out on are secular benefits of marriage and a right to claim half of his property if it goes south. Why is a document so important to you? Is your relationship with him based on a document?
Please remember YOU ARE WORTHY!
Just get a pre nup… sorted.
old sayins … “why buy a cow when the milk is free” …
I think you are too fixated on the idea of marriage . Sounds like you are both living a “ married life “ - piece of paper means very little if living together and dealing w daily grind and life w kids don’t work .
Marraige is more to me a legality for certain things - a relationship it does not make - i been w my husband fr 10 yrs - we were married 2 yrs ago and if he never asked i was okay w that too … bc we were committed to each other and making our relationship work.
As for bills - my bills are mine - what my husband and i create together ( like property etc ) is our i will inherit - bills is not a reason. … some people feel getting married harms a relationship - idk but I wouldn’t make this an issue to leave if i were you. As you said , he is good to you
You could be married and he is a monster … grass isn’t always greener
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If he married you he’d be a bigamist
It sounds like you both want and need two different things, so time to move on.
Well…I’m sorry, but you chose poorly and now you have a child with a man who won’t commit.
I wonder when you liberal women are going to find your brains and stop bringing kids into the world before marriage and with poor quality men?
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Their is always a pre-nuptial.
Common law marriages exist in a lot of states, id look it up for your area. Cohabitating for long periods of time entitles you to some rights to things you’ve aquired together, if thats the point of interest, but, what is the need to be married? Is it telling others youre married?
*edited. And will add, common law marriage apparently aren’t very common anymore as has been pointed out. With this being said, there are still things you can do, to have the same results as marrisge, without discounting eithers wishes.
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It’s just a piece of paper. Marriage can make things worse financially, and with insurance etc, that is if you’re in the US. Some people actually get divorced when they’re older because one falls ill, and insurance is absolutely insane about it all. Same with credit, it all ties together. My partner and I have been together for 8.5 years, one child, and we’re perfectly happy without being married.
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Maybe what YOU want shouldn’t be your number 1 priority.
What does a piece of paper mean?
Dam. There’s no trust there!
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It’s just a piece of paper honestly
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In the eyes of the government, at least in Alberta Canada, you’re already married. You had a kid and live together. So really, it is just a piece of paper at this point. I’m indifferent. I have an engagement ring but we’ve been together 5 years and have 2 kids.
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This is a trap. Get married or get out. Mention a prenup if he’s that worried about losing his shit. But honestly, if that’s all he’s worried about, I don’t think he’s worth marrying lol.
If he loves you? What you want is important to him too. What kind of message are you send to your daughter? How would you feel if your daughter was living with a man, who disrespected her? You are worth more! Find a man, who had same values as yours. Don’t get involved with a man like this. You matter! No just what he wants. Stand up for yourself
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Marriage is just a piece of paper that costs money to make it go away. If you are more referring to the spiritual union, then you don’t even need to get “legally” married, just schedule and have a ceremony. You can legally change your name to match his, so long as it’s otherwise legal to do so… Honestly, marriage was created when humans only lived to 40 anyway, it’s not as realistic when we live twice as long now. The world is different, let’s ditch the old constructs.
Marriage will not keep a couple together if there are serious issues in the relationship.
He is committed to you without marriage already. You have a child together and he works hard to support you all financially as well as emotionally.
Why is it so important to push the agenda for marriage if you are already in a married-like relationship anyway?!
Just enjoy your relationship and your life together as it is. It’s not worth putting strain on it over different beliefs of whether you should be legally married or not.
Did he really say he didn’t want you to wind up with his house or half of his paycheck??but you are living in his house and not working??well,at least you get to spend these young years with your kids,that’s definitely a plus.
In a court of law as a defacto with more than a few years together at the same address you’d get half of the assets etc anyway so that can’t be his excuse now.
All the ladies that are commenting on here about common law marriage and marriage is a piece of paper excetera excetera I I’m not arguing with your opinion you’re entitled to it but without that piece of paper, you have no legal recourse for a lot of things. Without a piece of paper, you cannot make any medical decisions for him unless it’s written on a piece of paper you and not his beneficiary for his life insurance if God forbid something happens. As for combining your debt, unless he puts his name on your dad and you put yours on his oh, it is still separate. I don’t understand women who stay with the men that have children with him he’s good enough to create another life with and good enough to have the title of father of my children but not good enough to have the title of husband. To each their own I suppose all I’m saying is that piece of paper is protection for you. And I agree with the ladies were saying if you’re not working you’re not contributing to your future for Social Security quarters. And I also agree with the poster who said he’s worried about losing half his assets to you and you’re not even married that would be a huge red flag for me too
Why do you need a piece of paper to be happy in your self described extremely healthy relationship? Do you even really want to marry HIM or do you just want to be married? I genuinely believe with the right person, it doesn’t matter if you’re married or defacto… and realistically if you’re already defacto (which I assume you are) you can probably take him for half his shit anyway if you break up. Maybe think about WHY this matters so much to you, and to him? He’s obviously seeing red flags if he’s worried about what happens when it ends, while you’re not even seeing and end in sight 
If marriage s what you want it is time to leave
Yep marriage is flawed nobody wants that shit
Marriage is not always good
Get rid of him, he’s not worth the trouble.
This is something you need to analyse the crap out of together, maybe with a counsellor to keep you two level headed as you discuss opposing opinions.
For you, why do you “need” to get married? Legally, most of what you get from a marriage, you already get or are entitled to get. Emotionally, the same story. Are you wanting the legal document? The big party? To change your name? The latter two you can do without it being a wedding. There’s legal ways to change your name so you both have the same surname as the kids. You can have a party to celebrate your commitment to each without a wedding. If it’s the document, you need to look hard and figure out why that piece of paper is so important. I’m not judging, there are many reasons why it should be and only you can truly answer that question.
For him, he needs to analyse exactly why he’s so against a wedding. Does he hate attention? Does he fear the legal commitment? Does he have a secret past? Does he have a childhood trauma or past bad relationship? Does he just not see the point when you two are basil arrived anyway? Does he want to save money? Does he hate large gatherings? A couple of his comments suggest a commitment phobia or a worst case scenario fear of what if it goes wrong. But with a long term relationship like yours, there isn’t much difference legally whether you have the piece of paper or a de facto relationship.
One thing that needs to be decided is whether or not the marriage issue is a dealbreaker. It will only fester and make other issues worse. Talk to a counsellor together, find a middle ground or figure out if this relationship is sustainable. The pair of you staying in limbo isn’t helping anyone. A relationship takes more than just love to last. There are certain things that can make people incompatible no matter how much they love each other. I love my husband to the moon and back but if he’d been deadset against kids, I would have had to find someone else. Because for me, no kids was a deal breaker. So you need to discuss, is a wedding or lack thereof a dealbreaker?
if u have a good thing what will a peice of paper do? wear a ring and call yourself married your already committed u don’t need a paper to prove it.
My opinion it’s just marriage. It doesn’t matter unless you belive it does. I feel like it’s just a contract like for the government and not usually for LOVE. You don’t need marriage to be committed or faithful that’s what’s important.
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People seem to be flossing over the “2 kids FROM A PERVIOUS MARRIAGE” part. It’s fair for him to worry about and be rational about the marriage ending since more than 1/2 of marriages in this country end in divorce.
It sounds like he was upfront about how he felt about marriage just like the poster was upfront about her desire to be married yet again.
I’m also against marriage for the same reasons her boyfriend lists. My GF and I bought a house together. So we both equally own it. I see this as being better than marriage.
- did you know he Didn’t want to marry early on? He knew you did-but did you ignore his thoughts thinking he would change? People don’t change.
- why is a traditional marriage situation necessary? You have A Child together. You Live together. Obviously the certificate isn’t needed for life to happen. Is it out of social expectations? If it’s for religious beliefs the standards were already crossed.
- he’s right about the money/property. Shit explodes in finances 99/100 in a divorce-plus the lawyers fees that most people take on.
- why not compromise? have a civil ceremony-go through the motions-wear the ring. Don’t sign the license. You don’t have tell everyone.
- if you Love this Man you don’t force him to do something he hates. His side counts just as much. Love does not give ultimatums. Do not lose a man because you have an ideal that he can’t conform to. Let him be who he is. He is the Father Of Your child And The Man your kids live with. Don’t rip a family apart because you’re disappointed. Find a solution!
Let go of fairytale traditions-they get us NoWhere-they are outdated and simpleminded.
Sign a pre-nup if he’s worried about money. Problem solved.
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Tell him to get a prenuptial agreement. That should ease his worries and you can sign that marriage paper. tbh though, being married is nothing these days. Its a fantasy people dream about, so you gotta decide for yourself what is more important. A good healthy relationship or an unhappy husband.
I would reflect on what about marriage is so important to you and why he is against the idea. You can do a prenup if that’s his concern. Or maybe you can still do a wedding to celebrate your love with all your friends without the official marriage certificate. At the end of the day, if the love is there and the relationship is healthy, I’m sure you’ll both be willing to compromise and find a common ground that will work for both of you. If you cant, then maybe you need to find someone that has the same values as you as to not build resentment or tension in the relationship.
Marriage is just a legal ceremony and piece of paper that represents the commitment. If you have the true love and true commitment, you don’t need to have the piece of paper. If you are happy on every other aspect, forget the piece of paper
All I gotta say is…I was with a guy who I saw forever with and I wanted to get married. He said he didn’t believe in marriages. We eventually broke up and the next girl he got with, he eventually ended up marrying her.
If you want to get married, I don’t think you should settle. Both of yall need to meet each other half way. Sign a prenup, go to the courthouse to get married. Weddings don’t have to be expensive.
It also wouldn’t hurt to go to couples counseling and have a mediator there to help discuss how you both feel. If you really want to get married and sacrifice that for him, I’m worried you’ll end up resenting him.
At a certain point you have to ask yourself are you happy, is he everything you need and want in life could you imagine your life without him those are the important things. Marriage is literally a piece of paper it’s not magic it doesn’t make someone more committed to you it’s a legal paper binding you together. You have to ask yourself is that paper more important than the bond and life you have built.
If your happy together I don’t see what the problem is for either of you to be honest, shouldn’t make much difference to him to get married, his excuses make no sense as he can get a pre-nup if really necessary, and equally a ring and title shouldn’t make much difference to you (sorry if this offends that’s just my view on marriage), my advice would be to weigh how much you want to be married compared with how happy your relationship is and if it’s worth loosing over a wedding
I lived without marriage with my partner of 28 years till his death 2 years ago… it was the most wonderful relationship I could ever have hoped for. Neither one of us pushed for the paper. We talked about it and joked about it… ( if it ain’t broke don’t fix it… etc), he was a fantastic step father to my daughter, he helped me take care of my mom who lived with us for 7 years when she had Alzheimers… We were a team and I still cry over him being gone. I was married for 11 years in my early 20’s and it didn’t come close to what I had with my partner. I can’t believe you would leave a good relationship just for a piece of paper.
My now husband took 8 years to propose. I stressed about it for a good 5 of those years even though we lived together, he was generous and so on. It wasn’t until I basically started to genuinely prepare myself to move on and leave him that he seemed to sense his grace period was over - and he was suddenly open to discussing getting engaged. We were then engaged in 6 months. Married a year after that. We didn’t have a child though so that makes it so much tougher for you. Right at that end point all my gut instincts were telling me that he just wasn’t the marrying kind. And my gut instinct was wrong in this case. All I can say is be true to yourself and your needs. If you want to get married, then don’t feel that you are asking too much. It is absolutely ok to want to get married. It doesn’t NOT make you needy, insecure or anything like that. Wishing you all the very best xxxxxx
If he is good to you and your children a ring and a piece of paper doesn’t mean that you will be together forever. I was with my first wife for 6 yrs before we went and got that paper that says we are married. Had a house,boat,truck car she wanted everything was great. 6 months later things changed and we got divorced. Dont ruin something good just because you need a piece of paper saying he’s yours or vise versa.
You should have married first, then moved in and then had a child. This guys cares about himself and his possessions first and foremost then maybe your child then you. Your stuck
I was with my husband for many many years before we got married. I was the one against marriage, but one day I woke up and said, let’s get married (we were very happy before and still are after we married, he’s a good one)
It may or may not happen with him.
I get what you are saying, but if that is your only problem in your relationship, then you are doing pretty good. Look around, good men are hard to find. Sounds like you have it pretty good.
How is he going to tell his child one day why her mother was not good enough to make her his wife. There is always a Prenup that can be signed.
Are his parents divorced? We both had parents with messy divorces and we both said nope not getting married , 12 years later we are now.
married or not you’re entitled to all benifits of a wife
He wants to be able to dump you when he finds someone younger.
Thats true marriage = divorce
Why would any guy want to get married?
It’s a trap
There is always another man that will love to marry you. And don’t keep having babies. Save the best for last
Husbands can fool ya for sure. Not at all what you need. Oh I’m sure there are some good ones, but few and far between.
Boo hockie…he just doesnt want to make an adult commitment
Married or not you are entitled to half of everything anyway
I hope you know he’ll never change and you will never be truly happy. Find someone who makes you smile and truly loves you.
Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free…I was the cow for 18yrs, till I left. I’m currently happily married to someone else now😏
My current bf of 4 years is also not super into marriage, but it doesn’t have to do with loosing material things. I was annoyed at first but we are strong enough that we don’t necessarily need paperwork or name changes to show it. (I still absolutely want to be married) but like someone said before, if it’s over material things like loosing a house then he’s probably not committed or he’s not mature enough to handle marriage.
I know a lot of people who don’t want to get married because of their parents relationship and such.
Look if it ant broke don’t fix it…yall don’t need a piece of paper to say how much you love each other…see if he is open to a ceremony but no legal ties no name change and let it b …if that doesn’t work for you then if u really really must go then go…it’s simple 
Leave it alone … he knows where you stand … every day is a new day and a new mindset. If everything else is healthy you are blessed … who knows when or where but one day it could be that day … he will decide what it means to him and he had no idea it did until that moment then he can’t ask you fast enough n get down the isle …. Patience is a virtue 
good luck !!!
I found out after years of being together, my ex was still married to wife, never divorced her after 20 years of estrangement, until she was pregnant with another man’s baby. He didnt even have a driver’s license to prove who he was to the notary public, my sister and I had to prove his identity. I felt like I never could trust, or want to marry such a person! After 18 years of not being married, he found another, and I lost our inheritance home, dogs, and washer and dryer. Most of all, I found him in bed with another woman in my bed two days before Thanksgiving, using my best new sheets set! Scum, Bum, Manipulator, lying to his core!
MARRIAGE is a scam the govt was able to convince people into doing. All it is, is papers dude lmao have a ceremony buy some rings call each other husband and wife without giving the govt possession and entitlement to where all y’all shit goes. Your boyfriend is smart!
“This relationship is going so well, we should bring the government into it.”
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Don’t get married you don’t need to, your better off just being committed to one another, and remember 88% of women file for divorce you can’t blame him for not wanting to get married
“spoils me with necessities”…