If he’s worried about you getting his stuff, sign a prenup. If he still has an excuse, leave him. I’m sorry but if you’re not getting what you want, it’s time to move on. It won’t be easy but you can’t just ask him to do something he’s not comfortable with. And he can’t ask you to compromise your marital goals if he’s not willing to budge either. If you’re okay with your lifestyle and can truly give up the idea of marriage, then stay. But it will be unfair to hike it above his head, so make sure you’re actually comfortable and not just settling.
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Marriage is just a paper
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He doesnt wanna invest it sounds like and with children involved…that concerns me, honestly I’d go
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You say he knows that you’ve wanted to get married since the beginning. I’m guessing that means you’ve known how he’s felt since the beginning, too. Nothing against being a stay at home parent, at all. It’s a very under appreciated job. However, if he’s the sole bread winner, I can’t blame him for protecting his personal interests in case it doesn’t work out.
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I’m sorry, I Don’t necessarily believe in marriage or that you have to be married to be committed to someone. My problem is the way he spoke to you… He doesn’t wanna lose his house he doesn’t want to give half of his money to you… Excuse me but you share a child together, you have every right to be able to support and have a home for that child. The way he speaks it says if he wants to make sure he’s good and doesn’t really seem to give a flying F what happens to you your children or even his own child. That in itself really would bother me. He sounds incredibly selfish… I mean he knew what you wanted when you got into this. No amount of spoiling with other things will make up for a marriage. This is some thing you too really need to sit down and talk about there are obviously prenuptial agreements… Maybe have things in writing so that he won’t lose his house. It just seems like he’s setting you up. Being a stay at home mom is wonderful however if you don’t have other things in place you will be screwed. I say look out for yourself.
That’s a bullshit excuse. You can get a marriage contract. The guy isn’t being honest and clearly doesn’t see himself in a relationship that has a fully committed future, because he’s worried about keeping their lives as divided as possible. What else is he lying about?
Talk to him. Let him know that your future includes marriage, he needs to figure out what his includes while you still have a chance of finding a good man.
I’m not sure why you want to let a piece of paper the government gives define your relationship. It want a ceremony then fine but other than that it shouldn’t be an end all to the situation.
If marriage is your desire then leave. Go find your husband girl. Nobody has your answers but you. You get what you allow. I would be embarrassed after 10 years introducing my “boyfriend” still. Your husband is waiting for you.
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Tell him you will sign a prenup. Shouldn’t have an excuse then
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Offer up a prenuptial agreement that protects his assets. Some people don’t have the same warm fuzzies about marriage that the rest of us do.
The answer to this is easy, don’t have kids with people you’re not married to.
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Don’t take it personal. He’s trying to protect his assets. Ask him how he would feel if you worked out your debts and signed a prenup… If he’s still squirmy about it you’ll have to make a tough decision. Good luck <3
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If he doesn’t want to get married for those reasons, he doesn’t trust you. You have to decide whether or not you can accept that.
Sounds like he doesn’t want to fully commit. You’re right about not getting any younger. Maybe you should keep your options open. You might find a decent man who would actually want to marry you instead of stringing you along by saying he is “open minded” about marriage. I’ve been in that kind of situation a few times. Most of the time, when it is all said and done, they won’t marry you. I understand that you wouldn’t want to end up regretting staying with someone who doesn’t fully commit to you. And those snarky things he said to you about his house and paycheck was just a shitty thing for him to say. Sorry you are in that kind of predicament. I hope things work out for you.
Marriage is just a piece of paper. It’s stupid. Keep he Government out of your relationship.
Only options. Accept his decision or move on and find someone with your mind set of wanting to get married. He told you what he decided and he didn’t with marriage so accept it or move on.
Doesnt sound like a health relationship to me…he is pulling a number on you…I would call a lawyer and check the living together laws after so many years you are entitled to a certain amount…weather you are married or not…I would have a hard time trust a man like this…selfish and liar…good luck
Marriage is a ring and a piece of paper and a different tax bracket. Stop pressuring people into marriage when it literally does not change the vitality of the relationship.
You’re thinking about marriage and he’s planning the divorce. Move on
And might I say, he should worry more about the government taking what he’s worked for than a woman who takes care of his ass.
Without marriage he is free to walk away anytime he wants without penalty. I was married for 20 yrs. thought me marriage was good we agreed I stay home a take care of the house, the kids and him. I did. But after 20 yrs he walked away. I never paid into SS or a retirement plan. All the savings was his. But becuz I was married I got some of his retirement fund paid in monthly checks. This has helped me Tremendously since now I am a senior and collecting very little in Social Security
He seems more worried about monetary valued things. I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that
‘Marriage’ is a piece of paper the government asks you to pay for. The commitment is what matters. You can still have a wedding and still exchange vows without a marriage license. Your union just isn’t recognized by the State.
I have been happily un-married to my spouse for almost 13 years. He is the product of a very ugly divorce and legal marriage scares him silly. So we just ‘tied the knot’ in our own way.
Throwing away a healthy, functioning relationship over a slip of paper is nonsense. If you MUST have a legally binding marriage contract- then look into a prenup as well. Then his assets are protected & your debts are your problem to solve.
Like you really have to be married it don’t change shit other than after 10 yrs if the other dies you get their benefits if it is more than yours will be and maybe insurance for spouse if you cannot get your own with work
Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper that will cost to much money to get rid of, shouldn’t need a piece of paper to stay with someone, its not a big deal at all
Let me ask u this. How important is it to u to be legally married? Could u be happy long term with a monogamous, committed relationship? If u knew he was devoted to u and u are devoted to him, if u pay the bills and plan the meals as a family, if u attend functions together, if u both wore a ring or any other symbol of togetherness, if for all intents and purposes u were clearly a bonded pair, would u need the piece of paper to define ur relationship? I ask this because I have lived in relationships and I have lived in marriage. The only difference i have found was the sense of permanence, which frankly makes me feel trapped. As a woman, idk it just makes me feel like the property of a man and I cannot tolerate it. I’m not saying that this is how U should feel, but perhaps it is something ur BF is afraid of? There is no shame in living and loving in a way that works for u both and if that means not being legally married but maybe having a commitment ceremony, then that is something the 2 of u should talk about. I get it, u feel like ur twisting in the wind waiting for some kind of validation that this is IT for both of u. I just know that I feel more comfortable feeling like I make the choice to be a part of this every single day. U know how people say One decision shouldn’t have to define the rest of ur life? Many people feel that way about marriage. Try to find a way to compromise, because that is precisely what a marriage is. U cannot have it ALL or NOTHING. If marriage is absolutely on ur list of Must Have’s, and its absolutely on his list of Won’t Do’s, This may not be the man for u. Don’t throw in the towel yet. If he is that important to u, try everything. If u are that important to him, he will meet u in the middle.
Leave him. He’s not your type your type is a man that want marriage. If u want marriage be with someon will marry you. Do not waste your time with some one who won’t. If he just wants to be bf/gf then he needs to be with someone who wants the same. Ppl need to stop giving passes on certain things. Date your type.
If my partner asked me to marry him, of course I would in a heartbeat.
Do I need him to? No of course not. And I certainly won’t have the government decide how important my relationship is.
That being said, if its that important to you and neither of you are willing to change your minds or compromise unfortunately I can’t see it working in the long run.
Tell him you can sign a prenup if thats his worry. If he still says no - then go. Its important to you so why should you not have your dream? He knew you wanted to marry so 4yrs and a kid later to then say no is harsh
Listen if your relationship is working then why break it for a piece of papers? He should put Your name on the House note if not yours Your child’s at least to show he’s committed to Your relationship. If his doing what he’s supposed to be done by a man of marriage then what’s the problem? Does he have you n your child together on his insurance, is your name on the car note if you have one you’re paying for? Do you have a bank account in both your names together? Are you his emergency contact? Are you on his retirement account if he has one? Is he on any of yours? Even without that piece of paper if you two are doing this for each other then YOU ARE MARRIED 
You know what he’s not a real man get rid of him… You gave him a kid 4 years if that is not enough f*** him
Marriage is a partnership!!! He obviously doesn’t want that. Save up and move on,
You have to make a choice plain and simple. Which is more important… this relationship or the dream of marriage.
The very fact he stated he didn’t want you to wind up with his house would be enough for me. That alone would have killed it. When you have a partner it’s 50/50. That goes for everything. When it becomes unbalanced and more one sided then there is something wrong. He has too much of a me attitude. If he truly loved you this would not even be an issue and just because you have a child together does not mean anything at all. Marriage shows commitment. That you will stay together no matter what. That everything is shared. It also shows that that person won’t just walk out when they see fit. To me, being a different generation, by refusing it to me means he can kick you out whenever he sees fit and you get nothing. That he can do as he pleases without consequences. That’s what this situation says to me. It’s a red flag.
Marriage is just a piece of paper!
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He didn’t marry you at first he will never marry you because he is scared period
My man and I will be celebrating a decade together this weekend. I’m dying to get married sigh he went through a nasty divorce and lost parental custody (voluntarily to his mom) of his daughter in the process. It was a mess. I just told him last night I wasn’t going to die a spinster sigh after reading through these comments… I now understand a different path for us that will hopefully support us both 
thank you
If those are his concerns…maybe get unoffically married. Ceremony and everything just without the legal bs
You need a new boyfriend… make sure next one has your same ideals and is not a selfish prick…
With one kid between y’all, you already should have money Together for the baby… Maybe he doesn’t want to marry you and bin him money because you already have other kids and he doesn’t want to share that money with kids that are not his 
There are Pre nuptial agreements that can take place before a Marriage. Though a Couple can live happily Together without gettin hitched. Why is Marriage so important too you? 
Sign a prenup or just leave him & why is he so sure that it won’t work & you’ll be taking half of everything? You guys have a blended family so if ur gonna treat all ur kids as ur own than this money should be yours too luv
If he was to die unexpectedly, God forbid…where would that leave her and the Children? He sounds Selfish, who cares about jewelry? If he really loves her, I would think after 4 yrs he would make her a legal partner! I’m sure she probably cleans his house, does his laundry, cooks his meals, takes care of their Child! Move on Honey, someone out there will put you before Material Goods! Protect your future, he certainly isn’t!
So not to marry is a healthy relationship? He does not want to get married she does so find a guy who will marry
Bull ,if you together you share everything bills money no matter . He just don’t want to get married.
I would say goodbye. Find someone that shares your ideals. He does not from what you are saying.
Prenup. You don’t do one, if something were to happened to either one of you, the state gets involved. A prenup is NOT a bad idea.
What’s marriage these days? It’s just a piece of paper. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship anyway, so why are hankering after something that isn’t going to make any difference to how you relate to each other? From the way you spell ‘paycheck’, I take it you’re American. I have no idea what the laws are in the US, but I can tell you for certain that, if were living here in New Zealand, the law would treat you the same as if you were already married. You’ve been together for 4 years. You have a child together. In my country, that means you are already entitled to half of everything, as well as child support, regardless of whether you’re married or not.
Run, run, run, as fast as u can.
He’s a loser.
I say fuuck his debt, fuuck his house and his money and fuuck him.
I believe in marriage (53 years) but if he’s good to you and u have a good relationship, leave it alone. If u want kids have. Hes set against it for now. My daughter and her husband went together 4 years before they got married. Good luck =)
So, he is good for you, he is good for the kids, you have a healthy relationship. Yes, I see why you as a woman want to start trouble. You’re bored, of course…
Marriage is a piece of paper. But if it’s some thing you really want maybe talk to him about a prenup to make him feel more secure.
Do a prenuptial agreement
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Well he’s selfish. You better move on without him.
He’s probably secretly still dating Becuz you two “not married” 
It’s only a piece of paper that can really complicate things …if it ain’t broke don’t fix it …and if you don’t like it leave
Then just agree to sign a prenup?
Sounds like he is already planning for your split. Yikes.
If you want to throw away a good relationship over an overpriced piece of paper go right ahead dumbass
What’s the obsession with being married I never understood it?
The risk vs reward for men is not in men’s favor, everything is great now why jeopardize it over a piece of paper
I married once at 21 & would never do it again & stayed with my husband until he passed away.
Find someone worthy of you
He doesn’t want to share anything with you. It’s crystal clear, run.
You don’t have to get marrried
Why do you need a piece of paper to claim your love for each other?
“End up with half his house or half his paycheck” sounds to me like he isn’t fully committed to you. If that’s what comes to his mind when marriage is brought up, that’s sad and im sorry. 
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If you’re happy and love it each, that piece of paper isn’t going to change anything.
hes worried about you getting half his stuff in a divorce because he doesnt see it working out…i do find it crazy people are scared of the commitment of marriage but will have a kid with them like thats not a commitment lol
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If marriage is important to YOU and not him… find someone else … don’t let your child be the reason you stay especially if it’s something you really want
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Some women on here…
“He’s looking elsewhere”
“He’s only treating you so you forget about marriage”
“He’s gaslighting you”
Unbelievable. It’s disgraceful advice. Two plus two equals 17 with that mentality.
You’re all very quick to use the “he doesn’t respect you” and “he’s gaslighting you” comments, but it’s clearly never occurred to you that some men are actually genuine and WANT to spoil their missus without any motive to do so, other than actually loving them. Absolute atrocious to be tarring men (or anyone) like that. He’s told OP he doesn’t want to get married, so for me the OP should be making one of two decisions; either leave him and explain you want marriage for this relationship to go past what it already is (this option is not fair on the child or the partner in my opinion, for me that’s somewhat selfish behaviour - it’s the same reasoning and logic as calling him selfish because he doesn’t want to get married), or stay with him and make it work without marriage (which, in all honesty, it seems it’s working just perfectly, anyway). Marriage may come later down the line. It’s no different to the wait on children, or buying a house.
Some people see marriage differently. And both of these two have that clash, which is natural in a lot of relationships. It’s down to them to work that out and talk about it in a mature way that keeps both ‘content’ with what they’ve got for the time being.
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My dad always said all that matters is the commitment. If he is right for you in every other way marriage doesn’t seem too important IMO. Eventually debts won’t be an excuse. You’ve already put in 4 years and if you love him, why would you leave? He just may need more time. Guys think of all the financial and physical aspects of marriage, not just the love.
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It’s 2021? Why do you need to get married? It’s just a piece of paper. It doesn’t prove he loves you more or anything. You should base your happiness on how he treats you, but if this is something that is that important to you, you have to make a decision to accept where’s he’s coming from or leave. But in my opinion, marriage doesn’t mean anything and is an older idea and construct.
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If marriage is important to you, I’d definitely leave. If I were in your shoes, I’d feel betrayed spending 4 years with someone who KNOWS I want to marry and decides they don’t want to marry me. I think people who have the whole “you’re gonna take half my stuff when we divorce” mindset are childish and negative. He does NOT want to get married to YOU. A man typically knows within the first 6 months to 2 years if he wants to marry you. He doesn’t need 4 years to figure it out.
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He says he is open minded, but yet you have a child together and he has yet to propose and define the relationship other than 'I don’t want to be married with x,y,z reasons. No, after 4 years, there should have been an agreement or understanding on if marriage was in the future or not. He seems to be gifting you items and ‘spoiling’ you so you will forget about marriage. Meaning ‘why have cake and eat it too’ type situation. Or he is secretly seeing someone and is covering it up bc he works all the time and just buys you gifts. Seems very fishy and strange that he KNOWS you are upset and still puts off the conversation and idea of marriage after 4 years.
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It’s just a piece of paper.
There’s always two options ; deal with it or don’t deal with it.
It’s only a bit of paper for goodness sake
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Spoiling you with necessities? That’s not spoiling.
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free😳…send all comments & complaints to my email
You don’t spoil someone with necessities
You could get a pre-nup .
He’s a smart man. 
Unless you have a career that matches or exceeds mine, I’m now marrying you. It’s that simple. Women usually win when it comes to this sort of thing too. The odds are against men in the event of divorce. I don’t advise it. It’s irrelevant. Common law kicks in eventually anyways.
Get out while you can
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I was with a guy and I felt things weren’t moving in the direction I wanted. I wanted to feel more involved in his life and him in mine. I wanted our kids to know we were dating. I wanted our kids to meet each other. Eventually I wanted to co-habitate. He told me that was something he couldn’t do. So I ended it. Within a month I heard how he had introduced his kids to his new girlfriend. I accepted he wanted me for sex at the time but I wasn’t what he wanted in his life for his children. He was with his new girlfriend for less than six months. He is single and messages me again. Am I giving him the honey? No. I’ve been celibate since I ended things with him. I am waiting for someone who deserves me. If he never shows up, so be it. I can’t continue in life feeling like I’m only good for sex and not valued as human.
It hurt. Not going to lie. But I know I love myself more for saying goodbye to him. I set the boundaries and said I wasn’t going to be used for sex any more.
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Time to say goodbye!
It’s just a title 
If you’re happy together, why do you need a piece of paper?
Babe!!! This piece of paper will make me feel so much better!!! Lol
Better find a job before you dip
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
Let it be, just paper
Accept it or move on.
Well I would start my own savings account today!
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This partnership is not equal.
A lack of balance in the equality department means that one partner is an inferior position - no matter HOW many ‘treats’ the dominant partner gets a kick from handing out.
He/she who controls the money (including property and investments, etc.) controls the relationship.
Another thing is - consciously or not - he is devaluing and demeaning the VERY REAL amount of work and time and skill you are investing into being a SAHM - and the actual toll it will take on your future ability to earn wages, therefore assuring yourself of a financially stable future that is not dependent on him.
It is another means of controlling you.
He is unwilling to face the legal requirements of having you as a married partner - though he seems okay with having you as a caretaker of children, a bearer of children, a housekeeper/cook, and a convenient sex provider.
He is using you for his needs - without serious consideration of your own.
His explanation is that he fears it will COST HIM MONEY.
Your need is to decide if this is okay with you - because it sounds as if it is not.
Nor should it be.
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Don’t need a piece of paper to say I love you
I’d just be happy to have a day collar.
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I know you’ve heard the same why buy the cow when the milk is free
Depending on where you live
Common Law
Alimony
Child Support
Pick your poison…
There is a song that says “cheaper to keep her”
Make sure you are putting your money away for you and your kids!