Leave and respect yourself because he sure doesn’t
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Think the issue is less about the sleeping with a friend at the moment and much more about the lying.
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Sometimes it is just not worth all of the heartache…you will most likely “ never get over it”…what a horrendous thing to say to your partner…walk away.
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Leave him. This is clearly unforgivable and unforgettable to you. . and rightfully so.
For your sake, you gotta leave.
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I read a book where the main character’s best friend and husband had kept a secret from her so she left them both. Later in the book she said “How do I handle the betrayal of my husband without my best friend? How do I handle the betrayal of my best friend without my husband?”
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Be glad you aren’t married to him. Cut your losses and get rid of him. Better now than later. In 6 months, you’ll look back and be so happy you left him. Life is too short and there is someone that will come along and replace him.
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That trust cannot be replaced. It even sometimes flows into your next relationship. My husband and I have been together for 8 years (5 dating and 3 married) and I still have trust issues sometimes because of an ex boyfriend that cheated on me.
Judging by the way he seems to talk to you (so a very quick, possibly inaccurate judgment), he is manipulative, narcissistic, and slightly abusive. I suggest dumping him and then taking some time (possibly therapy) before getting into a new relationship.
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My “best friend” slept with my uncle. Thats not something you can just get over it. I’d leave
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Well I hate she passed away but true friends wouldn’t sleep with someone you were with and trying to work things out with. So I think you may feel bad bc she passed but if she were still here u prob wouldn’t be feeling bad about it. I know I wouldn’t be able to get over it. And I think you already know you can’t but just needing opinions to confirm what you already think you should do. Move on life is too short to waste your time with someone that could do that with your supposed friend!
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How do you know she was telling the truth? She might not have been.
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Honestly his actions show his true self. Is that really someone you want to love and waste time with. Life is short find somebody else.
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You need to love, value and respect your self more than him!!
It should always be equal until your given reasons to feel differently, obviously their were issues to begin with, then he didn’t think enough to not be intimate with someone when he knew it was a possibility of recovering the relationship, then lie, and now not allow you to talk about your feelings…He needs to go with the morning trash, never to see or speak of again, get into some counseling and start taking care of you!!
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I wish people who said “it takes a toll on my mental health” or “I don’t think I can forgive him” would realize that’s the answer already.
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It will be easier to get over him than get over that
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I went through something similar. Get out now. I ended up marrying him and it caused problems. He ended up cheating and leaving me when I was 5 months pregnant. Get out while you can.
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Well I’m not sorry to be blunt when I say she was not your best friend. Best friends don’t mess with your man or your exes. Nope. I’m sorry she died & for your own peace I can understand forgiving. Him? I wouldn’t even waste my energy fixing that relationship. Honestly? Just let all that drama go & free yourself.
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You’re not ruining it for feeling that way. HE ruined it the moment he laid down with someone you were close to. Let it go. Don’t fear starting over.
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Nope, you will Never get over it. Dump him immediately. You will never forgive her either. Save yourself the years of hurt and humiliation
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I’m sorry… but I’d leave him… he obviously doesn’t really care about you or your feelings. Especially since he lied and now telling you to “get over it” when it’s literally haunting you… if he cared he would t have slept with her, or at least he would try to talk it out with you to help you with what your feeling…
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If you get rid of them both, yes. Walked in on my bf and best friend. Let both go, went on with life.
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What are you afraid of? Being alone? Fear of being alone holds so many back from making the right decision. Don’t let the fear get in the way of common sense. Start working on your self worth so you can see that you don’t need to settle for a big pile of lying stinking 
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You will never trust him 100 percent and that will forever haunt the relationship… move on…
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You will never get over it & you will never be able to move past this. I am telling you though. If he does this once he will do it again. He will never stop. That’s not love & he does not care about your feelings. He will continue to hurt you. I know how hard this is because I go thru it too.
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I would leave… ive been in a similar spot and if you haven’t gotten over it by now you never will. Left my daughters father cause I couldn’t get over it. It just ate away at me. I found someone now I don’t have to ever question and finally am truly happy. 
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This is going to be blunt, but this is how I feel about these types of things: when you found out and chose to continue the relationship, you’ve essentially forgiven what has been done. You don’t get to have it both ways. You forgive/forget/do whatever it is you need to do to move past it, or you don’t continue the relationship. That’s it.
If you continue a relationship on a foundation of distrust, resentment, or any ill feelings, it’s bound to be unhealthy and/or fail.
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It was too easy for him to jump in bed with another female immediately after yall splitting.
It was too easy for him to NOT care enough about your feelings that the female he slept with was your friend.
It was too easy for him to lie to you about it when yall decided to work things out.
It’s too easy for him now to brush your feelings off about it when you try to talk to him.
Get rid of him.
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The relationship was ruined when he slept with your best friend. Why would you even stay in the relationship when you found out about her. If he lied to you about that to your face, ain’t no telling what else he lied about or done. Save yourself the stress and leave him alone. You broke up for a reason
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I never rly got over it but it took a long time for me to stop thinking about it constantly. It’s better now but it still hurts. I don’t rly talk to my friend much any more. And she was like one of my BEST FUCKING FRIENDS. So it just sucks but I’m still with him and he’s a lot different now. We had to go through a lot of up and downs but I wouldn’t change it now because we’re the closest weve ever been
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I think you know the answer. I couldn’t get past a BF no matter how hard I tried. I would be done. I would be angry at both but you can’t get it out with her because she’s gone. He knows he messed up and is shifting the blame and your focus by trying to blame you for having a problem with it. That’s what cheaters do. They blame and try to make you feel like you’re wrong.
I think you have to figure out where you go from here but if he can’t even own up to his behavior the relationship isn’t going to go far.
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He is turning it back on to you. He is not worth it. You may end up forgiving but you’ll never forget. Don’t waste your life on him. You deserve better. Know your worth, look after your mental health and move on. Big hugs x
Losing HIS sh*t?
Look I’m sorry to hear she passed away.
Facts are facts a REAL friend would never sleep with a guy you like or were with.
My BFF from high school slept with my man too and I never got over it… we split and never spoke again. Friend and guy.
If your not happy dump him and move on. Find someone who doesn’t use you like that. Really… you will feel better without him and that dark shadow looming over you. Lies, deceit, and regret… my mom used to tell me if he did it once he’ll do it again. Don’t want that in your life.
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Girl, I get it. My best friend of 16 years slept with my husband ON OUR wedding night. I lost 2 of my most loved people in 24hrs. And, it broke me. I left him. And, left her also. It broke me! But, now I have an amazing man who wouldn’t dream of making a move like that. And, a beautiful 1 yr old daughter because of it.
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Are you worth more than your relationship? Yes? Then dump his lying ass and love your self girl. A person is worthless without their honest word.
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Can’t really be mad that he slept with her if you were broken up but definitely be mad that he lied.
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You should end it with him cuz shes passed away also ur going to be thinking about it all the time absolutely no trust no point in the relationship
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You deserve to be with someone who’s actually worthy of your love mama run while you still can! He is definitely not worth it and can’t even hold himself accountable or give you basic respect when he’s the one who messed up
If you don’t have trust there is no point even trying… he broke that and sorry so did your friend… I am very sorry to hear that she is passed away but you were betrayed by the two people you trusted the most and that’s bound to effect you in a big way x
She wasn’t you BEST friend if she would sleep with him! Kick his butt out the door, cause a tiger never looses its spots and neither will he. If you stay with him. you will keep going thru the same thing over and over. Take some pride in yourself!! You deserve better
Also about your buddy. She wasn’t a true friend. Her time of being good to you has passed. Remember her briefly for the good times, but acknowledge that she did this against you as well. Have peace knowing that just because she died doesn’t mean she deserves a medal. She was a failing friend and she died. Look for better friends in the future.
I’ve been through the exact same thing. Best thing is to let him go, because he will eventually do it again. And better yourself for you! Take care of YOUR mental health💕 he’s not going to, you need to.
Cut ties with him.
It’s never going to be the same and it’s sad you don’t get to have your closure with the friend(who was an awful friend too for sleeping with your boyfriend) but I think moving on from him is the healing you need.
Your relationship was ruined before it started again and that was a choice HE made when he lied.
It’s not on you.
A relationship should be a safe place where you can talk about anything and be comfortable - if you can’t do that, it’s only going to get worse for you. Don’t settle. I know you love him but guys like that aren’t worth it. I promise there is better out there for you 
Nope trust is so important for a relationship and he broke that. You deserve better and you can’t count on someone changing. If he did it once there’s a good chance he will do it again. And even if he doesn’t, he broke your trust and your heart and that’s not something that is easy to come back from.
Sorry she passed away, but he is the one who got back with you not her, he is still alive… so you need to get rid of him. He lied to your face, he will do it again
When the trust is gone, as yours seems to be, it’s rarely fixable 
, LOYALTY is the one thing that’s most cherished and hardest to find, but if you ever feel it, keep it, for now, move on, you deserve better than this!!! This comes from my own life’s experience’s, hope it helps:broken_heart:
Lewaaaaaaaaaaave girl please that is awful and you do not need to out yourself through that torture. Everything your feeling is your brain trying to warn you that this is not the guy for you! Someone who had even a modicum of respect or love for you would never have done that
You won’t ever get over it. Nor do you have to. I think you should move on. You deserve a fresh start, in a trusting, respectful relationship. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
If you’re not going to be able to get over it then don’t be with him. It’ll ruin the relationship in the long run.
While I’m sorry for your loss, the best thing for you would be to leave. Friends should always be off limits, no matter what the circumstances are. There has to at least be that level of respect or that isn’t a healthy relationship to begin with.
I’m so sorry. Unfortunately I think you ask because you know in your heart it’s a hard pass but you’re looking for hope. Only you know what you’re willing to put up.
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He will always cheat you need to leave and move on with someone who respects you
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Sounds like you know what to do you just are afraid to. I don’t know you but I’m sure you are worth being treated better than this. Be strong. Move on. You’re worth it.
Dump him pronto or you will be in for a world of heartache for the rest of your life if you don’t. Yeah it hurts but time heals all wounds if you let it. All of us here have been through similar things one way or another.
Your relationship was over when he slept with your friend. If he did it once he will do it again, which is why he gets so mad about it. Best just to be over it.
If it’s been a year and you are still having problems handling it I suggest seeing a counsellor if you want to stay with him…personally I think it’s pretty low of him to sleep with her then come to you…tacky… He thinks you should get over it because he doesn’t want to keep talking about it …this happened to a friend of mine they discussed it and never talked about it again…she forgave but never ever forgot it
This happened to me when I was 19 and I’m now 36 and happily engaged, many relationships in between. And when I think about it, it still hurts. My best friend of 8+ years at the time and my high school sweetheart - they crushed me. (Similarly he and I were on a break as is common with young kids that go away to college separately, but we had found ourselves back on track the summer after our first year of college.) I have never been more heartbroken to this day. I don’t hate either of them now and I’ve even had some fun times with them since (they’re not together or anything)…. But it will never be what it was. I don’t know if people can fully heal from that.
Just use him as a toy, don’t get serious with him, go on with your life don’t be so available to him, only when you want to see him. Believe me, he will want you, don’t be easy. Tell, him no problem, do what you want, and never trust him. Because once a cheater always a cheater, just use him.
Girl… he ruined your relationship when he cheated. Not you. Nor do you have to get over anything. The girl was clearly not your best friend if she slept with your man. I’d advise you get out of this situationship and start healing yourself. You deserve better and need to realize that. Plus… if he hasn’t already, it’s only a matter of time before he cheats again. He’ll continue for as long as you allow it, unfortunately.
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um I’m sure I dont have to say it but girl that’s not your friend she has no respect for you and neither does he let them have each other leave him and find better if it happens once it will happen again for sure don’t set your self up for that
Sounds like you need to just get over him too 
that was a whole year ago and you’re still stuck on it because the only person that can give you closure is a dimwit. If he cared about you at all this would have been dealt with a year ago. “Stfu and get over it” should tell you exactly how much he cares about you.
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You’re allowing the crappy behavior of others to have control over your mind and emotions. That getting angry to silence you is emotional abuse. Your reality is valid and he’s trying to gaslight you into suppressing and denying it.
Your boyfriend lied to you.
Your boyfriend cheated on you by lying about his intent of working it out.
Your friend betrayed you too.
You need counseling for codependency and to learn to set healthy boundaries because having healthy boundaries means you value yourself and would have immediately dumped both of them before she died. You’re likely dating a narcissist and they never change.
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To be honest ! First off If that was your “best friend” she would of never slept with him and betrayed your trust.
Second if he knew he was coming back the next day after work and intentionally slept with someone (best friend or not) he obviously had no hard feelings and wouldn’t even doubt he’s done it before especially it he kept it from u. Once the trust is broken I feel like everything just falls apart. My advise leave , you will always feel insecure and have thoughts in your head about it. Start fresh girl life is to short . Someone will come and treat you like the queen you are! Keep your head up.
Relationship … you have no relationship… he crossed the lines, be thankful you found out before kids
You’ll never get over it tbh. My man cheated on me 5 years ago and I haven’t let it go. I still question if he’s cheating from time to time. You loose that trust. If your not married and don’t have kids, try to look elsewhere cause it’s a lot of heartache if you don’t leave
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I’m sorry that happened. And I’m sorry to hear of her passing. You stayed after you found out, which means you put it in the past, so I understand your bf not wanting to talk about it, no one likes their past thrown in their face. If it is messing with you so much, and you’re finding yourself not trusting him, then it’s time to walk away and move on. Personally, I couldn’t forgive that. I would’ve ended it for good as soon as I found out.
You don’t need him in your life. If he gets upset that you’re upset he’s probably still doing something behind your back. Start over, and love yourself first!!!
If he’s losing his shit and not capable of having a real conversation…its not a good sign. Obviously it’s bothering you. He should be working on resolving it not shutting you up
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You can’t ask other people how you should feel about a situation. We all handle and accept different things in different ways. No one can tell you if you are over reacting to a situation or not. Only YOU can feel for YOU!
He’s a snake, who will also put himself first.
I sure wouldn’t want a role model like that for my son, or that to be the kind of man my daughter seeks, even if I had no self respect. 
Sometimes to “get over it” you have to remove the people that hurt you from your life. Grow with yourself for yourself instead of shaping to someone elses image when they don’t even care for you the way you care for them if they were willing to do that to you.
Honey he ruined your relationship and sge ruined your friendship when they lied. Neither cares very much about you. Im sorry. I too lost someobe who hurt me very badly. It makes mourning them tough.
Why are people laughing at this it’s not funny it’s sad. I’m sorry you’re going through this girl, but you are probably better off leaving him. I don’t think it’s something you will ever really get over.
Sorry but you need to move on I don’t think his attitude ‘let it go’ or how your feeling about his lies are helping. You can’t clearly let it go but you can him. Then you will be able to deal with your feeling better I’m sure. X
She’s gone and that might help some. But once a wanderer, will do it again. You never said he pleaded his heart out to you.
I know exactly how you feel. You just don’t “get over” that stuff. Nobody does. It still plays in your head as long as you are still with that person. I was cheated on a few months ago and took him back we have a two year old together and I thought I would be able to move past it but I haven’t been able too and I can’t even look at him the same way anymore and don’t feel the same way about him anymore. Too much hurt and pain. If you truly love someone you don’t get with someone else.
Move On Ma!!! Its alot better for your health. Men come and go but your health doesn’t.
So I have a similar story (minus the death) and in that sense I feel it can be worked through. We’ve now actually split, but the friend is still a friend almost 13 years on.
What I’m ‘reading between the lines’, and I may be well off course, but I feel your lack of ability to ‘get over it’ is due to your friends death, and lack of closure - ie maybe a full account of her side of the story/apology etc… and his behaviour either may be guilt of being caught out lying/inability to cope with your mental health/his own grief of your friends death.
One thing to always keep in mind is that once an incident has happened, nothing can go back to ‘as it was before’, but you do have the choice to forgive/bury (I’ll never say forget because that stuff sticks) and move on to whatever new beginning/ending the future may hold. But you also need to make a conscious decision to let go (or find a way to cope with) your feelings about that particular situation
Leave that energy all together and move on, but without him and the energy he’s carrying with him into your life.
How did she die though? And no time can heal this level of trust! He threw it all in the bin the second he put it in your friend, coming over the same day🥺 I hope he showered atleast, but I’d be done!
To be honest I think ur better walking away if they do it once the will do it again and if no trust in a relationship it will never work
You’ll never get over it. Now you know what they were both capable of. That’s information you shouldn’t get over… It’s a lesson. The real question is can you get past it. Forgive it. Move forward.
You are the only one who knows the answer to that question.
Personally, I’ve moved past similar realizations about what folks that love me are capable of. After two years of separation, though… We both had to grow some more before we recommitted to even a friendship. He’s my best friend, though… She wasn’t though I love her too. Still. It’s possible. Still, Do what feels right for you. Just know that you will not get over it. Like a scar, it’s there forever regardless if the relationship hangs on.
Trust your gut. No matter what anyone on here says you’re still gonna do what u want. My guess is that most people will say leave. Start fresh with someone who doesn’t make u feel this way.
Maybe take your own space. Away from him. You need to heal from his cheating and her passing away. Your mental health is very important.
Kick his butt to the curb! Grieve for your friend afterwards. He isn’t worth it.
Idk why you would stay to me that’s insane if he cared about you he wouldn’t have done it for 1 and for 2 then he lied to you even after you knew the truth so that’s a f*ck boy not boyfriend/husband material
You need to get out of that relationship in a hurry. He’s mad at you that he messed around with your best friend, lied to you about it, and now he doesn’t like how you feel about it? Not healthy.
If he is telling you to get over it, for me, it would be over. That does not say to me that he is sorry and values you.
For your own mental well being break up with him. He isn’t remorseful or he’d apologize (and not get angry).
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I walked in on my ex husband cheating on me an I tried to forgive it for about a year. That same feeling never resided an I eventually kicked him out. There is someone better for you who respects you where you don’t have to dig deep in your heart to forgive. You are worth more than ur crediting yourself!
I guess my question would be “ why do you value yourself so little?” Dr. Phil has a saying “ you teach people how to treat you” and that is really true!
Get out now! Run! He’s losing his shit? Girl he should be on his knees begging. Please. Dump him. I went through this. Please JUST RUN THE OTHER DIRECTION AND DON’T LOOK BACK!
It’s just as much the best friends fault as it is his. Maybe ask him why her? That may give you the answers you need. Show him the screenshots to let him know you know. If he can’t admit he fucked up then your at no loss there Hun 
some people just aren’t worth your time!!
I’m kind of surprised certain questions need to be asked. You seem to be explaining why this guy is no good. We believe you! We agree! You are right. Move on. It’s ok to let him go.
You’ll never get over it
If you want to be with him you’re going to have to learn to cope with what happened. When you get triggers and memories about it, you’ll need to learn coping mechanisms.
If he can’t talk about it with you calmly what kind of future do you have together? Say goodbye and move on.
From what you just explained about how he is acting and the way he is treating you, you should already know the answer is leaving him. You deserve better
He’s shown you in so many different ways that he doesn’t actually love you, he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t care about your feelings, and he thinks you’re fucking stupid as well as easily to manipulate and control. Are you going to prove him right, or are you going to prove him wrong?
Maybe I’m looking at it wrong but could there possibly some unresolved feelings about her on both sides, for you, as a friend without the boyfriend involved and then she as a friend with what she did with the boyfriend, and for the boyfriend, who knows what kind of feelings but could be an array of them, mixed, wishing he did something different, blaming himself for her death (depending on what happened obviously), etc… is there a possibility that a big part of this is emotions running SO high with her having passed away? You didn’t get closure with her, you didn’t get to ask questions you needed to, if more questions arose, you didn’t get to ask them, she didn’t get a chance to try to rebuild the friendship. Etc.
Do you feel guilty that you’re mad and upset at someone who passed? Did you say something more harshly than intended when this was all going on?
Sorry my answer is kind of long, but it sounds like this may be running deeper than just the boyfriend sucks and it sounds like your chapter with him has to end here. So much unresolved and emotions and tensions running too high with no real way to settle.
You forgive him right now and never bring it up again… or you leave. You’ll never move forward any other way.
The truth is she was not your best friend. I’m sorry she’s passed on and that you weren’t able to get closure with that. As far as he goes it’s not just severe that he slept with someone you thought was your friend it’s the fact that he lied to you about it on top of that. The trust is broken. If you are still so hurt you can’t even vocalize it let alone move past it then you have your answer- move on. Find someone who would NEVER betray your trust because that can cause damage to a relationship beyond repair.