Am I out of line being upset? I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years known him for 10+ years. I have two kids from a previous relationship, and their father, while was a shitty dad when we were together, has turned into a pretty good dad since we split. My son recently started showing signs of puberty. I brought it up to my bf in passing. He did live with us and said, “ok; I’ll talk to him,” meaning my son. I asked him not to because I don’t wanna start a fight with his dad. He goes, “I don’t care,” then has a brief talk about deodorant with my son. I’m very upset because I don’t feel like it’s his place, and I’m being told if my bf is gonna be involved, he is 100% involved and just because my ex wants to be a dad now doesn’t mean he gets to be. Am I wrong in being upset? TIA
Uhhhh. He talked to him about deodorant?
You need to chill tf out.
I think maybe a little bit.
You’ve been with him for 2 years, I’m assuming living together at this point? I don’t see why it would be a big deal to bring up deodorant. He wants to help and be involved with your kid.
There isn’t anything wrong with telling someone they need to wear deodorant. Most kids don’t even know they smell lol. I wouldn’t be upset
I don’t think you’re wrong for being upset. Especially because he went against your wishes and should have respected you asking him not to … but if it was just a deodorant talk and no more than yeah you’re kinda overreacting
He talked just about deodorant? Yeah you overreacting.
If you don’t let him be a parent in your shared household what are you even doing with him? I think you’re out of line. Denying him the right to be a father just because you don’t want to fight with the ex. Try standing together instead.
Deodorant? Ya your over reacting a bit… be grateful he talks to your kid
to me a talk about deodorant isn’t exactly the same as a talk about puberty. especially if it was a brief one… like “hey dude, you’re getting older and you’re sweating more than before, here’s a stick of deodorant”?
People are entirely too rude on here. (Hence above comments) YOUR CHILD, your choice. Tell him how you feel and enforce it
Dude if your kid needs deodorant wouldn’t you rather have him be taught about it instead of going to school and getting picked on for stinking
I’m going to say you would be wrong for being upset about a conversation about deodorant it’s not like he said something about sex or anything else that should be discussed with his own father🤷🏻♀️ imo you should be happy he wants to be involved with another mans kids
He didn’t go more in depth then deodorant? Then yeah you’re overreacting just a tad bit.
Yeah, I think you may be over thinking it. Question is do you want your man to be fully involved or not.
Two years and he can’t help you parent? Ridiculous
If you want him to help you parent you cant really pick and choose, to me it’s all or nothing ( I have a step daughter )
Over freaking deodorant??? Yea u really need to step back on that one🤦🤦
He talked to your son about deodorant? And you’re mad? Wow. Yeah, definitely overreacting.
Um wow…deoderant? And he will get into trouble?
This sounds like a scary dictatorship. I hope you punished him for daring assist parenting your son. 2 years and he should know better…back in your box mate.
Talk to dad and have him discuss it with son. Everything and anything.
There is going to need to be many many talks about boys and deodorant. You are allowed to feel upset but have biodad sit down with your son and have “The Talk”.
Overly sensitive. deodorant…really?
There is nothing wrong with your bf helping with your kids and giving them the talk. He is as much involved as you and their bio dad. If you don’t want him to help then you shouldn’t date. He is there for you and your kids so accept it. Stop being petty
Wow your poor bf…
You’re mad over deodorant??? You shouldn’t be mad, but I agree if he’s going to be involved then he is a male figure in his life it’s ok to tell him to wear deodorant
Talking with your son about deodorant is a non-issue. To me that’s not a conversation about puberty, that’s a conversation about self-care which isn’t inappropriate. If he was talking to your son about the changes happening to his body that come with puberty (other than sweating) then that might be crossing a line.
With that being said, clear boundaries need to be established between you, your bf, and your sons father so that you’re ALL on the same page regarding what your roles are in your son’s life.
Its not like he gave him a condom and banana. Seriously its deodorant. I’ve had to talk to employees about that before, sure hope their mom didnt get mad
The whole thing for me is he did what you asked him not to. I wouldn’t be upset cause he told him about deodorant. I’d be upset wondering what else he’ll talk to him about. If he didn’t adopt him then he doesn’t get to say whether his bio dad has any rights or not! That’s up to you and your sons father
While i understand not wanting to argue with the ex, and not wanting him to overstep his boundaries, but if the boy is showing signs of needing deodorant, he needed to hear it. I’ve seen boys get made fun of for that and maybe he was trying to prevent that as well. Talk to him, but this isn’t a puberty talk really, more of a you need to start wearing this. I had it with my brother and sister for my mom honestly.
I would be upset that he knew how you felt about it and chose to still have a conversation with your son but with that being said he did not explain sex he was just explaining he needed to wear deodorant. I would also consider the fact that your son might be more comfortable talking to your boyfriend then he is to you or his father about all of it. Puberity is embarrassing. At the end of the day I think I would be happy that my son was comfortable talking to somebody about it versus learning about puberty from their friends.
He talked to him about deodorant… not having sex, condoms ect… lmao…
If your kid needs deodorant then yeah your wack…you should of told him your damn self. If he started talking about masturbation or how babies are made i could see you feeling the way you do…but it appears this is just about body oder and hes gotta live with your funky ass kid too. Shit i tell my boys now about about deodorant and body sprays…they are 9 and 6 and dont smell like men yet but when they do you better believe im throwing a stick of deodorant at em n telling em about themselves lol
So I’m just trying to see if I read this right, your upset he talked to him briefly about deodorant? Wow. I think your completely overreacting in all honesty. He didn’t talk about sex or go into detail about puberty. He’s been with you for 2 plus years, the child lives with you, and he can’t talk to him about deodorant??
You have a boyfriend who cares, keep him close !
When you ask a man to be a part of your life and your children’s life. You can’t expect him to be a parent in some ways and not others. Although it’s good to be on the same page. Talking to a child about deodorant is not something to get upset about. Having a boy hear it from a man is actually a good thing. And unless it has to do with a disagreeance in discipline or something like that I wouldn’t get on your boyfriend’s case about it. At the end of the day wouldn’t you want him to feel included and to feel like a father figure to your children? because it would be hard for him to feel like that if you are suggesting that your children hear certain things from their biological father instead of your boyfriend who also lives with them.
Deodorant? 🤦 No. Hell if I smelled ur son I would be having the talk with him😂 I do not think hes wrong. At all. If he is the man in ur LIFE and u trust him around ur kids u should be able to trust his judgment as well. A step dad doesnt take the place of the existing dad. He is simply DAD when the real one ISNT around. If youre comfortable with him helping raise ur kids then u have to give him SOME lead way with parenting and decision making. It is prob pretty tough on him knowing those kids aren’t his. And hes still trying to participate in parenting duties. A talk about deodorant is so petty. Stop arguing with that man and take ur son shopping🤷
He didnt have the puberty talk, he told the kid to wear deodorant. Big difference.
You need to calm down ma’am. It’s deodorant, not like he had “the talk” with him.
Why wait period. You can talk to your son as well.
Well if you plan on being with this man for the rest of your life then he’s going to be stepdad to your son therefore why wouldnt he have that conversation with him?
You can’t ask him to be in a relationship with you and not be a father to your child. If the biological father is immature enough that he cant handle another man being there for his child that’s his personal issue.
I would say what he did is perfect. Just a little bit of info to get him thinking about, he didn’t cross any lines.
It’s… it’s deodorant…
So let me get this straight… spoke of hygiene, and that upsets you???
A brief conversation about deodorant made you mad?! That’s not the puberty talk lol. No reason to be mad at all
Honestly it seems like you’re over reacting. It was about deodorant not about everything else that come with puberty.
He talked to him about deodorant…it’s not that serious at all!! I could see if he went all out and had “the talk” with him…but it’s deodorant!!! You’re being very overly sensitive…not to mention if your boyfriend is living with you and playing dad while the kids are with you guys, he should be able to have just about any conversation he wants with the kids. I mean, maybe his b.o. was bad and your boyfriend thought he needed to know. I’m sure you’d much rather your boyfriend tell him about deodorant than for kids to be making fun of him because he smells. Seriously, you need to get over this one.
You are sooo wrong!!
Did his simple talk hurt your son. NO
But apparently you are being very petty and selfish.
Either he is 100 percent with you and your children or
100 percent out.
Yea be mad that was for his dad
At least your son knows he has somewhere and someone to talk to about things if his dad not available at times!
What’s the point having a bf if he’s not there to support you all? Have you not allowed him to do anything else in the time you’ve been with him plus I’m guessing he has known your kids a long time aswell so not just a stranger walking in to there lifes
Maybe your son feels more comfortable talking to your boyfriend than his dad. It’s not about you or your ex or your boyfriend. It’s about doing what’s best for your son.
It was a conversation about deodorant. It’s not like he handed your kid a pack of condoms and said have at it.
Yes you’re in the wrong. You can’t expect your boyfriend to be there but only for what you think is Okay. The more love and guidance a child has is a BLESSING in todays world!
I think some talks, deodorant,.tooth brushing etc arent really puberty and could come from any male role model. I would be proud to have to involved men to be positive role models to my kid
Yes you’re in the wrong I have 4 boys and 1 girl and if he’s already needing the talk about deodorant you need to get dad on the ball about having the puberty talk asap otherwise you need to get to it my boys actually feel more comfortable coming to me and my boyfriend about stuff then they do their dads that have been in and out
let him be a father. He’s There for your son no?
He’s trying. That’s all that matters
Over deodorant my bf takes my 12 year old daughter shopping for deodorant. We live together he has parenting rights also if not then kids will just walk all over the other adult. It’s not like he sat down and told him details about sex and even so at least he will learn it from an adult and not kids at school
limits are important. Your bf needs to respect your limits, and the limits you are putting with your son. Its also important to know why you are putting those limits. Are you positive that this is one you want to put? Do you trust your bf to respectfully talk to your son about puberty? Which will soon involve sexual education, consent, and safe sex ( which is much more important than deodorant)
Yes, you’re in the wrong
Sorry but I think you wrong.
What the hell…Your son is going through something he doesn’t understand and you’re mad that the main father figure in his life is there to help guide him. About deodorant of all things??? If you had a problem with it then you should have stepped up as a mother.
Did he just talk to him about hygiene and deodorant? If so I don’t think that’s crossing lines. Also a lot of 5th grade curriculums include puberty. I don’t know how old your kid is and if that was part of it at all.
Your tripping over nothing just deodorant not like he had the b&b talk
He talked to him about deodorant? And you’re upset about it???
How do You ask someone to be in your childrens lives then set boundaries on things like deodorant ? Lol. If your child’s father has stepped up you should have a clear line of communication with him where you made a call to tell him about your son and, how he wants to handle it, including your boyfriends role.
Give your bf a break… He’s accepting your kids as his own and, talking to them about things alot of “boyfriends” would say isnt their problem. Appreciate what you have.
It was a talk about deodorant? Yes? That was in no way inappropriate. Honestly he probably did your kid a favor. (Better your boyfriend than a kid at school)
He left the more sensitive stuff for your or biodad to discuss but addressed the most obvious and pressing concern.
Yes you are being out of line. You should appreciate your bf for wanting to take the time to talk to your son. There is so much about puberty his father will have enough to teach him about. What’s wrong with your bf bonding with your child also?!
You are upset over a discussion on hygiene ?
I really wouldn’t call talking about deodorant a puberty talk. Would you rather him not be using deodorant and get made fun of because he stinks? Also, why would you not want your boyfriend, who I assume you trust, not be active as a mentoring role for your son. There are some topics that might be more comfortable for him to have with your boyfriend than you, and you wouldn’t always be able to be sure dad is available when needed. If the issue is the father, that guy has issues if this would be a problem for him, why would you let him be the voice of reason?
If it was just deodorant no…I mean would you rather him be stinky?
Dont be upset. Be happy that he took the lead where many. Would have. Cowered He sounds like a good father. Even step.
You are wrong, if your gonna have him ENVOLVED then he needs to be 100 if not then he shouldn’t be living with you.
Omg u have issues , also you should have had a talk with your son and wow omg he told him to wear deodorant that u should have bought and gave to him yourself, if this is your worst problem you are lucky . You sound like an idiot and if the bio dad gets mad about a deodorant talk he is an idiot as well
I can’t imagine someone being pissed over a deodorant talk. My first deodorant talk was with my friend’s mom.
Deodorant!! Its okay momma let him help!! He’s a man trying to be there for your son that’s awesome np with dad still having a convo. Be greatful he has two men in his life to help
Petty Betty, the talk was only about deodorant…Geeeez
Talking to him about deodorant isn’t having “the talk” with him. I do appreciate that you are being so considerate of his father though, so good for you. But this isn’t a big deal.
If your not willing to let him be 100% involved as a bonus parent then why are you with him?
Yes your being honestly ridiculous over deodorant.
Lol. Its deodorant and hygiene… Ease up
… … You should be celebrating that he takes initiative and does that. In fact if your son asks another question to anyone of you then answer it… its not up to a “dad” or a “mom”. It’s information. Period. Kids are looking for information not drama, mama. Puberty doesn’t have to be a conversation with dad. Self care most definitely doesn’t have to be either… YOU HAD HIM…YOU KNOW HIM. Woman up and have it yourself if you don’t Want the drama…and stop making it for yourself.
He only talked to him about deodorant. I don’t see a big deal.
You should be glad there are men in his life willing to discuss and help him through puberty. But upset over deodorant…smh.
You’re in the wrong here.
I tell my 4 year old at least once a week that noone touches her private areas. My partners 5 year old daughter use to walk around and pull her dress up over her head (she’d wear tights) and I spoke to her with permission off my partner that it wasn’t right to do it as everyone could see her private areas. I also explained that noone was allowed to touch any areas other body, especially personal areas without permission. I explained to the mum the talk we had and she thanked me for doing it as she didn’t know where to start. Your ex could just be the same. All he did was speak about deodorant… not like he had the birds and the bees with him.
hes trying to help and be involved i have a step daughter and me and the cousins talked to her about her period ( she hadnt had one yet) my fiance was ok with it but her mom had a fit!!! she got over it but its that age to talk to them about it! as long as it wasnt the birds and the bees then its ok. hes just giving him advice as i see it.
Y’all ask the dumbest questions. Smfh
If he pays the bills, lives with you, and raises them kids then he has a say as well. sorry not sorry.
Sometimes I’ve noticed sometime kids have a easier time talking to another person that is close to being a parent then they’re actual parents.
You are absolutely ridiculous attention-seeking much? Good luck keeping that boyfriend with your attitude and Outlook.
You’re being ridiculous
I think you are overreacting. That is something they even go over in some health classes around 4th to 5th grade (some schools will separate the boys and girls and go further into discussion about body changes)
Being very silly. He’s your partner, he lives with you. His dad is still his dad but your partner I feel does have the right to step in and say something. Why be with him then?
Deodorant is not a “puberty talk”. Relax.
Really? Your mad because he talked to him about deodorant? I mean you’ve been together for 2 years so you don’t want him to have any meaningful relationship or conversation with your son? You’re completely wrong and overreacting.
Wow. Go ahead and run off the guy who’s been there for someone who hasn’t. I’m sure hes gonna definitely stick around and stand for that! And…why didn’t YOU talk to YOUR son if you were worried about it. Hes your child, not a possession that you have to wait and let Dad handle. Get prepared girl, cuz you haven’t seen nothing yet.
U childish smh he needs to know about hygiene i could understand if it was the sex talk but deodorant come on now
It was just about deodorant? No biggie.
be glad he wants to be there and do those things. But deodorant is nothing to get your panties in a wad over… other things maybe need to be a group discussion
I just talked to my step daughter about her period. Shes getting to that age. And I’ve only been with her for 3 years.
It should be your sons decision on who he wants to talk to about it, and all of you should respect that. He will go to everyone of you for advice and if you keep getting upset about things as stupid as that, he won’t go to any of you for advice. You should step back and relax and let your son decide, it’s his life and body.