The situation is kind of silly but it’s about the principle. Even though it’s something as trivial as deodorant, she asked him not to talk to her son for a reason and he straight up said he doesn’t care about what she has to say. The guy has only been around for 2 years. He is not that kid’s dad. I wouldn’t want to be told by my mom’s boyfriend that I stink. Just from what is gathered from this guy’s attitude is that he is going to cause animosity with that kid as a teenager.
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Yes you’re wrong. He talked to him about deodorant not sex.
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Why would you let a man live in the house with your child if you dont even trust him to talk to him about DEODORANT!??
You’re either a bad mom for letting a crazy untrustworthy person live with your kid, or you’re just trying to start shit for zero reason.
Either way, you’re sooooo wrong
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Its just deodorant… Get over it.
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“brief talk about deodorant with my son”. Really, if he is entering puberty, you or someone should have talked to him about deodorant. You can talk to him also. Mom’s with only sons do this all the time.
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You should be glad he cares enough to try helping a boy with boy stuff, if dad isn’t always around I would consider it helpful and not be mad that my dude cared enough about my kid to have an uncomfortable conversation. And if his father is as good a dad as you say then he would be grateful that you found a man that loves your children. I know I’m grateful my daughters stepmother loves her like her own, I literally couldn’t have asked for a better woman to help me raise my girl.
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ur bf deserves better:woman_shrugging:
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I think she gets the point some people just go on with themselves
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It’s just deodorant. If he is going to play apart in helping raise your kids. This shouldn’t be an issue.
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You’re overreacting. Be happy you have a supportive partner who is willing to have conversations and cares about your child. If his bio-dad gets mad, too bad, grow up.
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If it was only deodorant then don’t make too much of it but bio dad needs to have "The talk"real soon and you need to be aware of what is said so you know what to expect from your son. Having two men to get advice from can be a good thing so I’d he has a question he can ask who ever he needs.
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Ummm… Where’s the problem? His (basically) stepdad is trying to bond with him? About deodorant? His real dad obviously hasn’t yet so stepdad did. Seems like u should be bragging not complaining!
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I’m glad I’m not this dramatic good Lord.
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Yes you’re in the wrong. It’s deodorant it’s not like he had the birds and the bees talk. And it should ultimately be your sons decision on who he’s comfortable talking to.
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You’re frikken RIDICULOUS! 
You’re willing to spread your legs to that man for at least 2 years. He’s been a father figure to your son. And here you are treating him like some strange man talking to your son about deodorant and whatever else it is you apparently won’t talk with him about. If I was that dude, I’d leave your ass high and dry 
Let it go your trying to find a problem where there is none if your not goin to let bf participate in the relationship 100% then you should be single
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You are mad because your boyfriend is stepping into a role he signed up for when you began dating?
I think you should just be thankful that he willing and isn’t being a deadbeat “dad”.
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While deodorant is NBD, I paid more attention to his not caring about your feelings on how your child is raised and about his ability to have a relationship with his biological father. That screams controlling to me. I would be re-evaluating whether this is the type of relationship I would want myself or my child involved in.
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Be glad that he even wants to give him that talk, it means that he cares. If the father doesn’t like it, let him step up and say so himself, at least then you’ll know where he stands.
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Wow! He talked to him about deodorant, he didn’t buy him a hooker for the night. Please leave, your boyfriend deserves so much better!
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Just about deodorant? That’s not that bad and do you want him involved? Do you want him to be someone your son can look up to and confide in? It’s okay for him to have more than one man to look up to and talk to. He stepped up for the role, and now that the bio dad is deciding to be a dad , you’re putting him second. I think you should take a step back and think about how you would feel if it were reversed. Being a step parent in HARD.
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Man to man. It his place to talk to your son about simple hygiene and using protection etc. I’m sorry but you as a mom is not going to get through to your son about those things like his father or another man possibly can. Your BF is just trying to be a good mentor and you should let him do so. He did nothing wrong. I know you feel like he somehow overstepped; but someone has to inform your son about the use of deodorant…
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Sounds like a good man to me. If you wanna put him on the market so we can have him, leave him. 
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I get what you mean. But you both are present in his life. You want the boy to remain a child and that’s too late. He is experiencing puberty and a healthy talk needs to be had. You are his mother the boyfriend is there and you both should be talking to him. At some point he will learn the wrong things if you don’t step up as a mother. Time to get over yourself honey
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It’s a talk about deodorant, not sex. YOU should’ve had that talk with him. If you can’t talk to your son about deodorant, you are going to have a hell of a time parenting a teenage boy.
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If you said “don’t” then he should have respected that. However, if it didn’t go any further than deoderant then I don’t think any harm was done; though he skirted your desire, so that might be an issue. Either way, it’s a necessary and benign skirting of a parent’s wishes. I’m of the camp, that if you trusted him enough to move him in, then why is a deoderant conversation such an issue? I’m sure there’s things not discussed here, so while others should respect your parenting wishes, it was more of a favor to your child than a disservice.
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Some of these are so stupid to ask 
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If it was only about deodorant then I don’t see that as a puberty talk. 💁
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Where is the problem?
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If it was an issue with personal hygiene why didnt you tell your son he needs deodorant . Was he not wearing any at all ? Could have bought him a stick and said “here you need to start wearing this” … dont really understand why the dad must tell him . Its deodorant… I’ve worn deodorant since I started school lol . Am I the only one that didnt wait until puberty to wear it 
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I wouldn’t be mad. The more adult males your son has in his corner the better. They both should be able to talk to him about that stuff
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You shouldn’t be with him or around your kids if you don’t want him to be so involved. Deodorant not so special!!!
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Man if i was your bf and you got your panties in a bunch over deodorant talk when your child might be stinking and need it i would be running for the hills…
What is he a back burner dad figure only there to financially support you guys nothing else??
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The fact that he cares enough to talk to him about anything is a good thing to me. If you don’t want him to be part of your sons life but he’s been around for 2 years now and has lived with you then maybe rethink your relationship. Deodorant isn’t even something that you should care who talks to your kid about for me. Either you want him involved or you don’t.
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i’m a step mom and my fiancé has told me that it is 100% my place to help guide and educate my [step]son where i can. i think you need to research healthy coparenting. there’s no reason your son shouldn’t have two healthy outlets to discuss his body and sex with.
the fact that you don’t see it as his place means that you don’t see him as a father role in your kids lives and if that’s the case then let another girl have him who will appreciate the fact that he gives a fuck enough to HELP YOU RAISE & TEACH CHILDREN THAT AREN’T HIS.
you’d rather he learns how to be a man from a man you describe as a shitty dad? and not the man you’re committing your life to?
Please let your boyfriend disembark from your crazy train 
. You’re nuts. He talked to him about deodorant. Deodorant. My daughters softball coaches talk to the girls about wearing deodorant. It’s not taboo.
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I think anyone who wants to talk to a child about improving their personal hygiene that it’s cool. I wish someone would’ve told me some things. My mom wasn’t taught how to take care of herself and never learned so then I never learned. When my significant other and I moved in together. I picked up on some things he was doing. I was 20 years old til I was like ummm maybe I should start doing this because I saw him doing it. But yet no one spoke up. I don’t care who has the talks as long as today’s youth is being taught basic hygiene skills, because I wish I had known well before I did.
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Yes. You’re wrong. If you can’t trust the man that lives with you to talk to your kid about deodorant why tf are you living
together? He can’t be daddy only when you choose
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Wow. So many assholes. You have every right to be mad. He went against your wishes. He is not your child father and he doesn’t get to dictate
Be grateful he actually cares and is comfortable enough to discuss these things with your son…
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I mean… he told you that was a dumb reason. He’s not wrong. You can’t avoid parenting because you don’t want to make waves with a man who took 12 years to grow up and get tf on board with being a parent. Someone has to talk to your child about his body. Are you handling it? I’m gonna say no. If he will, regardless of what his biological father expects, if he ain’t there when it comes up, then oh tf well. Boyfriend was. Should he disregard your wishes? Absolutely not… unless your wishes are stupid. And I’ll tell ya what, if ya boy come up in my space smelling like a wet boot, imma tell him about deodorant too! Idc what you say! lol 
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Sorry but you’re trippin it’s not like he talked to him about sex, it was personal hygiene. I had that talk with my step daughter & her mother was thankful as well as my husband. I agree certain things should be left to discuss by the bio parents but at the end of the day, this is trivial. And if you’re that concerned about it and you feel it’s not the boyfriends place, then you should have mentioned it to the childs father and not you’re boyfriend. Sounds to me like hes just trying to help out with the kid who lives under the same roof as him & you should be grateful for it. Alot of the times boyfriends/girlfriends don’t really care enough to put in the effort for someone else’s kid. It takes a village to raise a child and if you’re with that man and yall live together hes going to be big part of that. If you or you’re childs father can’t accept that youre guy’s s/o will be parental figures as well, yall should have just stayed together
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Honestly its a good thing there is a partner with you who would be willing to talk to your son about puberty. Cause this is the time where your son is going to ask you questions you wont have answers to. If your not going to talk about it now when are you going to talk about it?
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Get over it! hes helping you! Dont be ungrateful. Smh
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Honestly, it seems a bit petty to mad at the bf. He talked to your son about deodorant not sex.
The bf is in you and your sons life, baby daddy has to deal with that. If you want your bf in your life You have to deal with the fact that he is going to be in your sons life too. That he is going to be a male figure in his life.
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If ANYTHING you should appreciate the boyf for putting the time and effort into a talk with ya kid
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Really?!
I’d say you’re really petty.
Why would your child’s father care if another man speaks to your son about deodorant?!!! 
Why are you concerned and you said you’ve known this man for 10+ years?!
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The fact that he was willing to talk to him about it speaks volumes.
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You shouldn’t be mad. If hes taking on the role of a step parent and you have allowed this then theres nothing wrong with what he did. The dad can still have a more detailed talk with his son.
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It’s about deodorant not sex lol maybe he needed to be told before he got to see “dad” and a bf of 2 years does he help pay bills? Is he good to ur son? Do u see it long term? Maybe him talking bout little things aren’t bad especially if dad ain’t around at that moment
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Deodorant! Just that? 
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My son is 16 and my boyfriend and my son’s dad really don’t like each other but they get along. When my son goes to his dad’s, he talks to him and when we have him, my BF talks to him. I want my son to be a great man! Sometimes it takes more than just the father to help him understand manhood. There’s different guidance and ways to helping young men become great! These young teenagers need those who are willing to step up and guide them into the right direction and it shouldn’t matter who it is, especially if they have that potential to be apart of different aspects of your son’s life. Some young men have no guidance or no men to even listen to them. Be thankful!!!
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I think deodorant isn’t worth getting upset. If he lives with you he’s gonna be involved. HOWEVER the issue I see is he went against your wishes. As for dad the serious talk about puberty should happen with him not boyfriend. Just my opinion. But deodorant shouldn’t be an issue. Personal hygiene inst the same as the birds and bees.
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… . It’s deodorant… its not a big deal at all. Someone obviously needs to tell him cuz kids stink during puberty. Like … its hygiene .
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Its deodorant its not.like he talked to.him about sex
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Wt actual f. Your child is almost hitting puberty and you haven’t talked to him about puberty yet??? Thank god somebody is (your bf).
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You’re in the wrong. He is there, in your child’s life. If his real dad is also in his life then Your son gets to have them both. Stop expecting that man to walk on eggshells. If you don’t want him involved then he shouldn’t be there at ALL
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Omg lol … you’re totally wrong woman
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I have mixed feelings aswell because you should talk to his dad about it. You should talk to his real father about the concerns you have on puberty. You both should be in agreement on what to say. BUT your boyfriend should have some say and try his best as well. He is a step dad now and has every right to discuss if there close. If there not than hell to the no. lol
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Yes. How will you ever Co parent effectivelyand expect this man to treat your child like his own if you don’t allow him to talk about deodorant. Are you sure you don’t have feelings for bio dad still?
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I’d thank him for understanding and talking to your son before he ends up being bullied for smelling bad or being unhygienic. It is his place if he cares enough for your son.
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Both Men should get a long and make him a Man you should of had deordrant for your Son the Men need to respect each other
So you’re upset because he talked to your son about deodorant?! Keep that behavior up and your boyfriend will become your ex boyfriend. Be grateful that he want to be involved with a child that is not his
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I understand what you are trying to do and that is give your sons dad his respect and his place but you have allowed your boyfriend to play a role in your home and in your son’s life and he too should have a say. Appreciate that you have someone in his life that is trying to give him advice. in life I think we have to pick and choose our battles and this is one you shouldn’t have picked.
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Both parents have to have talks with the kids. It’s not a one parent discussion. Both parties will have good insight and different points of view and think of different things to talk about.
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You’re being very petty.It was a talk about deodorant.Which I know your son needs at his age.Be thankful you bf cares enough to talk to your son.Sure his father wants to be a dad now,but who knows in the long run.Get over it,you’ve known you bf for over 10 years,why are you upset?
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Am I the only one wondering if ANYONE has talked to this kid about puberty yet???(the biology at least- not necessarily the relationships part.) If he’s showing signs of puberty at this point, then someone needs to pony up and have it with him if he’s not gotten it at school. The poor kid.
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Seriously? Honestly that’s not something to be upset over. Sure he did it after you asked him not too but he is willing to do the uncomfortable discussions and that’s night even his son. But what’s more sad is you’re upset about him discussing about the use of deodorant
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Guys! Yeah, it was just about deodorant but the point is, she asked him NOT to and regardless how long they’ve been together or if he pays bills, it is her kid and will continue to be her kid if they dont stay together and she asked him NOT to. There was a boundary set and he crossed it. I probably wouldnt make a huge deal of it I would be upset too and I would definitely reiterate what’s acceptable for the bf.
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Deoderant?? You are in the wrong
So so much.
Wow… Seriously??? You’re mad he talked about using deodorant & you feel that keeps the father from being able to be a father? What in the actual… That is some of the craziest shit I have heard… & if nobody has talked to the kid about puberty & he is already in it than you should be thanking him for reaching out & taking the first step when nobody else has.
He talked with your son, who has been in his life for 10 YEARS about DEODORANT and you’re mad? Nah honey. You’re in the wrong.
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Wait you’re mad that he talked to a kid entering puberty about wearing deodorant??? Wtf. These posts today are the most petty BS nonsense I’ve ever seen. You women must lead incredibly boring lives if you feel the need to get mad about such insignificant bullshit… wow…
Wtf?! Over deodorant 
that’s hardly a puberty talk… and if your son is currently in the middle of hitting puberty and displaying signs, then he needs to have “the talk” like YESTERDAY. Ya know… before your son is super confused wondering wtf is happening to him!!! If dad hasn’t done it, let your boyfriend! 2 years and living together is serious… wtf?!
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I say if all he said to him was about deodorant you are overreacting a little bit.
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Unpopular opinion apparently, you’re not wrong at all. You asked him not to and he did anyways, idc how minor it was, it’s not his call to make bc he is not their father and he should respect your wishes as their mother.
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Do. Not. Date. Someone. If. You. Don’t. Want. Them. To. Be. A. Parent. To. Your. Kid.
Be happy he cared enough to talk to him. Ffs.
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Be thankful your boyfriend even wants to he apart of your childs life and cares enough to even speak to him about that stuff.
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Youre upset about a discussion concerning deodorant? Seriously? Its not like he gave him a stack of Playboys and explained sex to him. Its deodorant!
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You are over reacting big time. Be grateful he even wants anything to do with a kid that isn’t his. Not all men are like that. What did you expect? Him to not want to help your kid out? CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES.
Deodorant? Pick your battles mama. Be thankful your guy cares enough to have an honest conversation about stinking. 
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Lmao wow, girl even you know you’re wrong.
When my oldest son was getting into puberty, it took my man to bang it into my son’s head how he needs to keep himself clean and bathed! He showed him how to wash up, gave him deodorant/body wash/ body spray…my son didn’t like it but he stays clean now! My son’s dad teaches him NOTHING! And I can only nag so much. Takes another man to help raise a man!
Seriously? Was not a puberty talk that was deodorant. My 11yr old i felt was at an age to start using deodorant so i let him pick 1 out. Im not even sure i want my ex telling him about puberty lol it was just deodorant tho. I think beyond that tho id be a little mad at but not this. If my exs wife got my daughter her first bra and talked to her about puberty and shaving legs id be a little mad. She’s MY daughter my 1 and only. They have a daughter of their own they get to go they it with.
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I feel he should have respected your wishes, and your son’s father’s opinion. If it was only on using deodorant, probably ok but a full blown sex talk should be up to his parents.
I think thats insane. It was only about deodorant…he probably didnt even realize he wasnt supposed to talk about deodorant, he probably thought you meant the birds and bees talk or something.
The red flag for me here is bf saying he is going to be 100% involved and that its too late for the actual dad to step up. If that doesnt scare op, it should.
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It’s deodorant…when your partner wants to partake in your child’s life, why would you not want that? If your ex has an issue with that, then you both are SUPER immature.
Lmao you sound retarded. Dude lives in your house but can’t give your son the kind of advice he NEEDS? I hope he leaves you.
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Honestly, little boys probably need multiple people telling them to wash up and use deoderant
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It was just about deodorant, he left a lot for his dad to talk to him about. He probably only talked about deodorant so your kid didn’t get bullied. Chill out.
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Um… Okay I’m conflicted . On one side, you asked him not too - but… He talked about deadorant. You’re acting like he gave him the full sex talk.
Just my unpopular opinion but don’t have a long term relationship if you’re not wanting him to be a parent as well.
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He had a convo about deodorant?
Oh, the horror!
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You are mad he discussed deodorant. Wow.
…its just deodorant.
I think a lot of these women commenting are actually missing the point… This is about respect. Respecting the role of all parties involved. Mom, dad, sted dad, step mom, and child. But if it was just a talk about using deodorant then I am not understanding why a basic “hey man, here is some deodorant” situation needing to be a major “puberty” convo…?
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It’s DEODORANT, don’t be petty
Boyfriend: Hey you stink, wear deoderant.
Girlfriend: you are not allowed to inform my son that he is going to stink if he doesnt wear deoderant!
Sounds stupid, doesnt it? Get over yourself.
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I just feel people should pack up and leave people like you immediately.
He can play dad when he’s providing for you and a child who isn’t his but he can’t talk about your son getting musty 
Just throw the whole relationship away, find a woman without kids or with kids and common sense, and be happy. That’s why I advise him.
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Then don’t tell him anything if you want to say it’s not his place that’s rude asf and petty of you. If that’s the case he should leave since his presence isn’t appreciated
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