I know this is going to sound terrible. I’m terrible. But I need advice. My toddler is not my boyfriend kid. I didn’t cheat but we did split up for a while and then got back together. During that time I slept with someone random. My toddler has only known my boyfriend as dad and we also share another child together that is his. He is now refusing to have anything to do with my son and my son is heartbroken. He will come get our daughter and leave my son there crying and broken and I feel broken… I know this is my fault. but I feel like he should still at least spend time with my son… how can I convince him? He’s only known him as dad /:
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To anyone who laughed at this post shame on you. Hopefully he’ll come around. You just don’t stop loving a child. If he honestly chooses to not have anything to do with him I hope you find a comforting way to help your son cope. We all make mistakes.
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His choice I don’t see a problem with what he done, Not his responsibility to care for a child that not his
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he felt he was deceived. Just think if the situation was reversed…just how would you feel??? Do I think he is right?..no , do I think he is wrong?..no. Now you have to decide just how you want to continue with your relationship with him, Maybe split up & see how that works out for both of you. I also would find your son’s daddy & talk to him about him being a father, he just might be the dad your son needs.
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Sounds like you were not honest with him from the start,you didn’t give him the choice of walking away or stepping up and being the father for this child,I feel sorry for the child but you should have thought about this and how it would effect your child when he found out
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You should find your child’s father. It’s unfair that he has a child walking around that he may no nothing about. Unfortunately all our choices lead to consequences, good or bad. He has no obligation to your son and it probably hurts him every time he looks at him. Maybe it would have been different if you were honest from the start. Is it still fresh for him? I’d say if it is, give him time to come around. It’s not your sons fault and one would hope he would see that too but everyone is diff. But the boys true father deserves to know and deserves a shot at being his dad. I feel for your son and I hope he can find a way to understand and then to cope.
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Dude, he owes that child nothing. Imagine how heartbroken he is for god’s sake. Yes your son is unhappy, but sadly he’s not owed anything by the man that just had his world shattered
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Unfortunately you can’t force your boyfriend to be his father that is something he needs to want to do on his own. Yes it sucks for your son you need o find peace with this situation and realise that your actions have consequences and your son is the one who is now paying the price
Give him time to process. Imagine how you would feel if in his shoes.
Sounds like he was made to believe it was his and that is deceitful. Had you been honest upfront, you would have spared your son some heartache. Poor kids suffer for their parents actions.
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People are laughing but this isn’t even funny. My husband came into our life when our oldest was 2 and picking up our bio child and leaving out our oldest wouldn’t be something to ever cross my mind.
Wtf is wrong with some of y’all? Grow up…this is a child that is hurting. Geez.
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Please try to find your boy’s real Dad. He may be the best thing to happen to him and be a wonderful Dad
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Think u need to give him space let’s be honest his world as been turned upside down and maybe he can’t handle seeing your son and maintaining a relationship with him and I think u need too arrange someone else to come collect your other child so then your son isn’t seeing him and u need to protect him from all this
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You made your bed lay in it. What else did you expect?
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I would hope your boyfriend would keep loving your son.
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your bf walked away after finding out your kid isn’t his & you expected a different outcome? some guys don’t want to raise another man’s kid 
I suggest you find your childs dad & see if he wants to establish a relationship… if not, move on & live your lives…
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How long has it been since he found out? Maybe he needs time to accept this. I’m sure he’s hurt, but that’s no excuse for how he’s treating your son. That’s not ok. I have a family member who’s first kids dad will take the siblings along with when he picks up the bio kid. It’s never ok to make a child feel excluded. I’m so sorry mama. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you or your baby boy. 
You can’t and you should respect his choice. As sad as it is he’s not obligated to do anything with a child that isn’t his. Be honest with your son and help guide him through the healing process. It’s better to have happened now then when he is older. How did he find out? We’re you honest or did something happen? Did you know? All that Matters to him. There’s no convincing otherwise. Also, just food for though… he’s probably separating himself from the toddler to not build a bigger bond. Kids that are biologically ours are always ours. Kids that aren’t can always be taken away. That’s just the reality. He’s probably thinking it’s the best for the two incase that does happen.
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You don’t need to force anyone to love or have a relationship with your child. So don’t question how you can make him have/want a relationship with your son. Do not put your son in a situation where he may be abused in any type of way. You never know how that guy may be feeling towards you. And no you are not in the wrong you did not cheat or anything. Don’t let him make you feel guilty & don’t do that to yourself because you have kids to be strong and happy for. Screw him especially for treating a child that way.
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Get the toddler a skilled play therapist to play out his feelings.
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Maybe he already had his doubts about your son being his and that’s why it’s so easy for him to walk away from him. In any case, my heart hurts for your little boy as he’s too young to fully understand why someone he loves and thought loved him would treat him differently all of a sudden:(
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Unfortunately we all make mistakes , we’re human! But you can’t blame him for his actions or how he is feeling . The situation itself is unfortunate but he technically isn’t obligated to the child that y’all don’t share . It’s up to him if he chooses to be there for your son , but as long as he’s doing for the child he is obligated to, you can’t be mad at em 
maybe his bio father will step up if you’re able to communicate with him ! Hope things work out and you have family support to lean on during this time ! 
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It will only be harder if he chose to walk away 1, 2, 3-5 years from now ….
If you knew that it was a possibility that he wasn’t the father, you should’ve been honest with everyone involved from the start. I don’t believe what he is doing is right … but I also believe you set up your son to be heartbroken, unintentionally … seek out the other guy and see if he would like the opportunity to be in his son’s life. If not, then show your son the love he deserves and stay strong for him. This is so hard, I hope things work out for the best for you and your family
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I’m unsure how to even respond. Take ownership in your choices, you had to have known for the last few years there was a possibility the child wasn’t his. It’s sad the child is stuck in the middle of your choices… but he doesn’t have to take responsibility. The child isn’t his. Work o finding the guy you had a fling with and let him know he has a child.
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This is a very sad and traumatizing situation for the child, maybe get him therapy early on to cope with his emotions and maybe this guy will have a change of heart and come around for this child once he has processed it himself. Best of luck 
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Did ur boyfriend just find out?
Can’t have the cow without the calves ,tell him ,take a hike 
Don’t try to convince him to do anything, just focus on your son. Whether your boyfriend knew or not, and has chosen to abandon that child, he made his bed, let him go.
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I know shiiii t happens and while I’d be mad as hell at you… my heart could never allow me to put enough hatred to the point where I’m going to cut all interaction with a son who I’m all he’s ever known and vice versa. With that being said …you cannot expect a person to do or feel anything . My advice to you is to… fully own up to the consequences of your actions and to love on that baby twice as hard. 
Good luck with everything .
You need to leave that man alone. he needs to wrap his head around what happened. You may not have cheated but you still lied. Withholding the truth is still lying and this is a life changing detrimental lie that now your son has to pay for. Don’t push your son on him. Give that man time to accept and then heal because you don’t know what goes through his mind everytime he sees that child. Seeing him is a reminder of the lie you carried on your whole pregnancy and the years that he was taking care of another man’s child. What’s worse, he has to live with the fact that had you not been caught, you’d allow this man to falsely believe that was his child for maybe the rest of his life. Accept and own what you did fully and wholeheartedly then apologize to that man and then your son. Last, forgive yourself and never put yourself in that situation again. You’ve hurt a multitude of people and that’s a hard pill to swallow but you can come out of this a better version of yourself. I pray for healing for everyone involved, especially your son.
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Should have thought about that when you were pregnant and told him ahead of time you slept with someone else and he might not be his instead of waiting. As much as it sucks he owes that child nothing. I will bet if you were up front and honest with him it would be a completely different story. I’m a step father and love my step daughter. but you need to take accountability for creating this situation
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I feel bad for your toddler but if he thought he was his son… then found out he wasn’t - I’m sure he has a lot of emotions going through his mind and heart right now. This is something you should have let him know as soon as you knew.
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You made that bed, now you gotta lay in it
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You don’t. It’s on you. He is not obligated to do anything. You should’ve told him already?
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How old is your son? Everybody is different I could not walk away from a child that I had a relationship with so very sad it would have helped had you’ve been upfront initially
There is no convincing. That is rightfully his choice to no longer involve himself. Nothing you can do or say.
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You all are doing nothing but judging this woman who is going through hell right now. Her concern right now is for her SON. She admitted she was wrong and thinks she’s a terrible person for it when in reality, they were separated and she didn’t do anything wrong. I can’t speak for her as to how she knows who the dad is and if she kept it a secret but this woman is putting her child first and foremost. Not a lot of parents these days do that.
I go back to my original advice. Sit down and talk to him. Give him time and space. He will come around if he ever truly loved your son. I’m sure he’s heartbroken right now.
Don’t beat yourself up. Give your energy to your son. Show him how much he’s loved.
Hugs Mama! Here if you need to talk.
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You should have been honest with him from the beginning smh
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Very bad and sad situation. Just back off and wait a while. Give it time . The more you open your mouth the more he will pay you back. He is hurt and mad.
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Consequences for your actions, unfortunately your son is the one suffering.
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Make up for his loss and shower him with loads of attention. Don’t know if it’ll work, but regardless he’s devastated and prob needs extra luvins.
This is why I didn’t date in front of my children. But that’s me.
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Why are people laughing at this?
There’s nothing funny about this, and those laughing are cruel. That poor baby. No advice, except love on your baby twice as hard 
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You are right it is your fault. You should of been honest with him the minute you knew the baby was not his! Now your child has to suffer the consequences. I feel bad for your son and daughter… you cannot force your boyfriend to be involved in your son’s life. If your boyfriend can dismiss your son so easily after being his “Dad” then your son will be better off without him.
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he’s not obligated to do anything for your son. you need to find his real daddy.
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Deal with your consequences. You made those decisions- you can’t force someone to be a parent to a child that isn’t his. Especially, if it was kept hidden
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I feel for your son:pray:
This is heart breaking to hear innocent kids caught up in the middle of WE grown-ups people mass.
WE get to enjoy all pleasures and kids have to deal with stupid moves and hurt the most.
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If you didn’t tell him there was a possibility of another dad then you hurt and deceived him. He’s hurt just like your son is. He’s been betrayed and now he is leaving you to the mess you made. You need to find your child’s father so he can have his dad.
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Your child comes first. If he left, he was not meant to stay forever.
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If he is a grown man he will do the right thing. Give him some time to process it first.
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Kids should never be punished for adults actions. He has to realize that its unfair to do that to him, reguardless of how wrong the situation is. You will have to answer to your child one day and be honest.
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Outta site outta mind maybe idk just don’t have the man come where your son is to pick up his daughter…let your son get used to him not being there for him since he obviously is choosing not to
Unfortunately, your son is a reminder of the sexual encounter you had with another man. It may be too hard for him to accept him. You may wanna contact the “random” and inform him that he has a son. I think you are focused on the wrong person.
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Not his kid. Not his job. Period. He is doing no wrong. Find that child’s dad.
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Your son is not his responsibility… Find the child’s father. You can’t expect him to raise and take care of another man’s child. He does not want to. Live with it and deal with it.
Think before you sleep around, it’s always the children that suffer.
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Yeah you messed up, you admit it. I see both sides I understand his. But I also feel so terrible for the little boy that doesn’t understand why his dad doesn’t want him anymore. If he had a heart he would still take him it’s not his fault. Maybe he needs time to process this
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Let him get some space. Hopefully he will come together to realize that it is is son. He raised him, he been there, that is his dad! There are dad’s out there who went to the same thing as you did. But they still stayed to raise that child as there own. I hope he will come back and you’ll all be that family that that boy needs. It’s going to be hard on him and you. It’s gonna be tough for you both. One thing is for sure that boy loves him. He shouldn’t take it out on him, that boy is innocent. Put all things aside if you both still want to be together. It happened nothing you or him can do, just move on and try and be a happy family with both kids and you both. If that’s what you and him want.
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You should’ve told the truth in the beginning
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If the reverse could happen to women, we would get pretty overwhelmed at the thought that we are raising somebody else’s child. Plus the resentment we’d feel towards our partner.
If he had gotten another girl pregnant in the time you’s split up would you help him raise that child?
I think as women we often forget men have feelings too.
If you give him space and time he will probably miss that connection and reengage but for now he has a lot of emotions to process.
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I’m assuming he just found out he wasn’t the father? I’m sorry for your son, but you should’ve been honest up front when you got back together from your split up. Your son is the one who is hurting the most from this. We all make mistakes, but honesty is the best policy- no matter how hard the truth may be. It would’ve saved what’s happening now. I would focus on your son- have him see a therapist, this is a very traumatic experience for him and essentially he feels abandoned which could cause issues as he gets older. I would do whatever you can to help him now. Your worry shouldn’t be convincing the guy you lied to, it needs to be your son and how you can help him in what he is going through. That’s the focus- not the ex
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You don’t need to convince him to raise another man’s child. You just need to find the motivation to go find your child’s real daddy and facilitate THAT bond.
The fact that so many women are trying to shame this man for being hurt, and not wanting to raise a child I belong to someone else is wild.
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Quit having all these babies from different guy. You’ll need a score sheet pretty soon.
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You two are not married, sounds like you also live separately? You made him believe a child was his then he finds out the child he has been raising and loving is another man’s child, and you’ve kept that from him for how long? He does not have to take care if a child that is not his, period, and you need to give him time to process what feels like a loss to him.
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Your son needs to know who his actual father is. As heartbreaking as all this is, you can’t place any kind of blame or demands on your bf.
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- He may come around, it’s his daughters’ sibling.
- Try birth control and don’t go hoping into bed with random men.
- Look for a HUSBAND, instead of baby daddy’s, since you appear to have 2 already.
- A real man and loving husband will help you raise both kids.
Harsh but true.
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That’s what happens when you lie. And you did enough damage you sound pathetic. Get over yourself. Let him grieve. Cos he’s grieving over a child that he thought was his. At this point instead of worrying about him cos you did decieve him…maybe focus on being a good mother. The world doesn’t revolve around you. I feel sorry for your child. Poor child. You are a terrible person. Atleast you smart enough to acknowledge that.
You cant convince him nor should you. You also need to not guilt him or manipulate him into being a father if he doesn’t want to be. This is for him to accept not you to force or convince. He needs time to decide if he wants to be his dad or not. You don’t get to decide anything except to look for his actual father. If you knew he wasn’t the father and you didn’t tell him, you did deceive him and you should understand why he is not ok.
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I am sorry for this situation that has to be incredibly stressful and heartbreaking. This man has raised your boy as his own thus far prior to knowing about paternity. Now that test result turns his feelings off for your son. My advice is that you and your boyfriend need to sit down calmly and have a very serious conversation about him stepping up to raise your son and his daughter. To start there will be no “your son” and “his daughter” vocabulary…. Our children, our son, our daughter is only used. You both agree to raise other children in a loving home and treat both children the same. If your boyfriend is not willing to accept the responsibility of being a dad, a man of the family, then you need to cut ties. You and your children deserve a man who will love you ALL without conditions. He simply would become your daughter’s dad and establish boundaries to stop hurting your son.
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Well, honestly, he doesn’t owe you or your son anything. Just his daughter. You chose to not tell him in the beginning. You need to reach out to the other possible father, so your son can have his real dad…
Don’t blame the dad, blame yourself. Completely 100%
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That poor poor boy 
the fella is probably hurting just as much. You need to find that boys dad
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So when yous got back together you never bothered to mention that you had slept with someone else and that the child you have could possibly be the other person’s? Yeah, that’s something you should have told him, to save not only his feelings but your child’s. I feel for your son, he is much too young to understand what’s going on and why now all of a sudden “his dad” doesn’t want anything to do with him. Poor baby💔 maybe reach out to his actual father,
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Maybe when he gets over the fact that the child is not his he will start to have contact with him again . He has loved that child from the start . I don’t think you can just turn that love off .
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This is NOT the child’s fault. It’s time you find this “random” guy & prove he’s the father so he can be a father.
This is what happens when you open your legs. 
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Have you sat down and talked to him and told him the truth?
Where is the biological father? Does he know he has a child?
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And he has every right to feel that way. This the problem with a lot of u 
females! Y’all break up go get some 
in between and then BREAK THESE MENS HEARTS by saying you’re pregnant with a child that you know POSSIBLY AINT THEIRS!!
Getting what you deserve sis
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Sad situation for the child and truly sucks ! I will however say better now than later. I also would say you arent asking the man to make a commitment just till the kid is older it’d be a child he’d also be responsible for till he’s 18. That’s a lot for someone to volunteer for. I’m surprised as they obviously have a bond already that he’d walk away but totally his right.
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Anyone candy be a dad it takes a special MAN to be a father
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If you want your child to have a dad you should find the actual dad. Kids are very adaptable and sadly you screwed everyone over by not telling the truth from the beginning so you need to do the best of it.
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He probably needs some time… He probably sees it as a betrayal and your son is a reminder.
At the end of the day if he’s been “daddy” to this boy for a while there’s no way he doesn’t have feelings for him. He will miss him and odds are he will come around if you give him time to process it.
Everyone processes things differently and while I’m not saying I agree with walking away from a child who sees you as daddy, I do agree with him doing whatever he needs to do to process everything. It’s a big one… and at the end of the day he needs to do what’s best for himself. It sucks for everyone involved 
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So this child is old enough to know and recognize him as daddy ? Doesn’t sound like this is a newborn. They bonded ? He walked away from what he’s known as his child ? If yall were split up did you ever lie to him about being with someone else during that time ? Was there ever talk he may not be baby daddy ?
This is heartbreaking, that baby is innocent and don’t care who slept with who or who did who wrong. He just sees his daddy leaving him while still seeing his sibling.
Ain’t no way I could break a child’s heart that way. I hope he heals to where he can be there for your son.
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I can’t imagine leaving a child that I helped raise. Blood or not.
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So you dont know the “random someone” ? Mama, Please look for that “random” person as soon as possible for the sake of the boy please, hes the father, either you want or not!
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I suggest counseling if you can both talk and be civil. It sounds like he is as hurt as your son is. Sadly he is taking the anger for you out on not seeing his son. People react to hurt differently. To a man, finding out a child is not yours is devastating usually and as see in this case. If you can talk and try counseling to vent his anger and frustration he will be able to see that blood does not make a child or parent. I have 7 step kids and 1 bio and never used the word stepkids unless explaining it like this. They are my kids, I raised them and love them no more or less than my bio child. It was the mom that actually tried to hold them back for a bit from seeing me untill she woke and realized it herself.
Guys out here walking away from babies they created, and here you are all surprised pikachu face that this guy wants to bail on you.
You led him to believe your toddler was his all these years. It’s mug his fault your child is upset
You knew there was potential doubts but said nothing and didn’t offer DNA testing, and now your son is suffering the consequences.
Unfortunately this is your own doing- he’s not obligated to continue caring for the child,
Personally if I was him I would be too invested to walk away but everyone’s different.
Make peace with it, and figure out a way for your son to cooe
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Get rid of the boyfriend. He should love both children unconditionally. Regardless of him not being the father, he is still the only father the child knows. If he doesn’t want to be a man to stepup to that role he no longer deserves to be a father. Child support his a$$.
Unfortunately this is a case where the kids are suffering for the actions of the parents. It’s horrible for your son but there’s no one to blame but yourself. That’s something you have to explain to your son when he’s older and hopefully you make better decisions going forward so your kids don’t suffer any more.
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I’m pretty sure she already said …I’m terrible…she is worried about the little boy .what do u want her to do go off herself? Be kind … its free! Imagine her devastation watching that child be hurt from her mistakes…I’m sure she gets it , she was asking for advice not criticism
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You lied to this man, and you’re expecting him to still be there?
NONE OF YOU are being fair to that child. That child deserves to know the truth so he’s not hurting. Imagine just thinking your dad doesn’t love you anymore but doesn’t know why, and the why is because mom lied. That poor kid, man.
At least arrange when he will pick up your daughter, and make sure the boy doesn’t see it happen until he knows better. How sad.
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Imagine how broken his heart is
As you said you made this mess
You’ve got to be kidding me right you know that even though you guys did split up and got back together, you should’ve never pinned that child on him. You are truly trying to make yourself a victim. Here is obligated to one child and that is the one he shared with you. He’s not obligated to do for the other one unfortunately and as harsh as that may sound, it only sounds like you are just trying to look out for yourself
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Don’t try to convince him his is an a–h–e if he can be so heartless to an innocent child regardless if he fathered him or not. Tell him to hit the road you and both your children are a full meal deal.
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I feel for your child. If he was a real man he’d still take him under his wing. Being a parent isn’t about blood and he’s the only one he’s known.
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First off, you’re not terrible, stuff happens. I’ve personally never been in that situation but he doesn’t seem like he’s being fair to your son. I know he’s not technically his dad but to act like it then to just not, seems like a horrible man. He’s just a child he doesn’t understand. I think the best you can do would to be to not push the issue. Harsh, but I honestly don’t know what else you can do
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You hurt that child by not telling him in the first place that’s on you sis. Sorry but it’s true .
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Your ex feels betrayed. He thought it was his child and then finds out it’s not. He’s hurting too.
Yes, it sucks that your son is hurting, but legally and morally, you can’t force your ex to take your son. Hopefully he comes around for the sake of the child, but until then, you’re going to have to deal with it.
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I think there needs to first be a conversation with the boyfriend. Ask him if he’s ok with you talking to your son about him not being “dad”. See how the bf reacts to that. If he agrees, then an age appropriate discussion with your son about this guy not being his dad.
However… I think he is showing you what kind of person he is if he is punishing a child for the actions of adults. I would think long and hard if you want to have a bf like that around and be a role model for your son anyway.
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