Damn! This is sad on so many levels! This is what happens when grown adults don’t realize the consequences of their actions! The children are always the victims!
At least you have the opportunity to repent from your own awful ways, learn and teach your child the wisdom you didn’t know …at least you didn’t murder your kid so you can avoid responsibility
This situation was outside of everyones hands. What happened has happened. Yes when you found out the timeline didnt add up you should have told him. But thats a decision only you made and whatever you thought was right at the moment. REGARDLESS of the outcome of this situation it is absolutely wrong of the bf to leave him sobbing wondering why isnt daddy taking me. The kid doesnt understand. Dont exclude the kid. He needs to come to terms and work out arrangements.NOT FOREVER but until it can be unstood whats happening. If his love was oh so pure to him. IF this man loved this child oh so deepy and unconditionally. He wouldnt of had the heart to leave him … Listen to me… If he loved that child unconditionally. He wouldnt be able to leave that child broken.
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I don’t think your boyfriend should take it out on your son that’s cruel
You can’t force a boy to be a man.
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You just now told him or what? That’s cold tho.
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If he’s your bf and he’s wanting a future with you then he SHOULD see both kids as his. Blood isn’t what makes someone a parent, their heart and how they love that child is. Sounds like he’s taking his anger out on that baby and that’s not okay. If he loved the baby before then why doesn’t he still? You can’t just turn that shit off. I’m sorry but I would leave him so fast. This isn’t your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong. This is HIS decision. You and those kids deserve better.
I think it’s definitely wrong if he never knew there was a possibility the baby wasn’t his. It’s sad and unfair to both him and your son that he’s just finding out now, but I do think it’s concerning that-after all this time-he’s ok with letting your son feel abandoned like that. I can’t imagine how that baby must feel, seeing his dad take the new baby and ignoring him. I hope he isn’t old enough to think that the baby replaced him or something. I hope he’s able to work through things and not take it out on the innocent child in this situation. This is something that could have been avoided by being honest in the beginning. I’m really not sure what advice to give you other than recommending therapy or something for your son. I’m assuming you two are already split, but if you’re not, it would probably be for the best if you did. In the event that he never came around to treating your son the same as the younger one, it would be traumatizing for your son to be treated this way every day.
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How did he find this out?
Why would you do that to ya kid!? Not only that but you want someone to treat him as their own after you lied? Why you didn’t keep it real in the beginning? Might as well just look for the boys real dad
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I understand him being hurt but to hurt a child like that???
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You can’t force him to spend time with a child who isn’t his. How do you think he feels after bonding with this child all this time than bam he finds out that child isn’t his. Go find the other man and get him tested and if he’s the father let the child know his real father. But you cannot expect your boyfriend to be there for a child that isn’t his. You knew there was a chance he wasn’t the father but you are the one who decided to not tell him there’s was possibility of another man being the father. You’re in the wrong completely. Leave this man alone and let him parent his daughter he has with you and stop trying to force an interaction with your son. There’s no convincing him right now because he’s hurting also whether you want to believe that or not.
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This is the second time I’ve seen this post. Yeah dude sucks but you’re choosing him over your child by allowing it and continuing the relationship.
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Hopefully he’ll come to understand that blood does not make a family. Heart does. I don’t think you can turn that off. He’s hurt and angry. Hopefully he’ll work through that for everyone’s sakes.
If you are still in a relationship then he shouldn’t ignore a child that’s yours, although it will be difficult for him to process and he might need time, overall I’d you stay together this is something thsf needs to be worked through because one child can’t have the cold shoulder
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How sad for your son. I pray that after some time, he’ll change his mind 
All the people agreeing with what the man is doing to this child just shows what’s wrong with the world. The child didn’t decide who his daddy was and bonded with this man. The man needs to suck up his pride and do what’s best for this boy and this boy’s sister who is his biological child. If I saw my dad disown my little brother I’d probably lose all respect for him. There’s so many consequences to his actions and I hope he sees them before it’s too late.
The child should never be punished… period
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This is so sad for baby boy.
I mean yeah he doesnt have obligations to said child…but if hes gonna act that way to a child in the same house, you should be calling him “ex” boyfriend and end this now.
If he plans to stay with u then he should treat all children the same
Angry or not.
Frankly if it were me, the relationship would be over and id find his real dad to see if he wants to establish a relationship with his child anyway.
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Both of y’all ain’t 
!! You should be ashamed for even putting your son in that position
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The type of lessons his petty resentment psychology will teach your son you really dont want him learnin, its painful but better to go through early abandonment
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Who could ever do that to a baby especially one they thought was once theirs and bonded with? That poor baby boy 
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A good man would not punish a child for what their mother did. Unfortunately can’t force him to be a dad to your son. I would not be in a relationship with him.
As far as your son it’s hard to explain to him the situation in a way he understands. Maybe try putting him in some child therapy who specialize with this kinda trauma.
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Damn. You should’ve told him there was a possibility
Sorry but that’s your fault. How long was your break that you ended up pregnant? Your kids are paying for your mistakes. It’s how it goes. You can’t make your ex want to spend time with someone else’s kid. He’s also childish because he’s hurtin that child. He needs to tell that baby that he’s gonna be gone for a while so that the kid doesn’t feel unwanted/rejected . Yall need a different way for him to get his kid so that the other won’t see him pickin them up for a while. Eventually the child will stop missing him. Give your child extra love to make up for the daddy that he no longer has. Of course this is my opinion and it won’t be popular with all but it’s my opinion and I said what I said✌🏻
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You feel heartbroken for a situation YOU PROVOKED!!! You should have been honest with him from the beginning, what exactly did you expected? To not tell him ever ? What do you expected him to do 
As heartbroken as it is for your son, your ex has the right to not want to be involved in your son life anymore , I’m not saying that is right , becasue is absolutely NOT but there’s nothing you can do to fix it .
My suggestion is to get counseling/ therapy for your son because this can mess up his whole life and create serious damage on him .Be the mom you were supposed to be .
Try to find a way and a place ( maybe a neighbor or family where he can go to pick up his daughter so your son is not expose to that pain every time he sees him
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Use a condom next time fok
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It’s hard to see him cry. But this is not something you can convince him. Eventually your son will know that he isn’t his dad. He doesn’t have to have anything to do with him… sadly the truth is he isn’t his father. You be there for him.
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You brought this on yourself, Don’t throw it all on your boyfriend (sex partner). Birth control has been around a very long time. The child is the victim here.
He won’t change . Dump him
You can’t convince him to be a father if the child isn’t his. It’s pretty much his choice now.
You shouldn’t have to convince him. He’s obviously not a very good guy if he would do that to a child
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I think he shouldn’t be your boyfriend anymore … That’s heartbreaking.
Has he always known this or just found out type of thing
Sounds like he finally made the right decision.
You break up for awhile band jump into bed with someone you hardly knew. Shame on you. You caused your son’s heartbreak
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He’s hurt. He might eventually come around. There’s really nothing you can do but enjoy 1on1 time with your boy. Take him on mommy/son dates, play games, build forts etc. Remember when Christmas around to do extra for him because your girl will get extra from dad. I’m not saying give him twice as much in front of her. But when she does daddy Christmas have a special mommy Christmas with him. Start new traditions just for the 2 of you. Dad will have traditions with your daughter.
Ooft I’m kinda shook by the hate this mum is copping and I’m only like 10 comments in. We don’t know the circumstances other than they were on a break. Shit happens and yeah it’s unfortunate but at the end of the day the kids not in a good place. Instead of people passing on judgement and shame how about keep your comments constructive and focus in the kids wellbeing.
I don’t have the answer for you but I imagine it would be horrible for ALL involved. Maybe speak to a child psychologist and get advice from them. When dad picks up his child, maybe plan a really fun day with your son and hype him up for it.
I know someone who was in the same situation the sperm donor didn’t want anything to do with hiis child, but the boyfriend has been present in this child’s life since birth 12yrs now. even though him and the mom are not together and haven’t been for 10 yrs he takes him every other week and treats him as his own
You can’t convince him , and you shouldn’t try. Obviously that man’s love is conditional… Otherwise he would be doin right by your son no matter what 
. Your son doesn’t need that kind of man in his life imo
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I’m honestly shocked at how many have laughed at this post. It’s heartbreaking that a child is experiencing loss and rejection like this and grown people laughing at this babies pain
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Feel bad for everyone but OP. Disgraceful. Denied a man and child a relationship with one another and fooled another man to the detriment of a child. All because she didn’t want to own up to sleeping with someone else while they were split? Sounds like some hard core FAFO. Best thing to do is accept these are the consequences of your choices/actions and be a better person from here. Find that child his father and own up to the fact you lied to everyone involved. Do whatever possible to make up for what you have done to multiple people that will impact all of them for the rest of their lives but know you can never make up for what you have done.
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You cant convince him…this is so sad…the kids always syffer for what theadults do…im really sorry for your little boy…hopefully they will start to build a relationship
Unfortunately YOU did this to your child not him. You should’ve been honest to begin with. It’s an awful situation for the children. If he’s not the real dad you need to find the real dad so that boy can have a father 
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He is not a man he is an overgrown baby. Your child has no fault in all of this. He has no idea the damage he is causing your son. Not that you are not at fault cause you are if you knew the baby wasn’t his. Give your son extra attention take him somewhere special when your daughter is with her father. Make him feel loved and wanted that is the least you can do. I pray for him
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This is totally on you not him. If you slept with multiple men you should’ve been honest from the get go . You failed your son not him
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I really hate to hear this. My ex husband and I split more than once and I also had a child by another. Who he knew wasn’t his and accepted as his own…until we divorced years later. Give him time to clear his head and see what happens. You know us women would go crazy if it was flipped the other way around.
1st off you need to let the boy’s real father know that he is the father. You haven’t been honest with any of them from the beginning. If you would have been you wouldn’t be where you are know. And imo you are a horrible person for letting your boyfriend/ex boyfriend think that the boy was his. It wasn’t fair to any of them. You have no right to be mad a him for not wanting anything to do with your son. Only one that l feel sorry for is the innocent boy
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So you decide to lie and your child is paying the consequence? You screwed up big time! Why would you let your child sit there and cry when your bf is being a turd. Pick him up, scoop him away and distract. As for your bf, you need to TALK to him and find out his intentions. Does he need time to process or is this how he is going to be. The LEAST you can do for your son is to not put him in those situations. Now if your bf is doing this intentionally, you need to kick him to the curb and get a custody agreement for the other child. Please do NOT lie to keep a man or use a child as a pawn!
Theirs no “Convincing” anybody, here. He has to choose to, if he wants to. I’m sorry this all happened but you know that if your toddler is broken then your bf or ex, is broken too 
his world just shattered too just like your sons & his old enough to understand. Give him time & space. You can’t convince him to help raise a child that isn’t his. I really hope he comes around. You should also try looking for your sons biological father & reach out to him & let him kno about your son? Maybs hell can step up for his biological son son? Maybe he’d be the father your son really does need 
I hope things get better & easier for your poor baby
Wow you want to convince him to play nice and let the real daddy off the hook. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Should have been honest from the gate.
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what did you think would happen ?
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What a disaster you’ve created. And now seems like you want your ex to be the bad guy. Nope. It’s you.
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Why is this man still your boyfriend?
Give him time. He may come around, he may not. He feels lied to and imagine loving a baby and then finding out he isn’t yours. The first thought going through my mind would be, Now he can be taken because I have no rights. What happens if his bio parent comes back into his life. Will he grow up to hate me because I’m not his “real” parent. Just saying. But as of now, I would suggest when he comes to get your daughter, get your son excited to do special mom and son time. Go to the park right after your daughter leaves, or to the store if he enjoys it, a zoo, a pet store to look at the animals, splash pad etc. Redirect him. He will still have trouble with it, but he won’t understand till he’s older so for now he needs to have his mind taken off it. The more you do that, the easier it should get for him.
Unfortunately you can’t force him to do anything with the child that isn’t his. It’s horrible for the little boy but there’s sadly nothing you can do about it if he doesn’t wish to see him.
Honestly you should have been honest from the start but he may need time but he still should not neglect a child that’s not acceptable. Be mad or upset at you not the child.
So did she just now tell the boyfriend or has he none all along that the possibility was there? That kinda matters.
Prayers for your ex boyfriend and you Amene
He probably feels broken… finding out that a little boy he thought was his, is not. I’d say he needs time. It’s a shitty situation for everyone involved. I feel really sorry for your son. I also feel bad for the boyfriend. I’d give it time and maybe try to distract your son when he comes to get y’all’s daughter so he doesn’t know…you could do something special with your son while he has your daughter so instead of it being an upsetting time for him, it could be an exciting one cause he gets to do something fun with mom.
Your child is young and has a real father. Who isn’t even aware that he exists. Find his dad and your problem is solved. What he knew is what was and what is now is what is. You are the one that needs to help your child adjust to the new normal. Find his father, even if you gotta make yourself look bad in the process
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I mean he doesn’t have to but that makes him a shitty person since he’s raised the babe
Yea it’s definitely a shitty thing for him to do but you can’t make him do anything. The child isn’t his so he has a right to do whatever he wants or doesn’t want.
Did he KNOW he could not be his son? If no, I would be upset too. BUT I don’t think I could take it out on the child. But with that being said, he isn’t his biological kid. He doesn’t owe him anything. It’s his choice, and by the sounds of it, can’t handle that he isn’t his dad. You can’t force someone to be in your sons life. It’s best to just leave it alone (in my opinion) he’s showed he doesn’t wanna be involved. Talk to your son (age appropriate) and just explain to him. I’m sorry you’re going through that. That can’t be easy for anyone involved. Maybe his bio dad (I don’t know the situation with that obviously) can grow a relationship with him?
I feel like If you were dishonest from the get go and didn’t tell him there may be a chance he wasn’t his then yes it’s all on you definitely and I do feel sorry for your son, I don’t see why a paternity test wouldn’t have been done until his toddler years other than that probability.Maybe you’ll get lucky and after some time he will still want to be there but he doesn’t have to be and it’s understandable he’s probably hurting too if he cared about your son like his own for years, if he’s thought he was his for a few years that’s a huge betrayal, I’d still try to see if you can locate the random, look up his first name if that’s all you know and city/state on Facebook and scroll all through the profiles or see if anybody you know might know him because he has a right to know too in the case he wants to be in your sons life
Don’t try and convince him. If he doesn’t want to be apart of his life knowing this then you don’t want him involved. Yes it sucks for your son right now but in time he will get over it and when he is older you can explain it more to him if he has questions.
So many unanswered questions. Were you not up front with him when you got back together? Did he think that child was his? Like did he just find out and you’ve been hiding it this whole time? If the answer is yes to any of these….your fault. Your child now has to suffer the consequences of your actions.
I would be utterly embarrassed to even ask for advice on such a topic she can’t truly be serious
Can I firstly say you are not wrong!! Ye were not together it happened… your Boyf is upset and pissed off he taught he had 2 kids but that shouldn’t stop him loving your son his being his daddy sinse day 1 it sounds like a cop out on his part for some reason … there is no way to move forward unless your boyf actually wants to be a family … because even tho you weren’t together you are always going to be the 1 in the wrong here … your poor son
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No. He is well within his right. You fucked up, it is now your responsibility and the “random someone”to make it right with your son and heal that little boy’s heart. And don’t forget, your boyfriend’s heart is broken too. That’s hard news to handle. Smh.
It’s not his responsibility but I think it’s pretty crappy that he wants nothing to do with the kid he helped raise. Yes it is your fault for not telling him. You should have been honest with him from the beginning. This is the risk you took and he can do that. I however think it’s really awful for him to completely cut him out of his life. You can’t convince him to do anything but he is a POS for doing that. Hopefully he comes around and can at least mend & keep a relationship with him.
Your focus should be on your son. Maybe find his real father and discuss the situation with him.
I split up with my children’s father three years ago, had a baby with someone else and worked things out with my children’s father. He loves my daughter like our own children. Someone said blood don’t make family, it sure doesn’t. Give that man some time and space. Let gim be a father to your daughter but you should find ways to deal with the sadness it brings your son. Maybe plan things for when your daughter leaves. If your son is crying and watching her go with dad, he needs distraction. That could lead to some trauma down the line. It’s your job to take care of that baby boy and his mental health. He belongs to you. Do what you can for both children and allow him space.
If you guys were broken up and you mentioned you were with someone else that’s the Guys fault blood don’t make you family. If he really cared he’d love both kids equally. He may feel hurt and backstabbed but over all it’s your guys issues not the child’s.
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Lol he isn’t the dad. He owes your child nothing and you cant make him be involved on a child thats not his. why don’t you go find his real father 
. This is excalty why men don’t want to date women with kids because yall try to pin yalls kids on them… don’t ruin it for the rest of us go find your real child’s father and leave it alone with him. All he needs to take care of is HIS DAUGHTER
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Omg some people have obviously never heard the saying if you having nothing nice to say say nothing at all. This women has asked for advice not blame. I’m pretty sure she already feels terrible without all you negative Nelly’s telling her it’s her fault.
I hope your son finds a way to cope. End of the day it’s your boyfriend’s loss not your childs. I think he’s pretty guttless in my opinion to make your poor son miss out because he has an issue with it.
When you say random guy does this mean you don’t know him at all? Where he lives, his name etc. Why not find the child’s father and allow him to be his dad. I think your boyfriend is perfectly within his right to be upset and angry. You made a choice to sleep with a random person and it’s his choice to either deal or not deal with the consequences of your actions. Let him decide.
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He is well within his right not to want to play daddy to a child that isn’t his. You need to think about if you want to be with a man who treats your children differently.
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You shouldn’t have been…
Find Jesus. How incredibly selfish of you.
What a shame.
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You can’t force him to parent a child that’s not his. That’s messed up if he had no idea this was the case until now. Why didn’t you say something right away?
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First he needs space. While the child doesn’t understand why he is no longer wanted, I would tell my child it’s mommy and me time and do some extra fun things while my other child is away. Maybe build a fort under the dining room table, fall asleep in the living room with popcorn, snacks, and fluffy blankets, etc.
Don’t force family/friends on your child. If anyone rejected my child I would not want my child anywhere near that person. Build up your child. Explain he his now loved differently not less. At the end of the day my kids are my responsibility. If any man did that my child I would say don’t let the door hit you on the ass. I know you share a child with that man but he can go kick rocks. He can pissed at you, but not the child. No child asks for the situation they are in when they are rejected by any adult.
did he know that you slept with someone else when the 2 of you was “broke up” dont know the details of that situation but if he thought that child was his and now he knows he isn’t the father he has no obligation whatsoever that’s on you
Why would someone laugh react at this? I hate the internet.
The man is hurting really bad inside and trust me he’s hurting more walking away like that. Give him time to heal he will come back around
I guess that’s why they tell you to practice safe sex lol
Is this for real if so girl find that boys dad so he can have daddy time .
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Keep yo legs closed girl.
Some of these comments r just flat out rude n shameful!! The reason ppl r scared to ask for help or guidance. how very sad yall must be to b so hurtful yikes.
He has every right not to spend time with that child. Trying to convince someone is not the way to have any relationship happen. Maybe give him time since that is the ultimate heartbreaking news someone could possibly receive
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I don’t see this as any different than getting into a relationship with someone with kids… you accept their kids along with them.
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It’s always the kids that get hurt. So sad
If he is your boyfriend now an choose to go back in relationship with you after he new the baby would be there then he needs to act accordingly an a grown up , poor baby , will cause so much issues between children to , he made the choice he can’t just blank the child out it’s not a dog ! If he can’t handle him then he needs to leave for baby sake an all of your sakes actually , if you continue to let this go on that baby will be damaged xxx
If He DIDN’T Want My SON…HE WOULD NOT BE LIVING UNDER MY ROOF…PERIOD
You can’t get mad at him for not wanting to raise someone else’s child as shitty as it is to treat an innocent child that way. Im Sure he’s probably devastated and angry and it’s probably gonna take time for him to wrap his head around this whole situation but he’s not the child’s father I suggest you go in contact the child’s father and get him involved he’s the one that needs to take care of his child. But I think the guy needs to grow up and think about this child’s feelings as well and realize what hes doing to this kid Is wrong. He doesn’t understand any of this he’s just wondering why daddy doesn’t want to have anything to do with him
Just maybe with luck u could do an online dna kit if they still have them a friend did it glad they did
What can you do, it’s not his child and he has the right to do it! If you gonna have a break baby then be prepared for the percussions. Then you slept with some random dude 
girl !
If he’s not going to care about that little boys feelings then he’s a POS 100%. I get that he’s upset with you but he shouldn’t be breaking that little boys heart.
your fault,actions have consequences,the real daddy needs to own up
Sorry but you can’t make him!
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If the child is a toddler and you never disclosed that there was a possibility the child wasn’t his thats wrong no Yuu didn’t cheat but when ya did the math n knew ya slept with someone else in the time period you definitely should if told the guy it may not be his so atleast at birth he could of found out …I totally understand his betrayed feelings you let him bond knowing it may not be his …unless this man has a heart of gold I’d say it’s probably over