Truthfully you should tell the baby real dad that he has a son maybe then baby daddy will step up and be a father to his real son
You can’t make him do anything for a child that isnt his. It’s really messed up but he’s hurt and hurt deeply. Imagine the betrayal he’s feeling. You should have told him there was a possibility that another man was the father when you got back together. Now your child is going to suffer. I’m not going to blame you like everyone else is because I’m sure you just did what you thought was best at that time. It sounds like it’s been years since you had the baby so that’s a long time to be the only father a kid has just to walk away because he’s hurt. I personally would have too much invested and attached to that child to do what he’s doing now but it is in all reality up to him to do what he wants. It’s messed up but it’s his choice.
You’ll have to give him time overall. Can’t blame him for not spending time, it’s not his kid. Did you inform him it wasn’t his kid from the beginning or later?
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Well, you created the situation…and sounds like you didn’t tell him until recently….soooo…
How about you find the child’s real father so he can have a dad…FFS…you can’t force him to if he won’t/doesn’t want to.
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So you thought you would lie about this until when?
poor babies caught up in this…
Life is teaching you a hard lesson, hope you don’t forget it ever.
What a piece of 
. You are better off without him.
i feel for this boy and it breaks my heart but it’s to be expected of him to either stay around as a father figure or walk away , surley you’d have to have given this some thought ?
you can’t convince him suck it up and reap what you sow 
If he knew the child wasn’t his and was being his dad then he’d 1000% be in the wrong but his own worlds just been crushed because of deception. Is it fair that your sons hurt? Not at all it’s not his fault he’s an innocent child but the man is entitled to his feelings.
Very sad. He shouldn’t blame the child
Both of you are jerks and the child is the one who’s suffering for it.
You: why would you lie to him about something so important?? And why is he still your boyfriend when he’s being so cruel to your son?? Also, who’s the biological father of your son and does he know?
Him: if he is so hung up on DNA that he can’t keep the relationship he had with your son who he’d raised as his own then he’s got serious problems. He has every right to be mad at you but that baby is innocent.
You can’t. You know you did wrong. This is terrible the damage you done to that man and that child.
Leave his dead ass. He is proving he isn’t worth being a dad to either kid.
Consequences of you choice, so sad your son is the one who is suffering. I don’t blame him coz you should’ve let him know there is a possibility he’s not the father
Ma’am… you lied to him and your kid. He’s not dumb. He knows that if he sticks around for the kid that’s not his long enough, and you decide you want to, you could possibly take him for support.
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Have you known all along that this child wasnt his? And if you didn’t know how did you find out?
Sounds like you have hurt this man and your kid’s tremendously,not much you can do and expecting him to continue his role is very selfish…unfortunately our kids pay for our mistakes
So much to unpack here, but moving along😥
While you cannot go back and undo the Past, You need to step-up and focus on yourself and your children. Focus on healing for all three of you (this will affect your daughter, as well)
Get your son into therapy, ASAP. He could benefit from “Play Therapy”. This abandonment could haunt him for the rest of his life.
He will resent your daughter as he grows older. He will not understand the biology, but that his sister, only, is loved by their “dad” and not him.
You need to accept that your boyfriend feels betrayed & humiliated and while he works through this maze; you need to prioritize & take care of your son holistically (mentally, emotionally, physically & spiritually).
Your boyfriend is obviously not mature enough to put your sons’ welfare before his own. It takes great wisdom, compassion and maturity to step into such responsibility.
Please do not hope & wait for you boyfriend to “come around”. Step up, take responsibility and get your Kiddo’s the counselling and therapy they need, Asap!
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He shouldnt be your boyfriend then.
It’s not right of you to expect him to take care of another mans baby especially since you probably convinced him he was his
Not his baby not his problem harsh reality
Im curious did you tell him this was a possibility during pregnancy or wait until after he bonded with the son to tell him either way this is such ashame for the son you need to not worry about your bf at the moment and find your son’s Dad he deserves that chance
Problems between adults(Yall two) should stay between the two of you. The kid is not at fault for any of it. And doesn’t have the mental maturity to understand what going on. He only sees your boyfriend as his dad and nothing else matter after that. Your boyfriend needs to grow a pair and resolve the issue with you directly and leave the kid out of it. Treating the kid like he doesn’t exist out of nowhere is messing with the kid in all kinds of way. Not right at all.
I’m curious as to why you even told him to begin with after all this time… If you don’t mind sharing that. Just wondering why keep that huge secret for so long and then now that the child is old enough to know who is “dad” to him is, dropped this bombshell. Did something happen that caused this to come out ? Things happen, I get it. Just curious what changed for you to decide to share this now instead of when he was smaller ? I feel absolutely horrible for your son. But at the same time imagine how hurt your boyfriend is right now. Expecting him to just push past that for your sons sake so he isn’t hurt is asking ALOT from him. It probably kills him just to see him. And it may get easier.
Sorry but this is on you.
Honestly I was abandoned by my dad, and 2 step dads. I vote leave it alone and help your son heal. If you force a relationship it’s only gonna get worse for everyone. Your son is literally a walking reminder of what you did. It’s shitty for your son, but at the end of the day this is all 100% on you. You’re the ONLY one that is responsible for all this. He has no obligation to keep raising a child that isn’t his. Non. Focus on healing your boy, not making more lies.
You can’t force someone to be a parent to a child that isn’t theirs
My heart just broke for that kid no kid should ever have to go threw that
Your boyfriend should grow up because it’s not the child fault work it out with your boyfriend before you even allow your son anywhere near him. Children should never have to pay for the sins of the parents.
You should have been up front when you guys got back together, I am not saying this meany but you where only thinking of yourself and unfortunately now your son will pay the price🥺 you should have been a woman about it and told the truth before you guys got back together you where not fair to either of them boyfriend/baby you broke both of their hearts. Hopefully he is just mad and heartbroken and maybe when it calms down he will feel different about the son. Sorry but you did what was better for you at the time and now its blown up in your face now. I feel so sorry for your son and boyfriend
I’m going to be the odd ball out here and answer your question How to help your son . First thing I would do is when you know dad is going to be coming around to pick up his daughter then you make arrangements to have grandma grandpa aunt uncle someone you trust take your son out of the situation take him to the park or on a walk he will not react if he isn’t there to react . Also you need to sit your son down and explain to him that mommy made a boo boo and explain in his terms that daddy isn’t daddy but he still lives him because I’m sure the not dad is in pain and is heartbroken as well he probably hasn’t processed it all yet this is a major betrayal to someone. Unfortunately you can’t make him want to continue a relationship with your son that is on him to decide on doesn’t make him bad or even heartless it makes him human all you can do is hope he can get past his pain and continue a relationship with him . 3rd you need to find the real father he deserves to know he has a child if he doesn’t know and if he does then he deserves a chance to be his father only you can do this for your son . It sucks when our babies pay the price for our poor decision making. I have no doubt that you regret what you have done or didn’t do in this situation but you can’t change the past all you can do is recover from it and grow from it and be thankful this is coming out at 2 or 3 versus 9 or 10 the likelihood he will remember this is slim if you replace with happy times what he will remember is you not doing all you could do to find and make it possible for his real father to be a father I wish you lots of luck this is coming from a 48yr old that doesn’t have a clue who my real dad is the dad I know left my mom when I was 4 but he never left me behind im still his daughter to this day just as my sister and brother are his for sure I’m definitely not but he has been my dad my entire life even after he remarried and had more kids you can only hope for this outcome for your son but my mother also made it impossible for him to keep in our lives consistently because she would up and leave state with us and it would take my dad a year or longer to find us it was horrible what she would do to keep us hidden from him and his family because she knew he could do more and better for us but she wanted the child support and welfare she got for us so don’t be that woman we still don’t have a relationship to this day I left home at 13 haven’t been back so don’t lose your son NOW IS THE TIME TO TRY TO RIGHT YOUR WRONG
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It’s sad and my heart breaks for your son… but there’s not really much you can do other than give your son extra love and help him cope the best you can and be there for him.
Maybe set boundaries that can make it easier on the little guy… maybe where he doesn’t come in the house when picking up your daughter so he doesnt have to see him… at least for a while, and make that time when his sister isn’t there y’alls special time
Understandable that he isn’t his dad, but this little guy doesn’t know that. This guy does not have a heart if you ask me.
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U need to find the real father amd introduce them,
Possibly in thr future he will still be civil with the child but he is under no obligation to do so, and with being lied to this whole time and even producing a child with you, a child that may not be here if you had been honest since the beginning. Don’t expect he just gets over it like nothing happened, that child deserves to know his real father.
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NEVER TAKE IT OUT ON THE CHILD PERIOD!! He made a bond with that child! What an asshole…talk to your little boy, in words he’ll understand…you dont want your ex to do this every time he gets mad at you…he shouldn’t come in & out of his life EVER…NO MATTER WHAT…HE’S a GROWN MAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
How tragic. So sorry for your baby.
Everyone being so mean, I personally think the boyfriends a POS. You love that child and just can throw him away cuz he’s not “yours.” That’s shameful.
Is your fault figure it out should have told him early on… can’t hide the truth it always comes to light and now you and the kid are suffering
You can only tell the child the now ex is not his real dad. And help him through this.
Okay . No shame you were split up and slept with someone else. My thing is … you didn’t question the paternity from the getgo ???
I feel like If you’d of been upfront from the beginning. Then he would of had time to process this.
Also the bio dad should be informed. As he has all rights to be in that child’s life.
I’m just sorry for the conversation. You’re going to have with your son when he’s older .
This is kinda your fault and you can’t force him to be a father period especially to a child that isn’t his! You should of found out in the beginning if he was the father or not instead of putting your innocent child through this who doesn’t understand why who he now thinks his dad is being mean to him cause that’s the poor baby’s prospective now. Smh. Find your child’s real father but don’t get your hopes up with that either I have a child who’s real dad doesn’t want anything to do with him so this situation can happen regardless 
Anyone who can do that to a child is so beyond a terrible person. He needs to man up have him sit down with the kid and tell him his self. If he can do that HAVE NOT ONE THING TO DO WITH HIM. THAT US DISGUSTING
You’re 100% in the wrong. You’re really mad at the guy for leaving your ass, after you hooked up with a random during a break. Then when you’re pregnant, you don’t tell him that he may not be the father. You let him raise this boy as his own, just to find out that he is, in fact, not the father. Of course he left you. What else is he supposed to do? The consequences of your actions.
Foolish woman not protecting herself and it’s always the innocent children that suffer!!! That man is a heartless jerk though- how can you just walk out!!!
Did he know ? Or did u make it like he was the child father
How old is said child
Feel for guy and child
U need find som REAL daddy
BF ain’t needed to do out FOR YOUR SON
HE IS HURT AND BETRAYED SEEIN SAID CHILD WIL B KILLIN HIM ethier way ALL ON YOU SHOULD OF BEEN HONEST ABOUT THIS UPFRONT
If you knew it was a possibility, you should have gotten a DNA at time of birth. I know shit happens, but this is your fault. Not his.
You can’t convince him. You can only be strong for your son. I recommend therapy for the whole family. You don’t want your kids resenting each other. Is the random really a random?
Some men are aholes and only he can choose to change himself, so sorry you’re going through this, watching our little ones hurt is the worst, give your little guy all the extra love you can, this will be hard but it will pass, give him some time he may come back around once he gets over feeling betrayed, I mean more than likely he was checking someone else’s oil while ya’ll were split up as well, still its a big blow to the ego to find out a child isn’t yours, give him space and don’t bring it up at all to him for a while (the ex) and hopefully once he gets past the anger and hurt things will change, maybe they won’t either way reassure your boy that he will always have you no matter what and that he did nothing wrong and adults go through a lot of things that sometimes make them act weird. You know the ex pretty well I’m sure so is he the kind to hold grudges and stay mad for a long time or just cut someone off forever ? His past behavior should give you some good clues to how he’ll respond once the anger passes. Best of luck to you and yours
Lose the damn man. Sorry but if my SO did that I wouldn’t deal with it at all.
If you were upfront after getting back together and told him there is a chance he is not the Father… then he is being a really shitty person right now. If you were deceitful and let this man think he was the only possible father, then you ma’am, are the WHOLE damn issue here. I’m guessing the second option is how things went… get your son some therapy so this isn’t a situation that affects his whole upbringing. My heart hurts for the child and ex. Imagine thinking a child was yours only to find out you were dooped…
Poor kid bc you’re a liar… lol congratulations.
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Nah, that’s your son, he’s young enough to get used to being without him. That man is not responsible in any way for your son, esp given the situation 
I suggest you stop sleeping around and take care of your son. Very sad
Let him go. He showed his true colors. I never understood why women don’t use birth control and insist men do same. Don’t give me that crap about bc not effective . It is if you use it. I mean if you’re gonna whore around during a break up .
He’s not responsible you fucked up … Find the child’s real dad he has no obligation
In the eyes of the court he is the father
Take him to court if he’s going to be an a$$
Why would you allow your Toddler to even be around when someone he THOUGHT was his Dad comes over to pick up his Sister.
I would be giving that little boy extra attention and figuring out how to confront his real Dad and attempt to establish a relationship between them if possible.
As for the Ex, he sounds like a lame ass dude anyways because he is not considering the little boys feelings in all of this…He isn’t a real parent. No good Father would ever act like that in front of the kids.
What a bag of dicks! Horrible human being!
How old is the toddler? My son has zero memory at all not even one single one of his dad and me being married, we split when he was 18 months so he’s only ever known us apart. My point is while your son is upset now he will likely forget about it. Sounds like you have no problems moving on so I bet he’ll end up having another father figure soon. Your boyfriend is not in the wrong nor is he at fault. If your child was a teenager or something that’s different because it would have been a long standing relationship. You should have been honest with your boyfriend from the beginning of the pregnancy, you may have gotten a different outcome but it’s too late now. Your son is too little to really be damaged by this and quite frankly I think you’re trying to use your son to manipulate your boyfriend. If you’re so concerned about your son, let your boyfriend go and focus on your son. I really think you have some nerve trying to act like a small child crying entitles you to anything when you purposely deceived your boyfriend into being a father to this kid.
You lied. He can walk away from a child that is biologically not his.
Oh what a web we weave……… get some counseling for you and you your son. Don’t just sit back feeling guilty while your son is confused and hurting. Do something to help him.
You’re fault that you slept around and not be upfront and honest with your bf that he wasn’t the father …now you’re child is paying for your stupid decisions
- Therapy for your son (and maybe you) as soon as you can possibly arrange it.
- Contact the bio dad & let him know about his son. It’s deceitful to withhold the info & not fair to him. Don’t expect anything from him, and decide if he would be a good or bad person in your son’s life if he has any interest, but tell him it should be all-in or all-out. If he’s an OK guy & willing, go for contact and/or child support. Go slowly (introduce him as a friend/acquaintance while decisions are being made) as this is very new & unsettling for bio dad & son.
- Be honest and aboveboard in the future. This is a tough life lesson—learn from it.
- Let your son spend time with other trustworthy males in your friend/family/Coach circle to help fill the void.
- Be there to let him cry, don’t minimize his distress, apologize for the situation, answer his questions truthfully. Kids pick up on and understand more than you think. REASSURE HIM THAT NONE OF THIS IS HIS FAULT because that’s every child’s default position. Let him know his feelings are valid and you hear & understand him.
- Eliminate his having to see BF when he picks up the other child. Send him to play in his room, to a neighbor, friend, park him in front of a video elsewhere during pickup, and try to anticipate arrival to eliminate doorbell or knocking sounds. Have another person pick up and drop off the daughter to eliminate any possibility of him seeing the BF. Change it up so he doesn’t figure out that every time he has to watch a video it’s when “daddy” comes for the other kid. He’ll know by her absence but at least he doesn’t have to see him leave him over and over again.
- Coddle him while he’s grieving. Let hm sleep in your bed, regress a bit, carry around a stuffy or blankie, have a pacifier, eat comfort foods, etc.
- Maybe do more fun stuff than usual—fairs, water parks, playgrounds, kid-friendly programs, etc. to distract him from his despair. Invite over any & all playmates, especially from military families where they have to live with absent or deceased parents or parents physically/mentally challenged and changed due to war.
- Ask your librarian for children’s books on grief or abandonment and similar topics to read to him as well as silly books to make him laugh again.
What an asshole!How could he do that to that child,he is a cruel and heartless man,regardless of the circumstances
Bad situation for your child and the man. No winners here. But you have explaining to do once your son is old enough.
Sucks for the kid, but you can’t make him care about a child that’s not his.
Stop making babies/ PS he a loser
You are a POS and these are the consequences to your own actions. Sleeping with somebody while you were broken up is COMPLETELY okay. However, what is NOT okay is how disgustingly dishonest you were. You immediately should have told him there was the possibility the child wasn’t his. And it seems like you KNEW he wasn’t the father. That is paternity fraud and you’re scum. Your child crying because he isn’t being picked up too is YOUR fault. He has no obligations to that child. He doesn’t owe your child shit. Not time, not money, nothing. If you want him to have a father, you better go find his real daddy.
Guys he’s NOT “punishing” the child or taking it out on him, he is choosing to take care of HIS responsibility of raising HIS child
He has every right not to be roped into taking care of some other man’s child
Her son is still a toddler so it’s up to her to teach him that’s his sister’s dad
Is it sad for little man?
ABSOLUTELY
Should this man be villainized for being hurt and betrayed?
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Honestly, he’s pissed at you so he’s taking it out on the kid. He’s a shitty person. You two were split, you don’t need to be sorry for that.
Did you tell him you slept with someone else when it happened ? Did you realise that this kid might not be his ? Why didn’t you get a paternity test when the kid was born ? If he knew there was a chance the kid wasn’t his and he just now left, that’s shitty. But if he thought the kid was hid the entire time bc you didn’t tell him, your shitty.
Either way, the kid didn’t do anything wrong and he’s a shitty person for making the kid feel unloved and abandoned.
Find your kids father and see if he wants a relationship with him. Your kid deserves a dad.
You broke this mana heart. Your choice to not to tell him when you got back together is what caused your child’s pain and his pain. This is a consequence!!
My brother was a single father for 5 years only to find out that he was not the biological father. Although this was absolutely devastating to our family, my brother ended up raising him alone. It would have been better off if my nephew never knew. It was beyond confusing. My nephew is now a 28 yr old man who adores his father. As women, our choices affect our children. Period. He is not obligated to care for your child. I’ve lived that situation and you cannot blame the man. He did nothing wrong
This is really freaking sad and happens far too often. Poor baby.
Guy view here (mean no disrespect at all I promise) but he is very hurt. I know I would be if I was in that situation. I’d really try talking to him. Have a good calm meaningful discussion and pray maybe he changes his mind. Outside looking in im not judging you things happen but it’s a tricky situation as you know.
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What you did wasn’t right but for him to turn his back on an innocent little boy and leave him crying after him says a lot about what kind of man he is. What happens when his daughter gets old enough to remember her little brother crying as they drove away and left him. Heartless. Try to find his dad and tell him the truth. You owe that to your son. Prayers for you and your children. 
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If at all possible I would see if somebody could watch your son during custody exchange. Maybe if he’s not witnessing it, it won’t be as hard.
Try to find his dad so maybe he can establish a relationship with him. If bio dad doesn’t want one you’ll just have to go from there.
Get your son in to see and talk to a professional. They can help him navigate through this difficult situation and strong emotions better than anybody else can.
Praying for you and your sweet boy!
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Did you think he’d never find out? It’s not him who is hurting the child, it’s the consequences of your actions.
Oof. Perfect example of our children suffering for our mistakes
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As sad as it is, this is your mess to clean up. At the end of the day, it’s not his child and it really isn’t his responsibility. So unfortunate.
Find the father good luck
Arrange for someone else to pick up his daughter for him. He doesn’t have to raise the boy but he sure af isn’t going traumatize him either.
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Your son is going to remember this. He’s going to have long term issues. This is honestly why I’m very strong bonded to having relations outside marriage. Old fashion I know. Yet, it saves from this. That man is removed from that scenario you created. He’s only bonding with his bio kid. I hope it works out in the end. Much love.
How can he just walk away? That child did nothing wrong. Poor kid. The heartache he must feel.
This is really sad but you can’t expect him to want to be a father to a child that isn’t his. Yes it’s shitty to do to a child but you can’t do anything about that. He needs his father in his life, and an explanation from his mother
Considering that he’s hurt, you may need to give him some time to process it.
Evil human being that would do that to any child!
for your lil boy!
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And if he’s still your bf then you need to separate. I can’t imagine being with someone who could throw a child away so easily.
You need to just give him the time he needs, he is probably very hurt and is trying to process all of it. Instead of trying to force him to be in the child’s life, try sitting down with him and talking with him. And I would definitely try finding the father as he should probably know about his child as well. I wish you truly the best.
I would say give it time but sometimes that kind of deceit is unforgivable! I say he can feel how he feels about you but the kid is a whole other story. He needs to grow a pair and be the father that the child knows and misses!
The ones laughing at this post is just horrible!!
Sit down with him and explain it as you did with everybody else.
Sad, the kid(s) always get punished… shame on him… after 7 years my husband found out that he wasn’t the biological father of his first born with his ex… she is still concerned our daughter she still has her own room at her house with her own things and she’s still more than welcome to come over whenever she wants… Of course now that she’s 16 turned 17 and has a car and a job, either houses rarely see her LOL
I had the same situation as my bf at the time we had a break and I got pregnant with someone else and then went back out with him. But ruined my life about it and then wouldn’t let my kids and I leave him. But now we’re free and don’t have to deal with him. I know I didn’t help but I have been in your shoes with getting pregnant by someone random in between being together with a bf. So your not alone or the only one and come ppl are mean and can judge you
Honestly what did you expect to happen? You say you didn’t cheat then you should have told him there was a possibility the baby wasn’t his and gave him a choice on whether he would stay or leave. You made your bed, he made his choice. Women expect a man to accept things they themselves wouldn’t accept. Ask yourself y’all took a break and you find out he made a baby during that time. Would y’all accept it? Most of y’all won’t
Wow he sounds like a real winner ,maybe cou t your blessing he is showing his real self
You need to find his real father.
Well you did this to your son
I’m not sure u can convince him to but instead when he picks up your daughter use that time to take your son somewhere cool and have mommy son time!
Maybe try get the real dad involved and get him to see his son 
… Try remember who the random guy was and track him down on fb.
Honestly, you can’t blame your other baby daddy. You did this to your child unfortunately so you need to sort it out…
I understand that it may be upsetting for the boyfriend but the kid is innocent and did nothing wrong. I know it’s hard to be the bigger person but if he’s all that kid has known he needs to do the right thing for the kid. Easier said than done I’m sure but that breaks my heart.
Did he just find out that he’s not the father? Did he know there was a possibility that it wasn’t the father?
This is why dna at birth should be mandatory…