Some background… my boyfriend and I have been together for six months. We live together, and I’m the only driver. I have one child already, and he thought he couldn’t have kids. He had a bike accident when younger and has never got anyone pregnant, nothing the doctor advised. Well, I just found out I’m expecting! He’s really excited and is thrilled about the miracle, very involved. The thing is, he grew up in an area where women trap men. His brother raised a child thinking it was his but found out the truth when the kid was 16, and his dad is very adamant about DNA testing. So my dilemma is this, he wants a paternity test. He swears he doesn’t think I cheated; he trusts me, which makes his request sound so stupid… I feel so disrespected. He said me being so upset about it and crying makes me look guilty…I have nothing to be guilty about; my tears genuinely come from a hurt heart. He fell in love with me bc I’m blunt and don’t hide things, that I give my all. He thought I’d be excited to prove it’s his that I really did get a baby out of him. I finally agreed, but my feelings are still really sour; I can’t help but keep crying.
You have to understand his feelings 2. Does it hurt yup it does but for him it may be to just calm a feeling he has ya know?
I’ve been through this with my daughter’s father. I told him he can have one anytime he wants cause I have nothing to hide. His feelings don’t dictate my truth. Just give it to him when the baby is born so the baby won’t remember it and it’ll never come up again. That’s a topic that’s bound to resurface and the last thing a child needs is to know the father doubts it’s theirs. Mine took my daughter " in secret" and did two dna tests 
both positive for his.
I get where his feelings are coming from
But I also understand yours
I wish you luck and peace after all this
Girl i get it! My boyfriend was told he could never had kids. Tried with his ex for 7 years and nothing. I ended up pregnant and he was excited. But he requested a DNA test because he thought couldn’t. I ended up miscarrying so we never got that far. A few months ago we found out it was his ex that had the fertility problems not him. Anyways i was super hurt and upset but i got it. It has nothing to do with you or his trust in you. Everything to do with what hes used to and the fact he had accepted the idea of not being able to have kids
My baby daddy went behind my back and got a DNA test on our son when I left him because “That baby don’t look like me.” it’s just a DNA test and it’ll put his mind at ease. Get the test and move passed this. At least he’ll never have to wonder if it’s his 
Just do it. You know its his. 
And you know his reasoning behind feeling the way he does.
Do the DNA test. My ex was the same had past partners say that kids were he’s when they weren’t he’s. Just do it so he knows that he’s heart is not going to be broken.
That’s just insulting. Are you sure you want to have a kid with someone like that
Give him a paternity test. If it outs his mind at ease with all that history. Do it. He’s been told by a doctor he would never be a father, I’m sure he doesn’t know what to believe.
I was about to say the same as above 1st comment…as you mentioned uou understood where he was coming from as to why he had asked so I honestly think it’s not a personal attack on yourself but just for his peace of mind and to make him feel more secure about it so there will never be that doubt arise…if I was in uour position I think what he is asking is reasonable hun…
I can see his side, being told he cant have kids and then bam! So early in a relationship and youre already expecting, no judgment at all, just seeing his side.
Also, seeing your side, many men state that they ‘cant have kids’ so i can see your frustration when asked for a DNA test.
But just for HIS piece of mind, he deserves to ask. Nothing wrong with a man wanting to be fully aware of everything, especially in this day and age.
Whether you agree or not, he has a right to a paternity test. If you’re 100% confident he’s the father, there shouldn’t be an issue.
You may be hurt but you also know that child is yours, a man does not. People we trust lie all the time. Paternity test is just verification.
I have told the father if my children that he can have one anytime…I have absolutely nothing to hide. We now have 3 beautiful children. You need to see where he is coming from too.
Do it! If there’s nothing to hide no point in fighting about it prove it to him & go about your day
It’s been 6 months hardly enough time for him to trust you without a doubt. Take the test. Ease his worries
Just do it for his sake.
Your feelings are valid.
Women have the luxury to know if the child is theirs. We carry them. Men don’t.
Would you rather be hurt now because he asked for a DNA test? Or let your child go through the pain and heartbreak because his/her own father isn’t sure if they are his?
Take the stupid test. If its his, he knows. If it isn’t well, shame on you.
I understand your feelings and I also understand his(if he truly believed he could never have children) If you have explained why you are upset and he still is attempting to make you feel guilty that’s one thing. I’d wave the results in his face like a Maury episode afterwards (but that’s just me). I’d just do it now, knowing it’s something he clearly won’t let go until he has an answer. If he continues to be upset after the results, I’d definitely say some communication needs to be done.
If you love him, and this baby, a small noninvasive test will set his mind at ease. If you refuse now, future issues will arise guaranteed. As y’all haven’t had enough time to learn each other’s expectations, it’s best to get all parenting, baby related issues out now before your baby enters an unhealthy family.
He’s full of shit about how he’s “FrOm An ArEa WhErE wOmEn TrAp MeN”, his brother raising a kid that wasn’t his, his bike accident and whatever other bullshit stories he’s told you…he’s a gaslighting manipulator. You’ve only been together six months and are already living together and having a child together? Probably a love bombing narcissist that’s going to put you through hell.
only 6 months and its like this no trust is end to a relationship
Personally but I am pretty mean, I’d ask for the relationship to take a step back, he no longer live with me, I no longer help him. I would provide the test. Then I would end the relationship or once the results came back I’d request therapy.
My bf use to joke about this when we were first together. Then I would say get it but then we’re done, because that means you think I’m not loyal.
If there’s nothing to worry about then go ahead and get it done so he can know for sure the child is his and can never deny it and have a peace of mind
Have him pay for a paternity test 
Just get the test. He has a right to squash any misgivings and since you have nothing to hide why not?! He has given you a legitimate reason why he wants one. Just tell him straight up that you feel he doesn’t trust you you feel insulted and your only doing it because he means a lot. Then move on with your life and be loving parents.
I can tell you how not getting the test will go… badly.
Get it, then leave him. Obviously he doesn’t trust you. Why be in a relationship like that?
I mean, I get it girl, that shit sucks, to feel like the father of your child doesn’t trust you enough to not want a DNA test. But kinda try to see it from his point of view, you KNOW that baby is yours 100% without a doubt because it’s straight up in your body, I think he just kinda wants to be that ensured too.
I would agree just to ease his mind. He has a bad past experience close to home and it makes sense especially when he straight up tells you he doesn’t think you cheated. You’ve also got to take his thoughts and feelings into consideran here (though I’m sure it’s so hard pregnancy hormones and trust).
You know the baby is his so it’s not like something will come unexpectedly from this other than his peace of mind. Just once it’s been done and y’all have the results showing exactly what you’ve said which is the child is his, sit him down and explain to him your feelings and thoughts.
No negative on either end. I know it hurts your feelings- been there and felt hurt, just know deep down that he isn’t accusing you of anything and this literally is just something to reassure him that this baby is part of him and nothing can take that from him.
He has the right to the test. It sounds like it’s more his family & not him. If he wants it he pays for it. If he doesn’t have the money & his family wants it, they pay for it. Not you.
Get it. He has a right to know 100 percent. You shouldn’t be mad and the amount of women on this post saying they would be and they’d take a step back is insane. This guy gave a good reason.
Take the test. If you have nothing to hide then you have the vindication of being proven right. If not then…well there ya go…
I see both sides but I see his more … He literally went thru life thinking he couldn’t have children so this is more than likely a huge shock to him and he doesn’t wanna get too excited for it to come crashing down … Not saying he isn’t the daddy but just put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself how you would feel and react … Pride is a strong mfr sometimes … If you love him put his mind at ease and show him what you already know … Wish y’all the best and congrats
I would be furious and feel very disrespected. I am so so sorry.
I’d get the test then leave.
You have nothing to hide take the test an grant his wishes make the man happy ffs
Just do it. I think he is just doing it to keep his dad quiet. I don’t blame the dad I’m sure he was heartbroken when he found out his grandson wasn’t his and doesn’t want to go through that again.
Girl. Have them pay for the DNA test. I mean if I was ever in your situation, I would be mad, and the added hormones from the pregnancy would make it worse. But if you’re 100% about him being the father, use that knowledge and when the results come in, literally throw it in their faces and demand an apology.
When would you take the test? I believe prenatal paternity tests are quite expensive. If he signs the birth certificate then it doesn’t really matter, unless he would contest it later. Personally I’d do it, and make it fun and silly!
I would let him pay for the test and then end it!
He has gone into the relationship NOT trusting you! If you haven’t given him any reason not to trust you then he has serious issues!
I’d do it just to put his mind at ease. I completely get why he’s like that when it happened to his brother so I’d just get it over with. However I also understand why you’re upset about it. Having to suffer the consequence of someone you probably don’t even knows lie isn’t easy to process at all! His comment about you looking guilty to him because you’re crying is pretty effed up to say the least & especially if you know you’re telling the truth and he’s relying on a test in order to fully believe you.
Personally I would not be mad. It is just to put his mind at ease and if you dont have any worries I dont see the big deal. He seems excited and happy but just needs a final assurance for himself due to what ever experiences. I honestly dont see a big deal there. I can see how it may hurt your feelings, but he obviously has some insecurities from his own experiences. Do it and be done with it. It’s a simple process and its done!
His family has been hurt in the past. And I know cause a ex claimed she had a daughter by my son and I got so attached and then she Jerked her away from me. She would never commit to a dna even tho she said she would she avoided it. My son now has twin sons and she won’t let us see her or get a test. But a back story is she has claimed several men to be father of this girl. So just for piece of mind for no one else but the grand parents just do it. Assure them they have nothin to worry about and hand them the test to do.
I felt the same way with my bd. I actually hated him for a long time and cried when my daughter and I went to get our mouths swabbed. I made him apologize to me and we moved on when the test came back positive. It’s annoying but I’d just have him pay for it, and just get it over with.
My man and i were together for 7 yrs before getting pregnant and he was offered a DNA test at birth…I told him it was up to him…but given the PTSD that resides within his family, I kinda understand it…
Up to you what you wanna do but I wouldn’t hold it against him too much…sounds like he just wants to shut up his family…
I say Do it. If he says he trusts you, that you didn’t cheat, then it’s probably his family and not him. And even then probably because it’s only been six months, and what happened to his brother, his family is probably just trying to look out for him. And I get it, but I also get being upset because you just wanna be happy about the baby. Just have a talk with him, and I hope it all works out for you.
Honestly, it’s a good thing! You both are protected that way! If you guys break up you can’t try to take his kid and he can’t claim it’s not his! My advice, get the test and get a custody/child support agreement in place while you love each other in case, at some point, you hate each other! Protect yourself, your man, and your baby! 
I think you should get the test. It sounds like he really loves you. He is being honest.
Say sure I’ll give you a paternity test, but I’ll need you to notify me of your address for child support paperwork
It is insulting. Ask him how many times you are expected to be insulted by his insecurities? Sounds like you are with a baby instead of a man
I see both sides. Id be hurt too but if thats the type of thing he grew up around can you really blame him?
I’d just do the test. It’s not really something to worry about if there’s no doubt.
This happened to me with our first. Been together 11 years. Since teenagers. His mama said she wanted dna cause of the same issue with his older brother…i was mad like how could u when im here everyday. I didnt do hoe shit. But after baby was born they didnt ask for one. I have since had 2kids and one on the way. And u can tell my kids are his. Baby i could careless if they wanted a dna test now. Go right ahead. I know whats what. So dont trip about it. Let them get a paternity. Its only a big deal if u got some to hide. They can pay for it. If u know u know.
Girl, I feel ya. My husband, boyfriend at the time asked for a paternity test with our first. We have a past…he would step out on me. I have never been the cheater. Long story short, I got so mad and so offended. Your feelings at valid, it sounds like his are too. We didn’t end up getting the test. Our boy was born with his daddies creepy feet and he couldn’t deny anything.
I think you should do it. His parents are probably pressuring him to get a test done. Just get it over with so it’s not an issue later on.
Mothers already know that a child is there’s. Give a dad that same comfort 
Listen, if I could afford a DNA test on all 3 of my kids just to shut my mother in law and sister in laws mouth once and for all, I would do it. They are constantly telling people my husband doesn’t father my kids. They try to back these claims by the fact that as infants two of our children had/have blonde hair. Which I also had until I was at least 4 and my husband’s family has several with blonde hair, including their grandfather (immediate family). If you do this now, you have the ability to stop these ridiculous rumors in their tracks and I don’t know an honest woman who wouldn’t want to do that.
Normally I would say dickerson move without at least a rumor involved, but between thinking that it being medically impossible, the environment he grew up in AND a close family exhibit A, I would say to try to see it from HIS perspective and what YOU would do if YOU were in HIS shoes with HIS personal history, cut him some slack and just get the damned test.
If you have nothing to hide just give the man what he wants. My ex also wanted a paternity test and well…I knew the child was his so I gave him the test. He deserves it.
Even if you’re in a good committed relationship and he’s excited about the baby I asked you what is the problem with him wanting to verify with a DNA test that it is his child? Especially when you know the history of someone else taking advantage of his brother and making him believe the child was his when it really wasn’t. Don’t over react to this don’t take it personal it is his right to verify if it is his child. You know you’re the mother because you carry the child men only go off of what we tell them. If you don’t have anything to hide I don’t see what the big deal is. As a matter of fact you can find out who the father is as early as 10 weeks into the pregnancy by a simple blood test that is drawn from you you just have to find a DNA place that offers that.
It’s hurtful to find out someone can think of you like that but if there’s nothing to hide then why not just do it and get it done and over with.
If you ain’t got nothing to hide then do the test it ain’t nothing derogatory or anything because you said from his background his brother was trapped so probably he’s having PTSD from all that and doesn’t want to fall into the same situation if you understand then you understand and it would be no issue giving him a simple DNA test where they just swab the inside of the kids mouth and his mouth in your mouth and then it’s done and over with if you have nothing to hide then it’s no big deal
Just get the test & prove the idiot wrong 
& if he really insists make him pay for it
I would do it, that way theres nothing to hide and everything is out in the open. Sure it hurts but his feelings should be validated too. You didnt cheat and he wants to make sure hes raising his own kid. Win win
I’ve been this guy. Prior to my wife and child I dated a girl briefly and turned out she was pregnant. I knew deep down it wasn’t mine and paid out of pocket for a paternity test. While waiting for the results, her and her family treated me like absolute garbage and were talking about how she’s going to stop working, stay at home, go to school, etc but they didn’t want us to keep dating. Results came back not mine. Fast forward to my wife, she got pregnant, gave birth, he didn’t really look like me. I trusted her but the scars of my past were giving me major anxiety, practically couldn’t focus. I loved my son to death but it was eating at me every day. My wife knew my past and completely understood where I was coming from. She was happy to help me through my mental struggle and we gladly did a paternity test. Obviously it came back as I am the father but it really helped close those scars for good. Never discount someone’s past just because the internet tells you to leave him or be horrible towards him. Not everything men do is negative or ill willed.
Y’all have only been together for 6 months and he’s spent his a big part of his life thinking he was sterile. I don’t think a peace of mind is too much to be asking for. I would look at it from his point of view for sure!
He told you he had no concerns though! He believes it is his. Nobody knows what the future holds, this could be a good thing !
I know my opinion differs but I’m looking at what you said. Its common in that area, he thinks he’s sterile, and his own brother was deceived for 16 years. Honestly I don’t think it’s asking too much.
Unpopular opinion: your insecurity shows in your anger towards this, just as his insecurity shows in his need for the test.
See… I’m petty. I’d say okay I’ll get the test… And when it comes back his tell him he can keep his ass out of the hospital room for not trusting me.
I’ve delivered 3 babies so… Doing it alone ain’t no big deal to me. at that point my trust in him would be bruised and so he can see his baby when I’m ready.
Seems you are both rather promiscuous with see, and six months is a short span. Paternity test may benefit you down the road when u are looking for child support.
Tell him to pay for it. Forgive him his insecurities and prove to him it’s his. If you can reassure him on something this big it’ll build his trust in you while raising your child together.
Personal I don’t find it insulting because it is a life time commitment and not saying you cheated or anything, but would 100% take any doubt away I told my husband he can DNA test our kids so there were no question it was his its not a trust thing especially if he thought he was never going to have kids but I do understand how u feel insulted and he probably doesn’t want to go through what his brother did you can get a DNA test at Walmart or Walgreens it won’t hold up in court but it gives him his answer
I would be really hurt too honestly but unfortunately there are some terrible women out there who cheat and trick men all of the time. I would just do it if you have nothing to hide why not just do it? Ya know? It happened to someone I know too.
I’d feel very disrespected too but I’d take the test and then let him feel like an asshole for questioning my loyalty.
I’d tell him to go get a fertility test done first. If he can prove he had lowered fertility, then maybe. But when a doctor tells him his swimmers are just fine maybe he will believe you.
I’ve also told my SO, that if he felt a paternity test was needed for our three kids, then the relationship is already over. Because if we don’t have trust, then we don’t have a foundation for a real relationship anyways. I would not stand for being accused of cheating.
Take the test. But continue the conversation on why it hurts you.
I would interpret it as piece of mind for him. No offense to you or the relationship but he has some experience with these certain situations turning out the wrong way and the perception that he can’t have children only intensifies this feelings. Neither of you can control his past but you’re involved and invested in him so this is what you have to deal with. I would just do it so he can see that there’s nothing to worry about and you both can rest easy… otherwise it could be a constant issue and cause conflict in the future. Imo🤷♀️
Personally… I would have it done, and very triumphantly throw it in his face when the results come back. I’d be pretty petty about it on occasion too. But also, try to see if a little from his side. If he thought he was sterile, and you guys have only been together 6 months, AND he has personally seen a lot of cases of the woman lying about paternity… I could see how he’s a little skeptical. Just have it done; if you know how it will come back you have nothing to lose.
Tell him to grow the fuck up and make his own decisions. If he trusts you then he needs to tell his dad to f off
Just do it. Give him peace of mind.
Stuff that, to me there is so many red flags! Naccarsist and controlling
If he has a history of being around women trapping men, and he thought he was sterile, why would you deny him that knowledge of being 100% that it’s his? You are showing your insecurities by being hurt but he’s also showing his by needing a test. Do the test. It’s his right. Any father has a right to know 100% if there’s even a .001% doubt
Sweetie no sweat just do it and when he finds out he is the father tell him he has to take you anywhere you want to go plus baby shopping 
don’t let it get you down congratulations and good luck 
My 2 cents, I would do it. For one, you have enough hormones going through your body bc of the pregnancy that this is just adding unnecessary stress on you. For two, you know it’s his bc well you know but a 6 month relationship to a guy who hasn’t gotten anyone else pregnant and all of a sudden Poof your gonna be a daddy could feel a little fishy. For 3, this will never have to come up again once you put his mind at ease or his parents too bc trust me, you’ll have other issues to have to deal with with in-laws, this doesn’t need to be one. Lastly, if he says he loves you like he does and you love him, a DNA test isn’t that big of a deal. The big deal things you should discuss is how you think raising a child should be like and his view, is religion going to be an issue? When his parents put their 2 , 3, 4 cents in bc they will, you two have final say. Spanking or no spanking, yes it still happens. I personally did the tap on the hand and I never spoke to her in baby talk, when she did something wrong I told her why it was wrong. These are things you should be worrying about bc most new parents don’t do this and it can sometimes put a divide in the relationship.
Oh and crying in your first and second trimester is so NORMAL, I did it. Even got to the point that I felt so alone and my husband was only in the next room lol. Pregnancy mind and heart goes through so many weird and amazing stages.
I hope you figure this out abs good luck.
6 months is short. There isn’t really a foundation there. If you understand his reasoning just do it and let it be out of the way so he doesn’t have to wonder. I totally understand why you feel like you do, just try to remember this is a new relationship still.
So from my own experience me and my fiance now have been on and off for 9 years weve been going strong three years now and before I had slept with another guy with condoms before me and my guy got back together and got pregnant everyone told him it wasnt his because of this, well I told him that if he wanted a test I’d do it hands down cause I knew for a fact it was his, we did the test came back he was the dad and now we are going strong parenting together. No matter how short or long a relationship is he has a right to know if he feels that way. I know it may hurt but honestly look at it this way if hes telling you his feelings hes being open to you after 6 months. I’d be more open to expressing how you feel about that but still go through with the test it will help build the relationship
I honestly think that DNA testing should be the norm, if my husband asked I would gladly comply because why not. It’s like the doctor asking for any other test to check something, I don’t see what’s so wrong. DNA should be required before any man’s name is put on a birth certificate married or not.
Why are you so upset about it. Simple solution. Take a DNA test and call it a day. I mean his had a valid reason
I don’t see an issue with giving him the paternity test. We a mothers know 100% that the children we have are ours. Men don’t get that luxury. If it bothers you just talk with him. Also tell him he’s paying for it and owes you a massage and a special night of pampering when the results come back that the baby is his. I offered my children’s fathers DNA test for each child I asked while I was pregnant and for the last time in the hospital even when we were married that way there was no denying my babies later on.
I know it feels like an accusation as a woman. I sympathize with your feelings. However look at it from a male point of view. He’s about to be invested emotionally & financially in this baby. We know our children are ours. Men have to take the woman’s word for it or risk offending her. I know women who lied to men. It’s an unfair trap. Since you know 100% it’s his baby what harm is there in letting him be 100% too? Why would you want to deprive him of that? I agree you being upset by this simple request makes you look stupid. Just spit on the stick & let them swab baby’s mouth.
I feel like any man has the right to ask for a dna test. Not only does it give them the security of knowing without a doubt that the baby actually is his but it helps unmarried men establish there rights to the child which is a must because these days mothers automatically have all the rights and fathers have non unless they go to court.
Just do it I mean 
he doesn’t think he can have kids so that’s well enough reason to do it and 2 y’all haven’t been together for a long time not saying to be rude but I mean that could be a reason why his family could be questioning it to because of him not being able to have kids and him not knowing you that long it might hurt some but in long run better to do for sake of the child so the child doesn’t get pushed away because of people wondering if the child is his it’s about the child not you right now and the man has every right to not have questions hisself so just do it
I could understand the hurt if you had been together for years. However, you said it has only been 6 months so you are being a bit ridiculous with crying about it. If it was me I would be like no problem whatever you need. He isn’t trying to be mean or skirt his responsibility by asking so get over yourself.
if you’re not cheating and you know for a fact that that baby is his it shouldn’t be anything that upsets you. crying and reacting badly to him asking you to do that just shows him you might be pregnant with someone else’s kid and you know it but you’re unsure. put yourself in his shoes, as becoming parents is terrifying for anybody.
I don’t see an issue. I get you’re upset because your hormones are raging at the moment but his reasonings aren’t invalid for asking for paternity test. Being you two have only been together for 6 months and on top of him thinking he couldn’t have kids and then his brother’s experience.
Just give it to him.
My husband got a vasectomy almost 10 years ago and I am currently 8 months pregnant. I was also on the IUD Paragard. I know 100% I was faithful to him and only him, but I asked him if he wanted a paternity test because we are literally having a miracle baby.