My boyfriend wants me to move in with him after a year of dating. I’ll be moving 45 minutes away from my family, 45 minutes farther from my custody drop-off location that’s already 2 hours away currently, giving up everything I built here, but nothing changes for him. He has elders he helps care for (take out trash/bring in groceries/basic stuff), but they could easily afford to pay someone to help do those few things. This comes after a nine-year relationship where I was kept away from my family by my abuser, and I was able to come home 2.5 years ago. If he moves here, we would both have to drive to his elders to help if they don’t hire help, and he wouldn’t get to pick his kid after school (which he hardly ever does anyway). He says he will drive me to the custody spot because my car won’t last long and that he wants to help me get custody back from my abuser (long story dirty court system). He says moving should be convenient for everyone, but how is it convenient if I’m the one making all the changes? At this point, I don’t know what to do. I love this man so much, but this whole situation is giving me so much anxiety that I haven’t eaten in days. I don’t know if I only see my side because I’m scared or if my feelings are valid.
If you are questioning it …. Do not do it!
Your feelings are valid!!
I moved over 800 miles and more than 8+ hrs away from all my family and friends. For me it was the best decision BUT i must add i have known my now husband for almost 20yrs. If you have doubts don’t do it bcuz it will lead to resentment.
Feelings are valid. Dont do it if you have doubts
You should meet in the middle! Relationships are a compromise, don’t let him pressure you
I would not do it. If for some reason it doesnt work out, then ur screwed. And no paddle.
Your obviously not ready. And I’d make that known. You need time.
Never give up your entire world for his…especially when he is doing nothing but reaping the rewards of your sacrifice… sacrifice for something worthwhile…not a man.
No let him marry you first.
It doesn’t sound like you are ready and it will make things more difficult for you. Not sure what your future together would be if he wouldn’t want to come to you and you don’t want to go to him. I supposed somewhere in the middle wouldn’t work. Or maybe discuss that. But I would tell him no you aren’t moving right now.
It’s still all so new, if I was you I would just stay a couple of nights a week till you know each other better, and get you used to the move as well, and if you don’t like it, then you know, good luck 
If you’re questioning it, don’t do it. Express your concerns to him.
relationships are giving and taking from both parties seems your doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking stay where your support is
I honestly wouldn’t move and it doesn’t sound like you’re ready for that big of a change after all you’ve been through, which is 100% valid. There’s no need to rush this, if you were ready you’d be over the moon about moving in together, the fact that you aren’t tells me you’re likely not ready for such a big change. Just because you don’t want to move doesn’t mean you love him any less, it just means you’re simply not ready for that…
Would you guys consider looking for new places to start your life together maybe in the middle of you both?
You obviously pay for where you are now and he pays where he is could you say I’m happy to stay few nights a week keep my house still and see how you feel least if you still have anexity about it you have yours to go back to and just tell him your concerns or do so many at his and so many at yours and see what works best for you guys being down your way or down his way
You’re not ready to make that move. You’re entire post screams it out load. You’re just not ready.
If you are not comfortable with it, don’t. If he’s the one he’ll understand. If not, you saved a lot of hurt.
I wouldn’t move completely away from family and kids drop off site and if he has people he helps that he can’t move far from , I would find a middle between you and him and plant roots there
If you are not sure then don’t do it as it sounds like you are not ready yet. Just be truthful with him and say you just need a little more time and maybe set a time like six months to a year and then see how you feel about it then.
If you are questioning it, you know the answer is no.
Re-read your post. All your hesitation and listing of reasons it’s not a good choice should tell you your answer.
Stay right we’re at your good
Don’t move ! Let him move !
Start with going over to he’s once a week for a night and having him at yours once a week for a night. See how you feel about that. Once, you are comfortable have more nights over till you feel comfortable.
Look for houses in the middle. Make him write a legal contract stating that your family can drop in whenever and write up any other conditions you have.
Unless you’re 100% sure, don’t do it
Before moving in with anyone ; find out who is paying the bills, house payments , buying food ( get a written agreement)! What if you loose your job ? What happens ? He looses his job?
If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. He might be a little hurt but he should be able to accept that. If he doesn’t, consider exiting the relationship.
First of all, I don’t know how old you are but obviously you have never grown up, adults make adult decisions and don’t enlist opinions from people on Facebook. Grow a set of balls, weigh the pros and cons and make your own decision and do this with all aspects of the rest of your life,
Valid and Scared, it’s okay.Trust your instincts girl.
It sounds like you already know you don’t want to.
If you’re not ready, don’t do it.
Nope nope nope. You know you recognize a red flag now after dealing w a narcissist…so stick to your instincts!
If you’re hesitant don’t do it don’t be pressured into it. If your decision doesn’t come from the heart and you don’t feel peace and you’re just going to find every excuse in the book not to do it then you’re not ready to do it and there must be a reason. Listen to your gut instinct.
You already know what to do. If it’s not a without a doubt yes, then it’s a no, or at least a not right now. Things change, people change, time changes everything…no need to do something you are unsure of. Keep building your life just as you are, you’ll know when it’s time to make a change.
If you wanna stay where you are then stay. If you move when you dont want to. You will only resent him later on. Plus you won’t be happy. Never trade your happiness far another thats isn’t your children.
You sound like you know what to do.
If you’re hesitating, then it’s not the right time.
Just tell him you aren’t ready. There is no reason to rush or to move until you’re comfortable. If he can’t understand that then maybe he isn’t the right guy for you.
Go with your gut. Read your post. Relationships go both ways and both need to meet in the middle. Your already doubting. Then you’ll blame him for your choice. Not fair to either of you.
Your little voice never lies. Always listen to it. Definitely don’t ever give up your independence again. If he truly loves you he will move and you can go with him to help his family. Best of luck
If you are unsure you aren’t ready. Sounds like you’ve been through a lot, he should understand you aren’t ready for a big change
If you have to ask don’t do it. Don’t lie to him just the facts. Longer drop off times being a big one. He can always find more seniors to help but you will never get the 1.5 hours extra drive time back.
Valid. Listen to you gut.
If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Talk to him about your fears. I had to have this chat with my now husband. I had built a whole life and worked so hard and getting marrying, taking his name, I felt like I had to start over again. But nothing changed for him.
I do think you should be in therapy if you’re not. Not to get you to move but to begin to be ok with moving on from the past. And the courts will look at it favorably.
Don’t let anyone rush you. It’s ok to feel what you feel. Just make sure fear isn’t stopping you from living. 
I would find a new place e together in the middle
I wouldnt say what you said is invalid because he did say that he would drive you and he shares your concerns. However, have you shared ALL of your concerns with him? What was his response? If hes truly dedicated to this then if you arent ready he will understand and your relationship will either grow or fall apart. Sit down and write the pros and cons together.
Go with your gut. Do what’s best for you and your kids
If you’re not comfortable, then don’t do it.
No. Always trust your gut. Don’t do it. Don’t give up everything.You’re life and what you need and want matters
You obviously don’t want to do it. Everything in your post, all of the wording and phrases suggests that you really don’t want to. You already know the answer.
If possible, meet each other half way, both can sacrifice if it is a important to both. My 2cents.
Stay where you are at. If he really loves you he will figure it out. I think you already know your answer. Always go with your gut instinct.
Maybe you can find a new home somewhere together in the middle. That way you are both compromising and you can both still do what you need to do. You should be motivating him to see his child like he is willing to help you get custody of your child. If you ever had children with him you would want him to be a good dad.
I say follow your instincts. If you’re questioning it then wait and if he can’t understand you’re not ready, you may be dealing with the same “type” of guy. Keep your eyes and mind wide open.
I personally think moving in after a year is way too soon. You never full know who someone is till years after dating. Good luck!
If you don’t want to don’t
It’s your choice
NOPE he can move if he loved you
Your feelings are valid. He sounds selfish. If his elders can well afford to hire help, then they should. Stay where you are; you’ll probably regret making that move.
You have been through a trauma and you don’t want to give up the control you just earned back. 
ok. Take your time and tell boyfriend that you are not ready for that yet. Self care and I hope you are getting some therapy for your trauma. 
If you are unsure then I would wait any maybe find a place that’s convenient for both of you distance wise. I would not rely on someone else to drive you to your meeting spot because you just never know.
I can see where you’re coming from. You don’t want to move because you’ll be away from family AGAIN. I’ve been in a abusive relationship as well. I couldn’t even talk to my own mom because I was cheating. I couldn’t even look at guys on the TV because I was cheating. My ex said my daughter wasn’t his, I had her with my dad… It literally messes you up.
You know the answer already.
You’re instincts are telling you no. Listen to them. You don’t need to make up excuses. If you feel it would be bad, it’s going to be bad. My first impression when I read 45 minutes away from family is that he was trying to seclude you. Then you said he promised to drive you to your custody pick up/drop off. Yeah he will at first. Then it’ll be used as punishment & as something he can hold over your head when you’re paying all the bills, doing all the housework, taking care of all the kids etc. You’ve been in this situation before. He moved you away so he can abuse you. Can you be 1000% sure your current boyfriend won’t be the same?
I would focus on the custody battle first. You want to show you have a stable home,job and that it will be just you and your child as both of you will some adjusting to do in the beginning and a strange man who isn’t her father may not be the best route. And the courts may frown on it as well. Maybe just give that time to work out and then focus on taking the next step with him.
I think you guys should get a place together that is in a better location.
If you don’t want to do it, don’t 
you have every right to say no
Fine some were in the middle for yall both.
Unless that comes with a proposal stay your butt at home
Baby…you stay were you are. In YOUR own spot. I’d give it more time. A year isn’t long enough to really know someone. You do NOT uproot your child to please a man…and that’s basically what you’d be doing. Your car isn’t going to make it…so why in the heck would you move further away from your LIFE??! If he truly cared, and wanted what was best and smart btw, he would completely respect and understand your need to stay put. NEVER allow someone else to determine what’s best for you and yours.
You have better standing in your custody situation if yo stay where you are for now. I would fight that battle first before you even think about moving anywhere.
No. Don’t do it. It seems you are still working out custody issues. That comes before anyone. Make your life what it needs to be for you to regain custody without depending on anyone.
Listen to your gut. Sounds like you already have your answer.
I think that you should both continue to live at your own places and just continue to visit each other on the weekends (or whatever you’ve been doing). Both of you should be super excited to live together and clearly you aren’t. Trust your gut.
Don’t do it , he’s not giving up anything , why would you
It’s frowned upon in courts to move further away from the child current location with the intention to gain custody Becuz ur supposed to do what’s best for child not uproot child away from school and family. Moving closer to where child lives is actually better chances to get more parenting time. Although living away from family members is not in ur best interest due to your past.
Sounds like he wants a commitment but is not meeting you in the middle.
It also sounds like u should’ve done counseling after the traumatic experience so that u don’t end up picking someone just like ur ex. Listen to the red flags.
Stay put. No advantage to moving in with him. Do you have a ring on your finger? Stay independent for now. Make sure he isn’t just looking for a free housekeeper he can have sex with!
Don’t do it. You need time for getting to know yourself and not rushing
NO DON’T DO IT! Moving in with him after a YEAR of dating, You DON’T know him well enough that could VERY well be viewed as UNSTABLE within the family court’s eyes. Stay in YOUR home and continue to build on YOUR stability!
Don’t move further away from your kids, it won’t look good. You can still be in the relationship and not move. If he isn’t understanding and decides 6 months from now that the relationship isn’t going to work because you didn’t move in with him then he isn’t the one.
Every relationship is about compromise. If you love one another and want to live together, find a new place, that isn’t yours and isn’t his, but is yours together and find it somewhere in the middle. If he isn’t willing to compromise on this issue and you give in, that will set the tone for your whole relationship.
Trust your instincts/feelings In this situation, I would have to say both people need to compromise, Not only one.
I wouldn’t do it. You should always have your ducks in a row before making a big move like that.
Your kid comes first. Therefore he can wait. You don’t need to move. Don’t do it!
Your feelings are always valid and don’t let anyone tell you different. If your gut is telling you not to move, then you don’t move.
Always trust your gut!!! Don’t do it
Don’t want to don’t. Pretty simple. Doesn’t matter what he gives up or not…you don’t want to. It’s very simple.
As you have mentioned…you’re giving up everything. Why can’t he move to your house? And he drive to help the people he helps. He’s still able to do so. And you’re gonna be stable where you already are. After everything you’ve been through. You definitely don’t need to move into a situation your not completely comfortable with.
I wouldn’t unless u have a ring or married, some kind of actual commitment!
The way you project yourself is your looking at all the reasons why it would make it harder on your current life, this is your life do what’s best for you and makes you happy, dont change to better or convient their life you will only resent them. Stay where you are! If your not excited and loving the thought of doing it, dont! And always put your kids first then yourself! You get one life do what is easiest, happiest and best for you and your kids! Dont do anything that makes it harder or stresses you.
No please don’t do it just wait!
Drop his ass now, what is your problem, men are a dime a dozen, find someone else
You are valid. I know you love this man but it only makes sense if he moves, not you. Obviously due to your abusive past relationship, you’re not ready to be that far from your fam
Think of driving together to help his elders as a romantic road trip where you two are bonding in the car alone. You can take that time to reconnect just don’t move. But will be a mistake.
What about looking for a compromise like both moving halfway?
Absolutely not!!! You have been away from your family long enough!!!
You and your kids are top priority!!!
Not to be his slave …be careful
Just tell him you aren’t comfortable with moving and after your past relationship you think you should slow things down. Maybe you guys can revisit moving in together later in your relationship but right now it’s not a good idea.
Neither of you have to move. You can just date and live separately.
Your feelings ARE valid. Don’t move if you don’t feel like it would be in the best interest of yourself and your child.
If you have children think of them first, will they want to move? How will it affect them? Unfortunately he will have to come to you in this instance you have a lot to change where he can change jobs…
He wants to drive you to your pick up spot probably because he is actually very insecure, jealous, and narcissistic wanting to stroke his ego and be seen by the child’s father… I’ve been with someone like that before and it was sickening. Worst mistake of my life moving in with him. All talk and a bunch of drama and stress I didn’t need. Physical emotional and mental abuse in too many ways to describe.
Since you live apart you havent seen the full spectrum of it yet but move in and it will begin in no time. You will be wondering “what have I done!?” You will feel too embarrassed to reveal to your family that it didnt work out as planned/move back after uprooting yourselves like that and he will have you right where he wants you and you will try to endure, hoping things will get better but they escalate until he is controlling your every move and making your life hell. That’s what I see. Do NOT do it. Run. Maybe stay friends but I’d just tell him that if he doesn’t want to move into your world then he will have to step out of it and that’s fair to both of you. He is free to go and see other people. If he wants you enough he will make it happen and find a way to handle his business to get to you! What he is trying to work up…It’s the first step to isolating you to have his way. Away from your family. Away from people to see the situations/behaviors and tell you your feelings are valid and true. Away from your kid more eventually perhaps (he doesn’t care if it convenient for you because he doesnt even truly care if you see/have the kid with you honestly. Sorry to say but if he isnt more involved/dedicated in his OWN child’s life to pick them up every day from school and use that as an excuse🤣 (actions speak louder than words!) how could he really care that much either way about yours and your custody battle. He doesn’t that much if at all in my speculation. Sorry to be blunt but I would recommend the both of you just see other people. Move on. It isn’t going anywhere and life just has y’all on different paths. It doesn’t have to be this way. It doesn’t seem “meant to be” to me and you should definitely trust your instincts. Please don’t go.
OR just keep dating a while, living separately as you have and maybe time will change one of your circumstances to where it is actually convenient for one of you. Also, gives you time to look for more red flags if they are there. They can’t control you mentally living apart and with that kind of distance as much as they can when you live together, away from your family!