My boyfriend wants me to move in with him but I don;t know what to do: Advice?

I personally wouldn’t. You have put up healthy boundaries for yourself so don’t break them down. If you have terrible anxiety just thinking about it then that’s your heart and brain telling you that’s not a good choice.

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Follow your gut feelings? Does he own his house if not maybe yall could rent a house together move half way to both locations. Relationship is compromise from both parties involved. But if your not ready and he loves you he should be willing to wait.

I would tell him basically everything you just wrote out, he may not see or understand all the things he is asking for such as your lost connections last time. Maybe you guys could split the difference and find someplace in the middle.

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Take a deep breath, take a step back, relax, you will find a way out.

If you’re having that much anxiety about moving, then wait. A move like that should be exciting and if it isn’t, then it’s not the right time and not the right move just yet. If he loves and cares for you the way that you deserve, he will be understanding and either make changes on his end to move to you, or will wait for you to feel excited to make a move. If he doesn’t, then the relationship isn’t what you think. Sounds like it’s time to live a life you love, not one that makes you so anxious that you’re unable to eat. Best of luck to you!

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Does he own his house? Does he have a job there? Is it a better town than yours? Trust me from coming from an 18 yr abusive marriage you have to learn to trust again. You’ve been together a yr do you see a future with him? If not then end it. Honestly

If its trouble for, you don’t move-

Find a place in the middle…halfway point.

When I moved away in 2005, I was worried, scared, anxiety was so high. The first year of moving was rough for me, now I look back and it was the best thing I had ever did in my life. I moved 45 mins away, with my now husband. Some times you have to take that leap and see where it turns out, if it’s really bothering you ask yourself why? What party just the move or soemthubf else, and what is the long term goal between you and your bf? You will know what to do and if its right for you in the end, write down pros and cons. Never allow yourself to be pushed to making a decision, good luck my freind

Your feelings are valid. If it only benefits him, then it is wrong for him to ask that of you.

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Your senses are telling you no for a reason. Listen to them!!!

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Go with your gun :grimacing::disappointed: been their done that definitely regretted the jump with the abuser but I’m sure your eye are pretty open from a fresh wound like that either way that’s a lot to ask from you that has to be some kind of compromise from his as well :face_with_raised_eyebrow: you can’t be the only one uprooting your life and him not seeing his kids is kind of a red flag :triangular_flag_on_post: sort of depending on bio moms and his relationship with custody …

If definitely sounds like you’re not ready to make that commitment and you should tell him so, if he knows the situation with your ex he should be understanding and it shouldn’t be an issue, if he doesn’t then that’s a red flag for me

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You should tell him that you are not ready for moving in yet and you don’t want to be away from your family right now

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He sounds very willing to discuss, so do it. Express yourself wholly with the mindset of it’s you and him, not you vs him

I wouldn’t. Your kids need to come first. You’ve only been with this guy for a year. After being in an abusive relationship, don’t move away from your family so quickly. If you’re not ready and you have concerns, then don’t move in with him.

Not many people understand the depths of the affects of an abusive relationship. They don’t understand how much anxiety and stress an abused person has to overcome, or how much strength and determination it takes to do it.

Once you emerge, and finally get your bearing, and work hard to build a life that you can trust and respect, you start to breathe a little easier and get comfortable with your new and improved self.

It becomes a leap of faith to trust anyone else … especially a person who can be a possible “significant other” candidate.

You have found your comfort zone. You once gave in to another relationship, and it ended badly for you, so you are guarded to not allow that to happen again.

Your current love interest should take that into consideration, and realize that he is asking you to give up your “self” to move to his world. The amount of stress it is causing you, just to make the decision, is an indicator that you aren’t ready to make that kindof move in your life.

Explain to him how you feel. Explain to him that you aren’t ready to make that type of decision. Life is complicated enough without intentionally adding more stress and friction to it. If the move doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. If he loves you, he will understand. And if you’re intended to be a couple and stay together, you will find other alternative solutions to consider.

Keep this in mind: make the decisions that best suit you and him and your relationship together, without allowing the other people in your life to dictate your happiness. Other people won’t alter their plans to suit you, and you shouldn’t alter your plans to suit them. They aren’t in your relationship, so what they think, or whatever their needs are, should not have an affect on you making the best decisions for you.

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Go with your gut feeling

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Don’t move nowhere with no man if your name ain’t on the lease.

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Don’t do it you yourself don’t even sound like you want to take the chance.

Follow your gut. If your not ready express that to him.

You need to put yourself first!

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If you’re not comfortable doing it, then don’t do it.

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Do the pros out numer the cons??

Trust your feelings of anxiety. This is not an equitable move for you. Learn from past mistakes. Tell him your reasons for not wanting to move away. If he has your best interests at heart, he will understand. Perhaps agree to revisit the idea in a year, or so. You may both feel differently then. It’s probably too soon for you to move, at this time.

Then if moving should be convenient for everyone have him move because it seems like you are the only one who it affects just becareful with what you do remember it will also affect you when you fight for costudy

If it doesn’t feel right than don’t do it.

It’s 45 mins away… It’s not like you’re moving across the country

Myself & my kids are about to move in with my beau. I have been with him 18 months-ish now. He lives 3.5 hours away. Were leaving this small town behind and all the bad juju that lurks around here. But I’m taking my kids with me. We have them 75% of the time. We will drive to a half way point every other weekend so my ex can see the kids. I will be happily farther away from my ex and that’s totally great with me.
My point is.
You will know when you are ready, if you are ready. There will be no questions. If there’s questions there’s doubt, and if there’s doubt you’re not ready.

If you have to ask… You already know the answer stop doubting yourself if he loves you he’ll wait till you feel good about the whole thing

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Sounds like you already know what the answer is :woman_shrugging:t3:

Don’t do it.it may not be physical abuse but it maybe mental abuse…Don’t do it.

If it is giving you anxiety don’t do it. Something is telling your gut it isn’t the right thing for you - listen to your gut!

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You should go with your gut feeling. There’s nothing wrong with playing it safe and putting your own needs first. Better that than giving up everything when you’re so on the fence as it could bring resentment later on. I wish you well :slightly_smiling_face:

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Don’t move. Ideally you should both move to a have way point so that everyone is equal

He might drive you to the custody place for awhile then stop.You have to much to lose.Dont do it you’ll be sorry

Children always come first! Take a lil more time and get to know him better :wink:

Follow your heart. If it don’t feel right. Don’t do it. That’s God telling you in his still small voice what to do.

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Well just to point out that you’re posting on Facebook and asking strangers for advice seems like you’re already second-guessing yourself about it so how about you just run and don’t move in. You’re not obligated to move and just because he’s your boyfriend just say no worst he can do is leave you and I feel like you deserve better

You have to do what’s best for you and your child. Follow your instincts.

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Girl, if it’s giving you that much anxiety then it’s not worth it. True that he wants to make things convenient for him but that also sounds like a form of abuse and Idk how these things work but you could possibly also lose custody of your kid if you it’s that far away…you’re already questioning it so you obviously already have an answer. Speak to him about your feelings and sort it out like adults

I would not move in with him or vice versa until you are married. Both of you have past issues on your plate, and moving in together will just complicate those issues, and cause resentment on either part. If he is strongly urging you to move in, you may be entering into another abusive situation.

Your child(ren) come first. If your ex has them, and you move in with someone else, especially if it is further away, he could use this against you. You have to be strong, emotionally and financially, without a man.

Your child comes first. After the last relationship you need to focus on getting your life together and your child back in a safe routine, away from him. Moving further away will only add more strain than needed. Your ex, could even use that against you himself in a custody situation. Do you want that?

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If you had to ask for advice your gut is probably telling you not to do it.

If you’re having this much anxiety you already know the answer. Your feelings are absolutely valid. Just because you don’t move in together doesn’t mean your relationship can’t continue.

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Who’s more important him or ur kids have him move in with you

I would not move…bad decision…he should marry you if you mean that much to him to ask you to move in and give up everything…he should move to you…

If your asking, then you already have doubts. Listen to your sixth sense

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If it doesnt feel good Most likely its not.

You really aren’t asking this right.?

It’s an easy answer, if you’re having doubts don’t do it

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I would stay where I am.

From the frying pan into the fire. He may not be physically abusive but he is extremely controlling, which is just another form of abuse.

Listen to your gut and follow your intuition. Sounds like he’s not considering your feeling in this. RED FLAG!

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And his money…well the rich dont stay rich by giving away 10 cents! Maybe his relationship with them is a clue of how he will be with you after a few years? they slowly change and then its , why didnt I see where it was going? Look with fresh eyes at his life and family, how they treat each other speaks volumns

The abuser was once someone you loved…dont go letting anyone talk you into anything that distances you from family and friends! HUGE red flag ! Mine did that, one by one, friends backed away, because of him. Love wants to help you , maybe by moving 45 min closer to your kids??

You have to many doubts. Until you have less to no doubts, don’t do it.

He just wants convenient sex, honey. Don’t fall for it.

Apparently you are not ready to make that move so don’t. Cause if you do anyway it will end most likely bad for all. Until you are ready just tell him how you feel. If he really loves you he will understand and wait

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Move on baby girl, he is a user. Not a helper and wanting to help you, only himself. He is selfish. Wake up baby. His type is a dime a dozen, wait for the right one.

Big No , don’t move !!

Too soon, children play house, adults marry.

You know the answer to this. Let him know you care but you’re not ready.

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Sounds like you need to stay put. Your kid is more important than your boyfriend.

When in doubt, don’t

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He sounds like a real gem…barely gets his daughter after school, but wants to help with your custody? You move 45 minutes , 2+ hours from your custody pick up and he can’t drive once a week to take out someone’s garbage. Read between the lines, red flags, and dump this selfish boy.

Everybody heard your side of story, or your version. Red flag for me was you don’t have custody of your kids and blame the system. But if all this is true you will figure it out.

You know exactly what NOT to do. Anyway, what’s for dinner y’all?

Would not want it to happen to anybody else? Are we clear! bad relationships been there dont do that!