I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two years and he moved in about eight months ago. He’s very close with his family which is great, but he feels that he needs to visit them nearly every day for hours at a time and that if he doesn’t do this he feels he’s hurting them and feels extremely guilty. He is definitely a bit of a mama’s boy, But at this point being that he’s a 35-year-old man and we’re starting our life together, wouldn’t it be more reasonable if he cut the visits down with his mother to a couple times a week? I have a son from a previous marriage and my boyfriend wants to be there for him as well, but if he’s spending three plus hours every day at his moms house, I feel like that cuts into our time as a couple and with my son/his stepson. His mother doesn’t have any significant health issues so it’s not like he needs to be there every day to help with things like that. I’ve talked with him about needing to put our time together as priority, but it’s still perfectly OK with me that he spends time with his family and visits, but I think every day or more than a couple times a week is a bit much if we’re starting our own life together. When I talked to him about this before, he said that this is normal for him and that if he reduces the amount of times he visits his mom, he’s going to be resentful. I don’t have any family at all in the city that we live in, so he is my family and I’m trying to connect with his family as well, but as a person who is not really used to such strong family ties this is kind of difficult for me to get used to, but I’m trying really hard. I want him to be happy but I also want him to make our new family priority. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that he should reduce the visits with his mother? He’s a really great guy and does so much for me and my son, and I don’t want to make him feel forced or resentful. He’s also talked about wanting to marry me, so he’s all in, but this issue is bothering me. I get along with his family fine, but as a couple and with him now living with me, I feel like the majority of the time when he’s not working, he should be here at home. I’m not saying I want to dominate his life or not let him have friends or not let him see is people - he can do those things! It’s healthy to have connections outside of a relationship I agree 100%. I don’t come from such a close knit family at all, so it’s confusing to me and I’m not sure if I’m being overly concerned or not. What are your opinions on this? Should I be so concerned about it or should I just let it go? He’s there love of my life and I don’t want how I feel to hurt him or our relationship.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend wants to spend every day with his family - Mamas Uncut
Get out it’s never gonna change
-saying he will turn resentful if he isn’t with mom everyday like wtf 
I honestly couldn’t cope with that
That’s too close. Strange to me
I’m extremely close with my family. I still visit them 5/6 days a week and my husband wasn’t ever very close with his family and he started coming with me for visits and now he LOVES going over to my parents as much as I go! If his family is welcoming, I think you and your son should join him on some of his visits. But if they’re not very welcoming towards you guys, then it’s definitely worth a conversation with him
And how would you feel if your kid’s gf said the same about the time your kid spent with you?
It’s good to have connections.
It’s unhealthy if he feels guilt for taking his own time for his own self.
Come on mama! Why did he move in with you in the first place if he wanted to runnn to his family every day 
. Please rethink your decision as there’s your child involved in this relationship. Good luck dating a mama’s boy
this is his family, Maybe something serious is going on with one of them & he just wants to spend as much time with them, now, before it’s too late
That’s probably your future if you stay with him
If I could go to my moms everyday I probably would lol 
If you love him, get to know his family. I’m sure they will love you and your son. He is a family man!
Which is a wonderful thing
Maybe you can go with him on some visits?
Accept him where he is at. Do not try to change him. If you cannot accept it, move on.
BITCH THAT’S HIS FUCKING FAMILY. Sorry but they will ALWAYS come first, relationships come and go 
if you are that insecure with the fact he spends so much time with his family YOU need to go 
3 hrs out of 24 and your complaining 
he could be doing drugs and hookers and not coming home and all you got is he spends 3hrs a day with his mom. Woman get a hobby.
Go with, encourage bonding with your son there
I go to my moms house everyday… and guess what ? My husband says to me … “ get ready & to go your moms “ … my family is important … maybe you should get to know his family … & yes we have a child together 
His mom isn’t going to last forever! Don’t be a bitch! I went through the same! I wished I spent more time with my parents! I appalled my ole man’s love for his family!
Yes you’re being unreasonable. Coming between your partner and their family is much bigger red flag then him being a mommas boy.
Maybe I’ll to him about spending a bit less time there and invite them over for dinner once a week or something so that he still gets his family time and you get more time with him as well. Maybe offer a night or two on weekends or something where you can spend time as a couple and with your son.
Does he not have a job?
You need to just start visiting his family with him…
Should it matter on what he does in his free time. If the child was his okay it be different but if you don’t have no kids then no point off b***h about it but do your thing and let him do his don’t need to be together 24 7 and you have child to look after so don’t matter
I rather have my guy be close to his mom and dad then anything else - I use to visit my mom for 5 or more hours daily- if I still could I would be over there now - we lose our mom ---- those days you can’t get back ----- instead of being that way – why don’t you have a outing with you and her just to talk and have fun 
I see my mom EVERYDAY and im 35. You are going to feel really shitty if something happens to her unexpectedly and he missed out on whatever time he could have had with her. You knew he was close to his family before you moved in with him. You cant expect that to change. If you cant handle that you come second to his family, maybe this isnt the relationship for you. 
PS…he absolutely WILL resent you if you get between them. And i’d be willing to bet that if you made him choose, he isn’t choosing you.
You’re going to be in his life forever, but his parents won’t. Why not go over there and bring your son? Or plan outings as a family together and make memories together?
Yea see no that’s weird to me. Couldn’t do it. I lived with my mom and I love her. But I probably only talked to her like 3 times in every 2 weeks. 
Being 35 and THAT attached to his mother still that her would “resent you” for not going as often, is cringy. Unless someone there has an unknown to you health problem I don’t see why he’s there 15-21+ hours a week.
Yeah, let this one go. Some people are just really close with their family. It’s not a bad thing. Join him a couple times a week and enjoy it. He’ll probably be happy having everyone under the same roof those couple of times too.
I broke up with a guy like this. We got along very well but it became too much. He was constantly at his mother’s or sister’s house and if he came over he always had to get right back because they needed him for something or another. We went to Vegas for a few days once and his mother called at 6:00 am to “see what we were doing” and then they both called repeatedly after that, the whole time we were there. I need a grown man not a mama’s boy:roll_eyes:
I literally could have wrote this after I got married in 2017. We’re younger tho.
My husband would spend ALL free time with his family. (We lived on the same plot of land. 30 ft from their front door) and he’d come home and immediately go over to his parents house before coming to greet me.
Even after our firstborn was born in 2019.
Finally I gave him an ultimatum. Lightly.
Cut back on visiting your family a little bit or there’s no point of me staying if you’re not present.
Why not go with him?
You can also maybe compromise and he can lesson the amount of time per day he’s there say he could go for half the time that way he still gets to be there?
Look up “emeshment” and see if that’s something you can live with.
Go with him to his families house. If you’re starting a life together they will be your family too. Once your life together truly establishes itself then you’ll be home together more often.
If you don’t like his family, and I mean like really love his family…This will become a topic of contention between you two.
Even 2-3 days a week is a bit clingy…do they know what phones are used for? 
All jokes aside, if the relationship progresses, then you have to imagine that when he has a child of his own, he’s going to want to bring them over to his family’s house all of the time, which isn’t ideal when you’re the other parent that just wants to stay home in your own safe-space…and you better do some investigating to see how over-bearing the future mother-in-law will be 
Bring up some topics about raising kids, see what she says and what her opinions are. Especially when it comes to being a Grandparent.
I’m about to lose my dad to cancer. We had a very rocky relationship, and if I could go back in time and spend more of it with him I would. As long as he isn’t prioritizing his visits above everything else or financially supporting her, I say let the man visit his mom. Get to know her!
Why are you not visiting his family with him should be all of you visiting
Girl you better let him visit his family! Some people don’t have none and when you have a good one, be glad!!
There is nothing unhealthy about him seeing his mom everyday for a few hours. We only have our parents for so long. Why don’t you and your child go with him?
You either accept him for who he is or you don’t. Don’t try to change his relationship with his mother, because he definitely will resent you.
Learn to accept it or do him and yourself a favor and move on.
I would visit with him. Take your son along and let them bond there. One day his mom will no longer be around. You don’t want him to regret the time he missed and hold it against you.
So in life it’s about doing things in a healthy amount
Too little or too much is always unbalanced and can be hurtful.
Sounds like he’s giving a bit too much.
Talk to him about balance
He’s talking about marrying you but spending 3 hours everyday over there? That’s 21 hours a week. Absolutely not 
Trying to control adults doesn’t work. Try dating someone who meets your standards
It would be good for your son to have a lot of family to be there for him . You guys should go with him like twice a week .
I wish this was all I had to worry about. They won’t be about forever. Leave him be x
If he is such a great family man, wants to marry you, step up for you son… then why aren’t you going with him? That would allow everyone time, y’all to get to know his family more and vice versa. Maybe try going with so you’re not missing out and maybe you’ll come to terms with, having a family so close is actually nice. Everyone is different though. So if that’s not something you’re interested in just let him be with his mama.
So let’s turn the table around! What if your family was here? Would you do the same thing! Of course!!! It seems like your jealous of his relationship with his Mother ( family)
So stop being childish and get on with your selfish self!!!0
Family above all, period. Just because you’re not familiar with this type of family dynamic doesn’t make it wrong. Start building that bond with his family or get left behind. He deserves someone who will embrace his family and become apart of it! Don’t be THAT girl!
If he has to choose I think you’ll lose.
Can you go with him? Or can she come to your home?
Three hours a day doesn’t seem a lot, but if he’s working till five or six and then going, I could see issues. Also, is he having dinner at home with you and your son?
This can become a tricky situation, especially when you are just starting out together (by that, I mean sharing a home).
Ideally, you should all go as a family because that’s what you are.
So he works then he goes to his family everyday for 3 hours! 
When is he even having a relationship with you? Yeah I get that is his family, but isn’t that life - our parents raise us to have families of our own and our own responsibilities. I’m surprised that his family is not asking why he isn’t spending more time with his family (you, if your going to be his wife, and his soon to be step child). Personally, I think that something doesn’t seem right. If there is a medical reason he is spending time with them, then why is he not telling you, aren’t relationships open to tell each other everything? What happened if you moved to another state or far away. Wait, he would feel resentful…but like I said earlier our parents raise us to spread our wings and fly, not hold us down! And yeah you can go with him, but I’m sure you have responsibilities and can’t spend 3 hours everyday at his parents house!!! This is just weird! You have to do what’s right for you and what you are willing to handle. Personally, not my cup of tea 
!!!
My husband was a Mamas boy it was tough for me for A very long time !! I always felt like me and her were competing each other and for his love , so many times I talked to him and I also felt like she held him back from becoming the man he wanted to be . I finally had a chat with her about how I felt I said “ we both love the same man instead of one upping each other let’s be friends and love the same man “ things definitely changed after that . She passed away in 2017. My husband flourished because he had nobody to baby him . We all miss her dearly . He did spend a lot of time with her I finally put my foot down and said enough was enough he spent more time with her then me and our kids . She started to come to our house once a week for dinner and a movie / family time . I would do anything to bring her back
Man it’s his family I live 3 mins away from my mom and dad. See them almost every weekend.Let up man.
Coming from the other side (someone who spends alot of time with mom/grandma) I guess family is forever and one day they won’t be there. I understand you didn’t come from such a tight knit family. But go with him and hang out there:slightly_smiling_face: since he is there so much I’m such there are things for you and your son to do. My ex’s and I didn’t work out and it’s not the main reason but one of the reasons was they didn’t understand the bond I have with my mom and my grandma (before she passed:broken_heart:) and we ended up not working out, they had little interest in hanging out there with me and it ended up not working out for me. If youre married someday you guys can hangout as one big family especially if you get along with them. some people say “mama’s girl” blah blah blah but whatever I guess I am. My mom doesn’t have a significant other and doesn’t have many friends, she never left me alone at my dark moments, so I can’t see myself leaving her alone to be all alone. Try to laugh with them, joke with them. Make it a fun time 
Things only get worse after marriage. Whatever problems are there will only escalate once they’re comfortably wed. Write down your goals and needs in a partner and see if he comes up to snuff. Never marry a man for his potential or expecting him to improve. Only marry him for exactly how he is. If that’s not appealing, there’s someone better for you out there. Women need to remember that they are the ones with the power to choose a mate. Men want to think we have to dance for them to choose us, but it’s really the other way around.
I like that he admited that he feels that he could become resentful about it and was able to communicate that to you. It tells me y’all have a good, open n honest relationship.
I understand your situation completely. When we lived close to my hubs family, he visited his mom everyday. He didn’t stay as long as yours does tho- half hour/hour a day. But it was odd to me bc I’m not like that with my parents at all. After a while I realized that I was kinda jealous that I didn’t have that relationship with my parents and decided that I wanted that with my daughter.
Patents aren’t here forever. If he is your forever, you guys will spend the majority of your relationship without them. I agree with going with him or maybe him and your child go so your child can start forming bonds with ppl in the grandparents role. As long as they’re loving, welcoming ppl of course! Start thinking of it like those extra 2 hours is a given- do you guys live close together cause I feel like location and convenience is a factor too
What adult has that amount of spare time?!? I want his job! I’d love to hang out at my Moms 21 hours a week!
If that’s his stepson then those are your in-laws so maybe either enjoy your alone time or hang out with everyone but since he’s just your boyfriend you can always opt out before it gets too serious.
So you going to tell me y’all can’t get a vacation or nothing. Please, family is everything but also everything has it place and time. Is he the only child? If so? Yes! You cant compete with his mom but at the same time is wrong. He is to grown for that. So you have to make a choice. Because, what if you want to go on a vacation? He going to bring his mother to? 🫥🫡
You cant relate, which makes it hard to understand him, that is hard. I would be happy to be part of a family like this, that are real close, mine weren’t. How about going with him to visit. Realize he doesnt stop being the person he is just because he got with you. If it bothers you, make yourself part of the visit
I’ve always been big on family. I still go visit my parents every day. Some days him and our kids come with me and some days I’ll go out there alone. The day he tells me to stop is the day he becomes single🤷🏽♀️
Thankfully over the years he’s become really close with my parents and family so some days he’s the one who asks if I talked to my parents today or he’ll be the one to say we should bring the kids out there for a visit today. I’m glad my family loves him
I visit my parents almost every day 
my son loves it. Maybe suggest to him to take your child over for visits a few of the times a week. They can all enjoy time together and give you a little break.
You should go & visit with your son as well. If you get along & show you care for his family that’ll make him happy! The family will warm up to you & start to like you then he will love you even more 
If he’s spending that amount of time at his moms house DAILY when do you all have a chance to do anything together? If he gets off work at 5, sits at his moms until 8ish, then comes home he’s missing dinner and family time with you and your son and any other future children you all could have. Or would he expect you all to go with him every single night if you end up married and with other children? Going to someone else’s house every single night would disrupt our evenings as a family as far as dinner, kids bath times, homework, and getting to bed.
No lol why is he at his mama’s house everyday for hours… its werid… he needs to grow up
I live 5 minutes from my mom and I see her just about every other day and I usually talk to her on the phone every day… If you wanna be with him, I’d suggest you go visit with him.
This man-child is 35yo! He isn’t gonna change. That relationship won’t get better… you will be his 2nd mother…he told you how it will be believe him!!!
The issue isn’t him; it is you. You’re not close to your family, so you don’t get it, and it is weird to YOU only. He lives with you and he visits there for a few hours a day. Big deal. Either go with him, since you claim to want to a build a life together, or find someone else. Making him choose you over his family isn’t right. You keep saying you’re not trying to dominate his time, but you actually are. You want him spending more time with you and less with his family. It really shouldn’t be a you or them issue. If you can’t spend time with his family too then your relationship really isn’t going to work.
Wow someone wants him just to herself. He loves family and tries to see them as much as possible. Go with him, you have choice and you’re choosing not to connect to his family and to pull him away from them. If I was him I would run. Sounds a bit narcissistic to me. You want to be the only woman in his life and cut his mom out.
If you make him chose he’ll definitely pick his family over you. You’re being selfish honestly and super clingy. There’s nothing to be concerned about him visiting his family. Either let it go or move on it’s that simple
Plot twist he’s living a double life 
…how after two years of being with this guy are you not “close enough “ to his family considering yours isn’t around. If he wants to spend time with his family I don’t see an issue, just go with and build the relationship with them you should have been doing all along…
Well I guess I have not seen anyone mention that 35 had he had another serious relationship that somehow was maybe the mother didn’t approve of and or she didn’t allow him to go and I wouldn’t say don’t allow him because allow is not something you do but if you’ve suggested going okay everyday for an hour or every other day for an hour or two is he go straight from work does he come home for supper I mean there’s a lot of unanswered questions as far as I’m concerned that I would like answered before I would give anything like an opinion but I would want to know I mean 35 is rather old to be starting a relationship if it’s the first one if it’s the second one then check out what happened in the first one
Grow up he is close with family like ppl should be
Have you ever watched the show I am in love with a momma boys??? Might want to watch it lol
You sound like the problem.
Imo…I would feel lonely but at the same time as long as he’s with his mom and not out screwing around like alot of men I would find a way to deal. Like some have said his mom won’t be around forever sadly so let him have his time with her
This all comes down to can you handle a man child because you will never be a priority like ever! A guy like that can’t settle down, if he expects it now he’ll expect it when you’re married and that’s when all the issues will really start
My 3 sons are here to see me EVERYDAY if not quite often … I raised my sons alone and sacrificed many things in life to be a Mom and Id do it AGAIN in a heartbeat… Be grateful he loves his family that much someday his parents will be gone he will have no regrets 
Yikes, sounds like my ex. I left him after he had to have his mom so bad he stayed the night there everyday for a month. I was preg with his child, complications occured…he couldn’t help. Brought his mom to the delivery room bc he didn’t want her to be alone… Yikes.
My question is? Does he have a job? How could you possibly spend hours a day with your family if your earning an income
I suggest you start going with him some of the time while he visits them. Some families are just really close. And while you both deserve time for yourselves as a family as well, his is just as important. Why not go with him?
I think that alot as well. To much of a mommas boy. How would you guys get time together and do stuff. See if he can do it every other day instead compromise.
Go with him. Take your son and go with him sometimes. That’s how you build a connection and a relationship with his family. If you’re building a life together then that includes his family. That includes the support system that he has. He’s also your boyfriend and not your husband so this is something you have to consider when building a life with someone. Yeah you marry them and not their family but it’s part of the package deal. You can’t just zero to 100 have him stop seeing his family. If he’s a mamas boy then good luck cutting those visits down ever. It’s not a bad thing that he’s close with his family. You’d rather that dynamic, it means he was raised in a family environment and understands the importance of family and support.
No I get it. You’re definitely NOT in the wrong. And you’re trying to be gentle about it not mean. Shoot we go see my parents almost every weekend and my mom watches my little one twice a week and picks up my older one up from school once a week. I feel like. So on weekends or every other weekend we’ll come over for dinner. I feel like THAT is a lot! Lol. Good luck because this is the setup and foundation of you and his future relationship and lives. Think very carefully.
I’m not close with my family like that either, but he is. All I can suggest is that you and your son go with him a couple times a week. Which may annoy the in-laws or you’ll have a closer relationship with them. Maybe set aside a day of the week that you guys spend together. And enjoy the free time his visits allow you. It could always be worse right? He could insist you’re there every day with them lol. Seriously though, he’s 35 and this is his normal routine so it would be difficult to get him to stop. Maybe see if a couple those days he cuts it down to an hour a day?
All I know is I hope my son visits me everyday when he’s that old.
35 yo just moved out of Mama’s house eight months ago and into the GF’s house… hmmmm. My guess, his Mom is his #1 and it will always be that way. Right or Wrong of him isn’t the debate… It’s about who he is, how he prioritizes, his rationale and can you deal with that.
My ex was like that. It 100% ok to love your family but there is a limit. If the new family he wants to build is coming second to mommy then let him be with her.
Show him the numbers. List put him want hours are in a week, then how many of those are for work, how many he spends with them and how many he actually spends with you guys, then sleep. Then lay out what he’s missing by running off to his extended family instead putting effort into the family he says he’s making with you guys. I’d lay out that he has to switch from being mommas baby boy to a man with his own life and household. If he can’t then he’s not ready for his own family. But be prepared for this relationship to end bc he’s just not putting the effort into this family unit. In the future if you have more kids is he gonna disappear off to mommas instead of parenting duties? Or try to get out of them by taking the kids to his moms so he doesn’t need to be responsible? Being family oriented is great if you can still out your immediate family first. You don’t mention why you don’t spend time over there too. If there’s already issues and he’s choosing to spend that much time that also tells you which side he’s choosing. And honestly a lot of these momma boys have been damaged to the point that they can’t function with out their parents and family. It’s not a healthy I want to see them but if I don’t see them I will deal with XYZ from them and they see them out of fear.
I’d suggest premarital counseling so you guys can start dealing with these issues now. Have you guys discussed parenting types, fairness if you have children together (favoritism can and does happen), financial goals, traveling, etc. If he’s unable to stand up to his parents and enforce simple boundaries your family unit is going to suffer.
The issue is that you truly do not understand the importance of his attachment to his family n he shouldn’t have to limit or reduce his visits w him just because ur insecure or confused. It’s sad when a woman puts the man she says she loves in the position of choosing his mom or his mate. Shame on u. Go with. Connect w the ones he loves so much. As u stated u do not have close family so it should be good for u n ur son to establish that w his family.
Life’s to short to be so petty…his family .eans alot to him,which is great. Go with him.visit a bit and then do a date night…
At the end I the day this is his family…3 hours isn’t as bad…my partners parents arnt around anymore…I wish I knew them and had that family connection with them.my parents love my partner and have a really good family friendship…may be if you made a little more effort to go with him more with your son…you may see things a little more diffrenently…and be more connected.as for him saying it may lead him to be resentful may be he sees your trying to change him and his ways…personally life is to short get more involved.
Let it go. Try to connect with his family and also get a hobby that you can do while he’s out. If you two ever have kids together, you will want a man who brings baby to your mother in laws place while you do your own thing. It’s good his family is his best friends. He could have best friends that party or encourage him to do bad things. Be thankful that he values family.
If you’re looking for him to be home on a particular day when you need quality time, plan an exciting thing to do or a nice meal at your own home… I bet he will show!
That will become a Even bigger issue when the first is born.
The Bible says you leave your parents and cleave to your wife/husband.
Never gonna change!!
Why don’t you and your son go with him to visit? I’m 38 my brother is 35. He visits my parents everyday and I would go by and visit 3-4 times a week. In the summer me and my kids are there almost everyday. I lost my dad new years day and I wish I would have went to visit more then I did now.
It’s obvious that a lot of these people don’t go to church